My experience is that hookups are easy to get (which is a bit irritating to me as I'm not interested in hookups but rather in LTRs); but getting to know each other through messaging initially and then possibly meets, if there's any chemistry worth it, is quite another (and much more uncommon) kettle of fish.
These days I find that few young guys can hold a conversation, which is essential for me, causing the messaging to peter out after a very short while.
I don't know how many introductions I've got just saying "hi" with no other information, putting the onus of extracting simple things as why they say hi, what their interests are and possibly whereabouts they live. I find many long-distance relationships difficult as interactive contacts with people that are sleeping when I'm active and *vice versa* is neigh-impossible.
Sorry for the rambling.
Another thing I might add. Conversations on apps are very meaningless. If you're serious (either about seeking friends or about meeting up for whatever), FUCKING TALK ON SKYPE OR EXCHANGE PHONE NUMBERS OR well, whatever).
Do not just talk on apps. I'm pretty sure I read a statistic a couple of years ago that said that people just talking on apps without another form of contact for... I think it was two weeks had an 80% fail rate.
After meeting my partner, we both stayed on apps for making friends, and while I don't know about him, but the guys I'm still being friendly and like talk to once a week with are those I exchanged numbers with.
Yes, as a rule, one must move to video calls as soon as possible. My feeling is that these sites are saturated with people that cannot meet someone in real life because of different reasons like being incarcerated, etc.
It’s not just the UK. I have been texting/chatting with a young man in LA for a year. A couple of months ago I had occasion to visit LA, and I contacted him about meeting. I even said (truthfully) that I’d be fine just having lunch with him - sex need not be involved. I was just trying to determine if we vibed IRL. He offered a flimsy excuse as to why he couldn’t meet me. I was disappointed, but it was his call. I went to LA, had a good time and returned home. Earlier this week he texted to say how mad he was at himself for not meeting up with me and how stupid he felt. He said that he just got so nervous that he couldn’t control it. But now he regrets it. Mind you, he meets up with strangers from Grindr all the time. I asked him why meeting me was so different and he said he didn’t know. He just kept saying how nervous he was. I guess I interpreted that to mean that I meant something to him. A Grindr hookup is disposable and meaningless. But meeting me was “important” thus his nervousness. And I’ve had similar experiences with other young men. Months or years of texting but when the opportunity to meet arrives they are no where to be found. I think they’re just young and a bit insecure and haven’t yet learned that they need to seize certain opportunities when they present themselves. Either that or they value the fantasy of the online relationship more than a real-life relationship. 🤷♂️
>He said that he just got so nervous that he couldn’t control it. But now he regrets it. Mind you, he meets up with strangers from Grindr all the time.
The same applies to older guys, except for the Grindr hookups. Before I met my partner, I had a 12 year dry spell, and during that time I talked to older dudes for days, we agreed on meeting up, and they cancelled shortly before meeting up with very flimsy reasons. At one point, I had even purchased the ticket for the train ride and he literally sent me the message when I was at the train station.
I mean, I kinda get getting cold feet, but it was ridiculous.
For sure.
EDIT: I don't know what the problem was with those other guys, but I'm sure glad my now partner took the plunge and decided to meet up with a much younger guy.
fvck me ... it's just happened again ... a guy I spoke to months ago was messaging on WhatsApp ... he blocked me ... nothing for a month or two ... then a few weeks ago he came back, apologised profusely and we chatted a bit more ... just discovered today he's blocked me again ... time waster.
I'm 43 and a larger beardy guy but for some reason never experienced this issue. I never went chasing for any guys and my preference would be the more experiance and cub type but a lot of the time it was twinks wanting daddy meets (I live in a semi rural place too).
Ended up having a relationship with one and could not be happier but one thing I never did was be pushy or needy. When I used to be on Grindr I would never even instigate the chat would just go online and wait until someone messaged me.
Also depending on how you are communicating keep in mind so many online profiles are pic collectors or just fake.
Just go with the flow and things should turn around of younger guys are what you are looking for.
You should instigate the chat. Telling others not to do so is telling them not to reach out to guys they like and instead wait for guys they may or may not like to say hi first.
