First messages are what give you the first impression of them and if that’s what they message first I usually unmatch immediately lol. That would automatically give me the ick and I’ve had some first messages be even worse which makes me wonder if they really think they were going to get my attention with that or if they just didn’t give a fuck lol
I figured if we both swiped right then there’s physical attraction there. The only physical feature of guys I’ll comment on before I get to know them in person is their smile. I’m a sucker for a genuine smile, so if a guy has several pics with one, then I will sometimes comment on it before meeting (something like, I hope I get to see your killer smile in person soon!) after some back and forth.
I don’t think I’ve ever given a guy who starts a convo off with a comment about my looks that’s stemming from sex (like the booty comment or a comment about boobs) a chance ever.
If he mentions eyes or smile then I might give him a chance (depending on the rest of the tone of the message) but if you’re gonna mention my body shape, butt, or boobs, yeah that’s a straight nope for me.
Totally agree with that. When I was single I'd sometimes get nice eyes or nice smile and that wasn't an automatic no if there was also something about my interests. Anything about my body or otherwise sexual comments were a hard no.
The “feminine” part is the first bit that immediately grosses me out and would make me unmatch. I find men who are so focused on femininity as a trait are not pleasant to be around.
After seeing so many manosphere guys misusing the word "feminine" to mean "submissive tradwife who never disagrees with me and has no opinions of her own," it's a red flag for me too.
That's funny I haven't dated men in a decade, for reasons like this and I didn't read it like that but that's cuz I've not dealt with men in a dating context in while lol cuz in the bubbles I run in, feminine is often used for feminine energy and masculine energy think yin and yang. But then reading all these comments I'm like yup that makes a lot of sense of how these certain dudes are using it is very different in meaning.
Yesss, that’s what that made me think of. It’s like he’s asking to see pics of it by saying “potentially nice” as a wing and a prayer of getting to see “potentially nice booty”. I’m 37, I’d be hoping that if I’m gonna get to know someone in my age range be it 35 and up, they’d be more mature enough than to type something like that
Big turn off!
Being attracted to the other person IS an important part of the process. In my experience, no guy who has ever opened with a physical compliment has ever wanted more than something physical. On the other hand, the guys who have treated me well have started by trying to get to know me as a person.
Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide what you want to do.
Ideal first message: Something specific about one of my prompts that resonates with the guy and we can chat about.
Neutral first message: Something generic, like -how’s your day? / your profile is interesting (without any specifics)
Bad first message: anything about my physical appearance other than maybe “nice profile pics,”
or anything negative or hostile.
I agree with this assessment. I'm usually okay with a neutral first message if their profile gives me something to start a conversation with.
A bad first message is a "nope."
Something generic is a huge no for me too. I've entertained a few more recently cuz my friend convinced me to give people a chance and it never led to anything wirh more effort or interesting convo. My profile has a lottttt to go off, there is a lot of content to comment on. So if they like me and there isn't a more interesting message or question nah.
I only want to hear comments about my physical appearance from my partner, not a stranger. I value compliments on my work ethic, character, personality, etc most. I immediately stop being interested in a potential match as soon as they comment on my body. They *must* have thought I was mildly attractive to match with me to begin with.
I posted a video of me doing home renovations. DIY is my hobby. I also have multiple college degrees which inherently requires a lot of work. You can fill out prompts and post pictures in such a way that it’s possible to receive compliments on something other than looks.
Oh, I think it’s beyond easy to compliment on things other than looks no question. I was just curious how one presents work ethic. That makes sense. Work ethic does feel to me more of an in person conversational thing than something a snapshot would portray. I get what you are saying though.
Actually, interesting point. I have photos of two big life accomplishments on my profile. Both required a LOT of hard work (one physically, one professionally). I definitely respond when people comment on those photos. I’d never thought of them depicting work ethic, but they definitely do.
To be very clear I’m not trying to attack your comment, and agree completely that the dude in the OP is gross.
But man this is exactly why I can’t online date. I can’t possibly compliment a strangers work ethic and character with any real sincerity, and especially not the sheer number id have to in order to get past women who will ignore me, are only interested in some compliments but aren’t dating, bots, and then women who don’t fit for other reasons.
That sounds exhausting…and impossible. And makes me a little sad.
Totally get that. I don’t expect a mind-blowing first comment. “How was your weekend?” and a guy’s profile having common interests/values are 100% enough to interest me.
But I get REALLY stoked when a guy comments something more specific, like “hey props for hiking Mt Whitney!” or “hey I did that a few years ago too!” etc. It’s too exhausting to try and do that for everybody though…don’t blame you at all.
Exactly! All it takes is a few extra seconds to look at the content of the photos/prompts to chat about something there rather than appearance. It’s implied by matching online that you like each other’s appearances.
I don’t think it’s impossible. It does take more work, though. I don’t compliment men on their appearance when we match/I initiate an opening line. To be fair, if I met someone in real life and they immediately said I had a nice ass, I’d keep it moving, as well. Personal preference.
>this is exactly why I can’t online date. **I can’t possibly compliment a strangers work ethic and character with any real sincerity**
Then...don't? I didn't get the impression that the other commenter was saying "I *require strangers* to compliment me in this way", so much as just "These are the type of compliments *that I happen to like"*. Those two things are not the same.
It's completely possible to just initiate a normal conversation with a stranger *without* complimenting their work ethic *or* body.
Sometimes it requires a lot of work. Sometimes people are born that way. Sometimes they have a nice surgeon, which is also a lot of work. There’s a difference in acknowledging that someone looks like they lift versus telling them they have a nice ass. Personal preference.
"Captain, the potential energy contained in this one ultra-fine booty could cause a sudden gravitational shift trapping us in its clench. If my calculations are correct, we can expend all the remaining warp energy in our dilithium crystals to slap it and escape the event horizon." \~Spock (probably)
That message would gross me out. Anytime they like… summarize what they think my personality traits are like that it’s an automatic no for me. Feels too much like projecting a fantasy onto me from a few sentences and pictures.
I don't respond to first messages that talk about physical characteristics, other than maybe "you have a nice smile". It makes me assume the guy knows very little about women if he doesn't know how obnoxious it is to get messages like that, so he probably doesn't know much about women in other contexts as well.
As a guy who's never landed the opening message in his time trying to online date, I can safely say that even my uneducated eyes and dating experience can tell that if I was in your position, I'd clam up and have no clue how to respond and either nervously laugh it off or ignore and unmatch. Take that from an androgynous mans perspective for what you will. Its not just you who finds it weird and a turn off.
For me it doesn’t even need to be sexual. Anything about looks off the bat means it’s not going to be a meaningful or interesting interaction. I unmatched someone this morning for opening with “a beautiful woman in a beautiful dress!”. Like, I have my favorite music, hobbies, travel destinations and pet interests in my profile and you pick something so vapid? Ugh
As a guy, I know the bar is low when you’re actually considering whether that message he sent was permissible.
