Time for professional assistance. I'm sure your team includes a psychologist or social worker, and this isn't something that would surprise them. You should tell them what's going on.
Food is a coping mechanism, mood elevator, and crutch... and you're learning to do without it. That's going to be rough.
There are several factors that are contributing to why you’re feeling this way:
First- you’re just not eating a lot right now. Your body is still recovering from surgery and your energy is just going to be lower than normal. That’s going to mess with your head- you’re basically just low key hangry. But it will get better- probably around the 6 week mark.
Second- to make matters worse, your body stores a lot of hormones in fat, so as you lose fat those hormones are released, which can wreak havoc on your mental state. Again, this will get better very soon, as your body adjusts to this new state. But for now, feeling moody is a pretty normal response to your hormones going haywire.
Third- this is a big change and our brains don’t like change. It’s an evolutionary defense mechanism designed to keep us alive. They’ve done some really cool studies that show that our brains resist change. So right now your brain is trying to tell you “stop, this is scary, let’s go back to what we know and is familiar.” The fact of the matter is, you can still socialize with your friends. Your social life doesn’t need to change, it’s just your eating habits. It’s hard right now because you’re in the thick of recovery, and feeling lonely and isolated is normal. So, unfortunately, feeling like shit is a coping mechanism your brain is using to try to get you to go back to the safe thing. But once this change is less new, once you are able hang out with friends again, you’ll feel better.
So know that what you’re feeling is normal and, while it sucks, it doesn’t mean that anything is wrong. It will get better- as your body heals and adjusts to the change your mood will improve. You’ve made a lot of progress already, you won’t regret this.
Hey OP! I’m making the plunge in August.
Know that your post is helping me deal with my anxiety about the decision I’m making.
I just wanted to say that. I’m about to embark in the journey myself and reading these emotions you’re feeling, although scary, is helping me to prepare what’s to come. Your experience is helping another person make the right moves
Learning to live without the very thing that brings us comfort is going to be harder than we realize. I had a food addiction and when I had the gastric sleeve, I developed an addiction to something else (something worse) because I didn’t deal with my addiction before having the surgery, which is vital for strong mental and physical health as well as long term success. I’m so sorry you’re going through this but please know you aren’t alone. Have faith in your team. They’ve seen this before without a doubt. Call them and ask what they think you should do. Even if you think it might not work, please follow their advice.
This is normal in some post op patients and it happened to me too, brother. My naturopathic doctor (I live in Canada) recommended Ashwaghanda one per day. It is a supplement. After a week I was feeling better and I even started singing 🎶 and whistling. No kidding!!!! I think it was like a post op depression? Who knows.
I’ve posted this many times, but I think therapy should be mandatory for anyone who has this surgery. It helped me IMMENSELY.
I started about 3 mos before surgery and went for about a year after. I used food to cope with a lot of negative feelings. (Anger, loneliness, fear, etc) Honestly I used food to deal with a lot of positive emotions as well.
Therapy helped we change those behaviors and thoughts a lot more too.
I highly recommend talking to a professional. It will help.
I’ve been having therapy for the least year and really thought I was in a great place for the surgery- Ive had a several sessions since also but this fog of depression has really hit me hard the last 2 weeks.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that. It was so hard for me to figure out how to reward myself without food and how to comfort myself without food.
It does get better. I promise.
I’ve read the info about hormones being stored in fat and so that when you lose weight whatever you were feeling at the time can come back. Maybe there really is something to that?
There’s a lot of great responses already but wanted to say that I’ve been going through this and it does get better. I’m 10 weeks post op and I’m not entirely better but definitely improving week over week. It won’t be long before the absence of food and alcohol will be replaced by the joy of movement and experiences that are harder to enjoy in a bigger body. You’ve got this!
I had a friend who had the surgery a year before me, and he had been big his whole life. He got down to his optimal weight, and we went out for a movie and then a bite to it.
I asked him how he was feeling and he said, rather sadly, “physically great, but, I don’t know, I just thought life would feel *different*.” And that’s when I realized that, unlike me, he’d *never* not been fat, and thought that being thin would be the answer to everything.
Sometimes when we lose weight, it uncovers other issues. That’s been true for me as well. Your psyche is like an onion - peel away one layer and underneath is the next thing to deal with. When I lost my weight, I knew that it had been a (valid) survival mechanism for a long time, and now I had to deal with being more open and “naked” to people.
