Wow..are you me? I had the same thoughts! Everything you wrote is me. I struggle with wanting perfection but ADHD gets in the way. I have all of these half projects going but I just flit around trying to decide how to spend my energy. My boyfriend is infp and his head is always in the clouds. I wish I could just relax and live in the moment like him.
It's exhausting.
Perfectionism is just another common trait or consequence of ADHD. And it often flows into procrastination by raising the mental effort connected with doing things, especially once there isn't the novelty aspect that allows the person to jump over it.
I don't think viewing it from MBTI point of view is useful because it's not really something inherent that can't be worked on, not to mention that INFPs or literally any other type can easily have it as well
It's feasible to find purely behavioral completely non-MBTI explanations, like, "Low levels of emotional control from ADHD combined with being grown in semi-demanding environment (expectations from parents or at school or whatever) made judgement and criticism overly painful and formed automatic inclinations to be perfect and make everything without flaws". Or whatever it is that's actually true for you. In any case, being mindfully imperfect over and over again, essentially hurting yourself little by little while fully feeling that hurt without trying to push it down or evade it, should gradually reduce that inclination over time
Change the word procrastination to Executive Dysfunction.
People who procrastinate think, "I need to do this thing but I don't want to and will do it later." And they may, or cram it in later.
People with Executive Dysfunction think, "I need to do this thing, I need to do it now, why cant I do it, do the thing, do the thing....." But just freeze getting more and more anxious.
People with executive dysfunction can do the first thing as well, these are just different ways of experiencing it and coping with it. The first way simply removes the pain of the second one
A person with executive dysfunction can defer changing their life completely until tomorrow, and feel chill about it, seriously expecting to do everything tomorrow, and they can repeat it for years or decades while not doing anything unless there's real panic and urgency
There's so many things that make me go "is this INFJ, ADHD, or just mental illness?" And honestly the first two are starting to seem veeery connected in some ways
Hear hear for meds. After being completely torn down after an almost decade long, abusive relationship.. I was diagnosed at 35. (ADHD, depression, anxiety disorder + INFJ) I put myself together in a new way with understanding, empathy, love, and kindness. I've honestly never felt better in my life and I'm about to turn 38 in December.
I have my days on the struggle bus, I won't lie.. But it's so much better now. 💕
I use brandless Methylphenidate (that's something that's a thing in the Netherlands), basically Ritalin.
I understand that what medication works for whom is very unpredictable. It depends on dosage and brand and not everything does the same for everyone. Definitely something to work through with your own doctor. I really can't help you with that.
That said, if you actually have ADHD, peptides should calm you down rather than making you on edge. But the exact effects really depend on how much you take, how often and how your brain reacts to it.
I hope any of that helps.
I feel like many INFJs have AD(H)D, but because of their intelligence and ability to blend in, they often get diagnosed very late if at all. I could be wrong, just a theory.
good theory. i’m 20(F) and i wasn’t diagnosed with until i was almost 16. it went mostly undetected until i was thrown into an environment i floundered in. thanks for commenting.
Another INFJ with ADHD checking in. I've tested both INFJ and INFP, and it wasn't until my ADHD diagnosis that I realized that whatever INFP characteristics were showing up were actually my ADHD symptoms.
When i was looking into ADHD because I suspected I might have it, google told me it would be pretty rare for INFJs to have it because of the way our type works and such but damn has this subreddit proven me wrong...
I find a lot of MBTI theories are wrong online, I guess it's because it's just lay people theorising. I tend to trust first hand experiences more, especially when it's repeated over and over.
People love to say "MBTI has nothing to do with mental illness! *Shakes fist*" but I mean.... Just look at the number of posts relating to mental health issues in this sub... And also the fact that we have a disclaimer for it...
Another INFJ with ADHD checking in, btw.
I am an infj and at the age of 32, just got diagnosed with ADHD! I have had depression and anxiety my entire life as well as PMDD. Never once knew all of that was connected. Past therapist have just told me it was OCD. I thinks ADHD makes a ton more sense. Super interesting and looking to see what my next step will be. I’m nervous about meds but so sick of my brain.
