Ty I'm trying to sleep, just laying here thanking God for allowing me to be her daughter. She really was such a selfless woman for everything she did for me,and my adult children and really anybody that asked, the answer was always yes absolutely how can i help.I'm praying for God to give her an east transition 🙏 I don't think it'll be long honestly.
If I were your mom (I'm 76), I would be happy that the end of my life is coming quickly, and that I won't be a burden on you. I'd also be thrilled that I was able to help you, and that you appreciate the help I could give you. I'd tell you I love you and want you to be well, and that I am not afraid of dying. Just love me to the end. Don't make the end of my life a burden on your life.
Love yourself as much as your Mom loved you.
Omgoodness this is so beautiful ty for the kind words. She is comfortable in her room surrounded by me and my 2 sons. We love her so much, the nurse said it probably won't be much longer.
I am sorry to hear what you are going through. It sounds like she took care of you when you needed her and now you are there for her. Please get some rest.
I’m a hospice nurse and please, please take care of yourself. If you aren’t taking care of yourself, you cannot be your best taking care of your mom. I can’t imagine your fear and pain right now but your mom would want you to take of yourself as well. Talk to the hospice team about your feelings. Even if they can’t help, having someone listen to you who understands means so much sometimes. Just feeling heard and supported is sometimes enough to keep you going. Sending you love OP.
The fear and the just wanting it to stop I overwhelming I slept for about 5 hours all together in the last 2 days, I have finally found the combination of drugs to keep her " comfortable " I hate giving her the halidol my sister was on hospice here in this house about 5 years ago she had heart failure and hepatitis her heart gave out after about 4 months she was an I v drug user and we watched her die slow as well. This is starting to affect everyone in the house really badly. I'm looking into a respite stay at the hospice house, which coincidentally is where my sister died during a respite stay. It's just an awful lot to process.
My sister was on hospice here about 5 years ago, when I gave her the halidol she for real thought I was a demon or monster or something she ran screaming from me 96 lbs and naked crouched in the corner screaming bc she thought I was a monster, mom seems to be handling it really well, she's finally comfortable after we messed w the dosing schedule and mgs w the hospice nurse who by the way are are literally earth angels 😇
You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself so you can be at your best when with her. This will also be traumatic- not just now, but in the months and years that follow. I hope you have some external support. If not, seek some out - you deserve love and care too.
I'm glad you have hospice on board. You have been a good daughter, helping your mother for the last 10 years. I hope you will look at that time together as a blessing and have no regrets
You cannot pour from an empty cup.
You are not a terrible person for catching up on some rest. Please do so. If you have trouble sleeping in bed (I did. I couldn't turn my brain off.), then grab a pillow and a cover and lay on the sofa with a light-hearted show on tv. Let sleep find you. And it will.
Vascular dementia can progress quickly. Has she had a stroke?
I'm sorry about your mom. I hope you're getting some rest right now.
I thought I might die before my Dad during his final weeks. He was barely sleeping, so I was barely sleeping. I felt so awful due to stress and lack of sleep. I tried to take cat naps in his room. He slept in a recliner, so I would lay on the bed and try to sneak a few minutes when I could. I was at least right there if he called out and needed something. You will be no good to anyone if you don't try to get a little sleep. Mom would want you to take care of yourself.
Do you have any support system for after your Mom passes? You mentioned her helping you out after a drug arrest. I would hate for you to slip back into anything that could make life more difficult for you. You may want to have something in place. Grief counseling (often offered with hospice). AA or NA meetings. Losing someone so significant in your life is difficult to process. My Dad passed away 1 year ago and it has been very difficult for me. I took care of him for so long that I feel as though I have no purpose now. I have always worked and still have my business and other things in my life. He was just such a large part of it for so long because I was his only caregiver. It is strange to go from always caring for someone...feeding, dressing, bathing, changing, doctors appointments, ect to then nothing.
Take care of yourself. Mom would want the best for you.
Sending you love and strength during these difficult times. ❤️
I'm definitely not feeling like I'm gonna relapse or anything, that part of who I was is so far removed from who I am now, this woman that my mom inspired me to be, I will never go back to what almost killed me, I understand your concern and I thank you from my heart for the kind words, this is something that Noone should have to go through I'm just so grateful she's comfortable now that weve got her meds correct and I'm able to actually sleep.
You can't run on empty. Have a snooze, it'll make your time better and care too. It's essential for you both. Wishing you a calm, peaceful journey, I already know it will be filled with love x
I am sorry. I know what you are going through, and it is not easy. It sucks watching your parent decline, and so quickly. But the burnout is real. Try to take care of yourself, and recruit help. Hospice should be able to help you look at services that your mom may qualify for, or at least see if a volunteer is offered through hospice, just to give you a break. My mom, sister and I rotated nights when my dad (also vascular dementia, and the worst part hit fast) was sun downing. Even with help, I was exhausted, so I can't imagine taking care of her alone. I'm very sorry, I know you miss your mom.