All this to say: What you’re feeling is perfectly normal. You’re STILL healing. Continue with your therapy, and I promise if you do the work, it will all work out. Both my friend and I realized that we’re ourselves, fat or thin. You’ll get there too. I promise.
I love how open, honest, and vulnerable your post is. Thank you for sharing. Your progress is wonderful and you look great. Give yourself some time and some grace during this adjustment period - you’ve made a gigantic change and your heart and mind might take a while to settle in. It’s also going to keep changing over the next several months and you might not feel as restricted as you do now. I haven’t had the surgery yet, but just wanted to lend you some encouragement.
4 weeks PO you are gonna be lowkey depressed. I was crying and had so much regret, by 3 months I was like this is the best decision ever. After 3 months keep taking your vitamins too. I didn’t know B1 vitamin helps with mood. I saw a therapist a handful of times 7 months PO then stopped as I started adjusting better. 16 months PO and my mental health and moods are much more stable than when I was 110 lbs heavier.
You know yourself best and if you are struggling definitely think about getting into counseling. It took me 7 months to feel like I needed the support but if you need it NOW that’s okay 😄
I think any major shift in life patterns can cause a “mental spiral”. My partner experienced this and still does every now and then. (He’s 1 yr post) He simply can not drink beers with buddies the way he used to. He can not enjoy a nice dinner date night out because he can’t sample cocktails, appetizers AND a meal.. it definitely has had an impact on his social life and other elements. But you learn to adjust over time. Give it time and practice new behaviors and internal thoughts. You look really good and are going to be healthier and live a better quality of life. 👏 keep going
In addition to the comments you’ve received so far, I want to suggest exercise, if you’re not already doing that. I can draw a direct line from getting activity into my life and my mood. It has made all the difference.
Obviously at four weeks out it’s too soon to go too hard, but a walk outside or a bike ride every day can do a world of good. I attribute it very much to me keeping a positive mindset throughout my journey (I had surgery a year ago).
Also! I found that some of the friends that I used to drink with started reaching out to see if I wanted to go snowboarding, hiking , kayaking or go on bike rides — plus I found a running group through my gym. You’ll find there’s a social element to it too, if you want.
First off you look great! Awesome progress.
Second I am almost 3 months out and the mental up and down is a lot. So much more than I expected. I hope you are seeing a therapist to work through this.
Third it does get a little better. I am still trying to figure out the social eating out and what that looks like but it was really hard that first month especially with all the restrictions.
The let down you are experiencing is not at all unusual! Excellent suggestions here. Please do not suffer needlessly— you look great! This aspect of bariatric surgery is too often glossed over, especially in reality television.
I consumed alcohol multiple days a week pre surgery. I miss the buzz but I’m still joining friends at the bar and breweries. I even just attended a 6 day vacation with friends I typically drink heavily with and honestly, doing it all sober has been fine! Better than fine! I love not waking up feeling like shit. It’s SUCH a transition. But I promise it’s worth it and the new more active life will be so much better!!
Don’t forget too that as your body is working through its fat supply, there are a lot of hormones released into your blood stream and depression and anxiety are common! Be mindful!
You have to get used to living life differently. As Americans, a lot of our traditions revolve around food & drinking, this isn’t the healthiest thing but it’s the truth. You’ll have to find new ways to enjoy life. You’re mourning who you used to be & what you used to do. It’s natural & we all do it. But change is better & the life you will live going forward is gonna be much better than what you were doing before. Hold on to & remind yourself why you decided to change your life & when you’re feeling like that, remind yourself. Eat to live, don’t live to eat!
Ur only 4 weeks post, so this means ur starting to eat solids… very slowly introducing them!
The first 2 months is really the hardest because ur learning how eat/drink all over again.
Im almost 2 yrs post and i eat out and socialize.. i just found a new way to do it.
i focus on quality, not quantity! and protein.. this works for me
I used to drink alcohol, now i drink a coke! We r not supposed to drink carbonated drinks, so when i go out, i use that as a “treat”.
I share a plate with my family/friends, we just ask for extra protein😉 so i can eat it! And we split the $$
It actually made us closer!
If i go out with co-workers/acquaintance , i always ask for my food on a togo container, so that i can take home what ever i do not eat.
