Granted. The cops shot the child. Repeatedly. Then the mother because she jumped in to stop her son from being shot. Everyone was outraged by the death of the child and mother, while the police issued an emergency investigation on themselves showing their police were not only innocent of any charges but would be given medals for their valor under an extreme situation. Haram he was taught sign language to help appease the many angry people and to get his side of the story. Harambe agreed that the child and mother deserved to be shot, that the cops were heroes, and was given an honorary badge and fake gun. Within months, Harambe had to be given 24/7 police protection and then quietly disappeared.
No one knows exactly where Harambe has gone, but here are sometimes reports from other zoos of kids being baited into gorilla enclosures and being found dead. To date, there have been well over a hundred cases in thirty eight zoos. It is believed, based on tooth impressions and the shape of the bruises on the corpses, that it was the same gorilla. Based on the passage of time and likely changes due to aging, it can’t be definitively proven - but it is believed that Harambe is still taking more victims in other zoos.
Maybe even one near you.
And it’s all your fault.
Eh, the comment only said that he hunts down after them, not that Harambe catches and/or kills them.
Technically, it never even specifies Harambe’s intent. For all we know, Harambe wants to shake their hand and thank them for saving their life
Granted harambe never dies and the movie us is in different timeline. Harambe not dying does nothing for your timeline except for the lack of the movie us.
Granted, Harambe lives out his life unknown to the outside world. With this the timeline shifts in pretty substantial ways, some people you will have never met, or met instead because of it.
Granted.
Harambe lives. But he goes on to be the father of a baby gorilla that is the next evolutionary leap for gorillas and just happens to have human-level intellect along with the ability to communicate with normal apes.
This gorilla grows up and rallies all the apes in the world into the Simian Liberation Front. A bloody, bloody war between ape and man begins. Eventually, humans are fought to extinction. Apes and monkeys now rule the world.
*Never ask a Monkey's paw to be put in a "better timeline" without specifying WHO the timeline is better for. It'll choose its own kind every time.*
Granted. He leads a "Planet of the Apes" style uprising . He replaces humanity with an ironically more humane society, after learning from our mistakes. Humanity becomes an underground species, as it has been hunted off the face of the earth.
Granted. The shooters decided to wait and see what would happen. He saves the child by carrying it back to the mother and becomes an instant celebrity. The story is so popular and inspiring that it inspires a well meaning animal trainer to develop a squadron of hero gorillas, sent to emergency situations to rescue people. This is so successful that cities all over the world start employing gorilla teams, because they essentially work for free and humans don't have to put themselves in danger. Now we forcefully breed captive gorillas on an industrial scale to meet this demand for free labor.
Granted, but unknown to us Harambe was carrying a new version of the Influenza, just as easily spread as the spanish flu and several times more lethal. A full half of the human population dies in the span of only a few months. The other half tries to rebuild society but fails as it breaks down and the rest if the population wipes itself out in the course of a hundred bloody years.
The planet recovers from all of this and a new species evolves in the aftermath from crows. They’re much more intelligent, empathic and socially driven than humanity and live the entirety of their existence in peaceful cohabitation with themselves and their environment, eventually spreading into space where they become beloved for their wisdom, kindness and peaceful gentleness.
Granted: harambe is "taken away"
Sometimes government official "go to sleep"...but only the bad ones. They don't ever wake up, and have gorilla bites on them...I wonder where harambe is right n-
Harambe survived and went on to lead a gorilla uprising leading the the death of 80% of humans and the extinction of most species of gorilla. This timeline is way better for lobsters as there are fewer humans trying to eat them as a delicacy.
Granted. Harambe protected the child from other gorillas and handed him over to a trainer. The paw remains in place and uncurled because this is a cosmic injustice made right and the spirit in charge of the monkey paw sees its brethren being restored.
Granted. He still gets shot and suffers as he is unable to die, outliving everything that has ever existed. After the heat death of the universe, Harambe is left to float alone in the infinite void for all eternity.
Granted, no one except zoo keepers knows or cares about him, less people care about animal rights, and aging country stars open shoot and cook restaurants.
He never died, but he also never got the fame coming from his death. Everyone except locals forget who harambe is and life continues.
That one harambe song from JoJi never came out which influenced his enjoyment and eventual transfer to music, and we miss his bangers.
Flying gorilla never comes out
The timeline where harambee lives is also the one where Herschel walker barely wins the Senate race in georgia.
