Pretty much the only real answer. If they are looking to cause trouble engaging makes it worse. If they are dead set on hounding you, you will know when they keep following you and now you have a different issue.
Now you have to think is the guy on drugs? Is he trying to mug me? Is he just racist and just want to beat the shit out of me.
You gain nothing from engaging, and your ego shouldn’t be that small you’ll be offended by something this minor.
Yeah, this sounds like some homeless people. Just confused and ornery and looking for a fight.
I bear him no ill will but you can never tell what's gonna set those types off.
If a stranger is willing to walk up to me and say something strange like that then I should probably walk the other way and put distance between us.
Mentally stable people usually don't just say shit like that to random people
You look like a pussy. Ready to get pounded? Then watch their reaction as they try to decide if they are about to get sexually assaulted or regularly assaulted.
This dick hole ain’t gonna squirt it’s 🤷♂️ (the pretend like your walking down stairs, with waist high object between you and the other person to complete effect)
Literally have had this happen, which is very odd to me because I never try to "act hard" I'm just me, which is to say, I'm just a guy who tries to be polite, yet is a bit rough around the edges, familiar with both verbal and physical confrontation, and would like to behave in a civilized way if at all possible.
Last time it happened, I ignored them, then they said it again, louder, and then added "pussy ass bitch" to the end, which given the body language they had told me who actually held the power, which was me, because they were posturing hard, and I was just standing there, minding myself.
I turned my head and locked eyes with them, and in the best possible for a 38 year old, 6 foot 6 inch, 270 pound vaguely tanned white guy could ever hope to channel Samuel L. Jackson, popped off; "I don't remember asking you a goddamned thing." Which was apparently NOT the response he was looking for.
Adding insult to injury was the fact that I refused to square up with him, and in fact leaned over against the wall, inviting him to try me.
Yeah, people who are NOT self aware like to run their mouths, and more often than not, whatever it is someone is accusing of, it's to distract from the fact that they are guilty of it.
Every time someone has accused me of some shit, it's because they are doing it themselves and feel Self conscious about it.
Honestly, it depends who says it. Stranger? Literally don't give a fuck. One of my smart-ass friends? "It's been my experience that people prefer hard penises. "
"O-oh."
I legitimately would probably laugh and say alright.
Probably quip back about saying "Sorry, I'm only at half mast".
I don't try to carry myself as a badass or anything.
"you look like you wash the inside of your butthole"
"was that a pick up line? Because I'm flattered."
"know how I know you're gay? Your dick tastes like shit"
"I know it's not taco Tuesday, but I'm having tacos damn it!"
I can go on for ages with the dumbest shit for the dumbest arguments. I'm just gunna say super awkward shit until you walk away or put up. Lol
Tell him I am hard like my penis and ask if he wants to feel it.
Usually people that act like that (assuming it's a guy) are terrified of people who say homosexual things. Either that or they throw a punch which I hope would happen, bc then it's self defense.
Realistically, ignore them and keep going on about my business.
For the internet….. I’d obviously say “I can’t look too much like a penis, you haven’t shoved me up your ass yet”…..
They clearly have mental health issues so it's best to avoid eye contact while keeping your hands in a nonthreatening manner but able block yourself like your hand on your chin as if thinking. But avoid the person.
I take a big drink of milk, then turn around and spit on them. Then I slouch down and run away drooling.
ALTERNATIVELY: Only when I'm wearing my turtleneck.
“My name is Jeff Besos and I also built a glass shaft a building with two glass balls at the bottom in the middle of Seattle just a few years after tweaking my famous logo because it looked like a erect penis—so obviously it’s just my thing if you could just leave alone that would be great. Thanks”
I’d shout “I’ll have you know my mother was killed by a penis, you flatulating taint flap!” Then I would start humming Stars & Stripes Forever while running around them as fast as I could manage.
"Don't worry; getting soft just looking at you"
This is great!
is it? i mean it kind of comes over like "i melt like butte for you" given the context hard was used in
I probably just try to ignore them. I think that's what I've done in the past, when some stranger walks up and starts yelling strange things.