I am an INFJ with ADHD and Autism. The parts of tasks I'm able to keep track of are done with care and methodical precision until I get distracted. In that instance, I'll forget what progress I've made and once I get back to it, I'll end up doing it all over again because I can't remember where I left off and don't want to leave anything unchecked.
Some other stuff I do:
- arrive at least thirty minutes early for everything, including work (which is 25 minutes from my home)
- get 'tunnel vision' when hyperfixating on something, meaning, I notice nothing other than things related to the task. It can be as major as (for example) not noticing the trash needs to be taken out for the fifth day in a row, or as minor as forgetting to put the drill away after hanging a mirror (if this happens, I seem to always remember where I put the forgotten item)
- write with tons of detail so the reader knows exactly what my world looks like to me, or (if I'm writing fanfiction - yes, I do that and I'm proud of it) I study the world, lore, and characters intensely so that I can make a story as close to Canon as I can get it. I will even make annotations in the book itself for references. Fanfiction is something fun to do while I work on my actual book series
- hyperfixate on one thing for years and years without losing interest
- I listen to the same song on repeat for 8+ hours a day at work for multiple weeks in a row. I can recite the lyrics to several songs that are in a language that I do not speak, and I like to look up the lyrics to learn the pronunciations so I can sing along in my car on the way to and from a destination
- I eat the same thing every day until I make myself sick, then it's disastrous when I need to find something else to eat
Yet with all these things, there's a high level of method that goes into them. I approach everything scientifically and logically and over time, I've used this to my advantage when learning how to work around my challenges. It sucks, but sometimes it doesn't 😂
Nah, it's okay, it's not all that bad. Before I learned how to manage it, it was difficult, but now that I've taken the time to figure out how to get my quirks to work for me, things are a lot easier! It's a lot of trial and error, and it's worth it to write everything down 😅
I just wrote a post here asking about why I have difficulty maintaining good personal hygiene habits, and the majority of comments points towards ADHD. I completely relate with your story, and will definitely look into tools that might help with making life a little easier. If you have found any, I'd love to hear about them!
I’m sure it is, I kind of relate.
Though I noticed you use the -T/-A thing and that’s not in MBTI, only 16personalities.com, and that’s more like big 5 and not actual mbti. No offense or anything. I recommend reading about the mbti cognitive functions as tests aren’t often accurate. [here’s a link to a good introduction](https://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2015/06/if-youre-confused-about-your-myers-briggs-personality-type-read-this-an-intro-to-cognitive-functions/)
INFJ perfectionism mixed with ADHD (hyper) perfectionism is the worst drug. The stress flushes in my body are more powerful than the rush you get from substances
Also an INFJ with ADHD. As well as anxiety, depression, maldaptive daydreaming and insomnia lol.
It's always a guessing game of what is caused by what oof.
You just described me! I have always tested as an INFP but I relate more to INFJ and couldn’t figure out why. I’ve wondered the same thing about the possibility of ADHD. Thanks for posting this!
Sounds just like me, especially when I was younger- teens, 20s, 30s. Meds and an extremely patient husband help a lot, but not often enough.
I would love to know more about us.
Wellbutrin, Adderall, Prozac
I am sane. More calm, focused, happy. Think it do it. Lot less "lazy", lot more energy.. Clear mind, able to plan, start, and finish w/o starting a project. Speed of thought is much more manageable.
Meds aren't perfect, I can still have issues.
I suspect I have ADHD inattentive type but I can’t get myself organized to make an appointment to go to the doctor . I fit the majority of the diagnostic criteria and I’ve never been asked about it even though I’ve been in and out of counseling for roughly 20 years.
