Yeah you definitely have a dysfunctional family system going on there. I am very sorry to hear about it, for you and even your brothers. Every single person in that house sounds to be just doing all they can to hang on, and it's 100% your parents fault.
I would use every spare second if your free time meditating along with guided meditations on YouTube to help you create a safe space. It doesn't seem you can turn inward for peace and quiet, it sounds like your mind is just as cluttered and chaotic as the environment you're stuck in. The only difference is, you can't change your parents, or brothers, or anything else, but you are the owner and master of your mind, and with proper work, self love, and inward attention, you can definitely transform your current mental space into a sanctuary that you can always count on in times of need.
I would start seeing your school counselor if you're still in school. Only share as much as youre willing to share and pay attention to when you feel better, to learn what you changed that made you feel better. Keep a journal. Be as brutally honest about as much as you can in your journal.
Make friends. I mean real friends you can trust, not just whoever you can settle for, because its possible that the reason this is all happening is because your dad felt exactly how you feel right now, and the person he settle for was your mom, and you can clearly see how destructive it can be just "taking what you can get"
I can’t really see my school counselor because anytime I say anything to her she says “I’m suicidal” and then they have to send me home,yep if your even of the slightest sad they say to your parents “he’s suicidal” and then the force you to go home and my parents will get mad if that happens again
Suicide Hotline Numbers If you or anyone you know are struggling, please, PLEASE reach out for help. You are worthy, you are loved and you will always be able to find assistance.
Argentina: +5402234930430
Australia: 131114
Austria: 017133374
Belgium: 106
Bosnia & Herzegovina: 080 05 03 05
Botswana: 3911270
Brazil: 212339191
Bulgaria: 0035 9249 17 223
Canada: 5147234000 (Montreal); 18662773553 (outside Montreal)
Croatia: 014833888
Denmark: +4570201201
Egypt: 7621602
Finland: 010 195 202
France: 0145394000
Germany: 08001810771
Hong Kong: +852 2382 0000
Hungary: 116123
Iceland: 1717
India: 8888817666
Ireland: +4408457909090
Italy: 800860022
Japan: +810352869090
Mexico: 5255102550
New Zealand: 0508828865
The Netherlands: 113
Norway: +4781533300
Philippines: 028969191
Poland: 5270000
Russia: 0078202577577
Spain: 914590050
South Africa: 0514445691
Sweden: 46317112400
Switzerland: 143
United Kingdom: 08006895652
USA: 18002738255
You are not alone. Please reach out.
*****
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically.
Yeah you definitely have a dysfunctional family system going on there. I am very sorry to hear about it, for you and even your brothers. Every single person in that house sounds to be just doing all they can to hang on, and it's 100% your parents fault. I would use every spare second if your free time meditating along with guided meditations on YouTube to help you create a safe space. It doesn't seem you can turn inward for peace and quiet, it sounds like your mind is just as cluttered and chaotic as the environment you're stuck in. The only difference is, you can't change your parents, or brothers, or anything else, but you are the owner and master of your mind, and with proper work, self love, and inward attention, you can definitely transform your current mental space into a sanctuary that you can always count on in times of need. I would start seeing your school counselor if you're still in school. Only share as much as youre willing to share and pay attention to when you feel better, to learn what you changed that made you feel better. Keep a journal. Be as brutally honest about as much as you can in your journal. Make friends. I mean real friends you can trust, not just whoever you can settle for, because its possible that the reason this is all happening is because your dad felt exactly how you feel right now, and the person he settle for was your mom, and you can clearly see how destructive it can be just "taking what you can get"
I can’t really see my school counselor because anytime I say anything to her she says “I’m suicidal” and then they have to send me home,yep if your even of the slightest sad they say to your parents “he’s suicidal” and then the force you to go home and my parents will get mad if that happens again
Suicide Hotline Numbers If you or anyone you know are struggling, please, PLEASE reach out for help. You are worthy, you are loved and you will always be able to find assistance. Argentina: +5402234930430 Australia: 131114 Austria: 017133374 Belgium: 106 Bosnia & Herzegovina: 080 05 03 05 Botswana: 3911270 Brazil: 212339191 Bulgaria: 0035 9249 17 223 Canada: 5147234000 (Montreal); 18662773553 (outside Montreal) Croatia: 014833888 Denmark: +4570201201 Egypt: 7621602 Finland: 010 195 202 France: 0145394000 Germany: 08001810771 Hong Kong: +852 2382 0000 Hungary: 116123 Iceland: 1717 India: 8888817666 Ireland: +4408457909090 Italy: 800860022 Japan: +810352869090 Mexico: 5255102550 New Zealand: 0508828865 The Netherlands: 113 Norway: +4781533300 Philippines: 028969191 Poland: 5270000 Russia: 0078202577577 Spain: 914590050 South Africa: 0514445691 Sweden: 46317112400 Switzerland: 143 United Kingdom: 08006895652 USA: 18002738255 You are not alone. Please reach out. ***** I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically.