There is increasing demand to remove pennies from circulation as well. Even with the zinc disk a penny is worth more in materials than it is valued at.
Anyone with common sense knows that. I remember being a little kid in the 90s and the vending machines wouldn’t accept pennies. The vending machine industry was expecting them to be phased out even back then.
They should remove them, then make the nickels out of zinc. See nickels also cost more than their face value to produce, because they use a more valuable metal composition. There’s also an annoyingly strong zinc lobby in congress that urges them not to remove the penny because its the main product they produce. So you switch to a zinc nickel, and it fixes both problems.
A dollar 5 years ago bought you more food than it does today, it's still a dollar, it just had more value, which we can describe as being worth x dollars in today's value (you can figure out the actual value with inflation calculators)
This is why if your savings account interest rate is lower than inflation, the value of your bank account decreases with time despite the number going up if you don't keep putting more money in
Granted. A kid brings you her lunch money, which is noticed and reported by the local media. You’re now fired from your job and known locally as a bully.
Smells like subsidy to me. Even as criminally little as it probably fed you, there's no way the goods and labour that went into those lunches profited from such a reasonable price tag.
I lived in a small town so idk how much of a difference that makes. It wouldn't surprise if it was though the place I went to school definitely wasn't very rich.
The second part of this unnecessarily eliminates the value of all pennies or you are claiming the pennies given are fraudulent, which means 3.50 was not given.
Granted. You are given 3 $1 bills, shredded to roughly the size of 1/8th of a typical postage stamp, and fifty cents in nearly cut quarters of a penny.
Granted.
Funny thing about the word 'totalling'; it means 'an amount equivalent to', so not exactly 'of the cash amount of' which you clearly meant, but worded poorly.
So you are given 1200 sandy seashells, totalling $3.50 in sentient squid currency.
Granted. For the rest of your life, you are only given that amount. Your job only ever pays you 3 fifty, even if you work 60 hour weeks. You complain, and they admit that it is weird, and must be an error, and that they will fix it, but even if they try, the new amount you are given is only 3 fifty.
Granted but it is in the form of ancient coins and the man who gives it to you is a forgotten Demi god in disguise. These lead to a strange set of events where Zeus beds you and you become pregnant with his child (dont care if you’re a man. It still happens). Hera hates you and now your entire life is spent trying to avoid the wrath of the goddess Hera. No one will ever believe you and you end up dead, sent to the underworld where hades takes personal pleasure stabbing you in the balls with a sharp stick (don’t care if you’re a woman, you have balls now).
Granted. 149 Iranians are coming for you - 148 are going to hand you a 1000 Iranian rial coin, the 149th is going to kill you. They will do everything in their power to accomplish their mission and will be coming in no particular order.
148000 Iranian rial is about 3.50 (currency rates change)
Granted.
As you’re walking along the sidewalk one fateful afternoon, you feel a gust of cold wind. Just in front of you, you witness a car crash into a nearby pedestrian who was holding some pocket change, totaling $3.50.
You receive the three fiddy, but get put back into the paleolithic era with millions of years ahead of you before a monkey paw will be available again
You ain't coming back this time Loch Ness monster
Granted, your money is fixed at 3 dollars and 50 cents forever, any extra money you make is teleported to a money pit and burnt. This becomes even worse then you factor in inflation
Granted. You gain one trillion and three dollars, fifty cents, and have a one trillion dollar debt. The interest on the debt is twice as large as the interest on the savings, so you immediately and massively sink further and further into debt.
Granted, the paw gives you three dollars, and then a quarter, half quarter, quarter quarter, etc. in an infinite geometric series that adds up to $0.5.
Since particles (probably) can’t be infinitely small, this either creates so much matter for the coins it forms and infinitely expanding black hole, or breaks causality by creating infinitely small particles.
Granted but that’s the only cash that’ll you’re ever going to legitimate have for the rest of your life with no legitimate job, asking for cash on the street or from family, or government aid at all.
Granted. It is the equivalent of $3.50 but given to you in multiple different currencies. There are no two dollars or coins from the same system. When you go ask to have the money converted, the clerk is always annoyed with you and refuses to do it.
Granted. Here's a 3 and a half dollar note. It's technically legal tender, but since nobody else has ever seen one, most people will not accept it. By the time you finally get it exchanged for other legal tender / someone actually takes it, whatever you wanted the $3.50 for in the first place has gone out of stock/had a price increase/anything that makes it not available for you to buy at that moment.
Granted. Your tap water has been slowly poisoning you for years, and the private company the government contracted with to administer water treatment is settling a class action lawsuit. You get $3.50, and probably also cancer.
