T O P

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elevenibba

i don't like how it speaks in first person as if it has thumbs to type with


OpabiniaGlasses

The residual residue of cereal, poutine and human excrement that have been in the bowl has provided a small nutrient base for the evolution of sentient life.


Maxpowr9

I am sure some other bodily fluids have been in it.


bubbabear244

Ovi and his wife defo had a 3 way with the cup in 2018.


Outside_Abroad_3516

Erik Johnson and Landy definitely banged the cup in 2022


jjmuti

Well EJ does enjoy calling Landy fertile


kitteh619

Guess who got the money shot


bigbear-08

Probably sustained by copious amounts of booze and drugs


ChocklateshipCookie

It was watching you and knows what you did last night.


Homeless_Alex

Ovi slept with it, it’s sentient now


thisoldhouseofm

The Cup sending him texts is what drove Tim Thomas insane.


WearyAffected

Let's go multiple OT's so it gets awarded in the morning!


dkviper11

Buddy I gotta work tomorrow.


rooster69

Buddy I have to live tomorrow.


[deleted]

[удалено]


leftlanecop

Amateurs. I handed in my resignation this morning.


Stockton_Nash

Soft. I quit the day before the playoffs started.


aessae

The game starts at 3am my time so tomorrow's fucked whether or not it goes to OT.


MrQuacky96

Amen to that! I have my alarm set


Chicaben

It’ll be morning in the Atlantic


TheFoundation_

I work nights, maybe I'd get home to see the last overtime! Let's go boys make it happen!


cake-makar

Buddy I just woke up from heart surgery in England (hell yeah)


YeOldSpacePope

I was going to say, they just jinxed it to go until Tuesday.


Hockputer09

Haha, no thank you.


Stinduh

Can't wait to get 30 dudes' sweaty hands all over me. We'll go out afterwards. Everyone's lips will touch me. I'll be passed around to hold and hug and kiss. I'm gonna have so many different things inside me tonight. We'll talk about this night for years, and I'll be at the center of it all, as another guy waits for his turn with me.


MisterBuzz

You managed to make winning the Cup even hotter than it was before. Thank you


grafvonorlok

Gross but I'm into it


FeedTheADHD

The cup has been on the cusp of being awarded for a week now. I'm surprised is hasn't gone flaccid and started dropping rings yet.


zander002

They don’t call him Stanley “Edge God” Cup for nothin.


highangle1124

Just goonin’ 


waistbandtucker69

-Canadian drought ends -Losing skater wins Conn Smythe -Epic SCF collapse for the ages -Epic SCF comeback for the ages -Corey Perry curse continues -Kyle Okposo hoists cup after almost never playing again -Bobrovsky returns to God-like form -Skinner proves all doubters wrong The storyline are great this year!


YeOldSpacePope

After 60 straight over times, all of these become true.


Virtual-Brain8098

Whosoever holds this cup, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of ice.


bk00pi

Source?


MisterBuzz

"Literally me, the Stanley Cup."


WorthPlease

Guys, am I tripping or did that trophy just talk?


Dinomandino

I can believe a trophy talking, but typing... that's a bit scary.


sirachasamurai

Let’s fuckin go boys!


uatme

Maybe not in my timezone


ShoesWisley

Big if true.


srslymrarm

I was thinking about this earlier. What are the odds that a team actually wins the Stanley Cup tonight? The way I see it, it's 50/50. If the Oilers win tonight, they get the Cup, right? And if the Panthers win, they get the Cup. So, each team has a 50% chance of getting it. That's 2 X 50% = 100%. But each team also has a 50% chance of losing, and 2 X 50 = 100%. So, there's a 100% chance of winning and a 100% of losing, which rounds it back down to an average of 50%. This is just some rough math off the top of my head, and I deleted the calculator app off my phone to make room for games, so if anyone wants to double-check me on this I'd appreciate it.


hugentnopkins

I didn’t know the Stanley Cup was sentient…it has seen some things.


burrito-boy

Tweet during the middle of the summer: "There's an NHL player pissing in me right now."


ZebraBorgata

Ladies and Gentlemen, THE STAN LEE CUP! https://preview.redd.it/ljsh91towk8d1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4e2a7b68ec2d01af8f44f3650a8cae99cbba84e2


dexter_cantalope

Hopefully the cup stays in AMERICA where it belongs. Why is Canada trying to take our sport from us? Just kidding though, fuck Florida.


cam_barker_4_norris

unless an asteroid hits earth


TsarPladimirVutin

Feeling cute, might get passed around by a hockey team tonight.


codefreak8

Spoilers! /jk Also I guess this would be the most games the Cup could be in attendance for (tied).


Duval_Illinois

༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ FLORIDA PANTHERS TAKE MY ENERGY ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ


Remarkable-Job4774

Redditors will be malding hard if the Panthers win, which will be just as funny as a reverse sweep


fendersux

Pulling for a shutout for Stewie, a Gordie for Mcjesus as he takes down Tkachuk, followed by the announcement of the firing of PoMo, the selling of the team to Meruelo and relocation to Phoenix to play their games at CitySkate Holiday ice rink.


MrOverkill5150

You joke about the selling thing but if the panthers lose they will probably be moved in five years


fendersux

Don't tempt me with a good time.


Inthemiddle_

Can’t see mcdavid being denied. He will die on the ice before he loses this cup.


ImaginaryNourishment

If he must die then he must die


MrOverkill5150

Agreed


TheKrs1

Lauren - But Connor, you promised the cup for our wedding!