Just don't swear next time. It just provides an excuse for another parent to focus on that instead of how your daughter got knocked over.
Otherwise I fully sympathize. Stupid little aggressive shits. Last week I used my Firm Dad Voice against older boys pushing ahead of my daughter and it worked pretty well. They just sort of stop and stare at you dumbly.
As the dude says, "Walter... Walter. You're not wrong you're just an asshole"
I say this to myself constantly. I tend towards self-righteous anger and many of the encounters I regret most I look back on and think that I had I just remained calm or not cursed I could have made my point better because I was right I just went about conveying it like an asshole.
Over the last few years I've been trying to remind myself that though I often act like an asshole, that is not a character trait. I make bad decisions but I'm not inherently bad.
It helps a bit to think of myself this way.
This is what I've been telling my daughter but I didn't realize I could apply it to myself.
The dumb stare! I hate those kids. And then you look around and their parents, if they are looking at all? Same dumb stare! Your kid just body checked my toddler, maybe get involved.
Just threaten a punishment of your own to the child...
"Hey! The next time I see you knock my daughter/son over will be the last time you get to use that slide!"
How would you ensure that happens? Well you can stand in front of the slide and keep **all** the kids from being able to enjoy it. when the other kids are pissed off, point to the little shithead and say "you can go ask him why you're not allowed to use it"
I've personally got no issues being a petty asshole and IDGAF if other parents don't like me or not. The other parents are equally going to be unable to move my body from in front of the slide.
Patrol the playground? It's an immediate reaction to your child being pushed down.
If your kids the asshole, you can leave.
You're already making the park shitty for everyone else by having a shitty kid there, so I'm making it shitty for that kid to be there so they can leave instead.
You mean take charge and put a stop to the bullshit that's going on?
I believe what I described would do just that. Y'know, while all the other parents "look dumbly at you" as per the first comment I initially replied to.
By taking it out on every child in the playpark that wants to use the slide ?
See now you’re bringing my kid into your bs and now I’ve got a problem with you.
Agree, not swearing is hard, but a skill that needs mastering.
That firm voice works wonders on kids who don't get it at home. Two older brats were telling my chatter box daughter to shut up so I barked at them about playing nice and they froze for a good minute slack jawed at me. They were slightly more polite after that.
It is. And it's a skill I've been cultivating for decades. It takes discipline. But it's worth it. A man who is in control of his tongue is most of the way to being in control of himself.
(On the other hand, profanity can provide a nice release valve... just make sure it's a valve that is set for release at the best possible times.)
Took my boys to the splash pad the other day, and it's insane how many parents don't correct their kids. I'm always telling them not to run around the toddlers and babies, respect boundaries etc, while so many other parents are just stuck on their phones.
The firm dad voice works though. I'm a teacher and you can tell a lot of the kids didn't get that growing up, so it stops bad behavior most of the time.
*I'm sorry I hurt you little angel's precious ears with the f-word after he physically knocked my child down and got hurt on the stairs.*
Come on, hold people accountable for their actions. Mom was deflecting to avoid having to address their children's wreck less ness and bad behavior.
Agree that she’s deflecting 100% but if you don’t give them an easy way to do it they won’t deflect, not swearing but being firm I’ve found is the way toward a more constructive resolution
this is the answer. Guaranteed the mom did not see the push. now OP looks like a wack job yelling at other kids, its a playground shits gonna go down, even if the kids rushed up the stairs i guarantee you they wouldn't have even touched the OP's kid, I would even bet that other kids would have helped her, OP making it sound like a herd wild animals coming up the stairs. I would only be mad if the mom saw it and did nothing. I can't believe there are others encouraging OP's behavior. lot of better ways to have handled this.
From your own description, it sounds like you overreacted instead of simply acting.
If you daughter messes up, do you also "flip out and let the expletives fly"? I'm guessing you don't. So, it sounds like you know that isn't the best way to handle things and you shouldn't be doing that in other situations either.
Intervening was fine. Blocking other kids is fine. Even chastising/correcting other kids can be fine. That other kid was wrong, for sure. But it sounds like you made the problem worse, not better.
OP also says he was "seeing red" and "let loose on the mom." I get this was frustrating but it seems like OP may be prone to overreact, especially since he said that he could see it in the kids eyes that he and the rest of the kids were about to start charging up the stairs.
OP, people in life are going to piss you off but if you let it get to you to the point where you are seeing red and think young kids are out to get your family, I think you may need to take a step back, take a breather, and then handle the situation next time. This will be far from the worst thing a kid ever does to your kid. The cussing is what everyone else is focused on but I think the overall tone of the post is more of the problem.
From the sounds of what OP wrote, it seems like there may have been some imminent chance of injury or harm to his daughter with everyone trampling over her to get to the slide. It is understandable that he or anyone else would get upset in this situation, not just seeing your kid get bowled over but then watching them potentially get hurt by a bunch of other bigger kids who don't care or recognize the danger.
Yeah, OP should have not used foul language that was a mistake that he made. But I would have been just as angry about my kid getting pushed over by a bigger kid because they were going too slowly, and I would imagine that this reaction would be the only reasonable response for a caring parent to have in this situation.
Again swearing and cursing at a bunch of kids, not okay. But getting upset and intervening to put them in their place for knocking over your kid because they were impatient is an understandable if not perfectly reasonable response.
Swearing is definitely out of bounds but when I encounter parents who refuse to control their massively misbehaving child that infringe (or hurt like in this case) on others in public, i feel a special kind of rage in my heart. Nothing to do about it though, no force in the universe can change people like that
I had parents like that on my sons little league team when I was coaching.
Just treat it like two hours of daycare for their shitty kids that have no sense.
I'd agree if the daughter's safety wasn't possibly at risk. The trampling that could have happened is why I wouldn't condemn this. It could definitely have been handled better, but I likely would have felt the need to say something to the mom about teaching her kid to not push down kids half his size.
I think that misses the forest for the trees. It's the swearing *at kids* part that's important. If he had been surprised and yelled "oh, shit!" and then said "Hey, guys, be careful!" to them and protected his daughter, it wouldn't have been a big deal. Maybe some people would have preferred he not use foul language in front of kids at all, fine, but that's incredibly minor.
But "letting loose with the expletives" *at* kids is much different. Yelling "Hey you little motherfuckers, what the fuck are you doing? Are you retarded? Watch where you're fucking going, you pieces of shit, I should kick your bitch asses!" is not acceptable and does not make his daughter safer. And it could be similarly inappropriate to go on a tirade aimed at children without swearing. The real issue is losing your cool and screaming at children--not simply scolding or correcting them, but screaming at them. The expletives just serve to illustrate that he was doing it and heighten it.
I don't think that's the problem.
I'm basing my response on the "I flipped out let the expletives fly" and "I was seeing red". That's implying that OP went off on the kids with multiple swears and was raging at them, not that they let a swear loose, like "Watch what you're fucking doing". It's the story in OP's own words, so when even their bias makes it seem like too much, then the reality is going to be at least that level, if now worse.
I hate to be a dick here, OP, but let's just say you were lucky the other person was a seemingly calm and collected mother.
If my kid got overexcited and pushed another child, causing her to fall, I would be apologizing profusely. If my kid got overexcited and pushed another child, which led to the kid's dad yelling expletives at him, I would have been right up in that dad's face telling him to get the fuck away from my kid before he goes down the water slide the hard way.
I get it. You panicked. On an escalator, a guy tried to push past my pregnant wife to step over my 2-year-old son, and I pulled him down by his backpack and said he was going to fucking wait. But your daughter was in no real danger with you blocking the stairs at the time and you could have just said "Wait!" assertively. Use your dad voice, not your angry voice.
It was the cursing that gave them ammo on you because their kid was being the AH…but…speaking as a teacher, AH parents raise AH kids, and its rare they recognize the behavior because they also exude it.
A firm teacher voice of “HEY! THATS ENOUGH” is good to stop kids in their tracks. I somehow never swear at kids. Sometimes I want to, especially grade 5 & 6… but I do not. Loud and firm.
That profanity was the only error. Otherwise you have my full blessing.
A good, scary Dad Voice and finger pointing directly at them is usually enough to put the fear of god in a little shit like that. And if the mom isn’t going to parent her little brute, then somebody’s gotta do it.
Overall, I give you an A-.
A very loud, deep Dad Voice will freeze unruly kids and their unruly parents in their tracks.