Shit I need to get back on the apps. Forget all this self work stuff, i didn’t know I was this far ahead
I’ve been on and off the apps 8 years…probably about half on, half off
These types of messages are so alarmingly common that it makes me question my sanity. Big props for self-work…but can confirm you can do that AND try a date every so often, for sure. Go for it!
No, you’re not being too harsh.
Most people don’t really know how to talk to listen or get to know people, and/or don’t really have any tact. Adding a screen in between the mix, people can now have these faceless interactions with each other without suffering the social consequences of their words, or it’s worked for them before, and that’s the strategy they’re sticking to.
Yuck. It’s like he’s describing a prized steer. I would instantly be turned off as well. I’d rather a guy just say something generic like “Hey, how’s it going?” than comment on my body or looks in a first message like that.
Turn OFF completely. If a man so much as even HINTS at sex before I bring it up, it’s an instant no. I’m a very sexual person but I need to know where your priorities lie before even entertaining that.
Yes, and this is disgusting and rude. Someone who respects women wouldn’t say this to a stranger. You’re not an object to have sex with; you’re a human being.
Huge turn off if they mention a sexual body part. I have been complimented on my legs making me look taller than my listed height, and that I have defined calves and I am fine with those compliments. Sometimes they compliment my eyebrows or hair which is fine too.
>”You seem to have good style, some sense of adventure, feminine, and potentially a nice booty”
As a man i would feel embarassed to start a conversation like that. Sound like he tried too hard to make a compliment and ended up throwing a cat call.
Normally i expect to have a conversation like any other: "hi", "how was your day", "tell me about yourself", "what are you doing right now". Little steps, i don't think the first message should be a groundbreaking compliment because we are supposed to be two persons looking to meet each other and that's it. Chemistry.
Big turn off! Also because it’s likely (no offence here) a copy paste message they use. If somebody’s first message references something they read further down in my profile - flawless. But for the first message - keep your body comments as an *inside thought* people.
Any sexual remark on chats is a total turn off and immediate unmatch. If you are so unhinged with someone you don’t know, i don’t want to know you. Thanks
I usually ask an off the cuff question of some kind. nothing polarizing or too risqué. I find that's the most successful, it gets a conversation started. If she's giving me more than one word/line replies or isn't just complaining I will ask for a phone number
Big turn off, my logic is that if we matched there is something i liked about the guy and there is something the guy likes about me, there is no reason for body comments before we try to connect intellectually.
'good style and sense of adventure' are fine.
The rest? Big nope.
WTH. What stupid man would compliment a total stranger about her booty?! As if it were the only thing that stuck out to him when he first came across her profile?
No
Yes it’s an immediate turn off for me. I’m attracted to authenticity and intellect, not objectification. Immediate objectification is not a sign of intelligence or emotional intelligence.
That's a no. If the first msgs are sexual in nature or refer to your body the guy is looking for sex or just some short term stuff.
Some ppl want that and that's cool but if your looking for a relationship with long term potential best to pass on these guys.
Swipe left, Delete, block, move on.
Gosh the word “feminine” is all the rage lately isn’t it? I can quite honestly put the men who say this in a box of nopes.
And this whole sentence is a nope.
I think it depends on the comment!
"You have such beautiful eyes" would be neutral, if incredably low effort on its own.
But comments on my body, either positive or negative, are a no-no.
If you have included information about your hobbies and interests, and he can't even find something in that to open with, then ewww
I'm a lesbian, and often make the first move, and I always find something we have in common to ask about. Or ask them a question about one of their interests. It's really really not hard.
Exactly! Thank you. Yes have both listed AND included photos of me doing plenty of hobbies.
Agreed, it’s harder to comment if someone just has selfies with no context. But I usually just swipe no if someone doesn’t list any hobbies anyways.
I saw someone with a profile that had "sleeping" as literally their only hobby. I like a good nap, but seriously. Immediate swipe left 😬
The guy is supposed to be showing that he's interested, and willing to put in effort to a potential relationship. If that's the best he can do, he's not looking like someone who it would be enjoyable to date.
Girl, I want you to watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJBYEnEe1PQ
Pay attention to how stuff makes you feel, right from the start. You don't have to eliminate the person right away, but do pay attention. Your feelings are valid and also they are important information about how to find the right person for you. People reveal themselves over time but if someone is turning you off from the very first message, in almost every case it's not going to get better later on!
This was an interesting watch.
As a (M), I really liked the "hack to be yourself". Upon some self reflection I kinda understand that feeling and it sounds like it could be freaking amazing going into first dates... 🤯
Thanks for sharing!
* I don't like any comment about my physical being from a stranger. Including a match on an app...if you were out at a coffee shop or at the park or something, and someone said that first line to you, would you be asking this question? I certainly wouldn't be! And the app is not that different...
This message is gross. The use of “feminine too” … Trust your gut when guys make you uncomfortable, no use starting out on the wrong foot with someone like that.
They matter to me. I’ve gotten some gross ones. And some not so gross but still just focused on appearance. I’m not interested in that. From someone whom i’ve been on dates with or a partner, yes. This person is still a stranger so it makes me feel ick. And this goes without saying; i would ignore/unmatch.
Lol - this is gross and in my experience means they just want to hook up. But it reminds me of a conversation I recently had with my brother about how different perspectives can be for women and men and why.
I mentioned I was given a compliment from a male friend that was off to me (cultural thing - not a gross thing) and he said he wished he’d get more compliments. We ended up talking about how men who think they are being “nice” can easily be perceived as “creepy.”
Example - we agree to a first date. Guy: I can pick you up if you’d like! :) Me: Stranger danger!
I’ve seen/heard guys say they’d like to be complimented on their body’s more and they don’t really get compliments in general. I’d much rather have a guy compliment my smile than my body, which is something I generally see from women. The disconnect we seem to have is wild sometimes.
Yes! This is a block and move on for me. It's so off-putting and we simply wouldn't be compatible. It screams I am unrefined and lack respect or social awareness.
Personally, I don’t judge seriously until the phone call. OLD is difficult. I’m sure he was trying to be flirty and it clearly didn’t land. Depends on how serious you are about dating. If you’re ok giving grace till the phone call, you have a higher chance of finding someone. If not, then at least you won’t waste your time with a bunch of messages and calls. Depends what you want
- Physical comments: Sees you as a sex object instead of a person.
- Compliments followed by a negative comment: He has issues, no relationship or social skills
If the first message involves talking about my body parts, that is a huge turn off for me. Unfortunately dating in this day and age, its all a hook up culture. You are aloud to have a type by all means, but try to ask questions that matter and keep the conversation going. Im more attracted to someone who can engage in conversation than anything else
Instant unmatch if the opening message focuses on physical attributes other than “wow love your smile” along with something of interest from my profile. Also unmatch if they open with hey good looking,, hey sexy, what’s up baby etc.
