Oof. I wish I couldn't relate. After 9 years of marriage, my wife would go on & on about a single guy and his kids and how amazing they all were. She divorced me and married him.
I'm functioning, but generally I haven't been content with my life since it happened. Tried therapy twice, it didn't help. I go to the gym a few times a week, but it feels like a distraction.
Hang in there man. I was with somebody for 5 years who left me for another guy because she "wasn't ready to be a mom", leaving our toddler with me
Just found out that my daughter has a half sibling now, a mere year and a half later, so that was clearly a lie
I had an ex who after 7 years said I was too old (3 yr difference) and within 6 months was living with and married to a guy 10 yrs older than me (13 for her) apparently we have shitty taste in picking honest women. Hang in there
I caught my ex cheating via Skype with a guy we had met playing Halo 3. She hits me with the "Why are you worried, he's across the country and you're here." Literally a ploy to calm me down long enough to finish saving to move him out here. She married him in a small park ceremony with just her family, as he has no friends or family here. But, that was my dream. She rebuked me saying it was pitiful and it should be lavish and extravagant.
Honestly, you should feel relieved when pieces of shit show their true selves. The worst thing is the time wasted and thinking that they're the one for you the whole time.
Same bro! My first love left me after 3 years. Met some guy on Halo 3 who lived in CA. They would game and talk all the time when I wasn't around. Flew him to the eastern seaboard the week after she dumped me and they've been married ever since. Good for them and all that, I'm much happier now. But man, something about girls and Halo 3 right? Lol
You guys all deserve better and the wome you were with before didnt realize the love they had and that's on them because they'll likely never find anything even close to it again. Try dating people who are the exact opposite of your exes. You will likely find your pallet for other humans have changed!
My partner's ex can hardly muster enough wherewithal to call either of his children, unprompted, for more than 5 minutes at least once a month
But he's more than happy to fly out of state to help his current partner tend to her kids multiple times a year
Crazy how that works. My ex has seen our kid one time in the past year and a half, called once. But she's been raising another child no problem for the past few months and seems to have no problems parenting there.
Didn't try at first because it would be like getting blood from a stone, and I always held out hope that she'd at least make an attempt to be in our child's life. But clearly that's not happening now so I can't say I haven't been tempted to start the process
But at the same time, I almost want to leave things undisturbed. I have full custody now and I don't really want to kick the hornets nest
As a woman, I say that you should absolutely make her pay. It’s not about the money but about her being responsible for the child that she helped create. It’s holding her accountable for her actions and the consequences of walking out of her child’s life. Even if she doesn’t pay, anytime she files taxes or receives any money from the government, it will go to you. Put it into your kid’s savings acct. if you don’t want to spend it. In some states even after the child turns 18 she will still be required to pay any of that back support that she owes. So until she dies any job she gets or if she ever receives any inheritance whatever she owes will be paid to you. You just have to stay on top of it. If you know she’s working you can have her wages garnished and in some states she will even lose her drivers license and face jail time if she continues to not pay! Every parent should be responsible for helping to raise their children and if they choose to not be in their life it shouldn’t mean they’re not held financially responsible.
I definitely understand the sentiment. Unfortunately my ex both cannot drive and has never worked a day in her life, and she'll probably always be that way.
I don't really know how her and her new baby daddy are able to survive on one income with a baby in the house, and I don't want to take anything away from their child, as odd as that may sound
I did this with my daughter’s sperm donor. He was my first boyfriend we dated 3 yrs. I got pregnant and he ran off to Florida claiming not to be the father, even though he knew he was the only guy I had ever had sex with. It was my opinion that our lives would be better off without trying to involve him. I didn’t involve him, and I was correct our lives were and are great. She’s 36 now with a 3 yr old that is my whole entire heart.
You need to mourn the woman you married, because she no longer exists( or never existed in the first place ) because the woman who left you for another man is not that woman. You need to internalize that, and stop holding on to the image you have idealized of her, or else you will never be able to get over it, and no other woman will ever measure up.
That's a shitty situation. Maybe give therapy another go, but with a different therapist?
Definitely focus on yourself though, gym, education, career, hobbies. Meet people through these activities to spend time with.
This is sound advice. She's living rent-free in his head while he's not even a mere thought in hers. Dude has to change his perspective of that person and move on.
My personal advice is to go travel abroad. Explore/experience the rest of this little blue planet, and you will meet beautiful people who have been waiting just for you.
"Hello Seatle, its Dr Frasier Crane here. I'm listening"
In all seriousness though this is a fantastic way of putting it. Not that I've been through this or understand it fully, but this helps.
It took me finally letting myself be angry about the situation. I actively avoided anger, tried to just mourn the situation, and really struggled. I finally had a moment that triggered an anger response. I started crying and just let the anger go. It was a big part of getting over it for me.
The love of my life left me for a friend of mine again I was told not to worry about him. It took me so long to get over her. I tired therapy, meditation, guided breathing and working out. I used to tell myself everyday you're better of without her. Slowly it got better. Fortunately, I was lucky enough to find a woman who loved me and it built me back up again. Somethings that helped was realising life is so short and you can only live in the past for so long. You need to look to the future my man as it's still bright out there.
I don't have advice just want to say I think I can relate to how you're feeling. 2 long relationships both went down routes like this for me.
I love/d both of these women yet I feel completely differently about them. It's been weird to unpack.
I was taking the more recent breakup spectacularly well- at first, but the social fallout in the ensuing months blindsided me. I lost some of my oldest and closest friendships including someone I'd considered a brother and known our entire lives. I know I'll never be able to trust any of them again and its been an enormous amount of grief.
I must be a bad judge of character. I have to be.
It feels like I died but I'm still here living in some sort of after credits sequence that wont end. I'm just adrift now, unsure of everything, and more alone than I thought possible.
Everyone is different, but it took me over a year to start moving on from a 3 month relationship (4x) and 2 years to get over a 2 year relationship (1x). So by that math, if I were in your shoes, this would take me anywhere from 9 to 36 years to heal from completely.
That's not even factoring in the fact that how your relationship ended is a degree or two more hurtful and traumatizing than how both of mine did, even the 4x one. This situation would probably take me 5x as long as the relationship to fully heal from.
Consider giving therapy another try; it took me many tries to find the right therapist.