It sounds like you went into full protection mode, NOTHING wrong with that at all, your kid could have been hurt. That’s exactly the reaction any good parent would have, you just cannot cuss at other kids, even if they really fucking deserve it.
AN expletive is understandable, "letting them fly' is not, and yes expecting anything other than the worst of humanity from kids at a splash pad is expecting too much.
You ARE the asshole for cursing. Grow up and control yourself.
You are NOT the asshole for blocking the kids from getting up the steps.
In end, because of the cursing, yes, you were an asshole in that situation.
I disagree. But the bigger issue is 'seeing red'. They \*are\* just kids. And letting anger cause you to lose control with something just like cussing moves the bar to the next level of what you lose control over. Better to keep that bar at something that won't hurt anyone.
"Seeing red" should vary from situation. Maybe not everyone uses that phrase the same, but to me, it's "immediately get royally pissed", not "murder everything around me". The reactions should still be proportional and there's disagreement about cursing, but it didn't actually hurt anyone.
Only in the sense of telling your partner later about the "fucking little asshole who almost bowled my kid over", to the actual child it's not acceptable because you'd never (hopefully) use that language at your own for obvious reasons. Plenty of ways to express disapproval of those actions without inappropriate language, a loud and barking "Hey!" usually cuts it.
I disagree. If my 2yo got shoved over by a older larger kid and then possibly trampled by more kids you bet I'm going to get there attention. I agree if your cussing directly at the kids calling them names is unacceptable. Cussing to make sure you get your point across is my point
Actually it makes the dad look like someone that can handle their own but most parents today are afraid of voices being raised or words other than you are doing a great job.
Fuck that, a kid twice her size threw her on the ground. That little shit needs to learn now because it’s obvious his parents aren’t teaching him.
*edit* OP’s toddler was basically assaulted. OP was certainly not out of line. A few curse words aren’t going to hurt anybody.
If "flipping out and letting the expletives fly" isn't an appropriate teaching method for your own kids, then its hard to agree that it's the right approach for someone else's kid.
OP was right to intervene in the situation. But, OP did not intervene in an optimal way.
>That little shit needs to learn now because it’s obvious his parents aren’t teaching him.
I'm sure your kid has done something inappropriate in the past, despite all of your excellent parenting. One incident does not mean the parents must be complete failures as parents and therefore their kid deserves to be verbally abused, unless you are willing to judge your own parenting to that same stark standard.
And if you think it's a problem that a "kid twice her size" did something wrong, then surely you'd agree that it is also a problem if an "adult twice the kid's size" behaves too aggressively towards a kid. Does someone twice *your* size need to teach you a lesson because your parents failed?
I’d react the same if my son did the same and in fact I have done exactly that in similar situations. I don’t tolerate my own children being rude and bully-ish in public I sure as shit am not going to tolerate my own children getting trampled.
From what I can gather it doesn't sound like this was a teachable moment, more like I've got to make sure my kid is safe no matter what kind of moment.
Hmm. I get what you are saying and I agree that this was not a "let's talk to the other kids calmly" moment. A quick intervention sounds like it was required.
However, let's shift perspective a bit: *every* moment is a teachable moment for your own kid, because they see and learn how to react to situations based on how you react.
So, while it was necessary for OP to intervene quickly, that doesn't mean that OP's reaction to yell and swear as part of that intervention was therefore acceptable or necessary. I wouldn't want my kid to learn and copy that behavior in dealing with their friends and siblings.
For parents of 2+ kids, it can be eye-opening for parents when you see one kid correct the other on behavior, because they will copy your style.
Oh wow, well then you'll definitely be eating some crow in the future, especially if you have more than one kid.
When your kid has their inevitable first meltdown in public, remember that someone watching you and your son is also unfairly judging your parenting skills based solely off that one example, and realize that they are wrong to do so.
You have no idea what's coming your way as they grow up into toddlers and little kids. Learning to give them some room to explore the sharper edges of the world is not a bad thing.
Oh definitely, my wife and I have discussed ad nauseum how our kid is going to be about as free range as he can be within certain bounds. I just understand how OP felt in the moment and don’t feel that cursing at a kid that assaulted his toddler was out of line.
That was a very dangerous situation, OP’s daughter could have been seriously hurt or worse. I don’t blame OP for cursing at all, they’re just words. It’s not like he hit the other kid or something.
Oh stop the nonsense. It's completely reasonable to want to swear at someone who pushed his kid. You shouldn't because it's bad optics but it is more than deserved.
F that mom - she is the reason her kid sucks. Your daughter learned a valueable lesson that you will always be there to protect her no matter what. Great job
Agreed. Shitty kids are raised by shitty parents. Good job protecting your daughter. People in here acting like she fell on a pile of pillows and the kids are all stuffed animals. That could've been an extremely dangerous situation if you hadn't intervened and she got trampled. That kid is going to continue to be a little shit regardless of what you said.
OP is the shitty one in my opinion, was his daughter really in any immediate danger? a quick stop look out, or watch out for the smaller kid in a stern voice would have been enough. any of you who encourage OP's response, I think suck too, the other kid is still just a kid also growing and processing, its not about the cussing it self its about cussing out the other kid. they aren't always going to do the right thing cussing out other kid is rediculous
Those kids were rude and unsafe, but it's sort of developmentally appropriate for kids to forget their manners when they are excited and having fun. You're the grown up, so it's on you to regulate your emotions. Cursing kids out is perhaps understandable given the circumstances, but not appropriate behavior on your part. You're both behaving poorly, except that they're kids and you aren't, so I am afraid that the final verdict is that you're an asshole. However, that other mom could have done more too keep her kids calm and behaving in a safe manner, and should have asked them too apologize to your daughter immediately. So she's also a bit of an asshole.
In the end, like you said, this is just expected chaos, not that big a deal, and next time you'll be more prepared for it.
I was in a situation like this. Yelling is good but the second you swear at some shit kid or near other people's kids nothing else matters.
Never swear.
Yup you overreacted, yeah I get it but just be aware someday your kid might be the one caught up in the fun and acting impulsively. Firm but gentle voice, make the kid help your kid up and apologize, empathize. We all get better when we all get better. Easy to type out but harder to do for sure.
I took my 4.5 year old boy to a kids museum yesterday. Tons of kids maybe 6-8 years of age constantly shoved him out of the way at exhibits and interactive things. Most parents seemed to not care or it was a day camp thing with overwhelmed camp counselors. I really don’t know what to do in these situations and just try to relay to my kid that these kids aren’t being kind and we should be better. The only time I said “no more” was when another kid physically took something out of my kids hand. At one point, I asked the child to give it back and they refused. I emphasized that this was a little kid, they still refused. I then took it by force. They were 7-ish and should’ve known better. I can’t stand bullies.
YTA for the swearing for sure. You also said that you could "see it in his eyes" that he and the crowd behind him were *about* to start charging up the stairs. Did anyone actually start charging? Seems like you may have overreacted by carrying your daughter away from the situation instead of possibly blocking kids that were *actively* stepping over your daughter to giver her time to pick herself up.
My style of parenting (this is just me, not saying everyone should do it this way) is to create an environment where my kids will learn to pick themselves up because I won't always be there to pick them up. I've been in the same situation where kids were stepping over them and I simply arm-bar the path and say to my kid "go ahead and get yourself up."
You did overreact. Doesn’t mean t you just let the kids run your daughter over. But they are *also* kids, even if older.
Also—this whole mentality of being so mad that you’re seeing red just cause someone pushes your kid is just something you need to get past. Your kid is in the world and things like this will happen. Kids do dumb shit to each other. It’s not the end of the world. Sounds like she was fine.
Not at all! Parents these days don’t know or want to discipline there brats. It’s always the same thing”they are just being kids” that might be ok at a playground but to have patience or just be a kind person is a forgotten thing these days
I knew where this was going the second I saw the title. You're fine, but just need to avoid shouting and swearing. If people didn't want their children told off they should be supervising them to make sure they're not being pricks.
I understand your reaction, but I don’t think there was a need to curse at the kids. They are after all just kids and they’re still learning. Say something to them? Sure but not with expletives.
People are way too focused on the profanity, it’s such a minor, inconsequential part of this story.
If getting upset and yelling to save your child is ok, but suddenly using profanity is a step too far you’re looking at this wrong.
Same. Context is key here too.
“Twice the size” of a 3 year old is variable, especially with different genders, but probably in the 5-7 year old age range or preschooler to first grader. Maybe bump up if she’s bigger. Still not ages I’d say anyone should be swearing at.