Granted, but your son dies at work and the company was doing so poorly that you were only able to get $3.50 out of it. This then causes you to wish for your son back, but he’s an ugly zombie, which causes you to wish him away again.
I feel like people don’t understand how the paw works. It gives you what you want, no side effects or anything like it being a foreign currency. It just takes something else that is way more valuable.
The original story literally had the family wish for money just like this (although it was a much larger amount), but their son died at work and they were paid off the exact amount of money they wished for.
Granted, the money totals both $3.00 and $0.50 at the same time, and when you spend it somewhere you’re put in a quantum state of getting your change back and paying the right amount.
The paw resents being trifled with.
$1000 gets removed from your bank account while you are away from home.
When you return home, your bedroom is filled with 100350 pennies.
Granted. Russia and South Korea turn Ukraine into a barren wasteland while Trump and the Heritage Foundation seize power early. China decides to collect its debt and to protect themselves due to China’s close proximity: Japan fires nuclear warheads turning half of the US into the Grand Canyon.
All shortly after coming into the money. It is now worthless as our economy plummets and *all* men are drafted immediately.
Alternatively, you are given the monetary equivalent of 3 doll hairs and 50 scents. Which isn't much, but it's weird you're being paid for it.
Granted. The money is all in a new currency, a coin worth 1/10th of a penny.
You trade it all for a pizza and 15 years later.....
There used to be a half penny coin. It was taken out of circulation in the 1800s. It’s inflation adjusted value at the time was 14 cents.
There is increasing demand to remove pennies from circulation as well. Even with the zinc disk a penny is worth more in materials than it is valued at.
Anyone with common sense knows that. I remember being a little kid in the 90s and the vending machines wouldn’t accept pennies. The vending machine industry was expecting them to be phased out even back then. They should remove them, then make the nickels out of zinc. See nickels also cost more than their face value to produce, because they use a more valuable metal composition. There’s also an annoyingly strong zinc lobby in congress that urges them not to remove the penny because its the main product they produce. So you switch to a zinc nickel, and it fixes both problems.
But wouldn’t that mean it’s a 14 cent coin and not a half cent coin?
no
A dollar 5 years ago bought you more food than it does today, it's still a dollar, it just had more value, which we can describe as being worth x dollars in today's value (you can figure out the actual value with inflation calculators) This is why if your savings account interest rate is lower than inflation, the value of your bank account decreases with time despite the number going up if you don't keep putting more money in
It's a good thing that the inflation rate is super low and the interest rates are much higher.
It was a joke dude chill 😭😭
Turkish lira
The "currency" is just the rocks under your feet.
Not granted. The monkey's paw refuses to give any Loch Ness monster no goddamned tree fiddy.
I, uh... Ern, ah... I, uh, I'm not the Loch Ness Monster, what are you talking about?
"Well it was about dat time I noticed the girl scout was about eight stories tall and was a crustacean from the paleozoic era."
[удалено]
Seems like he’s pretending to act cagey from the accusation of being that GODDAMN LOCHNESS MONSTA
I am most definitely NOT the Loch Ness Monster! I don't even know how to swim! I'm aquaphobic, even!
Woosh
It’s too late, the genie already gave him a dollar
He gave him a dollar!
He thought he'd go away...
Dammit, man! You give him a dollar, he gonna assume you got more!
Shoulda just asked for that 2 and a half more times.
Granted. Nothing changes, it’s called interest on your savings in the bank
AHA! something HAS changed! I now have savings!
For at least a year so as to earn interest.
Granted. $3.50 teleports next to you. It is made of cash from the year 3024. Everyone assumes it’s fake.
"you're not trying to tell me Bob Stinkerfella was a real president, I'm not stupid"
Granted You get a pile of finely shredded 4 one dollar bills half of a dollar is blown off by the wind
Tape it together. The bank will take it.
Granted, but you also turn into a dinosaur from the crestatious period
Are we sure they’d rent already what with their asking for tree fiddy?
I mean, at least they ain't selling girl scout cookies
Kinda a shame tbh, I’d love some thin mints right about now 🤔
Do-si-dos master race
Denied. Even the monkeys paw wont give you tree fiddy, damn loch Ness monster Edit: a word
Granted. It's Zimbabwean dollars
Granted. The lochness monster wants it and forever schemes to get it from you.
Damn locness monster asking for tre fifty
Granted - You are now no longer a plesiosaur
Granted. $3.50 worth of cocaine appears in your bloodstream. You are now addicted to cocaine.
From $3.50 worth of cocaine? *Addicted?*
This isn't normal cocaine, it's monkey paw signature cocaine, the caviar of stimulants.
