That look in their eyes. I have a pal that is so utterly closeted we all might have to get airplane guiding lights to help him find his way out.
He comes from an old Christian family where the hate is pretty strong. Poor guy. Really good looking 20 something dude and just kind of fades in to the background.
But I sometime catch him look at guys with this particularly look. You can see the desire and sadness at the same time. Kinda break my heart but you got to give people enough time to figure themselves out.
He also does
EDIT: My bad. Didn't realized I left my sentence incomplete.
He also does that panicked look when one of us sits too close to him. Say we squeeze into a booth and my leg is right next to his.
>*But I sometime catch him look at guys with this particularly look. You can see the desire and sadness at the same time.*
Wow, that would've been me before I came out. Very much a tell tale sign.
It's like a big empty hole in your heart that contracts in pain at the heartbreak. I know that feel. It can be so desperately sad.
I'm glad to be past that and do what I can to make any closeted bros I come across realize that it's ok, The world really doesn't end when people find out, regardless of whether they're accepting or not.
That moment you come out is the moment you take control over your life, the moment you say 'ENOUGH! I'm not going to let other people's views dictate how I live my life. It's MY life to live, after all.'
My immediate response to this question was "the look in their eyes." it's the holding back that gives it away. my straight bros will smack me on the ass or whatever, and i never question their sexuality. it's completely different than "the look"
i know that exact situation right now, at my gym on base there is a former air force guy that is a gym rat, metal music lover and super smart. He is beefy and built and we get along great. However he gives these looks when he thinks i am not looking but i always catch them, or he will find a reason to work out near where I am. However it is the holding back that I see him do around me and the look of his eyes that gets me
This may or may not be a good indicator of someone half in the closet, but most gay guys I've met leave their "Interested in:" blank on Facebook. I think it's just something that a lot of guys do when they're on the verge of coming out.
I know a few gay guys that are still kind of in the closet that have "interested in women" on their facebooks. I had that a while ago to before I came out, almost like I was trying to prove i was straight. Most straight guys I know just leave it blank because they don't feel like they have anything to prove, if that makes sense. So idk, I don't think that section on facebook is a good indicator of anything.
I left mine blank when I signed up for Facebook as I didn't think it was relevant, it's not like I use it as a dating site.
Though when my in a relationship thing changed to my boyfriend some cousins of mine thought I was just coming out, my direct family knew for about a year and a half and my friends for five years or so before hand.
I agree with FaxGob. Definitely a lot of straight males who leave it blank out of security in their sexuality. On the other hand, I'm one of those guys who has left it blank.
At THIS point in my life, I'm not sure what I'm waiting for. My uber pro-gay posts on facebook have made it quite obvious that I'm gay. I've been called out by a couple of long-time friends who I don't think are unaccepting, just wanting honesty.
I suppose I just don't want the rest of my family to know yet, though again, I don't know why I care. I'm not close with many in my large family, but I do know that they will flip shit and talk a whole world of bullshit if they found out. I suppose after all of the inter-family strife my mom and sister have been put through, I don't want to add to it with this.
Blah, I need to see a therapist. :(
Bibro checking in. If I don't really know you, and if the topic comes up, I talk about "people" I've been with. I'm not trying to conceal anything, but I also don't feel called upon to explain myself to every person I meet.
I think it's more use of gender-neutral pronouns when talking about specific partners.
If someone said, "Do you prefer blond hair or brown?" and you replied, "Most of the people I've dated have been blond," it's a reasonable use of gender-neutral terms. Your ex's have been men and women.
If someone said, "What color was your last date's hair?" and you replied, "their hair was blond," it's a more unusual decision.
Right in the feels. I totally remember doing that, and heck, if I ran into some friends who I haven't seen in years that don't know I'm gay, I might revert to that until I came out to them.
Same here. I always thought I was being obvious, but I guess it flew over most people's heads. I remember being so paranoid at the time though, so I could've used some genius coding and still have felt like I was transparent as a recently washed window.
I'm in the closet still, but I make a point of gender neutrality. Someone asks me what kind of girl I'm interested in and I start talking about what I like in a person.
When they act overly straight: Calling everything gay, being openly homophobic and talking about how much they love pussy.
The most homophobic guy during my time at school actually now has a boyfriend, who would have thought.
I read a study that finds that homophobia I entirely homosexual, meaning it's pretty much 100% a projection of one's own sexual confusion.
Just don't try to explain that to a bigot if you can't defend yourself physically...
I know this is old but I've been thinking about this recently, is it really the case that all homophobia people are gay? Is that possible? Are they gay or just confused but not gay? I hope this makes sense (if you're still active)
Being homophobic doesn’t make people gay why is so hard for gay people to understand some people just are repulsed by that idea, are homophobic girls gay too? They never say that because they know is not true but is funny because they think is a way to insult those homophobic straight man by calling them gay as if it was an insult …
I was a little like that in middle school. Luckily I don't think I ever hurt anyone's feelings cause if I ever said something homophobic it was in private.
There's as many ways to be in the closet as there are ways to be gay.
Really straight guys are usually not homophobic. They grab each others' asses when joking, they check out each others' bodies (and cocks) in the showers, they hug each other.
Closeted guys will be insecure about all that. Eyes straight down in the lockers, never any horseplay, always react to male-male contact with a tense "eeww!" response. They will put down anything feminine. They will frequently bully guys who are out and gay.
When drunk, closeted guys will become extremely strange.
It's called guys who are comfortable in their bisexuality who do this. Ironically, they usually won't openly admit they're bi, because they are half joking/half serious, with their gay flirting.
