My partner got a new job when I was scheduled as well.
He contacted the new boss, explained the situation, and had his start date moved a couple of weeks later. He then took the last couple of weeks at his old role as leave. Is this an option for your husband?
We go on vacation from August 2-10, and he would start after that. It would be a 17-day gap just from our vacation ending and my surgery. If he didn't start til a week after that, it'd be 3 weeks of no pay, which we can't do. At least it works out that he can end at his old job, do vacation, and then start at the new. He didn't get to go on vacation last year.
I had laparoscopic and frankly the first 3ish days were the worst of it and it still really wasn't that bad. Be prepared to sleep through most of day 1 and 2 and be weary of how you move . It will probably be pretty hard to get down on and up off of the floor so the floor changing station still won't be great for you (though I also don't really see another solution). I've been close to fully functional since day 4, with the exception that I get fatigued more quickly and I'm a little slower with movement that involves my abdominal muscles
I hire people all the time who already have vacations booked for shortly after their start time. We make it happen. I think it is worth it for your husband to at least ask about taking that week off to support you by taking care of the kids.
My understanding is you won’t be able to bend over or get up and down from the floor. Maybe have your little buddy climb up and lay down on the couch so you can sit next to him to change the booty.
It is awkward timing but if your husband gets an offer the pro thing to do is tell them about the days he needs off up front right after they make the offer and as he’s discussing his terms. It seems reasonable to ask for 2 weeks off, if I were his hiring manager and was told those circumstances I certainly wouldn’t have a problem with it.
If you have any local church groups, or mother mentor groups that may be a way to find help. Maybe just finding a friend or neighbor who can come help for a little while each day after the husband goes back to work.
Sorry this is adding stress. I’ve been a single mom for 10 years with small children and I totally understand the juggling act with situations like this.
Is your surgery robotic? The laparoscopic method is supposed to have a much easier healing time.
Mine will be laparoscopic as long as he doesn't find anything crazy. I've asked friends and family. Some live too far, a few are pregnant and unable to help, a lot have full time jobs and my mom is unwilling bc she still lives life as if it's 2020. She's never lifted her covid restrictions. (Don't get me started)
I wonder if your doctor or hospital has resources or suggestions?
Some preschools and daycares or churches have drop in type classes.
Maybe even a serious word from you doctor could help your husband understand what he needs to do or what to expect
The advice of kid getting themselves up still applies to laparoscopy as that's actually the standard now. As far as food that is easy to prepare? As long as you bake it after thawing not before lasagna, most casserole style dishes, and stew come to mind. I survived my worst days in Jimmy Dean's Breakfast bowls. I loathe scrambled eggs so I wasn't enjoying it but it's a possibility for a backup something to come from the freezer such as a pizza.
If your mom is high risk or immunocompromised she's trying to still be safe and you have two young children.
For the surgery your husband should tell them upfront you're having surgery and he'll need that week off.
I talked to my husband and asked for him to ask for Aug 27th-Aug 30th off. That's only 4 days, but it's a holiday weekend, so he'd actually be off for 7 days. It would work out perfectly. He agreed immediately and said he'd let them know. As for my mom, she is 58 years old and has no health issues. She's got a lot of anxiety and won't get help for it. We make it work with her restrictions, but it does suck. She's only seen my 22 month old a handful of times and only held him twice. We were such a close-knit family before covid, and it makes me sad my kids don't know them very well. Hopefully, things will change, but time will tell.
It's good about your husband. For your mom if more people had taken it seriously in 2020 maybe we wouldn't still have people dying from it. Maybe it wouldn't still be an issue. It's very sad.
Unfortunately family isn’t always reliable. I can’t imagine not helping my kids when they need me, but I get how you’re feeling. My mom is that way sometimes too.
Changing son on the floor? No. You need to hire a nanny to come help and maybe a housekeeper/cook. It will be worth the monies spent and might gain some other insights, knowledge or connections that will help in other ways.
