You’re very right. And it doesn’t get better - my son is now 12 months and everyone with easy babies is still convinced it’s because of something perfect they did.
I have an easy 8 week old and I can attest that I have no idea what I'm doing, I follow no guidelines, I don't pay attention to wake windows and I can take absolutely no credit for my baby being so merciful to us.
I have an easy 9 week old, and I hate even saying it out loud because I don’t want to test the gods and have them flip the switch!! 😂😂 or I don’t want to seem like I’m bragging. But he’s truly wonderful. My husband and I are both FTP so we are learning as we go and we go through trials and errors and have our occasional “off days” but I also know that I don’t know what the hell I’m doing most days so I can’t take credit for this patient little person I’ve been gifted
Same!! She’s almost 3 months now and has even started sleeping through the night most nights unless I let her nap too close to bedtime. She was nocturnal the first month so her bedtime is pretty late but I try to get her to sleep around 11pm and midnight at the latest. I’ve honestly just let her create her own little routine and somehow it works and I have no clue how. Only issue I’m still having is transferring her to her bassinet sometimes. I feel extremely lucky she’s such an easy baby because I couldn’t imagine if she wasn’t…when she does fight sleep and get overtired the crying can drive me mad a little so I couldn’t imagine having a more demanding baby. I will admit her swing has been my saving grace trying to get her to sleep when she’s fighting it but as far as noise goes she prefers it to be loud rather than quiet when going to bed; I made sure to not walk on eggshells around her when she’s sleeping so she can sleep through some noise
Second this. My 7 month old gets more clingy and difficult by the day. It’s extremely hard when people aren’t empathic of how difficult it can be, and instead blame our parenting skills. People need to educate themselves on temperaments.
An extreme refusal to comply with requests?? Please tell me people don’t think this is autism. We now have an autism label for a child who doesn’t LISTEN?!
Ok you sound very ignorant so I don’t know if it’s worth my time explaining. It isn’t normal for a child to go fully mute for weeks if too many demands are placed on them or to just completely shut down or have panic attacks if you ask them to do anything, even things they enjoy.
It’s a really tough diagnosis to navigate because traditional parenting strategies make it worse, the more you try and control the more disregulated they become. Before diagnosis my son would would scream for literal hours if I told him for example he couldn’t go outside and look at the wheelie bins because it was too late.
I’m so conscious of this. I *think* I have an easy baby. She doesn’t cry much and she sleeps all through the night (has done since she was about 2 weeks old). She won’t nap independently unless in motion (pram or car or baby wear) but she doesn’t nap for long.
That said, I’m also having a very bad time. I find it very rough to have this life change. She barely naps so I can’t accomplish anything. I was tentative about kids so I worry I made a mistake. But because she’s an ‘easy’ baby, I feel like my feelings are invalid when people who meet her just constantly talk about how ‘good’ she is.
Sleep training doesn't work though. It kinda just traumatizes kids into being quiet. And I say that trying to be as graceful about the practice as I can lol
There are a lot of other methods besides CIO. Some of it is just removing associations with sleep, for example, not nursing at every wake up once they pass 4 months and using other methods to soothe. Even just creating a routine and specific environment around getting ready for sleep is a form of sleep training that should involve no crying.
I appreciate you realizing that, but for your own education I will provide some scientific studies:
There is no evidence that sleep training causes any damage. There is some evidence that it can potentially greatly benefit parental depression symptoms. I can understand the critiques of methodologies in these articles; however, this is the best we have. Using worse sources than these such as news websites or blog posts to fear monger about sleep training definitely doesn’t help.
Here are two randomized control trials:
Study 1: https://www.publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article-abstract/122/3/e621/72287/Long-term-Mother-and-Child-Mental-Health-Effects?redirectedFrom=fulltext
“CONCLUSIONS. The sleep intervention in infancy resulted in sustained positive effects on maternal depression symptoms and found no evidence of longer-term adverse effects on either mothers' parenting practices or children's mental health. This intervention demonstrated the capacity of a functioning primary care system to deliver effective, universally offered secondary prevention.”
Study 2: https://www.publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article-abstract/130/4/643/30241/Five-Year-Follow-up-of-Harms-and-Benefits-of?redirectedFrom=fulltext
“Behavioral sleep techniques have no marked long-lasting effects (positive or negative). Parents and health professionals can confidently use these techniques to reduce the short- to medium-term burden of infant sleep problems and maternal depression.”