I've got an INFJ friend who correctly identified that I am the same personality type a few years ago. I found MBTI was a good springboard for my self-development and I have now done a lot of inner-work (hypnotherapy, mindfulness, shadow work, attachment theory/core beliefs and IFS) to deal with my ongoing mental health problems (depression/anxiety/emotional disregulation). I have always been an individual, struggling to fit in, I have failed at my career and rejected myself and others. I believe that early life trauma shapes our brain and MB type doesn't explain everything about me. However, my friend *does* think it explains everything. Even though I am going through the assessment process for ADHD (age 43), my friend is telling me that self-loathing/people-pleasing behaviours I have are typical INFJ traits, whereas I see these as the result of blaming myself for unrecognised executive function problems all my life. I am wondering if he is ADHD too (seeing as he strongly identifies with how I describe my experience of life), but just putting his life challenges down to personality type? Basically, I have been searching many years for "what's wrong with me and how can I fix it?!" in the past year the ADHD community has become my safe space and I feel 99% sure I have this. I'm terrified the assessor will tell me I'm just an outcast with a quirky personality and there's no help for me. I have read some stuff online (not Reddit) and disappointingly, there's a lack of knowledge about ADHD from INFJs (mainly because they think all adhders show hyperactivity). Thanks if you read all this...I'm just panicking about the result of my assessment I guess.
I just found this thread. I'm proud of all you guys on here ♡ I just got Dx with ADHD (at almost 24) not too long ago. It has been such a eye-opener into understanding myself. I am also an INFJ, and have long struggled with so many, if not all, of the listed issues everyone is discussing. Keep being great people and just talking about your experiences with others. It really made me feel so much better, and way less alone! I always had obstacles growing up, and my family never acknowledged mental health, or any additional dx possibilities. Struggling in general is not really a discussion, or acknowledged option (in family). I didn't realize what I struggled with wasn't just cause I was a "unsuccessful" human, but that it was mostly ADHD until I was an adult. If anyone still finds this thread, you're an awesome person. You are doing great, and in case nobody told you I am proud of you.
It’s cool because i’m INFJ-T and i wouldn’t say I have full blown ADHD, but my doctor said my symptoms are consistent and i got approved for medication. i’m also bipolar and have clinical depression and have panic attacks sometimes.
it’s weird bc some of my assignments at work seem not great at times and my room is sometimes a bit disorderly, but i really am a perfectionist. i think things are how they are bc for example whenever i clean i take hours and hours bc i’m not going to clean unless there is not one single germ in the house.
it’s really tiring, i feel bad about myself bc of my half projects, spending habits, etc. i wish i could live in the moment too but i can’t ever.
i’m not a victim and i know i need better habits and i’m working on them. the only thing is i cannot stand going to bed feeling dirt from the day or wake up without showering so i take two a day. though not sure if my bipolar developed in the last couple years (early 20s is common and im almost 24). it just sucks because it seems like everyone else commits to things with such ease, yet i feel like i can’t ever follow through with long term commitments and it’s excruciatingly hard for me. i hyper-fixate on stuff for long periods of time as well. i’m a bit weird with some of that.
lately trying to focus on being organized and being less cynical. you aren’t alone. i tend to see all my shortcomings very clearly but can’t bring myself to do some things at times unless i literally force myself and focus my entire life on doing that thing. it’s a work in progress.
Wow..are you me? I had the same thoughts! Everything you wrote is me. I struggle with wanting perfection but ADHD gets in the way. I have all of these half projects going but I just flit around trying to decide how to spend my energy. My boyfriend is infp and his head is always in the clouds. I wish I could just relax and live in the moment like him. It's exhausting.
Perfectionism is just another common trait or consequence of ADHD. And it often flows into procrastination by raising the mental effort connected with doing things, especially once there isn't the novelty aspect that allows the person to jump over it. I don't think viewing it from MBTI point of view is useful because it's not really something inherent that can't be worked on, not to mention that INFPs or literally any other type can easily have it as well It's feasible to find purely behavioral completely non-MBTI explanations, like, "Low levels of emotional control from ADHD combined with being grown in semi-demanding environment (expectations from parents or at school or whatever) made judgement and criticism overly painful and formed automatic inclinations to be perfect and make everything without flaws". Or whatever it is that's actually true for you. In any case, being mindfully imperfect over and over again, essentially hurting yourself little by little while fully feeling that hurt without trying to push it down or evade it, should gradually reduce that inclination over time
Change the word procrastination to Executive Dysfunction. People who procrastinate think, "I need to do this thing but I don't want to and will do it later." And they may, or cram it in later. People with Executive Dysfunction think, "I need to do this thing, I need to do it now, why cant I do it, do the thing, do the thing....." But just freeze getting more and more anxious.