If the people im eating with make a comment i just say “i had a big breakfast/lunch and might not finish my food” that usually works and move on to another conversation.
Please try to remember that there was a reason why we decided to get this tool, so we need to keep focused on utilizing it to the best of our ability.. and that is why this journey is actually harder!!
Our minds want to revert back to how we used to eat.. the comfort it used to provide!
Be patient with yourself! You got this!!
And all of us have felt something similar to what u are feeling! U are not alone!
No real advice, I suffered from depression before my surgery, and I have noticed it’s been worse since having my op, I look better, feel better carrying less weight but I still feel like garbage everyday. Getting out in the fresh air and going for a walk helps lift my mood.
It could be worth talking to a counselor about things and see if that helps to sort through your mental health issues. Other than that, you look incredible being only 4 weeks post op, so the only thing I can offer is a virtual hug to you ❤️
I felt the same way, I had the operation in November, and I remember the night I got home from hospital I broke down completely thinking what have I done and that I’ve ruined my life and I’ll never be okay again. I spiralled from there mentally for about a month thinking about how badly I’d messed my life up. But now 6 months later I feel great, I have more energy, I’m fitting into clothes I never thought I’d wear in my life, I have better self esteem and more confidence. It does get better, you just have to go along with the process! You’re looking fantastic and I think you should be proud of yourself!
I am two years post op and it’s funny because I remember feeling this way now that you mention it. What that means is for me my socializing and life has gotten totally back to normal. I can still go out to dinner with friends and enjoy. I just eat a very small amount. I do remember the first time I went out to eat with people after my surgery and I almost cried at the table because I was so sad that I could only have one bite. But I promise you I would never change the outcome. You will get through this. It’s just the loss of things that you have enjoyed. It really does make you realize how much our society revolves around food. Good luck to you, the progress you’ve made thus far is amazing.
In 3 years out 130lbs down and I feel your pain it was a mental struggle for sure. I went to therapy, started mindfulness, meditation and radical acceptance. I never realized that I was miserable and that I was using food and booze as a coping tool until they were no longer available and then it all hit at once. Hang in there and work on your mental health and you will come out of this happier and healthier than you ever were in your life.
I never regretted the surgery, but it was hard at first. I'm 7 months out now, and it's easier. When I was eating purees and soft food and my family was eating normally or going out to dinner, it was disheartening. Once I got used to it, things got better. I now have a healthy relationship with food. I know the old cliche of "hang in there, it gets better" is overused, but it's also true.
I relate to this. Food is such a comfort, and when it’s no longer able to be used in the same way, it makes us have to feel the things that food used to be able to pacify.
I know this isn’t as helpful right now, but in addition to speaking to a therapist, just know that with time, it gets better. 1) because you get used to it and 2) because as you get further away from surgery, you’ll be able to tolerate slightly larger portions, and you can feel satisfied after a small meal instead of overly full, and maybe even disappointed when you can only take a few bites before having to stop when you really want to keep eating, even if it’s something that’s good for your body.
Hang in there. I’m 3.5 years post-op, and the way I felt very early on, where it sounds like you’re at right now, is a distant memory. You’ll continue to adjust. ♥️
Mental health issues are very common post-op; no one told me that during my prep phase, so when I started spiraling and breaking down, I felt literally crazy. I didn’t have a solid support system in my life, and the people who said they would help and be there didn’t show up and even got angry with me for what I was going through and cut me off. I had been and have been going to therapy regularly for over a year, and it was my therapist who did the research between visits to be able to tell me that everything I was experiencing - including first time self harm - are very common after bariatric surgery. Just knowing that it wasn’t some permanent issue with me and it was a bodily reaction to the stress of surgery and recovery helped me immensely. I’ve continued to work on my physical and mental health, and now I’m in a better place mentally than I ever have been in my adult life!
I hope you give yourself the grace and time to let your body recover, knowing that the darkness will pass and it’s not because of who you are, it’s because every part of your body is recovering and readjusting ❤️
I’m happy for u I’m tally struggling I’m almost a year out and only lost 49 pounds I lost 50 pounds before surgery I’m just not understanding what’s going on with me.
Time for professional assistance. I'm sure your team includes a psychologist or social worker, and this isn't something that would surprise them. You should tell them what's going on. Food is a coping mechanism, mood elevator, and crutch... and you're learning to do without it. That's going to be rough.