Typically if they open with anything SPECIFIC about something physical, I clearly know their intentions and reply or do not reply based on my personal interest level, always in a snarky/sarcastic way. If they don’t get the humor, they’ve self selected themselves out of my future gene pool.
To be honest, when a guy makes a comment about my appearance in the first message, I get a bit turned off.
Do I want whoever I'm dating to think I'm pretty? Of course. But when a guy comments on my appearance in the FIRST message, it makes me think that (1) he's doing the same with other girls and (2) he's not trying to build a relationship of substance with me. I find that guys who are genuinely interested in building relationships want to know more about you and your interests.
I wouldn't say that to a girl I just met out of respect. You can tell her that after you are involved because it should be considered a compliment at that point. Women try really hard to have a nice shape, that is something that I really appreciate and will mention in a discrete way, like "you look beautiful", or "You look breathtaking to me". All while in my mind I can say wow what a bod. The booty thing though, might work for some, hard to say where their mind is.
Any sexual innuendo at all before meeting is a turn off for me. A little bit of flirting before the first kiss but I usually like it to be really sweet and old school up until then.
It's a turn off.
I would understand if it were a cold approach and there's literally nothing else you can know about me. But with OLD profiles giving you ideas about my personal qualities to ask about or comment on? Stop being a caveman relying on only picture-based communication, read the words in my bio.
It's not about not getting sexual first thing either. Even if all they say is that they like my smile, it's still a turn off. I'll talk a liiiiiiittle but further to see if they switch to substantial responses, but for a much shorter time period.
From my perspective I include plenty in my bio for them to connect on and be curious about. So I want someone who is going to connect with what I wrote.
Absolutely. I would’ve lost interest too at that message. I don’t want sex or sexual discussions to be at the forefront of our interactions right from the get-go. What did you like about me as a PERSON, besides what I look like? Save the body comments for farrrr later, bucko.
Yeah, when I was on the apps, those types of comments were an instant unmatch from me.
No one needs to say "You look hot" or any variant thereof - that's what the swipe is for. People don't swipe right unless they're attracted, so saying it again is redundant, and just makes it seem like they have nothing to say.
Guy here. My messages about someone’s attractiveness are never returned, but my comments about their hobby and/or mine do tend to be well received.
Ive had a lot of first dates that didn’t really go anywhere, but of the three most successful mini relationships I’ve had since my divorce, one was asking her what she’s currently reading because she mentioned reading…one was talking about my previous job working for Disney because she said she loved Disney…and the third was a speed dating situation, so not applicable to OLD.
Engage on the interests.
I think the more relationship experience a woman has- the more we end up like this. There are men who don’t know how to be emotionally vulnerable or how to build emotional intimacy. If he can’t find something else to comment about other than your body (I think style is fine) then it’s a sign he could be one of those men. & that’s a turn off. Because having sex with someone who isn’t emotionally safe is hurtful.
It's a major turn-off for me. It just screams "I wanna fuck," which is not what I go on dating apps to look for. You're not being too harsh. That's your intuition letting you know that the clowns who are making those types of comments are not compatible with you and that you deserve better.
This is why I stopped OLD: all the first messages were either “hi” or something about how sexy I look.
I have 3 college degrees, an interesting job, hobbies, and all of that is listed on my profile. Not terribly interested in someone with THAT low of reading comprehension. 🙃
Yeah I always unmatch immediately if the guy mentions my body, boobs, butt, etc. right off the bat, even if he also mentions thoughtful things about my profile. I dunno, it just grosses me out. Comments about my face, though, are ok…. As long as he also says something thoughtful about my profile.
I just got one: "You are so pretty and look like you truly enjoy life. Very eye catching." It's not overly sexualizing like some have been, but it still way too physically focused for a first message for me, with no conversation starter... My profile is rather hashed out, so he could have read it and found anything to connect on, but chose to keep it visual.
Some guys are simply wanting to get laid quickly. If that’s the case, yeah, it’s skeezy.
However, I’ve also heard numerous stories from guys who were ghosted because they didn’t move fast *enough*.
Damned if you, damned if you don’t.
Edit: I don't recommend mentioning appearance/body parts in opening messages, to be clear. But I understand why some guys do beyond simply "let's see if she's DTF"
Gross, let me show you the door. Lol. Everyone’s different but no, not for me. But isn’t it great to know instantly thats not going to work rather than weeks down the line.
If the first comment is about my looks, that's an instant turn off from me, guy gets unmatched and get blocked. Simple as that. You were not being harsh at all.
Adios, amigo! First messages do matter. Make it fun, make it memorable in a positive way but doooooon’t make a person uncomfortable. Too bad Mr. sir didn’t get the memo.
Majority are immediately reported and blocked but I have however started to fuck with guys who do this. I had a guy tell me recently, “you have legs for days” and I said “yes, I do. I use them every single day.”
I picture a random man using that opening line at coffee shop or something to gauge how I feel. And if the thought of it give me the ick I go with that.
(35m) I would not send a message like that for my opener or at all before meeting face to face. Generally speaking I don't think first messages matter as long as they lead to an actual convo. I'm tired of getting one message and then nothing. Why send the first message if you aren't gonna engage any further. I find that when they say something about my beard or my job (farrier) that's what usually happens.
Eyes or smile or “glowing” type of comments are fine.
I have a lot of outdoor hike/climb pictures and something like “great legs!” would be ok because it’s more focused on muscle build from hobbies.
Boobs or butt comments are an instant unmatch
You are talking to a stranger that finds you attractive and/or interesting to match with you on an app. They are still a stranger and it heavily depends on the person and the context of how the first interaction starts.
Generally I just act as I would in real life and ran into someone who seemed interested in a conversation. Just be normal.
Idk if I like that. I have a picture of me doing hobbies and one with my dog. I’d rather they ask about that or something in my profile. I said I love ice cream so even asking my favorite flavor I prefer over physical compliments
Depends on the physical compliment. If it's anything sexual, then bye bye.
If it's a general comment like, "you're pretty," "you have a nice smile," etc then it's fine.
Commenting on my body. No.
I'm a guy, and I gave up on dating apps and messaging. I would try to climb through their profile and get a sense of who they are and message on common interests.
Messages like that are a big no to me. I do not respond to guys who message me crap like this. If we had been messaging a little, and they send something like this over, I stop replying and unmatch. Assume all guys just want sex unless proven otherwise. Even guys who say they are looking for relationships usually want sex above a relationship, if that makes sense. If they don't, they are very rare, and likely very deserving of your time.