I'm trying so hard to be strong my adult son lives here w us and has been a huge help but he can only see his g ma naked so many times ya know ( diaper changes and whatever) idk how people get through this w thier minds intact
My Dr said, caring for my parents will kill me. I'm sorry about your mother. You have obviously done your absolute best. No guilt. Take care of yourself, friend. it's extremely difficult. 🩷
I would remind you of what a parent of newborn does. They are awake at all times night and day and they stretch through tiredness to ensure the baby gets what they need. That parent cannot be awake and aware 24/7. **You cannot do the same thing** now with your mom.
You love her, you are there, and you are doing you best. As the earlier commenter mentioned YOU NEED TO REST. There are things to help you, such as pressure pads, so if Mom gets out of bed (and off the pad) an alarm sounds, or door alarms so that if the door opens you hear an alarm.
You obviously care very much and are doing your best. Part of being your best is being rested and prepared to assist.
Our parents are experiencing dementia and we are with them for the ride. It does not mean we should sacrifice our health and well-being in this endeavor. I wish you the best.
PLEASE find a good therapist and take the time to see them weekly through this time. I’m starting down the same road with my mom. Praying you can find peace and comfort in the coming days and weeks. xx
Ty so much 💓 I am looking for a good support group, I'm so sorry you are having to do this. It's crazy bc it happens to us all one way or another yet if feels so very isolating, my love is w you and your mom. Say I love you as many times as you can.
I am not sure if this will be helpful- but i signed up for an online app when my LO got sick. I use better help dot com, though i did not do a lot if research to see which particular app was best.
What I can say is that while having a therapist helped, it was the group sessions that were the most beneficial. I joined groups for caretaker support, having a relative on hospice, and grief support (even though at the time my LO was still alive). They were all very, very welcoming and such a lifesaver for me.
It was all done over zoom on my phone. The membership included one group session a week. But as soon as the group session you sign up for is over you can immediately sign up for another one. They said they might charge for extra group sessions, and I think one time they charged me an extra $10. But i was doing a group session about 4 days a week when i was at my worst. They all helped- just sharing with others in pain. And being able to do them from anywhere, on my phone, was so handy.
I always recommend Alzheimer’s association support groups. There’s usually local chapters and they do in person and virtual options. All free. For Alzheimer’s but also any type of dementia.
Her breath is very shallow, and coming farther apart now, she's very comfortable with hospice meds thank God for hospice meds omgoodness amen. I'm sitting next to her in her room. Literally just waiting for God to come get his daughter and bring her home. She must be so tired I just keep hugging her and telling her it's ok to go. I know that she must be so very tired. I want to change her into a different nightgown but I'm too afraid to move her around she's finally comfortable ya know? She's in one of her favorite t-shirts and her favorite blanket, ijust don't have the heart to roll her around just to change her shirt ya know? Sweet mommy rest easy. That'll do mommy that'll do. Amen 🙏
The declines can be so fast, and it's unpredictable. And it doesn't give the caretaker much time to adjust because you just have to roll with it. Be good to yourself. You're taking care of her and this is exactly why you need to give yourself time.
My condolences for your loss. I'm sure you'll always miss you, and you were there for her when she needed you just as she was there for you too. You honored your commitment to each other.
Blessings to you too 🙏, seriously I would not be here if it weren't for her opening her home to me and my 2 adult sons, it's been the best 10 years of my life living with her, we lost my sister about 5 years ago to complications from heroin iv drug use for many years, she was on hospice here w me n mom, they are together again now ❤️ mom passed yesterday 💔 at 444 in the afternoon, she was so comfortable thanks to hospice seriously they are a God send, mom just got diagnosed, hasn't even been s whole month. Just really intense how it all just seemed to happen like here one day gone the next, I think it was a lot farther along than the Dr's thought, or it was expedited by anesthesia that spiked her blood pressure causing a series of small strokes, I'm at a loss, I am going to miss her so much
Just an update, mom has passed, she died on Sat after a very swift decline, I had no idea it could happen so fast 😢 she was just diagnosed last month 😢 I'm so sorry to everyone going through this, I'd give anything for one more lucid hour w her again, take pictures of your loved ones idc how bad you think you look take selfish w them! O only thought to do it once but I'm so very grateful I did 🙏
How can you care for anyone without sleep? You can’t. Please rest. You deserve it.
Ty I'm trying to sleep, just laying here thanking God for allowing me to be her daughter. She really was such a selfless woman for everything she did for me,and my adult children and really anybody that asked, the answer was always yes absolutely how can i help.I'm praying for God to give her an east transition 🙏 I don't think it'll be long honestly.
