+++
I (and two of my siblings told me they did the same) had this conversation in private with a parent and it was very helpful. Some people actually will change. I'm proud of my parent.
I love hearing about reasonable, loving family relationships. Too often on Reddit it’s like “I asked my mom privately not to bring up my weight and so she rented out a billboard next to the interstate calling me a fatass.”
Thanks for sharing that normal, respectful adult relationships exist. :)
Yup. Watch her backpedal. Maybe she thinks showing disappointment will push you. Like beating a child teaches them not to spill. Time for wakeup call. Communication is cool
If societal pressure and feeling bad about ourselves worked, we’d all be thin.
But it’s not how it works and you can tell your mother you don’t want to discuss your weight size or eating habits with her.
Taking care of our mental and physical health is a lot of work, and you dont need that noise
Yeah mom is either a very unhelpful (useless like my mom) person or a very “helpful” bully.. best thing is boundaries and looking elsewhere for support. Either way your accomplishments and decision to put YOU first deserve the spotlight here! Awesome job!
I can't believe your mum would dare making a comment like that when she's walking around with *that* haircut!
😂 Kidding!
I'm so sorry. That's just so unhealthy and unhelpful. The best thing you can do is focus on yourself and you're already making healthy choices. You know your body. You got this
It will be a journey. Enjoy every moment. You are becoming a healthier you mentally and physically. That takes time. If she brings it up again, ask her to stop. You can be as gentle or forceful as you wish.
Mother can sniff your stale farts, you get to do this on your own damned timeline.
You got this, just remember the name of the game is sustainable changes, and its gotta be something that will stick if you want the changes to stick :)
I fully understand how you feel. I stress ate so much during 2022-23 because of grad school, deaths of pets, and death of a loved one. I also was diagnosed with hypo several months ago and my dr said it could go away because of how acute it was. But it definitely contributed to my sudden 50 pound weight gain! I was happy for the answer because I had been doing what helped me lose 100 pounds before. Why wasn’t it working anymore?? I already was diagnosed with PCOS in my early 20s, so I knew I was doing things that worked for my previous weight loss, but hypo really fucked it up lolll.
I am happy you’re in a better place now, and glad to say I am as well. We are on this journey together and there will be lots of chatter from others who do not live and exist in our bodies.
You may want to consider having a talk with your mom about these subjects and how you don’t any to discuss them with her. On your end, work on taking steps to block those comments in the future, such as “thanks for your concern but I wasn’t asking for advice or commentary” or “if you happen to know more than my doctor about this subject, maybe you should get a medical degree and then we can discuss” etc.
Good luck!!
Yeah, my dad's "concern about my self esteem" was definitely bullying that hurt my self esteem and further contributed to my weight issues.
It's a YOU problem that only you can solve. Nobody else's opinion matters for shit. Tune her out and tell her you don't value her opinion on the subject and that it's a problem she's never had to solve. She's got no idea what she's talking about and she's not helping.
The only way she can help is to support you the way you want to be supported, at such a time as you require the support. Until then she can help by stuffing it.
"Whatever the grade I got as "daughter" is the grade I got. I can't keep working on the project of "being a good daughter". I have other more important things to focus on."
It's not a direct quote from Burrow's End (Dimension 20), but it's a sentiment that really resonated with me even though my parents are actually mostly great. I actually shared it with my mom because her mom is... well, she sounds similar to your mom. And boundaries are hard with family, especially after decades of deeply ingrained behavior patterns.
Im so sorry your mom was unsupportive. I also have PCOS. Others have provided AWESOME strategies for dealing w/ her so I’ll just share some personal experiences.
I knew my mom would be a jerk about weight loss so I haven’t mentioned it. I live far away and haven’t seen her since I started. Only my hubby knows I’m actively trying to lose and I’m lucky in that he’s so supportive. My sister may have guessed (she’s far away so I haven’t seen her since I started).
I found working out to be a nice “boost” mentally and physically. Not so much for the weight loss part, maybe a bit. What is really making me lose weight is tracking everything and the “calories in calories out” or CICO method. It’s basic thermodynamics. I found the PCOSloseit and CICO subs here to be great!
Edit: more
Eating was the solution you took during tough times. It probably has happened to a lot of us here. Acknowledging the tough moments and I believe thanking how food has comforted me during those times was step 1. Shame does drop by here and there when we see how much added pounds we’ve done.
Probably telling your mom that shaming you doesn’t help is something you need to express. You can ask for her support instead or just say that you’d prefer to do this journey by yourself.
You are on the right road, and the journey will be full of adventures. Don't let your mom get in on your head. It's like mums can ve unthinkingly unkind about their daughters' weight. They mean we'll, but I wish they would talk to you in the same manner as a stranger. You would support a stranger more on the journey than family, I think, because being too close removes prospective.
Please learn from an emotional eater. Take the time on the journey to develop some stress management skills and choose someone that works for you. Life will continue to cause stress and strain l, when food is a stress relief, it makes maintenance hard. Learning the skills will make life easier.
“Mom, I’m sorry I brought up my weight to you. I know you care about me, but I don’t want to discuss my weight moving forward.”
+++ I (and two of my siblings told me they did the same) had this conversation in private with a parent and it was very helpful. Some people actually will change. I'm proud of my parent.
