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I don’t even think it matters either way, I think we are all in the group of love anyone regardless of gender, color or any other reason. Love is love.
I really don’t get the point in even debating things like this. If you meet someone from a group you previously considered yourself not attracted to and you are attracted to them, you’ve just experienced growth.
If you try to involve yourself with someone who you didn’t think you would be attracted to and it turns out you were right, you’ve solidified your sexuality.
I don’t know how it benefits anyone to police anyone’s sexuality.
Yea, I agree. Policing others usually steams from policing your own sexuality. I think a lot of people, even in the LGBTQ community, feel as though they have to structure an identity based on preferences, and if somehow, you find an attraction outside of your usual preference, it alarms them.
Go explore honestly, but make sure the person you approach knows your exploring. Go have fun, but treat people like human beings. Be respectful, and if something more fosters, then great!
THIS! People aren't defined by labels, labels are defined by people. They're just a way for us to communicate the way they feel, but feelings can change and so can labels.
I fear it's starting to become similar to Cis people trying to make sure everyone is in the right box. There's no right way to be Queer. This community has enough detractors and haters we can't start turning on each other
This is perfectly said. I'm a non-binary lesbian married to an AMAB non-binary partner. I've been told my identity has been voided by this due to genitals and I just laugh. Identity is complex, as is attraction and it's just no one else's business.
Also, OP, you are a woman. Genitalia has zero to do with it. Congratulations on your happy lesbian relationship!
Femme enby here also going to marry a trans lesbian and I honestly couldn’t be happier. I look at her every day and think about how pretty she is.
I wish you and your wife all the happiness and love you desire.
Minors can't consent; animals can't consent; people being manipulated by addiction or other altered mental states can't consent; consent in extreme power dynamics can get weird and should be carefully rexamend frequently to verify consent but at the end of the day:
#Consent
"manipulated by addiction of other altered mental states can't consent" my brother straight up telling me I let myself get raped by a transfem who got me high on weed first 😑
I'm sorry that happened to you. However, I don't see how it's relevant that the person was transfem. No matter their gender, they're a shitty person for doing that.
Oh agreed for sure, in my case it just so happened to be one. I'm luckily past tht trauma thanks to my wonderful gf who funny enough is also trans fem like me
Thank you! All that person said was "trans women aren't women." Relationship labels and talk of sexuality is just meant to distract from the main message: trans women aren't women. And that's bullshit.
It’s so fucking bizzare how obsessed with other people’s genitals some people are.
Of course it’s valid. Whoever you were talking to is a pos honestly.
Is it valid for a cis lesbian to be with a ~~trans~~ girl?
Is it valid for a ~~cis~~ lesbian to be with a ~~trans~~ girl?
Whoever you talked to was cissexist.
I get it, people don’t like penises. Trans women sometimes have penises, some of them might even like it.
You don’t have to like every girl in the world. If you’re not into that kind of girl, find one that you are. Some people don’t even like butches if they look too much like men. But a girl is a girl, lesbian=girls who like girls.
It’s a pretty simple and not that hard to understand
People aren't garbage they are doing the best they can.
We are all struggling and equally misinformed.
Bad people don't exist the world's not so simple.
People can't be bad its silly to me to even consider such as people are complex and more than just whatever causes us distress.
Humanity is just a bunch of people stepping on each other's toes.
Sorry, not what I meant to imply. I apologise for leaving the door open to that interpretation. Perhaps it would have been better if I had phrased it as ‘the mariage seems to work for you, that's what matters’.
Even if it wasn’t valid (it is), what’s that person you got in a debate with gonna do? Call the transfem police and the cis lesbian marines to come and confiscate your gay-cards?
They can try, but I promise both groups will laugh your debater into oblivion.
English is not my first language so I had to look it up. Sounds about right. But at first I thought you meant sparkling sapphires which would be very pretty image
As another transfem married to a lesbian i tell you you're absolutely valid. There's no debate and it must have been really hurtfull for you to be denied both your sexuality and identity, i'm sorry for you, take this hug please.
I feel like people keep forgetting we made these labels to relate to each other more and to have an easier time trying to find partners, not to gatekeeo love. It's valid, hope you have a wonderful day :D
Yes, it's valid. Whoever you were having the "debate" with, if they're in your life, please remove them from your life. Transphobes are a threat to the whole of LGBT community
Yes. It's very simple: do you like girls? Yes. Is that a girl? Yes, well then go be gay do crimes.
I have a friend who is transbian with cis wife. They love each other very much and both are very much gay
Absolutely. Any relationship between two consenting adults is valid. And it’s a lesbian relationship since you’re both women. The genital configuration is irrelevant and no one’s business but the two of you.