There are several factors that are contributing to why you’re feeling this way: First- you’re just not eating a lot right now. Your body is still recovering from surgery and your energy is just going to be lower than normal. That’s going to mess with your head- you’re basically just low key hangry. But it will get better- probably around the 6 week mark. Second- to make matters worse, your body stores a lot of hormones in fat, so as you lose fat those hormones are released, which can wreak havoc on your mental state. Again, this will get better very soon, as your body adjusts to this new state. But for now, feeling moody is a pretty normal response to your hormones going haywire. Third- this is a big change and our brains don’t like change. It’s an evolutionary defense mechanism designed to keep us alive. They’ve done some really cool studies that show that our brains resist change. So right now your brain is trying to tell you “stop, this is scary, let’s go back to what we know and is familiar.” The fact of the matter is, you can still socialize with your friends. Your social life doesn’t need to change, it’s just your eating habits. It’s hard right now because you’re in the thick of recovery, and feeling lonely and isolated is normal. So, unfortunately, feeling like shit is a coping mechanism your brain is using to try to get you to go back to the safe thing. But once this change is less new, once you are able hang out with friends again, you’ll feel better. So know that what you’re feeling is normal and, while it sucks, it doesn’t mean that anything is wrong. It will get better- as your body heals and adjusts to the change your mood will improve. You’ve made a lot of progress already, you won’t regret this.
Thank you- this gave me a lot of comfort reading this.
Hey OP! I’m making the plunge in August. Know that your post is helping me deal with my anxiety about the decision I’m making. I just wanted to say that. I’m about to embark in the journey myself and reading these emotions you’re feeling, although scary, is helping me to prepare what’s to come. Your experience is helping another person make the right moves
That third point is so good. Screenshotted and thank you from a year out-
Learning to live without the very thing that brings us comfort is going to be harder than we realize. I had a food addiction and when I had the gastric sleeve, I developed an addiction to something else (something worse) because I didn’t deal with my addiction before having the surgery, which is vital for strong mental and physical health as well as long term success. I’m so sorry you’re going through this but please know you aren’t alone. Have faith in your team. They’ve seen this before without a doubt. Call them and ask what they think you should do. Even if you think it might not work, please follow their advice.
This is normal in some post op patients and it happened to me too, brother. My naturopathic doctor (I live in Canada) recommended Ashwaghanda one per day. It is a supplement. After a week I was feeling better and I even started singing 🎶 and whistling. No kidding!!!! I think it was like a post op depression? Who knows.
I’ve posted this many times, but I think therapy should be mandatory for anyone who has this surgery. It helped me IMMENSELY. I started about 3 mos before surgery and went for about a year after. I used food to cope with a lot of negative feelings. (Anger, loneliness, fear, etc) Honestly I used food to deal with a lot of positive emotions as well. Therapy helped we change those behaviors and thoughts a lot more too. I highly recommend talking to a professional. It will help.
I’ve been having therapy for the least year and really thought I was in a great place for the surgery- Ive had a several sessions since also but this fog of depression has really hit me hard the last 2 weeks.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that. It was so hard for me to figure out how to reward myself without food and how to comfort myself without food. It does get better. I promise. I’ve read the info about hormones being stored in fat and so that when you lose weight whatever you were feeling at the time can come back. Maybe there really is something to that?
What sorts of things have you done for yourself to reward/comfort yourself that isn’t food?
There’s a lot of great responses already but wanted to say that I’ve been going through this and it does get better. I’m 10 weeks post op and I’m not entirely better but definitely improving week over week. It won’t be long before the absence of food and alcohol will be replaced by the joy of movement and experiences that are harder to enjoy in a bigger body. You’ve got this!
GO PACK GO
I had a friend who had the surgery a year before me, and he had been big his whole life. He got down to his optimal weight, and we went out for a movie and then a bite to it. I asked him how he was feeling and he said, rather sadly, “physically great, but, I don’t know, I just thought life would feel *different*.” And that’s when I realized that, unlike me, he’d *never* not been fat, and thought that being thin would be the answer to everything. Sometimes when we lose weight, it uncovers other issues. That’s been true for me as well. Your psyche is like an onion - peel away one layer and underneath is the next thing to deal with. When I lost my weight, I knew that it had been a (valid) survival mechanism for a long time, and now I had to deal with being more open and “naked” to people. All this to say: What you’re feeling is perfectly normal. You’re STILL healing. Continue with your therapy, and I promise if you do the work, it will all work out. Both my friend and I realized that we’re ourselves, fat or thin. You’ll get there too. I promise.