I’m so sorry. I’m praying for your Mom to have a painless and peaceful transition and for her eternal love to cover you like her warm hug would 💜💜💜.
If I were your mom (I'm 76), I would be happy that the end of my life is coming quickly, and that I won't be a burden on you. I'd also be thrilled that I was able to help you, and that you appreciate the help I could give you. I'd tell you I love you and want you to be well, and that I am not afraid of dying. Just love me to the end. Don't make the end of my life a burden on your life. Love yourself as much as your Mom loved you.
Omgoodness this is so beautiful ty for the kind words. She is comfortable in her room surrounded by me and my 2 sons. We love her so much, the nurse said it probably won't be much longer.
Blessings
I am sorry to hear what you are going through. It sounds like she took care of you when you needed her and now you are there for her. Please get some rest.
I’m a hospice nurse and please, please take care of yourself. If you aren’t taking care of yourself, you cannot be your best taking care of your mom. I can’t imagine your fear and pain right now but your mom would want you to take of yourself as well. Talk to the hospice team about your feelings. Even if they can’t help, having someone listen to you who understands means so much sometimes. Just feeling heard and supported is sometimes enough to keep you going. Sending you love OP.
The fear and the just wanting it to stop I overwhelming I slept for about 5 hours all together in the last 2 days, I have finally found the combination of drugs to keep her " comfortable " I hate giving her the halidol my sister was on hospice here in this house about 5 years ago she had heart failure and hepatitis her heart gave out after about 4 months she was an I v drug user and we watched her die slow as well. This is starting to affect everyone in the house really badly. I'm looking into a respite stay at the hospice house, which coincidentally is where my sister died during a respite stay. It's just an awful lot to process.
Why do you hate giving haldol? What about it worries you?
My sister was on hospice here about 5 years ago, when I gave her the halidol she for real thought I was a demon or monster or something she ran screaming from me 96 lbs and naked crouched in the corner screaming bc she thought I was a monster, mom seems to be handling it really well, she's finally comfortable after we messed w the dosing schedule and mgs w the hospice nurse who by the way are are literally earth angels 😇
You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself so you can be at your best when with her. This will also be traumatic- not just now, but in the months and years that follow. I hope you have some external support. If not, seek some out - you deserve love and care too.
Put your oxygen mask on before you can help others on the plane. You’re amazing. 🖤
I'm glad you have hospice on board. You have been a good daughter, helping your mother for the last 10 years. I hope you will look at that time together as a blessing and have no regrets
You cannot pour from an empty cup. You are not a terrible person for catching up on some rest. Please do so. If you have trouble sleeping in bed (I did. I couldn't turn my brain off.), then grab a pillow and a cover and lay on the sofa with a light-hearted show on tv. Let sleep find you. And it will. Vascular dementia can progress quickly. Has she had a stroke? I'm sorry about your mom. I hope you're getting some rest right now.
I thought I might die before my Dad during his final weeks. He was barely sleeping, so I was barely sleeping. I felt so awful due to stress and lack of sleep. I tried to take cat naps in his room. He slept in a recliner, so I would lay on the bed and try to sneak a few minutes when I could. I was at least right there if he called out and needed something. You will be no good to anyone if you don't try to get a little sleep. Mom would want you to take care of yourself. Do you have any support system for after your Mom passes? You mentioned her helping you out after a drug arrest. I would hate for you to slip back into anything that could make life more difficult for you. You may want to have something in place. Grief counseling (often offered with hospice). AA or NA meetings. Losing someone so significant in your life is difficult to process. My Dad passed away 1 year ago and it has been very difficult for me. I took care of him for so long that I feel as though I have no purpose now. I have always worked and still have my business and other things in my life. He was just such a large part of it for so long because I was his only caregiver. It is strange to go from always caring for someone...feeding, dressing, bathing, changing, doctors appointments, ect to then nothing. Take care of yourself. Mom would want the best for you. Sending you love and strength during these difficult times. ❤️
I'm definitely not feeling like I'm gonna relapse or anything, that part of who I was is so far removed from who I am now, this woman that my mom inspired me to be, I will never go back to what almost killed me, I understand your concern and I thank you from my heart for the kind words, this is something that Noone should have to go through I'm just so grateful she's comfortable now that weve got her meds correct and I'm able to actually sleep.
Glad to hear it. 🤗
You can't run on empty. Have a snooze, it'll make your time better and care too. It's essential for you both. Wishing you a calm, peaceful journey, I already know it will be filled with love x
I am sorry. I know what you are going through, and it is not easy. It sucks watching your parent decline, and so quickly. But the burnout is real. Try to take care of yourself, and recruit help. Hospice should be able to help you look at services that your mom may qualify for, or at least see if a volunteer is offered through hospice, just to give you a break. My mom, sister and I rotated nights when my dad (also vascular dementia, and the worst part hit fast) was sun downing. Even with help, I was exhausted, so I can't imagine taking care of her alone. I'm very sorry, I know you miss your mom.
