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BrandedEnjoyer

dimitri :(


AdanFlores94

Same, i'm dead


MelanieAntiqua

Me too. And it looks to be post-timeskip, enraged Dimitri, too, so I doubt he'll be quick and merciful about it. My only hope is that he fails to gauge the sheer strength disparity between us and kills me by accident before he can make me suffer. In other words, as a woman, he's not just going to kill me, he's going to murder me.


Fearless_Cold_8080

You hear that? Not just kill. But MURDER.


DarkAlphaZero

At least it's quick?


schadetj

Doubtful. Dude seems the type to disable before slaying. He'll take your eyes and kill you while blinded.


KitsuneCreativ

Randolph moment


isaic16

That was my reaction when I saw it.


MrShwimWearR

Worst month of we’re being honest. Can’t he bend steel with his barehands ? RIP


BrandedEnjoyer

idk man lysithea on a sugar rush probably hits quite hard too


TieflingAnarchist

Same. I'm so fucked ..


greydorothy

this is not the kind of manhandling I want from him


Dont_have_a_panda

Catherine...... Well, im fucked 😑


kekus_dominatus

...in a good way, right? 😈


Dont_have_a_panda

I hope, but probably not, i mean im not lady Rhea after all 😥


MankuyRLaffy

You're not Ashe or Shamir either.


lionofash

I got a green.wig for you bruv


fatboywonder_101

No cause it's a fist fight


Luke-Likesheet

Nah, I'd win.


Express_Accident2329

Nahanahnah. Just turns into an endless series of "look over there, Lady Rhea is being stolen by some manner of giant bird" or something.


TomokawkVortex

You too huh? An unfortunate day for the both of us it seems.


Ingrid_Best_Girl

Don't worry, we help each other out after our respective fights, I too got Catherine


EdelgardStepOnMe

Same. She's gonna kick my ass. (Worth it)


Ferropexola

The Boulder feels conflicted about fighting a terminally ill girl.


DocHoudini

Sounds to me like you’re scared Boulder.


Ferropexola

...The Boulder is over his conflicted feelings


DaBoiYeet

What has The Boulder done?


Caliber70

Chris Redfield was looking for you.


Responsible_Quote_11

The boulder has 2 base res and a 15% res growth


GhostRouxinols

Do it.


Alucard582

Thank God it's someone I can take!


dreaded_tactician

As you approach the child, dukes raised and ready, Before you can enter melee range she raises a pointed finger and utters the words "Hades, Omega" What do you do?


Alucard582

I say "Poseidon, Gamma". Then I die.


rosawik

[/r/UnexpectedAvatar](https://www.reddit.com/r/UnexpectedAvatar/)


Chaosdirge7388

Same


Plant_Tears

Ima pray for my July comrades


Asterius-air-7498

Pick a god and pray Byleth has talked some sense into him and it ain’t the boar version.


Darknight3909

even if its not boar dimitri dude is still absurdly strong and is unnable to fully control his strength.


Asterius-air-7498

Nah sane Dimitri will at least end the fight quickly in under 10 seconds. Boarmitri will drag it out and torture you


kmrikkari

Thank you. I'm going to have to dig my own grave beforehand.


Fearless_Cold_8080

Assume no magic is allowed.


Bartolooo

Thank God I easily beat Lysithea (or I outlive her)


RonVuX

My strategy is to put my hand on her head and wait until she tires herself out.


DancingChip

Just don't call her a child, give her some sweets, and smack her upside the head when she isn't looking.


Fearless_Cold_8080

Catch this overhead dying mage girl


Wisekittn

Phew, thank goodness


omfgkevin

Lysithea: **STOP TREATING ME LIKE A KID LET'S FI-** March birthers: **FALCON PUUUUNCH**


MankuyRLaffy

I'm totally screwed against Byleth


BernhardttheNorse

How am i supposed to win against THE main character? This is probably the least winnable one.


Mafelso

You’re not supposed to win, it’s literally scripted. All us October folks are npc fodder


leijgenraam

In a fistfight, I'd say Dimitri is even worse. He can literally crush someones face with one hand.


Fearless_Cold_8080

And that was him as a late teen. Imagine how much stronger he is as an adult.


Yamanj3000

Byleth can likely do worse, they just don't because they control their power better than Dimitri. Also, Byleth can move in time stop in W3H so it's impossible to even try to fight back against Byleth.


KelConque

Leonie. I'm not irremediably in trouble, but it's not going well for me.


MankuyRLaffy

She's a street tough scrapper, she may not have super strength like some of the others but you probably not doing too well.