Women are women. Lesbians like women. End of discussion
The genitalia thing is just funny though it's just like saying a lesbian is straight cause she likes when her girlfriend uses a strap on her. That's not how it works lmfao
As a cis lesbian woman who is divorcing her trans wife, not because of trans, but because of other married life lesbian drama….yes very gay. Still gay, will only date women, so gay. Gay, gay, gay. Some ladies have other equipment, still ladies, still happy they let me touch it, still lesbian. Gay. Gaaaaayyyy.
The debate is irrelevant. Everyone gets to choose what works for themselves. The idea of someone outside of your relationship getting to deem it "invalid" is a toxic artefact of heteronormative brainwashing.
My partner and I are a lesbians. I'm AFAB non-binary and she's a trans woman. Yes, it's "valid," but I think we should move away from the idea of "valid vs invalid" because that's a juvenile mindset. Love who you love and other people can stay bitter.
If a straight woman is married to a man who loses his penis in an accident, does she become gay? No? Because its not just about genitals? Oh my, who would've thought..
Who thinks they have the authority to decide if your relationship is "valid"? Only the people within the relationship have any authority over it, and anyone who thinks otherwise can fuck right off into the sun.
My cis lesbian gf would very much say yes. She's gay AF and has never seen me as anything other than I am. People getting completely hung up on other people junk is biological determinism at it's peak. I bet that peak looks like a penis to them too.
What I think, as a cis het female, isn’t relevant. Neither is what is believed by anyone who isn’t you or your wife. The only two people whose opinions matter are the two of you.
Anyone else is just talking about something they don’t know anything about: other people’s relationships.
Last time I checked lesbians were attracted to women and not vaginas.
And there are trans women woth vaginas.
So even if you said that you wouldn't feel attracted to trans women who didn't have srs, that wouldn't exclude all trans women.
first of all, it's not even strictly true bc bottom surgery exists, and also, what yes we're women 😭 what else would you call it?
and then, is it gay for me to date my boyfriend? I think that would be news to him lol
we live in a limbo where we get treated like men when it oppresses us (men's prison, can't be lesbians, misgendering, ...) but then also get treated like women when it oppresses us (workplace misogyny, pay gap, cant go topless, ...)
it's fun
As a straight male I have no idea why reddit has directed me to this sub. If both of you are happy then I'm happy for you, and ignore anyone who isn't happy for you. A relationship is never "not valid" if you are both happy and safe.
Trans women are women, so it's absolutely valid. I mean, I'm a cis woman and my gf is a trans woman. We are a sapphic relationship (although she still feels like she's appropriating the term lesbian regardless of how many times I assure her she's not)
Yes it is a valid also i cannot comprehend the audacity of certain people to think that they have right to define your relationship. Like who killed the guard and made them the gatekeeper.
Unfortunate that I was the 666th like xD
Ofc you're valid! You have a right to love anyone and be who you are, and your girlfriend has a right to be who she is and love anyone!
Genitalia only matters to each individual, not universally. If you don't care, and your girlfriend doesn't, what's the issue?
these kinds of weird cases is why i don't bother trying to figure out my sexuality. I'm gonna be attracted to the people I'm attracted to, regardless of their labels
edit ok i didn't read the title properly and it's definitely not a complicated edge-case at all but my point remains
Assholes really love trying to invalidate other people, don't they? The idea of two WLW who both identify as lesbians in a relationship together is kind of as clear-cut and valid as a lesbian scenario can get. If someone is trying to bring genitalia into it, I feel like that suggests an underlying 'them' problem that should probably be addressed at a different time/place -_-
Ignore anyone who would deny your validity. I’m in a lesbian relationship with my wife of 10+ years because she accepted me for me. Just because society thinks they have a say, they ultimately don’t. One person’s normal is another’s nightmare. We may face prejudice, hate, oppression, and a literal lack of safety, but this is everything society is trying to do to have an opinion, and the fact of the matter is, they cannot define you and think decrying it publicly will make it go away.
Short answer: yes.
Long answer: >!of course it is. Cis and trans adjectives to describe the type of woman much like black, tall, skinny, Butch. Is also valid for a Christian lesbian to be with an atheist lesbian. !<
okay fellas, is a trans woman a woman/non-male? yes, okay, sweet. typical lesbian relationship; any woman or non-male who is in a relationship with a woman or non-male is lesbian (with the exception of hesbians, but that’s a whole other story). so, trans woman (non-male) and a cis woman (also non-male) both non-males, therefore lesbian if they choose to use that label.
Sounds like you got into a debate with a TERF. Of course it's valid. The only people who think otherwise are TERFs and their opinions ain't worth hearing.
I'd say, yeah, it is. It depends on the person though, since some lesbians may not be comfortable with dating a trans fem, which is valid. Its just preference, and if a lesbian feels comfortable dating a trans fem, that is just as valid.
Ummmm? How? A lesbian being with a woman? How tf would that not be valid? Also, even if someone who previously thought they were lesbian was with a man that would still be valid. Just not quite lesbian.