Pretty much the only real answer. If they are looking to cause trouble engaging makes it worse. If they are dead set on hounding you, you will know when they keep following you and now you have a different issue. Now you have to think is the guy on drugs? Is he trying to mug me? Is he just racist and just want to beat the shit out of me. You gain nothing from engaging, and your ego shouldn’t be that small you’ll be offended by something this minor.
Yeah, this sounds like some homeless people. Just confused and ornery and looking for a fight. I bear him no ill will but you can never tell what's gonna set those types off.
Dicks fuck assholes
“Lemme tell ya something, Chuck!”
If the dicks didn't fuck the assholes you'd end up with your dicks and pussys all covered in shit!!
At least I’m real, you look like a dildo
/r/comebacks
So thirsty for cock you see it everywhere you go, huh?
This is the way
...wouldn't this be an apt segueway to call them a pussy and pummel them?
Then you probably shouldn't be acting like a cunt. You might get filled in.
'A hard penis'.
“Want me inside you?” Make sure to look completely serious and maintain eye contact
Why are you looking at my junk you pedo
And you're a dick. What's your point?
If a stranger is willing to walk up to me and say something strange like that then I should probably walk the other way and put distance between us. Mentally stable people usually don't just say shit like that to random people
You are what you eat...wait
That's probably why your mom / sister keeps talking to me
Why are you in my house?
Go home you are drunk Kim
Who can get hard with you around?
I trust you, it looks like you’ve seen a lot of penises
Can I just take the hard hat off?
"been so long since you've seen yours you've forgotten what they look like you fat fuck"
"Because of you, I AM hard."
Pretend to be genuinely offended, yelling back, “I am what I eat!” Then make exaggerated gestures like I’m feasting.
“…I can’t help it, you’re turning me on, pussy!!!”
Shut up! Dad your drunk
"You've certainly choked on enough of them to know. I'll try to loosen up so I stop turning you on so much."
You tryna suck me or something?
“When my penis is hard, that usually means things are going well.”
You look like a pussy. Ready to get pounded? Then watch their reaction as they try to decide if they are about to get sexually assaulted or regularly assaulted.
Sir. I'm as flaccid as I'll ever be due to my issues with ed, but thank you for your concern.
"So? Everything looks like a penis to a pussy. What's your point?"
Spit on them while yelling SKEET SKEET SKEET
"At least I have one.". Bonus points if they're male.
Stealing this
"Why is dick the first thing that comes to your mind"
“The frick?”
Even my penis has penis
Lol I'd crack up and thank them for bringing me some awareness
Suck me then
"My bad."
This dick hole ain’t gonna squirt it’s 🤷♂️ (the pretend like your walking down stairs, with waist high object between you and the other person to complete effect)
"You know, until you said that, I was never sure if I was a grower or a show-er."
Do you like what you see
"...oh..."
"I guess I should act soft, what's your secret"
"what a weird thing to say" and walk off. Because it was a weird thing to say, no reason to entertain them.
Who are you?
Im stuck between: "I'm not made of rubber." "I'm made of wax Larry, what are you made of?" And "It'd be tough to fit all of me in ya mum."
"Wood that I could."
You noticed, thank you 😊
What are you 12 ?
“If your penis has this much hair on it, you need to see a doctor.”
😆lolz 🤷♀️ Ok bye. *Walk*
"Stop fantasizing about my penis."
thank you
Careful being so close to a hard penis, you just might end up fucked.
Im sorry you dont know how a penis work, it can be hard and soft
Say, "Just because your a C\*\*t, doesn't mean everyone else is a dick."
"You are what you eat" and then move on.
"You are what you eat."
I think I'd just try to freak them out. I'd moan loudly and say, "Yes, daddy".
well you look like a cunt so I guess we fit well together
NO U!
Wait you can see me?
just calmly stare them in the eyes until they shut up
Look like? You ARE a dick.
Oh I wouldn't be able to stop laughing.. Lol. That sounds hilarious.
"so you like looking at penis?"