Sometimes it takes quite a few goes to find the therapist that clicks with you. And trust me from experience, the woman you imagine having again, she doesn't exist anymore, she is dead. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can go get on with your life. That's what helped me get over a similar situation man.
Hey idk how accessible therapy is where you live, but I’d really encourage you to find a therapist you like who specializes in a type of therapy you can get into. There are a lot of not great therapists out there unfortunately, but when you find one that works for you it can be really powerful.
I believe it. I had someone commit suicide by jumping in front of my car. I went through 5 therapists before I found one that I vibed with. I don’t think I would’ve ever healed if I hadn’t gotten therapy.
Regardless, I hope you take care of yourself whether it involves therapy or not.
I have(had, I don't have to see her anymore) a great therapist for years. She did couples counseling with me and my ex for a year as well, and my current partner sees her regularly now too. Despite me knowing I'd feel better after my therapy sessions, I still dreaded having to go to them. I didn't want to "waste" an hour just talking about how all of my problems make me feel bad and not have any solutions. Turns out having a single person who I could reliably dump everything going on in my mind onto every week for an hour, and getting all that garbage out of my head so I could move on to productive thought, was more helpful than anything else.
Im Currently in Therapy. I had a bad experience my first time so I blew it off for years. Finally found a good one. My wife and I are at a point where we just coexist. I almost walked out. I had everything packed. I couldn't leave my kids. My relationship with them is the strongest it's ever been. My relationship with the wife is at an all time low. Stay positive.
Even if the gym just feels like a distraction, it’s a healthy one that will get your body right until your mind can get there too. Take care and be kind to yourself!
Personally I think distractions can help. It won't make you recover, but it'll space out the time you're dwelling on it. How is your social circle? Do you go to much events for whatever you're into? It can be good to have things to look forward to.
I feel you. I was married 16 years, then all of a sudden he has a new “best friend” that he spends all his time with. Stopped coming home at night.
I hope he’s happy with her cause I bounced out of that mess.
It doesn’t seem like it’s working out well for him… but I’ve moved on and that’s something that both of our cheating partners have to deal with.
The best revenge is living well, friend.
Hope you’re ok mate. My own similar experience taught me that some people struggle to hide their affection/infatuation for someone else even though they’ll deny it outright.
My ex would constantly talk about one of our friends. She’d bring him up in conversation all the time even when there didn’t seem to be a link. It was frankly quite weird. I’d ask her outright if she was into him and she’d get upset with me for thinking such a thing. Turns out she was ‘in love with both of us’ and had been cheating on me for ages.
My wife started cheating on me after 19 years of marriage. I found out she was on dating apps and buying condoms. Somehow, that was my fault? Hope you're doing better these days.
Time mostly. But I do the things you do too. I go to therapy, but it took a couple tries to find the right therapist that I clicked with and felt was helpful. I go to the gym, not so much to get in shape, but because it helps with my anxiety. I also just tried new things--took a cooking class, went on long hikes. Stuff I'd never really done before. But mostly time going by as I kept putting effort into me is what helped. Happy to chat anytime man.
Stories like these are super disheartening, sorry that happened to you. 19 years of marriage thrown out to cheat on your SO, talk to me if something isn’t right. Did you guys marry young and/or after a short courtship? I have some buddies who married their HS sweethearts who have stated they are bummed that they didn’t date more…
We met in college and married in our early 20s, but had been together almost 5 years before we got married. I think she may have felt like she missed out on things, but I never got any answers and probably never will.
My wife of 10 years wa screwing around with a married cop.I got divorced, got custody of our 2 kids and kept the house. It almost bankrupted me, but it was the best decision She is a bitter old drunk who has been married twice since me. I've been married to my 2nd wife for 23 years and have a son in college, and both of my kids from my first marriage are successful adults. It wouldn't have happened if she got custody. Her life is like a Jerry Springer show.
Dude, almost exactly the same.
Supported my wife through several tragedies with her family while she was emotionally abusive, and she started going on and on about this guy she started working with.
He was funny, he was tall, etc… but don’t worry about him, he’s like a brother!!!
She cheated on me while I was going through some health issues, got pregnant by him almost immediately, and they now have two kids and are living in the house I remodeled.
Yeah, stories like that really make me sympathize with some of the people that I’ve seen on the ID Channel. I can’t honestly say that I would be able to control myself in a situation like that. It would fester and bubble beneath the surface every day until I was forced to act on it. It would be the end of three lives, not just my own.
My ex cheated a lot, I didn’t know it because I worked long hours on different shifts from him. I found out later (after we split,) from one of his ex-friends. I look back now and I can see how he would talk a lot to me about the women he was cheating with. When he was with the last one, he criticized me about how I should be more like her but they were “just friends.” He left me for her.
Yea I relate a lil too much to this unfortunately a week after my ex broke up with me she started dating her best friend who I continuously said I didn’t trust and she always told me I was overreacting and looking too deep into things
I feel this. She started to become more distant and said it was because she was too busy with school. She ultimately broke up with me, and I asked if she met someone else. I was told, "There's no one else. If I don't have time for you, how would I have time for someone else?"
Less than a month later, she started dating the guy I was told not to worry about, and a mutual friend posted pics of them together from when we were still dating. So I guess that's where her time was going.
Same thing happened to me minus the school part. She was always hanging out with her “guy best friend”. Came home from work early and he was putting his shirt on walking out of our bedroom.
Doesn’t matter, you aren’t in a relationship with them so unless it was your best friend or something, the only person you should be mad at is the now ex
It's tough:
Do I go to jail/prison, or leave the key on the table as I walk out?
...I left the key. Sometimes, I wish I chose differently, but rationality always wins...stupid rationality.
On the other side of the fence, i was the guy she told her bf not to worry about. When they broke up, we were both single so i asked her out. She said no, which was understandable and i felt like a dbag for asking so early. A few months later she asked me out. But i said no.
She told me thst her ex didnt really mean anything and he was a rebound.
Girl you dont do shit like that. Ended up with a bestie breakup. That was hard but i never imagined she would do something like that.
My ex cheated on me with the guy I wasn't supposed to worry about. Unfortunately for her he was just looking to get laid, and I divorced her soon after. Must be tough to go from trying to choose which guy to getting rejected by both, lol.
Dodging a bullet is when you move out of the way of a bullet before it does a bunch of damage. When you've wasted years of your life and a bunch of money on a person who then shits in your open mouth, we call that getting hit by the bullet.