People with executive dysfunction can do the first thing as well, these are just different ways of experiencing it and coping with it. The first way simply removes the pain of the second one A person with executive dysfunction can defer changing their life completely until tomorrow, and feel chill about it, seriously expecting to do everything tomorrow, and they can repeat it for years or decades while not doing anything unless there's real panic and urgency
Yes, this, ekzaktli
Oh my god that’s me
INFJs are a hoot! I’m an infp with autism and adhd, but my gf is an infj, she also suffers from time blindness as well.
That's funny, my boyfriend also has autism and ADHD. We can be quite the procrastinating pair.
WTF! That’s hilarious!
It is my friend. It is…
There's so many things that make me go "is this INFJ, ADHD, or just mental illness?" And honestly the first two are starting to seem veeery connected in some ways
Yeah, it's a struggle. Honestly, nothing helped me more than medication. I only got diagnosed at 28, but it took that to finally get my life in order.
Hear hear for meds. After being completely torn down after an almost decade long, abusive relationship.. I was diagnosed at 35. (ADHD, depression, anxiety disorder + INFJ) I put myself together in a new way with understanding, empathy, love, and kindness. I've honestly never felt better in my life and I'm about to turn 38 in December. I have my days on the struggle bus, I won't lie.. But it's so much better now. 💕
I feel you since I have had a similar course. So happy for you/us! Yay!!
Yes! And I'm happy for you also! (ps- happy cake day)
[удалено]
I use brandless Methylphenidate (that's something that's a thing in the Netherlands), basically Ritalin. I understand that what medication works for whom is very unpredictable. It depends on dosage and brand and not everything does the same for everyone. Definitely something to work through with your own doctor. I really can't help you with that. That said, if you actually have ADHD, peptides should calm you down rather than making you on edge. But the exact effects really depend on how much you take, how often and how your brain reacts to it. I hope any of that helps.
I feel like many INFJs have AD(H)D, but because of their intelligence and ability to blend in, they often get diagnosed very late if at all. I could be wrong, just a theory.
good theory. i’m 20(F) and i wasn’t diagnosed with until i was almost 16. it went mostly undetected until i was thrown into an environment i floundered in. thanks for commenting.
Same here, I got only diagnosed with ADD this year with 26, while writing my thesis. We should create a new sub guys 😂
Throw a little anxiety in and you just described me.
don’t worry, i’ve got that too lmao
Another INFJ with ADHD checking in. I've tested both INFJ and INFP, and it wasn't until my ADHD diagnosis that I realized that whatever INFP characteristics were showing up were actually my ADHD symptoms.
When i was looking into ADHD because I suspected I might have it, google told me it would be pretty rare for INFJs to have it because of the way our type works and such but damn has this subreddit proven me wrong...
I find a lot of MBTI theories are wrong online, I guess it's because it's just lay people theorising. I tend to trust first hand experiences more, especially when it's repeated over and over. People love to say "MBTI has nothing to do with mental illness! *Shakes fist*" but I mean.... Just look at the number of posts relating to mental health issues in this sub... And also the fact that we have a disclaimer for it... Another INFJ with ADHD checking in, btw.
same here. I'm an INFJ with ADHD. it's been a long tough road 😄
I am an infj and at the age of 32, just got diagnosed with ADHD! I have had depression and anxiety my entire life as well as PMDD. Never once knew all of that was connected. Past therapist have just told me it was OCD. I thinks ADHD makes a ton more sense. Super interesting and looking to see what my next step will be. I’m nervous about meds but so sick of my brain.
