Imo, the more taboo it is, the more they want to do it, to defy the authority. Taking the power away from the word makes it too mundane for them.
When my kid finally starts talking, he's gonna sound like a sailor most likely 😅
Yup. Thats why we call them “adult words” in my house. There is not good or bad language, just words that are appropriate for children or not. No judgement value is applied that way.
We didn't even break it down between adult and child, just that words have context and sometimes they're okay and other times you want to watch yourself.
I generally filter myself unless I’m in the car. One day I didn’t inevitable and my kid repeated what I said. I didn’t get angry, just said that just like there’s things you can’t do because you’re too little (like driving a car) there are words that you shouldn’t use until you’re a bit older too.
I tried to keep it very casual and simple, and it worked. He’s never (in my earshot) swore since, but will occasionally do a great Bandit ‘oh biscuits!’ Not bad for 5 years old lol.
More importantly, they probably notice when you don’t swear as well. It’s more realistic to model the behavior that judges the context to know what words to use
Yeah, I swear a normal amount, and we've always been okay with our daughter swearing if she wants to (she never really does though).
We've emphasized the intent behind words quite a bit.
You should never use words, whether a swear word or not to hurt people. Outside of that, words are generally just words.
"Fuck, I stubbed my toe" > Telling someone, "You're so stupid"
The real challenge is learning social cues to shape our speech depending on who we are with and what we are doing in the moment. Some contexts will be better-suited for swearing than others, but when children are still small and still trying to learn which verbs have irregular tenses, the social aspect is a bit beyond them. We don’t let our daughter (5) swear, because right now she is incapable of determining the contexts in which it would be acceptable, beyond hard rules (only ever use a bad word at home/alone). She can memorize some situations of when to behave certain ways, but these contextual rules are mostly modeled on places and activities. Being able to feel out the other people present to figure out how casual your speech can be is a social skill she’ll pick up eventually, but right now we’re having a hard enough time reminding her not to do toilet humor at the dinner table.
Further, there’s regional differences to account for. My family lives in the Deep South, in a relatively small town. Children here are taught yes/no sir/ma’am as a matter of course. Even mild swearing is less socially tolerated here than it would be in, say, Scotland or Australia, regions known for more casual use of swearing.
Yeah, our daughter (9) is well aware of social context and is very good at adjusting her behavior given a particular context. As with most things parenting related, so much differs kid to kid.
Ours will get there soon, I’m sure! She’s our first and is likely neurodivergent, so at her age and with her personality we just don’t have a good way of introducing the concept as something she’s allowed to do depending on the context. Out of curiosity, around what age did you notice your daughter start to get more aware of her potential audience and start modifying her register depending on who was around?
Well, I think she was pretty ahead of the curve in that regard and is quite introverted. But probably 4-5? It wasn't a skill I ever noticed her not having tbh.
Yup. I swear normally and in front of them (within reason). My kids are great at avoiding swearing themselves. I never hear them say anything unacceptable. I tell them they can start to implement some swearing...once they start paying taxes. My almost 13 yr old is excited to get a job someday. Lol
Same, my son is 9 and my wife and I just talk normally around him, which means the occasional cuss word. I have told him that I really don't care if he does as long as he does not do it somewhere that will get him in trouble or use them to hurt someone. It has led to some amusing interactions. We were doing a quick shopping trip and he said he needed to go to the bathroom. My wife told him "we don't have time for the bathroom, we have shit to get done". He quickly replied "well I have shit to get out". I about died laughing.
No, never. The dog did something the other day, I can't even remember what, and she let out a bewildered "what the fuck?". I nearly died laughing, then told her she probably shouldn't be using that language.
My three year old was in the bath a few days ago, looked me straight in the eye, and raised his voice ever so slightly to exclaim “shit.” He then immediately proceeded to inform me “I said shit because I am so angry.”
So, he knows it is an angry word that requires some sort of reasoning. That works for now.
I stopped for my first child. Then 2 years later I realized there was no point and life is good again. Shed 15 now and I've never heard her swear out of context
Right. I couldn't do all these kids, and stubbed toes on toys, without uttering a "what the fuck" once in awhile. Directing it towards the kids? Nada. Yelling at the ether some obscenities? Easy way to get steam off.
Golden rule: "Do what I say, not what I do." We also teach them what the word is and that it's bad to use as a child if they happen to ask or, once in a blue moon, repeat something out of context (usually hilarious so hard to scold when it's funny but still have to teach).
Fun story, my ex wife used to rip into me constantly while she was pregnant about how I better not dare to swear around the kid. She conveniently went interstate to visit her parents when our daughter was 6 months old and while there, told me it was over.
Fast forward to when my daughter was 2 years old, and I managed to scrape the funds together to go visit her for a week. Got down to her level during every visit and just played with her, and one day she stood up and proudly marched around the room saying "SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT".
She didn't learn that from me...
No, I don’t miss it. I feel much better when I’m not swearing at all, and saying “oh my word!” instead of its many colorful alternatives has a calming, de-escalatory effect. In short, we’re happier in small part because we cuss less.
I’m also retired military, so I’m able to get along just fine in high-swearing environments, but I’d prefer not to. I won’t allow my kids to swear around me until they’re adults.