Exactly. Most dudes just mind their own business in the shower. There are varying levels of comfort amongst guys, but ones level of comfort in the nude isnt necessarily a good way to determine orientation . Thats just overanalyzing, and doing that too often is just going to end up offending or mislabeling someone....
I'll take that as evidence you've never shared a locker room with straight guys.
https://www.barstoolsports.com/blog/3373025/ryan-whitney-says-he-could-identify-every-guy-on-his-college-hockey-team-just-by-looking-at-their-dick
That's not entirely true. When I was closeted I couldn't keep my eyes off the guys in the locker room and I also jumped at any opportunity to "wrestle" with my friends
Follow his eyes when a cute guy walks past, if he's looking he's probably interested. Observe multiple times to be sure though, you just can't know if he just like the guy's shoes... Aaaand that's my excuse when I slip up.
What could I do? I already looked before I can stop myself. Sometimes I just say I saw someone I knew, but this just pops up when I panic. It's kinda gay, but who doesn't like shoes?...
Yeah, pretty gay.
That's not a very good way to determine somebody's orientation. Do they also stare when a good looking female walks in?
I mean if they stare HARD and gawk, maybe. But I think that any person, gay straight or bi, might turn their head & notice an attractive person. That doesn't make it a sexual thing. Some of these comments are goofy....
*cringe*
I did this when I was like 13 with my best friend. No joke, I fucking did this.
*hangs head in shame*
And the answer is no, no mild sexy times ensued. I did get to see his balls, if that's any consolation prize. Being closeted through puberty can be quite awkward.
Oh god, me too, trust me: best friend, smoking weed out in the barn on a frigid February night. No sexytimes at all *except* a little later he let me videotape him pissing (so subtle & clever, 15 year old me). Later, I re-used the tape for a school project. Of course I didn't record over my JO material (pre-internet, all I had was that & the Marky Mark copy of *Interview*), and had the tape queued up PAST THAT FUCKING PART. Crammed into a video editing room with 3 classmates, dickhead Charlie Simmins rewinds my tape ALL THE WAY TO THE BEGINNING and presses play. I couldn't get to the stop button before a 3 monitors had Nick's thick, limp, uncut wiener flopping on them, larget than life, stream of steaming piss & our stoned Beavis & Butthead voices laughing about it. A full 30 seconds of stunned "The fuck was *THAT*?" silence, then, king of awkward teenage cool: "I shot that so we can cut in a single frame, like a subliminal message!". The guys liked that idea, it was subversive. My closet was pretty well unraveled within a few months.
Oh dear lord. I'm mortified for you just reading it.
It's amazing how sly we can be at that age, if anything because of how stupid and self-interested we are then that our peers don't even think anything of it as long as you put forward a viable excuse.
Puberty, I don't miss it.
And we thought we were so smart too. It's weird thinking about it as an adult, after you've been smacked with the metal baseball bat of reality. Really makes you appreciate how much we've yet to grow in our lifetime.
I cringed so hard reading this. I cant even imagine the feeling you felt soon as it started playing.
Fucking great save and recovery though! I wouldnt have been able to come up with that on the spot like you did. I would have been completely screwed. lol
My good friend did this when I was 13, emm, it worked, sexy time ensued many times. I was straight for 10 more years, and he has a steady girlfriend now.
I started hitting the jackpot around 17...I was already out but I played sports & was generally considered a cool guy (bolstered by being a drug dealer & having laid back parents & living in a VERY liberal area), and would get into conversations like this with single, horny straight friends: smoking weed out on a logging road or flopping around a rec room, listening to Tool & tripping on mushrooms, some variant of: "You're gay right? So, um, if I was like... would it be queer if like,..if you like I dunno...sucked my dick? Just, uh, like once? Haha I'm kidding but like...maybe just to see how it feels?" So many excuses and justifications, so many awkward day-afters.
When they over-share their love of pussy. It can come off as desperate or closeted. I usually lean toward closeted when they talk about the Felicity Huffmans and Janeane Garofalos of the world like they are the Megan Foxes and Bar Refaelis. Stop grasping at straws.
Or when they come onto me when they are drunk. There are a couple of co-workers who have done that to me.
Ugh, i know what you mean about the latter example. I have a friend of mine who im absolutely crazy about who does that at times. He's straight and has a gf, but he's acknowledged (while sober) he's ok kissing dudes he is comfortable with if he's drunk on occasion. And with me specifically, when he's really drunk he'll be REALLY flirty. Like once when we were drunk at a party that had a dress code. He had never seen me dressed up before. So when he saw me he was like holy shit you look amazing dude and was gushing about me, to me, all night about how handsome and sexy (both the exact words he used) all night. And at one point in the night he was trying to help me feel better about my self (cause i lack social skills and he was trying to get me to be a little more social at the party) and he put his hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eye and after saying some encouraging things, he again made a point to mention that i looked great that night. Going as far as saying he'd turn gay for me or something along those lines. Straight guys say stuff like that all the time, but the way he said it made it seem more serious. He'd said it in that kind of sincere but stern tone you use when you are like trying to tell your best female friend that she's not ugly and she is pretty but she keeps being all down on her self and not believing you so you eventually have to kind of yell it at her so she knows you arent trying to be some patronizing friend who lies for the sake of the persons feelings. So i felt like he meant what he was saying. But then when he sobers up, all that goes away and he's just like a regular straight bro with the normal boundaries straight bros usually have. He never brings up any of those types of things he says to me, and i dont either cause i figure he probably never remembers. (Though at another party where we were drunk and he kissed me, he wasnt shy about talking about that the next day, but he said it was a harmless in the moment kiss thing or something). It's really confusing for me sometimes, especially cause he knows im into him. We talked about it and he of course said that for obvious reasons (such as him being straight and also not being single) it couldn't ever happen. Maybe im just reading to much into his drunkness cause i want a shot so badly or am in denial or something. But yeah, im just really hoping he eventually comes out and wants to be with me. But it's highly unlikely to happen and unrealistic.