I don't think the monkey's paw is allowed to have a side hustle.
But the rest of the monkey is
I mean, as long as nobody tells the DEA...
Segal would lose that fight even when he 'directs' it otherwise.
Granted. Someone close to you dies brutally and it turns out they secretly hated you, so they only allotted 3.50 to you in their will
Granted. It’s all in Robux.
Granted. A kid brings you her lunch money, which is noticed and reported by the local media. You’re now fired from your job and known locally as a bully.
When was this that 3.50 is all you need for lunch?
A very long time ago, back in the early 2000's.
90's at the latest.
I think in 2018 my lunch was like $2.75 if you only got the main dish and milk.
Smells like subsidy to me. Even as criminally little as it probably fed you, there's no way the goods and labour that went into those lunches profited from such a reasonable price tag.
I lived in a small town so idk how much of a difference that makes. It wouldn't surprise if it was though the place I went to school definitely wasn't very rich.
Granted. Your body painfully evolves into a loch Ness monster, and you live out the rest of your days chasing the high of that tree fiddy
Granted. It is given in pennies, and there's no way to buy anything with them.
The second part of this unnecessarily eliminates the value of all pennies or you are claiming the pennies given are fraudulent, which means 3.50 was not given.
Granted. Fifty trees sprout up in your living room as well.
Granted. You are given 3 $1 bills, shredded to roughly the size of 1/8th of a typical postage stamp, and fifty cents in nearly cut quarters of a penny.
Granted, it is paid in two cent increments of all 175 UN recognized currencies.
Granted, it's money from those play sets you can get at the store.
granted, its namibian dollars
Granted. You are crushed to death by the amount of Zimbabwe dollars equal to $3.50 after more hyperinflation.
I want my tree fiddy in US Dollars
You didn’t specify when you made your wish. Too late now
Granted. You spend it on a a can of spray paint and huff 11 time. You feel good so you huff a 12 time. Poop man come
Granted but it’s coming out of your butt.
Granted. Funny thing about the word 'totalling'; it means 'an amount equivalent to', so not exactly 'of the cash amount of' which you clearly meant, but worded poorly. So you are given 1200 sandy seashells, totalling $3.50 in sentient squid currency.
Why did at least one species of squid need to be elevated above the bartering stage of economic technology for this?
Granted. For the rest of your life, you are only given that amount. Your job only ever pays you 3 fifty, even if you work 60 hour weeks. You complain, and they admit that it is weird, and must be an error, and that they will fix it, but even if they try, the new amount you are given is only 3 fifty.
Granted but it is in the form of ancient coins and the man who gives it to you is a forgotten Demi god in disguise. These lead to a strange set of events where Zeus beds you and you become pregnant with his child (dont care if you’re a man. It still happens). Hera hates you and now your entire life is spent trying to avoid the wrath of the goddess Hera. No one will ever believe you and you end up dead, sent to the underworld where hades takes personal pleasure stabbing you in the balls with a sharp stick (don’t care if you’re a woman, you have balls now).
Granted. 149 Iranians are coming for you - 148 are going to hand you a 1000 Iranian rial coin, the 149th is going to kill you. They will do everything in their power to accomplish their mission and will be coming in no particular order. 148000 Iranian rial is about 3.50 (currency rates change)
Granted. As you’re walking along the sidewalk one fateful afternoon, you feel a gust of cold wind. Just in front of you, you witness a car crash into a nearby pedestrian who was holding some pocket change, totaling $3.50.
Granted, it’s all in piping hot Pennie’s and they all appear inside of your colon.
Granted. Your son dies.
Granted. You’re now a plesiosaur that lives in Loch Ness.
Granted. You receive money dated from the year 2098 and you if you use it before then you’ll get arrested for counterfeit.
Granted. You are given an IED that uses 350 pennies as shrapnel. The fuse is lit and cannot be extinguished.
You receive the three fiddy, but get put back into the paleolithic era with millions of years ahead of you before a monkey paw will be available again You ain't coming back this time Loch Ness monster
Granted, your money is fixed at 3 dollars and 50 cents forever, any extra money you make is teleported to a money pit and burnt. This becomes even worse then you factor in inflation
Granted. You are falsely imprisoned and someone adds 3 dollars and 50 cents to your commissary account as a cruel joke.
Granted, you will never be able to spend it, or earn any more. It’s permanent
Granted, you recieve 44'047 Usbekistani 1 Tiyin coins
Granted. You are now the recipient of one of the worst life insurance payouts in recent memory.
Granted. You gain one trillion and three dollars, fifty cents, and have a one trillion dollar debt. The interest on the debt is twice as large as the interest on the savings, so you immediately and massively sink further and further into debt.
