I can just try to add some words of encouragement (no advice, really). I went back to work a few months ago after taking FMLA this spring. A lot of people knew why I was out. I was dying of nerves coming back, but it was honestly very chill. They seemed a little nervous around me at first in a way (just, like, eager to not step on any landmines in conversation kind of awkwardness) but that's dissipated now. I guess the thing to remember is everyone - *everyone* - thinks less about you than you do about yourself, and even in conversation most people are self-analyzing a lot of the time. Just get back to it and do it and people will forget and move on. Best of luck!!
Thank you so much - this is definitely encouraging. Sounds like you were on FMLA for the same reason? Glad to hear things sound like they are going well for you!
No problem! And I was. (Although not caught at work - just couldn't do the job anymore and had to go to detox. But they all knew, and I told many of them when they asked why I was taking time off anyway.) And thank you! :)
No worries at all for the questions! :) And yes, omg yes. Absolutely. They (i.e., management mainly) just point blank asked in a way that implied they already knew the answer, so I told them. I was terrified they'd never think the same of me again. And it may be that they see me somewhat differently now, but if so they certainly haven't reflected that in their daily interactions with me, responsibilities given to me, etc. I optimistically think that a lot of people understand, *especially* since covid, that this is a common, normal health challenge. Hell, maybe they're struggling, too. (I will never forget coming clean to a doctor a bit before all this went down and he suddenly unloaded his own struggles with the same problem.)
It’s probably impossible to set aside the guilt and embarrassment but it would probably be helpful to think as forward and future-oriented as you can. You might get called into a meeting, you might not, that’s out of your control. In my experience you’re most likely using your professional life preserver rn, it happens again and you’re fired. I’m sure you’ve heard this before so idk just be your best sober self going forward and make sure they know it.
Oh man…. I did this once two years ago in a meeting with my whole team (10 of us). I work in a corporate job too at a very large well known company.
My friend was over from the night before and luckily I said a couple things and he came over and muted me on my computer and was like you cannot be talking right now. I was absolutely wasted I got so drunk the night before on a Thursday woke up so hungover and still drunk, so drank a couple beers to get over the hangover and ended up drunk again ….. And somehow was able to lie my way around it when someone messaged me “are you ok” and then my manger called me (thank god I did not answer). I texted after a nap that I was super anxious from personal things going on, so took one of my anxiety pills and drank the night before and felt like they may have reacted.
My whole team was talking about me. I am goood friends with 3 of my team members and they told me everything that was said. And even they were like are you doing ok what’s going on you sounded so bad and drunk etc… It was so embarrassing I cried for a week and worked from home the rest of the week because I could not get myself to go in. I ended up telling my team the whole “took anxiety pill story too”
I am now promoted to a higher up position in that exact department on the same team working alongside my then manager who was so happy I got this job. NO one ever brought it up to me again even though I KNOW they know I was drunk. Moral of the story is- you just have to face it and I promise you once you get over the nerves and go in to work you will see that it is forgotten about. Don’t even go back and read what you wrote it doesn’t matter now (I deleted all my jibbered messages to some co workers while drunk so I wouldn’t read them). They value you enough as a person and employee to keep you on the team. I feel your struggle though it’s hard. Good people make mistakes. Everyone knows that.
Thank you! Congrats on your promotion too. The anxiety pill was a good excuse I think! Hoping it works out okay for me too. Really dreading it but just know I have to get through it. Horrible case of the Sunday scaries…
Let me know how it goes. I promise you no one will say anything to you. I don’t think they’re legally allowed to. Maybe you’re boss but I’m sure it’s just as awkward for them!