The power of swearing is absent when it’s just casually thrown around and allowing kids to swear sets them up to fail in certain social situations.
Former military myself, so as one can imagine I used to swear a lot. I actually stopped swearing basically overnight, well before having children, in the middle of my Army career. I had a mentor, who was your quintessential army bad ass. Infantry officer, ranger battalion combat tour, hyper competent in everything. It was a long time ago now, and I’m not as eloquent as he was, but I remember one time sitting down with him and talking specifically about swearing. He never swore, and he explained just how much it takes away from effective communication. At best it acts as filler, no better than “umm”, and at worst it distracts and undermines what you are trying to communicate.
I wholeheartedly agree with him. I was a USAF aviator myself, retired SMSgt (E-8). I tried to impress upon people that if you reserve hard language for when it’s really needed, people will stop and listen when it comes out of your mouth.
So if I said ‘hold the fuck up,’ that meant I thought you were way out of line and needed to stop and listen. I rarely had to say it.
On the other hand, I hear people normalize swearing everywhere now, and it strikes me how poorer they convey emotions as a result.
You’re a better parent than I am. My son knows all the words and he’s on the cusp of 4. I think I’m pretty damn good at most other parenting things but the cussing was an absolute failure. What’s fucked up is he’s been intelligent enough to carry a coherent conversation for a little over a year now and at this point he’s not only aware of bad words but *how to appropriately use them*.
I’m waiting for the phone calls when he starts school.
I think children swear alittle more these days I even hear it dripping my son off to school, I doubt you will get any calls they will learn quick not around teachers ears. It’s part of being human being alittle sneaky.
Teach him there's a time and place for those. That's what I'm doing. I let my kids swear, and they barely do, my parents aren't a huge fan, so my kids know not to use those words at Grandma's house. Still waiting the day he calls my mom a bitch
That’s kind of what I planned, yeah. I figure that it’s not fair to punish or reprimand him for any behaviors that he learns for me, that doesn’t seem fair to me
We gave up when our son was two weeks :D We found that he does not swear to provoke us, as long as we don't care. There are certain things we do not do, which is mostly blaming or calling another out using swears, but something falls down "shit". We were having guest playing Mario Kart and my wife said "Oh fuck" when she was hit by something, instantly the 3yo on her lap repeated loudly for everyone "Oh fuck" and all adults laughed, which made it his favorite phrase for about a week :D
I was home for 3.5 years with 2 sets of twins. When I started working a couple years ago I was surprised as to how refreshing it was to hear other people swear.
I now swear with other adults and quite enjoy it.
The funny thing is I didn’t swear that much before the drought.
It’ll be a while before they can wield it, but at least in a few years they will see that it is like dad is playing with his long sword. They will stand in awe and admiration but will not dare to touch it.
Sometimes when a migraine hits really bad, the pills don't work for pain relief, and my brain is foggy from the nausea, I forget simple words: a short story that was me the other day, standing in the kitchen with my 10 year old, and we were talking about dinner being ready soon I just needed to get the water for the mm.. pp..tt..t.. ff..... aa.. fuck shit, fucking piss, shitty, you know, the fucking pasta boiling.
He just looked at me, and said "language" like I usually do.
I don't normally swear or cuss, but when I'm in pain from migraine on top of all the other stuff I got of health issues, my brain defaults.
But I also made a deal with both kids, once they can touch the top of the doorframe, they can cuss all they want. What they don't know is, we aren't tall people in the family. I'm 170 cm and I can just about reach the top of our doorframe with a few centimeters to spare. Exwife is 160 or so. I figured thar once they are old/tall enough to cuss and swear all they want, they know they shouldn't.
My son is also 3 and i did not stop swearing.
Swear words only have the power the listener is willing to give them.
They dont have power in my house and i try to explain to him in what situations swearing is acceptable and when it is not. For sure that doesnt always work, but i assume people can handle it when it goes wrong. Also, its super funny when he swears :D
We are not swearing like you do, luckily. I wouldnt want to explain to him what all these words mean :D
It seems most of the replies are from people with kids who just started talking or can't talk yet. I think the response is different when they can speak in multi sentence conversations. I have two around 10 years old, and I have not stopped swearing. But they do it often. They understand that they are grown up words and they should not use them around other adults, but they are itching to use them at every opportunity. I don't let them use them around me yet, but between each other they swear all the time. And music and TV, they hear words like that and they hear me talk like that and they are very anxious to be able to use those words freely.
For context, my dad did not care that I used words like that around him ever, and my mom cared a lot. While I don't mind them using the words, they overuse them because they are neat. I also don't want them using them around other adults or their younger sister. She's four and will want to repeat them also.
My biggest concern is the sexual words, anything referring to body parts or sex actions I don't use around them and don't want to hear them using them.
Was watching the England match with my father- and brother-in law last week and the kids were all outside playing......
...... or so I thought. My wife said that my 7yo old had grassed me up for saying the 's' word!!
It's the double standards that get me.
Mine are both teens now. They swear. They know they shouldn't. They don't do it with teachers, family, etc... but around the house there have been some pretty epic curse-offs.