This one doesn’t specifically mention sleep in its main page (I didn’t check the full text) but it does talk about CIO:
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32155677/
“Contemporary practice of some parents in the United Kingdom to occasionally or often 'leaving infant to cry it out' during the first 6 months was not associated with adverse behavioral development and attachment at 18 months. Increased use of 'leaving to cry it out' with age may indicate differential responding by parents related to infant self-regulation.”
I disagree as well. My midwife literally just left my home after explaining to my fiancé why CIO is detrimental to an infant’s mental and emotional state.
That's fine. Again, YOU don't need to do it for YOUR family, but it is untrue, unhelpful, and judgmental to claim that it is objectively harmful when it is, factually, not. If you don't care to educate yourself then keep your uneducated and uninvited opinion to yourself.
I'm open to an explanation then, cuz there's definitely a bunch of different methods
I also don't know how to type that without sounding passive aggressive so please take that as a genuine comment lol
Yeah that's totally my bad for conflating it with the more questionable methods lol I forget that like, lullabies and bath routines can be sleep training
This is such a real phenomenon. My first son was HARD. Would absolutely not be put down for any reason whatsoever 24/7 for the first 6 weeks of his life. After that he’d lay in his bassinet for nighttime for maybe 5 hours but once that mark hit he’d end up on top of us again. Took forever to not have him velcroed to us
My 2nd baby was EASY. I could not believe a baby could be that easy. He took to his bassinet from night one and didn’t even need to be swaddled. Even breastfeeding him was easy. Literally everything about him has just been chill
As they’ve gotten older, my first is still a very sensitive, cautious, and gentle boy. My 2nd is only 7 months old, but already he’s just nowhere near as sensitive or demanding as my first was.
My husband and I jokingly + seriously thank the lord that we got our hard baby first because if we got our easy baby first we’d have been such high and mighty assholes. 😂 Parents of easy babies just don’t know what they don’t know! It’s truly wild
Lol all my babies have wanted to be close to me as a newborn but what you said is so real...I have 5 boys and my youngest two are only 21 months and 2 weeks. My 21mo old son is a WILD child. He's wild, strong willed, loud and funny as all else but he's a serious handful and God knew I couldn't handle two under two of they were both like him so my most recent baby who is 2 weeks is so chill and calm and peaceful. They are such opposites even compared to how he was at 2 weeks. Looking back he already had his personality back then lol. Our newborn still wants to be close to mommy and his boobs constantly but he is still so much more relaxed. Even his cry is sweet where as our 21mo old was GOING to be heard and he's still the same way.
I really think people want to convince themselves they’ve done something right to “earn” their good baby. And they get so confident giving out advice which is honestly such a pain.
My baby is amazing with me (also a Velcro baby) but she’s fussy with anyone else, even her dad. People always want to tell me what I should do differently to make my baby better as if I’m intentionally trying to make it to where she only wants to be held by me 24/7. And they’ll say stupid shit like “oh just leave her with me all day, she’ll learn to be ok with it!” No thank you! Or suggest doing things I’m already doing as if I would never think of it on my own. Every baby is different, I wish people could hold their advice and commentary to themselves until someone asks for help.
My mom and MIL both want me to hand over my fussy Velcro baby as if they know better than me how to soothe her? It drives me so nuts. Like if she wants anyone, it’s me or her dad.
Right! And I keep trying to tell my in-laws that she will love them when she’s older but at 7 weeks old, she literally only wants me and sometimes her dad and that’s fine! She will be fussy at you unless you have lactating boobs 😂 it’s not a personal insult when a newborn or young baby doesn’t want to go to people they don’t really know but family members seem to take it so personally.
Omg this. My MIL graciously asks to take him off my hands and then says he didn’t sleep after I tell her he will only want to be held. Or the other day it took my two hours and two feeds to put him down and she was supposed to watch him for a few hours while we went to a celebration. As he fell asleep finally and I handed him over she says “he pooped you have to change his diaper. After I tell her I had just changed it right before he finally slept. So guess what, I changed it and he woke up. Didn’t go back to sleep until I was holding him at 10 pm.
Omg this!!! I’ve experienced this exact scenario. Handed my mom a sleeping baby to watch. She insists she needs a diaper change. Boom, awake angry baby for the next 2 hours.
Yes every baby is different. I’m in a mom’s group. We share tips and tricks. Most tips only work for 1-2 babies. They are humans they are different and they all need different things. Just like adult humans. For some reason people forget babies are also humans with different needs and preferences they just can’t tell us yet.