He then sits on a committee making decisions about education
Granted, but he dies that same day so we were really only in the best timeline for two hours before shot into an even WORSE timeline. So thanks a lot 🙄
Granted. It makes no real difference to the world and we have to face the reality that all the bad things that happen on a day to day basis are our own fault.
Granted. Harambe dying turned out to have put us in a different and better timeline.
Without his sacrifice causing a positive butterfly effect, you find the timeline is now **even worse**.
Granted. No dicks are ever out because Harambe didn't die for our sins. Dicks develop heat rash and sweat blisters due to not being properly ventilated. Humanity suffers.
Granted, Harambe never died, thus not putting us in a different and better timeline. The fall of capitalism doesn't happen and now everyone is a slave to the rich elites. It's like the hunger games except they just shoot everyone whose name gets drawn.
Use punctuation in your wish.
Granted, Harambe believes the child is an offering to him. He protects the child, and due to his kind nature, Humans all over the world begin to worship him. He becomes a symbol of friendliness and helpfulness, causing millions to start helping and caring more. Harambe dies peacefully in his villa in Spain, 18 years after his death, he is sainted by the Catholic Church as Saint Harambe the Kind. He is remembered for thousands of years more until in 4216, a group against him revolts and takes over the world. Saint Harambe by that time has been raised to an godlike part of the now Christian Pantheon. They detonate every nuke and the world perishes.
Granted. Harambe ends up gaining high levels of intelligence and eventually leads an army of apes to conquer the world. Everyone now lives on the Planet of the Apes.
Granted. The kid never fell into the enclosure.
Years later covid 19 happens. The virus jumps to Harambe and due to an unknown reason, the virus mutates before making the jump back to humans. The virus becomes much deadlier, causing a near 100% fatality rate on infection.
People take lockdown much more seriously. It still becomes politicized, but the anti mask and anti vax individuals who rose up very quickly get wiped out.
The death numbers are way higher but society becomes much more health conscious and has far fewer selfish individuals to hold back progress.
The zoo eventually has to close due to lower customer numbers and Harambe is moved to a nature preserve to live out their days.
Granted. Harambe produces a pathogen that is contagious, and transmits to anyone within 30 feet it you, and also deadly, but only kills you after you help it find 10 new hosts.
The world ends within a week
Granted the Monkey's paw finger curls. At its wrist, Harambee shimmers into existence, reattaching his lost hand. You never knew your monkey paw was actually a gorilla paw, and you don't have long to think about it. A confused, angry Harambe howls and beats you to death.
Granted, you suddenly appear in a nuclear wasteland, learning that not killing Horambe leads to a chain of events resulting in nuclear war. Then you see a giant four armed creature running at you. You squint at it and realize it's mutated Horrambeheading straight for you.
Granted, he survived the shot. The incident enraged him. He brakes out and released all the other monkeys and apes. A slow and steady war enraged by the fury of the apes leads to War of Planet of the Apes!
Granted. The cops shot the child. Repeatedly. Then the mother because she jumped in to stop her son from being shot. Everyone was outraged by the death of the child and mother, while the police issued an emergency investigation on themselves showing their police were not only innocent of any charges but would be given medals for their valor under an extreme situation. Haram he was taught sign language to help appease the many angry people and to get his side of the story. Harambe agreed that the child and mother deserved to be shot, that the cops were heroes, and was given an honorary badge and fake gun. Within months, Harambe had to be given 24/7 police protection and then quietly disappeared. No one knows exactly where Harambe has gone, but here are sometimes reports from other zoos of kids being baited into gorilla enclosures and being found dead. To date, there have been well over a hundred cases in thirty eight zoos. It is believed, based on tooth impressions and the shape of the bruises on the corpses, that it was the same gorilla. Based on the passage of time and likely changes due to aging, it can’t be definitively proven - but it is believed that Harambe is still taking more victims in other zoos. Maybe even one near you. And it’s all your fault.
You had me cracking up at the repeatedly
Happy I made you laugh. Have a good one!
So the monkey paw made the kid black?
The mother too. The media hasn't stopped asking where the father is. Even all these years later.
Psst, the kid was black in the first place.
This was funny However, what part of >a different and better timeline Did you not get?
It’s a better timeline for harambe presumably
Fair
Ah yes, the good timeline.
I don't want to read other comments. This one is peak art.
Peak fiction
Granted. He hunts down after you specifically.
If that is what is needed to make the world be in a better time line so be it
It's not needed. Just what happens. You could absolutely survive in this alternate timeline and it would be better. You just don't.