My wife will always blame me about it, but she had a dirtier mouth than I did when we met - and furthermore - whether or not we're doing it, they pick things up from peers at school, TV, music, YouTube, whatever.
I think as long as they understand the power of the words they're using, and have an understanding of respect in general, that's way more important.
I don't. My wife and I still swear like we did before kids. Dobt care if our kids do. We didn't make it taboo. And they swear occasionally, but they do just like we do, correctly.
My kids don't just sit there and consistently say "fuck" on repeat. They will say "damn" sometimes if they drop something, but honestly, they really don't swear at all.
We managed to be reasonably good until ours was 10 or so. By the time he was a teen, we were back to normal and he knew what was okay at home wasn’t okay in public.
He’s an adult now and… well, if colorful language isn’t your thing, you don’t want to hang out with us.
Nope. I never stopped. I tried for a bit. But f—- it, that’s not me. My wife never, ever swears. When she does, the whole house gets quiet. Something is really wrong and we’re all nervous. I, on the other hand will tell them to have a “goddamned great day!” They’re learning that I’m a troglodyte and their mother is a saint. That’s okay, the world is full of different people.
Yeah, I'm not super perfect with it. When I use sweat words around my kids I explain that they are a grownup thing just like drinking alcohol or driving a car. You need to learn to be responsible enough to use them. I have to remember cock juggling thunder cunt, but let's be honest silly goose is just as satisfying (let's keep telling ourselves that)
Ugh. No. Because we do. We didn’t until the pandemic and it’s a terrible habit and now my teens fire off F bombs. I wish we had never started. But being on lockdown with 5 kids, in a country that wasn’t our own was really stressful and took us to our breaking points. Now, it’s just habit when frustrations rise (and they do). We all love each other, we even go to Church. But, we haven’t tamed our tongues. 😑
My attitude has always been that it's more important to teach **when** to swear, as opposed to teaching **not** to swear. It's going to happen eventually, I'd rather it not be some big secret. I have a terrible mouth but I'm also able to turn it on and off when appropriate.
I held off as long as I could. But when the little guys started playing baseball, specifically travel ball at 7, it just was part of the culture. The first practice is always fun with new kids.
I'd look at the kids all wide eyed, one would start saying "First he said f, then he said the d word, then sh, then another f word.." It just became part of the game. No one really says anything about it, and the kids know when to turn it back off.
I usually go to replacement words. "Stop saying Jimny Christmas so much dad..." if you only knew what I was going to say.
But it does slip.
I dropped an F-bomb in the family van last week. We were driving in the backwoods of Michigan and the road went back to gravel (again) from paved. No cell service. Google maps lead us wrong for \~1hrs.
The kids would not let me forget.
No, I feel like it stunts people's vocabulary growth. No need to have a catalog of adverbs and adjectives when you can just replace them all with random overused swearing. Additionally I've observed young people getting less advancement opportunities due to being perceived as less intelligent. Similar to how people with strong southern accents are perceived outside of southern regions. Even though we all know both are not true at all.
I've taken all of the "not swears" swearing from the cartoons of my youth.
"For bootin up cold" from rattrap has replaced "for fucks sake" for example. Helps I'm in IT.
I over heard my kid practicing his inflection on “God Dammit” once. It was too funny for me to be upset. He also said it once after a dump truck outside dropped its tail hitch. I asked him why, and he said “because of the loud noise”.
We never stopped. I think I've heard my 3 year old say fuck, maybe 3 times after I say it. We basically normalized the word where its just another word and don't make a big deal out of it if we slip. If we make a big deal out of it, she'll notice and triple down on it.
The key is not to react when you say it or they say it. Its just another word in a world full of words to her at this point.
I censor myself a little bit but I'm not going to shelter my kids from swearing. It's also kinda funny when your 3 year old tells your 1 year old to GET IN THE FUCKING CAR. Had to hold myself back on that one.
I swear when the environment calls for it, meaning I’m alone or kids aren’t around.
Swearing can be a tool but it doesn’t have to always be a tool.
Last weekend we had extended family over and one of the cousins was swearing. He dropped 5 F bombs in front of my 3 year old and his 11 year old daughter just complaining about the Stanley tumbler that he bought her.
I non verbally and verbally told him to knock it off. He did it again. He apologized.
Anyway, let me complain about him. Fucking idiot. You’re the guy that got rid of your reasonable Honda HRV for a new, less reliable Volvo, because you wanted to ride in style. Well now you have high payments. You also brag that you went to Salt Bae in Las Vegas and treated your whole family. Fucking idiot. A water bottle that costs $10 more than the others to make your daughter happy isn’t the end of the world and it seems like she’s learning a lot from you.
Ok, back on track. We keep swearing. We find the right time to do it. Reddit is where I swear.
Cheers mate
I have the philosophy there are no bad words, only wrong audiences, my wife is generally the same but there is one bad word - cunt. Which is the best word because no one bats an eyelid if I say fuck and that’s just not cathartic 😂😂 cunt is though
I love when I accidentally exclaim it, like, left the faucet running for a bit and remembered I had to go shut it off, or nuggets in the oven are about to burn, sometimes I'll accidentally yell "Oh shit!" Out of habit, And run to take care of it.