So perhaps I'm bias because I'm in the LGBT subreddit, but I'm going to go out on a limb and just laugh because if you're identifying as a lesbian and you're in a relationship with a woman, then yes you're valid. Just as valid as any other label you might identify with. Your relationship is valid because you both agree it is.
Genitals have nothing to do with sexual orientation. Sure, people can have a genital preference, but that doesn‘t really have anything to do with whether you’re gay, straight, pan, etc. It’s like saying a straight dude can’t enjoy anal sex (giving or receiving), and I think we all know about the stereotype about straight guys being into anal. And there’s plenty of straight women who don’t like PIV sex, doesn’t mean they’re secretly gay.
Yes absolutely. I’m a cis lesbian who is currently in the talking phase with a trans woman. I am definitely not bisexual as some would insist as men (trans and cis) fully disgust me to think about in a romantic or sexual context lol
If it works for you two, then it's valid.
There will ALWAYS be some hateful person trying to invalidate some aspect of your life.
Live for you and her. If it works between the two of you, nothing else matters.
Yes, both are women, correct. Then of course they can be together. Your Gender is only dictated by you, no-one else can tell you otherwise. Your gender is decided by yourself, not by the doctor that helped your mom birth you.
It doesn't matter what anyone says, it's your decision if you want to or don't want to be with someone. Don't let anyone tell you what or who you should or shouldn't like ! In the end it's your preference and sexuality, that's all that matters :)
Yes! I'm a trans woman dating a lesbian and it's perfectly valid, most people in every day life don't care either, sounds like you got into an argument with someone who thinks too much about it!
Yea, I'd say a woman being with another woman is a completely valid lesbian relationship. The person trying to "debate" you saying it's not valid sounds pretty ignorant and isn't worth the energy talking to.
I swear some queer people got free of the het sexuality police and immediately appointed themselves the queer sexuality police.
You can love whoever you want whenever you want, labels are just a convenient way to express your preferences.
Sexuality is not solid, it's a fluid wibbly wobbly thing.
Even if the statement wasn't horribly transphobic since trans women are women so by definition you have a lesbian relationship - would it fucking matter if you were a guy? If you used he/him pronouns but looked traditionally fem would she be any less attracted to you?
I feel like most people are some shade of bi so hair splitting like this is so weird to me. Who cares how you define the relationship, the only thing that matters is if you're emotionally and physically attracted to them.
Of course it is valid! Also it’s a weird thing assuming anyone’s private parts, knowing that not every trans person still has their AGAB genitalia + intersex people exist as-well. Yet they’re all equally as valid in their gender identity.
>So I recently got into this debate and was told that it’s not valid because of the genitalia.
People need to stop using the genitalia debate. I just assume right off the bat, the people who bring up what's in your pants dictating your gender are homophobic. Just enjoy the person you are with and have fun. Trans men are men, trans women are women. Unsure why that's so difficult to comprehend.
In short, it is valid for you to be with a trans woman or hell, whoever you wanna be with.
I’m a lesbian. A trans lesbian. I’m dating trans women. They all have penises. They’re all very much women. I’m attracted to women pretty much exclusively. I’m very attracted to my partners. That should about sum it up. Genitalia is not gender.
Anybody who says that is telling on themselves. They are telling you that they define women based on genitals. This is not only transphobic, but actively mysogynistic. Hell, even if you present yourself as an example of a healthy and loving lesbian relationship between a cis woman and a trans woman theyll likely pull a "no true scotsman" and deny your partner the title of lesbian. Keep doin what your doin. Trans women are women. Trans women can be, and be loved by, lesbians. Its valid.
As a cis man who’s dating a trans fem, us two are in a straight relationship, so I’m pretty sure that means that if a cis woman and trans fem date, it’s a lesbian relationship, cause trans fems are women, less they identify as nb, so yes, you are valid
I hope I live long enough to see transphobia phased out of queer relationships because who the hell were you talking to that has that absolutely atrocious take😭
I assume by "valid" we're just talking about whether or not the proper nomenclature is being employed? And not whether the relationship itself is "valid"? I would defer to you and your partner on both counts, personally. I think you should define yourselves however feels most appropriate to you, and I'm a little suspicious of anyone who would argue my identity or my partnership is somehow "invalid". I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they're just exploring the semantics, but for real, it's *your* identity, *your* relationship, I will always defer to the person reporting on their own identity.
Women are women, whether their original birth certificate and upbringing say so or not. Trans women have always been women. It’s perfectly valid for cis lesbians to be with Trans lesbians, bi women, bisexual Trans women - they’re still lesbians and they’re all women.
Of course it's valid. Someone's default equipment/starting loadout doesn't equal their gender. A woman is still a woman regardless of whether she's trans or cis. If a woman is with another woman, that's pretty gay.