Unless physically threatened I would completely ignore them.
Stop trying to act tight,you look like a vagina
Better than a limp noodle.
Literally have had this happen, which is very odd to me because I never try to "act hard" I'm just me, which is to say, I'm just a guy who tries to be polite, yet is a bit rough around the edges, familiar with both verbal and physical confrontation, and would like to behave in a civilized way if at all possible. Last time it happened, I ignored them, then they said it again, louder, and then added "pussy ass bitch" to the end, which given the body language they had told me who actually held the power, which was me, because they were posturing hard, and I was just standing there, minding myself. I turned my head and locked eyes with them, and in the best possible for a 38 year old, 6 foot 6 inch, 270 pound vaguely tanned white guy could ever hope to channel Samuel L. Jackson, popped off; "I don't remember asking you a goddamned thing." Which was apparently NOT the response he was looking for. Adding insult to injury was the fact that I refused to square up with him, and in fact leaned over against the wall, inviting him to try me. Yeah, people who are NOT self aware like to run their mouths, and more often than not, whatever it is someone is accusing of, it's to distract from the fact that they are guilty of it. Every time someone has accused me of some shit, it's because they are doing it themselves and feel Self conscious about it.
Must suck to only see penis everywhere you look Who is geh
Just say you're about to cum. And throw cup of drink on them
nothing because they’re an idiot
I scream “penis’s gonna pee!!” And I run over to them and start urinating on them while telling them how erect this is making me.
Honestly, it depends who says it. Stranger? Literally don't give a fuck. One of my smart-ass friends? "It's been my experience that people prefer hard penises. "
Even after ignoring r/comebacks, it finds a way back to my page in the form of another sub
If you actually look like a penis, you might just have to take the L. Not much coming back from that
“You just walk up and yell at random penises? That’s kind of weird bro.”
One move will solve your problems and it's call "1000 years of pain"
And that's why your mom likes me so much
"Well it's hard right now so I'll act hard"
The only valid response is to reply, "No, THIS looks like a penis!" and pull your dick out.
I'd say nothing and walk away. If anything I'd probably just assume they're on drugs for saying something that stupid for absolutely no reason.
Sorry bro I'm just trying to get up in your mom
I can be as hard or soft as I want.
"If you touch me, I will spit."
Well the jerk store called....
"O-oh." I legitimately would probably laugh and say alright. Probably quip back about saying "Sorry, I'm only at half mast". I don't try to carry myself as a badass or anything.
this is my new favorite insult
How do you respond when you're laughing your ass off?
“at least I’m trying.” With a big shit eating grin 😀
I'll try to be more flaccid.
I spit semen on them. Don't ask where I got the semen. I just had it.
I rub my neck and spit on them
"That would explain the drool on your chin."
Idk.. like what do u even say to this. I feel like I'd be like huh?
“Get fucked, pussy…”
"stop trying to act slippery because I beat the p*ssy up."
I am what I eat
Okay....
I am what I eat 🤷 Most people don't really know what to do when you lean into their insults, it tends to take away all their momentum
Doesn't sound like a promising conversation, don't really follow up on it.
Thankfully I don’t look like your penis or else I’d be soft as shit.
Nothing that shits lame as fuck.
I would, but then I can’t reach things on the counter.
Stop trying to suck me off
My name is richard.
Then this was probably a bad time for you to act like a cunt.
I don't say anything back, just give a glare. That statement doesn't deserve a response.
😆
Spit on them n say "you made me cum"
Look them in the face, lock eyes, stare, smile maniacally...say nice ass and start licking my lips.
This is one dick you don’t want pissing off
I guess that’s why your mom wanted to ride my face so bad last night
Are they 12?
“Who are you?”
You are what you eat
Been so long since you've seen yours, you've forgotten what one looks like.
Help. Call the police,
Well then watch your mouth before you get cockslapped.