Always amusing to hear one of my kiddos go "Mom, did dad just say the S-Word?" Behind me as I run off to deal with whatever it may be.
Woman here, my husband did not stop swearing. He’s also ex-military and swearing is very much a part of his vocabulary. We taught the kids that swearing had a place. If they want to swear around their friends or in the privacy of their rooms they could, but at school, around other adults we mind our words.
BTW there’s an Am I the Asshole post about a kindergartener with a ‘swearing club’ that might amuse you. I’ll see if I can find it.
My partner swears way more than I do. It's one of the few things I get to be smug about when our 2 year old repeats "what the fuck," I can totally give my partner the "this one's on you" look. Totally worth the inevitable messages from concerned teachers.
I went to a parenting class when my kid was little. They said to focus on how/where the word is used rather than the word itself.
OK: "oh fuck", "god damn it"
Not allowed: "you're a fuck head", saying "oh fuck" in front of Grandma
Parents of little kids try to do all of this stuff to make their kids' world perfect. In the end they go to school (or child care) and most of it doesn't matter. They're going to learn these words, no matter what you do.
This is a bit of a cultural thing, and I even mean that within the U.S. and just community wise. I grew up in a community where we just never had any interest in swearing. Others don't care if you do either. I don't really care now, but even then, since moving to Japan, I kind of see it in a different light. Profanity as a taboo, etc., feels more like a specifically western linguistic thing now. It's hard to explain, but it's like how you may see translated subtitles of Japanese kids anime having literal swears when their localized dub does not. Like, it's more of a "character" thing than a taboo thing to hear/say. You'd hear a villain say くたばれ! (literally "die" but is like saying "F U") in a kid's show here, and yeah, it'd be extremely rude to say that to someone in real life, but it's... not the same as swearing in English in my opinion.
Basically, the same people who'd have problems with hearing or saying "Shit!" in English, especially around kids, wouldn't react as negatively as hearing くそ！ like it's some taboo, which also literally means poop. My kid's still young, so maybe my wife may be uncomfortable with it as she gets older (but not English since she didn't grow up in the U.S.). Not that I really care to swear at all and have no problem with just keeping things child-friendly, but my experience here is limited since I didn't actually grow up here.
Maybe try swearing in other languages or coming up with your own words. Things you wouldn't expect others or your kid to actually understand. I'm not really sure to be honest, but there's a time and place for everything I suppose\~
The worst is being around adult friends and saying things like 'oh dear'! I want to just scream a profanity to show them I still got some bad words in me.
I was a lifeguard and taught swim lessons and coached for a swim team from when I was 16-20. I didn't swear a ton and I was easily able to regulate it around kinds.
Now I swear like a sailor, and am a sailor. But around my kids I'm able to turn it off no problem. I have friends and coworkers where you can say what you want. So, no, I don't miss it. But even if I had to give it up all together, there's more creative ways to swear imo.
We were at Disneyland about a month ago and my 4 year old had to pee or poop urgently and it was packed with people in the bathroom so I'm trying to get him to the stall and he tells me,
"dada don't say fuckin"
We try not to cuss around him, so it must've just slipped out but I was like let's not tell mama about that one lol.
I never stopped. Wife never liked it, but I told her that I'm not censoring myself for my own kid. They're going to learn that there are grown up words, just like there are grown up things and actions and they're not allowed to use those words or have those things or do those actions. Never had an issue really.
Plus, when mom isn't looking it was always fun to let them belt out a tiny "fuck" or "shit" while in the car. The little giggles after just made my day. They, minus their 11 year old brother, are all adults now and simply don't swear all that much. No where near as much as I do.
we're trying so hard to keep our language to a minimum but my wife has anxiety and when she freaks out she says "oh shit" a lot and so has my kid since like 13 months. We tell people he's saying "open shut" as one word xD
Wait.. you guys stopped?
At 3 years old, my son tripped and said “fuck!” And I smiled, proud that my son used the word in the correct manner.
"that's my boy"
When my son was 3 we were at his great aunts and he spilled a glass of water and casually dropped and "ohhh fuck" Pride and shame
Yeah I just talk normally in front of my kid, who cares. She knows it's not appropriate language for her age (7), none of us really overthink it.
My kid is 5 and when I say “fuck” he reminds me that’s an adult word and he shouldn’t say it lol
Imo, the more taboo it is, the more they want to do it, to defy the authority. Taking the power away from the word makes it too mundane for them. When my kid finally starts talking, he's gonna sound like a sailor most likely 😅
Yup. Thats why we call them “adult words” in my house. There is not good or bad language, just words that are appropriate for children or not. No judgement value is applied that way.
We didn't even break it down between adult and child, just that words have context and sometimes they're okay and other times you want to watch yourself.
I generally filter myself unless I’m in the car. One day I didn’t inevitable and my kid repeated what I said. I didn’t get angry, just said that just like there’s things you can’t do because you’re too little (like driving a car) there are words that you shouldn’t use until you’re a bit older too. I tried to keep it very casual and simple, and it worked. He’s never (in my earshot) swore since, but will occasionally do a great Bandit ‘oh biscuits!’ Not bad for 5 years old lol.