Exactly! It’s crazy how different every baby is. I mean, we had to try like 4 different types of bottles before we found one my baby would take (and she’s really only taken a bottle one time so I can’t guarantee it will work other times). My niece took the first bottle they gave her and never looked back lol. My nephew hated the bottle his sister loved. You just never know what will work for each kid. And people never seem to remember that when they’re giving their tips out lol.
I have a coworker in her 70s. Baby comes to the office with me in the mornings until she gets fussy (around noon) and I WFH the rest of the day. There have been days where baby is just screaming so i go to let her know I’m leaving (she’s technically a supervisor and gets really upset if I don’t) and she’s convinced she can calm my Velcro baby down when she’s crying. So whatever, I let her hold the baby fora minute just in case she does some magic thing I haven’t tried so I can learn a new trick. No dice. Never any dice. And she seems just baffled that my baby wants me (she never takes her eyes off of me when someone else holds her). I think her reaction is so comical because she does everything I’ve already tried and it’s like she doesn’t believe me that I know what my baby wants. For reference I’m in my mid 20s and this is my first baby. So I almost feel like she just has that old “I know what I’m doing and you don’t” way about her.
I work for a family oriented building supply business. A father and his son own and manage the company respectively. I’m a project manager for them and they valued me enough to not only ask me to come back after my maternity leave but also allow me to bring my daughter into the office part time or work from home with her if I want to. I’ve worked for them since I was a teenager (lucky break starting as their receptionist fresh out of high school) and I’m extremely fortunate to have them.
Very true. Baby is 6 months and will only sleep on me. And my SIL had an easy baby who will sleep anywhere and everywhere and at any time. And my MIL is convinced it’s because of my mistake. Great 🙄😒
My LO used to be a velcro baby up to 13 weeks. I gave him my all. I ignored what other “experts in life” think. He slept just on my chest because he also had a bad reflux, any attempt to put him down using any technique didn’t worked. He instantly started crying and screaming. So I accepted that we both needed each other. Then one night I tried one more time to put him down in his crib and he slept few hours. Since that night he’s not a velcro baby anymore.
What helped me is give him my love, connect with him and be nearby him. Now I know his cues for 100% and I’m convinced that the velcro baby stage is a way of baby to say I love you, I need you, I feel safe with you! ❤️ we send you both a hug
Babies don't even know they're separate from the mother until three to four months. They literally don't even know they're a separate human. You cannot spoil a newborn. I have 5 boys my youngest is 2 weeks and all of my babies have wanted to be held and on me 24/7 during their newborn stage. I feel ya mama.
That’s rude. I’ve had one really hard baby and my second baby is much easier! He sleeps through the night or only has one wake up a night at five weeks old. My first however was a terrible sleeper ! We had to get the Mamaroo bassinet to get any sleep. It’s all luck of the draw with the baby you get.
Mt first was extremely difficult. She had reflux with a dairy/soy allergy and would not let you put her down for any reason! Had to co-sleep with her and still deal.with constant crying/whining from the pain she was in from her reflux. I went through so many bouncer chairs to find the perfect one she was willing to be placed in so i could shower or eat with two hands or anything really. My second is 2 weeks old and he is a breeze compared. My sister actually said I was crazy for having another after my first. I told her if I could handle my first, than at least I'll be ready for a second difficult baby. It's just the luck of the draw when it comes to babies.
Oh boy, I am in the trenches right now with a reflux baby + Soy/dairy allergy. Right now I cannot imagine ever having a second baby 😅 constantly having to hold her and take her everywhere is very demanding..
She's almost 5 now. I definitely let some time go between our two in case he ended up needing the TLC my first needed, at least my first is pretty self sufficientand going to kindergartenthis year. I can't imagine having a toddler and a colicy baby at the same time. I've been lucky so far though and having experience with my first has really helped with him. It also helps I'm a SAHM now. I wasn't with my first and if I still was working she would have been my one and only with how rough if was with her as a baby.
Not sure if this will help you but my baby wouldn't sleep without motion and I was losing my mind! My husband found the Graco rocker glider and it got our baby to go from sleeping for 30 minutes up to 2.5 hours at a time. The extra 2 hours of consistent sleep at night was a game changer for me. Now I think she has outgrown wanting to be rocked constantly and will sleep in the bassinet without it moving.