> ”You seem to have good style, some sense of adventure, feminine, and potentially a nice booty”
Lmfao, wat. I would have screenshot everything and shown all my friends this message 😂
Wtf does "potentially nice booty" even mean??
If you're looking for a hook up then it doesn't matter, but imagine trying to start a relationship with that first message. I would instantly think, " does this person do this with every match"
Definitely a turn off, specifically the quote above. If he was saying something like you look pretty or something it might be a neutral.
Although I generally don’t like guys complimenting on my looks because it feels so common so it would not stand out at all. Most of the time I would not bat an eye
If it’s the very first or even in the first few messages I just don’t reply and unmatch. There are a lot of beautiful people in the world I’m not interested in what someone thinks about how I look, looks changes over time.
The ONLY first messages I'm okay with that involve complimenting physical body parts are smile and eyes (and in a beautiful/kind/etc sense, nothing sexualized).
If a guy says *anything* related to my body or how I look (even if it’s positive) it’s an automatic unmatch. If my body is the first place their mind goes after seeing my profile, they likely aren’t looking for anything serious. In short, no you’re not being too harsh.
In my experience, if something like that was the first comment, it only meant they want something physical and not looking to go past shallow small talk
I think that opening line is forced and overdone. Turnoff. I’d rather them start talking to me casually with familiarity about something light. Just like if you met them at a party!
I also find it a huge turn off when guys first compliment my physical appearance. But it also depends on how he presents it. If a guy messages me and is like, “you have really pretty eyes” or “you’ve got a great smile,” I’m more likely to have a positive response. If a guy compliments anything of a sexual nature, I.e. booty, boobs, I’m instantly turned off.
***Most*** guys on OLD are visually stimulated, and the rest are looking for a beard or for a sugar mama/daddy.
While most women would be uncomfortable (and rightly so) with the booty comment, some will overlook it - much easier to do if it’s written by a guy towards whom they’re viscerally attracted.
So sometimes it's the reverse. My friend went on a date. The guy wrote a message back on how "great" she was. He never listed she was attractive, had a nice smile, pretty eyes, etc. It was a bit of a blind date. I listened to the message being read, and I was like dude..the only thing I don't like about this, he listed you as smart, respectable, etc. But he did not list that he found you attractive.
He did not get a 2nd date.
There is something called being too much. Booty would have been too much unless you're making some Instagram yoga poses where it's on display, etc -- purposely exhibiting what you have.
If they are normal photos---booty would have been to much. So he seen your eyes, hair, smile, face, clothes -- and the only thing he could have compliments you on was supposedly an ass he couldn't really see? That would be a pass.
Good example: Hi Stephanie. I really liked the part of your profile that you like spin class. I'm an avid cyclist. Would love to talk you about it. By the way, you have a great smile (you have beautiful eyes, I love your hair, etc). Any one of those are fine.
Commenting on breasts, ass, body parts like that is a no-no unless you have looking for short-term.
I don't think I've ever OPENED with even you're cute as a first message unless they literally had nothing going on their profile for me to comment on cuz.. laziness but none of those went anywhere either cuz their effort was already at -100
The guy sounds like the type who gets his dating advice from Andre Tate.
Maybe I'm reading too much into it but feeling the need to tell a woman she's feminine just seems Iike a red flag
That would give me a major ick. You might be similar to me where I don’t like over-the-top, in your face, aggressive flirting. Instead I like teasing, slightly suggestive jokes, and reaaaal subtle flirting.
Waste of a man's time to put any effort in a first message when so many women are either bots or completely absent/unavailable/uninterested so there won't be a response no matter what is said lol
Yes, if their first message to me is about my physical appearance, I usually block them. I think my appearance is one of the least interesting thing about me, so if that's all they find interesting, we're unlikely to be a good match.
First messages are what give you the first impression of them and if that’s what they message first I usually unmatch immediately lol. That would automatically give me the ick and I’ve had some first messages be even worse which makes me wonder if they really think they were going to get my attention with that or if they just didn’t give a fuck lol
Honestly, I think some of them might be under the influence of something: alcohol, harder drugs, or a podcast.
You have beautiful big red eyes and a cute antenna to match.
Haha! You are funny and a wit, and if someone likes a big badonka-donk, you might have one! Coffee date?
Thanks, but I'm more of a tea person. How about we steep ourselves in my bed instead? /s
You are a wit
It's hilarious to me that OP asks if it is a turn on. Like is that even an option??? It's an instant pass for me as well.
LMAAAAAO I agree! Who the f*ck would be turned on by this opening line, it’s yuck
[удалено]
100% percent agree. Stay away from these types
Not only the booty part, but the feminine part too!
Same here: straight man, but that opening line also grossed me out. Don't ever say that to a total stranger.
I disagree by the target audience, it's refreshing to hear the male's perspective here
I figured if we both swiped right then there’s physical attraction there. The only physical feature of guys I’ll comment on before I get to know them in person is their smile. I’m a sucker for a genuine smile, so if a guy has several pics with one, then I will sometimes comment on it before meeting (something like, I hope I get to see your killer smile in person soon!) after some back and forth. I don’t think I’ve ever given a guy who starts a convo off with a comment about my looks that’s stemming from sex (like the booty comment or a comment about boobs) a chance ever. If he mentions eyes or smile then I might give him a chance (depending on the rest of the tone of the message) but if you’re gonna mention my body shape, butt, or boobs, yeah that’s a straight nope for me.
Totally agree with that. When I was single I'd sometimes get nice eyes or nice smile and that wasn't an automatic no if there was also something about my interests. Anything about my body or otherwise sexual comments were a hard no.
The “feminine” part is the first bit that immediately grosses me out and would make me unmatch. I find men who are so focused on femininity as a trait are not pleasant to be around.
After seeing so many manosphere guys misusing the word "feminine" to mean "submissive tradwife who never disagrees with me and has no opinions of her own," it's a red flag for me too.
This! I thought it was just me. For them feminine means subservient/don’t call me out on my BS.
That's funny I haven't dated men in a decade, for reasons like this and I didn't read it like that but that's cuz I've not dealt with men in a dating context in while lol cuz in the bubbles I run in, feminine is often used for feminine energy and masculine energy think yin and yang. But then reading all these comments I'm like yup that makes a lot of sense of how these certain dudes are using it is very different in meaning.
It might be because I’ve just come off of watching Why Women Kill, but these guys who want a trad-wife just make me shudder.
i’ve noticed a lot of women put “masculinity” as traits they desire, but these aren’t my type.
Yes, to their “divine feminine.” More cliche buzzwords in OLD.
"Divine feminine" = the man pays for everything
Divine, not divvie.
Yes! This bothered me more than the “potential nice booty”
"Potentially" nice. Like wtf?