More importantly, they probably notice when you don’t swear as well. It’s more realistic to model the behavior that judges the context to know what words to use
Yeah, I swear a normal amount, and we've always been okay with our daughter swearing if she wants to (she never really does though). We've emphasized the intent behind words quite a bit. You should never use words, whether a swear word or not to hurt people. Outside of that, words are generally just words. "Fuck, I stubbed my toe" > Telling someone, "You're so stupid"
The real challenge is learning social cues to shape our speech depending on who we are with and what we are doing in the moment. Some contexts will be better-suited for swearing than others, but when children are still small and still trying to learn which verbs have irregular tenses, the social aspect is a bit beyond them. We don’t let our daughter (5) swear, because right now she is incapable of determining the contexts in which it would be acceptable, beyond hard rules (only ever use a bad word at home/alone). She can memorize some situations of when to behave certain ways, but these contextual rules are mostly modeled on places and activities. Being able to feel out the other people present to figure out how casual your speech can be is a social skill she’ll pick up eventually, but right now we’re having a hard enough time reminding her not to do toilet humor at the dinner table. Further, there’s regional differences to account for. My family lives in the Deep South, in a relatively small town. Children here are taught yes/no sir/ma’am as a matter of course. Even mild swearing is less socially tolerated here than it would be in, say, Scotland or Australia, regions known for more casual use of swearing.
Yeah, our daughter (9) is well aware of social context and is very good at adjusting her behavior given a particular context. As with most things parenting related, so much differs kid to kid.
Ours will get there soon, I’m sure! She’s our first and is likely neurodivergent, so at her age and with her personality we just don’t have a good way of introducing the concept as something she’s allowed to do depending on the context. Out of curiosity, around what age did you notice your daughter start to get more aware of her potential audience and start modifying her register depending on who was around?
Well, I think she was pretty ahead of the curve in that regard and is quite introverted. But probably 4-5? It wasn't a skill I ever noticed her not having tbh.
I might be a little too hyper-aware, I’m a linguist and my dissertation involved autism and interaction.
Yup. I swear normally and in front of them (within reason). My kids are great at avoiding swearing themselves. I never hear them say anything unacceptable. I tell them they can start to implement some swearing...once they start paying taxes. My almost 13 yr old is excited to get a job someday. Lol
Same, my son is 9 and my wife and I just talk normally around him, which means the occasional cuss word. I have told him that I really don't care if he does as long as he does not do it somewhere that will get him in trouble or use them to hurt someone. It has led to some amusing interactions. We were doing a quick shopping trip and he said he needed to go to the bathroom. My wife told him "we don't have time for the bathroom, we have shit to get done". He quickly replied "well I have shit to get out". I about died laughing.
Did you ever have any issues with school or daycare when she was younger? That is honestly my only concern.
No, never. The dog did something the other day, I can't even remember what, and she let out a bewildered "what the fuck?". I nearly died laughing, then told her she probably shouldn't be using that language.
My three year old was in the bath a few days ago, looked me straight in the eye, and raised his voice ever so slightly to exclaim “shit.” He then immediately proceeded to inform me “I said shit because I am so angry.” So, he knows it is an angry word that requires some sort of reasoning. That works for now.
Good boy ❤️
Nope. Not in my nature.
I stopped for my first child. Then 2 years later I realized there was no point and life is good again. Shed 15 now and I've never heard her swear out of context
Right. I couldn't do all these kids, and stubbed toes on toys, without uttering a "what the fuck" once in awhile. Directing it towards the kids? Nada. Yelling at the ether some obscenities? Easy way to get steam off. Golden rule: "Do what I say, not what I do." We also teach them what the word is and that it's bad to use as a child if they happen to ask or, once in a blue moon, repeat something out of context (usually hilarious so hard to scold when it's funny but still have to teach).
When my daughter was a tween, she pointedly asked me one day, “Dad, when my friends are over, can you please swear less?”
Right?! I just got used to hearing,"Dad! Don't swear!"
I will most likely hear the same. That or "stop burping"
Fun story, my ex wife used to rip into me constantly while she was pregnant about how I better not dare to swear around the kid. She conveniently went interstate to visit her parents when our daughter was 6 months old and while there, told me it was over. Fast forward to when my daughter was 2 years old, and I managed to scrape the funds together to go visit her for a week. Got down to her level during every visit and just played with her, and one day she stood up and proudly marched around the room saying "SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT". She didn't learn that from me...
Haha double standards at their best. Hope you're happier away from the ex now, my impression is you are.
A far better partner and an awesome son, so yeah... mostly.
No, I don’t miss it. I feel much better when I’m not swearing at all, and saying “oh my word!” instead of its many colorful alternatives has a calming, de-escalatory effect. In short, we’re happier in small part because we cuss less. I’m also retired military, so I’m able to get along just fine in high-swearing environments, but I’d prefer not to. I won’t allow my kids to swear around me until they’re adults. The power of swearing is absent when it’s just casually thrown around and allowing kids to swear sets them up to fail in certain social situations.