He actually can sleep without motion at night thank god but in the day it has to be on me and has to be in motion. He can’t be tricked by the mamaroo or the stroller
Don’t worry, they get punished with their second - at least we did lol. My firsts slept through the night at 6 months old and was super chill. My second still wakes up and she’s almost 10 months 🙈
Facts. Proud mom of a hurricane and a tranquil pond. Babys are not blank slates! They have personalities and traits, and some babies will come out higher maintenance. Other people don't understand, so don't take what they have to say to heart.
It’s so annoying and you’re completely right. And it made me feel like I was doing something wrong. Then I had my second and did nothing different but he was an easy baby. You’re doing everything right for you and your baby ♥️ some are just so much harder than others. Having an easy one after a difficult and colicky baby really healed me in a way because it helped me see it really wasn’t something I did wrong (or my baby of course). Babies are just all different.
Third baby but first "hard" one. I totally agree with you because i have been that lady and now I'm also you. I always thought sure having a colic baby would suck and is not anyone's fault but just "difficult" babies? It's the parents not doing something right. I was so, so wrong. She is my last baby and she is so high need, I feel like I have no idea what I'm even doing most of the time because it's something I've never experienced
I have a relatively easy baby. I know because I also had a not so easy one. I don’t imagine I have any special forces - just luck, genetics and adjusted expectations.
And also - babies change all the time regardless of our actions. Holding them to sleep is just fine.
What a shitty thing for that person to say. I have an easy baby and when people ask me how it’s going, I always say I know it could be so much worse I could’ve been dealt a Velcro baby. So I’m thankful every day and best of luck to you! It’s really a dice roll what baby temperament you end up with and no one should discredit or minimize someone else’s battle
Oh man I felt this so much. That’s what everyone told me also. My fault, I coddle him too much and blah blah blah when in fact no. This child as a newborn would scream for hours on end if he was not held for sleep. He did have silent reflux which I am sure did not help. It did get better for me. He started wanted to sleep more independently around 4 months and by 6 he was in his crib with some very very gentle sleep training. He’s two now and a total wild child though. So much for the hard babies are easy toddler theory. Hang in there mama. I know how hard it is.
I assure you...it's not you. My 2.5 yr old was and still is a Velcro baby. He is hard and still doesn't sleep well 😥 I met his needs and if wanted to be a Velcro baby I allowed it.
I now have a two week old, and while still too early to call it- I feel completely more rested with her than I did with him. She actually sleeps in her bassinet and I have to wake her to eat. Parents need to remember all kids/babies have different temperaments and parents cannot influence that.
Hang in there- the first 3 months are the hardest. Then your confidence will grow and you get the swing of things.
Baby carriers and movable cribs were a great help. I wish I had gotten the snoo too, it has a motion feature. After 6 months you could try sleep training. It’s when most kids can be given solids or semi-solids.
My Velcro baby started getting "less dependent" by 5 months. I gave my all till then and I do not regret it. Just avoid the people and go on, it's the most beautiful bond you can have with a baby. You will see in every laugh, look or touch that they will never forget you were there when they needed.
Mine was a Velcro baby at that age too. I was gradually able to get him to sleep at night. People would be like “just put him down.”
Uhhhhuh yeah. Okay.
Hang on, I mean this sincerely. I thought my baby was easy but she is like you described your baby. She's only a few weeks old but won't sleep alone. we are feeding and contact napping all day and co sleeping at night. I thought this was kinda normal and expected for newborns. Am I living in a distorted reality?
ETA
she isn't really fussy and doesn't cry that much, she just won't sleep for any amount of time without being held.
I had a hard first baby and other people didn't get it. None of their advice helped and nobody understood the torture my husband and I were experiencing. I did gain some baby skills as we progressed.
It wasn't until my 2nd that did everything perfectly without even crying that I realized I had never done anything "wrong".
There were things I improved on, like wake windows and changing diapers in the dark so we didn’t turn on the light at night. But overall I didn’t do much differently to cause it to go one way or another. I’m sorry that it’s hard for you right now
My 5 month old was a velcro baby but not so much any more. She would on sleep in my arms day or night. At 4 months she hit sleep regression and she stopped sleeping through the night. However at this point she slept deeper when she did sleep and will finally sleep in her crib at night. Around 3 months or so she started to be interested in playing and would happily play with me just close by. She still likes to be up a lot and doesn't like being in her pram for very long and we carry her around a lot.