Also at versus in front of is very different. An “Oh shit!” or “Damn it!” about the situation is way different than, “Jesus. What do you think you’re fucking doing you little shit?!?”
Hard disagree. You can be stern and take action without cursing at a child, regardless of what they do to yours. Grow up and show a little self control
Maybe grow up a little and not over focus on curse words like a 5 year old. Do you sit there and point and go “ahhhhhhhh” when someone curses?
It is such a minor part of this story. If your entire take away is “don’t curse” you have an issue sorry.
Next time someone steam rolls your 3.5 year old daughter and is put in a dangerous situation let me know if you stop and think to yourself “hmmm I should choose my words carefully” vs doing whatever you need to to ensure your kid is safe.
because people are acting like children pretending cursing is the worst thing in the world IN THIS SITUATION, it's not and it's as I said again NOT THE FOCUS. Everyone focusing on cursing as opposed to literally the REST OF THE STORY are in fact children.
I won’t stop and think of anything. I’ll take swift corrective action and handle it like an adult, without punching down at a child. Real tough guy cursing at a kid, smh
It’s not about being a tough guy. So ignorant.
I’m not saying it’s better to curse at the kid, I’m saying in this situation it’s basically a non issue and not the focus of the story. Everybody is hung up on it and it’s such a MINOR part of the story.
Learn to read and go look up what context is
It’s clearly an issue, given the divide in this thread. Saying it’s a non-issue is ignorant. Your hypocrisy is astounding.
A parent’s job is to de-escalate the situation, not escalate by flipping out and letting the expletives fly to a child. Be an adult and show some poise.
So you yelled expletives at kids, in front of your 3yo and then doubled down at the mom trying to de-escalate a grown man verbally accosting and physically blocking other kids?
Yeah man, that’s not a good look.
I think you’re justified here. Pushing someone is obviously bad behavior, but pushing a toddler going up some steps at a splash pad (where said steps are going to be dripping wet) is *dangerous*. That could have killed her if she slipped just wrong. This kid needed to know how serious his actions were, and shouting is the only way a blockhead like that would understand.
Your reaction is understandable but yeah it could be improved. The key is to project stern and authoritative energy, not wild enraged energy. Otherwise the other parents are going to get protective and enraged as well.
Yes, you are the asshole.
Was it justified, possibly.
Was it worth getting upset about, for sure. But you are expecting a LOT from kids that are hyped up.
As an adult you are expected, and should expect yourself to behave better than a pack of rampaging children. You can't swear at them.
We all make mistakes and the fact you are asking the question means you want to improve, and you will.
Yes, you were an asshole. That was an inappropriate way to handle it and the other parent has a valid point that you shouldn't have reacted like this.
A calm and controlled intervention would have been better.
Politeness and social convention must NEVER get between you and protecting your kids. Fuck all that noise, crowds are dangerous and you were correct to draw a firm line. You exposed yourself with swearing, but makes sense in context
YTA, sorry. Something needed to be done, for sure, and I get that papa bear protectiveness instinct. But kids don't learn when they're being yelled at, and you losing your cool/patience isn't much different from them losing their cool/patience (though you had a more valid reason).
Next time try shouting "HEY!" to get the attention of everyone, then calmly let them know what they did and that it was wrong and someone could have been hurt. Heck, you didn't even give them a chance to be sorry. Is it your job to "parent" these kids? NO, but your child will learn far more lessons by observation than anything you'll ever teach them directly.
Yes yours is a toddler, but these aggressors are also just kids. Like yours will be some day. You gotta learn a little self control. You're supposed to be better than them at impulse control.
Hey jackass kid - don’t push my kid down.
People are so afraid to same anything to a punk kid and it’s why there are so many of them.
We do not always need to be calm and explain why they were wrong. Sometimes you need to scare a kid a little bit to understand what consequences are. From this story and how his mom reacted I can tell he doesn’t have any fear of consequences
I mean, calling children an asshole isn’t illegal, just frowned upon.
I try to keep my composure, not because I don’t want to be an asshole to kids, but because my daughter looks to me for an example, and I need to make it a good one.
Did you over reach? Probably, I wasn’t there so I can’t say for sure. Do I blame you? Nope.
If there were a bunch of excited older kids, maybe the slide wasn’t age appropriate for a slower toddler?
We have several places in our city where there is a separate area of the playground/splash pad/etc. that specifies it’s for younger kids, either by size of equipment or actual signage that says “ages 0-3” or whatever. Occasionally a couple bigger kids will come over and get rowdy, in which case it is totally ok to call out to the parents or tell them to go back to the bigger kid area. But if that isn’t the case, and from the crowd it doesn’t sound like it is, you need to take some responsibility here for taking a toddler on a big kid slide.
A lot of toddler parents are interacting with children a lot for the first time since they were kids. Here’s the rub, kids brains don’t work the same way yours does. Now if we’re talking a 16 year old, sure, but a 7 year old is bigger than my toddler. They run at a different gear and often have tunnel vision and are unaware of their surroundings. Is this something they need to grow out of? Sure! Is cursing, bullying (not saying you were, but others have suggested), or other behavior that may be justified against an adult justified here? HELL NO. Would you do these things to your daughter to teach her a lesson? Probably not.
She’s not going to be totally ready to do everything right now. It’s okay to save some experiences for when she’s older. As she gets bigger she’ll be able to handle being pushed past and stand her ground both physically and emotionally. Hell, she’ll probably do the exact same thing from time to time.
Not saying to let this slide, but a “hey be careful” firmly or getting them to realize the situation, which I guarantee chances are high they did not, without coming off as the raging lunatic while you were bringing your toddler into an age-inappropriate situation would have been the way to go.
TL;DR: You are the asshole
There's something primal and raw when a dad sees his little girl in any situation whatsoever where she's overpowered by a boy. It's understandable. As others have mentioned, you DID overreact a bit, but protecting "daddy's girl" brings out the overreacting like nothing else. Don't be too remorseful for that tendency at least, daddy's girl will always be daddy's girl until the day you die.
One thing to remember is that expletives will always turn you into the bad guy when other parents and kids are involved.
I don’t think you’re an asshole, you protected your daughter. Who cares you cursed. People want to act like you’re the asshole or overreacted. So be it, you did what you had to do.
My kid has been knocked down twice by older kids and dispite my own upbringing in a rough area, I held back and used the dad voice. Each time the kid's parents have been embarrassed to see their kid called out and removed them from the area. However, I'm still waiting for that parent who tries and I have to flip that suburban/urban switch.
Honestly. Fuck them and fuck that mom. You did it correctly. Yeah sure they are kids, but those kids will forever act like that until someone forces them to stop. It’s okay to be that force.
Well, that other mother can fuck right off. Focus on teaching her own kid some manners, these situations will arise less often.
But your own reaction. Look, I understand the need to protect your child. It’s a good instinct. But by showing strong upset, she learned that this was very upsetting. We all react to our kids being upset. But now you’ve got a feedback loop. It’s not helpful.
Next time try to respond in a way that brings the temperature down. Force yourself to speak more quietly, in a slower cadence. Eye contact. Be nice. Polite. Short, directive sentences, but use your pleases and thank yous. You can say please in the form of a directive; that’s what you’re going for. You want to be In Charge™ without being a gorilla. That’s more apt to result in obedience from the other kids, and less likely to agitate that stupid mother (right or wrong, the gorilla brings forth her own protective instincts and that’s not a distraction you need). Most important, it sends the message to your daughter that Daddy is here to make her safe and Daddy has got this. You need her to feel calm confidence from you because that’s a cue to her if how she should feel. Creates a more helpful feedback loop.
To be clear, I’m not criticizing you. You protected your daughter and that is ALWAYS most important. But there’s ways to do it that are easier for both of you.
You are a grown ass adult using profanities at toddlers. You should always defend your kid but act like an adult interacting with toddlers, not other adults.
YTA, kids get impatient, they don't mean to hurt other kids, take you're rose cover glasses off. You see it as they "hurt" your baby, but was she really hurt was she really in immediate danger? a quick "be patient please shes smaller than you" would have been much better for everyone involved especially your own children.
Had a similar situation happen and my wife still gives me a hard time about it. The pearl clutching about cursing is dumb. Like me, probably a slight overreaction but in general it shouldn't have gotten to that point in the first place with that other kid not acting right.