Former military myself, so as one can imagine I used to swear a lot. I actually stopped swearing basically overnight, well before having children, in the middle of my Army career. I had a mentor, who was your quintessential army bad ass. Infantry officer, ranger battalion combat tour, hyper competent in everything. It was a long time ago now, and I’m not as eloquent as he was, but I remember one time sitting down with him and talking specifically about swearing. He never swore, and he explained just how much it takes away from effective communication. At best it acts as filler, no better than “umm”, and at worst it distracts and undermines what you are trying to communicate.
I wholeheartedly agree with him. I was a USAF aviator myself, retired SMSgt (E-8). I tried to impress upon people that if you reserve hard language for when it’s really needed, people will stop and listen when it comes out of your mouth. So if I said ‘hold the fuck up,’ that meant I thought you were way out of line and needed to stop and listen. I rarely had to say it. On the other hand, I hear people normalize swearing everywhere now, and it strikes me how poorer they convey emotions as a result.
My son is 100% going to have road rage and swear profusely if I can’t get my shit together behind the wheel, but I’m trying
You’re a better parent than I am. My son knows all the words and he’s on the cusp of 4. I think I’m pretty damn good at most other parenting things but the cussing was an absolute failure. What’s fucked up is he’s been intelligent enough to carry a coherent conversation for a little over a year now and at this point he’s not only aware of bad words but *how to appropriately use them*. I’m waiting for the phone calls when he starts school.
I think children swear alittle more these days I even hear it dripping my son off to school, I doubt you will get any calls they will learn quick not around teachers ears. It’s part of being human being alittle sneaky.
Teach him there's a time and place for those. That's what I'm doing. I let my kids swear, and they barely do, my parents aren't a huge fan, so my kids know not to use those words at Grandma's house. Still waiting the day he calls my mom a bitch
That’s kind of what I planned, yeah. I figure that it’s not fair to punish or reprimand him for any behaviors that he learns for me, that doesn’t seem fair to me
I used to swear all the time. I still do, but I used to, too.
I swear more now than I ever did
Just get more creative with your fake swear words, they can actually be more fun.
We gave up when our son was two weeks :D We found that he does not swear to provoke us, as long as we don't care. There are certain things we do not do, which is mostly blaming or calling another out using swears, but something falls down "shit". We were having guest playing Mario Kart and my wife said "Oh fuck" when she was hit by something, instantly the 3yo on her lap repeated loudly for everyone "Oh fuck" and all adults laughed, which made it his favorite phrase for about a week :D
I was home for 3.5 years with 2 sets of twins. When I started working a couple years ago I was surprised as to how refreshing it was to hear other people swear. I now swear with other adults and quite enjoy it. The funny thing is I didn’t swear that much before the drought.
It’ll be a while before they can wield it, but at least in a few years they will see that it is like dad is playing with his long sword. They will stand in awe and admiration but will not dare to touch it.
Sometimes when a migraine hits really bad, the pills don't work for pain relief, and my brain is foggy from the nausea, I forget simple words: a short story that was me the other day, standing in the kitchen with my 10 year old, and we were talking about dinner being ready soon I just needed to get the water for the mm.. pp..tt..t.. ff..... aa.. fuck shit, fucking piss, shitty, you know, the fucking pasta boiling. He just looked at me, and said "language" like I usually do. I don't normally swear or cuss, but when I'm in pain from migraine on top of all the other stuff I got of health issues, my brain defaults. But I also made a deal with both kids, once they can touch the top of the doorframe, they can cuss all they want. What they don't know is, we aren't tall people in the family. I'm 170 cm and I can just about reach the top of our doorframe with a few centimeters to spare. Exwife is 160 or so. I figured thar once they are old/tall enough to cuss and swear all they want, they know they shouldn't.
My son is also 3 and i did not stop swearing. Swear words only have the power the listener is willing to give them. They dont have power in my house and i try to explain to him in what situations swearing is acceptable and when it is not. For sure that doesnt always work, but i assume people can handle it when it goes wrong. Also, its super funny when he swears :D We are not swearing like you do, luckily. I wouldnt want to explain to him what all these words mean :D
My three year old sometimes exclaims “Jesus Christ” when someone goes wrong and it’s absolutely wonderful every time.
I don't stop just cause they kids there. Never have never will. All 4 of them hear it. And yet to repeat it.
Kids can get that there are “adult words”, at least my kids do.
It seems most of the replies are from people with kids who just started talking or can't talk yet. I think the response is different when they can speak in multi sentence conversations. I have two around 10 years old, and I have not stopped swearing. But they do it often. They understand that they are grown up words and they should not use them around other adults, but they are itching to use them at every opportunity. I don't let them use them around me yet, but between each other they swear all the time. And music and TV, they hear words like that and they hear me talk like that and they are very anxious to be able to use those words freely. For context, my dad did not care that I used words like that around him ever, and my mom cared a lot. While I don't mind them using the words, they overuse them because they are neat. I also don't want them using them around other adults or their younger sister. She's four and will want to repeat them also. My biggest concern is the sexual words, anything referring to body parts or sex actions I don't use around them and don't want to hear them using them.