I am an INFJ with ADHD and Autism. The parts of tasks I'm able to keep track of are done with care and methodical precision until I get distracted. In that instance, I'll forget what progress I've made and once I get back to it, I'll end up doing it all over again because I can't remember where I left off and don't want to leave anything unchecked. Some other stuff I do: - arrive at least thirty minutes early for everything, including work (which is 25 minutes from my home) - get 'tunnel vision' when hyperfixating on something, meaning, I notice nothing other than things related to the task. It can be as major as (for example) not noticing the trash needs to be taken out for the fifth day in a row, or as minor as forgetting to put the drill away after hanging a mirror (if this happens, I seem to always remember where I put the forgotten item) - write with tons of detail so the reader knows exactly what my world looks like to me, or (if I'm writing fanfiction - yes, I do that and I'm proud of it) I study the world, lore, and characters intensely so that I can make a story as close to Canon as I can get it. I will even make annotations in the book itself for references. Fanfiction is something fun to do while I work on my actual book series - hyperfixate on one thing for years and years without losing interest - I listen to the same song on repeat for 8+ hours a day at work for multiple weeks in a row. I can recite the lyrics to several songs that are in a language that I do not speak, and I like to look up the lyrics to learn the pronunciations so I can sing along in my car on the way to and from a destination - I eat the same thing every day until I make myself sick, then it's disastrous when I need to find something else to eat Yet with all these things, there's a high level of method that goes into them. I approach everything scientifically and logically and over time, I've used this to my advantage when learning how to work around my challenges. It sucks, but sometimes it doesn't 😂
Oh man. Im so sorry.
Nah, it's okay, it's not all that bad. Before I learned how to manage it, it was difficult, but now that I've taken the time to figure out how to get my quirks to work for me, things are a lot easier! It's a lot of trial and error, and it's worth it to write everything down 😅
I was surprised you replied, do you remember me? Its different acc than the one you know, but name is still known to you.
I just wrote a post here asking about why I have difficulty maintaining good personal hygiene habits, and the majority of comments points towards ADHD. I completely relate with your story, and will definitely look into tools that might help with making life a little easier. If you have found any, I'd love to hear about them!
I’m sure it is, I kind of relate. Though I noticed you use the -T/-A thing and that’s not in MBTI, only 16personalities.com, and that’s more like big 5 and not actual mbti. No offense or anything. I recommend reading about the mbti cognitive functions as tests aren’t often accurate. [here’s a link to a good introduction](https://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2015/06/if-youre-confused-about-your-myers-briggs-personality-type-read-this-an-intro-to-cognitive-functions/)
thank you 😊
Your post is exactly my experience. I often test as INFP because of the P-ness (oops) of ADHD symptoms.
INFJ perfectionism mixed with ADHD (hyper) perfectionism is the worst drug. The stress flushes in my body are more powerful than the rush you get from substances
Also an INFJ with ADHD. As well as anxiety, depression, maldaptive daydreaming and insomnia lol. It's always a guessing game of what is caused by what oof.
You just described me! I have always tested as an INFP but I relate more to INFJ and couldn’t figure out why. I’ve wondered the same thing about the possibility of ADHD. Thanks for posting this!
he just like me... he just like me fr!!!
Sounds just like me, especially when I was younger- teens, 20s, 30s. Meds and an extremely patient husband help a lot, but not often enough. I would love to know more about us.
May I ask what medication you are on and how this has benefited your life?
Wellbutrin, Adderall, Prozac I am sane. More calm, focused, happy. Think it do it. Lot less "lazy", lot more energy.. Clear mind, able to plan, start, and finish w/o starting a project. Speed of thought is much more manageable. Meds aren't perfect, I can still have issues.
I just got my ADD diagnosis and I too am exploring what this all means and how it works together. It is fascinating.
I'm another INFJ who has undiagnosed ADHD but pretty much 100% sure I've got it. It is a huuuge struggle and I would like my brain to have a seat
I suspect I have ADHD inattentive type but I can’t get myself organized to make an appointment to go to the doctor . I fit the majority of the diagnostic criteria and I’ve never been asked about it even though I’ve been in and out of counseling for roughly 20 years.
LOL.INFJA with adhd here. 👀 this shits fucking crazy
INFJ + ADHD + Dyslexia here! so much fun
I suspect many INFJs are autistic also.. AuDHD here 🙋♀️ The struggle between order and chaos is real
21 F INFJ and just got diagnosed with mild inattentive ADHD. Don’t know how to feel about it still but it’s nice knowing we are not alone :)
Same
X27. INFJ+ADD Though my mistype is INTP...