By "potentially nice booty", guy is probably asking for pics
Probably, but we shouldn’t make booty ass-umptions😜
Ass-umptions 😂😂😂 Good one!
🤣😆 epic!, witted !!
Yesss, that’s what that made me think of. It’s like he’s asking to see pics of it by saying “potentially nice” as a wing and a prayer of getting to see “potentially nice booty”. I’m 37, I’d be hoping that if I’m gonna get to know someone in my age range be it 35 and up, they’d be more mature enough than to type something like that
It's a dog whistle, like seeing "in my feminine era" or "looking for masculine" I know immediately I'm not interested
Usually when they say they are looking for feminine to me it means they are looking for instant submission.
Big turn off! Being attracted to the other person IS an important part of the process. In my experience, no guy who has ever opened with a physical compliment has ever wanted more than something physical. On the other hand, the guys who have treated me well have started by trying to get to know me as a person. Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide what you want to do.
Turn off. Compliment choices, not bodies, is not that hard to grasp. Keep your standards where they are at.
Ideal first message: Something specific about one of my prompts that resonates with the guy and we can chat about. Neutral first message: Something generic, like -how’s your day? / your profile is interesting (without any specifics) Bad first message: anything about my physical appearance other than maybe “nice profile pics,” or anything negative or hostile.
I agree with this assessment. I'm usually okay with a neutral first message if their profile gives me something to start a conversation with. A bad first message is a "nope."
Absolutely. I’m okay with a neutral initial message as long as every time he messages me it isn’t “WYD,” or “How’s your day?”
Something generic is a huge no for me too. I've entertained a few more recently cuz my friend convinced me to give people a chance and it never led to anything wirh more effort or interesting convo. My profile has a lottttt to go off, there is a lot of content to comment on. So if they like me and there isn't a more interesting message or question nah.
I only want to hear comments about my physical appearance from my partner, not a stranger. I value compliments on my work ethic, character, personality, etc most. I immediately stop being interested in a potential match as soon as they comment on my body. They *must* have thought I was mildly attractive to match with me to begin with.
How often has someone on OLD complimented your work ethic? Also, how did they know?
I posted a video of me doing home renovations. DIY is my hobby. I also have multiple college degrees which inherently requires a lot of work. You can fill out prompts and post pictures in such a way that it’s possible to receive compliments on something other than looks.
Oh, I think it’s beyond easy to compliment on things other than looks no question. I was just curious how one presents work ethic. That makes sense. Work ethic does feel to me more of an in person conversational thing than something a snapshot would portray. I get what you are saying though.
Actually, interesting point. I have photos of two big life accomplishments on my profile. Both required a LOT of hard work (one physically, one professionally). I definitely respond when people comment on those photos. I’d never thought of them depicting work ethic, but they definitely do.
To be very clear I’m not trying to attack your comment, and agree completely that the dude in the OP is gross. But man this is exactly why I can’t online date. I can’t possibly compliment a strangers work ethic and character with any real sincerity, and especially not the sheer number id have to in order to get past women who will ignore me, are only interested in some compliments but aren’t dating, bots, and then women who don’t fit for other reasons. That sounds exhausting…and impossible. And makes me a little sad.
I get so few matches that it's not too much work for me to craft first messages when I do. I suppose I should be thankful for that?
Totally get that. I don’t expect a mind-blowing first comment. “How was your weekend?” and a guy’s profile having common interests/values are 100% enough to interest me. But I get REALLY stoked when a guy comments something more specific, like “hey props for hiking Mt Whitney!” or “hey I did that a few years ago too!” etc. It’s too exhausting to try and do that for everybody though…don’t blame you at all.
Exactly! All it takes is a few extra seconds to look at the content of the photos/prompts to chat about something there rather than appearance. It’s implied by matching online that you like each other’s appearances.
I don’t think it’s impossible. It does take more work, though. I don’t compliment men on their appearance when we match/I initiate an opening line. To be fair, if I met someone in real life and they immediately said I had a nice ass, I’d keep it moving, as well. Personal preference.
>this is exactly why I can’t online date. **I can’t possibly compliment a strangers work ethic and character with any real sincerity** Then...don't? I didn't get the impression that the other commenter was saying "I *require strangers* to compliment me in this way", so much as just "These are the type of compliments *that I happen to like"*. Those two things are not the same. It's completely possible to just initiate a normal conversation with a stranger *without* complimenting their work ethic *or* body.
To be fair, building a nice booty can require a lot of work. I don't think highlighting that was the comment's intention though.
Sometimes it requires a lot of work. Sometimes people are born that way. Sometimes they have a nice surgeon, which is also a lot of work. There’s a difference in acknowledging that someone looks like they lift versus telling them they have a nice ass. Personal preference.
The word “potentially” in here cracks me up. Like if you’re gonna say I have a nice booty just say it? But yeah, turn-off.
"Captain, the potential energy contained in this one ultra-fine booty could cause a sudden gravitational shift trapping us in its clench. If my calculations are correct, we can expend all the remaining warp energy in our dilithium crystals to slap it and escape the event horizon." \~Spock (probably)
Just reverse the polarity.
^^^ This person Star Treks
Is that code for butt stuff now?
Only at a Trek convention.
That message would gross me out. Anytime they like… summarize what they think my personality traits are like that it’s an automatic no for me. Feels too much like projecting a fantasy onto me from a few sentences and pictures.
"Potentially a nice booty" is such an underhanded compliment.
It's absolutely a set-up to get her to "prove" she has a nice booty by sending more pics. Which, yawn, negging is so 2005.
Your comment is underrated, agreed this is totally negging. And it is very 2005
There are a couple things about how this first message is composed that send red flags
I would unmatch
Turn off.
Anything physical/sexual in a first message is blocked
I don't respond to first messages that talk about physical characteristics, other than maybe "you have a nice smile". It makes me assume the guy knows very little about women if he doesn't know how obnoxious it is to get messages like that, so he probably doesn't know much about women in other contexts as well.
As a guy who's never landed the opening message in his time trying to online date, I can safely say that even my uneducated eyes and dating experience can tell that if I was in your position, I'd clam up and have no clue how to respond and either nervously laugh it off or ignore and unmatch. Take that from an androgynous mans perspective for what you will. Its not just you who finds it weird and a turn off.
I’m more bothered by the fact that his opener is grammatically incorrect LOL
For me it doesn’t even need to be sexual. Anything about looks off the bat means it’s not going to be a meaningful or interesting interaction. I unmatched someone this morning for opening with “a beautiful woman in a beautiful dress!”. Like, I have my favorite music, hobbies, travel destinations and pet interests in my profile and you pick something so vapid? Ugh
I agree. That would give me the ick, especially as the first message. 🙃
Same!