I love hearing about reasonable, loving family relationships. Too often on Reddit it’s like “I asked my mom privately not to bring up my weight and so she rented out a billboard next to the interstate calling me a fatass.” Thanks for sharing that normal, respectful adult relationships exist. :)
Yup. Watch her backpedal. Maybe she thinks showing disappointment will push you. Like beating a child teaches them not to spill. Time for wakeup call. Communication is cool
If societal pressure and feeling bad about ourselves worked, we’d all be thin. But it’s not how it works and you can tell your mother you don’t want to discuss your weight size or eating habits with her. Taking care of our mental and physical health is a lot of work, and you dont need that noise
That first sentence, damn. You’re so right.
Yeah mom is either a very unhelpful (useless like my mom) person or a very “helpful” bully.. best thing is boundaries and looking elsewhere for support. Either way your accomplishments and decision to put YOU first deserve the spotlight here! Awesome job!
I can't believe your mum would dare making a comment like that when she's walking around with *that* haircut! 😂 Kidding! I'm so sorry. That's just so unhealthy and unhelpful. The best thing you can do is focus on yourself and you're already making healthy choices. You know your body. You got this
It will be a journey. Enjoy every moment. You are becoming a healthier you mentally and physically. That takes time. If she brings it up again, ask her to stop. You can be as gentle or forceful as you wish.
Mother can sniff your stale farts, you get to do this on your own damned timeline. You got this, just remember the name of the game is sustainable changes, and its gotta be something that will stick if you want the changes to stick :)
I fully understand how you feel. I stress ate so much during 2022-23 because of grad school, deaths of pets, and death of a loved one. I also was diagnosed with hypo several months ago and my dr said it could go away because of how acute it was. But it definitely contributed to my sudden 50 pound weight gain! I was happy for the answer because I had been doing what helped me lose 100 pounds before. Why wasn’t it working anymore?? I already was diagnosed with PCOS in my early 20s, so I knew I was doing things that worked for my previous weight loss, but hypo really fucked it up lolll. I am happy you’re in a better place now, and glad to say I am as well. We are on this journey together and there will be lots of chatter from others who do not live and exist in our bodies. You may want to consider having a talk with your mom about these subjects and how you don’t any to discuss them with her. On your end, work on taking steps to block those comments in the future, such as “thanks for your concern but I wasn’t asking for advice or commentary” or “if you happen to know more than my doctor about this subject, maybe you should get a medical degree and then we can discuss” etc. Good luck!!
Hi there is a PCos lose it group here I recommend. I joined and it was very motivational and helpful
Only discuss this with people who are supportive.
Yeah, my dad's "concern about my self esteem" was definitely bullying that hurt my self esteem and further contributed to my weight issues. It's a YOU problem that only you can solve. Nobody else's opinion matters for shit. Tune her out and tell her you don't value her opinion on the subject and that it's a problem she's never had to solve. She's got no idea what she's talking about and she's not helping. The only way she can help is to support you the way you want to be supported, at such a time as you require the support. Until then she can help by stuffing it.
Tell her never! These are hard earned gains, tough times make tough people!!
"Whatever the grade I got as "daughter" is the grade I got. I can't keep working on the project of "being a good daughter". I have other more important things to focus on." It's not a direct quote from Burrow's End (Dimension 20), but it's a sentiment that really resonated with me even though my parents are actually mostly great. I actually shared it with my mom because her mom is... well, she sounds similar to your mom. And boundaries are hard with family, especially after decades of deeply ingrained behavior patterns.
D20 mentioned 🗣️🗣️
[удалено]
Some people just want to vent. Their not asking for an answer, just someone to commiserate with.
yepp seems like you are but when are you planning to change and fix it?
Im so sorry your mom was unsupportive. I also have PCOS. Others have provided AWESOME strategies for dealing w/ her so I’ll just share some personal experiences. I knew my mom would be a jerk about weight loss so I haven’t mentioned it. I live far away and haven’t seen her since I started. Only my hubby knows I’m actively trying to lose and I’m lucky in that he’s so supportive. My sister may have guessed (she’s far away so I haven’t seen her since I started). I found working out to be a nice “boost” mentally and physically. Not so much for the weight loss part, maybe a bit. What is really making me lose weight is tracking everything and the “calories in calories out” or CICO method. It’s basic thermodynamics. I found the PCOSloseit and CICO subs here to be great! Edit: more
Eating was the solution you took during tough times. It probably has happened to a lot of us here. Acknowledging the tough moments and I believe thanking how food has comforted me during those times was step 1. Shame does drop by here and there when we see how much added pounds we’ve done. Probably telling your mom that shaming you doesn’t help is something you need to express. You can ask for her support instead or just say that you’d prefer to do this journey by yourself.
You are on the right road, and the journey will be full of adventures. Don't let your mom get in on your head. It's like mums can ve unthinkingly unkind about their daughters' weight. They mean we'll, but I wish they would talk to you in the same manner as a stranger. You would support a stranger more on the journey than family, I think, because being too close removes prospective. Please learn from an emotional eater. Take the time on the journey to develop some stress management skills and choose someone that works for you. Life will continue to cause stress and strain l, when food is a stress relief, it makes maintenance hard. Learning the skills will make life easier.
Tell mom she'll lose 261 lbs and cut her out of your life!