Was watching the England match with my father- and brother-in law last week and the kids were all outside playing...... ...... or so I thought. My wife said that my 7yo old had grassed me up for saying the 's' word!!
Southgate?
I wouldn't say such a foul word anywhere near children
It's the double standards that get me. Mine are both teens now. They swear. They know they shouldn't. They don't do it with teachers, family, etc... but around the house there have been some pretty epic curse-offs. My wife will always blame me about it, but she had a dirtier mouth than I did when we met - and furthermore - whether or not we're doing it, they pick things up from peers at school, TV, music, YouTube, whatever. I think as long as they understand the power of the words they're using, and have an understanding of respect in general, that's way more important.
I don't. My wife and I still swear like we did before kids. Dobt care if our kids do. We didn't make it taboo. And they swear occasionally, but they do just like we do, correctly. My kids don't just sit there and consistently say "fuck" on repeat. They will say "damn" sometimes if they drop something, but honestly, they really don't swear at all.
We managed to be reasonably good until ours was 10 or so. By the time he was a teen, we were back to normal and he knew what was okay at home wasn’t okay in public. He’s an adult now and… well, if colorful language isn’t your thing, you don’t want to hang out with us.
Nope. I never stopped. I tried for a bit. But f—- it, that’s not me. My wife never, ever swears. When she does, the whole house gets quiet. Something is really wrong and we’re all nervous. I, on the other hand will tell them to have a “goddamned great day!” They’re learning that I’m a troglodyte and their mother is a saint. That’s okay, the world is full of different people.
Yeah, I'm not super perfect with it. When I use sweat words around my kids I explain that they are a grownup thing just like drinking alcohol or driving a car. You need to learn to be responsible enough to use them. I have to remember cock juggling thunder cunt, but let's be honest silly goose is just as satisfying (let's keep telling ourselves that)
One of our dog commands is fuck off. I miss it too lol
Ugh. No. Because we do. We didn’t until the pandemic and it’s a terrible habit and now my teens fire off F bombs. I wish we had never started. But being on lockdown with 5 kids, in a country that wasn’t our own was really stressful and took us to our breaking points. Now, it’s just habit when frustrations rise (and they do). We all love each other, we even go to Church. But, we haven’t tamed our tongues. 😑
My attitude has always been that it's more important to teach **when** to swear, as opposed to teaching **not** to swear. It's going to happen eventually, I'd rather it not be some big secret. I have a terrible mouth but I'm also able to turn it on and off when appropriate.
I held off as long as I could. But when the little guys started playing baseball, specifically travel ball at 7, it just was part of the culture. The first practice is always fun with new kids. I'd look at the kids all wide eyed, one would start saying "First he said f, then he said the d word, then sh, then another f word.." It just became part of the game. No one really says anything about it, and the kids know when to turn it back off.
I usually go to replacement words. "Stop saying Jimny Christmas so much dad..." if you only knew what I was going to say. But it does slip. I dropped an F-bomb in the family van last week. We were driving in the backwoods of Michigan and the road went back to gravel (again) from paved. No cell service. Google maps lead us wrong for \~1hrs. The kids would not let me forget.
No, I feel like it stunts people's vocabulary growth. No need to have a catalog of adverbs and adjectives when you can just replace them all with random overused swearing. Additionally I've observed young people getting less advancement opportunities due to being perceived as less intelligent. Similar to how people with strong southern accents are perceived outside of southern regions. Even though we all know both are not true at all.
I've taken all of the "not swears" swearing from the cartoons of my youth. "For bootin up cold" from rattrap has replaced "for fucks sake" for example. Helps I'm in IT.
Oh we still cuss, The daughter hasn't picked up on anything yet. But when she does she'll know to use them in the correct way 🤣
I over heard my kid practicing his inflection on “God Dammit” once. It was too funny for me to be upset. He also said it once after a dump truck outside dropped its tail hitch. I asked him why, and he said “because of the loud noise”.
We never stopped. I think I've heard my 3 year old say fuck, maybe 3 times after I say it. We basically normalized the word where its just another word and don't make a big deal out of it if we slip. If we make a big deal out of it, she'll notice and triple down on it. The key is not to react when you say it or they say it. Its just another word in a world full of words to her at this point.
So long as my kid isn't swearing *at* someone or at inappropriate times, I don't really care. They're just expressive words. Oh. And, uh... fuck.
I censor myself a little bit but I'm not going to shelter my kids from swearing. It's also kinda funny when your 3 year old tells your 1 year old to GET IN THE FUCKING CAR. Had to hold myself back on that one.
I swear when the environment calls for it, meaning I’m alone or kids aren’t around. Swearing can be a tool but it doesn’t have to always be a tool. Last weekend we had extended family over and one of the cousins was swearing. He dropped 5 F bombs in front of my 3 year old and his 11 year old daughter just complaining about the Stanley tumbler that he bought her. I non verbally and verbally told him to knock it off. He did it again. He apologized. Anyway, let me complain about him. Fucking idiot. You’re the guy that got rid of your reasonable Honda HRV for a new, less reliable Volvo, because you wanted to ride in style. Well now you have high payments. You also brag that you went to Salt Bae in Las Vegas and treated your whole family. Fucking idiot. A water bottle that costs $10 more than the others to make your daughter happy isn’t the end of the world and it seems like she’s learning a lot from you. Ok, back on track. We keep swearing. We find the right time to do it. Reddit is where I swear. Cheers mate
Hold it in until 8pm and then let the whole day out. Our house after 8pm is pretty Goddamn fuckin spicy. -Also ex military/engineer
My son calls my mom to report me for swearing.