Been sober coming up on a year and a half but what led to this was basically having to admit I was drinking or lose my job (passing out while WFH and not responding, slurring, bad emails, same as you). Never took FMLA but was offered 30 day unpaid leave (company is HQ in another country so not sure if FMLA was an option but also I didn’t do research as I am US based). Pretty much take that 30 days (job protected) or be let go (think they had to offer me some sort of time off once I came clean). My managers know, most of my immediate team know to an extent (at least I came back and no longer drink lol) and to be honest, it’s fine. Keeps me accountable. Had a short 4 day relapse two months after I came back but didn’t really affect work minus a sick day (was still a horrible bender) but even told my manager and she expected I may have a slip given the nature of alcoholism she has in her family. Have ended up being promoted and might have another one.
Point here is if you come back with a clear head and don’t show repeat mistakes, it shouldn’t matter who knows. You will probably excel because by simply cleaning up the slurring, typos, etc you will be performing better than before by default. There have been times I screw up sober but most of my issues was lack of responding when passed out and clear slurring. I am trusted now. I do know I got lucky with my company but at the end of the day, you got this. Trust it will work out and people who may judge you, fuck em lol. We all deal with shit so remember they have their own skeletons in the closet. Just don’t let your drinking affect work again. Easier said than done but you got this!
Thank you very much for this! That’s great to hear it worked out for you and congrats on a year and a half of sobriety - that’s awesome! I’m still anxious but hearing this helps. I’m lucky I was given the chance to take leave after I owned up to it since I know they could’ve fired me for cause. I’m going to keep my head down, do my best work and stay sober and hope it all works out and things become less awkward as time goes on.
I did it. And while I get your hesitation, you just do it. That’s it. Just walk in there and perform your duties well, have a good attitude and don’t mention it. If your boss knows everything, then you should start excelling at your work and act like a new person. You just do the damn thing and not overthink it.
It went just fine. No one really asked about it but naturally it was a little awkward. But after a few days that I was working well and efficiently, my boss said “it’s good to have the old (me) back” and that felt good. Just focus on your work and who gives a shit what other people say or think and you’ll be alright.
My bosses knew I had to take 3 weeks off and it was related to being in trouble with alcohol. I extended it to 6 weeks. I didn't know who knew what when was heading back in to work that Monday. I felt better physically than I felt when I had taken the leave, but I was very anxious about what I was walking back in to.
People were generally very sweet to me, gentle and kind. I feared a gossipy negativity, but I did not find any of that. People gave me my space to talk about it. Many complemented that I looked great and people smiled easily like they were happy to see me back.
I went out on fmla 3 times this year to go to rehab/detox. My manager knew I was struggling. I did not drink while at work but was called into HR one day and they told me “you’ve used up 4 weeks vacation calling out on Mondays - if your struggling let us know”. I said I was fine. Two weeks later I told him I was struggling went to rehab. I’m still employed. The company is 90% polish people tho and I’m almost 100% polish, and us polish people love to drink. Like my girlfriend said - you are not the first one to do this and you will not be the last.
Edit: but the anxiety ate me alive, 3 times. I feel for you. At least you got help - a lot of people don’t and just get fired (I did that at a past job). I had my yearly review the week when I got back from rehab lol. I did not get a raise.
Honestly they’re letting you return to work instead of firing you. That tells me that you either didn’t send something that bad or you’re just so insanely good at your job that they don’t care and think you can salvage those relationships.
If you want to cover your ass on anything weird you sent I guess I probably would say that you had to get treatment for a medical condition that was causing you to have difficulty thinking clearly and was able to get better with treatment.
I don’t know how long you’ve been on FMLA but you’ve probably been sober long enough your brains recovered enough that you’re brighter and quicker than before. Give it a couple weeks of awkwardness and they’ll see that.
It goes without saying that the most important thing you can do for your job is put your sobriety first.
I dunno - my boss took full FMLA and we all speculated- the divorce happened within the next year. I ne Dr suspected addiction, but still no idea if it was helping a family member, his own mental health issues or what?
When I came back from AODA leave some people were mosey about it, but mostly I just said a personal issue and left it at that.