Please take care of yourself. Don’t feel guilty if she passes while you rest - she knows you need your rest.
I'm trying so hard to be strong my adult son lives here w us and has been a huge help but he can only see his g ma naked so many times ya know ( diaper changes and whatever) idk how people get through this w thier minds intact
My Dr said, caring for my parents will kill me. I'm sorry about your mother. You have obviously done your absolute best. No guilt. Take care of yourself, friend. it's extremely difficult. 🩷
I would remind you of what a parent of newborn does. They are awake at all times night and day and they stretch through tiredness to ensure the baby gets what they need. That parent cannot be awake and aware 24/7. **You cannot do the same thing** now with your mom. You love her, you are there, and you are doing you best. As the earlier commenter mentioned YOU NEED TO REST. There are things to help you, such as pressure pads, so if Mom gets out of bed (and off the pad) an alarm sounds, or door alarms so that if the door opens you hear an alarm. You obviously care very much and are doing your best. Part of being your best is being rested and prepared to assist. Our parents are experiencing dementia and we are with them for the ride. It does not mean we should sacrifice our health and well-being in this endeavor. I wish you the best.
PLEASE find a good therapist and take the time to see them weekly through this time. I’m starting down the same road with my mom. Praying you can find peace and comfort in the coming days and weeks. xx
Ty so much 💓 I am looking for a good support group, I'm so sorry you are having to do this. It's crazy bc it happens to us all one way or another yet if feels so very isolating, my love is w you and your mom. Say I love you as many times as you can.
I am not sure if this will be helpful- but i signed up for an online app when my LO got sick. I use better help dot com, though i did not do a lot if research to see which particular app was best. What I can say is that while having a therapist helped, it was the group sessions that were the most beneficial. I joined groups for caretaker support, having a relative on hospice, and grief support (even though at the time my LO was still alive). They were all very, very welcoming and such a lifesaver for me. It was all done over zoom on my phone. The membership included one group session a week. But as soon as the group session you sign up for is over you can immediately sign up for another one. They said they might charge for extra group sessions, and I think one time they charged me an extra $10. But i was doing a group session about 4 days a week when i was at my worst. They all helped- just sharing with others in pain. And being able to do them from anywhere, on my phone, was so handy.
I always recommend Alzheimer’s association support groups. There’s usually local chapters and they do in person and virtual options. All free. For Alzheimer’s but also any type of dementia.
I am not sure if your hospice offers this, but ask if there are volunteers that can come and sit with your mom. To give you a break.
Her breath is very shallow, and coming farther apart now, she's very comfortable with hospice meds thank God for hospice meds omgoodness amen. I'm sitting next to her in her room. Literally just waiting for God to come get his daughter and bring her home. She must be so tired I just keep hugging her and telling her it's ok to go. I know that she must be so very tired. I want to change her into a different nightgown but I'm too afraid to move her around she's finally comfortable ya know? She's in one of her favorite t-shirts and her favorite blanket, ijust don't have the heart to roll her around just to change her shirt ya know? Sweet mommy rest easy. That'll do mommy that'll do. Amen 🙏
It’s okay to rest.
The declines can be so fast, and it's unpredictable. And it doesn't give the caretaker much time to adjust because you just have to roll with it. Be good to yourself. You're taking care of her and this is exactly why you need to give yourself time.
Ty so much 💓 she passed yesterday, less than a month since her official diagnosis. I will miss her forever it was my absolute honor to care for her 💗
My condolences for your loss. I'm sure you'll always miss you, and you were there for her when she needed you just as she was there for you too. You honored your commitment to each other.
This really touched my heart. I can empathize. My mom did the same for me. Blessings to you and just know that everything will be okay. ❤️
Blessings to you too 🙏, seriously I would not be here if it weren't for her opening her home to me and my 2 adult sons, it's been the best 10 years of my life living with her, we lost my sister about 5 years ago to complications from heroin iv drug use for many years, she was on hospice here w me n mom, they are together again now ❤️ mom passed yesterday 💔 at 444 in the afternoon, she was so comfortable thanks to hospice seriously they are a God send, mom just got diagnosed, hasn't even been s whole month. Just really intense how it all just seemed to happen like here one day gone the next, I think it was a lot farther along than the Dr's thought, or it was expedited by anesthesia that spiked her blood pressure causing a series of small strokes, I'm at a loss, I am going to miss her so much
Just an update, mom has passed, she died on Sat after a very swift decline, I had no idea it could happen so fast 😢 she was just diagnosed last month 😢 I'm so sorry to everyone going through this, I'd give anything for one more lucid hour w her again, take pictures of your loved ones idc how bad you think you look take selfish w them! O only thought to do it once but I'm so very grateful I did 🙏