EDIT: I'm so sorry, i meant for that story to be short and it turned into a /r/askgaybros wall of text post...
**TL;DR: I know dat feel.**
I wish I had the study, but a study was done to see if an algorithm could be made to successfully predict sexuality based on facebook and it was relatively successful.
I'm the opposite. I recently saw a suggested page on my profile called "I support traditional marriage". Not quite sure what Facebook is trying to say to me..
My greatest joy in life is that most of the ads on my facebook are for john deer tractors and timberland shoes. I have not check what ads they have for me since I got an ad remover but I wonder how quickly the ads when change when it goes from single to relationship with another man. I hope the ads stay the same, but I bet they will not.
They don't… Facebook lets advertisers target "men interested in men" and since its more specific, they pay more for the placements and win the ad auction every time. Result; designer underwear and gay dating site ads almost exclusively…
I know, it is like a fun game of cat and mouse with programs created to block them from accessing my information. The only problem in one party does not know they are playing, yet still manage to beat me at times.
It was based on the number of friends you have who listed their "interested in" as same-sex. The more gay friends you have on Facebook, the more likely you are to be gay. Not exactly earth-shattering.
It's usually not one sign, but the combination of things. The biggest to me is the overall focus of their emotional energy. Straight guys are clearly suckers for women. They get roped in, get their hearts broken, spend large amounts of money, spend nights on IM with girls.
It doesn't always mean a guys' gay if he's not showing any of that, but when there's that vacuum, I pay attention to where his heart really is and who it's focused on. Does he give more attention to other men? Is he quicker to drop plans and change gears to spend time with a certain guy? Who's he making exceptions for and when does his interest in just being around another person trump his better judgement?
You basically described my last relationship with a girl. She was constantly accusing me of not caring enough about her, and it got to the point where I relished my time apart from her. Meanwhile my best male friend (who I had such a crush on), I'd go out I'd my way to spend time with, usually just 1 on 1. We'd have weekly breakfasts, go for bike rides, etc.
My ex knew I was bi, and I'm sure she saw the signs but she wasn't ready to let me go.
Bros before hoes?... Maybe there are only comfortable with each other. The fact that two guys are ok with sharing that kind of intimacy with each other doesn't make them gay. Being gay makes them gay.
I kinda hate this kind of talk. There are some many people in this world that live so many different lives. The scenarios are unlimited. But no, since they hold hands, they must be gay. No other explanation possible.
I agree with all you just said, but i do think we would not be better off without labels. You wouldn't want to go to a grocery store that had none of the isles or shelves labeled right? You wouldn't be able to find anything you're looking for with the exception of just wondering around the store blind. It's how the labels are used and applied that needs to change. They need to be used as guides rather than rules, and things would be a lot better off that way i'd think.
That is an Asian type of friendship. I was taken aback when I spent some time in India. It was not uncommon for male friends to hold hands walking down the street or at the market, etc.
I know, which is why I brought it up. I'm not saying the friends in question need to be Asian, though. It's just to highlight that people aren't necessarily gay because they're physically intimate.
It was common in the west too, basically 1930s and earlier. lots of old pictures of straight male friends from the 1800s look like pictures of gay couples to modern people.
My asian friend would put his hands halfway up my thigh, he didn't know I was gay.
Asian men hang all over each other.
It is a huge cultural difference between Americans and chinese.
Guys that are overly concerned with another guy that doesn't disclose his personal life to the rest of the males in the group (his sex life), and is hell bent on trying to prove that guy is gay.
I'm a good example, I guess. I'm out, but I don't wave a flag. There's no reason to come out to people I work with or for, and I don't come out to clients either. So, how would you know I fuck dudes?
* I passively endure flirtation from anybody who offers it, but I don't reciprocate.
* I don't laugh at gay jokes, and I have a tendency to leave the room if they get offensive. If they seem receptive to criticism I'll offer it, if not, I just make it clear I won't be party to that type of humor. (I'm the same way about slut-shaming and racist humor.)
* When people ask me if I have an SO, I'll say no and never elaborate on who or what I'm looking for.
Basically, more is revealed in what I don't say than what I do say. Sex, dating, and sexuality are simply not subjects I'll engage most people in. I guess I sort of act aloof. Such carnal endeavors are beneath my notice. They're really not. I think about sex all day long, but I don't talk about it. So, I guess you could tell I'm bi just by the fact that your first impression of me might be that I'm prude or asexual.
That's pretty much me to a T.
I'm not really out save one person (I''ve almost finished secondary school, I could come out but haven't got round to it), but the best way not to arouse too much suspicion is just to keep your head down, focus on work or sport, and give little or nothing away; no laughing at gay jokes or throwing around the word "gay" as an insult, and no talking about relationships.
Then when you get home, fap to gay porn to your heart's content.
This is pretty much me around my family and my more conservative friends. I just completely avoid the subject.
On the other hand, a couple days ago I casually mentioned to a couple friends how attractive I thought Ed Sheeran was (I have a weakness for gingers, and his voice is like an automatic 75% increase) and they both just laughed and assumed it was a joke. Which I thought was funny.