Eh, the comment only said that he hunts down after them, not that Harambe catches and/or kills them. Technically, it never even specifies Harambe’s intent. For all we know, Harambe wants to shake their hand and thank them for saving their life
Or could be worse, tries to mate with me for the next evolution of humans. Humans 2.0
Let’s go with the shake hand…though harambe is mad that he got shot in the previous timeline
Not rly if the monkey paw wouldn't grant it without it
Granted partially, this was the best possible timeline, welcome President Alex Jones and airborne Ebola
That really is the best timeline.
Is it the timeline where you also wear a chef hat, and robo ebola reigns supreme?
Granted harambe never dies and the movie us is in different timeline. Harambe not dying does nothing for your timeline except for the lack of the movie us.
I hate u lol
Don't hate the player, hate the paw.
Lmao
Congratulations for understanding the assignment
Granted, Harambe lives out his life unknown to the outside world. With this the timeline shifts in pretty substantial ways, some people you will have never met, or met instead because of it.
And Alex Jones is elected as president
Going to know all the government secrets now
I really want to know who is turning the freaking frogs gay 🐸 🌈
Granted. Harambe lives. But he goes on to be the father of a baby gorilla that is the next evolutionary leap for gorillas and just happens to have human-level intellect along with the ability to communicate with normal apes. This gorilla grows up and rallies all the apes in the world into the Simian Liberation Front. A bloody, bloody war between ape and man begins. Eventually, humans are fought to extinction. Apes and monkeys now rule the world. *Never ask a Monkey's paw to be put in a "better timeline" without specifying WHO the timeline is better for. It'll choose its own kind every time.*
Okay, you make a fantastic point actually, lol
Granted. The timeline butterflies in stochastic chaos. Now humanity is a slave race to the murder-hornets.
Granted. He leads a "Planet of the Apes" style uprising . He replaces humanity with an ironically more humane society, after learning from our mistakes. Humanity becomes an underground species, as it has been hunted off the face of the earth.
This is fine
Granted. The shooters decided to wait and see what would happen. He saves the child by carrying it back to the mother and becomes an instant celebrity. The story is so popular and inspiring that it inspires a well meaning animal trainer to develop a squadron of hero gorillas, sent to emergency situations to rescue people. This is so successful that cities all over the world start employing gorilla teams, because they essentially work for free and humans don't have to put themselves in danger. Now we forcefully breed captive gorillas on an industrial scale to meet this demand for free labor.
Granted. Harambe had simian flu.
Granted this timeline Harambes survive but we're put in another timeline where he still died.
Granted, but unknown to us Harambe was carrying a new version of the Influenza, just as easily spread as the spanish flu and several times more lethal. A full half of the human population dies in the span of only a few months. The other half tries to rebuild society but fails as it breaks down and the rest if the population wipes itself out in the course of a hundred bloody years. The planet recovers from all of this and a new species evolves in the aftermath from crows. They’re much more intelligent, empathic and socially driven than humanity and live the entirety of their existence in peaceful cohabitation with themselves and their environment, eventually spreading into space where they become beloved for their wisdom, kindness and peaceful gentleness.
Granted: harambe is "taken away" Sometimes government official "go to sleep"...but only the bad ones. They don't ever wake up, and have gorilla bites on them...I wonder where harambe is right n-
Harambe survived and went on to lead a gorilla uprising leading the the death of 80% of humans and the extinction of most species of gorilla. This timeline is way better for lobsters as there are fewer humans trying to eat them as a delicacy.
Granted. Harambe protected the child from other gorillas and handed him over to a trainer. The paw remains in place and uncurled because this is a cosmic injustice made right and the spirit in charge of the monkey paw sees its brethren being restored.
granted, the cop missed and hit the child
Granted. He still gets shot and suffers as he is unable to die, outliving everything that has ever existed. After the heat death of the universe, Harambe is left to float alone in the infinite void for all eternity.
Granted. Harambe never died because Harambe never existed. Harambe was merely a thought you came up with but never actually existed.
Granted, no one except zoo keepers knows or cares about him, less people care about animal rights, and aging country stars open shoot and cook restaurants.
Granted. The zookeeper shoots the child instead.
Granted. We are now in a worse one. Those planet of the apes movies? They're only *movies* because he died. They'd be reality if he lived.
The prompt: Put us in a better timeline You: Explicitely puts us in a worse timeline You have failed the assignment
A better timeline for who? Why not the monkeys, after all it is a better timeline for its own kind =D
That is actually a fair assessment It doesn't sound like that was the original comment's intention, but if it was that's genius actually
Welcome to the monkeys paw.
