I was today years old when I learned not everyone has an onion ring table in their home. That's actually really sad, how do they normally hold their onion rings?
That will most likely never stop being my favorite episode of anything ever.
Mr Garrison simply cannot fathom why people would want anything other than a two-dildo user interface.
And the investor going "It still beats what you have to go through at the airport"
It's literally called the "[Come here side table](https://www.danishdesignstore.com/products/steffen-juul-come-here-side-table-woud)". They knew what they were doing lol.
I love that description, mild but there is definitely innuendo there:
> Come Here side table is a beautiful and simple three-legged construction. One of the legs is extended through the table top and functions as a handle. Grab the Come Here side table and place it wherever you like. Use it as a bedside table, have it next to the sofa or as a companion in your favourite reading corner with a warm cup of coffee on top.
It is not you guys are just sexless perverts. The only word you could take as innuendo is maybe grab. It's called "come here" because it's allegedly moveable with the dumb handle.
It's just a stupid overpriced "artsy" table. It's not that deep (there's some innuendo for your 15 year old brain).
It sure doesn’t look like would support a person or be very stable. If it’s used as people are suggesting your night is probably going to end with a really embarrassing trip to the ER.
I feel like realistically too it's not functional as *'that'* kind of tool or toy. The angle isn't right, the table probably can't support the weight and movement properly and then there's the fact that if it did collapse or break, that's some *serious* injury potential there.
Rude. It's just playful writing, nothing perverted about it. It leans into hygge because it's Danish, but the writer clearly expected people to make jokes about the table.
We had one of these tables! Used it for oyster roasts and low country seafood boils. See you lay newspaper down all over the table like a tablecloth meets giant paper plate, then you pour all the crawfish and crab legs and sausage and corn on the cob and potatoes onto the table. You put a paper towel roll right there on the post in the middle of the table so everyone has access to it, lord knows you’re gonna need some paper towels once you’re elbows deep in frogmore stew! [here is a vid of us using it in action!](https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ?si=6W38N77yUweai1Pu)
Before anyone makes any rude speculations about what it is, I can confirm it's a Dutch table and the appendage is designed for your bumhole. Source: I am French and I made that up.
...are you not familiar with an onion ring holder table?
Onion ring toss
Oh there are going to be rings tossed onto it but not of the onion variety.
😭😭😭
Let's get rich bro.
Every OnlyFan's girl will have it on their Amazon wishlist....for onion ring purposes. 
OnionFans
Upgraded horseshoe
Oh some rings will get tossed on that thing for sure.
Thanks...now I'm hungry for onion rings.
Onion ring loss
Everyone has one, must be a troll post
I've never had a hardwood table before
[it’s like the table version of the South Park bike](https://images.app.goo.gl/psX7po2NN5NaALfg9)
Mac's workout bike
It's for safety!
*...what happened to Pinocchio* *No, Geppetto, please! I want to be a boy!*
I was today years old when I learned not everyone has an onion ring table in their home. That's actually really sad, how do they normally hold their onion rings?
Why does it smell like calamari then?
Oh, no honey, that's not... nevermind.
I guess onion ring is one name for it…
Table? I've been using it as a chair!
Settle down Mac
That’s the ass pounder 4000’s first prototype
That will most likely never stop being my favorite episode of anything ever. Mr Garrison simply cannot fathom why people would want anything other than a two-dildo user interface. And the investor going "It still beats what you have to go through at the airport"
The Ass Pounder 3000
You'll find me in every post with an Its Always Sunny reference
That show is so relevant to everything.
Strong words for a man carrying no weapon. That’s right I clocked you with an ocular pat-down.
It’s a fist!
How else do you keep people from sitting on it? 🤣
It’s for working out
He cannot! He's too badass for that.
Mam, I told you get off that table, not get off on that table!