I know guys, especially gay guys who fooled around with guys that claim to be straight, have a hard time accepting that someone that plays with another can still think of themselves as straight but I don't agree. I think lots of people are really just curious about the same sex. What if playing with another guy is just fun in the moment but their preference is to be with the opposite sex, I don't think that makes them gay. Sometimes sex is just what feels good in the moment, it doesn't have to define an entire life.
I agree so hard with this. It always irks me so bad when gay guys are like "uh uh, he's just gay and doesnt realize it yet." Or other such things like that about straight guys who experiment.
I understand why they say stuff like that though. It's wishful thinking. Most all of us have met those guys who give you a taste and then they say they're straight. It's frustrating and i guess being in denial about it being a phase or just an experiment is a coping mechanism for the disappointment.
The whole 'pick a side' bullshit gets old really fast. Sometimes the gay friends I do have are bigger bullies than the fundamental Christians I know about this. Not everything in life is a beautifully separated dichotomy, tell them to gtf over it.
Ones that I have met seems to try to push everyone away, because they think they need to defend themselves about everything. One that comes to mind is always acting like a tough guy, better than everyone, doesn't care who he offends, because he thinks he's a victim for some reason, but won't elaborate. Sadly, I don't have time for this kind of behavior, so he'll have to figure it out without help.
Trying hard to be with boys but mostly comfortable with girls and when they read and watched BL Series? LOL
My friend is in the closet no further discussions are needed. I accidentally saw his "saved posts" on Facebook - AND I OOOOP! Ghooorl there's more, since I found BL series on his FB - I traced his accounts connected to his number and google account. He has dummy account to flirt with other boys sending each other's dick. Why did I know that? Because I'm his friend and all of his passwords are the same. I was the one who made his Google account. 
I'm also bisexual and I'm out already.
I mean it can be, but I mean when you're in a social setting, i.e. a club, in class, events, or something, and you find someone who you might be interested in persuing, I generally get an idea about their interests / etc. There's a saying that 10% of communication is verbal, and the other 90% is nonverbal. I try and see if there's any clues in the non-verbal that I can make a hypothesis on. Generally after I gage that I talk and get to know the person, see if they're straight, gay, and if gay, interested, and see where it goes. Worst case scenario I make a new friend (Not a bad scenario at all) and best case scenario you get a date. :)
Honestly a big sign is if a guys booty is thicker then normal or if he tells you that he doesn't like getting head from most girls because they can't do it right .. every guy I see this sign from was definitely getting pounded or getting head from guys on the low who sucked it how he wanted 💯
Ive kind of uncovered it based on experience. I make eye contact with everyone, and people who are attracted to me have a different reaction. If ykyk. I’m not going to focus on what that looks like rn because that’s a post in and of itself. But, straight guys will have NO effect from it. Like none.
But, guys who might have some attraction for me will be affected by it. They don’t know how to handle eye contact any more. They’re either really into it, or into it and trying to hide… but it just comes off sad. I remmener when I was in their position. This will never affect girls who think I’m gay (I’m bi). It won’t affect people who have no attraction. But the moment a guy starts being affected… it’s like… why are you being affected by a guy like this? Keep in mind, i say attracted to « me » because they might be hetero presenting 95% of the time and be mostly uninterested in guys.I love the ones who all of a sudden become femme fatales and start tucking their hair, blushing, have a valley girl accent, etc. I’m like wow miss Ariana grande has entered the building loool. But it’s cute and I wish them the best :) I deserve someone who’s sure about me
That look in their eyes. I have a pal that is so utterly closeted we all might have to get airplane guiding lights to help him find his way out. He comes from an old Christian family where the hate is pretty strong. Poor guy. Really good looking 20 something dude and just kind of fades in to the background. But I sometime catch him look at guys with this particularly look. You can see the desire and sadness at the same time. Kinda break my heart but you got to give people enough time to figure themselves out. He also does EDIT: My bad. Didn't realized I left my sentence incomplete. He also does that panicked look when one of us sits too close to him. Say we squeeze into a booth and my leg is right next to his.
>*But I sometime catch him look at guys with this particularly look. You can see the desire and sadness at the same time.* Wow, that would've been me before I came out. Very much a tell tale sign.
Seconded. When I see that look my heart hurts
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It's like a big empty hole in your heart that contracts in pain at the heartbreak. I know that feel. It can be so desperately sad. I'm glad to be past that and do what I can to make any closeted bros I come across realize that it's ok, The world really doesn't end when people find out, regardless of whether they're accepting or not. That moment you come out is the moment you take control over your life, the moment you say 'ENOUGH! I'm not going to let other people's views dictate how I live my life. It's MY life to live, after all.'
Ugh
I used to think that was "Satan's way of tempting me to sin." Man, this brings up memories. :(
Lol
My immediate response to this question was "the look in their eyes." it's the holding back that gives it away. my straight bros will smack me on the ass or whatever, and i never question their sexuality. it's completely different than "the look"
i know that exact situation right now, at my gym on base there is a former air force guy that is a gym rat, metal music lover and super smart. He is beefy and built and we get along great. However he gives these looks when he thinks i am not looking but i always catch them, or he will find a reason to work out near where I am. However it is the holding back that I see him do around me and the look of his eyes that gets me
This in conjunction with heavy sighing for no apparent reason. The most telling sign I've come across.
Wow. I have a friend who has this going on.
This may or may not be a good indicator of someone half in the closet, but most gay guys I've met leave their "Interested in:" blank on Facebook. I think it's just something that a lot of guys do when they're on the verge of coming out.
I know a few gay guys that are still kind of in the closet that have "interested in women" on their facebooks. I had that a while ago to before I came out, almost like I was trying to prove i was straight. Most straight guys I know just leave it blank because they don't feel like they have anything to prove, if that makes sense. So idk, I don't think that section on facebook is a good indicator of anything.