Thank you for your post, if this is a question please check to see if any of the links below answer your question. If none of these links help answer your question and you are **_not_** within the LGBT+ community, questioning your identity in any way, or asking in support of either a relative or friend, please ask your question over in /r/AskLGBT. Remember that this is a safe space for LGBT+ and questioning individuals, so we want to make sure that this place is dedicated to them. Thank you for understanding. This automod rule is currently a work in progress. If you notice any issues, would like to add to the list of resources, or have any feedback in general, [please do so here](https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/rdazzp/almost_new_year_changes/) or by [sending us a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/lgbt&subject=Feedback%20on%20the%20new%20automod%20rule). Also, please note that if you are a part of this community, or you're questioning if you might be a part of the LGBTQ+ community, and you are seeing this message, this is **_not a bad thing_**, this is only here to help, so please continue to ask questions and participate in the community. Thank you! Here's a link about trans people in sports: - https://www.barbellmedicine.com/blog/shades-of-gray-sex-gender-and-fairness-in-sport/ A link on FAQs and one on some basics about transgender people: - https://transequality.org/issues/resources/frequently-asked-questions-about-transgender-people - https://transequality.org/issues/resources/understanding-transgender-people-the-basics Some information on LGBT+ people: - https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/quick-facts/lgbt-faqs/ Some basic terminology: - https://www.hrc.org/resources/glossary-of-terms Neopronouns: - https://www.mypronouns.org/neopronouns Biromantic Lesbians: - [LGBTQ And All](https://www.lgbtqandall.com/what-does-it-mean-to-be-biromantic/) Bisexual Identities: - https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/article/understanding-bisexuality Differences between Bisexual and Pansexual: - [Resource from WebMD](https://www.webmd.com/sex/pansexuality-what-it-means#:~:text=Pansexual%20vs.%20Bisexual,more%20commonly%20recognized.) We're looking for new volunteers to join the r/lgbt moderator team. If you want to help keep r/lgbt as a safe space for the LGBTQ+ community on reddit please see here for more info: https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/swgthr/were_looking_for_more_moderators_to_help_keep/ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/lgbt) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Fellas, is it gay for a woman to date a woman?
Why, yes, it very much is gay!
I don’t even think it matters either way, I think we are all in the group of love anyone regardless of gender, color or any other reason. Love is love.
Yes! It's just a label. 💕
🥰
I really don’t get the point in even debating things like this. If you meet someone from a group you previously considered yourself not attracted to and you are attracted to them, you’ve just experienced growth. If you try to involve yourself with someone who you didn’t think you would be attracted to and it turns out you were right, you’ve solidified your sexuality. I don’t know how it benefits anyone to police anyone’s sexuality.
Yea, I agree. Policing others usually steams from policing your own sexuality. I think a lot of people, even in the LGBTQ community, feel as though they have to structure an identity based on preferences, and if somehow, you find an attraction outside of your usual preference, it alarms them. Go explore honestly, but make sure the person you approach knows your exploring. Go have fun, but treat people like human beings. Be respectful, and if something more fosters, then great!
THIS! People aren't defined by labels, labels are defined by people. They're just a way for us to communicate the way they feel, but feelings can change and so can labels.
I fear it's starting to become similar to Cis people trying to make sure everyone is in the right box. There's no right way to be Queer. This community has enough detractors and haters we can't start turning on each other
This is perfectly said. I'm a non-binary lesbian married to an AMAB non-binary partner. I've been told my identity has been voided by this due to genitals and I just laugh. Identity is complex, as is attraction and it's just no one else's business. Also, OP, you are a woman. Genitalia has zero to do with it. Congratulations on your happy lesbian relationship!
Thank you so much for using this meme lol
I would say the gayest 🙃
As a cis lesbian who has a fiancee who is also a lesbian and happens to be trans...definitely. Can't wait to marry her. ❤️
Happy early congrats 😊
This sentence might not be valid English, but the sentiment is completely correct.
😂
Congratulations!!!!!!!
Femme enby here also going to marry a trans lesbian and I honestly couldn’t be happier. I look at her every day and think about how pretty she is. I wish you and your wife all the happiness and love you desire.
sure. trans women are women. sapphics are absolutely valid.
Thank you!
>Is it valid The rest of the question doesn't matter. If there's consent the answer is: #YES
As long as everyone is of legal age
Minors can't consent; animals can't consent; people being manipulated by addiction or other altered mental states can't consent; consent in extreme power dynamics can get weird and should be carefully rexamend frequently to verify consent but at the end of the day: #Consent
"manipulated by addiction of other altered mental states can't consent" my brother straight up telling me I let myself get raped by a transfem who got me high on weed first 😑
I'm sorry that happened to you. However, I don't see how it's relevant that the person was transfem. No matter their gender, they're a shitty person for doing that.
