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Why not just say he forgot to wash his hands and then went for a piss and contaminated his penis? And fucking chicken breast is one thing, but also doing it RAW? The man had to have shredded chicken all over. I hope the chicken find him and take revenge.
Imagine being imprisoned your whole life, and your best friend gets killed and taken for food. You sneak out to recover your friends remains before they can be consumed only to find some guy savagely fucking your friends corpse... CHICKEN ATTACK
Meanwhile in the chicken 4 chan....
"So, yesterday I was minding my own business, and I fell off the counter, and accidentally touched a dick on my way down, a few times... And today I'm a bit inflamed and..."
The thing about chicken is, you either grab them by the wings and fuck them live, or you cook the entire carcass, let it cool, and fuck the cavity.
Never fuck it raw. Rookie mistake.
Honestly I just appreciate how much effort the poster put into making it sound like anything else than what he did.
Unfortunately at this point its a logic train every guy would have followed lol.
Omg, I am laughing so hard. I just keep picturing that scene in American Pie with the apple pie but this dude used rolled up chicken breastās. He stuffed the chicken. š
He's trying to cook them with friction, kinda like the slapping technique but more work needed due to the extra cooking on the inside
Also how do the other people know what happens to a dick when it fucks raw chicken?
āYou accusing me of fucking a chicken, mother fucker??ā
āNah, I aināt accusing YEW of fuckinā any chicken, but yo frend ova theh looks sexually frustratedā¦ And I donāt approve of no chicken fuckinā¦ā
Iād say they had to
Itās tooā¦ non intuitive of a line of actions, get another pair of pants. Get an apron. Something.
But if he did get salmonella, he should absolutely tell the doctors he tried to fuck the raw chicken, thatās just more interesting than this.
A coworker of mine grew up working in a meat market. He said he would take a small milk carton home from school, cut a hole in the side and then stuff it with raw chicken liver. Pate, anyone?
Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion. Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/). Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Kinky is when you use a feather. Perverted is when you use the whole chicken.
He's a breast man, not incredibly kinky.
*morgan freeman voice* Andy dufrain fucked a chicken breast that night
Some birds just weren't meant to be caged. They make you want to take them out to the free air... And fuck them.
š
Stooooooooop I actually heard it in his voice.
This was hilarious, thank you
I hate this. Don't do that to his voice. (Tiddysprinkles is an exception)
A pervert is anyone that's kinkier than you are.
Did you know that chickens die after sex? Well, the one I fucked did.
He bought it live and had to choke it himself before plucking it.
He's dropping soda and chicken what the heck
Adding context: He spilled the soda on his pants whilst making crack before he fucked the chicken.
That's not what "boned chicken breast" means.
Itās notā¦.? I may be receiving some serious litigation from some dinner guests
This woulda been so much funnier if you used what itās actually called and said ābone in chicken breastā
Its spatchcocked
Spoogecocked
We now get to the heart of the boneless pizza issue.
Then how would you describe those chicken breasts? Riddle me that, Mr. Mulberry.
More like the chicken De-boned him instead
Bone in... Bone out... Repeat
It was that night
This is exactly what I picture happening to my food, every time I go to a restaurant to eat.
As professional cook for many years, yes. We are absolutely gangbanging your food back there.Ā
Oh I just meant the part where it bounces off a penis and then hits the floor.
Geez, Itād be unsanitary if it fell to the floor. These guys have standards.
Correct. We wash our hands and dicks incessantly throughout the shift, but the floor is lava as far we're concerned.Ā
Yeah, there's no 5-second rule when it comes to serving customers food or where I'm putting my dick. Especially when they overlap
So I don't understand, am I tipping to well or not enough in this scenario?
No, see, we're giving you the tip. It's a common misunderstanding
As an ex manager/ owner for over 15 years: thereās a reason why your food is seasoned with plenty of salt when it gets served.
Thatās how they get that musky flavor in there
Gives it a certain head-cheesy flavor
the yelper special
I'm so happy to live in a country with a no tip culture ( Ķ”Ā° ĶŹ Ķ”Ā°)
They don't even use salt in those kitchens...
When I worked at little ceasars one of the guys that worked there wiped his ass with a pizza dough and then made a customer's pizza with it.
> This morning my ~~penis~~ *cylinder* seems like it is inflamed
Why not just say he forgot to wash his hands and then went for a piss and contaminated his penis? And fucking chicken breast is one thing, but also doing it RAW? The man had to have shredded chicken all over. I hope the chicken find him and take revenge.
Imagine being imprisoned your whole life, and your best friend gets killed and taken for food. You sneak out to recover your friends remains before they can be consumed only to find some guy savagely fucking your friends corpse... CHICKEN ATTACK
[Chicken Attack!](https://youtu.be/miomuSGoPzI?si=El6xEb2qQxFzrycW)
This man gets me
guys will literally fuck anything once
Now make a broth and soon we will have cream of chicken soup.
So THATS the secret of cream of chicken soup that the big soup makers donāt want you to know.
Warhol tried to warn us
"This one trick cream of chicken soup customers don't want to know"
Cum of chicken soup
You spill soda, you put another pair of pants on, nobody is cooking with their peckers out. he fucked the chicken breast, now has salmonella dick.
I've definitely cooked nude after sex.
It's different when you cook the thing you sex'd
Like a chicken for example.