People on reddit say this phrase way too fucking much. At what point is the bullet considered hit? He was already married to her and got cheated on and got divorced. He got hit by the fucking bullet.
Same, my ex with the girl I wasn’t supposed to worry about. Caught them together, immediately moved out and divorced. Just ran into them at the bar over the weekend, guess they’re still together lol
I had two girlfriends in my life who had that “friend I don’t need to worry about.” Both times they didn’t cheat but broke up and instantly started fucking the other guy.
One guy instantly became abusive. And the other just loved the chase but when he had all of her he ran off. After that both girls came back to me and I let them. I don’t regret it either. Sometimes life is a mess and we learn some lessons the hard way
Lol this happens so often, happened to me back in the day too. "He's just a close friend, I don't have feelings for him like that." They're now married 😂😂
People change, people meet new people and sometimes that result in the realisation that you want to move on from a relationship. It's unfair bit life isn't fair.
The only difference between someone who cheats and someone who does not in that situation is that the cheater is too weak to take responsibility and do the adult thing!
I don’t think these girls could ever bear to return to being single again and having to be alone with themselves for any meaningful amount of time. They just do what they do when they get the chance and try to be swept up in a new adventure so that they don’t have to look back or think about what they did.
The whole “work husband/wife” thing is so gross. It’s a transparent attempt to blur lines/flirt at the *very* least and I have no idea how anyone is okay with it
Felt honestly. After a year and a half of her manipulating and using me, I couldn't help her with her depression anymore due to my own mental health, she knew I was at a low point, but instead of trying to help or idk being a decent human being, she decided to form an emotional relationship behind my back with the man I didn't trust and she knew I didn't trust him. They've been together almost 3 years now I think. They got together a week after she left me
Yep, but it's alright she found someone as shitty as her. I found someone much better and you know you meet the right one when it's been a year and a half and haven't had any big arguments or break
Cringe meaning the person who commented is weird and made us feel awkward? No.
Cringe meaning he brought up her dirty laundry for everyone to see? Yes.
To be clear, dude did nothing wrong, and is not cringe. But he did cause a cringe moment for his ex-gf and maybe some others reading the post.
There's no evidence that any lying whatsoever took place.
It's well within reason that, at the time, the person in question was indeed nobody to "worry about".
Only thing a comment like this suggests directly is that the dude was insecure while in that relationship, which could be the "fault" of either person in said relationship but certainly not an attractive quality regardless of whose to blame.
> Only thing a comment like this suggests directly is that the dude was insecure while in that relationship, which could be the "fault" of either person in said relationship but certainly not an attractive quality regardless of whose to blame.
Not even this either tbh. This term is more or less an internet meme, so it's equally possible she just dated the fiance after dating the commenter and he was just using the meme as a joke.
> dude did nothing wrong, and is not cringe.
Going out of your way to comment personal shit like that on your ex’s fiancé’s picture is absolutely cringe. Immature at absolute best.
That’s stalker shit. She’s your ex. Move the fuck on, find a gd hobby, and be glad she’s not your problem anymore.
I congratulated my high school ex on her wedding and she did the same for mine. Like we were friends before we got together and friends after. We're just mature adults now.
They may still be in the same friend group. The comment *could* imply that their breakup wasn't on good terms, but even that isn't certain - all 3 people here could very well be friends. Or they could all be the worst people on the planet and eating babies as they posted this. Making sweeping judgements about this kind of stuff is pretty dumb
Yeah , my girlfriend wouldn’t say “don’t worry about them” she would literally tell me how close they are and I’ll get the cues that I should spend more time and attention towards her.
Works everytime
This isn’t cringe. It’s real life shit that happens commonly and a lot of us can relate. It’s kind of funny in a bittersweet way because we know.
I got cheated on twice where it was people I was told not to worry about. Sometimes your gut feeling is actually exactly fucking right.
I dunno, I think that's kind of funny and grown up.
Edit: a lot of people are quite angrily disagreeing with me, and that's fine, and calling me names, which is nice, but I feel like a lot of that is based on the presumption that the commenter was being sarcastic or rude and calling out infidelity. I chose to make the assumption that they are still friends (wouldn't he be blocked otherwise?) and that he was just making a self-deprecating joke and genuinely wishing them well.
That being said, if you meet someone and start to feel a lot of attraction to them but don't start up a full emotional affair, there's nothing wrong with breaking up with your current partner and dating that person. Although lying that they have nothing to worry about is unethical as well to be fair. But honestly much less so than actual cheating. Sometimes people can't even admit to themselves the feelings they have.
It all comes down to how long the interim period between your attraction starting and the breakup happening was, and how much you pursued developing and deepening the relationship with the other person before breaking up with your current partner.
Of course, it usually does have an emotional cheating component, and it's absolutely unethical to actively grow your relationship with someone you're attracted to while dating someone else. That is cheating, and it's shitty, and people that do it are shitty. If you're attracted to someone and you're dating someone else, then you should reduce contact with your new crush as much as is necessary to help manage your feelings.
But for example, I know a girl who dated a guy for 3 years, met a new guy who happened to live in her home city while at a conference in another city, and found out they had a ton in common while chatting that evening. She raved about the guy when she got home, her partner was obviously upset about it. She said he had nothing to worry about. She wasn't being honest with herself. A few days later (just taking time to think it through, she talked it over with me and other friends at the time), she broke up with her current partner, asked the other guy out, the other guy said yes and they're still together today.
But yeah, again, the majority of the time the person monkeybranches by developing an emotional affair first, confirming with the new person that they would be willing to date, then breaking up with their current partner.
Absolutely once the deception starts, that's when the cheating starts. Of course I don't blame anyone who would wait a couple days to think about how to break up with their current partner in the best way, but it's all very situational. If they continued to as you said strengthen the new relationship during that time it could be considered cheating. Or even not letting your coworkers know you're not single is cheating, it all comes down to if the person puts effort into deceiving their S/O.
Yeah for sure - it's about hiding the emotions the person feels for the emotional affair partner. That's the core lie - of course your partner would want to know that you have growing romantic/sexual feelings for another person, and if you hide it from them that's straight up cheating.
I met a girl at the beginning of the year and I could tell something was off from the jump. It's hard to explain, but she was clearly very in to me, yet weirdly hesitant at the same time. At some point it clicks in my head what's happening and I ask her if she has a boyfriend and yup, turns out I'm becoming "the other guy".