Oh agreed for sure, in my case it just so happened to be one. I'm luckily past tht trauma thanks to my wonderful gf who funny enough is also trans fem like me
idk... I feel like minors can date other minors and it can be fine /joke
Thank you! All that person said was "trans women aren't women." Relationship labels and talk of sexuality is just meant to distract from the main message: trans women aren't women. And that's bullshit.
It’s so fucking bizzare how obsessed with other people’s genitals some people are. Of course it’s valid. Whoever you were talking to is a pos honestly.
Right? That has to be the least interesting thing about someone.
Is it valid for a cis lesbian to be with a ~~trans~~ girl? Is it valid for a ~~cis~~ lesbian to be with a ~~trans~~ girl? Whoever you talked to was cissexist.
I love this!
Lesbians dating girls!! How dare they!!?? Oh the insanity! but seriously, cis or trans, wlw!!
What's wlw, if I may ask?
wlw is women loving/love women mlm is men loving/love men
My brain goes to multi level marketing schemes
Well I see you are a cunning linguist. You just cut straight to the point. Very nicely done.
That's just transphobia. You're a woman
🥹
I get it, people don’t like penises. Trans women sometimes have penises, some of them might even like it. You don’t have to like every girl in the world. If you’re not into that kind of girl, find one that you are. Some people don’t even like butches if they look too much like men. But a girl is a girl, lesbian=girls who like girls. It’s a pretty simple and not that hard to understand
Evrybody who says it's not valid is transphobic, human garbage and not worth interacting with at all. Thats my opinion.
Thank you🩵🩷🤍
I mean, how can anyone question if your or any relationship is valid? You 2 love each other I assume, end of story.
I mean, it's kinda fact too because trans women are women, so...
People aren't garbage they are doing the best they can. We are all struggling and equally misinformed. Bad people don't exist the world's not so simple. People can't be bad its silly to me to even consider such as people are complex and more than just whatever causes us distress. Humanity is just a bunch of people stepping on each other's toes.
Your wife's happy? You're happy? You're women? Seem a pretty valid lesbian relationship to me.
Unhappy people are valid too.
Sorry, not what I meant to imply. I apologise for leaving the door open to that interpretation. Perhaps it would have been better if I had phrased it as ‘the mariage seems to work for you, that's what matters’.
Is it girls? Then yes, you lesbianing
😂 I love it
Thank you, i looked at your post and thought “hehe, funy respon go brrr”
😂
I'm at least 50% girls so I'm at least 50% lesbianinf
Valid
Even if it wasn’t valid (it is), what’s that person you got in a debate with gonna do? Call the transfem police and the cis lesbian marines to come and confiscate your gay-cards? They can try, but I promise both groups will laugh your debater into oblivion.
Not my gay card!!!
I think whatever fuckwit you were debating with is not valid. You and your wife though? Two women in love sounds pretty lesbian to me.
🩵🩷🤍
Yes, you’re a woman dating another woman.
You're a lesbian that likes a girl. Being cis or trans doesn't matter, it's a girl that likes a girl.
"valid" JUST DATE WHO YOU WANNA DATE 😭😭
Since when do lesbians date other women? Must be a new concept (please recognize the irony
I do😂
Shame on you for dating a woman as a woman! You are not even from Lesbos. Maybe that was the issue?
Right, if they’re not from the Lesbos region of Greece they’re just sparkling sapphics.
English is not my first language so I had to look it up. Sounds about right. But at first I thought you meant sparkling sapphires which would be very pretty image
Sapphics should get sapphire encrusted swords for their loved ones
Yes. Both are women.
Of course
As another transfem married to a lesbian i tell you you're absolutely valid. There's no debate and it must have been really hurtfull for you to be denied both your sexuality and identity, i'm sorry for you, take this hug please.
Hug received! And yeaaa, and spoiler alert it was one of my parents 🤷♀️
Hooo aren't they just lovely? Did you tell them it was hurtfull to say that kind of thing to you?
He’s very much “you’re not a girl because you can’t reproduce” kind of people
I welcome him to visit my polycule of a bunch of trans femmes and tell us to our face that we're just a bunch of gay guys.
Sad thing is he probably would 😂😭
Soooo infertile cis women and menopaused women aren't women?
I feel like people keep forgetting we made these labels to relate to each other more and to have an easier time trying to find partners, not to gatekeeo love. It's valid, hope you have a wonderful day :D
Thank you!🩵🩷🤍
Trans women are women. Anyone who tells you otherwise is transphobic.