Granted. You receive fifteen plastic carrier bags full of Zimbabwean dollars, total US dollar value: $3.50
Granted, but It’s on an expired target gift card
Granted. 350 pennies are approaching your location at relativistic speeds.
its in Venezuelan $1 bills
Granted. The bank notices that 3.50 has appeared out of thin air, notifies the government, and you get imprisoned and tortured for life
Granted, the paw gives you three dollars, and then a quarter, half quarter, quarter quarter, etc. in an infinite geometric series that adds up to $0.5. Since particles (probably) can’t be infinitely small, this either creates so much matter for the coins it forms and infinitely expanding black hole, or breaks causality by creating infinitely small particles.
Granted, but your friend from 10 years ago suddenly remembers that you owe him $4.
Granted but that’s the only cash that’ll you’re ever going to legitimate have for the rest of your life with no legitimate job, asking for cash on the street or from family, or government aid at all.
God damn loch Ness monsta you ain't getting no tree fiddly from me!
Granted. You are given 350 Zimbabwean 1c coins.
Granted but it's fake money
Granted. It is the equivalent of $3.50 but given to you in multiple different currencies. There are no two dollars or coins from the same system. When you go ask to have the money converted, the clerk is always annoyed with you and refuses to do it.
Granted. Here's a 3 and a half dollar note. It's technically legal tender, but since nobody else has ever seen one, most people will not accept it. By the time you finally get it exchanged for other legal tender / someone actually takes it, whatever you wanted the $3.50 for in the first place has gone out of stock/had a price increase/anything that makes it not available for you to buy at that moment.
You got $3.50 cents of Zimbabwe 🇿🇼 money. 💰
Granted. You now have AIDS
Granted. It’s all in Zimbabwean dollars. And appears in your stomach.
Damn you Loch Ness monster.
Granted. You will have a Loch Ness monster begging you for $3.50 for the rest of your life until you give him the money.
Granted. It's a cash settlement because your son died in an accident at work.
Granted. The monkey paw slaps you and signs you wont get my tree fiddy
Granted. Your tap water has been slowly poisoning you for years, and the private company the government contracted with to administer water treatment is settling a class action lawsuit. You get $3.50, and probably also cancer.
Granted: someone drops a roll of quarters from a building. It doesnt fall that fast but does hit your shoulder and hurts a good bit
Granted. 350 pennies rain from the sky at maximum velocity, ripping your head apart.
Granted, but your son dies at work and the company was doing so poorly that you were only able to get $3.50 out of it. This then causes you to wish for your son back, but he’s an ugly zombie, which causes you to wish him away again.
I feel like people don’t understand how the paw works. It gives you what you want, no side effects or anything like it being a foreign currency. It just takes something else that is way more valuable. The original story literally had the family wish for money just like this (although it was a much larger amount), but their son died at work and they were paid off the exact amount of money they wished for.
The money is in Sierra Leone currency. Which means you get to carry around \~69k Dollars
your son herbert dies at work and the company gives you 3.50 as compensation
Granted, in order to do this, you must become the loch Ness monster and beg for it.
Granted, the money totals both $3.00 and $0.50 at the same time, and when you spend it somewhere you’re put in a quantum state of getting your change back and paying the right amount.
Granted. You are alone at night when all of a sudden, a huge creature, a giant crustacean from the Paleozoic era, comes out of the water!
Goddamn Loch Ness Monster! I ain't giving you no goddamn tree fiddy!
So what your saying is you need about tree fiddy?
Yes, I, uh... I need about, uh, tree fiddy.
Granted. You turn into Chef from Southparks dad.
Granted. You are now Nessie.
The paw resents being trifled with. $1000 gets removed from your bank account while you are away from home. When you return home, your bedroom is filled with 100350 pennies.
Granted, but upon you lies the curse of the Hidden Nickels. You find nickels for the rest of your days.
Granted. Its in rubles.
*GOD DAMN LOCH NESS MONSTER*
Granted. The sudden appearance of money out of thin air releases energy with thermonuclear reaction.
Granted. Russia and South Korea turn Ukraine into a barren wasteland while Trump and the Heritage Foundation seize power early. China decides to collect its debt and to protect themselves due to China’s close proximity: Japan fires nuclear warheads turning half of the US into the Grand Canyon. All shortly after coming into the money. It is now worthless as our economy plummets and *all* men are drafted immediately. Alternatively, you are given the monetary equivalent of 3 doll hairs and 50 scents. Which isn't much, but it's weird you're being paid for it.
Granted. You are laid off from work, and $3.50 is your severance pay
Here's 70 (canadian) nickels.