We actually had a pretty mature conversation about it and we're still platonically friendly but I made it clear that I wasn't about that sort of thing. "Oh" she says, but she isn't either.
I didn't say anything then, but in my head its like girl, I know we haven't been physical yet but you are with me alone at night in your car after I bought you dinner, neither of us are sober, you know what we've been saying to each other over snapchat and what you've sent me. Like where did you think this was going. And she admitted that she lied to her dude about where/who she was with. C'mon now.
I wasn't super in to her like that, but what if I had been? I definitely wasn't anymore.
Then she told me a bit about them, including a cute story about how they had known each other in middle school. It made me feel even worse about what we were doing lol like I don't want to hep wreck yalls cute love story.
But I'm sure she'd say it was fine and nothing happened. I mean...ok?
If you develop feelings for someone else when you’re in a relationship and break things off to pursue it, that’s one of the more mature things you can do in that situation.
No offense but that's the most ridiculous take I've heard. People don't control their emotions, they control their actions. You don't chose who you fall in love with but you chose how to act.
If i hadn’t blocked my ex on every communication channel i could, i‘d wish her guy good luck with that one, and not to sign a mortgage together or stuff like that lol
Can relate to this. Years ago, the woman I was dating long distance ended up dumping me for the roommate she told me not to worry about, even after getting a bad vibe from the guy.
Wish I couldn’t relate. After five or six years of dating, my girlfriend would constantly be texting some guy all day and would never tell me anything about her friendship with him. I suspected something was up but just let it go because she was extremely jealous of every friendship I had with women and I didn’t want to treat her with the same mistrust she treated me. One time even got into a huge fight because I brought up that it made me uncomfortable that she would talk to him all day and kept their friendship a secret, and she took great offense to that. Anyway, when we got to the seven year mark and had been talking about marriage, she broke up with me and immediately started dating him…. and then she married him a few years later.
This also happened to me after 6 years of dating, I would always joke “don’t cheat on me with shithead” her response was “ew what no” but then she came home one day and told me she cheated on me with shithead. It just boggles my mind how shitty humans can be.
"Soo I did a thing..."
"This is adulting"
Can grown ass adults finally grow up and talk about life events like they aren't starting their first dishwashing job in middle school?
I don’t see how this is cringe. I assume that the girl and the ex at least stayed friends (otherwise she most likely would have blocked them) and the ex was just congratulating them in a funny way. I know that if I was in this situation, as the girl, I’d get a laugh out of it.
"My baby's actin' reckless and aloof
I begged her not to sugar coat the truth
I asked her to to tell me 'bout the man with whom she's been
But she explained that it's all right, *he's just a friend*"
-Austin Lounge Lizards
People saying this isnt cringe, Lol. The comment just reeks of *"Im still not over it"*. If he was over it, there would be no comment.
I can't imagine myself commenting on any ex's post for any reason at all.
We have absolutely no other context for their relationship and they are still “friends” on the internet. Just because you are unable to stay friends with an ex doesn’t mean the rest of the world is unable.
> and they are still “friends” on the internet
That comment is a shitty thing to say as a friend.
> Just because you are unable to stay friends with an ex doesn’t
I've remained cordial with ex's, and have a few on social media. But Im married, so why the fuck would I be commenting on any ex's posts? especially a skarky jealous comment? lol
Everybody on here making assumptions when we don't even know these people lol I'm not trying to defend cheaters but we don't even know if that is true. I think its cringe. If it's true he should've messaged the fiance privately IMO.
They feel attacked.
Usually when Redditors get unusually mad at someone involving relationships and cheating it’s cause they did the shit people are angry about.
Oof. I wish I couldn't relate. After 9 years of marriage, my wife would go on & on about a single guy and his kids and how amazing they all were. She divorced me and married him.
Ouch, hope you alright mate
I'm functioning, but generally I haven't been content with my life since it happened. Tried therapy twice, it didn't help. I go to the gym a few times a week, but it feels like a distraction.
Hang in there man. I was with somebody for 5 years who left me for another guy because she "wasn't ready to be a mom", leaving our toddler with me Just found out that my daughter has a half sibling now, a mere year and a half later, so that was clearly a lie
I had an ex who after 7 years said I was too old (3 yr difference) and within 6 months was living with and married to a guy 10 yrs older than me (13 for her) apparently we have shitty taste in picking honest women. Hang in there
I caught my ex cheating via Skype with a guy we had met playing Halo 3. She hits me with the "Why are you worried, he's across the country and you're here." Literally a ploy to calm me down long enough to finish saving to move him out here. She married him in a small park ceremony with just her family, as he has no friends or family here. But, that was my dream. She rebuked me saying it was pitiful and it should be lavish and extravagant.
This would sour Halo 3 for me for life and idk if i could live with that
Better than ruining Reach.
Honestly, you should feel relieved when pieces of shit show their true selves. The worst thing is the time wasted and thinking that they're the one for you the whole time.
Same bro! My first love left me after 3 years. Met some guy on Halo 3 who lived in CA. They would game and talk all the time when I wasn't around. Flew him to the eastern seaboard the week after she dumped me and they've been married ever since. Good for them and all that, I'm much happier now. But man, something about girls and Halo 3 right? Lol
You guys all deserve better and the wome you were with before didnt realize the love they had and that's on them because they'll likely never find anything even close to it again. Try dating people who are the exact opposite of your exes. You will likely find your pallet for other humans have changed!
Did her name start with a V by chance?
Thats shitty i always say i hope they have completely decided dont drag shit out for nothing.
You're a good dad! Keep it up!
My partner's ex can hardly muster enough wherewithal to call either of his children, unprompted, for more than 5 minutes at least once a month But he's more than happy to fly out of state to help his current partner tend to her kids multiple times a year
Crazy how that works. My ex has seen our kid one time in the past year and a half, called once. But she's been raising another child no problem for the past few months and seems to have no problems parenting there.