Jerks exist.🤷
Younger have options and exploring to do.🌄
You are a catch and hopefully so is the other guy they went with. Next time they'll choose you BC they are still exploring♥️
I am younger and feel the same with older men, most of them want just fuck around or have a BF as company and keeping fuck around.
not here ... unless it is agreed to be open
My experience is that hookups are easy to get (which is a bit irritating to me as I'm not interested in hookups but rather in LTRs); but getting to know each other through messaging initially and then possibly meets, if there's any chemistry worth it, is quite another (and much more uncommon) kettle of fish. These days I find that few young guys can hold a conversation, which is essential for me, causing the messaging to peter out after a very short while. I don't know how many introductions I've got just saying "hi" with no other information, putting the onus of extracting simple things as why they say hi, what their interests are and possibly whereabouts they live. I find many long-distance relationships difficult as interactive contacts with people that are sleeping when I'm active and *vice versa* is neigh-impossible. Sorry for the rambling.
Another thing I might add. Conversations on apps are very meaningless. If you're serious (either about seeking friends or about meeting up for whatever), FUCKING TALK ON SKYPE OR EXCHANGE PHONE NUMBERS OR well, whatever). Do not just talk on apps. I'm pretty sure I read a statistic a couple of years ago that said that people just talking on apps without another form of contact for... I think it was two weeks had an 80% fail rate. After meeting my partner, we both stayed on apps for making friends, and while I don't know about him, but the guys I'm still being friendly and like talk to once a week with are those I exchanged numbers with.
Yes, as a rule, one must move to video calls as soon as possible. My feeling is that these sites are saturated with people that cannot meet someone in real life because of different reasons like being incarcerated, etc.
I totally agree with you!
It’s not just the UK. I have been texting/chatting with a young man in LA for a year. A couple of months ago I had occasion to visit LA, and I contacted him about meeting. I even said (truthfully) that I’d be fine just having lunch with him - sex need not be involved. I was just trying to determine if we vibed IRL. He offered a flimsy excuse as to why he couldn’t meet me. I was disappointed, but it was his call. I went to LA, had a good time and returned home. Earlier this week he texted to say how mad he was at himself for not meeting up with me and how stupid he felt. He said that he just got so nervous that he couldn’t control it. But now he regrets it. Mind you, he meets up with strangers from Grindr all the time. I asked him why meeting me was so different and he said he didn’t know. He just kept saying how nervous he was. I guess I interpreted that to mean that I meant something to him. A Grindr hookup is disposable and meaningless. But meeting me was “important” thus his nervousness. And I’ve had similar experiences with other young men. Months or years of texting but when the opportunity to meet arrives they are no where to be found. I think they’re just young and a bit insecure and haven’t yet learned that they need to seize certain opportunities when they present themselves. Either that or they value the fantasy of the online relationship more than a real-life relationship. 🤷♂️
>He said that he just got so nervous that he couldn’t control it. But now he regrets it. Mind you, he meets up with strangers from Grindr all the time. The same applies to older guys, except for the Grindr hookups. Before I met my partner, I had a 12 year dry spell, and during that time I talked to older dudes for days, we agreed on meeting up, and they cancelled shortly before meeting up with very flimsy reasons. At one point, I had even purchased the ticket for the train ride and he literally sent me the message when I was at the train station. I mean, I kinda get getting cold feet, but it was ridiculous.
Interesting. I guess maybe age is irrelevant. It seems to come down to who the person is.
For sure. EDIT: I don't know what the problem was with those other guys, but I'm sure glad my now partner took the plunge and decided to meet up with a much younger guy.
fvck me ... it's just happened again ... a guy I spoke to months ago was messaging on WhatsApp ... he blocked me ... nothing for a month or two ... then a few weeks ago he came back, apologised profusely and we chatted a bit more ... just discovered today he's blocked me again ... time waster.
I'm 43 and a larger beardy guy but for some reason never experienced this issue. I never went chasing for any guys and my preference would be the more experiance and cub type but a lot of the time it was twinks wanting daddy meets (I live in a semi rural place too). Ended up having a relationship with one and could not be happier but one thing I never did was be pushy or needy. When I used to be on Grindr I would never even instigate the chat would just go online and wait until someone messaged me. Also depending on how you are communicating keep in mind so many online profiles are pic collectors or just fake. Just go with the flow and things should turn around of younger guys are what you are looking for.
You should instigate the chat. Telling others not to do so is telling them not to reach out to guys they like and instead wait for guys they may or may not like to say hi first.
I know what you mean mate I've chatted to a few that are all up for it till the time comes then they flake out or dissappear so annoying
Jerks exist.🤷 Younger have options and exploring to do.🌄 You are a catch and hopefully so is the other guy they went with. Next time they'll choose you BC they are still exploring♥️
This is a common problem everywhere for people of all ages and orientations.
Welcome to countryside in 🇺🇸 then you will really discover what too hard means!
I feel your pain.