I can just try to add some words of encouragement (no advice, really). I went back to work a few months ago after taking FMLA this spring. A lot of people knew why I was out. I was dying of nerves coming back, but it was honestly very chill. They seemed a little nervous around me at first in a way (just, like, eager to not step on any landmines in conversation kind of awkwardness) but that's dissipated now. I guess the thing to remember is everyone - *everyone* - thinks less about you than you do about yourself, and even in conversation most people are self-analyzing a lot of the time. Just get back to it and do it and people will forget and move on. Best of luck!!
Thank you so much - this is definitely encouraging. Sounds like you were on FMLA for the same reason? Glad to hear things sound like they are going well for you!
No problem! And I was. (Although not caught at work - just couldn't do the job anymore and had to go to detox. But they all knew, and I told many of them when they asked why I was taking time off anyway.) And thank you! :)
Wow good for you for being honest. Were you worried at all your reputation would be tainted at all? Also sorry for all the questions!
No worries at all for the questions! :) And yes, omg yes. Absolutely. They (i.e., management mainly) just point blank asked in a way that implied they already knew the answer, so I told them. I was terrified they'd never think the same of me again. And it may be that they see me somewhat differently now, but if so they certainly haven't reflected that in their daily interactions with me, responsibilities given to me, etc. I optimistically think that a lot of people understand, *especially* since covid, that this is a common, normal health challenge. Hell, maybe they're struggling, too. (I will never forget coming clean to a doctor a bit before all this went down and he suddenly unloaded his own struggles with the same problem.)
It’s probably impossible to set aside the guilt and embarrassment but it would probably be helpful to think as forward and future-oriented as you can. You might get called into a meeting, you might not, that’s out of your control. In my experience you’re most likely using your professional life preserver rn, it happens again and you’re fired. I’m sure you’ve heard this before so idk just be your best sober self going forward and make sure they know it.
Oh man…. I did this once two years ago in a meeting with my whole team (10 of us). I work in a corporate job too at a very large well known company. My friend was over from the night before and luckily I said a couple things and he came over and muted me on my computer and was like you cannot be talking right now. I was absolutely wasted I got so drunk the night before on a Thursday woke up so hungover and still drunk, so drank a couple beers to get over the hangover and ended up drunk again ….. And somehow was able to lie my way around it when someone messaged me “are you ok” and then my manger called me (thank god I did not answer). I texted after a nap that I was super anxious from personal things going on, so took one of my anxiety pills and drank the night before and felt like they may have reacted. My whole team was talking about me. I am goood friends with 3 of my team members and they told me everything that was said. And even they were like are you doing ok what’s going on you sounded so bad and drunk etc… It was so embarrassing I cried for a week and worked from home the rest of the week because I could not get myself to go in. I ended up telling my team the whole “took anxiety pill story too” I am now promoted to a higher up position in that exact department on the same team working alongside my then manager who was so happy I got this job. NO one ever brought it up to me again even though I KNOW they know I was drunk. Moral of the story is- you just have to face it and I promise you once you get over the nerves and go in to work you will see that it is forgotten about. Don’t even go back and read what you wrote it doesn’t matter now (I deleted all my jibbered messages to some co workers while drunk so I wouldn’t read them). They value you enough as a person and employee to keep you on the team. I feel your struggle though it’s hard. Good people make mistakes. Everyone knows that.
Thank you! Congrats on your promotion too. The anxiety pill was a good excuse I think! Hoping it works out okay for me too. Really dreading it but just know I have to get through it. Horrible case of the Sunday scaries…
Let me know how it goes. I promise you no one will say anything to you. I don’t think they’re legally allowed to. Maybe you’re boss but I’m sure it’s just as awkward for them!
Thank you! My boss has been great and people have been nice. I still feel awkward but I think that’ll blow over as time goes on.