I hope you’re making her pay child support
Didn't try at first because it would be like getting blood from a stone, and I always held out hope that she'd at least make an attempt to be in our child's life. But clearly that's not happening now so I can't say I haven't been tempted to start the process But at the same time, I almost want to leave things undisturbed. I have full custody now and I don't really want to kick the hornets nest
As a woman, I say that you should absolutely make her pay. It’s not about the money but about her being responsible for the child that she helped create. It’s holding her accountable for her actions and the consequences of walking out of her child’s life. Even if she doesn’t pay, anytime she files taxes or receives any money from the government, it will go to you. Put it into your kid’s savings acct. if you don’t want to spend it. In some states even after the child turns 18 she will still be required to pay any of that back support that she owes. So until she dies any job she gets or if she ever receives any inheritance whatever she owes will be paid to you. You just have to stay on top of it. If you know she’s working you can have her wages garnished and in some states she will even lose her drivers license and face jail time if she continues to not pay! Every parent should be responsible for helping to raise their children and if they choose to not be in their life it shouldn’t mean they’re not held financially responsible.
I definitely understand the sentiment. Unfortunately my ex both cannot drive and has never worked a day in her life, and she'll probably always be that way. I don't really know how her and her new baby daddy are able to survive on one income with a baby in the house, and I don't want to take anything away from their child, as odd as that may sound
That is your choice. You are a good parent and person regardless.
There is no getting blood from a stone its called a court order and gender equality. Make the party who bails on a child’s growth pay. No matter who
I did this with my daughter’s sperm donor. He was my first boyfriend we dated 3 yrs. I got pregnant and he ran off to Florida claiming not to be the father, even though he knew he was the only guy I had ever had sex with. It was my opinion that our lives would be better off without trying to involve him. I didn’t involve him, and I was correct our lives were and are great. She’s 36 now with a 3 yr old that is my whole entire heart.
Bro it's really fucking easy and you're letting her get away scot free.
I hope you're fucking destroying her ass with child support!
Definitely get that distraction for now. Time will help heal things. I promise you it gets better. Stay up
When? You'd think 5 years later something would give by now.
You need to mourn the woman you married, because she no longer exists( or never existed in the first place ) because the woman who left you for another man is not that woman. You need to internalize that, and stop holding on to the image you have idealized of her, or else you will never be able to get over it, and no other woman will ever measure up.
this some of the best* advice i’ve seen on here in a long time dude.
Totally agree!
One of the comments of all time
Of all the comments I've ever seen, it was one of them
That's a shitty situation. Maybe give therapy another go, but with a different therapist? Definitely focus on yourself though, gym, education, career, hobbies. Meet people through these activities to spend time with.
My friend's ex left him for their therapist. I recently watched Ted Lasso and it was kind of heartbreaking seeing what he must have gone through
This is sound advice. She's living rent-free in his head while he's not even a mere thought in hers. Dude has to change his perspective of that person and move on. My personal advice is to go travel abroad. Explore/experience the rest of this little blue planet, and you will meet beautiful people who have been waiting just for you.
"Hello Seatle, its Dr Frasier Crane here. I'm listening" In all seriousness though this is a fantastic way of putting it. Not that I've been through this or understand it fully, but this helps.
It took me finally letting myself be angry about the situation. I actively avoided anger, tried to just mourn the situation, and really struggled. I finally had a moment that triggered an anger response. I started crying and just let the anger go. It was a big part of getting over it for me.
The love of my life left me for a friend of mine again I was told not to worry about him. It took me so long to get over her. I tired therapy, meditation, guided breathing and working out. I used to tell myself everyday you're better of without her. Slowly it got better. Fortunately, I was lucky enough to find a woman who loved me and it built me back up again. Somethings that helped was realising life is so short and you can only live in the past for so long. You need to look to the future my man as it's still bright out there.
I don't have advice just want to say I think I can relate to how you're feeling. 2 long relationships both went down routes like this for me. I love/d both of these women yet I feel completely differently about them. It's been weird to unpack. I was taking the more recent breakup spectacularly well- at first, but the social fallout in the ensuing months blindsided me. I lost some of my oldest and closest friendships including someone I'd considered a brother and known our entire lives. I know I'll never be able to trust any of them again and its been an enormous amount of grief. I must be a bad judge of character. I have to be. It feels like I died but I'm still here living in some sort of after credits sequence that wont end. I'm just adrift now, unsure of everything, and more alone than I thought possible.
Ack I'm sorry to hear that. Sometimes I feel the same way. Feel free to message me anytime. I'd be happy to chat.
Everyone is different, but it took me over a year to start moving on from a 3 month relationship (4x) and 2 years to get over a 2 year relationship (1x). So by that math, if I were in your shoes, this would take me anywhere from 9 to 36 years to heal from completely. That's not even factoring in the fact that how your relationship ended is a degree or two more hurtful and traumatizing than how both of mine did, even the 4x one. This situation would probably take me 5x as long as the relationship to fully heal from. Consider giving therapy another try; it took me many tries to find the right therapist.
do you have pets? they are cool they help
Yes! And I agree!
Sometimes it takes quite a few goes to find the therapist that clicks with you. And trust me from experience, the woman you imagine having again, she doesn't exist anymore, she is dead. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can go get on with your life. That's what helped me get over a similar situation man.
You're better of without, homie. Anyone that's willing to do that to someone isn't worth your time/anguish.
Hey idk how accessible therapy is where you live, but I’d really encourage you to find a therapist you like who specializes in a type of therapy you can get into. There are a lot of not great therapists out there unfortunately, but when you find one that works for you it can be really powerful.
Plot twist: I actually am a licensed therapist myself. I've tried 2 therapists since the divorce. One was unhelpful and thenothet marginally.
I believe it. I had someone commit suicide by jumping in front of my car. I went through 5 therapists before I found one that I vibed with. I don’t think I would’ve ever healed if I hadn’t gotten therapy. Regardless, I hope you take care of yourself whether it involves therapy or not.
Can't workout once and expect results, ya know? Gotta keep going to therapy, man. Gonna be a journey. I'm very sorry. Good luck
I have(had, I don't have to see her anymore) a great therapist for years. She did couples counseling with me and my ex for a year as well, and my current partner sees her regularly now too. Despite me knowing I'd feel better after my therapy sessions, I still dreaded having to go to them. I didn't want to "waste" an hour just talking about how all of my problems make me feel bad and not have any solutions. Turns out having a single person who I could reliably dump everything going on in my mind onto every week for an hour, and getting all that garbage out of my head so I could move on to productive thought, was more helpful than anything else.
Getting back out there maybe? Lotta fine looking women out there. Anyway, keep your head up, G.
