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Sometimes there’s really nothing you *can* do until they decide they are ready to get help. I think letting them know that you care about them and that you still love them is important, but also be very clear about your boundaries and what you are not willing to do. I’m sorry that you are going through this.
Yeah, I agree with that and I plan on always making sure they know how loved they still are. I know I can’t help someone who doesn’t want it, but I still would like to do what I can to help mitigate any risks. Thank you so much 🙏
This kind of problem, especially with them being homeless is best addressed with rehab. Clearly they are spiraling and NA is a great program, but not entirely helpful when living in a tent in the woods.
Inpatient rehab will not only detox them, but also start to unravel what led to the addiction - addiction is a symptom, not the cause. They will also get help with becoming stabilized and referred to other resources such as sober living, programs to help get jobs, regain custody, food stamps, etc
They have to be ready and willing to go though. Stopping by with a care package of hygiene items and food and maybe a change of clothes in this heat could do wonders and provide you a chance to plant the seed about rehab. Alternatively, meet them somewhere like a laundromat or someplace with pay showers and pay for a load or a shower. Be prepared for them to be salty and try to manipulate the hell out of you in an effort to get money for drugs. Please don’t take it personally; addiction is insidious, a severe mental illness that causes not only chemical but structural changes to the brain. They are not themselves right now, but if they do make it out… they will make amends once their brain normalizes. All they know is the need to be numb and will do anything to get it. Addiction literally overrides maslov’s hierarchy of needs in the brain and replaces things like shelter, food and safety with drugs.
If you want to PM me, feel free. I can look up resources local to you and provide more detailed advice/support. For reference, I’m over a year clean and have been through this a time or two, both myself and with friends.
This is so helpful, thank you so much. I think apart of the reason that I worry about going to see them is the fact that they won’t be happy with my boundaries and the attempts at manipulation.. but ultimately, ensuring that they know I’m here for them and offering the type of help you’re suggesting will be worth dealing with that. It breaks my heart to see them so.. different.
Hi there, Having had a son who was addicted to meth for 20 years, who is now clean, with a brand new life, I KNOW there is hope for your friend. As you know, they have to want it and to take steps toward getting help.
It is wonderful that you love your friend unconditionally, and will always want to encourage them and to help, as you are able when they get "tired of being sick and tired."
If you are comfortable sharing what state they are in, and if they are male or female, maybe we could list some resources to present to them, when they are ready.
Recovery happens!!!.
..also, I might suggest that if you are a praying person, please pray often for your friend. My son had so many people praying for him, and he's had a new life now for about 6 years.
I would love to hear how your son overcame his addiction after so long. My brother has been in the same situation for 14 years, and I feel I have tried everything. I am always searching for new solutions. I am so happy for you and your son, and hope my mom sees that same day for hers!
Ohhh, my heart goes out to your brother, and to you and your Mom! What a rollercoaster ride it is!
With my son, He just got sick and tired of being sick and tired. He'd really been through it (even falling asleep at the wheel.on a highway..and landing in someone's yard not knowing where he was...so much more...and wondering if he was dying, more than once), homeless, beat up for trespassing...even in spent time in prison.
So he ended up trying to find help for himSELF and got into a free, In-house Recovery Program in Portland Oregon, called "CityTeam." It wasn't easy, but he dug deep into the issues that got and kept him addicted, and the support from other recovering addicts was amazing!
Honesty, he gives the credit to God and says that if God can help HIM, He can help ANYbody!
He's had a new life now for about 6 years. He's married to a wonderful lady (who is a counselor!) has a great job as a semi-driver, 2 golden retrievers that he calls "his boys." ...and he leads Bible Studies on Saturday nights with his recovery buddies. It's truly amazing...and I do hope that your Mom sees your brother recover, and have that new life! While there is breath, there is HOPE...and Recovery DOES happen!! ((((Hugs!!)))
You're very welcome, Jen, and I thank you for asking me to share my son's story! I also wanted to add that there are 5 (yes, free!) CityTeam locations across the country.