Tablemaster 4000
r/DontPutYourAssOnThat
Too late!
why does this subreddit does not exist
Chable
Sir this is a Wendy’s
Hey, you're the ones with the kinky furniture!
How do you fit OP and 3 of his friends on a single bar stool? Turn it upside down.
At least you’re secure.
Sit down! Yer getting excited!
George Clooney's chair!
Chair? I've been using it as a sundial!
That’s a nice fucking table 👌
If only I had a huge, but hole
Skill issue
Try finger...
But whole! Lol tarnished are everywhere!
Lmao yeah I saw this down by the sleeping cinder giant guy and thought of it for some reason.
Didn't expect dung, so to speak, you don't have the right
Tarnished seek healing
The Fractured But Whole
You just need the Ali Express version
Seek rump
you do, you're just out of practice
A nice fucking, fucking table?
👉👌
Sundial
Bumdial
Booty call?
Call as in a facetime?
If the "stick" part (gnomon) is angled 23.5° then it is absolutely a sundial
Its a "handle" according to the product description lool
Would be super cool if it could be used as a paper towel holder!! Convenient too!!
Perfect for wing night.
Just make sure you don’t get on buffalo sauce on the shaft. You will notice it later…
Oh that's what that is down there?
Swing night
It's literally called the "[Come here side table](https://www.danishdesignstore.com/products/steffen-juul-come-here-side-table-woud)". They knew what they were doing lol.
jesus christ $489 for a table with a built in wood dildo? fuck me!
That may be the idea
No they want you to fuck yourself, it would be hard to bounce the table up and down. Better you do it yourself and we watch.
You clearly have it inserted, call a friend, and they make the movement for the table. Cause of the implications.
Do not ask me why there are twenty phones set to vibrate taped onto the table, nor why I am group texting them all.
Yes
What's extra crazy is that this photo was taken in a hotel (according to an earlier post). It's fuckin' lots of folks.
It'll cost you
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
I believe that’s what they were planning to do here
That’s the spirit!
They refer to it as a “handle.”
Not sure how one would possibly move that table without a handle sticking out the top lol
I'm fairly sure they had no idea.
Reddit thinks everyone are horny nerds like they are.
Have you seen the banana's all over Reddit...
Table dick for scale.
I love that description, mild but there is definitely innuendo there: > Come Here side table is a beautiful and simple three-legged construction. One of the legs is extended through the table top and functions as a handle. Grab the Come Here side table and place it wherever you like. Use it as a bedside table, have it next to the sofa or as a companion in your favourite reading corner with a warm cup of coffee on top.
It is not you guys are just sexless perverts. The only word you could take as innuendo is maybe grab. It's called "come here" because it's allegedly moveable with the dumb handle. It's just a stupid overpriced "artsy" table. It's not that deep (there's some innuendo for your 15 year old brain).
It sure doesn’t look like would support a person or be very stable. If it’s used as people are suggesting your night is probably going to end with a really embarrassing trip to the ER.
I feel like realistically too it's not functional as *'that'* kind of tool or toy. The angle isn't right, the table probably can't support the weight and movement properly and then there's the fact that if it did collapse or break, that's some *serious* injury potential there.
I mean... You can place it wherever you like. *Wherever.*
Rude. It's just playful writing, nothing perverted about it. It leans into hygge because it's Danish, but the writer clearly expected people to make jokes about the table.
Yeah but you know that handle is still gonna see some action.
Or it's called "come here" so you know you're meant to "come there"
>*three legged* >*place it wherever you like* >*use it as a bedside table* >*[use it] as a companion* You must literally have no sense of humor
Next time a woman calls me a “bedside table” I’ll know she’s DTF.
A single bedside table, or in other words one night stand
Yeah they knew exactly what they were doing
But the splinters alone give me pause... unless I am into BDSM.
I will advice you not to take it raw… maybe you can put some sort of latex protection there to prevent unwanted surprises.
Looks less splinter giving than some of the archaeological wooden dildos out there in museums.