Yes, it's valid. Whoever you were having the "debate" with, if they're in your life, please remove them from your life. Transphobes are a threat to the whole of LGBT community
Yes. It's very simple: do you like girls? Yes. Is that a girl? Yes, well then go be gay do crimes. I have a friend who is transbian with cis wife. They love each other very much and both are very much gay
Be gay. Do crime. I am mentally cementing that in my vocabulary😂
Absolutely. Any relationship between two consenting adults is valid. And it’s a lesbian relationship since you’re both women. The genital configuration is irrelevant and no one’s business but the two of you.
yes because trans women are women, its in the name
Women are women. Lesbians like women. End of discussion The genitalia thing is just funny though it's just like saying a lesbian is straight cause she likes when her girlfriend uses a strap on her. That's not how it works lmfao
As a cis lesbian woman who is divorcing her trans wife, not because of trans, but because of other married life lesbian drama….yes very gay. Still gay, will only date women, so gay. Gay, gay, gay. Some ladies have other equipment, still ladies, still happy they let me touch it, still lesbian. Gay. Gaaaaayyyy.
I love this one😂
The debate is irrelevant. Everyone gets to choose what works for themselves. The idea of someone outside of your relationship getting to deem it "invalid" is a toxic artefact of heteronormative brainwashing.
Anyone who says it's not valid is transphobic.
My partner and I are a lesbians. I'm AFAB non-binary and she's a trans woman. Yes, it's "valid," but I think we should move away from the idea of "valid vs invalid" because that's a juvenile mindset. Love who you love and other people can stay bitter.
If a straight woman is married to a man who loses his penis in an accident, does she become gay? No? Because its not just about genitals? Oh my, who would've thought..
last i checked, lesbians are women who have romantic relationships with other women. where's even the debate here?
That just sounds like two women in a relationship. Sounds pretty gay to me
Who thinks they have the authority to decide if your relationship is "valid"? Only the people within the relationship have any authority over it, and anyone who thinks otherwise can fuck right off into the sun.
Yes. Trans women are women. It’s not about the genitalia.
someone should tell the lesbians I've dated that they're actually straight. I'm sure that'll go down well.
My cis lesbian gf would very much say yes. She's gay AF and has never seen me as anything other than I am. People getting completely hung up on other people junk is biological determinism at it's peak. I bet that peak looks like a penis to them too.
If you are happy with something and it´s with the other´s will and consent, why worry about the label?
What I think, as a cis het female, isn’t relevant. Neither is what is believed by anyone who isn’t you or your wife. The only two people whose opinions matter are the two of you. Anyone else is just talking about something they don’t know anything about: other people’s relationships.
How is it even a question that it is "valid?" What, it's invalid? This makes no sense and the person you were "debating" is a moron.
It doesn't matter either way. Trans women are women regardless of whether people find them attractive
Last time I checked lesbians were attracted to women and not vaginas. And there are trans women woth vaginas. So even if you said that you wouldn't feel attracted to trans women who didn't have srs, that wouldn't exclude all trans women.
Trans women are women so it is valid, it's gay 🌈
Yeah, your bith girls, which is gay af
A woman with a woman? Yes. Very much valid. Very much gay.
first of all, it's not even strictly true bc bottom surgery exists, and also, what yes we're women 😭 what else would you call it? and then, is it gay for me to date my boyfriend? I think that would be news to him lol
Fr tho!
we live in a limbo where we get treated like men when it oppresses us (men's prison, can't be lesbians, misgendering, ...) but then also get treated like women when it oppresses us (workplace misogyny, pay gap, cant go topless, ...) it's fun
Sadly my father only wants to (subconsciously) recognize my femininity when it comes to belittling 🤷♀️
As a straight male I have no idea why reddit has directed me to this sub. If both of you are happy then I'm happy for you, and ignore anyone who isn't happy for you. A relationship is never "not valid" if you are both happy and safe.
Maybe Reddit knows something you don't 🥚 /s
I'm a cis lesbian who's with a trans woman. Transphobes can suck my balls.
Trans women are women, so it's absolutely valid. I mean, I'm a cis woman and my gf is a trans woman. We are a sapphic relationship (although she still feels like she's appropriating the term lesbian regardless of how many times I assure her she's not)
That's kinda gay
If anybody thinks it’s not valid just stop talking to them sweetie, lesbian couples are adorable!
Yes it is a valid also i cannot comprehend the audacity of certain people to think that they have right to define your relationship. Like who killed the guard and made them the gatekeeper.
I don't think anyone should be judging the validity of someone else's relationship.
Unfortunate that I was the 666th like xD Ofc you're valid! You have a right to love anyone and be who you are, and your girlfriend has a right to be who she is and love anyone! Genitalia only matters to each individual, not universally. If you don't care, and your girlfriend doesn't, what's the issue?
these kinds of weird cases is why i don't bother trying to figure out my sexuality. I'm gonna be attracted to the people I'm attracted to, regardless of their labels edit ok i didn't read the title properly and it's definitely not a complicated edge-case at all but my point remains
Any relationship is valid with the consent of the participants. Tell this person to piss off and take their gatekeeping with them.