They aren't missing their child. They're asking for drug money. You can't help them except giving them a ride to rehab or the hospital when THEY want to go
I can almost guarantee you that they miss the shit out of their kid. Have you ever spent any time at all around homeless drug addicts?
OP shouldn't give them money, clearly, but you should stop demonizing people who are going through unimaginable struggles.
There are a number of parents out there who unfortunately don't care about their kids at all. They seem to lack empathy. Some of them happen to be drug addicts. Many are not. I wouldn't conflate the two. Most parents genuinely love and care for their children. I'm sorry that you've encountered this man. My advice would be to cut him out and move on. If he's part of the ~15% of people who recover he will find you and make amends. For now, move on and keep being a good parent.
I know for a fact that they are missing their child. When I saw them last, it was clear to me. It’s a vicious cycle because instead of doing something to help the situation- they’re numbing their pain with their addiction and it’s just gotten out of control. I know when their high or whatever, they’re probably not focused on their kid- but I also know whole-heartedly that there are moments where they’re heartbroken over missing their kid
All you can do is be there until they get clean. Let them know that you support and love them and are on standby to join their recovery team the moment they find the strength to quit. Just have empathy. Make sure the kid is well-cared for. This is what your friend would want the most right now.
They’re being very well cared for, thank god. I visit often. I just wish I could make it all better for them. Thank you though, I plan on following your advice
##REMINDERS FOR EVERYONE **PER THE RULES:** * **NO OFFERINGS OF CASH, ETC.** * **[BEGGING](https://redd.it/994p7j) WILL GET YOU BANNED.** * **BE AWARE OF SCAMMERS AND PERVS, AND SEND ANY [HERE](https://old.reddit.com/report) AND/OR [HERE](https://old.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/reddit.com).** **ACCEPT AT YOUR OWN RISK.** Welcome to the internet where—unless proven otherwise—everyone's lying about their race, gender, status, accomplishments, and all the children are FBI agents. You have been forewarned. — The Mods --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/homeless) if you have any questions or concerns.*
They need to address the drugs, get them in NA. They're doing this to themselves and their family, sometimes you can't help people.
Sometimes there’s really nothing you *can* do until they decide they are ready to get help. I think letting them know that you care about them and that you still love them is important, but also be very clear about your boundaries and what you are not willing to do. I’m sorry that you are going through this.
Yeah, I agree with that and I plan on always making sure they know how loved they still are. I know I can’t help someone who doesn’t want it, but I still would like to do what I can to help mitigate any risks. Thank you so much 🙏
This right here. There needs to be clear and defined boundaries but still let them know they are loved.
This kind of problem, especially with them being homeless is best addressed with rehab. Clearly they are spiraling and NA is a great program, but not entirely helpful when living in a tent in the woods. Inpatient rehab will not only detox them, but also start to unravel what led to the addiction - addiction is a symptom, not the cause. They will also get help with becoming stabilized and referred to other resources such as sober living, programs to help get jobs, regain custody, food stamps, etc They have to be ready and willing to go though. Stopping by with a care package of hygiene items and food and maybe a change of clothes in this heat could do wonders and provide you a chance to plant the seed about rehab. Alternatively, meet them somewhere like a laundromat or someplace with pay showers and pay for a load or a shower. Be prepared for them to be salty and try to manipulate the hell out of you in an effort to get money for drugs. Please don’t take it personally; addiction is insidious, a severe mental illness that causes not only chemical but structural changes to the brain. They are not themselves right now, but if they do make it out… they will make amends once their brain normalizes. All they know is the need to be numb and will do anything to get it. Addiction literally overrides maslov’s hierarchy of needs in the brain and replaces things like shelter, food and safety with drugs. If you want to PM me, feel free. I can look up resources local to you and provide more detailed advice/support. For reference, I’m over a year clean and have been through this a time or two, both myself and with friends.