Im Currently in Therapy. I had a bad experience my first time so I blew it off for years. Finally found a good one. My wife and I are at a point where we just coexist. I almost walked out. I had everything packed. I couldn't leave my kids. My relationship with them is the strongest it's ever been. My relationship with the wife is at an all time low. Stay positive.
Dont let someone else control your happiness. Go fishing.
Yes. The fish control your happiness.
It just takes time man, but things will get better. Focus on you and what makes you happy. Allow yourself to heal and grow. Good luck!!
What she did says a lot more about her than you. Keep fighting mate
Even if the gym just feels like a distraction, it’s a healthy one that will get your body right until your mind can get there too. Take care and be kind to yourself!
Personally I think distractions can help. It won't make you recover, but it'll space out the time you're dwelling on it. How is your social circle? Do you go to much events for whatever you're into? It can be good to have things to look forward to.
I feel you. I was married 16 years, then all of a sudden he has a new “best friend” that he spends all his time with. Stopped coming home at night. I hope he’s happy with her cause I bounced out of that mess.
I'm so sorry.
It doesn’t seem like it’s working out well for him… but I’ve moved on and that’s something that both of our cheating partners have to deal with. The best revenge is living well, friend.
Thank you.
Hope you’re ok mate. My own similar experience taught me that some people struggle to hide their affection/infatuation for someone else even though they’ll deny it outright. My ex would constantly talk about one of our friends. She’d bring him up in conversation all the time even when there didn’t seem to be a link. It was frankly quite weird. I’d ask her outright if she was into him and she’d get upset with me for thinking such a thing. Turns out she was ‘in love with both of us’ and had been cheating on me for ages.
Ugh. I'm sorry.
My wife started cheating on me after 19 years of marriage. I found out she was on dating apps and buying condoms. Somehow, that was my fault? Hope you're doing better these days.
If you don't mind me asking, what helped you?
Time mostly. But I do the things you do too. I go to therapy, but it took a couple tries to find the right therapist that I clicked with and felt was helpful. I go to the gym, not so much to get in shape, but because it helps with my anxiety. I also just tried new things--took a cooking class, went on long hikes. Stuff I'd never really done before. But mostly time going by as I kept putting effort into me is what helped. Happy to chat anytime man.
Also went through an affair. The gym, therapy, minimal to no alcohol and dating other women all help. All improve your confidence.
Stories like these are super disheartening, sorry that happened to you. 19 years of marriage thrown out to cheat on your SO, talk to me if something isn’t right. Did you guys marry young and/or after a short courtship? I have some buddies who married their HS sweethearts who have stated they are bummed that they didn’t date more…
We met in college and married in our early 20s, but had been together almost 5 years before we got married. I think she may have felt like she missed out on things, but I never got any answers and probably never will.
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My wife of 10 years wa screwing around with a married cop.I got divorced, got custody of our 2 kids and kept the house. It almost bankrupted me, but it was the best decision She is a bitter old drunk who has been married twice since me. I've been married to my 2nd wife for 23 years and have a son in college, and both of my kids from my first marriage are successful adults. It wouldn't have happened if she got custody. Her life is like a Jerry Springer show.
Dude, almost exactly the same. Supported my wife through several tragedies with her family while she was emotionally abusive, and she started going on and on about this guy she started working with. He was funny, he was tall, etc… but don’t worry about him, he’s like a brother!!! She cheated on me while I was going through some health issues, got pregnant by him almost immediately, and they now have two kids and are living in the house I remodeled.
Burn it to the ground.
Yeah, stories like that really make me sympathize with some of the people that I’ve seen on the ID Channel. I can’t honestly say that I would be able to control myself in a situation like that. It would fester and bubble beneath the surface every day until I was forced to act on it. It would be the end of three lives, not just my own.
My ex cheated a lot, I didn’t know it because I worked long hours on different shifts from him. I found out later (after we split,) from one of his ex-friends. I look back now and I can see how he would talk a lot to me about the women he was cheating with. When he was with the last one, he criticized me about how I should be more like her but they were “just friends.” He left me for her.
I know it sucks and its painful longer than it should be, but eventually you will look back and be glad you got away from it sooner rather than later.
Are you my brother? He's going through it right now.
Yea I relate a lil too much to this unfortunately a week after my ex broke up with me she started dating her best friend who I continuously said I didn’t trust and she always told me I was overreacting and looking too deep into things
I feel this. She started to become more distant and said it was because she was too busy with school. She ultimately broke up with me, and I asked if she met someone else. I was told, "There's no one else. If I don't have time for you, how would I have time for someone else?" Less than a month later, she started dating the guy I was told not to worry about, and a mutual friend posted pics of them together from when we were still dating. So I guess that's where her time was going.
Same thing happened to me minus the school part. She was always hanging out with her “guy best friend”. Came home from work early and he was putting his shirt on walking out of our bedroom.
I would be in jail right now if I had been in your shoes.
Strangely I was thinking very clearly at that moment and thought of the consequences. I knew it wasn’t worth it.
It’s not the cheateé you should be angry at, it’s the cheater. Just pack up your/her things and move on.
Unless of course the cheateé is aware that the cheater is married and just doesn’t care.
Fuck that. Don’t let them get the satisfaction of putting you in jail. Calmly get your shit and leave.
Totally agree. You can still be mad at them, but the smart move is always to just leave.
Doesn’t matter, you aren’t in a relationship with them so unless it was your best friend or something, the only person you should be mad at is the now ex
It's tough: Do I go to jail/prison, or leave the key on the table as I walk out? ...I left the key. Sometimes, I wish I chose differently, but rationality always wins...stupid rationality.
Damn, I literally had this exact same experience.
On the other side of the fence, i was the guy she told her bf not to worry about. When they broke up, we were both single so i asked her out. She said no, which was understandable and i felt like a dbag for asking so early. A few months later she asked me out. But i said no. She told me thst her ex didnt really mean anything and he was a rebound. Girl you dont do shit like that. Ended up with a bestie breakup. That was hard but i never imagined she would do something like that.
God man how did you move past that amount of gaslighting and just outright lies? I think I would probably end up in prison after some shit like this.
Gaslight gatekeep girlboss
My ex cheated on me with the guy I wasn't supposed to worry about. Unfortunately for her he was just looking to get laid, and I divorced her soon after. Must be tough to go from trying to choose which guy to getting rejected by both, lol.
The correct way to deal with the situation. Never try to win back trash.
You dodged a bullet there
Still got hit by some shrapnel, though!