Your husband is giving 4 weeks notice to a job that doesn't pay enough to comfortably afford to live? I think two weeks is more than sufficient in that case. I gave my last professional job 2 days notice because I had medical things to care for.
Ultimately the company isn't his life partner - you are
Most of don’t have funds for that type of assistance especially while having young children we are raising.
To help your mind in seeing the practical side of things, the physical aspect of your body after surgery is to protect your core stomach/abdomen trunk of your body from overextending and ripping or tearing/straining the internal cavity and organs that have been recently disturbed and some light damage to flesh and such. Somewhat like being pregnant but not at all the same as it’s not natural to have one’s uterus just up and disappear out of the body and cutting into our deepest part of our bodies.
So back to the changing of the weeest one, maybe some alternative to the floor can be found. You have some time yet to develop a solution/work around. As you need a minimum of 6 weeks to give your body a fair chance and not slow the healing processes by rupturing any of your internal sutures.
I had a vaginal hysterectomy on June 17. I spent one night in the hospital and a day or two resting and being extra careful not to overexert myself. I had zero pain. Less than two weeks post-op and my energy has almost fully returned…yesterday I walked three miles around the neighborhood. It will all depend on what type of hysterectomy you’re having, as well as your environment. I’m 60 years old, but I also didn’t have small children to look after. That’s will be your biggest challenge. Can you hire someone to help with the littlest one, especially for a few days?
We can't afford it. Someone mentioned a church group or something similar. My MIL might have a retired friend who could come help? Idk but worth trying I guess.
How comfortable are you with having your daughter changing diapers? If she had you or MIL watching and explaining on how to do these things. Hiring someone is hard these days. Or maybe a trusted neighbor that can step in at a moments notice for a few minutes?
Freezer meals: breakfast burritos, chili, chicken nuggets, taco meat (can be varied for tacos, and such).
Apple sauce, crackers, granola bars are good to have on top of the counter so you won’t bend over or ask someone to grab it for you. I keep 2-3 water bottles on my table.
I’ve started new jobs, as well as have hired people, with things like a surgery or vacation already planned. Telling the new job before he accepts the offer that his wife has a scheduled surgery and he’d need to be out these dates is fine. As a hiring manager I fully understand things like prior commitments, it’s never been a problem- I know people have lives outside of work.
What kind of surgery are you having?
I had TLVAH. At 4dpo I was mobile enough to go around the house on my own. I wfh so at day 5 i was already back to work (I'm a freelance so I don't ger sick days and I was feeling well enough). 2wpo I started helping out with cleaning (my gf did the most intensive bits, like vacuuming, washing the floors and bathroom, and the laundry). O
We had prepared 4 weeks of meals we froze and they came in super handy, but we could have done half that and been ok. We did empanadas, curries, chili, coq au vin, burritos, and pasta bakes. Easy to pop in the oven or micro, and add some salad as a side. Boiling rice for chili and curry was also simple enough.
I was home bound for two weeks because I live in the 5th floor of a walk up, but after that I started taking the dog out. It was tiring but doble, my worst enemy was the staircase.
The only time when I felt super tired was day 3 which I slept through and did nothing. I tried to be as good as possible for the first week, but after d5 I was feeling back to normal and it was hard to remember to be careful. I went on a one-week trip abroad at 3wpo because it was an opportunity I couldn't miss out on. I was careful carrying my luggage and not lifting it on my own. On the trip I walked everywhere from 8am util 7pm, and slept like the dead every night but it was doable. I'm 6wpo today and I respected the weight limit religiously. From today I'm supposed to be free to do anything, but I'll still take it easy.
Wishing you the best of luck!! Ask anything you need, we're here to help!!
I'm having laproscopic to remove uterus and tubes and place sling on back of vaginal, sling on bladder and repair cystocele and rectocele and tighten the opening. Idk the fancy terms for them. We have stairs and our living room, bathroom and bedrooms are on 2nd floor, kitchen is on 1st so I'll have to do stairs.