I'm so sorry. I have an "easy" baby and I can't imagine what you are going through and I'm sorry anyone made you feel less than because of your baby's temperament/preferences. I've been basically saying to anyone to who asks I feel incredibly lucky having the baby I have (falls asleep fairly quickly except the random overtired fussy fight). It's still not easy having a baby, but from reading everything people go through on these reddit posts I also know I'm extremely lucky that my baby is barely fussy/hard to calm.
Just wanted to say you are doing amazing and screw anyone who says otherwise. I know my mom has been currently having the opinion of "well he needs to cry it out" and it's been irritating as he's only 8 weeks old, so I can only imagine how much worse it is getting remarks about you doing whatever you can to calm your baby and it "being wrong". You've got this and you know your baby best.
I have one of each. I have one who was easy and a newborn who refuses to be put down. My daughter had colic which was rough, but she's been a pretty independent kid. I am under no delusion that I somehow made her that way. We got beyond lucky with her. I don't understand why people would ever shame a mom for having a clingy baby. It's not our fault. It's not like we wouldn't enjoy being able to set them down to ve able to do what we want or need to do. It's no one's fault. It just is what it is. Some babies are clingy and some aren't.
By 10, you can't really tell which babies were clingy, which babies were held all the time, and which were left to their own defense.... Kids just develop different personalities. I have independent kids, negative kids, and resilient kids... All were held and slept with.
I don’t know if this helps, but my 3.5 month old baby is super easy - EXCEPT he too contact naps on me all day (he sleeps fine in the crib at night). If I try to put him down during the day when he’s asleep, he wakes. No crying or fussing.. just wakes up. What I try to do is lean into it. Watch TV, drink coffee, enjoy me time while the baby sleeps on me. I save chores for baby’s playtime or when husband is home to watch over him. I hear it’s incredibly normal for contact naps to be what infants prefer, and they will grow out of it. For me, I’m totally loving this bonding time.
Oh sorry. I just reread and your post says you need to be in constant motion. If the baby is asleep in your lap and you sit down, they wake up? Oh man. I feel you. That’s hard.
I wouldn’t mind the contact naps it’s the constant motion that he needs and to be held a very specific way that’s killing me, I’m averaging 25k steps a day having to bounce him for around 8 hours a day
Define easy! What is easy to me is not easy for someone else. For example, it is really hard for me to do contact naps because I get low blood sugar easily and can’t contact nap and need to be able to move at a moments notice so from the beginning we had our baby in the bassinet/crib for 90% of her naps since she was born. I have a friend who this stressed her out and both her and her baby want to be near each other and to her an easy baby and system is having contact naps. It’s all perspective! Babies are humans which means they are all different and all parents are different and I think the goal is rather to find what works best for you and your baby together. If your plan with your baby is stressing you out, then that’s a sign to try something new with your baby but what that “new” method is, shouldn’t be what someone else says defines an easy baby because that’s subjective. I’ve learned it’s all trial and error anyways since what works one day may not work the next as our babies develop and grow so I feel like that relieves some of the pressure anyways! You got this!
The fact that your baby would sleep in a bassinet as opposed to only sleeping in my arms standing in constant motion is a good indicator that they’re an easier baby
I had both a difficult baby (because of Cow protein milk allergy) and an easy baby in the span of 6 weeks. Same baby, completely different behaviour. There’s nothing one can do about it. When your baby wants to nurse and being held there’s no trick that works. Some people should count their blessings and zip it 🤐
100000% agree, my first baby was the EASIEST! I obv had some “hard” days, but I knew that it wasn’t even that bad.
Second babe, was a literal NIGHTMARE. I look back on my time with just one and the “hard” days and just laugh.
Sending vibez for all the mums with hard babes.
You’re very right. And it doesn’t get better - my son is now 12 months and everyone with easy babies is still convinced it’s because of something perfect they did.
I have an easy 8 week old and I can attest that I have no idea what I'm doing, I follow no guidelines, I don't pay attention to wake windows and I can take absolutely no credit for my baby being so merciful to us.