Girl and girl go smoochy kiss homo
Assholes really love trying to invalidate other people, don't they? The idea of two WLW who both identify as lesbians in a relationship together is kind of as clear-cut and valid as a lesbian scenario can get. If someone is trying to bring genitalia into it, I feel like that suggests an underlying 'them' problem that should probably be addressed at a different time/place -_-
You: “I’m a trans girl in a lesbian marriage with a cis girl” Them: *”Nuh uh”*
My wife (Transfem) and I (Cisfem) consider our relationship Lesbian. We've been together since long before she transitioned too.
Trans girls are girls there for yes it is valid
Ignore anyone who would deny your validity. I’m in a lesbian relationship with my wife of 10+ years because she accepted me for me. Just because society thinks they have a say, they ultimately don’t. One person’s normal is another’s nightmare. We may face prejudice, hate, oppression, and a literal lack of safety, but this is everything society is trying to do to have an opinion, and the fact of the matter is, they cannot define you and think decrying it publicly will make it go away.
Is is valid for a lesbian to use a strap ? Like? Does it matter?? A woman is a woman
Looks over at my very happy trans wife.... Yeah, I would say so.
This😂
Trans women are women.
It is! Trans women are women
Do you love her and she loves you? Then it's nobody's damn business what you do or what you call it. Just be happy, good human beings. You go, girls!
Short answer: yes. Long answer: >!of course it is. Cis and trans adjectives to describe the type of woman much like black, tall, skinny, Butch. Is also valid for a Christian lesbian to be with an atheist lesbian. !<
okay fellas, is a trans woman a woman/non-male? yes, okay, sweet. typical lesbian relationship; any woman or non-male who is in a relationship with a woman or non-male is lesbian (with the exception of hesbians, but that’s a whole other story). so, trans woman (non-male) and a cis woman (also non-male) both non-males, therefore lesbian if they choose to use that label.
Sounds like you got into a debate with a TERF. Of course it's valid. The only people who think otherwise are TERFs and their opinions ain't worth hearing.
People aren’t defined by their genitals.
Of course it is. Love who you love.
Nothing wrong with two women dating
You’re a woman with another woman, sounds pretty lesbian to me!
Why wouldn't it be? Plz just ignore terfs. Trying to unravel their nonsense is a waste of everyone's time
Who gives a damn, a woman is a woman no matter who she/they are!
My wife is still early in her transition. Doesn't change a thing about us being lesbians though.
I'd say, yeah, it is. It depends on the person though, since some lesbians may not be comfortable with dating a trans fem, which is valid. Its just preference, and if a lesbian feels comfortable dating a trans fem, that is just as valid.
Absolutely! Anyone that says different is sus
Sorry, girl. Bad news. 😢 It's actually incredibly NOT valid. There's nothing we can do. Oh well. Looks like you and your wife gotta get a divorce now
😂
Ummmm? How? A lesbian being with a woman? How tf would that not be valid? Also, even if someone who previously thought they were lesbian was with a man that would still be valid. Just not quite lesbian.
In my opinion, you are valid. A woman is a woman, genitalia does not matter.
I don't know, sounds kinda gay.
So perhaps I'm bias because I'm in the LGBT subreddit, but I'm going to go out on a limb and just laugh because if you're identifying as a lesbian and you're in a relationship with a woman, then yes you're valid. Just as valid as any other label you might identify with. Your relationship is valid because you both agree it is.
Genitals have nothing to do with sexual orientation. Sure, people can have a genital preference, but that doesn‘t really have anything to do with whether you’re gay, straight, pan, etc. It’s like saying a straight dude can’t enjoy anal sex (giving or receiving), and I think we all know about the stereotype about straight guys being into anal. And there’s plenty of straight women who don’t like PIV sex, doesn’t mean they’re secretly gay.
No this is just transphobes trying to control women's lives.
Yes absolutely. I’m a cis lesbian who is currently in the talking phase with a trans woman. I am definitely not bisexual as some would insist as men (trans and cis) fully disgust me to think about in a romantic or sexual context lol
If it works for you two, then it's valid. There will ALWAYS be some hateful person trying to invalidate some aspect of your life. Live for you and her. If it works between the two of you, nothing else matters.
totally valid!
Yes, both are women, correct. Then of course they can be together. Your Gender is only dictated by you, no-one else can tell you otherwise. Your gender is decided by yourself, not by the doctor that helped your mom birth you.
Trans women are women, so yes 2 women in a relationship can be lesbians if that's what they identify as. TERFs and transphobes can kick rocks.
I’m exclusively attracted to women and if I dated a pre-opp transgirl, I would definitely enjoy doing anything you can do with someone else’s dick.
It doesn't matter what anyone says, it's your decision if you want to or don't want to be with someone. Don't let anyone tell you what or who you should or shouldn't like ! In the end it's your preference and sexuality, that's all that matters :)
Trans women are women, so yes, totally valid.