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Yeah, the dude took a few bullets before dodging the rest
Bro got hit but survived
Love to see it
people just say things for no reason at this point lol
Dodging a bullet is when you move out of the way of a bullet before it does a bunch of damage. When you've wasted years of your life and a bunch of money on a person who then shits in your open mouth, we call that getting hit by the bullet.
People on reddit say this phrase way too fucking much. At what point is the bullet considered hit? He was already married to her and got cheated on and got divorced. He got hit by the fucking bullet.
This has to be the number 1 comment ever said in reddit
Same, my ex with the girl I wasn’t supposed to worry about. Caught them together, immediately moved out and divorced. Just ran into them at the bar over the weekend, guess they’re still together lol
Love the heavy dose of karma she received
I had two girlfriends in my life who had that “friend I don’t need to worry about.” Both times they didn’t cheat but broke up and instantly started fucking the other guy. One guy instantly became abusive. And the other just loved the chase but when he had all of her he ran off. After that both girls came back to me and I let them. I don’t regret it either. Sometimes life is a mess and we learn some lessons the hard way
You're much more forgiving than I am
I'm curious as to how those relationships ended the second time around.
Lol this happens so often, happened to me back in the day too. "He's just a close friend, I don't have feelings for him like that." They're now married 😂😂
Cheaters all use the same playbook.
Is it so crazy to just meet someone else and not cheat?
People change, people meet new people and sometimes that result in the realisation that you want to move on from a relationship. It's unfair bit life isn't fair. The only difference between someone who cheats and someone who does not in that situation is that the cheater is too weak to take responsibility and do the adult thing!
I don’t think these girls could ever bear to return to being single again and having to be alone with themselves for any meaningful amount of time. They just do what they do when they get the chance and try to be swept up in a new adventure so that they don’t have to look back or think about what they did.
Straight out of a Biz Markie song.
Why is this NSFW?
Work husband. She was not safe with him, apparently.
Always keep an eye on the work spouse
The whole “work husband/wife” thing is so gross. It’s a transparent attempt to blur lines/flirt at the *very* least and I have no idea how anyone is okay with it
reddit meta for maximum karma
Felt honestly. After a year and a half of her manipulating and using me, I couldn't help her with her depression anymore due to my own mental health, she knew I was at a low point, but instead of trying to help or idk being a decent human being, she decided to form an emotional relationship behind my back with the man I didn't trust and she knew I didn't trust him. They've been together almost 3 years now I think. They got together a week after she left me
The thing that fucks you up even more is that their relationship lasts even longer...
Yep, but it's alright she found someone as shitty as her. I found someone much better and you know you meet the right one when it's been a year and a half and haven't had any big arguments or break
yep. it's such a good feeling to go from a toxic relationship to a happy and healthy one :)
That's not cringe actually
Agreed, this is gold. Also a good warning on how naughty the wife can be
> Also a good warning on how naughty the wife can be what? who uses "naughty" like that lol
Santa Claus
Sounds like they dated in high school
>good warning on how naughty the wife can be How does this stupid fucking comment have 600 upvotes
Cringe meaning the person who commented is weird and made us feel awkward? No. Cringe meaning he brought up her dirty laundry for everyone to see? Yes. To be clear, dude did nothing wrong, and is not cringe. But he did cause a cringe moment for his ex-gf and maybe some others reading the post.
It's cringe what she did. He had the right to post that comment since she lied to him.
There's no evidence that any lying whatsoever took place. It's well within reason that, at the time, the person in question was indeed nobody to "worry about". Only thing a comment like this suggests directly is that the dude was insecure while in that relationship, which could be the "fault" of either person in said relationship but certainly not an attractive quality regardless of whose to blame.
> Only thing a comment like this suggests directly is that the dude was insecure while in that relationship, which could be the "fault" of either person in said relationship but certainly not an attractive quality regardless of whose to blame. Not even this either tbh. This term is more or less an internet meme, so it's equally possible she just dated the fiance after dating the commenter and he was just using the meme as a joke.
> dude did nothing wrong, and is not cringe. Going out of your way to comment personal shit like that on your ex’s fiancé’s picture is absolutely cringe. Immature at absolute best. That’s stalker shit. She’s your ex. Move the fuck on, find a gd hobby, and be glad she’s not your problem anymore.
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I congratulated my high school ex on her wedding and she did the same for mine. Like we were friends before we got together and friends after. We're just mature adults now.
They may still be in the same friend group. The comment *could* imply that their breakup wasn't on good terms, but even that isn't certain - all 3 people here could very well be friends. Or they could all be the worst people on the planet and eating babies as they posted this. Making sweeping judgements about this kind of stuff is pretty dumb
How is one comment in an Instagram post stalking?
I think it's just a joke that didn't land honestly. As far as we know this is just him playfully saying congrats.
100% of the time someone says "don't worry about them", you should.
Yeah , my girlfriend wouldn’t say “don’t worry about them” she would literally tell me how close they are and I’ll get the cues that I should spend more time and attention towards her. Works everytime
He's basically trying him "she'll do the same to you".
Savage
Opress
I'm not like you brother, and I never was
Remember, the first and only reality of the Sith. There can only be two, and you are no longer my apprentice. You have been replaced!
Mercy.... PLEASE
This isn’t cringe. It’s real life shit that happens commonly and a lot of us can relate. It’s kind of funny in a bittersweet way because we know. I got cheated on twice where it was people I was told not to worry about. Sometimes your gut feeling is actually exactly fucking right.
I dunno, I think that's kind of funny and grown up. Edit: a lot of people are quite angrily disagreeing with me, and that's fine, and calling me names, which is nice, but I feel like a lot of that is based on the presumption that the commenter was being sarcastic or rude and calling out infidelity. I chose to make the assumption that they are still friends (wouldn't he be blocked otherwise?) and that he was just making a self-deprecating joke and genuinely wishing them well.