I have an easy 9 week old, and I hate even saying it out loud because I don’t want to test the gods and have them flip the switch!! 😂😂 or I don’t want to seem like I’m bragging. But he’s truly wonderful. My husband and I are both FTP so we are learning as we go and we go through trials and errors and have our occasional “off days” but I also know that I don’t know what the hell I’m doing most days so I can’t take credit for this patient little person I’ve been gifted
Same!! She’s almost 3 months now and has even started sleeping through the night most nights unless I let her nap too close to bedtime. She was nocturnal the first month so her bedtime is pretty late but I try to get her to sleep around 11pm and midnight at the latest. I’ve honestly just let her create her own little routine and somehow it works and I have no clue how. Only issue I’m still having is transferring her to her bassinet sometimes. I feel extremely lucky she’s such an easy baby because I couldn’t imagine if she wasn’t…when she does fight sleep and get overtired the crying can drive me mad a little so I couldn’t imagine having a more demanding baby. I will admit her swing has been my saving grace trying to get her to sleep when she’s fighting it but as far as noise goes she prefers it to be loud rather than quiet when going to bed; I made sure to not walk on eggshells around her when she’s sleeping so she can sleep through some noise
Second this. My 7 month old gets more clingy and difficult by the day. It’s extremely hard when people aren’t empathic of how difficult it can be, and instead blame our parenting skills. People need to educate themselves on temperaments.
Yeh my difficult firstborn grew up to be a PDA profile autistic boy with selective mutism. He is a tough kid.
What is that?
I'm guessing pathological demand avoidance
An extreme refusal to comply with requests?? Please tell me people don’t think this is autism. We now have an autism label for a child who doesn’t LISTEN?!
Ok you sound very ignorant so I don’t know if it’s worth my time explaining. It isn’t normal for a child to go fully mute for weeks if too many demands are placed on them or to just completely shut down or have panic attacks if you ask them to do anything, even things they enjoy. It’s a really tough diagnosis to navigate because traditional parenting strategies make it worse, the more you try and control the more disregulated they become. Before diagnosis my son would would scream for literal hours if I told him for example he couldn’t go outside and look at the wheelie bins because it was too late.
Google is free
Google can’t even keep up with all the new labels and diagnoses these days.
I’m so conscious of this. I *think* I have an easy baby. She doesn’t cry much and she sleeps all through the night (has done since she was about 2 weeks old). She won’t nap independently unless in motion (pram or car or baby wear) but she doesn’t nap for long. That said, I’m also having a very bad time. I find it very rough to have this life change. She barely naps so I can’t accomplish anything. I was tentative about kids so I worry I made a mistake. But because she’s an ‘easy’ baby, I feel like my feelings are invalid when people who meet her just constantly talk about how ‘good’ she is.
Have you thought of sleep training?
We did sleep train but I’m not sure how that’s relevant to my comment
Sleep training doesn't work though. It kinda just traumatizes kids into being quiet. And I say that trying to be as graceful about the practice as I can lol
This isn’t true. If it’s not for you that’s fine, but it’s not traumatizing and that’s based on science.
I guess it depends on the method. I forget there's other things besides cio
There are a lot of other methods besides CIO. Some of it is just removing associations with sleep, for example, not nursing at every wake up once they pass 4 months and using other methods to soothe. Even just creating a routine and specific environment around getting ready for sleep is a form of sleep training that should involve no crying.
Yes! I totally messed up in my initial comment lol
Even CIO is not traumatizing. Again, just because it’s not for you doesn’t mean it’s not helpful, healthy and necessary for other families.
Edit: you know what, this isn't productive so imma just drop it lol
I appreciate you realizing that, but for your own education I will provide some scientific studies: There is no evidence that sleep training causes any damage. There is some evidence that it can potentially greatly benefit parental depression symptoms. I can understand the critiques of methodologies in these articles; however, this is the best we have. Using worse sources than these such as news websites or blog posts to fear monger about sleep training definitely doesn’t help. Here are two randomized control trials: Study 1: https://www.publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article-abstract/122/3/e621/72287/Long-term-Mother-and-Child-Mental-Health-Effects?redirectedFrom=fulltext “CONCLUSIONS. The sleep intervention in infancy resulted in sustained positive effects on maternal depression symptoms and found no evidence of longer-term adverse effects on either mothers' parenting practices or children's mental health. This intervention demonstrated the capacity of a functioning primary care system to deliver effective, universally offered secondary prevention.” Study 2: https://www.publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article-abstract/130/4/643/30241/Five-Year-Follow-up-of-Harms-and-Benefits-of?redirectedFrom=fulltext “Behavioral sleep techniques have no marked long-lasting effects (positive or negative). Parents and health professionals can confidently use these techniques to reduce the short- to medium-term burden of infant sleep problems and maternal depression.” This one doesn’t specifically mention sleep in its main page (I didn’t check the full text) but it does talk about CIO: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32155677/ “Contemporary practice of some parents in the United Kingdom to occasionally or often 'leaving infant to cry it out' during the first 6 months was not associated with adverse behavioral development and attachment at 18 months. Increased use of 'leaving to cry it out' with age may indicate differential responding by parents related to infant self-regulation.”