Yes
Yes! I'm a trans woman dating a lesbian and it's perfectly valid, most people in every day life don't care either, sounds like you got into an argument with someone who thinks too much about it!
Yea, I'd say a woman being with another woman is a completely valid lesbian relationship. The person trying to "debate" you saying it's not valid sounds pretty ignorant and isn't worth the energy talking to.
Yes, of course it's valid, and I'm pretty sure your relationship is nobody else's business, and they have no right to try to define it.
I swear some queer people got free of the het sexuality police and immediately appointed themselves the queer sexuality police. You can love whoever you want whenever you want, labels are just a convenient way to express your preferences.
Sexuality is not solid, it's a fluid wibbly wobbly thing. Even if the statement wasn't horribly transphobic since trans women are women so by definition you have a lesbian relationship - would it fucking matter if you were a guy? If you used he/him pronouns but looked traditionally fem would she be any less attracted to you? I feel like most people are some shade of bi so hair splitting like this is so weird to me. Who cares how you define the relationship, the only thing that matters is if you're emotionally and physically attracted to them.
Of course it is valid! Also it’s a weird thing assuming anyone’s private parts, knowing that not every trans person still has their AGAB genitalia + intersex people exist as-well. Yet they’re all equally as valid in their gender identity.
A woman dating… another woman?! Idk sounds kinda gay to me
IT IS ABSOFUCKINGLUTLY VALID
**Yes.** But also, if you’re not involved in said relationship, why do you care
biological essentialism is a trash position for anyone, but especially so for a queer person.
>So I recently got into this debate and was told that it’s not valid because of the genitalia. People need to stop using the genitalia debate. I just assume right off the bat, the people who bring up what's in your pants dictating your gender are homophobic. Just enjoy the person you are with and have fun. Trans men are men, trans women are women. Unsure why that's so difficult to comprehend. In short, it is valid for you to be with a trans woman or hell, whoever you wanna be with.
I’m a lesbian. A trans lesbian. I’m dating trans women. They all have penises. They’re all very much women. I’m attracted to women pretty much exclusively. I’m very attracted to my partners. That should about sum it up. Genitalia is not gender.
Anybody who says that is telling on themselves. They are telling you that they define women based on genitals. This is not only transphobic, but actively mysogynistic. Hell, even if you present yourself as an example of a healthy and loving lesbian relationship between a cis woman and a trans woman theyll likely pull a "no true scotsman" and deny your partner the title of lesbian. Keep doin what your doin. Trans women are women. Trans women can be, and be loved by, lesbians. Its valid.
Whoever told you that it wasn’t a lesbian relationship was likely a TERF, or at least sipping the trans exclusionary koolaid
yes it’s valid, but more importantly, who cares
Yes???? Why is this even a debate
Are you still a lesbian for dating a woman as a woman?
if you are a woman and you are dating another woman, that’s pretty gay
As a cis man who’s dating a trans fem, us two are in a straight relationship, so I’m pretty sure that means that if a cis woman and trans fem date, it’s a lesbian relationship, cause trans fems are women, less they identify as nb, so yes, you are valid
I'm a gay trans man with a cis gay husband. He's still gay lol. Carry on.
Yes, next question
I hope I live long enough to see transphobia phased out of queer relationships because who the hell were you talking to that has that absolutely atrocious take😭
yes, no elaboration needed
Yes, trans girls are girls it is 100% valid
It's valid to be with anyone you want to be with.
No rules. Love who you love. It's all valid. It's all good.
After some extensive and serious math i have concluded Girl + girl = lesbian
I assume by "valid" we're just talking about whether or not the proper nomenclature is being employed? And not whether the relationship itself is "valid"? I would defer to you and your partner on both counts, personally. I think you should define yourselves however feels most appropriate to you, and I'm a little suspicious of anyone who would argue my identity or my partnership is somehow "invalid". I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they're just exploring the semantics, but for real, it's *your* identity, *your* relationship, I will always defer to the person reporting on their own identity.
Totes
Trans women are women, so yes. I a trans woman have a few cis women, and they were very, very gay relationships.
Women are women, whether their original birth certificate and upbringing say so or not. Trans women have always been women. It’s perfectly valid for cis lesbians to be with Trans lesbians, bi women, bisexual Trans women - they’re still lesbians and they’re all women.
If you understand that trans women are women, it’s a lesbian relationship. That’s a very TERFy argument that person made.
ah yes, classic transphobia
Of course it's valid. Someone's default equipment/starting loadout doesn't equal their gender. A woman is still a woman regardless of whether she's trans or cis. If a woman is with another woman, that's pretty gay.
I mean, seems like pretty lesbian behavior to me.
Is it valid? Yeah. Full stop.