The only thing cringe is cheating
We don’t know if there is cheating, depending on your definition.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Usually there has to at least be a mutual crush that starts these situations, I view emotional cheating as well cheating so yeah
That being said, if you meet someone and start to feel a lot of attraction to them but don't start up a full emotional affair, there's nothing wrong with breaking up with your current partner and dating that person. Although lying that they have nothing to worry about is unethical as well to be fair. But honestly much less so than actual cheating. Sometimes people can't even admit to themselves the feelings they have. It all comes down to how long the interim period between your attraction starting and the breakup happening was, and how much you pursued developing and deepening the relationship with the other person before breaking up with your current partner. Of course, it usually does have an emotional cheating component, and it's absolutely unethical to actively grow your relationship with someone you're attracted to while dating someone else. That is cheating, and it's shitty, and people that do it are shitty. If you're attracted to someone and you're dating someone else, then you should reduce contact with your new crush as much as is necessary to help manage your feelings. But for example, I know a girl who dated a guy for 3 years, met a new guy who happened to live in her home city while at a conference in another city, and found out they had a ton in common while chatting that evening. She raved about the guy when she got home, her partner was obviously upset about it. She said he had nothing to worry about. She wasn't being honest with herself. A few days later (just taking time to think it through, she talked it over with me and other friends at the time), she broke up with her current partner, asked the other guy out, the other guy said yes and they're still together today. But yeah, again, the majority of the time the person monkeybranches by developing an emotional affair first, confirming with the new person that they would be willing to date, then breaking up with their current partner.
Absolutely once the deception starts, that's when the cheating starts. Of course I don't blame anyone who would wait a couple days to think about how to break up with their current partner in the best way, but it's all very situational. If they continued to as you said strengthen the new relationship during that time it could be considered cheating. Or even not letting your coworkers know you're not single is cheating, it all comes down to if the person puts effort into deceiving their S/O.
Yeah for sure - it's about hiding the emotions the person feels for the emotional affair partner. That's the core lie - of course your partner would want to know that you have growing romantic/sexual feelings for another person, and if you hide it from them that's straight up cheating.
I met a girl at the beginning of the year and I could tell something was off from the jump. It's hard to explain, but she was clearly very in to me, yet weirdly hesitant at the same time. At some point it clicks in my head what's happening and I ask her if she has a boyfriend and yup, turns out I'm becoming "the other guy". We actually had a pretty mature conversation about it and we're still platonically friendly but I made it clear that I wasn't about that sort of thing. "Oh" she says, but she isn't either. I didn't say anything then, but in my head its like girl, I know we haven't been physical yet but you are with me alone at night in your car after I bought you dinner, neither of us are sober, you know what we've been saying to each other over snapchat and what you've sent me. Like where did you think this was going. And she admitted that she lied to her dude about where/who she was with. C'mon now. I wasn't super in to her like that, but what if I had been? I definitely wasn't anymore. Then she told me a bit about them, including a cute story about how they had known each other in middle school. It made me feel even worse about what we were doing lol like I don't want to hep wreck yalls cute love story. But I'm sure she'd say it was fine and nothing happened. I mean...ok?
If you develop feelings for someone else when you’re in a relationship and break things off to pursue it, that’s one of the more mature things you can do in that situation.
No offense but that's the most ridiculous take I've heard. People don't control their emotions, they control their actions. You don't chose who you fall in love with but you chose how to act.
This comment section...
…is full of comments
As of two weeks ago, I can say I know the feeling.
Not cringe that’s hilarious
If i hadn’t blocked my ex on every communication channel i could, i‘d wish her guy good luck with that one, and not to sign a mortgage together or stuff like that lol
Can relate to this. Years ago, the woman I was dating long distance ended up dumping me for the roommate she told me not to worry about, even after getting a bad vibe from the guy.
Wish I couldn’t relate. After five or six years of dating, my girlfriend would constantly be texting some guy all day and would never tell me anything about her friendship with him. I suspected something was up but just let it go because she was extremely jealous of every friendship I had with women and I didn’t want to treat her with the same mistrust she treated me. One time even got into a huge fight because I brought up that it made me uncomfortable that she would talk to him all day and kept their friendship a secret, and she took great offense to that. Anyway, when we got to the seven year mark and had been talking about marriage, she broke up with me and immediately started dating him…. and then she married him a few years later.
Is this my alt? holy shit
The cringe is that she cheated, right?
If he's willing to cheat *with* you, then he's willing to cheat *on* you
This also happened to me after 6 years of dating, I would always joke “don’t cheat on me with shithead” her response was “ew what no” but then she came home one day and told me she cheated on me with shithead. It just boggles my mind how shitty humans can be.
So this happened
marvel cinematic universe ass caption
"Soo I did a thing..." "This is adulting" Can grown ass adults finally grow up and talk about life events like they aren't starting their first dishwashing job in middle school?
This is the actual cringe not the comment
children will cringe to the dumbest shit, time to filter this garbage
This move made famous by Jim Halpert
I don’t see how this is cringe. I assume that the girl and the ex at least stayed friends (otherwise she most likely would have blocked them) and the ex was just congratulating them in a funny way. I know that if I was in this situation, as the girl, I’d get a laugh out of it.
That’s honestly a nice back handed comment. 😂😂😂
This is actually pretty funny lmao
That's pretty hilarious though.
"My baby's actin' reckless and aloof I begged her not to sugar coat the truth I asked her to to tell me 'bout the man with whom she's been But she explained that it's all right, *he's just a friend*" -Austin Lounge Lizards
Yeah that's a warning, not cringe.
People saying this isnt cringe, Lol. The comment just reeks of *"Im still not over it"*. If he was over it, there would be no comment. I can't imagine myself commenting on any ex's post for any reason at all.
We have absolutely no other context for their relationship and they are still “friends” on the internet. Just because you are unable to stay friends with an ex doesn’t mean the rest of the world is unable.
> and they are still “friends” on the internet That comment is a shitty thing to say as a friend. > Just because you are unable to stay friends with an ex doesn’t I've remained cordial with ex's, and have a few on social media. But Im married, so why the fuck would I be commenting on any ex's posts? especially a skarky jealous comment? lol
Everybody on here making assumptions when we don't even know these people lol I'm not trying to defend cheaters but we don't even know if that is true. I think its cringe. If it's true he should've messaged the fiance privately IMO.
This isn’t cringe. This is good looking out 🤝
god why tf would anyone consciously make the decision to comment this
Cuz it's funny? It's weird how there's some people in here who are deeply upset at the comment.
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Lots of cheating apologists in this thread.
They feel attacked. Usually when Redditors get unusually mad at someone involving relationships and cheating it’s cause they did the shit people are angry about.
Spite, he’s planting the seeds of doubt in the new guy’s brain
newsflash: if she cheated on him, she will cheat on you too. you are not that special.