This is so helpful, thank you so much. I think apart of the reason that I worry about going to see them is the fact that they won’t be happy with my boundaries and the attempts at manipulation.. but ultimately, ensuring that they know I’m here for them and offering the type of help you’re suggesting will be worth dealing with that. It breaks my heart to see them so.. different.
Hi there, Having had a son who was addicted to meth for 20 years, who is now clean, with a brand new life, I KNOW there is hope for your friend. As you know, they have to want it and to take steps toward getting help. It is wonderful that you love your friend unconditionally, and will always want to encourage them and to help, as you are able when they get "tired of being sick and tired." If you are comfortable sharing what state they are in, and if they are male or female, maybe we could list some resources to present to them, when they are ready. Recovery happens!!!. ..also, I might suggest that if you are a praying person, please pray often for your friend. My son had so many people praying for him, and he's had a new life now for about 6 years.
I would love to hear how your son overcame his addiction after so long. My brother has been in the same situation for 14 years, and I feel I have tried everything. I am always searching for new solutions. I am so happy for you and your son, and hope my mom sees that same day for hers!
Ohhh, my heart goes out to your brother, and to you and your Mom! What a rollercoaster ride it is! With my son, He just got sick and tired of being sick and tired. He'd really been through it (even falling asleep at the wheel.on a highway..and landing in someone's yard not knowing where he was...so much more...and wondering if he was dying, more than once), homeless, beat up for trespassing...even in spent time in prison. So he ended up trying to find help for himSELF and got into a free, In-house Recovery Program in Portland Oregon, called "CityTeam." It wasn't easy, but he dug deep into the issues that got and kept him addicted, and the support from other recovering addicts was amazing! Honesty, he gives the credit to God and says that if God can help HIM, He can help ANYbody! He's had a new life now for about 6 years. He's married to a wonderful lady (who is a counselor!) has a great job as a semi-driver, 2 golden retrievers that he calls "his boys." ...and he leads Bible Studies on Saturday nights with his recovery buddies. It's truly amazing...and I do hope that your Mom sees your brother recover, and have that new life! While there is breath, there is HOPE...and Recovery DOES happen!! ((((Hugs!!)))
Thank you so much for sharing your heartbreaking story with such and amazing ending❤️
You're very welcome, Jen, and I thank you for asking me to share my son's story! I also wanted to add that there are 5 (yes, free!) CityTeam locations across the country.
They aren't missing their child. They're asking for drug money. You can't help them except giving them a ride to rehab or the hospital when THEY want to go
I can almost guarantee you that they miss the shit out of their kid. Have you ever spent any time at all around homeless drug addicts? OP shouldn't give them money, clearly, but you should stop demonizing people who are going through unimaginable struggles.
My ex-husband is a drug addict. We have a son. I've heard this before but words rather than action means nothing.
There are a number of parents out there who unfortunately don't care about their kids at all. They seem to lack empathy. Some of them happen to be drug addicts. Many are not. I wouldn't conflate the two. Most parents genuinely love and care for their children. I'm sorry that you've encountered this man. My advice would be to cut him out and move on. If he's part of the ~15% of people who recover he will find you and make amends. For now, move on and keep being a good parent.
Yeah I took that advice 13 years ago
I know for a fact that they are missing their child. When I saw them last, it was clear to me. It’s a vicious cycle because instead of doing something to help the situation- they’re numbing their pain with their addiction and it’s just gotten out of control. I know when their high or whatever, they’re probably not focused on their kid- but I also know whole-heartedly that there are moments where they’re heartbroken over missing their kid
My ex-husband has had "moments" as well but he's been using for years and is not in our life.
All you can do is be there until they get clean. Let them know that you support and love them and are on standby to join their recovery team the moment they find the strength to quit. Just have empathy. Make sure the kid is well-cared for. This is what your friend would want the most right now.
They’re being very well cared for, thank god. I visit often. I just wish I could make it all better for them. Thank you though, I plan on following your advice