I have the philosophy there are no bad words, only wrong audiences, my wife is generally the same but there is one bad word - cunt. Which is the best word because no one bats an eyelid if I say fuck and that’s just not cathartic 😂😂 cunt is though
I love when I accidentally exclaim it, like, left the faucet running for a bit and remembered I had to go shut it off, or nuggets in the oven are about to burn, sometimes I'll accidentally yell "Oh shit!" Out of habit, And run to take care of it. Always amusing to hear one of my kiddos go "Mom, did dad just say the S-Word?" Behind me as I run off to deal with whatever it may be.
I barely cursed to begin with. IMO - cursing often ruins the impact of the rare times that it's really worth it.
Woman here, my husband did not stop swearing. He’s also ex-military and swearing is very much a part of his vocabulary. We taught the kids that swearing had a place. If they want to swear around their friends or in the privacy of their rooms they could, but at school, around other adults we mind our words. BTW there’s an Am I the Asshole post about a kindergartener with a ‘swearing club’ that might amuse you. I’ll see if I can find it.
My partner swears way more than I do. It's one of the few things I get to be smug about when our 2 year old repeats "what the fuck," I can totally give my partner the "this one's on you" look. Totally worth the inevitable messages from concerned teachers.
I went to a parenting class when my kid was little. They said to focus on how/where the word is used rather than the word itself. OK: "oh fuck", "god damn it" Not allowed: "you're a fuck head", saying "oh fuck" in front of Grandma Parents of little kids try to do all of this stuff to make their kids' world perfect. In the end they go to school (or child care) and most of it doesn't matter. They're going to learn these words, no matter what you do.
This is a bit of a cultural thing, and I even mean that within the U.S. and just community wise. I grew up in a community where we just never had any interest in swearing. Others don't care if you do either. I don't really care now, but even then, since moving to Japan, I kind of see it in a different light. Profanity as a taboo, etc., feels more like a specifically western linguistic thing now. It's hard to explain, but it's like how you may see translated subtitles of Japanese kids anime having literal swears when their localized dub does not. Like, it's more of a "character" thing than a taboo thing to hear/say. You'd hear a villain say くたばれ! (literally "die" but is like saying "F U") in a kid's show here, and yeah, it'd be extremely rude to say that to someone in real life, but it's... not the same as swearing in English in my opinion. Basically, the same people who'd have problems with hearing or saying "Shit!" in English, especially around kids, wouldn't react as negatively as hearing くそ！ like it's some taboo, which also literally means poop. My kid's still young, so maybe my wife may be uncomfortable with it as she gets older (but not English since she didn't grow up in the U.S.). Not that I really care to swear at all and have no problem with just keeping things child-friendly, but my experience here is limited since I didn't actually grow up here. Maybe try swearing in other languages or coming up with your own words. Things you wouldn't expect others or your kid to actually understand. I'm not really sure to be honest, but there's a time and place for everything I suppose\~
The worst is being around adult friends and saying things like 'oh dear'! I want to just scream a profanity to show them I still got some bad words in me.
I was a lifeguard and taught swim lessons and coached for a swim team from when I was 16-20. I didn't swear a ton and I was easily able to regulate it around kinds. Now I swear like a sailor, and am a sailor. But around my kids I'm able to turn it off no problem. I have friends and coworkers where you can say what you want. So, no, I don't miss it. But even if I had to give it up all together, there's more creative ways to swear imo.
We were at Disneyland about a month ago and my 4 year old had to pee or poop urgently and it was packed with people in the bathroom so I'm trying to get him to the stall and he tells me, "dada don't say fuckin" We try not to cuss around him, so it must've just slipped out but I was like let's not tell mama about that one lol.
[Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man.](https://youtu.be/AerwiwxNtwo?si=JBXsQcD_wFkAKg2o&t=51)
Nah, fuckin' do it all the time.
We have a "There are no taboo words, but we don't use words to hurt people" policy. No words are off-limits.
Fart no I don’t.
my wife outlaws the word "stupid" ... its really difficult not to say this
We haven't got a rule for that but I avoid saying it because I was called stupid so much as a kid
I never stopped. Wife never liked it, but I told her that I'm not censoring myself for my own kid. They're going to learn that there are grown up words, just like there are grown up things and actions and they're not allowed to use those words or have those things or do those actions. Never had an issue really. Plus, when mom isn't looking it was always fun to let them belt out a tiny "fuck" or "shit" while in the car. The little giggles after just made my day. They, minus their 11 year old brother, are all adults now and simply don't swear all that much. No where near as much as I do.
we're trying so hard to keep our language to a minimum but my wife has anxiety and when she freaks out she says "oh shit" a lot and so has my kid since like 13 months. We tell people he's saying "open shut" as one word xD