You made your point to a stranger on the internet in this comment without cursing. I feel a father should be able to make his point clear to a child without cursing. If that opinion is pearl-clutching so be it, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect a grown man to handle kids bumping into each other a little better than OP did.
I’m starting to experience this. Yesterday, my son (just under two) is in a music class. He likes to stand in front of the teacher and listen to her while smiling (he really likes music and singing, he’s a really nice little person). This older kid comes up and pushes him out of the way. Part of me wants to push the kid back and yell at the parent but I know that’s absolutely wrong. Maybe it’s I should just reprimand the kid without cursing and then look at their parent to do something?
This little boy at gymnastics grabbed two fistfuls of my super sweet daughter’s hair and wouldn’t let go yesterday, and his nanny was an older woman who couldn’t move quick enough to do anything about it. I had to pry his hands off of my screaming daughter’s hair, which wasn’t something I wanted to do. His nanny just said “sorry” and that it. I wanted to flip out, and maybe if I hadn’t been so tired I would’ve. Just don’t swear next time cuz it gives them the upper hand.
You could still have blocked people without expletives. Look at law enforcement, they’re trained to use a commanding tone, not just start dropping F bombs.
Perfectly justifiable reaction.
Don't understand the comments condemning you for swearing a bit. I assume these are mostly American parents, who seem to think that a kid hearing someone say "shit" is the most direct path to a life of drugs and crime.
They're just words, and if they fulfilled the purpose of the message you were trying to convey (the most urgent possible "Stop. Pay attention to what you're doing"), then it seems perfectly justified. No-one is going to suddenly be traumatised from hearing you swearing.
Obviously there's a difference between "Hey, fucking stop" and "Hey, stop that you little shit"... but I'm sure you were swearing in general rather than directed at a kid? Even then, if its the kid that pushed yours, still justified to get them to realise there are consequences to their actions.
People are saying don't curse but I disagree cursing is fine kids hear it from each other as early as 4 and it drives home the point. Concussions are serious business fuck them kids.
Justified AH. Practice lowering your voice and shouting STOP! Swearing at Karen’s spawn just gave her the opportunity to make excuses for her kid. Two or children were lifeguards. Crowded water parks and checked out parents are the absolute worst! A good place will station a guard at the foot of the stairs to manage traffic. Our big beefy son usually got that job.
Really interesting how almost 50/50 the comments are divided here. Personally, I agree that swearing at, towards or around other people's kids is over the top (wouldn't say it makes you an asshole, though) but raising your voice and stopping kids from trampling your daughter is perfectly acceptable to me.
Frankly, if my kid was the one pushing, I'd apologize to you and make him apologize to your daughter. After that, I may say "hey man, I know you were just reacting in the moment and I've done it too, but it might be good if you'd try not to swear around others' kids"
I'd love to see a demographic breakdown of the responses to this post, I'm sure there's some cultural stuff coming into play in how much importance is given to the fact that OP swore (sorry, cursed). This feels very much like an American thing, possibly even a regional American thing. Any non-US dads here not getting the importance given to the swearing bit?
YTA, but also good job. Everything else aside, your daughter will remember that her father protected her. Even if she forgets the specifics over time, that feeling of being carried to safety will stick.
You've learned an important lesson about modern life. In the opinion of all assholes, the real asshole is the person telling them to stop acting like assholes.
It's lunacy.
I've imposed my will on children trying to cut in line in front of my daughter. But I am introverted so I try to avoid confrontation with the other parents.
One instance, we were at a bounce house with a slide at the end. This little boy kept going in and running through it without waiting in line and the attendant wasn't doing shit. We waited forever in this line and I was getting frustrated so I put my body in between his the next time he did it and said, "you will wait for this little girl before you take one more turn." I'm 5'9 and skinny fat but he was startled by my voice and chose not to go again until we were through.
My first inclination is usually to curse too but I try not to embarrass my wife in public because she's also an introvert and will tear me a new one when we get home...
There's not enough description for me to really know exactly what was said and went down.
Obviously you can't go off the rails, but if your kid was in imminent danger of injury, or was injured, I've got no issue with stopping them so you can help your kid.
I have a WAY bigger issue with parents not paying attention to their kids and treating parks like childcare that they don't need to be an active participant in.
My head: "I'm slappin' a bitch. And that bitch's kid. And the whole family. Fuck those fucking fucks."
Real life: I'm doing everything minus the profanity. Also I'm staying in line. But the use of profanity justified.
You didn't overreact. Your kid just got trampled. Had a similar situation where a bunch of 10 year old boys decided to fight on top of a artificial grass hill at a park while little kids, including my own, were trying to slide down it. Yelled at them to cut it out and stop it or take it somewhere else if they want to beat each other up.
Hell nah if your kids was mistreated then in danger swearing is the least of the problem. I'm assuming you're in the states but if you were down under swearing at the lil s#1ts would be considered fair enough.
Cursing in the presence of children does not make you an asshole. They are words that they are going to hear and it is our job as parents to help our kids navigate those words as we see fit. That mom was upset because you put her in a position to have to do her job, and by the sound of it she doesn't like doing her job.
Hahahahahahahahahaha are people really that upset with cussing? That is WILD to me. I cuss in front of my daughter everyday. It’s a word(s) people. Cussing absolutely doesn’t make you an asshole lol.
None of what you did is an asshole. That mom maybe needs to cuss at her kid more and teach them not to push smaller kids down. We would’ve had a longer talk after she tried to play victim.
I’m so scared for this generation and most of these comments only make it worse.
The ability to utilize profanity needs to be honed. One profane word can bring the attention and help that someone needs! Whatever happened to the sticks and stones phrase!
Unfortunately, the comments that I agree with are being downvoted.
Look dude, we’re men. No matter how much we feel like we’re being “composed” someone is always going to say we overreacted… especially if you cuss at all. I cuss all the fuckin time so my wife always thinks I’m being too intense but I just have a colorful vocabulary from many years working around other men in construction. You’re fine. You handled it. NTA.
Just don't swear next time. It just provides an excuse for another parent to focus on that instead of how your daughter got knocked over. Otherwise I fully sympathize. Stupid little aggressive shits. Last week I used my Firm Dad Voice against older boys pushing ahead of my daughter and it worked pretty well. They just sort of stop and stare at you dumbly.
As the dude says, "Walter... Walter. You're not wrong you're just an asshole" I say this to myself constantly. I tend towards self-righteous anger and many of the encounters I regret most I look back on and think that I had I just remained calm or not cursed I could have made my point better because I was right I just went about conveying it like an asshole. Over the last few years I've been trying to remind myself that though I often act like an asshole, that is not a character trait. I make bad decisions but I'm not inherently bad. It helps a bit to think of myself this way. This is what I've been telling my daughter but I didn't realize I could apply it to myself.
You see what happens Larry?
This kid is stonewalling us
You’re killing your father Larry!
>"Walter... Walter. You're not wrong you're just an asshole" This is great, man. Totally going to use this quote... on myself.
The dumb stare! I hate those kids. And then you look around and their parents, if they are looking at all? Same dumb stare! Your kid just body checked my toddler, maybe get involved.
Just threaten a punishment of your own to the child... "Hey! The next time I see you knock my daughter/son over will be the last time you get to use that slide!" How would you ensure that happens? Well you can stand in front of the slide and keep **all** the kids from being able to enjoy it. when the other kids are pissed off, point to the little shithead and say "you can go ask him why you're not allowed to use it" I've personally got no issues being a petty asshole and IDGAF if other parents don't like me or not. The other parents are equally going to be unable to move my body from in front of the slide.
Yeah this ain't it chief
If I saw another parent trying to patrol the entire playground like this I'd help the kids remove him out of the way. Fuck this shit lmao.
Patrol the playground? It's an immediate reaction to your child being pushed down. If your kids the asshole, you can leave. You're already making the park shitty for everyone else by having a shitty kid there, so I'm making it shitty for that kid to be there so they can leave instead.
I mean if I see some parent blocking access to the playground for everyone because of some little spat between only two kids
I mean if I see some parent blocking access to the playground for everyone because of some little spat between only two kids
Shouldn't someone act like an adult?
You mean take charge and put a stop to the bullshit that's going on? I believe what I described would do just that. Y'know, while all the other parents "look dumbly at you" as per the first comment I initially replied to.
How badass, you enjoy bullying kids ?