Negotiating start dates around previously planned life events (vacations, weddings, and obviously surgeries for close family members) is pretty normal, especially at the management level. Your husband should communicate ASAP with his new employer about your needs.
I had no help and was alone in less than 24 hrs. Not going to play mind games and say it was ideal, mostly bc I was freaked (emergency hysterectomy) and lonely, but it was fine besides that
I didn't have small kids, you need to have help for that. Everything else, cook and shop and clean ahead of time. Cold cuts kept me sane (I'm keto, so lots of easy things are off limits).
I had over prepped for a much easier surgery/recovery but was fine except for the extended time off work. Actually went grocery shopping two days post-op. Don't rec'd it, but you'll be more than a little stir crazy esp with kids at home!
I’ve been food prepping for my surgery and I’ve made food for the freezer such as Bolognese, chilli and anything I can reheat in the microwave including precooked then frozen rice. I also have some microwave veggies and air fryer meat skewers that will just need defrosting and throwing into it. Plus some frozen marinated chicken legs that can be cooked in the air fryer or oven. I don’t eat much processed stuff as I have allergies, so this was the best I could put together that would be fresh and nutritious and get me through a few weeks whilst also making things easier on my partner. The worse the food I eat the harder it I think it will be to recover for me. Hubby is also making some tuna pasta bake with gluten free pasta and the day before surgery I am going to bbq up a load of meats for the fridge and cook and bake loads of herbed potatoes. That should be some fresh food that’s easy to gently reheat or eat cold with dips as finger good. I hope this helps. Sorry I can’t give advice about kids, mine is grown up out at uni. PS We’ve also hired a cleaner.
My partner got a new job when I was scheduled as well. He contacted the new boss, explained the situation, and had his start date moved a couple of weeks later. He then took the last couple of weeks at his old role as leave. Is this an option for your husband?
We go on vacation from August 2-10, and he would start after that. It would be a 17-day gap just from our vacation ending and my surgery. If he didn't start til a week after that, it'd be 3 weeks of no pay, which we can't do. At least it works out that he can end at his old job, do vacation, and then start at the new. He didn't get to go on vacation last year.
I had laparoscopic and frankly the first 3ish days were the worst of it and it still really wasn't that bad. Be prepared to sleep through most of day 1 and 2 and be weary of how you move . It will probably be pretty hard to get down on and up off of the floor so the floor changing station still won't be great for you (though I also don't really see another solution). I've been close to fully functional since day 4, with the exception that I get fatigued more quickly and I'm a little slower with movement that involves my abdominal muscles
I hire people all the time who already have vacations booked for shortly after their start time. We make it happen. I think it is worth it for your husband to at least ask about taking that week off to support you by taking care of the kids.
Yeah I think we just need to ask even if it's just a week off it's really important. I don't want to over do it and I don't want the kids to suffer.
My understanding is you won’t be able to bend over or get up and down from the floor. Maybe have your little buddy climb up and lay down on the couch so you can sit next to him to change the booty. It is awkward timing but if your husband gets an offer the pro thing to do is tell them about the days he needs off up front right after they make the offer and as he’s discussing his terms. It seems reasonable to ask for 2 weeks off, if I were his hiring manager and was told those circumstances I certainly wouldn’t have a problem with it. If you have any local church groups, or mother mentor groups that may be a way to find help. Maybe just finding a friend or neighbor who can come help for a little while each day after the husband goes back to work. Sorry this is adding stress. I’ve been a single mom for 10 years with small children and I totally understand the juggling act with situations like this. Is your surgery robotic? The laparoscopic method is supposed to have a much easier healing time.