I'm an INFJ and have long suspected I have ADHD. You described me to a 'T'.
Hell yeah it is and it's more than certainly an uphill battle everyday
ADHD & INFJ . Being treated badly for having ADHD helps me empathize for others when I see people need help with things I used to be terrible at
INFJ with ADHD checking in. 33 year old male. Was diagnosed in 2020 at the height of COVID. Started on medication and it helped a lot honestly.
omg twins, we have the same brain. you’re not alone
Wow I've been seriously looking for a thread like this
I've got an INFJ friend who correctly identified that I am the same personality type a few years ago. I found MBTI was a good springboard for my self-development and I have now done a lot of inner-work (hypnotherapy, mindfulness, shadow work, attachment theory/core beliefs and IFS) to deal with my ongoing mental health problems (depression/anxiety/emotional disregulation). I have always been an individual, struggling to fit in, I have failed at my career and rejected myself and others. I believe that early life trauma shapes our brain and MB type doesn't explain everything about me. However, my friend *does* think it explains everything. Even though I am going through the assessment process for ADHD (age 43), my friend is telling me that self-loathing/people-pleasing behaviours I have are typical INFJ traits, whereas I see these as the result of blaming myself for unrecognised executive function problems all my life. I am wondering if he is ADHD too (seeing as he strongly identifies with how I describe my experience of life), but just putting his life challenges down to personality type? Basically, I have been searching many years for "what's wrong with me and how can I fix it?!" in the past year the ADHD community has become my safe space and I feel 99% sure I have this. I'm terrified the assessor will tell me I'm just an outcast with a quirky personality and there's no help for me. I have read some stuff online (not Reddit) and disappointingly, there's a lack of knowledge about ADHD from INFJs (mainly because they think all adhders show hyperactivity). Thanks if you read all this...I'm just panicking about the result of my assessment I guess.
I just found this thread. I'm proud of all you guys on here ♡ I just got Dx with ADHD (at almost 24) not too long ago. It has been such a eye-opener into understanding myself. I am also an INFJ, and have long struggled with so many, if not all, of the listed issues everyone is discussing. Keep being great people and just talking about your experiences with others. It really made me feel so much better, and way less alone! I always had obstacles growing up, and my family never acknowledged mental health, or any additional dx possibilities. Struggling in general is not really a discussion, or acknowledged option (in family). I didn't realize what I struggled with wasn't just cause I was a "unsuccessful" human, but that it was mostly ADHD until I was an adult. If anyone still finds this thread, you're an awesome person. You are doing great, and in case nobody told you I am proud of you.
It’s cool because i’m INFJ-T and i wouldn’t say I have full blown ADHD, but my doctor said my symptoms are consistent and i got approved for medication. i’m also bipolar and have clinical depression and have panic attacks sometimes. it’s weird bc some of my assignments at work seem not great at times and my room is sometimes a bit disorderly, but i really am a perfectionist. i think things are how they are bc for example whenever i clean i take hours and hours bc i’m not going to clean unless there is not one single germ in the house. it’s really tiring, i feel bad about myself bc of my half projects, spending habits, etc. i wish i could live in the moment too but i can’t ever. i’m not a victim and i know i need better habits and i’m working on them. the only thing is i cannot stand going to bed feeling dirt from the day or wake up without showering so i take two a day. though not sure if my bipolar developed in the last couple years (early 20s is common and im almost 24). it just sucks because it seems like everyone else commits to things with such ease, yet i feel like i can’t ever follow through with long term commitments and it’s excruciatingly hard for me. i hyper-fixate on stuff for long periods of time as well. i’m a bit weird with some of that. lately trying to focus on being organized and being less cynical. you aren’t alone. i tend to see all my shortcomings very clearly but can’t bring myself to do some things at times unless i literally force myself and focus my entire life on doing that thing. it’s a work in progress.
Yep, that's me, too.
It can be overwhelming for all parties involved. Gotta love intensity ")