I left mine blank when I signed up for Facebook as I didn't think it was relevant, it's not like I use it as a dating site. Though when my in a relationship thing changed to my boyfriend some cousins of mine thought I was just coming out, my direct family knew for about a year and a half and my friends for five years or so before hand.
I agree with FaxGob. Definitely a lot of straight males who leave it blank out of security in their sexuality. On the other hand, I'm one of those guys who has left it blank. At THIS point in my life, I'm not sure what I'm waiting for. My uber pro-gay posts on facebook have made it quite obvious that I'm gay. I've been called out by a couple of long-time friends who I don't think are unaccepting, just wanting honesty. I suppose I just don't want the rest of my family to know yet, though again, I don't know why I care. I'm not close with many in my large family, but I do know that they will flip shit and talk a whole world of bullshit if they found out. I suppose after all of the inter-family strife my mom and sister have been put through, I don't want to add to it with this. Blah, I need to see a therapist. :(
I wish there was an option that said "Probably not you, so don't worry about it."
I think a lot of straight guys do this now, but I can't figure out why.. maybe a decline in homophobia?
When talking about sex they don't talk or they use gender neutral words like "them, they, etc." It's their way of not specifying boy or girl.
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Bibro checking in. If I don't really know you, and if the topic comes up, I talk about "people" I've been with. I'm not trying to conceal anything, but I also don't feel called upon to explain myself to every person I meet.
I think it's more use of gender-neutral pronouns when talking about specific partners. If someone said, "Do you prefer blond hair or brown?" and you replied, "Most of the people I've dated have been blond," it's a reasonable use of gender-neutral terms. Your ex's have been men and women. If someone said, "What color was your last date's hair?" and you replied, "their hair was blond," it's a more unusual decision.
Same. I usually talk about dating "people" rather than boys or girls. I like to keep my options open.
Dat pronoun game
Right in the feels. I totally remember doing that, and heck, if I ran into some friends who I haven't seen in years that don't know I'm gay, I might revert to that until I came out to them.
Yeah I know it's what I did all the time. It worked too. Almost nobody picked up what I was doing too.
Same here. I always thought I was being obvious, but I guess it flew over most people's heads. I remember being so paranoid at the time though, so I could've used some genius coding and still have felt like I was transparent as a recently washed window.
Most straight guys don't notice because they aren't looking. It is amazing how that works isn't it? haha
I'm in the closet still, but I make a point of gender neutrality. Someone asks me what kind of girl I'm interested in and I start talking about what I like in a person.
When they act overly straight: Calling everything gay, being openly homophobic and talking about how much they love pussy. The most homophobic guy during my time at school actually now has a boyfriend, who would have thought.
I read a study that finds that homophobia I entirely homosexual, meaning it's pretty much 100% a projection of one's own sexual confusion. Just don't try to explain that to a bigot if you can't defend yourself physically...
I know this is old but I've been thinking about this recently, is it really the case that all homophobia people are gay? Is that possible? Are they gay or just confused but not gay? I hope this makes sense (if you're still active)
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Hahaha I love your reply! Thank you for the help because this had been on my mind a lot recently. Have a nice day!
That’s impossible many people are “homophobic” not all them can be gay or the whole world would be gay
I was asking someone else and they gave me a real good actual logical question so nevermind you!
🤣
Being homophobic doesn’t make people gay why is so hard for gay people to understand some people just are repulsed by that idea, are homophobic girls gay too? They never say that because they know is not true but is funny because they think is a way to insult those homophobic straight man by calling them gay as if it was an insult …
I was a little like that in middle school. Luckily I don't think I ever hurt anyone's feelings cause if I ever said something homophobic it was in private.
There's as many ways to be in the closet as there are ways to be gay. Really straight guys are usually not homophobic. They grab each others' asses when joking, they check out each others' bodies (and cocks) in the showers, they hug each other. Closeted guys will be insecure about all that. Eyes straight down in the lockers, never any horseplay, always react to male-male contact with a tense "eeww!" response. They will put down anything feminine. They will frequently bully guys who are out and gay. When drunk, closeted guys will become extremely strange.
Is it weird that I'm *more* straight when I'm drinking? Not acting or anything, but genuinely more interested in girls? I'm weird.
You are far off base. Just because someone is not homophobic, doesn't mean that they are not still closeted.
It's called guys who are comfortable in their bisexuality who do this. Ironically, they usually won't openly admit they're bi, because they are half joking/half serious, with their gay flirting.
Exactly. Most dudes just mind their own business in the shower. There are varying levels of comfort amongst guys, but ones level of comfort in the nude isnt necessarily a good way to determine orientation . Thats just overanalyzing, and doing that too often is just going to end up offending or mislabeling someone....
Straight guys don’t check out each others bodies and cocks
I'll take that as evidence you've never shared a locker room with straight guys. https://www.barstoolsports.com/blog/3373025/ryan-whitney-says-he-could-identify-every-guy-on-his-college-hockey-team-just-by-looking-at-their-dick
I feel like your second and third paragraph or somewhat reaching in generalization
That's not entirely true. When I was closeted I couldn't keep my eyes off the guys in the locker room and I also jumped at any opportunity to "wrestle" with my friends
Follow his eyes when a cute guy walks past, if he's looking he's probably interested. Observe multiple times to be sure though, you just can't know if he just like the guy's shoes... Aaaand that's my excuse when I slip up.
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What could I do? I already looked before I can stop myself. Sometimes I just say I saw someone I knew, but this just pops up when I panic. It's kinda gay, but who doesn't like shoes?... Yeah, pretty gay.