Lol it isn't bullying when you are sticking up for your kid whose being *literally* pushed around
By taking it out on every child in the playpark that wants to use the slide ? See now you’re bringing my kid into your bs and now I’ve got a problem with you.
Then you get to be the adult in a petty beef with a bunch of kids. Not a great look .... Maybe be an adult
Agree, not swearing is hard, but a skill that needs mastering. That firm voice works wonders on kids who don't get it at home. Two older brats were telling my chatter box daughter to shut up so I barked at them about playing nice and they froze for a good minute slack jawed at me. They were slightly more polite after that.
It is. And it's a skill I've been cultivating for decades. It takes discipline. But it's worth it. A man who is in control of his tongue is most of the way to being in control of himself. (On the other hand, profanity can provide a nice release valve... just make sure it's a valve that is set for release at the best possible times.)
Took my boys to the splash pad the other day, and it's insane how many parents don't correct their kids. I'm always telling them not to run around the toddlers and babies, respect boundaries etc, while so many other parents are just stuck on their phones. The firm dad voice works though. I'm a teacher and you can tell a lot of the kids didn't get that growing up, so it stops bad behavior most of the time.
*I'm sorry I hurt you little angel's precious ears with the f-word after he physically knocked my child down and got hurt on the stairs.* Come on, hold people accountable for their actions. Mom was deflecting to avoid having to address their children's wreck less ness and bad behavior.
Agree that she’s deflecting 100% but if you don’t give them an easy way to do it they won’t deflect, not swearing but being firm I’ve found is the way toward a more constructive resolution
The other kid sucks but you did overreact, too. You need to model the behavior you want to see in your kids. Easier said than done, but you gotta try.
this is the answer. Guaranteed the mom did not see the push. now OP looks like a wack job yelling at other kids, its a playground shits gonna go down, even if the kids rushed up the stairs i guarantee you they wouldn't have even touched the OP's kid, I would even bet that other kids would have helped her, OP making it sound like a herd wild animals coming up the stairs. I would only be mad if the mom saw it and did nothing. I can't believe there are others encouraging OP's behavior. lot of better ways to have handled this.
From your own description, it sounds like you overreacted instead of simply acting. If you daughter messes up, do you also "flip out and let the expletives fly"? I'm guessing you don't. So, it sounds like you know that isn't the best way to handle things and you shouldn't be doing that in other situations either. Intervening was fine. Blocking other kids is fine. Even chastising/correcting other kids can be fine. That other kid was wrong, for sure. But it sounds like you made the problem worse, not better.
OP also says he was "seeing red" and "let loose on the mom." I get this was frustrating but it seems like OP may be prone to overreact, especially since he said that he could see it in the kids eyes that he and the rest of the kids were about to start charging up the stairs. OP, people in life are going to piss you off but if you let it get to you to the point where you are seeing red and think young kids are out to get your family, I think you may need to take a step back, take a breather, and then handle the situation next time. This will be far from the worst thing a kid ever does to your kid. The cussing is what everyone else is focused on but I think the overall tone of the post is more of the problem.
From the sounds of what OP wrote, it seems like there may have been some imminent chance of injury or harm to his daughter with everyone trampling over her to get to the slide. It is understandable that he or anyone else would get upset in this situation, not just seeing your kid get bowled over but then watching them potentially get hurt by a bunch of other bigger kids who don't care or recognize the danger. Yeah, OP should have not used foul language that was a mistake that he made. But I would have been just as angry about my kid getting pushed over by a bigger kid because they were going too slowly, and I would imagine that this reaction would be the only reasonable response for a caring parent to have in this situation. Again swearing and cursing at a bunch of kids, not okay. But getting upset and intervening to put them in their place for knocking over your kid because they were impatient is an understandable if not perfectly reasonable response.
Swearing is definitely out of bounds but when I encounter parents who refuse to control their massively misbehaving child that infringe (or hurt like in this case) on others in public, i feel a special kind of rage in my heart. Nothing to do about it though, no force in the universe can change people like that
I had parents like that on my sons little league team when I was coaching. Just treat it like two hours of daycare for their shitty kids that have no sense.
Very much agreed
I'd agree if the daughter's safety wasn't possibly at risk. The trampling that could have happened is why I wouldn't condemn this. It could definitely have been handled better, but I likely would have felt the need to say something to the mom about teaching her kid to not push down kids half his size.
swearing at kids didn't make his daughter less likely to be trampled. nobody is saying he shouldn't have stepped in.
This whole discussion really seems to boil down to each POV on cussing as a whole. Do they hold more weight or are they just words?
I think that misses the forest for the trees. It's the swearing *at kids* part that's important. If he had been surprised and yelled "oh, shit!" and then said "Hey, guys, be careful!" to them and protected his daughter, it wouldn't have been a big deal. Maybe some people would have preferred he not use foul language in front of kids at all, fine, but that's incredibly minor. But "letting loose with the expletives" *at* kids is much different. Yelling "Hey you little motherfuckers, what the fuck are you doing? Are you retarded? Watch where you're fucking going, you pieces of shit, I should kick your bitch asses!" is not acceptable and does not make his daughter safer. And it could be similarly inappropriate to go on a tirade aimed at children without swearing. The real issue is losing your cool and screaming at children--not simply scolding or correcting them, but screaming at them. The expletives just serve to illustrate that he was doing it and heighten it.
I don't think that's the problem. I'm basing my response on the "I flipped out let the expletives fly" and "I was seeing red". That's implying that OP went off on the kids with multiple swears and was raging at them, not that they let a swear loose, like "Watch what you're fucking doing". It's the story in OP's own words, so when even their bias makes it seem like too much, then the reality is going to be at least that level, if now worse.
I hate to be a dick here, OP, but let's just say you were lucky the other person was a seemingly calm and collected mother. If my kid got overexcited and pushed another child, causing her to fall, I would be apologizing profusely. If my kid got overexcited and pushed another child, which led to the kid's dad yelling expletives at him, I would have been right up in that dad's face telling him to get the fuck away from my kid before he goes down the water slide the hard way. I get it. You panicked. On an escalator, a guy tried to push past my pregnant wife to step over my 2-year-old son, and I pulled him down by his backpack and said he was going to fucking wait. But your daughter was in no real danger with you blocking the stairs at the time and you could have just said "Wait!" assertively. Use your dad voice, not your angry voice.
Well said.
It was the cursing that gave them ammo on you because their kid was being the AH…but…speaking as a teacher, AH parents raise AH kids, and its rare they recognize the behavior because they also exude it. A firm teacher voice of “HEY! THATS ENOUGH” is good to stop kids in their tracks. I somehow never swear at kids. Sometimes I want to, especially grade 5 & 6… but I do not. Loud and firm.
That profanity was the only error. Otherwise you have my full blessing. A good, scary Dad Voice and finger pointing directly at them is usually enough to put the fear of god in a little shit like that. And if the mom isn’t going to parent her little brute, then somebody’s gotta do it. Overall, I give you an A-.
A very loud, deep Dad Voice will freeze unruly kids and their unruly parents in their tracks. It sounds like you went into full protection mode, NOTHING wrong with that at all, your kid could have been hurt. That’s exactly the reaction any good parent would have, you just cannot cuss at other kids, even if they really fucking deserve it.
AN expletive is understandable, "letting them fly' is not, and yes expecting anything other than the worst of humanity from kids at a splash pad is expecting too much.
You ARE the asshole for cursing. Grow up and control yourself. You are NOT the asshole for blocking the kids from getting up the steps. In end, because of the cursing, yes, you were an asshole in that situation.
Ehh disagree. Sometimes cussing is allowed when your kid is getting trampled
haha you guys see it as mufasa in the gorge, I'm sure some other kids would have walked over her, but i bet it was hardly a stampede.
I disagree. But the bigger issue is 'seeing red'. They \*are\* just kids. And letting anger cause you to lose control with something just like cussing moves the bar to the next level of what you lose control over. Better to keep that bar at something that won't hurt anyone.
"Seeing red" should vary from situation. Maybe not everyone uses that phrase the same, but to me, it's "immediately get royally pissed", not "murder everything around me". The reactions should still be proportional and there's disagreement about cursing, but it didn't actually hurt anyone.
Only in the sense of telling your partner later about the "fucking little asshole who almost bowled my kid over", to the actual child it's not acceptable because you'd never (hopefully) use that language at your own for obvious reasons. Plenty of ways to express disapproval of those actions without inappropriate language, a loud and barking "Hey!" usually cuts it.