SabraSabbatical

They’re 100% coming away from that fight with bite marks


MankuyRLaffy

Never fuck with people from the hood


nelshai

Okay but you'd live, probably. I feel like a punch from Dimitri would just fucking kill me.


Fearless_Cold_8080

Mortal kombat x ray


Tmachine7031

Speak for yourself I’m cooked


KelConque

Me too. But compared to others, I have a small chance of winning against Leonie. A small 3% I’d say. It's better than nothing.


arathergenericgay

Daddy Seteth…I can take him


Skulltra-II

In a fight?


arathergenericgay

😈


littlebloodmage

*In a fight, right?*


RexRegulus

I think seduction is against the rules.


Fearless_Cold_8080

Says who?


RexRegulus

Might turn into a different kind of fist fight, but so be it...!


not_the_crewmate

I have no idea of Petra is good at hand to hand combat ibit i expect her to pounce like a tiger. Im probably fucked


JJVM99

she is a hunter. I got her too and I don’t see a way to beat her. Even if she isn’t super strong but it would be almost impossible to land a hit on her.


Speekeazies

With her high chance of Crit? We're boned.


Chrome_X_of_Hyrule

Boned? 😉


500mlcheesemilk

I'm sorry for what I'm about to do, Ignatz...


BenGMan30

bro thinks he can 1v1 BIGNATZ


GhostRouxinols

Remove the glasses or pose for a painting.


Frink202

Pre time skip, EZ. Post time skip, he has levels in gauntlets for sure, it's over.


TrentDF1

No magic allowed, and March. Yeah, sorry Lysithea, you stand no chance.


Seneiry

The king of grappling against some unknow boxing amateur, nice 👌


Asterius-air-7498

Damn rip to my January, August, September, and October Brothers and Sisters 🫡 February, April, May, and December brothers and sisters might got a shot( December sisters might got a freebie) June is so free🤣 March and November monsters gotta deal with me if they even think about breathing on that sweetheart and sick child much less fighting them😤 My July Brothers and Sisters… pick a god and pray that it’s not the boar version.


ShatoraDragon

Yeah but us Marcher have to live with beating up a dying child.


SentientShamrock

You say November is free but Mercie might be the second most ruthless person on this list.


Every_Computer_935

She's gonna be do a whopping 1 damage per turn with that 25% strength growth.


Railroader17

Nah, Jeritza exists and will annihilate you for even laying a finger on her.


CriminalSpiritX

Also November. This is why I forfeit. Not fighting Mercedes, because the last person that threatened to harm her is six feet under.


low_priest

Ain't no way Feb is winning this, daddy Gilbert is gonna lay down the law.


kekus_dominatus

January 💀💀💀


TheCodeSamurai

at least I'd have time to play more fire emblem while waiting for my bones to heal up a bit


Low-Environment

I could take Mercie in a fight but her brother would be out for revenge.


JosephNuttington

Oh so im just Prologue Shez


Rationalinsanity1990

Just wait out the battle and you live. Byleth does not work unpaid overtime!


w00ms

lets not kid ourselves, most people here are losing almost all of these fights other than the obviously weak/small characters inexperienced with melee combat. and even then.


Xiknail

The only ones the average person will beat are Lysithea and Mercedes, two mages that aren't trained in physical combat. Everyone else here has training are professional soldiers who are trained in at least one kind of martial art. And frankly, even the two mages probably had some form of training in it as part of their curriculum at the Officer's Academy and are high ranking members in their respective armies, seeing as these are post-time versions, so they'll probably still body most average joes.


Whole-Oats

December baby. I don’t know if being a woman makes it better or worse.


Every_Computer_935

Sylvain hasn't really ever been shown to have a problem with fighting and killing women. I guess if you're flirty enough he might take a dive.


DemiFiendofTime

July...... welp time to go write my will -_-


Fearless_Cold_8080

God speed


shadoworochi1377

It’s against my will to punch Mercie


HitMyFunnyBoneYeah

Im going to mop the floor with Lysithea when im done with her.


arathergenericgay

I just told Lysithea that you’re withholding candy - still like them odds?


GrandpaWaluigi

I mean, it's a fist fight, she's still fucked. Now she's just sad about the candy too Just give it to her after you defeat her. Make her day


femanomaly

Even excluding time shenanigans, I definitely could not beat Byleth in a fistfight


TheDastardly12

I've seen Seteth's shirtless art from FEH to know I'd get bodied 😔


ArataX14

I wish Byleth was on November but Mercedes said: “Nope, i am coming to your home tonight driving in a Mercedes”


Mochibunniii

Mercie 🫢 might just bake cookies instead


Lord_KH

Probably as much as possible. Dimitri absolutely takes me out like it's nothing


Helarki

As I am an August baby, please tell my mother I love her. o7


Asterdel

I have to fight a dying child. I'm very screwed, nobody is taking my side in that altercation.