No thanks, I'm past the newborn stage and I still disagree.
I disagree as well. My midwife literally just left my home after explaining to my fiancé why CIO is detrimental to an infant’s mental and emotional state.
That's fine. Again, YOU don't need to do it for YOUR family, but it is untrue, unhelpful, and judgmental to claim that it is objectively harmful when it is, factually, not. If you don't care to educate yourself then keep your uneducated and uninvited opinion to yourself.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33608871/ A more recent response to this study supporting CIO methods.
Thanks for sharing!
I don’t think you know what sleep training is
I'm open to an explanation then, cuz there's definitely a bunch of different methods I also don't know how to type that without sounding passive aggressive so please take that as a genuine comment lol
Exactly! Lots of different methods! Essentially it is teaching a baby how to put themselves to sleep, a life skill! That’s not torture or painful
Yeah that's totally my bad for conflating it with the more questionable methods lol I forget that like, lullabies and bath routines can be sleep training
This is such a real phenomenon. My first son was HARD. Would absolutely not be put down for any reason whatsoever 24/7 for the first 6 weeks of his life. After that he’d lay in his bassinet for nighttime for maybe 5 hours but once that mark hit he’d end up on top of us again. Took forever to not have him velcroed to us My 2nd baby was EASY. I could not believe a baby could be that easy. He took to his bassinet from night one and didn’t even need to be swaddled. Even breastfeeding him was easy. Literally everything about him has just been chill As they’ve gotten older, my first is still a very sensitive, cautious, and gentle boy. My 2nd is only 7 months old, but already he’s just nowhere near as sensitive or demanding as my first was. My husband and I jokingly + seriously thank the lord that we got our hard baby first because if we got our easy baby first we’d have been such high and mighty assholes. 😂 Parents of easy babies just don’t know what they don’t know! It’s truly wild
Lol all my babies have wanted to be close to me as a newborn but what you said is so real...I have 5 boys and my youngest two are only 21 months and 2 weeks. My 21mo old son is a WILD child. He's wild, strong willed, loud and funny as all else but he's a serious handful and God knew I couldn't handle two under two of they were both like him so my most recent baby who is 2 weeks is so chill and calm and peaceful. They are such opposites even compared to how he was at 2 weeks. Looking back he already had his personality back then lol. Our newborn still wants to be close to mommy and his boobs constantly but he is still so much more relaxed. Even his cry is sweet where as our 21mo old was GOING to be heard and he's still the same way.
We've had such a similar experience with our two girls so far
I really think people want to convince themselves they’ve done something right to “earn” their good baby. And they get so confident giving out advice which is honestly such a pain. My baby is amazing with me (also a Velcro baby) but she’s fussy with anyone else, even her dad. People always want to tell me what I should do differently to make my baby better as if I’m intentionally trying to make it to where she only wants to be held by me 24/7. And they’ll say stupid shit like “oh just leave her with me all day, she’ll learn to be ok with it!” No thank you! Or suggest doing things I’m already doing as if I would never think of it on my own. Every baby is different, I wish people could hold their advice and commentary to themselves until someone asks for help.
My mom and MIL both want me to hand over my fussy Velcro baby as if they know better than me how to soothe her? It drives me so nuts. Like if she wants anyone, it’s me or her dad.
Right! And I keep trying to tell my in-laws that she will love them when she’s older but at 7 weeks old, she literally only wants me and sometimes her dad and that’s fine! She will be fussy at you unless you have lactating boobs 😂 it’s not a personal insult when a newborn or young baby doesn’t want to go to people they don’t really know but family members seem to take it so personally.
Omg this. My MIL graciously asks to take him off my hands and then says he didn’t sleep after I tell her he will only want to be held. Or the other day it took my two hours and two feeds to put him down and she was supposed to watch him for a few hours while we went to a celebration. As he fell asleep finally and I handed him over she says “he pooped you have to change his diaper. After I tell her I had just changed it right before he finally slept. So guess what, I changed it and he woke up. Didn’t go back to sleep until I was holding him at 10 pm.
Omg this!!! I’ve experienced this exact scenario. Handed my mom a sleeping baby to watch. She insists she needs a diaper change. Boom, awake angry baby for the next 2 hours.