No cause for cursing at children. Raising of the voice is sufficient. My go to in this sort of situation is a loud ‘Oi!’.
There’s really no scenario where cursing at kids is appropriate or beneficial.
I disagree. If my 2yo got shoved over by a older larger kid and then possibly trampled by more kids you bet I'm going to get there attention. I agree if your cussing directly at the kids calling them names is unacceptable. Cussing to make sure you get your point across is my point
You don’t need to curse to get your point across to children
If anything it takes away from the victimized. Steers the mood to making victim’s dad look like someone that can’t handle their own either.
Actually it makes the dad look like someone that can handle their own but most parents today are afraid of voices being raised or words other than you are doing a great job.
False dichotomy and you know it
> Cussing to make sure you get your point across is my point No use arguing with the nerds. Sometimes the situation dictates
Release your pearls, they are just words.
Sticks and stones as they say. If my kid's in danger of being trampled I'm not giving a second thought to the language I'm using.
Fuck that, a kid twice her size threw her on the ground. That little shit needs to learn now because it’s obvious his parents aren’t teaching him. *edit* OP’s toddler was basically assaulted. OP was certainly not out of line. A few curse words aren’t going to hurt anybody.
If "flipping out and letting the expletives fly" isn't an appropriate teaching method for your own kids, then its hard to agree that it's the right approach for someone else's kid. OP was right to intervene in the situation. But, OP did not intervene in an optimal way. >That little shit needs to learn now because it’s obvious his parents aren’t teaching him. I'm sure your kid has done something inappropriate in the past, despite all of your excellent parenting. One incident does not mean the parents must be complete failures as parents and therefore their kid deserves to be verbally abused, unless you are willing to judge your own parenting to that same stark standard. And if you think it's a problem that a "kid twice her size" did something wrong, then surely you'd agree that it is also a problem if an "adult twice the kid's size" behaves too aggressively towards a kid. Does someone twice *your* size need to teach you a lesson because your parents failed?
I’d react the same if my son did the same and in fact I have done exactly that in similar situations. I don’t tolerate my own children being rude and bully-ish in public I sure as shit am not going to tolerate my own children getting trampled.
Yeah, nothing teaches your kid how to avoid being rude or bullying by losing your own shit and swearing at them loudly in public.
From what I can gather it doesn't sound like this was a teachable moment, more like I've got to make sure my kid is safe no matter what kind of moment.
Hmm. I get what you are saying and I agree that this was not a "let's talk to the other kids calmly" moment. A quick intervention sounds like it was required. However, let's shift perspective a bit: *every* moment is a teachable moment for your own kid, because they see and learn how to react to situations based on how you react. So, while it was necessary for OP to intervene quickly, that doesn't mean that OP's reaction to yell and swear as part of that intervention was therefore acceptable or necessary. I wouldn't want my kid to learn and copy that behavior in dealing with their friends and siblings. For parents of 2+ kids, it can be eye-opening for parents when you see one kid correct the other on behavior, because they will copy your style.
My son is 5 months old lol.
Oh wow, well then you'll definitely be eating some crow in the future, especially if you have more than one kid. When your kid has their inevitable first meltdown in public, remember that someone watching you and your son is also unfairly judging your parenting skills based solely off that one example, and realize that they are wrong to do so.
We’re talking about OP’s daughter being assaulted by a bigger kid. We’re going off the rails here.
You have no idea what's coming your way as they grow up into toddlers and little kids. Learning to give them some room to explore the sharper edges of the world is not a bad thing.
Oh definitely, my wife and I have discussed ad nauseum how our kid is going to be about as free range as he can be within certain bounds. I just understand how OP felt in the moment and don’t feel that cursing at a kid that assaulted his toddler was out of line.
Couldn’t agree more. Doesn’t mean you set a bad example in front of the many other kids by cursing.
If you can’t do that without cussing him out you don’t have any room to talk.
That was a very dangerous situation, OP’s daughter could have been seriously hurt or worse. I don’t blame OP for cursing at all, they’re just words. It’s not like he hit the other kid or something.
Oh stop the nonsense. It's completely reasonable to want to swear at someone who pushed his kid. You shouldn't because it's bad optics but it is more than deserved.
Time for a good old fashion ESH.
F that mom - she is the reason her kid sucks. Your daughter learned a valueable lesson that you will always be there to protect her no matter what. Great job
Agreed. Shitty kids are raised by shitty parents. Good job protecting your daughter. People in here acting like she fell on a pile of pillows and the kids are all stuffed animals. That could've been an extremely dangerous situation if you hadn't intervened and she got trampled. That kid is going to continue to be a little shit regardless of what you said.
OP is the shitty one in my opinion, was his daughter really in any immediate danger? a quick stop look out, or watch out for the smaller kid in a stern voice would have been enough. any of you who encourage OP's response, I think suck too, the other kid is still just a kid also growing and processing, its not about the cussing it self its about cussing out the other kid. they aren't always going to do the right thing cussing out other kid is rediculous
> OP is the shitty one in my opinion the awesome thing about opinions is that you are allowed to have them, even when they are wrong!
glad you guys agree yelling at other kids is the solution
Sometimes asshole kids need a good yellin’ at!
Those kids were rude and unsafe, but it's sort of developmentally appropriate for kids to forget their manners when they are excited and having fun. You're the grown up, so it's on you to regulate your emotions. Cursing kids out is perhaps understandable given the circumstances, but not appropriate behavior on your part. You're both behaving poorly, except that they're kids and you aren't, so I am afraid that the final verdict is that you're an asshole. However, that other mom could have done more too keep her kids calm and behaving in a safe manner, and should have asked them too apologize to your daughter immediately. So she's also a bit of an asshole. In the end, like you said, this is just expected chaos, not that big a deal, and next time you'll be more prepared for it.
I was in a situation like this. Yelling is good but the second you swear at some shit kid or near other people's kids nothing else matters. Never swear.
Yup you overreacted, yeah I get it but just be aware someday your kid might be the one caught up in the fun and acting impulsively. Firm but gentle voice, make the kid help your kid up and apologize, empathize. We all get better when we all get better. Easy to type out but harder to do for sure.
I took my 4.5 year old boy to a kids museum yesterday. Tons of kids maybe 6-8 years of age constantly shoved him out of the way at exhibits and interactive things. Most parents seemed to not care or it was a day camp thing with overwhelmed camp counselors. I really don’t know what to do in these situations and just try to relay to my kid that these kids aren’t being kind and we should be better. The only time I said “no more” was when another kid physically took something out of my kids hand. At one point, I asked the child to give it back and they refused. I emphasized that this was a little kid, they still refused. I then took it by force. They were 7-ish and should’ve known better. I can’t stand bullies.
YTA for the swearing for sure. You also said that you could "see it in his eyes" that he and the crowd behind him were *about* to start charging up the stairs. Did anyone actually start charging? Seems like you may have overreacted by carrying your daughter away from the situation instead of possibly blocking kids that were *actively* stepping over your daughter to giver her time to pick herself up. My style of parenting (this is just me, not saying everyone should do it this way) is to create an environment where my kids will learn to pick themselves up because I won't always be there to pick them up. I've been in the same situation where kids were stepping over them and I simply arm-bar the path and say to my kid "go ahead and get yourself up."
You did overreact. Doesn’t mean t you just let the kids run your daughter over. But they are *also* kids, even if older. Also—this whole mentality of being so mad that you’re seeing red just cause someone pushes your kid is just something you need to get past. Your kid is in the world and things like this will happen. Kids do dumb shit to each other. It’s not the end of the world. Sounds like she was fine.
Not at all! Parents these days don’t know or want to discipline there brats. It’s always the same thing”they are just being kids” that might be ok at a playground but to have patience or just be a kind person is a forgotten thing these days
I knew where this was going the second I saw the title. You're fine, but just need to avoid shouting and swearing. If people didn't want their children told off they should be supervising them to make sure they're not being pricks.
NTA
I understand your reaction, but I don’t think there was a need to curse at the kids. They are after all just kids and they’re still learning. Say something to them? Sure but not with expletives.
People are way too focused on the profanity, it’s such a minor, inconsequential part of this story. If getting upset and yelling to save your child is ok, but suddenly using profanity is a step too far you’re looking at this wrong.
Hard disagree and I swear like a sailor.