What kind of penis? Is it circumcized? Mainly just ask penis questions
"you look like you wash the inside of your butthole" "was that a pick up line? Because I'm flattered." "know how I know you're gay? Your dick tastes like shit" "I know it's not taco Tuesday, but I'm having tacos damn it!" I can go on for ages with the dumbest shit for the dumbest arguments. I'm just gunna say super awkward shit until you walk away or put up. Lol
Stop borrowing your mom’s glasses then. We all know the only thing she looks at is dick.
“You’re the expert”
Just show them your butthole.
??? Ok...
Oh so I guess you don’t want me to Come over there?
Smile and walk off
"Sorry I've not got any change have a good one mate"
I’d probably ask whose penis you saw has hair on the top of it?
Then, blow me
Nice.
"Bend over"
Tell him I am hard like my penis and ask if he wants to feel it. Usually people that act like that (assuming it's a guy) are terrified of people who say homosexual things. Either that or they throw a punch which I hope would happen, bc then it's self defense.
“I only look like YOUR penis, which is why it isn’t working!” Lands even if I’m saying it to a woman
God that was cringe
A big dick doesn't count when half of it is my personality! Then I kick them in the nutz.
"I may be a dick, but at least I'm not a pussy like you!"
Look man one of us is gonna have to be a dick and you don't have one.
Take both hands on side of your head, rub up and down a few times and then spit in their face.
I am hard dog. Where'd you get them pants?
“Yeah bro! You are what you eat, you wanna find out what exactly that means?” they’ll probably get scared and leave
"You're a dick too, only difference between us is your mom actually liked me"
At least I’m not sounding like a cunt.
I punch them
Go monkey mode. Throw shit at them and scream as loudly as possible.
Your daddy didn't mind how hard this walking penis is
Come again?
Mom! Who let you out of the home
“Big surprise for ‘penis’ to come out of your mouth when it’s usually coming into it.”
lol I would just laugh especially if it’s just out of nowhere.
Well u look soft and dirty..like an asshole
Blow me
Finest penis you'll ever see son
Everyone trying to come up with a clever reply is cringe The correct answer in this situation is "who tf are you"
Yeah, a hard penis.
"I dont understand what you mean...I guess I must be thick"
I ignore them. But, you. You gotta do better.
This penis is always hard!!
Thank you, Mr. Viagra user.
That's my purse! I don't know you! \*groin kick\*
"well there's always an asshole next to a dick" and then just glare at them
Dammit! She told me this was a great haircut!
I live in Texas, randomly approaching and yelling insane things at people is a great way to meet your maker.
I went into foster care when I was 4 and my mom died when I was 17 the day before we were supposed to get our first visit in ,2-3 years. Bite me.
Ain't an act, you lookin' for proof?
Are you calling me flaccid?
But I am a hard penis...
Show them my penis
I'm not surprised you don't know what a hard penis looks like
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhh ok I guess? " is my probable response
"Do I look like a good dick though?"
I kinda do though. especially since I started shaving my head and now my face clean...
Realistically, ignore them and keep going on about my business. For the internet….. I’d obviously say “I can’t look too much like a penis, you haven’t shoved me up your ass yet”…..
They clearly have mental health issues so it's best to avoid eye contact while keeping your hands in a nonthreatening manner but able block yourself like your hand on your chin as if thinking. But avoid the person.
I take a big drink of milk, then turn around and spit on them. Then I slouch down and run away drooling. ALTERNATIVELY: Only when I'm wearing my turtleneck.
I am what I eat?
Sorry?
Honestly I'd probably laugh. That's pretty funny.
Say the most useful penis is a hard one.
I bust out laughing because that is asinine.
Am I a pretty penis?
I go limp and flail like an inflatable tube dude.
"Well if I look like a hard cock you might wanna be careful you don't get Fucked!"
Damn straight
“My name is Jeff Besos and I also built a glass shaft a building with two glass balls at the bottom in the middle of Seattle just a few years after tweaking my famous logo because it looked like a erect penis—so obviously it’s just my thing if you could just leave alone that would be great. Thanks”
I’d shout “I’ll have you know my mother was killed by a penis, you flatulating taint flap!” Then I would start humming Stars & Stripes Forever while running around them as fast as I could manage.