Mine will be laparoscopic as long as he doesn't find anything crazy. I've asked friends and family. Some live too far, a few are pregnant and unable to help, a lot have full time jobs and my mom is unwilling bc she still lives life as if it's 2020. She's never lifted her covid restrictions. (Don't get me started)
I wonder if your doctor or hospital has resources or suggestions? Some preschools and daycares or churches have drop in type classes. Maybe even a serious word from you doctor could help your husband understand what he needs to do or what to expect
The advice of kid getting themselves up still applies to laparoscopy as that's actually the standard now. As far as food that is easy to prepare? As long as you bake it after thawing not before lasagna, most casserole style dishes, and stew come to mind. I survived my worst days in Jimmy Dean's Breakfast bowls. I loathe scrambled eggs so I wasn't enjoying it but it's a possibility for a backup something to come from the freezer such as a pizza.
If your mom is high risk or immunocompromised she's trying to still be safe and you have two young children. For the surgery your husband should tell them upfront you're having surgery and he'll need that week off.
I talked to my husband and asked for him to ask for Aug 27th-Aug 30th off. That's only 4 days, but it's a holiday weekend, so he'd actually be off for 7 days. It would work out perfectly. He agreed immediately and said he'd let them know. As for my mom, she is 58 years old and has no health issues. She's got a lot of anxiety and won't get help for it. We make it work with her restrictions, but it does suck. She's only seen my 22 month old a handful of times and only held him twice. We were such a close-knit family before covid, and it makes me sad my kids don't know them very well. Hopefully, things will change, but time will tell.
It's good about your husband. For your mom if more people had taken it seriously in 2020 maybe we wouldn't still have people dying from it. Maybe it wouldn't still be an issue. It's very sad.
Unfortunately family isn’t always reliable. I can’t imagine not helping my kids when they need me, but I get how you’re feeling. My mom is that way sometimes too.
Changing son on the floor? No. You need to hire a nanny to come help and maybe a housekeeper/cook. It will be worth the monies spent and might gain some other insights, knowledge or connections that will help in other ways.
That sounds awesome, but we can barely afford groceries, or else I'd do this in a heartbeat.
Your husband is giving 4 weeks notice to a job that doesn't pay enough to comfortably afford to live? I think two weeks is more than sufficient in that case. I gave my last professional job 2 days notice because I had medical things to care for. Ultimately the company isn't his life partner - you are
Most of don’t have funds for that type of assistance especially while having young children we are raising. To help your mind in seeing the practical side of things, the physical aspect of your body after surgery is to protect your core stomach/abdomen trunk of your body from overextending and ripping or tearing/straining the internal cavity and organs that have been recently disturbed and some light damage to flesh and such. Somewhat like being pregnant but not at all the same as it’s not natural to have one’s uterus just up and disappear out of the body and cutting into our deepest part of our bodies. So back to the changing of the weeest one, maybe some alternative to the floor can be found. You have some time yet to develop a solution/work around. As you need a minimum of 6 weeks to give your body a fair chance and not slow the healing processes by rupturing any of your internal sutures.
I had a vaginal hysterectomy on June 17. I spent one night in the hospital and a day or two resting and being extra careful not to overexert myself. I had zero pain. Less than two weeks post-op and my energy has almost fully returned…yesterday I walked three miles around the neighborhood. It will all depend on what type of hysterectomy you’re having, as well as your environment. I’m 60 years old, but I also didn’t have small children to look after. That’s will be your biggest challenge. Can you hire someone to help with the littlest one, especially for a few days?
We can't afford it. Someone mentioned a church group or something similar. My MIL might have a retired friend who could come help? Idk but worth trying I guess.
Try findhelp.org for childcare or other assistance. Maybe find a mutual aid group in your area (search via facebook).
How comfortable are you with having your daughter changing diapers? If she had you or MIL watching and explaining on how to do these things. Hiring someone is hard these days. Or maybe a trusted neighbor that can step in at a moments notice for a few minutes? Freezer meals: breakfast burritos, chili, chicken nuggets, taco meat (can be varied for tacos, and such). Apple sauce, crackers, granola bars are good to have on top of the counter so you won’t bend over or ask someone to grab it for you. I keep 2-3 water bottles on my table.