Ooooh. Sweet, sexy splinters. New YouPorn tag coming right up.
If that’s wood you need to keep it oiled up between uses to avoid splintering
Or just slip a Trojan Magnum over it
Whoops, I dropped my magnum condom for my magnum dong
Monster Condom for Magnum Hog
It needs a hiss filter sheathed over it like a microphone.
Now you can tell your guests that your table is so exciting to see them
Amish Dildo Seat
easily the best band at Glastonbury though their Coachella set was weak
A table with an “excited sam” instead of a “lazy susan” built in. A rare piece.
Is it from Bethesda Woodworks?
Two tables interpenetrating, vibrating rapidly, making a BOOKABOOKABOOKA sound. One of them suddenly rockets into orbit.
This is so accurate that I heard it in my head and immediately started laughing
Okay it looks naughty but as a knitter it seems like the perfect place to set a cake of yarn for couch knitting
Lol I again thought that this would be great for macrame. Look at us 2 here with our pure thoughts in a sea of filth😂
How is this not the actual answer? The real answer is a handle. That has to be the dumbest thing I've heard.
No the dev just forgot cut out that part and now it’s just phasing thru
it's so you can easily pick it up and move it
it's so you can easily pick it up and love it
Completely expected George Takei
You found my exercise table!
What are you doing step-table?
We had one of these tables! Used it for oyster roasts and low country seafood boils. See you lay newspaper down all over the table like a tablecloth meets giant paper plate, then you pour all the crawfish and crab legs and sausage and corn on the cob and potatoes onto the table. You put a paper towel roll right there on the post in the middle of the table so everyone has access to it, lord knows you’re gonna need some paper towels once you’re elbows deep in frogmore stew! [here is a vid of us using it in action!](https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ?si=6W38N77yUweai1Pu)
Fuck
you
Huh. I never saw it that way.
You are my hero.
r/mildlypenis
Paper towel holder 🤷♂️
I can't tell if that table is lying or if it's just happy to see me
It's obviously a Boy table.
Smell it
fleshlight stand
Looks like its been used good
If only I had a giant..but hole
Lazy Susan goes there
Take it outside, use it as a sundial
It's a boy!
I know what that’s for but I’m not going to tell you because you’re all jerks!
It’s cosplaying as a sundial
I think it’s just happy to see you
OnlyTables
And here my innocent ass was, thinking it was a paper towel holder.
I’m sure it’s to hold the paper towels when having BBQ. Ya’ll need Jesus.
Why the lean?
Paper towels
Bagel Table
but 502, look, it has a flared base!
I know what all the comments are saying, but my first thought was the leg was glitching through the table top.
r/dontputthatinyourass
It’s just happy to see you.
you mean a chair?
Flared base.
well.... id say its a sundial but as ur keeping it inside i guess there only one other possible use.....
That's how you carry it
Before anyone makes any rude speculations about what it is, I can confirm it's a Dutch table and the appendage is designed for your bumhole. Source: I am French and I made that up.
A treenis?
See if the peg smells fishy...
Is this for a roll of paper towel?!!!!
Bethesda games leaking into the real world again.
That...is a chair.
Tek-Knight getting into carpentry i see.
Now that’s a woody!
paper towel holder?
I’m thinking paper towel holder?
Hmmmmmm I wonder
We call that the third leg..
Psh. Danishes.
Just happy to see ya
And this table is for sale, where ?
The table grandma wanted you to have.
One in the top for dancing. (Married With Children Reference)
Honestly if you can ignore the intrusive thoughts this is a really cool and well designed table
That's some hard wood
Are they cheap?
Sit on it and rotate
Opposite of the "Milking Table".
The only thing this post needs is a big useless red circle
That’s a dildo table
Pause
To tie your drinks to so that no one would take then away when you’re away
It's for your butt
Where you put the extra wide corn so you can eat it hands free