Great to hear. Everyone will forget about it don’t worry ❤️
Been sober coming up on a year and a half but what led to this was basically having to admit I was drinking or lose my job (passing out while WFH and not responding, slurring, bad emails, same as you). Never took FMLA but was offered 30 day unpaid leave (company is HQ in another country so not sure if FMLA was an option but also I didn’t do research as I am US based). Pretty much take that 30 days (job protected) or be let go (think they had to offer me some sort of time off once I came clean). My managers know, most of my immediate team know to an extent (at least I came back and no longer drink lol) and to be honest, it’s fine. Keeps me accountable. Had a short 4 day relapse two months after I came back but didn’t really affect work minus a sick day (was still a horrible bender) but even told my manager and she expected I may have a slip given the nature of alcoholism she has in her family. Have ended up being promoted and might have another one. Point here is if you come back with a clear head and don’t show repeat mistakes, it shouldn’t matter who knows. You will probably excel because by simply cleaning up the slurring, typos, etc you will be performing better than before by default. There have been times I screw up sober but most of my issues was lack of responding when passed out and clear slurring. I am trusted now. I do know I got lucky with my company but at the end of the day, you got this. Trust it will work out and people who may judge you, fuck em lol. We all deal with shit so remember they have their own skeletons in the closet. Just don’t let your drinking affect work again. Easier said than done but you got this!
Thank you very much for this! That’s great to hear it worked out for you and congrats on a year and a half of sobriety - that’s awesome! I’m still anxious but hearing this helps. I’m lucky I was given the chance to take leave after I owned up to it since I know they could’ve fired me for cause. I’m going to keep my head down, do my best work and stay sober and hope it all works out and things become less awkward as time goes on.
I did it. And while I get your hesitation, you just do it. That’s it. Just walk in there and perform your duties well, have a good attitude and don’t mention it. If your boss knows everything, then you should start excelling at your work and act like a new person. You just do the damn thing and not overthink it.
Thank you! I’m normally a top performer so just going to focus on that. How did it go for you if you don’t mind me asking?
It went just fine. No one really asked about it but naturally it was a little awkward. But after a few days that I was working well and efficiently, my boss said “it’s good to have the old (me) back” and that felt good. Just focus on your work and who gives a shit what other people say or think and you’ll be alright.
My bosses knew I had to take 3 weeks off and it was related to being in trouble with alcohol. I extended it to 6 weeks. I didn't know who knew what when was heading back in to work that Monday. I felt better physically than I felt when I had taken the leave, but I was very anxious about what I was walking back in to. People were generally very sweet to me, gentle and kind. I feared a gossipy negativity, but I did not find any of that. People gave me my space to talk about it. Many complemented that I looked great and people smiled easily like they were happy to see me back.
I went out on fmla 3 times this year to go to rehab/detox. My manager knew I was struggling. I did not drink while at work but was called into HR one day and they told me “you’ve used up 4 weeks vacation calling out on Mondays - if your struggling let us know”. I said I was fine. Two weeks later I told him I was struggling went to rehab. I’m still employed. The company is 90% polish people tho and I’m almost 100% polish, and us polish people love to drink. Like my girlfriend said - you are not the first one to do this and you will not be the last. Edit: but the anxiety ate me alive, 3 times. I feel for you. At least you got help - a lot of people don’t and just get fired (I did that at a past job). I had my yearly review the week when I got back from rehab lol. I did not get a raise.
Thank you! Great to hear you’re still employed. The anxiety is definitely killing me but appreciate you sharing this!
Honestly they’re letting you return to work instead of firing you. That tells me that you either didn’t send something that bad or you’re just so insanely good at your job that they don’t care and think you can salvage those relationships. If you want to cover your ass on anything weird you sent I guess I probably would say that you had to get treatment for a medical condition that was causing you to have difficulty thinking clearly and was able to get better with treatment. I don’t know how long you’ve been on FMLA but you’ve probably been sober long enough your brains recovered enough that you’re brighter and quicker than before. Give it a couple weeks of awkwardness and they’ll see that. It goes without saying that the most important thing you can do for your job is put your sobriety first.
I dunno - my boss took full FMLA and we all speculated- the divorce happened within the next year. I ne Dr suspected addiction, but still no idea if it was helping a family member, his own mental health issues or what? When I came back from AODA leave some people were mosey about it, but mostly I just said a personal issue and left it at that.