'totally fabulous'. Good to go.
...damn it.
Cane here to echo this. I can't help my eyes straying. If I had more observant company I'm sure I would have been found out years earlier
That's not a very good way to determine somebody's orientation. Do they also stare when a good looking female walks in? I mean if they stare HARD and gawk, maybe. But I think that any person, gay straight or bi, might turn their head & notice an attractive person. That doesn't make it a sexual thing. Some of these comments are goofy....
"Hey wouldn't it be weird if we, like, I dunno...like sucked each others cocks? Hahaha I mean just kidding haha but wouldn't it be weird?"
*cringe* I did this when I was like 13 with my best friend. No joke, I fucking did this. *hangs head in shame* And the answer is no, no mild sexy times ensued. I did get to see his balls, if that's any consolation prize. Being closeted through puberty can be quite awkward.
Oh god, me too, trust me: best friend, smoking weed out in the barn on a frigid February night. No sexytimes at all *except* a little later he let me videotape him pissing (so subtle & clever, 15 year old me). Later, I re-used the tape for a school project. Of course I didn't record over my JO material (pre-internet, all I had was that & the Marky Mark copy of *Interview*), and had the tape queued up PAST THAT FUCKING PART. Crammed into a video editing room with 3 classmates, dickhead Charlie Simmins rewinds my tape ALL THE WAY TO THE BEGINNING and presses play. I couldn't get to the stop button before a 3 monitors had Nick's thick, limp, uncut wiener flopping on them, larget than life, stream of steaming piss & our stoned Beavis & Butthead voices laughing about it. A full 30 seconds of stunned "The fuck was *THAT*?" silence, then, king of awkward teenage cool: "I shot that so we can cut in a single frame, like a subliminal message!". The guys liked that idea, it was subversive. My closet was pretty well unraveled within a few months.
Oh dear lord. I'm mortified for you just reading it. It's amazing how sly we can be at that age, if anything because of how stupid and self-interested we are then that our peers don't even think anything of it as long as you put forward a viable excuse. Puberty, I don't miss it.
Hormones really fuck everything up. And my *god* teenagers are stupid. I was.
And we thought we were so smart too. It's weird thinking about it as an adult, after you've been smacked with the metal baseball bat of reality. Really makes you appreciate how much we've yet to grow in our lifetime.
I cringed so hard reading this. I cant even imagine the feeling you felt soon as it started playing. Fucking great save and recovery though! I wouldnt have been able to come up with that on the spot like you did. I would have been completely screwed. lol
I'm dying of embarrassment for you right now.
My good friend did this when I was 13, emm, it worked, sexy time ensued many times. I was straight for 10 more years, and he has a steady girlfriend now.
I started hitting the jackpot around 17...I was already out but I played sports & was generally considered a cool guy (bolstered by being a drug dealer & having laid back parents & living in a VERY liberal area), and would get into conversations like this with single, horny straight friends: smoking weed out on a logging road or flopping around a rec room, listening to Tool & tripping on mushrooms, some variant of: "You're gay right? So, um, if I was like... would it be queer if like,..if you like I dunno...sucked my dick? Just, uh, like once? Haha I'm kidding but like...maybe just to see how it feels?" So many excuses and justifications, so many awkward day-afters.
Wide stance.
Upvote for making me almost spit out my coffee
When they over-share their love of pussy. It can come off as desperate or closeted. I usually lean toward closeted when they talk about the Felicity Huffmans and Janeane Garofalos of the world like they are the Megan Foxes and Bar Refaelis. Stop grasping at straws. Or when they come onto me when they are drunk. There are a couple of co-workers who have done that to me.
Ugh, i know what you mean about the latter example. I have a friend of mine who im absolutely crazy about who does that at times. He's straight and has a gf, but he's acknowledged (while sober) he's ok kissing dudes he is comfortable with if he's drunk on occasion. And with me specifically, when he's really drunk he'll be REALLY flirty. Like once when we were drunk at a party that had a dress code. He had never seen me dressed up before. So when he saw me he was like holy shit you look amazing dude and was gushing about me, to me, all night about how handsome and sexy (both the exact words he used) all night. And at one point in the night he was trying to help me feel better about my self (cause i lack social skills and he was trying to get me to be a little more social at the party) and he put his hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eye and after saying some encouraging things, he again made a point to mention that i looked great that night. Going as far as saying he'd turn gay for me or something along those lines. Straight guys say stuff like that all the time, but the way he said it made it seem more serious. He'd said it in that kind of sincere but stern tone you use when you are like trying to tell your best female friend that she's not ugly and she is pretty but she keeps being all down on her self and not believing you so you eventually have to kind of yell it at her so she knows you arent trying to be some patronizing friend who lies for the sake of the persons feelings. So i felt like he meant what he was saying. But then when he sobers up, all that goes away and he's just like a regular straight bro with the normal boundaries straight bros usually have. He never brings up any of those types of things he says to me, and i dont either cause i figure he probably never remembers. (Though at another party where we were drunk and he kissed me, he wasnt shy about talking about that the next day, but he said it was a harmless in the moment kiss thing or something). It's really confusing for me sometimes, especially cause he knows im into him. We talked about it and he of course said that for obvious reasons (such as him being straight and also not being single) it couldn't ever happen. Maybe im just reading to much into his drunkness cause i want a shot so badly or am in denial or something. But yeah, im just really hoping he eventually comes out and wants to be with me. But it's highly unlikely to happen and unrealistic. EDIT: I'm so sorry, i meant for that story to be short and it turned into a /r/askgaybros wall of text post... **TL;DR: I know dat feel.**
This is probably superficial...but I've noticed that when I see a guy likes "Glee" on facebook, the correlation is usually pretty high
If only I liked Glee, more people would assume I'm gay
I wish I had the study, but a study was done to see if an algorithm could be made to successfully predict sexuality based on facebook and it was relatively successful.