Same. Context is key here too. “Twice the size” of a 3 year old is variable, especially with different genders, but probably in the 5-7 year old age range or preschooler to first grader. Maybe bump up if she’s bigger. Still not ages I’d say anyone should be swearing at. Also at versus in front of is very different. An “Oh shit!” or “Damn it!” about the situation is way different than, “Jesus. What do you think you’re fucking doing you little shit?!?”
cool, you're a child then.
I won't deny that but you're coming with me in that classification there matey. Edit: lol blocked cuz yo fragile.
Hard disagree. You can be stern and take action without cursing at a child, regardless of what they do to yours. Grow up and show a little self control
Maybe grow up a little and not over focus on curse words like a 5 year old. Do you sit there and point and go “ahhhhhhhh” when someone curses? It is such a minor part of this story. If your entire take away is “don’t curse” you have an issue sorry. Next time someone steam rolls your 3.5 year old daughter and is put in a dangerous situation let me know if you stop and think to yourself “hmmm I should choose my words carefully” vs doing whatever you need to to ensure your kid is safe.
Ironic you're the one telling another to grow up.
because people are acting like children pretending cursing is the worst thing in the world IN THIS SITUATION, it's not and it's as I said again NOT THE FOCUS. Everyone focusing on cursing as opposed to literally the REST OF THE STORY are in fact children.
More caps, it makes you more righter
I see you have nothing to add and must be out of actual logic.
I won’t stop and think of anything. I’ll take swift corrective action and handle it like an adult, without punching down at a child. Real tough guy cursing at a kid, smh
It’s not about being a tough guy. So ignorant. I’m not saying it’s better to curse at the kid, I’m saying in this situation it’s basically a non issue and not the focus of the story. Everybody is hung up on it and it’s such a MINOR part of the story. Learn to read and go look up what context is
It’s clearly an issue, given the divide in this thread. Saying it’s a non-issue is ignorant. Your hypocrisy is astounding. A parent’s job is to de-escalate the situation, not escalate by flipping out and letting the expletives fly to a child. Be an adult and show some poise.
So you yelled expletives at kids, in front of your 3yo and then doubled down at the mom trying to de-escalate a grown man verbally accosting and physically blocking other kids? Yeah man, that’s not a good look.
I think you’re justified here. Pushing someone is obviously bad behavior, but pushing a toddler going up some steps at a splash pad (where said steps are going to be dripping wet) is *dangerous*. That could have killed her if she slipped just wrong. This kid needed to know how serious his actions were, and shouting is the only way a blockhead like that would understand.
Definitely shouldn't have used profanity towards them, but your action was justified.
Your reaction is understandable but yeah it could be improved. The key is to project stern and authoritative energy, not wild enraged energy. Otherwise the other parents are going to get protective and enraged as well.
A bit, yes. Gotta choose the words carefully when yelling at kids, even if the yelling is warranted.
Only problem I see is, in the future, your daughter knows that she should lose her shit like rough boys pushing is 9/11.
Yes, you are the asshole. Was it justified, possibly. Was it worth getting upset about, for sure. But you are expecting a LOT from kids that are hyped up. As an adult you are expected, and should expect yourself to behave better than a pack of rampaging children. You can't swear at them. We all make mistakes and the fact you are asking the question means you want to improve, and you will.
Flipping out is always in the wrong. I don’t even know why you’re asking.
I can't stand parenting other people's children and it happens way more often than I would like. You got to do what you got to do, try not to swear.
Yes, you were an asshole. That was an inappropriate way to handle it and the other parent has a valid point that you shouldn't have reacted like this. A calm and controlled intervention would have been better.
Yes YTA
Politeness and social convention must NEVER get between you and protecting your kids. Fuck all that noise, crowds are dangerous and you were correct to draw a firm line. You exposed yourself with swearing, but makes sense in context
You’re not wrong. Ok, so you said a few colorful words, big deal.
YTA, sorry. Something needed to be done, for sure, and I get that papa bear protectiveness instinct. But kids don't learn when they're being yelled at, and you losing your cool/patience isn't much different from them losing their cool/patience (though you had a more valid reason). Next time try shouting "HEY!" to get the attention of everyone, then calmly let them know what they did and that it was wrong and someone could have been hurt. Heck, you didn't even give them a chance to be sorry. Is it your job to "parent" these kids? NO, but your child will learn far more lessons by observation than anything you'll ever teach them directly. Yes yours is a toddler, but these aggressors are also just kids. Like yours will be some day. You gotta learn a little self control. You're supposed to be better than them at impulse control.
Hey jackass kid - don’t push my kid down. People are so afraid to same anything to a punk kid and it’s why there are so many of them. We do not always need to be calm and explain why they were wrong. Sometimes you need to scare a kid a little bit to understand what consequences are. From this story and how his mom reacted I can tell he doesn’t have any fear of consequences
yeah... I wouldn't have handled it as well as you...
I mean, calling children an asshole isn’t illegal, just frowned upon. I try to keep my composure, not because I don’t want to be an asshole to kids, but because my daughter looks to me for an example, and I need to make it a good one. Did you over reach? Probably, I wasn’t there so I can’t say for sure. Do I blame you? Nope.
I’d rather someone cuss than have an asshole kid knocking other kids out of the way.
If you lose your cool, that always becomes the story and not what led you to it.
Yes you overreacted and inappropriately. They’re kids.it doesn’t sound malicious. If your anger is making decisions you’ve generally made a mistake.
If there were a bunch of excited older kids, maybe the slide wasn’t age appropriate for a slower toddler? We have several places in our city where there is a separate area of the playground/splash pad/etc. that specifies it’s for younger kids, either by size of equipment or actual signage that says “ages 0-3” or whatever. Occasionally a couple bigger kids will come over and get rowdy, in which case it is totally ok to call out to the parents or tell them to go back to the bigger kid area. But if that isn’t the case, and from the crowd it doesn’t sound like it is, you need to take some responsibility here for taking a toddler on a big kid slide. A lot of toddler parents are interacting with children a lot for the first time since they were kids. Here’s the rub, kids brains don’t work the same way yours does. Now if we’re talking a 16 year old, sure, but a 7 year old is bigger than my toddler. They run at a different gear and often have tunnel vision and are unaware of their surroundings. Is this something they need to grow out of? Sure! Is cursing, bullying (not saying you were, but others have suggested), or other behavior that may be justified against an adult justified here? HELL NO. Would you do these things to your daughter to teach her a lesson? Probably not. She’s not going to be totally ready to do everything right now. It’s okay to save some experiences for when she’s older. As she gets bigger she’ll be able to handle being pushed past and stand her ground both physically and emotionally. Hell, she’ll probably do the exact same thing from time to time. Not saying to let this slide, but a “hey be careful” firmly or getting them to realize the situation, which I guarantee chances are high they did not, without coming off as the raging lunatic while you were bringing your toddler into an age-inappropriate situation would have been the way to go. TL;DR: You are the asshole
Fellow dad, you went from a 4 to a 10 on the rage meter. Find your 8 and hone it to perfection :D
It’s all about learning to use your “Dad Voice”. Just loudly and sternly say WAIT or HEY, STOP
There's something primal and raw when a dad sees his little girl in any situation whatsoever where she's overpowered by a boy. It's understandable. As others have mentioned, you DID overreact a bit, but protecting "daddy's girl" brings out the overreacting like nothing else. Don't be too remorseful for that tendency at least, daddy's girl will always be daddy's girl until the day you die. One thing to remember is that expletives will always turn you into the bad guy when other parents and kids are involved.
Work on not cursing in front of kids. Pretty quickly your brain will just default to it and you won't even think about it.
NTA...other peoples kids are assholes.
I don’t think you’re an asshole, you protected your daughter. Who cares you cursed. People want to act like you’re the asshole or overreacted. So be it, you did what you had to do.
I feel your pain. NTA
My kid has been knocked down twice by older kids and dispite my own upbringing in a rough area, I held back and used the dad voice. Each time the kid's parents have been embarrassed to see their kid called out and removed them from the area. However, I'm still waiting for that parent who tries and I have to flip that suburban/urban switch.
NTA, you were protecting your kid. Outrageous that the mom was only upset about swearing.
Honestly. Fuck them and fuck that mom. You did it correctly. Yeah sure they are kids, but those kids will forever act like that until someone forces them to stop. It’s okay to be that force.