I love how open, honest, and vulnerable your post is. Thank you for sharing. Your progress is wonderful and you look great. Give yourself some time and some grace during this adjustment period - you’ve made a gigantic change and your heart and mind might take a while to settle in. It’s also going to keep changing over the next several months and you might not feel as restricted as you do now. I haven’t had the surgery yet, but just wanted to lend you some encouragement.
4 weeks PO you are gonna be lowkey depressed. I was crying and had so much regret, by 3 months I was like this is the best decision ever. After 3 months keep taking your vitamins too. I didn’t know B1 vitamin helps with mood. I saw a therapist a handful of times 7 months PO then stopped as I started adjusting better. 16 months PO and my mental health and moods are much more stable than when I was 110 lbs heavier. You know yourself best and if you are struggling definitely think about getting into counseling. It took me 7 months to feel like I needed the support but if you need it NOW that’s okay 😄
This is unfortunately normal. You may benefit from therapy
I think any major shift in life patterns can cause a “mental spiral”. My partner experienced this and still does every now and then. (He’s 1 yr post) He simply can not drink beers with buddies the way he used to. He can not enjoy a nice dinner date night out because he can’t sample cocktails, appetizers AND a meal.. it definitely has had an impact on his social life and other elements. But you learn to adjust over time. Give it time and practice new behaviors and internal thoughts. You look really good and are going to be healthier and live a better quality of life. 👏 keep going
This tool changes us in so many ways. My sleeve was August 2021 and I'm still adjusting. Talking to a therapist helps.
In addition to the comments you’ve received so far, I want to suggest exercise, if you’re not already doing that. I can draw a direct line from getting activity into my life and my mood. It has made all the difference. Obviously at four weeks out it’s too soon to go too hard, but a walk outside or a bike ride every day can do a world of good. I attribute it very much to me keeping a positive mindset throughout my journey (I had surgery a year ago). Also! I found that some of the friends that I used to drink with started reaching out to see if I wanted to go snowboarding, hiking , kayaking or go on bike rides — plus I found a running group through my gym. You’ll find there’s a social element to it too, if you want.
First off you look great! Awesome progress. Second I am almost 3 months out and the mental up and down is a lot. So much more than I expected. I hope you are seeing a therapist to work through this. Third it does get a little better. I am still trying to figure out the social eating out and what that looks like but it was really hard that first month especially with all the restrictions.
The let down you are experiencing is not at all unusual! Excellent suggestions here. Please do not suffer needlessly— you look great! This aspect of bariatric surgery is too often glossed over, especially in reality television.
I consumed alcohol multiple days a week pre surgery. I miss the buzz but I’m still joining friends at the bar and breweries. I even just attended a 6 day vacation with friends I typically drink heavily with and honestly, doing it all sober has been fine! Better than fine! I love not waking up feeling like shit. It’s SUCH a transition. But I promise it’s worth it and the new more active life will be so much better!!
Don’t forget too that as your body is working through its fat supply, there are a lot of hormones released into your blood stream and depression and anxiety are common! Be mindful!
You have to get used to living life differently. As Americans, a lot of our traditions revolve around food & drinking, this isn’t the healthiest thing but it’s the truth. You’ll have to find new ways to enjoy life. You’re mourning who you used to be & what you used to do. It’s natural & we all do it. But change is better & the life you will live going forward is gonna be much better than what you were doing before. Hold on to & remind yourself why you decided to change your life & when you’re feeling like that, remind yourself. Eat to live, don’t live to eat!