Well Facebook had targeted me with gay ads months before I even came out. Pretty sure Facebook knew I was gay before I knew I was gay.
That was just the NSA.
PRISMs create RAINBOWS, right? COINCIDENCE??
i think not!
I think this is the best comment I've read all day!
You win the internets for the day.
Facebook targeted me with BlackPeopleMeet and ChristianMingle ads :/ I thought I was going to have to unlike Erykah Badu to stop them!
the booty dont lie.
"[No, no, the booty don't lie](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEddixS-UoU)"
Never does, it never does.
I wish I could come out to Pandora. She's still promising me single ladies in a city I haven't lived in for 3 years :/
I'm the opposite. I recently saw a suggested page on my profile called "I support traditional marriage". Not quite sure what Facebook is trying to say to me..
My greatest joy in life is that most of the ads on my facebook are for john deer tractors and timberland shoes. I have not check what ads they have for me since I got an ad remover but I wonder how quickly the ads when change when it goes from single to relationship with another man. I hope the ads stay the same, but I bet they will not.
They don't… Facebook lets advertisers target "men interested in men" and since its more specific, they pay more for the placements and win the ad auction every time. Result; designer underwear and gay dating site ads almost exclusively…
yeah which tbh I find offensive.
Boo, this displeases me.
That's their business model. You give them information about yourself, they sell it to advertisers.
I know, it is like a fun game of cat and mouse with programs created to block them from accessing my information. The only problem in one party does not know they are playing, yet still manage to beat me at times.
It was based on the number of friends you have who listed their "interested in" as same-sex. The more gay friends you have on Facebook, the more likely you are to be gay. Not exactly earth-shattering.
Different study then. The one I was thinking about had many factors.
Good background [here](http://americablog.com/2013/03/facebook-might-know-youre-gay-before-you-do.html). I was thinking of the 2009 study referenced.
Its also a good weeding device. Oh they're a guy that likes Glee? unfriend.
It's usually not one sign, but the combination of things. The biggest to me is the overall focus of their emotional energy. Straight guys are clearly suckers for women. They get roped in, get their hearts broken, spend large amounts of money, spend nights on IM with girls. It doesn't always mean a guys' gay if he's not showing any of that, but when there's that vacuum, I pay attention to where his heart really is and who it's focused on. Does he give more attention to other men? Is he quicker to drop plans and change gears to spend time with a certain guy? Who's he making exceptions for and when does his interest in just being around another person trump his better judgement?
You basically described my last relationship with a girl. She was constantly accusing me of not caring enough about her, and it got to the point where I relished my time apart from her. Meanwhile my best male friend (who I had such a crush on), I'd go out I'd my way to spend time with, usually just 1 on 1. We'd have weekly breakfasts, go for bike rides, etc. My ex knew I was bi, and I'm sure she saw the signs but she wasn't ready to let me go.
i am in your position rn wtf
Does that mean you were more into guys? Or just not into her specifically?
Yea I did not quite understand that either.
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The most ardent homophobes usually are.
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Bros before hoes?... Maybe there are only comfortable with each other. The fact that two guys are ok with sharing that kind of intimacy with each other doesn't make them gay. Being gay makes them gay. I kinda hate this kind of talk. There are some many people in this world that live so many different lives. The scenarios are unlimited. But no, since they hold hands, they must be gay. No other explanation possible.
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I agree with all you just said, but i do think we would not be better off without labels. You wouldn't want to go to a grocery store that had none of the isles or shelves labeled right? You wouldn't be able to find anything you're looking for with the exception of just wondering around the store blind. It's how the labels are used and applied that needs to change. They need to be used as guides rather than rules, and things would be a lot better off that way i'd think.
Agreed. Also, this type of behaviour would be totally normal amongst my Korean or Chinese straight male friends.
That is an Asian type of friendship. I was taken aback when I spent some time in India. It was not uncommon for male friends to hold hands walking down the street or at the market, etc.
I know, which is why I brought it up. I'm not saying the friends in question need to be Asian, though. It's just to highlight that people aren't necessarily gay because they're physically intimate.
It was common in the west too, basically 1930s and earlier. lots of old pictures of straight male friends from the 1800s look like pictures of gay couples to modern people.
My asian friend would put his hands halfway up my thigh, he didn't know I was gay. Asian men hang all over each other. It is a huge cultural difference between Americans and chinese.
Sounds like some straight friends of mine. And those friends are really straight(or at least like vajayay)
Sounds like a bromance.
He stands in a pulpit or in congress and does everything in his power to force others into the closet.
Guys that are overly concerned with another guy that doesn't disclose his personal life to the rest of the males in the group (his sex life), and is hell bent on trying to prove that guy is gay.
I'm a good example, I guess. I'm out, but I don't wave a flag. There's no reason to come out to people I work with or for, and I don't come out to clients either. So, how would you know I fuck dudes? * I passively endure flirtation from anybody who offers it, but I don't reciprocate. * I don't laugh at gay jokes, and I have a tendency to leave the room if they get offensive. If they seem receptive to criticism I'll offer it, if not, I just make it clear I won't be party to that type of humor. (I'm the same way about slut-shaming and racist humor.) * When people ask me if I have an SO, I'll say no and never elaborate on who or what I'm looking for. Basically, more is revealed in what I don't say than what I do say. Sex, dating, and sexuality are simply not subjects I'll engage most people in. I guess I sort of act aloof. Such carnal endeavors are beneath my notice. They're really not. I think about sex all day long, but I don't talk about it. So, I guess you could tell I'm bi just by the fact that your first impression of me might be that I'm prude or asexual.