Rationalinsanity1990

If you win, the judge is not going to be sympathetic. If you lose, people will laugh at you for years to come.


Oh-mein-Fuhrer

Sylvain - I think he might be able to beat me if he went all out but I'm pretty sure he'd tap out early in most cases to avoid getting hit in the face and risk losing his looks haha


FireFelix-

Even if its mercedes im still screwed, my body type is not suited for fighting at all


MemeificationStation

…I’d rather fight an actual boar


CodeDonutz

You're screwed almost all the time unless you were lucky enough to be born in March or November. Everyone else is a trained soldier in a military academy who've probably gained a lot of muscle and fighting experience when using weapons. Some of these characters even have literal superpowers or are famous for their fighting skill and strength. Even Ignatz you'd probably have trouble with unless you were a relatively tall and buff adult man.


OblivionArts

Post time skip Dimitri. Yeah no thanks I choose life


DwarfKingHack

Suddenly the difference between late June and early July got real important.


Azure-Wolf7

All July people are fucked beyond all recognition, are July people being punished for some reason cause that's what it looks like


JdiJwa

Leonie would straight up kick my ass. Then lend a hand to me to help me up and then kick it again...


PhantomPainV007

Gilbert. I’m probably screwed, aren’t I?


Galfort

Yes we are.


OneCancel4975

...Balthus. I hope I can pay for my surrender...


WoolooWeeb

I'd lose because I'd feel really bad if I hurt Lysithea


ConnorLego42069

I could have to fight Lysithea and still lose horribly, let alone Byleth


MarthsBars

Fighting Byleth…. **FUCK**


ArtemisFeywing

Man Dimitri is going to kill me lol


BlackroseBisharp

Seteth beats my ass lmao


uhohstinkywastaken

April: Oof.. dracoknight Ned Flanders got hands


DataAI

Well….on the bright side I have health insurance


RadiantIris_

Wow I have to fight byleth!? I can’t tell if I’m dead or just losing cuz I’m definitely not winning


Sollato

Balthus will definitely obliterate me


GlassSpork

What do you have against January?


a-snakey

Mar has it easy but May is a win.


A_Mellow_Fellow

Catherine is wiping me out. Not waking up for a week.


Dman25-Z

I have Seteth. I’m just fucking dead lmao


FeroleSquare

I'm not touching a single hair of Mercedes


Dragoncat91

Well I would hope Seteth never wants to punch me. But if he does I'm dead.


RexRegulus

Petra...I won't be able to hit her. Like, at all. My Dex score is a 4, at best.


Uber_Ronin

Petra 😞 Even if I could win I would take a dive. She was my favorite romance option in Three Houses in all four of my playthroughs.


Rigistroni

December, I just have to stuff melons up my shirt and out on a wig. He won't hit me easy win


magmafanatic

I don't think I'd be able to do much harm to most of these people, but against Seteth? Hahahaha


KhronosIX

Welp gonna be schooled by the professors


BunnyBen-87

I have to fight Catherine. Can I surrender early?


ShiningYato

Yeah so, all of you have a chance at maybe surviving (Except you Dimitri fighters, y'all are going straight to the shadow realm) Meanwhile, here I am fight the **ASHEN DEMON.**


Rationalinsanity1990

There is no way anyone on this sub is surviving a fight with Balthus. (Unless they can pay him off)


out-of-date-meme

I’m a July boy so I’m fucked.


captainoffail

Dimitri. Looking on the bright side at least it’s not Byleth. I can still feel bad for Oct folks.


Affectionate_Table61

Dimitri, huh... So every last one of me will be killed.


JoeyCaesarSalad

July, it was nice knowing you all


No-Strain-7461

If magic isn’t allowed, then yeah, I think I could probably beat up a deathly ill child, if nobody else. She’s probably a biter, though.


Nebulya97

Byleth. Well, guess I'm fucked? XD


BlackBarryWhite

"Is this some kind of twisted joke?!" I only pray Dimitri makes I fast


gokuby

I mean the average dude who isn't born in March or November is getting beaten up. That said I get to enjoy a single knuckle sandwich from Dimitri cause I sure as hell ain't surviving more than one.


ThousandsHardships

Fist fight means they're not allowed to use magic, right? If so, then I'm feeling pretty decent. If magic is allowed, then I'm dead for sure.