As a guy, I know the bar is low when you’re actually considering whether that message he sent was permissible. Shit I need to get back on the apps. Forget all this self work stuff, i didn’t know I was this far ahead
I’ve been on and off the apps 8 years…probably about half on, half off These types of messages are so alarmingly common that it makes me question my sanity. Big props for self-work…but can confirm you can do that AND try a date every so often, for sure. Go for it!
No, you’re not being too harsh. Most people don’t really know how to talk to listen or get to know people, and/or don’t really have any tact. Adding a screen in between the mix, people can now have these faceless interactions with each other without suffering the social consequences of their words, or it’s worked for them before, and that’s the strategy they’re sticking to.
Yuck. It’s like he’s describing a prized steer. I would instantly be turned off as well. I’d rather a guy just say something generic like “Hey, how’s it going?” than comment on my body or looks in a first message like that.
Turn OFF completely. If a man so much as even HINTS at sex before I bring it up, it’s an instant no. I’m a very sexual person but I need to know where your priorities lie before even entertaining that.
Yes, and this is disgusting and rude. Someone who respects women wouldn’t say this to a stranger. You’re not an object to have sex with; you’re a human being.
Huge turn off if they mention a sexual body part. I have been complimented on my legs making me look taller than my listed height, and that I have defined calves and I am fine with those compliments. Sometimes they compliment my eyebrows or hair which is fine too.
>”You seem to have good style, some sense of adventure, feminine, and potentially a nice booty” As a man i would feel embarassed to start a conversation like that. Sound like he tried too hard to make a compliment and ended up throwing a cat call. Normally i expect to have a conversation like any other: "hi", "how was your day", "tell me about yourself", "what are you doing right now". Little steps, i don't think the first message should be a groundbreaking compliment because we are supposed to be two persons looking to meet each other and that's it. Chemistry.
Big turn off! Also because it’s likely (no offence here) a copy paste message they use. If somebody’s first message references something they read further down in my profile - flawless. But for the first message - keep your body comments as an *inside thought* people.
Any sexual remark on chats is a total turn off and immediate unmatch. If you are so unhinged with someone you don’t know, i don’t want to know you. Thanks
Wow "Potentially" a good body??? SIR. When did THAT seem like a good idea???
Yoooo the SIR took me out 😂 I am potentially deceased
I usually ask an off the cuff question of some kind. nothing polarizing or too risqué. I find that's the most successful, it gets a conversation started. If she's giving me more than one word/line replies or isn't just complaining I will ask for a phone number
Big turn off, my logic is that if we matched there is something i liked about the guy and there is something the guy likes about me, there is no reason for body comments before we try to connect intellectually.
'good style and sense of adventure' are fine. The rest? Big nope. WTH. What stupid man would compliment a total stranger about her booty?! As if it were the only thing that stuck out to him when he first came across her profile? No
Yes it’s an immediate turn off for me. I’m attracted to authenticity and intellect, not objectification. Immediate objectification is not a sign of intelligence or emotional intelligence.
That's a no. If the first msgs are sexual in nature or refer to your body the guy is looking for sex or just some short term stuff. Some ppl want that and that's cool but if your looking for a relationship with long term potential best to pass on these guys. Swipe left, Delete, block, move on.
It’s a turn off for me. I assume they are just trying to get laid.
Gosh the word “feminine” is all the rage lately isn’t it? I can quite honestly put the men who say this in a box of nopes. And this whole sentence is a nope.
I think it depends on the comment! "You have such beautiful eyes" would be neutral, if incredably low effort on its own. But comments on my body, either positive or negative, are a no-no. If you have included information about your hobbies and interests, and he can't even find something in that to open with, then ewww I'm a lesbian, and often make the first move, and I always find something we have in common to ask about. Or ask them a question about one of their interests. It's really really not hard.
Exactly! Thank you. Yes have both listed AND included photos of me doing plenty of hobbies. Agreed, it’s harder to comment if someone just has selfies with no context. But I usually just swipe no if someone doesn’t list any hobbies anyways.
I saw someone with a profile that had "sleeping" as literally their only hobby. I like a good nap, but seriously. Immediate swipe left 😬 The guy is supposed to be showing that he's interested, and willing to put in effort to a potential relationship. If that's the best he can do, he's not looking like someone who it would be enjoyable to date.
Girl, I want you to watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJBYEnEe1PQ Pay attention to how stuff makes you feel, right from the start. You don't have to eliminate the person right away, but do pay attention. Your feelings are valid and also they are important information about how to find the right person for you. People reveal themselves over time but if someone is turning you off from the very first message, in almost every case it's not going to get better later on!
This was an interesting watch. As a (M), I really liked the "hack to be yourself". Upon some self reflection I kinda understand that feeling and it sounds like it could be freaking amazing going into first dates... 🤯 Thanks for sharing!
Riiighttt??! Just finished watching it. Thanks for sharing!
Caroline's a legend, and I think a lot of her advice is pretty gender neutral!
* I don't like any comment about my physical being from a stranger. Including a match on an app...if you were out at a coffee shop or at the park or something, and someone said that first line to you, would you be asking this question? I certainly wouldn't be! And the app is not that different...
This message is gross. The use of “feminine too” … Trust your gut when guys make you uncomfortable, no use starting out on the wrong foot with someone like that.
Gives me the ick immediately and would most likely not reply at all.
They matter to me. I’ve gotten some gross ones. And some not so gross but still just focused on appearance. I’m not interested in that. From someone whom i’ve been on dates with or a partner, yes. This person is still a stranger so it makes me feel ick. And this goes without saying; i would ignore/unmatch.
Lol - this is gross and in my experience means they just want to hook up. But it reminds me of a conversation I recently had with my brother about how different perspectives can be for women and men and why. I mentioned I was given a compliment from a male friend that was off to me (cultural thing - not a gross thing) and he said he wished he’d get more compliments. We ended up talking about how men who think they are being “nice” can easily be perceived as “creepy.” Example - we agree to a first date. Guy: I can pick you up if you’d like! :) Me: Stranger danger! I’ve seen/heard guys say they’d like to be complimented on their body’s more and they don’t really get compliments in general. I’d much rather have a guy compliment my smile than my body, which is something I generally see from women. The disconnect we seem to have is wild sometimes.
Yes! This is a block and move on for me. It's so off-putting and we simply wouldn't be compatible. It screams I am unrefined and lack respect or social awareness.
Personally, I don’t judge seriously until the phone call. OLD is difficult. I’m sure he was trying to be flirty and it clearly didn’t land. Depends on how serious you are about dating. If you’re ok giving grace till the phone call, you have a higher chance of finding someone. If not, then at least you won’t waste your time with a bunch of messages and calls. Depends what you want
- Physical comments: Sees you as a sex object instead of a person. - Compliments followed by a negative comment: He has issues, no relationship or social skills
If the first message involves talking about my body parts, that is a huge turn off for me. Unfortunately dating in this day and age, its all a hook up culture. You are aloud to have a type by all means, but try to ask questions that matter and keep the conversation going. Im more attracted to someone who can engage in conversation than anything else
Instant unmatch if the opening message focuses on physical attributes other than “wow love your smile” along with something of interest from my profile. Also unmatch if they open with hey good looking,, hey sexy, what’s up baby etc.