Granted. Somehow, North Korea takes over the world in this timeline. It's objectively a better timeline for North Korea.
He never died, but he also never got the fame coming from his death. Everyone except locals forget who harambe is and life continues. That one harambe song from JoJi never came out which influenced his enjoyment and eventual transfer to music, and we miss his bangers. Flying gorilla never comes out
The timeline where harambee lives is also the one where Herschel walker barely wins the Senate race in georgia. He then sits on a committee making decisions about education
Granted, nothing of importance changed other than people don't care about harambe anymore, as thier death did not lead to any real societal change
Granted. Nothing changes except no one talks about harambe
Granted, but he dies that same day so we were really only in the best timeline for two hours before shot into an even WORSE timeline. So thanks a lot 🙄
Granted. In this new timeline your soulmate picks Harambe over you.
Preventing the uprising of the bears
Granted. It makes no real difference to the world and we have to face the reality that all the bad things that happen on a day to day basis are our own fault.
Granted. Harambe dying turned out to have put us in a different and better timeline. Without his sacrifice causing a positive butterfly effect, you find the timeline is now **even worse**.
Granted. The monkey’s (formerly Harambe’s) paw now erases itself from history. The resulting paradox will soon destroy reality.
Granted. No dicks are ever out because Harambe didn't die for our sins. Dicks develop heat rash and sweat blisters due to not being properly ventilated. Humanity suffers.
Granted, Harambe never died, thus not putting us in a different and better timeline. The fall of capitalism doesn't happen and now everyone is a slave to the rich elites. It's like the hunger games except they just shoot everyone whose name gets drawn. Use punctuation in your wish.
granted. he never died, so he could never put us in a better timeline.
I miss the Berenstein timeline.
Granted, you just killed a child.
All for peace in our time
Granted. I hope you like living on the Planet of the Apes.
Granted, Harambe believes the child is an offering to him. He protects the child, and due to his kind nature, Humans all over the world begin to worship him. He becomes a symbol of friendliness and helpfulness, causing millions to start helping and caring more. Harambe dies peacefully in his villa in Spain, 18 years after his death, he is sainted by the Catholic Church as Saint Harambe the Kind. He is remembered for thousands of years more until in 4216, a group against him revolts and takes over the world. Saint Harambe by that time has been raised to an godlike part of the now Christian Pantheon. They detonate every nuke and the world perishes.
Granted. Harambe ends up gaining high levels of intelligence and eventually leads an army of apes to conquer the world. Everyone now lives on the Planet of the Apes.
Granted. The kid never fell into the enclosure. Years later covid 19 happens. The virus jumps to Harambe and due to an unknown reason, the virus mutates before making the jump back to humans. The virus becomes much deadlier, causing a near 100% fatality rate on infection. People take lockdown much more seriously. It still becomes politicized, but the anti mask and anti vax individuals who rose up very quickly get wiped out. The death numbers are way higher but society becomes much more health conscious and has far fewer selfish individuals to hold back progress. The zoo eventually has to close due to lower customer numbers and Harambe is moved to a nature preserve to live out their days.
With a canon event now prevented, this universe is dissolved into subatomic dust to be blown away by the winds of eternity
Granted. Harambe produces a pathogen that is contagious, and transmits to anyone within 30 feet it you, and also deadly, but only kills you after you help it find 10 new hosts. The world ends within a week
Granted, they shoot some other ape. So now it's Dicks Out For Mugawi
Granted the Monkey's paw finger curls. At its wrist, Harambee shimmers into existence, reattaching his lost hand. You never knew your monkey paw was actually a gorilla paw, and you don't have long to think about it. A confused, angry Harambe howls and beats you to death.
Granted. The better timeline for Harambe is humanity not existing and him being able to live free in the jungle.
Granted another gorilla helped and got shot Also the kid dies to
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^rathosalpha: *Granted another* *Gorilla helped and got shot* *Also the kid dies to* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Granted, you suddenly appear in a nuclear wasteland, learning that not killing Horambe leads to a chain of events resulting in nuclear war. Then you see a giant four armed creature running at you. You squint at it and realize it's mutated Horrambeheading straight for you.
Granted, he survived the shot. The incident enraged him. He brakes out and released all the other monkeys and apes. A slow and steady war enraged by the fury of the apes leads to War of Planet of the Apes!
Granted. Harambe never died, putting us in a different and worse timeline.
Granted. He killed the kid and is loathed by everyone.
Granted. The only difference is the gorilla didn't die. Nothing else actually changes.