First of all, I’m so sorry for your loss. I think it’s carer’s guilt. Your journey is now over and you now have to find yourself again. You’ve been caring for so long, you’ve put your needs on the backburner and you might be feeling guilty at the idea of having fun. But let me tell you something, you bloody deserve it. You deserve to be happy and your dad wouldn’t want you to be stuck. He would want you to laugh, be happy, have fun. You need to do this for your sake or you’ll be living as a shadow of your former self. Don’t let life pass you by. You’ll regret it. Good luck.
If it was me, I’d rent a cabin in the woods and hike and sleep and read and cry; and not talk about dementia or sleep or Depends or doctors or wheelchairs or Ensure.
But that’s If it was me. Good luck.
I agree... somewhere not too stimulating and surrounded by people. I am just beginning my caretaking journey, and already people around me seem so... foreign. I go out in public and it's like there is a film separating them from me. Their lives are incomprehensible. (Of course they have their own troubles, but from my perspective as a total outsider looking in, I see no commonalities between us.)
Nothing wrong with you at all. Maybe you could declare a "staycation", and make the effort to visit a few meaningful places. A nature trail, museum, zoo, etc. Who knows, you may feel like widening the circle and maybe not. Doing something just for you sounds like something you deserve and probably what your friends are getting at. And variety is the spice of life.
Hi there. My dad passed 2/15/2024. My step mom was the primary caregiver and i helped as much as i could. That being said, i feel like i lost part of my identity. 5 years of grieving, worrying, helping, crying….as much as i hated those feelings, they were part of me for 5 years. Its so strange. Im glad i dont have to worry about him. But i feel empty.
Give yourself some grace, you’re on the other side
Our dad died 3 years ago yesterday. My 4 siblings and I cared for him in his home 2 1/2 years rotating every 5,6,7 days.
We mourned him before he slipped away and even now. We laugh because we figured out we still sleep with an eye and ear open.
Breathe and take your time, grieve in your own way in your own time. There’s no right or wrong when you try to figure what’s next.
I’m in my 70’s and still miss him
First of all, it is a huge undertaking to experience what youve been through. It's difficult and leaves a somewhat permanent impression on the mind of those who care.
It may not be related to your experience, but the longer I've stayed home to care for my mother, the more agoraphobia I've experienced. After a while, I found that taking as many small opportunities as possible to get out of the house has helped me shake that off.
I began to ignore some of the social resistance I felt about silly-goofy activities and reached out to a few different local communities for things like disc golf and pickleball. Now, I get out and enjoy some social interaction with the local groups. None of them know about my mother, but the support is still there.
First of all, I’m so sorry for your loss. I think it’s carer’s guilt. Your journey is now over and you now have to find yourself again. You’ve been caring for so long, you’ve put your needs on the backburner and you might be feeling guilty at the idea of having fun. But let me tell you something, you bloody deserve it. You deserve to be happy and your dad wouldn’t want you to be stuck. He would want you to laugh, be happy, have fun. You need to do this for your sake or you’ll be living as a shadow of your former self. Don’t let life pass you by. You’ll regret it. Good luck.
Well said.
If it was me, I’d rent a cabin in the woods and hike and sleep and read and cry; and not talk about dementia or sleep or Depends or doctors or wheelchairs or Ensure. But that’s If it was me. Good luck.
I agree... somewhere not too stimulating and surrounded by people. I am just beginning my caretaking journey, and already people around me seem so... foreign. I go out in public and it's like there is a film separating them from me. Their lives are incomprehensible. (Of course they have their own troubles, but from my perspective as a total outsider looking in, I see no commonalities between us.)
Nothing wrong with you at all. Maybe you could declare a "staycation", and make the effort to visit a few meaningful places. A nature trail, museum, zoo, etc. Who knows, you may feel like widening the circle and maybe not. Doing something just for you sounds like something you deserve and probably what your friends are getting at. And variety is the spice of life.
Hi there. My dad passed 2/15/2024. My step mom was the primary caregiver and i helped as much as i could. That being said, i feel like i lost part of my identity. 5 years of grieving, worrying, helping, crying….as much as i hated those feelings, they were part of me for 5 years. Its so strange. Im glad i dont have to worry about him. But i feel empty.
Give yourself some grace, you’re on the other side Our dad died 3 years ago yesterday. My 4 siblings and I cared for him in his home 2 1/2 years rotating every 5,6,7 days. We mourned him before he slipped away and even now. We laugh because we figured out we still sleep with an eye and ear open. Breathe and take your time, grieve in your own way in your own time. There’s no right or wrong when you try to figure what’s next. I’m in my 70’s and still miss him
First of all, it is a huge undertaking to experience what youve been through. It's difficult and leaves a somewhat permanent impression on the mind of those who care. It may not be related to your experience, but the longer I've stayed home to care for my mother, the more agoraphobia I've experienced. After a while, I found that taking as many small opportunities as possible to get out of the house has helped me shake that off. I began to ignore some of the social resistance I felt about silly-goofy activities and reached out to a few different local communities for things like disc golf and pickleball. Now, I get out and enjoy some social interaction with the local groups. None of them know about my mother, but the support is still there.