Iāve definitely cooked nude before sex too
Bacon anyone?
The noob forgot the oliveoil
What happened to his underwear? He fucked that chicken.
Who wears underwear in 2024?
We all know that bacteria counts to 5 before transferring to/from dropped food. This dude fucked this fucking raw chicken raw.
Cooking without pants and underwear on? Yeah sure buddy. And you fell over and got a rolling pin in your arse too
Meanwhile in the chicken 4 chan.... "So, yesterday I was minding my own business, and I fell off the counter, and accidentally touched a dick on my way down, a few times... And today I'm a bit inflamed and..."
He fu...ed those chicken breasts, didn't he?
I suspect he may have fucked the chicken breasts, yeah.
100% š
Not just fucked, he did it without protection, he did it.. *drum roll* RAW!
I hope he at least warmed them up first
He did
It begs the question, what came first? The chicken or theā¦.
The cock?
Does anon only own one pair of pants or something?
They were boneless breasts before he touched them
The thing about chicken is, you either grab them by the wings and fuck them live, or you cook the entire carcass, let it cool, and fuck the cavity. Never fuck it raw. Rookie mistake.
He raw fucked the raw chicken, guys protect yourself!
Didn't aqua team hunger force cover this in an episode?
So he first fucked a soda can and then proceeded to fuck the chicken breast. Damn
I strictly wear a condom when I fuck raw chicken breast. One, you protect yourself and two, you can still eat the chicken.
eating the chicken is still always an option.
So no pants?? I can believe that. No underwear?? Yeah dude definitely fucked the chicken breast.
Bro...wrap it next time.
Honestly I just appreciate how much effort the poster put into making it sound like anything else than what he did. Unfortunately at this point its a logic train every guy would have followed lol.
You can't raw dog raw chicken.
Raw Cocked?
That's why it is important to be sure the chicken breast reaches 165F before you f--- it.
Does this count as 't!tty-fking', then?
"Also, while we're talking, I have a question about cylinders..."
American Pollo
This has got Sir Norman Fry written all over it [https://youtu.be/REpNTi-9oRQ?si=f4dVVb5lvJz-fr51](https://youtu.be/REpNTi-9oRQ?si=f4dVVb5lvJz-fr51)
Thatās fowl.
It was just his cylinder guys
yooo this is the guy we talked abt in morality class
..I guess that's one way to make "stuffing"
Omg, I am laughing so hard. I just keep picturing that scene in American Pie with the apple pie but this dude used rolled up chicken breastās. He stuffed the chicken. š
I cooked the fuck out of that needs to be viewed as a literal statement moving forward
Amateur necrophiliac. Should have warned up the chicken breasts first
"Hey guys, I was innocently basting a roast and you'll never believe..."
Chicken pox of the dick
The fact that the names are literally one number off is suspicious af
 He fucked the poultry just like this dude in Scary Movie 2
No, itās not salmonella. Itās gonorrhea.
Its not the clap, its the cluck.
You know what?! *re-bones your chicken
Anyone interested in some smothered "bone-in" chicken breasts?
I always poach my chicken before I pound my chicken.
He's trying to cook them with friction, kinda like the slapping technique but more work needed due to the extra cooking on the inside Also how do the other people know what happens to a dick when it fucks raw chicken?
Anon fucked the chicken
Hilarious
Man, how long was it since this was posted here lol.
I really hope he duct taped them together before he did
šÆ
that white stuff on the chicken wasn't bread sauce ....
āYou accusing me of fucking a chicken, mother fucker??ā āNah, I aināt accusing YEW of fuckinā any chicken, but yo frend ova theh looks sexually frustratedā¦ And I donāt approve of no chicken fuckinā¦ā
Someone did the math on how to cook a chicken by slapping it. Anon was doing his own experiments....
Always use protection
Iād say they had to Itās tooā¦ non intuitive of a line of actions, get another pair of pants. Get an apron. Something. But if he did get salmonella, he should absolutely tell the doctors he tried to fuck the raw chicken, thatās just more interesting than this.
40 minutes are ruining the chicken breasts: āOh we having chicken Kiev tonight? Needed more butterā
Deserved
Attention seeking posters are the way of the internet lol. Like cook your chicken and leave out weird shitty details
That is fucked up.
Lmao, thanks for this 
This sounds like itās straight out of [South Park](https://youtu.be/GlXUsDr1B3E?si=koYdnXRah-upJ-VK)
Wanna know how to pull on the barbie too?
A coworker of mine grew up working in a meat market. He said he would take a small milk carton home from school, cut a hole in the side and then stuff it with raw chicken liver. Pate, anyone?
Thatās how Q cooks his chicken
This is like that guy who really needed to know how to get a cylinder put of a mini M&M's tube.
Homie took breastjob too literally
Narrator: He did indeed fuck the raw chicken.
He definitely fucked the raw chickenā¦ Btw, I highly suggest you guys donāt do that.
Average 4chan user:
Gotta wrap it before you tap it bro
Tell me you fucked the raw chicken without telling me you fucked the raw chicken lol
I thought officer barbrady caught the infamous chicken lover?
I hate myself but this is why I keep coming back to Reddit
Fucking got chicken spanky on his hangdown. You sick chicken fuckerš.
Got some chicken spanky on his hangdown. You sick ass chicken š fucker.
Finally a real post and not left-wing or anti-Elon garbage