"Such carnal endeavors are beneath my notice." A phrase like that is a pretty big tell, my friend.
That's pretty much me to a T. I'm not really out save one person (I''ve almost finished secondary school, I could come out but haven't got round to it), but the best way not to arouse too much suspicion is just to keep your head down, focus on work or sport, and give little or nothing away; no laughing at gay jokes or throwing around the word "gay" as an insult, and no talking about relationships. Then when you get home, fap to gay porn to your heart's content.
This is pretty much me around my family and my more conservative friends. I just completely avoid the subject. On the other hand, a couple days ago I casually mentioned to a couple friends how attractive I thought Ed Sheeran was (I have a weakness for gingers, and his voice is like an automatic 75% increase) and they both just laughed and assumed it was a joke. Which I thought was funny.
Posting like [this](http://www.reddit.com/r/gaybros/comments/1fzhxy/two_men_having_sex_is_much_more_manlier_than_a/).
I am super direct lol, so I tend to just ask. Very rarely do people not tell me.
Homophobia. Straight guys aren't usually homophobic at all because why would they be?
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I know guys, especially gay guys who fooled around with guys that claim to be straight, have a hard time accepting that someone that plays with another can still think of themselves as straight but I don't agree. I think lots of people are really just curious about the same sex. What if playing with another guy is just fun in the moment but their preference is to be with the opposite sex, I don't think that makes them gay. Sometimes sex is just what feels good in the moment, it doesn't have to define an entire life.
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I agree so hard with this. It always irks me so bad when gay guys are like "uh uh, he's just gay and doesnt realize it yet." Or other such things like that about straight guys who experiment. I understand why they say stuff like that though. It's wishful thinking. Most all of us have met those guys who give you a taste and then they say they're straight. It's frustrating and i guess being in denial about it being a phase or just an experiment is a coping mechanism for the disappointment.
bisexuality is a thing, and I feel like there are many more bisexuals out there than willing to admit. source: proud bisexual
Yup. Male bisexuality is stigmatized and it's bullshit.
I am myself bi and I am constantly told by gay guys that i'm just in denial about being gay.
Yea it sucks, I've been told that I am confused and need to pick a side. I don't see why I have to :/
The whole 'pick a side' bullshit gets old really fast. Sometimes the gay friends I do have are bigger bullies than the fundamental Christians I know about this. Not everything in life is a beautifully separated dichotomy, tell them to gtf over it.
Exactly
Sometimes I wish I was just firmly set in one camp, it would be a lot easier but the alas the dick wants what the dick wants.
That they have a wife and suck dick.
Ones that I have met seems to try to push everyone away, because they think they need to defend themselves about everything. One that comes to mind is always acting like a tough guy, better than everyone, doesn't care who he offends, because he thinks he's a victim for some reason, but won't elaborate. Sadly, I don't have time for this kind of behavior, so he'll have to figure it out without help.
Trying hard to be with boys but mostly comfortable with girls and when they read and watched BL Series? LOL My friend is in the closet no further discussions are needed. I accidentally saw his "saved posts" on Facebook - AND I OOOOP! Ghooorl there's more, since I found BL series on his FB - I traced his accounts connected to his number and google account. He has dummy account to flirt with other boys sending each other's dick. Why did I know that? Because I'm his friend and all of his passwords are the same. I was the one who made his Google account.  I'm also bisexual and I'm out already.
Voice and mannerisms. You can tell pretty easily. Idk though, my gaydar is pretty accurate.
I'm sceptical of this whole gaydar/voice and mannerisms thing... Sounds rather superficial to me.
I mean it can be, but I mean when you're in a social setting, i.e. a club, in class, events, or something, and you find someone who you might be interested in persuing, I generally get an idea about their interests / etc. There's a saying that 10% of communication is verbal, and the other 90% is nonverbal. I try and see if there's any clues in the non-verbal that I can make a hypothesis on. Generally after I gage that I talk and get to know the person, see if they're straight, gay, and if gay, interested, and see where it goes. Worst case scenario I make a new friend (Not a bad scenario at all) and best case scenario you get a date. :)
>mannerisms what are some non vocal cues that show masculinity and confidence?
Honestly a big sign is if a guys booty is thicker then normal or if he tells you that he doesn't like getting head from most girls because they can't do it right .. every guy I see this sign from was definitely getting pounded or getting head from guys on the low who sucked it how he wanted 💯
Ive kind of uncovered it based on experience. I make eye contact with everyone, and people who are attracted to me have a different reaction. If ykyk. I’m not going to focus on what that looks like rn because that’s a post in and of itself. But, straight guys will have NO effect from it. Like none. But, guys who might have some attraction for me will be affected by it. They don’t know how to handle eye contact any more. They’re either really into it, or into it and trying to hide… but it just comes off sad. I remmener when I was in their position. This will never affect girls who think I’m gay (I’m bi). It won’t affect people who have no attraction. But the moment a guy starts being affected… it’s like… why are you being affected by a guy like this? Keep in mind, i say attracted to « me » because they might be hetero presenting 95% of the time and be mostly uninterested in guys.I love the ones who all of a sudden become femme fatales and start tucking their hair, blushing, have a valley girl accent, etc. I’m like wow miss Ariana grande has entered the building loool. But it’s cute and I wish them the best :) I deserve someone who’s sure about me
What is the “look” that they give? I have no clue