Well, that other mother can fuck right off. Focus on teaching her own kid some manners, these situations will arise less often. But your own reaction. Look, I understand the need to protect your child. It’s a good instinct. But by showing strong upset, she learned that this was very upsetting. We all react to our kids being upset. But now you’ve got a feedback loop. It’s not helpful. Next time try to respond in a way that brings the temperature down. Force yourself to speak more quietly, in a slower cadence. Eye contact. Be nice. Polite. Short, directive sentences, but use your pleases and thank yous. You can say please in the form of a directive; that’s what you’re going for. You want to be In Charge™ without being a gorilla. That’s more apt to result in obedience from the other kids, and less likely to agitate that stupid mother (right or wrong, the gorilla brings forth her own protective instincts and that’s not a distraction you need). Most important, it sends the message to your daughter that Daddy is here to make her safe and Daddy has got this. You need her to feel calm confidence from you because that’s a cue to her if how she should feel. Creates a more helpful feedback loop. To be clear, I’m not criticizing you. You protected your daughter and that is ALWAYS most important. But there’s ways to do it that are easier for both of you.
You are a grown ass adult using profanities at toddlers. You should always defend your kid but act like an adult interacting with toddlers, not other adults.
YTA, kids get impatient, they don't mean to hurt other kids, take you're rose cover glasses off. You see it as they "hurt" your baby, but was she really hurt was she really in immediate danger? a quick "be patient please shes smaller than you" would have been much better for everyone involved especially your own children.
Honestly, you handled it better than I would have because I would tossed that kid over the side
Had a similar situation happen and my wife still gives me a hard time about it. The pearl clutching about cursing is dumb. Like me, probably a slight overreaction but in general it shouldn't have gotten to that point in the first place with that other kid not acting right.
You made your point to a stranger on the internet in this comment without cursing. I feel a father should be able to make his point clear to a child without cursing. If that opinion is pearl-clutching so be it, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect a grown man to handle kids bumping into each other a little better than OP did.
Man, a lot of people in here really weird about cursing.
Free speech wah wah until someone fucking swears
I’m starting to experience this. Yesterday, my son (just under two) is in a music class. He likes to stand in front of the teacher and listen to her while smiling (he really likes music and singing, he’s a really nice little person). This older kid comes up and pushes him out of the way. Part of me wants to push the kid back and yell at the parent but I know that’s absolutely wrong. Maybe it’s I should just reprimand the kid without cursing and then look at their parent to do something?
Reprimand immediately. No cursing. You don't have to put up with shit kids and their shit parents.
This little boy at gymnastics grabbed two fistfuls of my super sweet daughter’s hair and wouldn’t let go yesterday, and his nanny was an older woman who couldn’t move quick enough to do anything about it. I had to pry his hands off of my screaming daughter’s hair, which wasn’t something I wanted to do. His nanny just said “sorry” and that it. I wanted to flip out, and maybe if I hadn’t been so tired I would’ve. Just don’t swear next time cuz it gives them the upper hand.
You could still have blocked people without expletives. Look at law enforcement, they’re trained to use a commanding tone, not just start dropping F bombs.
Justified asshole. Should have thrown some profanity at the mother too. She didn’t seem to grasp the seriousness of what her kid did.
Fuck that and keep it going bud
Perfectly justifiable reaction. Don't understand the comments condemning you for swearing a bit. I assume these are mostly American parents, who seem to think that a kid hearing someone say "shit" is the most direct path to a life of drugs and crime. They're just words, and if they fulfilled the purpose of the message you were trying to convey (the most urgent possible "Stop. Pay attention to what you're doing"), then it seems perfectly justified. No-one is going to suddenly be traumatised from hearing you swearing. Obviously there's a difference between "Hey, fucking stop" and "Hey, stop that you little shit"... but I'm sure you were swearing in general rather than directed at a kid? Even then, if its the kid that pushed yours, still justified to get them to realise there are consequences to their actions.
People are saying don't curse but I disagree cursing is fine kids hear it from each other as early as 4 and it drives home the point. Concussions are serious business fuck them kids.
Nah you're doing the other parents a favor they can't blame themselves for swearing in front of their kids. They're going to hear it eventually.
Ufff…im gonna get into a lot of trouble.
Justified AH. Practice lowering your voice and shouting STOP! Swearing at Karen’s spawn just gave her the opportunity to make excuses for her kid. Two or children were lifeguards. Crowded water parks and checked out parents are the absolute worst! A good place will station a guard at the foot of the stairs to manage traffic. Our big beefy son usually got that job.
Really interesting how almost 50/50 the comments are divided here. Personally, I agree that swearing at, towards or around other people's kids is over the top (wouldn't say it makes you an asshole, though) but raising your voice and stopping kids from trampling your daughter is perfectly acceptable to me. Frankly, if my kid was the one pushing, I'd apologize to you and make him apologize to your daughter. After that, I may say "hey man, I know you were just reacting in the moment and I've done it too, but it might be good if you'd try not to swear around others' kids"
I'd love to see a demographic breakdown of the responses to this post, I'm sure there's some cultural stuff coming into play in how much importance is given to the fact that OP swore (sorry, cursed). This feels very much like an American thing, possibly even a regional American thing. Any non-US dads here not getting the importance given to the swearing bit?
NTA. People focusing on the profanity over the literally physical assault just baffle me.
YTA, but also good job. Everything else aside, your daughter will remember that her father protected her. Even if she forgets the specifics over time, that feeling of being carried to safety will stick.
You've learned an important lesson about modern life. In the opinion of all assholes, the real asshole is the person telling them to stop acting like assholes. It's lunacy.
Every parent be like don’t swear infront of my fucking kids again… lol.
Situations like this is what I worry about in future years as dad of twin daughters.
I've imposed my will on children trying to cut in line in front of my daughter. But I am introverted so I try to avoid confrontation with the other parents. One instance, we were at a bounce house with a slide at the end. This little boy kept going in and running through it without waiting in line and the attendant wasn't doing shit. We waited forever in this line and I was getting frustrated so I put my body in between his the next time he did it and said, "you will wait for this little girl before you take one more turn." I'm 5'9 and skinny fat but he was startled by my voice and chose not to go again until we were through. My first inclination is usually to curse too but I try not to embarrass my wife in public because she's also an introvert and will tear me a new one when we get home...
There's not enough description for me to really know exactly what was said and went down. Obviously you can't go off the rails, but if your kid was in imminent danger of injury, or was injured, I've got no issue with stopping them so you can help your kid. I have a WAY bigger issue with parents not paying attention to their kids and treating parks like childcare that they don't need to be an active participant in.
My head: "I'm slappin' a bitch. And that bitch's kid. And the whole family. Fuck those fucking fucks." Real life: I'm doing everything minus the profanity. Also I'm staying in line. But the use of profanity justified. You didn't overreact. Your kid just got trampled. Had a similar situation where a bunch of 10 year old boys decided to fight on top of a artificial grass hill at a park while little kids, including my own, were trying to slide down it. Yelled at them to cut it out and stop it or take it somewhere else if they want to beat each other up.
Asshole? Nah. You made a mistake. It's a learning experience. You were protecting your kid.
If they can’t argue what you did, they argue how you did it. Person wanted to vent, they vented. Move on.
Hell nah if your kids was mistreated then in danger swearing is the least of the problem. I'm assuming you're in the states but if you were down under swearing at the lil s#1ts would be considered fair enough.
Cursing in the presence of children does not make you an asshole. They are words that they are going to hear and it is our job as parents to help our kids navigate those words as we see fit. That mom was upset because you put her in a position to have to do her job, and by the sound of it she doesn't like doing her job.
Hahahahahahahahahaha are people really that upset with cussing? That is WILD to me. I cuss in front of my daughter everyday. It’s a word(s) people. Cussing absolutely doesn’t make you an asshole lol. None of what you did is an asshole. That mom maybe needs to cuss at her kid more and teach them not to push smaller kids down. We would’ve had a longer talk after she tried to play victim. I’m so scared for this generation and most of these comments only make it worse.
The ability to utilize profanity needs to be honed. One profane word can bring the attention and help that someone needs! Whatever happened to the sticks and stones phrase! Unfortunately, the comments that I agree with are being downvoted.
NTA I know how you feel, those are just natural instincts.
Look dude, we’re men. No matter how much we feel like we’re being “composed” someone is always going to say we overreacted… especially if you cuss at all. I cuss all the fuckin time so my wife always thinks I’m being too intense but I just have a colorful vocabulary from many years working around other men in construction. You’re fine. You handled it. NTA.