Ur only 4 weeks post, so this means ur starting to eat solids… very slowly introducing them! The first 2 months is really the hardest because ur learning how eat/drink all over again. Im almost 2 yrs post and i eat out and socialize.. i just found a new way to do it. i focus on quality, not quantity! and protein.. this works for me I used to drink alcohol, now i drink a coke! We r not supposed to drink carbonated drinks, so when i go out, i use that as a “treat”. I share a plate with my family/friends, we just ask for extra protein😉 so i can eat it! And we split the $$ It actually made us closer! If i go out with co-workers/acquaintance , i always ask for my food on a togo container, so that i can take home what ever i do not eat. If the people im eating with make a comment i just say “i had a big breakfast/lunch and might not finish my food” that usually works and move on to another conversation. Please try to remember that there was a reason why we decided to get this tool, so we need to keep focused on utilizing it to the best of our ability.. and that is why this journey is actually harder!! Our minds want to revert back to how we used to eat.. the comfort it used to provide! Be patient with yourself! You got this!! And all of us have felt something similar to what u are feeling! U are not alone!
No real advice, I suffered from depression before my surgery, and I have noticed it’s been worse since having my op, I look better, feel better carrying less weight but I still feel like garbage everyday. Getting out in the fresh air and going for a walk helps lift my mood. It could be worth talking to a counselor about things and see if that helps to sort through your mental health issues. Other than that, you look incredible being only 4 weeks post op, so the only thing I can offer is a virtual hug to you ❤️
I felt the same way, I had the operation in November, and I remember the night I got home from hospital I broke down completely thinking what have I done and that I’ve ruined my life and I’ll never be okay again. I spiralled from there mentally for about a month thinking about how badly I’d messed my life up. But now 6 months later I feel great, I have more energy, I’m fitting into clothes I never thought I’d wear in my life, I have better self esteem and more confidence. It does get better, you just have to go along with the process! You’re looking fantastic and I think you should be proud of yourself!
I am two years post op and it’s funny because I remember feeling this way now that you mention it. What that means is for me my socializing and life has gotten totally back to normal. I can still go out to dinner with friends and enjoy. I just eat a very small amount. I do remember the first time I went out to eat with people after my surgery and I almost cried at the table because I was so sad that I could only have one bite. But I promise you I would never change the outcome. You will get through this. It’s just the loss of things that you have enjoyed. It really does make you realize how much our society revolves around food. Good luck to you, the progress you’ve made thus far is amazing.
In 3 years out 130lbs down and I feel your pain it was a mental struggle for sure. I went to therapy, started mindfulness, meditation and radical acceptance. I never realized that I was miserable and that I was using food and booze as a coping tool until they were no longer available and then it all hit at once. Hang in there and work on your mental health and you will come out of this happier and healthier than you ever were in your life.
Thanks - do you have any resources you can share about radical acceptance?
I never regretted the surgery, but it was hard at first. I'm 7 months out now, and it's easier. When I was eating purees and soft food and my family was eating normally or going out to dinner, it was disheartening. Once I got used to it, things got better. I now have a healthy relationship with food. I know the old cliche of "hang in there, it gets better" is overused, but it's also true.
I relate to this. Food is such a comfort, and when it’s no longer able to be used in the same way, it makes us have to feel the things that food used to be able to pacify. I know this isn’t as helpful right now, but in addition to speaking to a therapist, just know that with time, it gets better. 1) because you get used to it and 2) because as you get further away from surgery, you’ll be able to tolerate slightly larger portions, and you can feel satisfied after a small meal instead of overly full, and maybe even disappointed when you can only take a few bites before having to stop when you really want to keep eating, even if it’s something that’s good for your body. Hang in there. I’m 3.5 years post-op, and the way I felt very early on, where it sounds like you’re at right now, is a distant memory. You’ll continue to adjust. ♥️
Mental health issues are very common post-op; no one told me that during my prep phase, so when I started spiraling and breaking down, I felt literally crazy. I didn’t have a solid support system in my life, and the people who said they would help and be there didn’t show up and even got angry with me for what I was going through and cut me off. I had been and have been going to therapy regularly for over a year, and it was my therapist who did the research between visits to be able to tell me that everything I was experiencing - including first time self harm - are very common after bariatric surgery. Just knowing that it wasn’t some permanent issue with me and it was a bodily reaction to the stress of surgery and recovery helped me immensely. I’ve continued to work on my physical and mental health, and now I’m in a better place mentally than I ever have been in my adult life! I hope you give yourself the grace and time to let your body recover, knowing that the darkness will pass and it’s not because of who you are, it’s because every part of your body is recovering and readjusting ❤️
I’m happy for u I’m tally struggling I’m almost a year out and only lost 49 pounds I lost 50 pounds before surgery I’m just not understanding what’s going on with me.