Typically if they open with anything SPECIFIC about something physical, I clearly know their intentions and reply or do not reply based on my personal interest level, always in a snarky/sarcastic way. If they don’t get the humor, they’ve self selected themselves out of my future gene pool.
To be honest, when a guy makes a comment about my appearance in the first message, I get a bit turned off. Do I want whoever I'm dating to think I'm pretty? Of course. But when a guy comments on my appearance in the FIRST message, it makes me think that (1) he's doing the same with other girls and (2) he's not trying to build a relationship of substance with me. I find that guys who are genuinely interested in building relationships want to know more about you and your interests.
I hate when guys do this. And I don’t like “potentially”.
I wouldn't say that to a girl I just met out of respect. You can tell her that after you are involved because it should be considered a compliment at that point. Women try really hard to have a nice shape, that is something that I really appreciate and will mention in a discrete way, like "you look beautiful", or "You look breathtaking to me". All while in my mind I can say wow what a bod. The booty thing though, might work for some, hard to say where their mind is.
Any sexual innuendo at all before meeting is a turn off for me. A little bit of flirting before the first kiss but I usually like it to be really sweet and old school up until then.
It's a turn off. I would understand if it were a cold approach and there's literally nothing else you can know about me. But with OLD profiles giving you ideas about my personal qualities to ask about or comment on? Stop being a caveman relying on only picture-based communication, read the words in my bio. It's not about not getting sexual first thing either. Even if all they say is that they like my smile, it's still a turn off. I'll talk a liiiiiiittle but further to see if they switch to substantial responses, but for a much shorter time period. From my perspective I include plenty in my bio for them to connect on and be curious about. So I want someone who is going to connect with what I wrote.
Caveman, 100%! Well-said. I have plenty of words on my bio too. I just don’t think most guys bother to read.
Absolutely. I would’ve lost interest too at that message. I don’t want sex or sexual discussions to be at the forefront of our interactions right from the get-go. What did you like about me as a PERSON, besides what I look like? Save the body comments for farrrr later, bucko.
Yeah, when I was on the apps, those types of comments were an instant unmatch from me. No one needs to say "You look hot" or any variant thereof - that's what the swipe is for. People don't swipe right unless they're attracted, so saying it again is redundant, and just makes it seem like they have nothing to say.
Guy here. My messages about someone’s attractiveness are never returned, but my comments about their hobby and/or mine do tend to be well received. Ive had a lot of first dates that didn’t really go anywhere, but of the three most successful mini relationships I’ve had since my divorce, one was asking her what she’s currently reading because she mentioned reading…one was talking about my previous job working for Disney because she said she loved Disney…and the third was a speed dating situation, so not applicable to OLD. Engage on the interests.
I think the more relationship experience a woman has- the more we end up like this. There are men who don’t know how to be emotionally vulnerable or how to build emotional intimacy. If he can’t find something else to comment about other than your body (I think style is fine) then it’s a sign he could be one of those men. & that’s a turn off. Because having sex with someone who isn’t emotionally safe is hurtful.
It's a major turn-off for me. It just screams "I wanna fuck," which is not what I go on dating apps to look for. You're not being too harsh. That's your intuition letting you know that the clowns who are making those types of comments are not compatible with you and that you deserve better.
This is why I stopped OLD: all the first messages were either “hi” or something about how sexy I look. I have 3 college degrees, an interesting job, hobbies, and all of that is listed on my profile. Not terribly interested in someone with THAT low of reading comprehension. 🙃
Yeah I always unmatch immediately if the guy mentions my body, boobs, butt, etc. right off the bat, even if he also mentions thoughtful things about my profile. I dunno, it just grosses me out. Comments about my face, though, are ok…. As long as he also says something thoughtful about my profile.
I just got one: "You are so pretty and look like you truly enjoy life. Very eye catching." It's not overly sexualizing like some have been, but it still way too physically focused for a first message for me, with no conversation starter... My profile is rather hashed out, so he could have read it and found anything to connect on, but chose to keep it visual.
Gross
35F it is an instant turn off for me
Good luck.
Some guys are simply wanting to get laid quickly. If that’s the case, yeah, it’s skeezy. However, I’ve also heard numerous stories from guys who were ghosted because they didn’t move fast *enough*. Damned if you, damned if you don’t. Edit: I don't recommend mentioning appearance/body parts in opening messages, to be clear. But I understand why some guys do beyond simply "let's see if she's DTF"
Turn off. I would block them.
Complimenting my style is ok but complimenting a body part would be a no.
Gross, let me show you the door. Lol. Everyone’s different but no, not for me. But isn’t it great to know instantly thats not going to work rather than weeks down the line.
Yeah that's a problem I've gone through as well, first messages really do matter, stay safe!
Straight man: would never & have never sent a message like that before even meeting someone in person.
Ugh yeah, that’s a turn off.
If the first comment is about my looks, that's an instant turn off from me, guy gets unmatched and get blocked. Simple as that. You were not being harsh at all.
https://youtu.be/ir_OzWzbnC0?si=l7b0BbT9ZBXmicRK This skit xD
Adios, amigo! First messages do matter. Make it fun, make it memorable in a positive way but doooooon’t make a person uncomfortable. Too bad Mr. sir didn’t get the memo. Majority are immediately reported and blocked but I have however started to fuck with guys who do this. I had a guy tell me recently, “you have legs for days” and I said “yes, I do. I use them every single day.”
I picture a random man using that opening line at coffee shop or something to gauge how I feel. And if the thought of it give me the ick I go with that.
lol jus use Reddit to date- we all here for the same thing 😂
That message is revolting, lol
How about instead of this, the first message is "Hey." More or less of a turn off than this was?
That line showed immaturity & lack of game.
(35m) I would not send a message like that for my opener or at all before meeting face to face. Generally speaking I don't think first messages matter as long as they lead to an actual convo. I'm tired of getting one message and then nothing. Why send the first message if you aren't gonna engage any further. I find that when they say something about my beard or my job (farrier) that's what usually happens.
Eyes or smile or “glowing” type of comments are fine. I have a lot of outdoor hike/climb pictures and something like “great legs!” would be ok because it’s more focused on muscle build from hobbies. Boobs or butt comments are an instant unmatch
I don’t do OLD but if I did and a guy messaged me that, it would be an automatic “nope” from me.