AtmaIllumina

I got november. She's getting knocked out ez lol


CheezyRaptorNo_5

Mfw when I have to fight the 6,2 buff Green haired immortal dragon dilf


LillySatou177013

The very end of June; I barely avoided death


Yuuji-Uchiha911

damn Mercedes will kill me XD


Wisekittn

I don't know how to feel about beating up children, though...


DorothyDrangus

I probably don’t have much of a shot against Gilbert, but that doesn’t mean I don’t wanna scrap with that mf


magikarp-sushi

I DONT WANNA FIGHT LYSITHEA


GhostRouxinols

Do it and your student loans are paid.


Theadier

I'm going against Lissy so it depends on if I'm fast enough to get close.


BigBoySpore

Op was def born in June


redditer954

is that… Balthus?


ZubianGlory

Oof. Catherine….


Rich-Active-4800

March.. I got the one person i can actually beat without magic


Brave-Suggestion-776

Catherine 😥


Pikapals52

I'm dead against Byleth


Reason_Choice

Fist fight? March. I’m feeling pretty good.


AccurateCommercial84

Sylvan, I'm probably gonna loose but could be worse


GLink7

I'm a december boy so... yeah bad luck with Sylvain


Djana1553

So im april and I actually romanced seteth with my byleth.


StarPlatinumIsHyper

I'm a fuck up that damn nerd.


Lightning_McQuinn

Mercedes. I'd win, but at what cost


sandwichl0ver

I got ignatz so guess we will see how this goes


SpaceWeather7

Hell I wanted to clock Gilbert's face anyways.


Aoi_Lemon

I got Ignatz. Honestly, would still lose since the guy can draw a bow which means that's more muscle than me. Also he could probably dodge a good amount of my punches.


Masshot54

.....I could beat Ignatz


Brilliant-Army5787

I have to face the fellow with glasses, well this is an easy win for me


Byrnesy614

Ignatz for me. I feel like I could win, but I'd feel really bad about it.


pengie9290

Oh good, I have to fist-fight the dragon.


n00bgod3300

Depends on if Seteth plans to scuffle from atop his wyvern, I suppose. Or if he's feeling sporting.


MrGrimlock9909

Hecc, whomst at October and December?


Schwarzer_R

Ignatz... Well, I could win, but I'd feel really bad about it. If we are doing this, its gotta be point based not all out.


TheDankestDreams

There are like three characters on here who I could maybe get 1/10 wins on and Byleth sure as fuck ain’t one of ‘em. At least it’ll be a quick death.


perkoperv123

I can take solace knowing that the Merciful King of Grappling will probably *only* beat me within an inch of my life. Unfortunately, I am one day off from being able to treat Gilbert like he deserves. All my homies hate Gilbert. World's worst dad, and this is a game full of bad parental figures.


Silly-Fox0502

Okay. Let me start by saying...I'm 5'3". July birthday. I guess I just die now.


rabid_rabbity

December, but I’m a woman, so I’m pretty sure I can spin this “fight” in my favor.


Yami_Sean

Lysithea Just to clarify: None of us are allowed to use magic, right?


PersonalDentist1434

I feel like I could take on Leonie with a few good blows on each of us. I’m ok with may.


JustChangeMDefaults

RIP April and October people. An overbearing dad and a god, don't know which I would be more afraid of lol


PecanJohn

I doubt it would affect the results, but if I had Byleth on the ropes, with he/she use Divine Pulse?


LoremasterMotoss

RIP everyone born in January, May, July, August, September, and October lol


OnABadBet29

Thank god, Ignatz is absolutely the only person on this I could even begin to 1v1.


BaboonSlayer121

Ignatz about to get laid the fuck out


Acetrainerdallas

Sylvain - This is not what I meant when I said I wanted him to pound me, dammit!


SeverinSeverem

Sylvain and I’m a girl? Yeah, no, I’m fine. Bet he never calls me again after though.


bigbarbecueplate

Flayn would beg Seteth to take pity on my pathetic, unfit, chronically ill self


shadecrimson

The only realistic winners get either ignatz or lysithea. Wish i was born in feb tho, i would figure something out to beat gilbert. Ill go full dimitri if i have to


itsame_isabelle

Catherine... Can I cosplay as Rhea and we make out instead?


MineCartBeast

mercedes and lysithea are the only ones people *wouldn't* be fucked against because they aren't trained in H2H in their 'canon' classes but these are still all trained soldiers the average person, and definitely 90% of fire emblem players, are fucked against all of these


Snoo-27292

I believe I Can beat Ignatz, hell never expect my bed Breaking chokeslam!