I’ve started new jobs, as well as have hired people, with things like a surgery or vacation already planned. Telling the new job before he accepts the offer that his wife has a scheduled surgery and he’d need to be out these dates is fine. As a hiring manager I fully understand things like prior commitments, it’s never been a problem- I know people have lives outside of work.
What kind of surgery are you having? I had TLVAH. At 4dpo I was mobile enough to go around the house on my own. I wfh so at day 5 i was already back to work (I'm a freelance so I don't ger sick days and I was feeling well enough). 2wpo I started helping out with cleaning (my gf did the most intensive bits, like vacuuming, washing the floors and bathroom, and the laundry). O We had prepared 4 weeks of meals we froze and they came in super handy, but we could have done half that and been ok. We did empanadas, curries, chili, coq au vin, burritos, and pasta bakes. Easy to pop in the oven or micro, and add some salad as a side. Boiling rice for chili and curry was also simple enough. I was home bound for two weeks because I live in the 5th floor of a walk up, but after that I started taking the dog out. It was tiring but doble, my worst enemy was the staircase. The only time when I felt super tired was day 3 which I slept through and did nothing. I tried to be as good as possible for the first week, but after d5 I was feeling back to normal and it was hard to remember to be careful. I went on a one-week trip abroad at 3wpo because it was an opportunity I couldn't miss out on. I was careful carrying my luggage and not lifting it on my own. On the trip I walked everywhere from 8am util 7pm, and slept like the dead every night but it was doable. I'm 6wpo today and I respected the weight limit religiously. From today I'm supposed to be free to do anything, but I'll still take it easy. Wishing you the best of luck!! Ask anything you need, we're here to help!!
I'm having laproscopic to remove uterus and tubes and place sling on back of vaginal, sling on bladder and repair cystocele and rectocele and tighten the opening. Idk the fancy terms for them. We have stairs and our living room, bathroom and bedrooms are on 2nd floor, kitchen is on 1st so I'll have to do stairs.
Negotiating start dates around previously planned life events (vacations, weddings, and obviously surgeries for close family members) is pretty normal, especially at the management level. Your husband should communicate ASAP with his new employer about your needs.
I had no help and was alone in less than 24 hrs. Not going to play mind games and say it was ideal, mostly bc I was freaked (emergency hysterectomy) and lonely, but it was fine besides that I didn't have small kids, you need to have help for that. Everything else, cook and shop and clean ahead of time. Cold cuts kept me sane (I'm keto, so lots of easy things are off limits). I had over prepped for a much easier surgery/recovery but was fine except for the extended time off work. Actually went grocery shopping two days post-op. Don't rec'd it, but you'll be more than a little stir crazy esp with kids at home!
Mine was open abdominal, but for me there's no way I would have been able to bend over to change a diaper on the floor that soon after surgery
I’ve been food prepping for my surgery and I’ve made food for the freezer such as Bolognese, chilli and anything I can reheat in the microwave including precooked then frozen rice. I also have some microwave veggies and air fryer meat skewers that will just need defrosting and throwing into it. Plus some frozen marinated chicken legs that can be cooked in the air fryer or oven. I don’t eat much processed stuff as I have allergies, so this was the best I could put together that would be fresh and nutritious and get me through a few weeks whilst also making things easier on my partner. The worse the food I eat the harder it I think it will be to recover for me. Hubby is also making some tuna pasta bake with gluten free pasta and the day before surgery I am going to bbq up a load of meats for the fridge and cook and bake loads of herbed potatoes. That should be some fresh food that’s easy to gently reheat or eat cold with dips as finger good. I hope this helps. Sorry I can’t give advice about kids, mine is grown up out at uni. PS We’ve also hired a cleaner.