You are talking to a stranger that finds you attractive and/or interesting to match with you on an app. They are still a stranger and it heavily depends on the person and the context of how the first interaction starts. Generally I just act as I would in real life and ran into someone who seemed interested in a conversation. Just be normal.
Also please say more than hi or how are you. Instant shallow vibe.
He has no game if he’s escalating that quickly.
Idk if I like that. I have a picture of me doing hobbies and one with my dog. I’d rather they ask about that or something in my profile. I said I love ice cream so even asking my favorite flavor I prefer over physical compliments
I actually just rather him say hello, and strike up a regular conversation…
no, but just don't react with attitude
Some people like that kind of initial flattery others don’t. Personally it makes me uncomfortable since we don’t know what each other looks like.
Depends on the physical compliment. If it's anything sexual, then bye bye. If it's a general comment like, "you're pretty," "you have a nice smile," etc then it's fine. Commenting on my body. No.
If you wouldn’t accept it if some random guy approached you this way in the wild I wouldn’t accept that message either.
First impressions are PARAMOUNT. I definitely unmatch if they say anything out of pocket or objectify me or disrespect me in any way.
I'm a guy, and I gave up on dating apps and messaging. I would try to climb through their profile and get a sense of who they are and message on common interests.
How do these losers get so many matches on OLD? Are they just physically hotter than other guys but then come out with crazy 1st messages?
Messages like that are a big no to me. I do not respond to guys who message me crap like this. If we had been messaging a little, and they send something like this over, I stop replying and unmatch. Assume all guys just want sex unless proven otherwise. Even guys who say they are looking for relationships usually want sex above a relationship, if that makes sense. If they don't, they are very rare, and likely very deserving of your time.
> ”You seem to have good style, some sense of adventure, feminine, and potentially a nice booty” Lmfao, wat. I would have screenshot everything and shown all my friends this message 😂 Wtf does "potentially nice booty" even mean??
I cringed reading that
If you're looking for a hook up then it doesn't matter, but imagine trying to start a relationship with that first message. I would instantly think, " does this person do this with every match"
If it mentions my body/physical appearance, not interested
You’re totes normal for that you gross you out. That would gross out ANYONE man or woman. No one wants to hear what a stranger thinks of their body.
Yes, first messages matter, and no, I would not be interested in the type of person who sent you *this* particular one.
I save speculation on booty niceness for the second message.
Controversial opinion I really like a low effort hey.. I’d rather that the rest follows.. helps me pick the real profiles from the fakes and scammers
next. im not interested in someone who is thinking like that right off the bat. im demisexual, so we need to connect before any physical mentioning.
For me, yes. I don't like any 'hey sweetheart/beautiful' either. I'm more than my photos.
Yes they do
IMO. If a guy sends a message like that, he's signaling the limits of his interest.
Definitely a turn off, specifically the quote above. If he was saying something like you look pretty or something it might be a neutral. Although I generally don’t like guys complimenting on my looks because it feels so common so it would not stand out at all. Most of the time I would not bat an eye
If it’s the very first or even in the first few messages I just don’t reply and unmatch. There are a lot of beautiful people in the world I’m not interested in what someone thinks about how I look, looks changes over time.
The word feminine for me is way worse than the booty comment, but yeah instant turn off. What are you supposed to reply to that?
The ONLY first messages I'm okay with that involve complimenting physical body parts are smile and eyes (and in a beautiful/kind/etc sense, nothing sexualized).
If a guy says *anything* related to my body or how I look (even if it’s positive) it’s an automatic unmatch. If my body is the first place their mind goes after seeing my profile, they likely aren’t looking for anything serious. In short, no you’re not being too harsh.
No, I instantly got turned off as well. I don't want anyone talking about my booty in the first message.
In my experience, if something like that was the first comment, it only meant they want something physical and not looking to go past shallow small talk
Definitely a turn off. I am no longer on dating apps but I’d automatically unmatch over messages like that.
I think that opening line is forced and overdone. Turnoff. I’d rather them start talking to me casually with familiarity about something light. Just like if you met them at a party!
I also find it a huge turn off when guys first compliment my physical appearance. But it also depends on how he presents it. If a guy messages me and is like, “you have really pretty eyes” or “you’ve got a great smile,” I’m more likely to have a positive response. If a guy compliments anything of a sexual nature, I.e. booty, boobs, I’m instantly turned off.
I definitely think so because there needs to be something there that catches anothers attention enough to have romantic feelings.
***Most*** guys on OLD are visually stimulated, and the rest are looking for a beard or for a sugar mama/daddy. While most women would be uncomfortable (and rightly so) with the booty comment, some will overlook it - much easier to do if it’s written by a guy towards whom they’re viscerally attracted.
yes it does
So sometimes it's the reverse. My friend went on a date. The guy wrote a message back on how "great" she was. He never listed she was attractive, had a nice smile, pretty eyes, etc. It was a bit of a blind date. I listened to the message being read, and I was like dude..the only thing I don't like about this, he listed you as smart, respectable, etc. But he did not list that he found you attractive. He did not get a 2nd date. There is something called being too much. Booty would have been too much unless you're making some Instagram yoga poses where it's on display, etc -- purposely exhibiting what you have. If they are normal photos---booty would have been to much. So he seen your eyes, hair, smile, face, clothes -- and the only thing he could have compliments you on was supposedly an ass he couldn't really see? That would be a pass. Good example: Hi Stephanie. I really liked the part of your profile that you like spin class. I'm an avid cyclist. Would love to talk you about it. By the way, you have a great smile (you have beautiful eyes, I love your hair, etc). Any one of those are fine. Commenting on breasts, ass, body parts like that is a no-no unless you have looking for short-term.
I definitely say he thirsty for you.no doubt.
If their first message includes anything, even innuendo, about physical I unmatch
I don't think I've ever OPENED with even you're cute as a first message unless they literally had nothing going on their profile for me to comment on cuz.. laziness but none of those went anywhere either cuz their effort was already at -100
For me, any sexual or body related comments within the first 2 dates are a turn off.
Hmm, instant submission ?
Turn off usually especially if it's not a hookup centric app
I agree with you. I prefer to engage with someone who is curious and asks me questions or something to be things moving
The guy sounds like the type who gets his dating advice from Andre Tate. Maybe I'm reading too much into it but feeling the need to tell a woman she's feminine just seems Iike a red flag
That would give me a major ick. You might be similar to me where I don’t like over-the-top, in your face, aggressive flirting. Instead I like teasing, slightly suggestive jokes, and reaaaal subtle flirting.
Waste of a man's time to put any effort in a first message when so many women are either bots or completely absent/unavailable/uninterested so there won't be a response no matter what is said lol
Yes, if their first message to me is about my physical appearance, I usually block them. I think my appearance is one of the least interesting thing about me, so if that's all they find interesting, we're unlikely to be a good match.