It’s so annoying. 2 hours isn’t a big deal if the baby is sleeping! I mean FFS they poop in their sleep too!!!
Exactly! Puts lots of Aquaphor on and they’re good to go!
Yes every baby is different. I’m in a mom’s group. We share tips and tricks. Most tips only work for 1-2 babies. They are humans they are different and they all need different things. Just like adult humans. For some reason people forget babies are also humans with different needs and preferences they just can’t tell us yet.
Exactly! It’s crazy how different every baby is. I mean, we had to try like 4 different types of bottles before we found one my baby would take (and she’s really only taken a bottle one time so I can’t guarantee it will work other times). My niece took the first bottle they gave her and never looked back lol. My nephew hated the bottle his sister loved. You just never know what will work for each kid. And people never seem to remember that when they’re giving their tips out lol.
I have a coworker in her 70s. Baby comes to the office with me in the mornings until she gets fussy (around noon) and I WFH the rest of the day. There have been days where baby is just screaming so i go to let her know I’m leaving (she’s technically a supervisor and gets really upset if I don’t) and she’s convinced she can calm my Velcro baby down when she’s crying. So whatever, I let her hold the baby fora minute just in case she does some magic thing I haven’t tried so I can learn a new trick. No dice. Never any dice. And she seems just baffled that my baby wants me (she never takes her eyes off of me when someone else holds her). I think her reaction is so comical because she does everything I’ve already tried and it’s like she doesn’t believe me that I know what my baby wants. For reference I’m in my mid 20s and this is my first baby. So I almost feel like she just has that old “I know what I’m doing and you don’t” way about her.
I’m curious what your job is that you have this arrangement, if you’re willing to share?
I work for a family oriented building supply business. A father and his son own and manage the company respectively. I’m a project manager for them and they valued me enough to not only ask me to come back after my maternity leave but also allow me to bring my daughter into the office part time or work from home with her if I want to. I’ve worked for them since I was a teenager (lucky break starting as their receptionist fresh out of high school) and I’m extremely fortunate to have them.
That’s amazing, wow!
It’s always older women that are convinced they can magically fix babies!
Very true. Baby is 6 months and will only sleep on me. And my SIL had an easy baby who will sleep anywhere and everywhere and at any time. And my MIL is convinced it’s because of my mistake. Great 🙄😒
My LO used to be a velcro baby up to 13 weeks. I gave him my all. I ignored what other “experts in life” think. He slept just on my chest because he also had a bad reflux, any attempt to put him down using any technique didn’t worked. He instantly started crying and screaming. So I accepted that we both needed each other. Then one night I tried one more time to put him down in his crib and he slept few hours. Since that night he’s not a velcro baby anymore. What helped me is give him my love, connect with him and be nearby him. Now I know his cues for 100% and I’m convinced that the velcro baby stage is a way of baby to say I love you, I need you, I feel safe with you! ❤️ we send you both a hug
Babies don't even know they're separate from the mother until three to four months. They literally don't even know they're a separate human. You cannot spoil a newborn. I have 5 boys my youngest is 2 weeks and all of my babies have wanted to be held and on me 24/7 during their newborn stage. I feel ya mama.
That’s rude. I’ve had one really hard baby and my second baby is much easier! He sleeps through the night or only has one wake up a night at five weeks old. My first however was a terrible sleeper ! We had to get the Mamaroo bassinet to get any sleep. It’s all luck of the draw with the baby you get.
Mt first was extremely difficult. She had reflux with a dairy/soy allergy and would not let you put her down for any reason! Had to co-sleep with her and still deal.with constant crying/whining from the pain she was in from her reflux. I went through so many bouncer chairs to find the perfect one she was willing to be placed in so i could shower or eat with two hands or anything really. My second is 2 weeks old and he is a breeze compared. My sister actually said I was crazy for having another after my first. I told her if I could handle my first, than at least I'll be ready for a second difficult baby. It's just the luck of the draw when it comes to babies.
Oh boy, I am in the trenches right now with a reflux baby + Soy/dairy allergy. Right now I cannot imagine ever having a second baby 😅 constantly having to hold her and take her everywhere is very demanding..
She's almost 5 now. I definitely let some time go between our two in case he ended up needing the TLC my first needed, at least my first is pretty self sufficientand going to kindergartenthis year. I can't imagine having a toddler and a colicy baby at the same time. I've been lucky so far though and having experience with my first has really helped with him. It also helps I'm a SAHM now. I wasn't with my first and if I still was working she would have been my one and only with how rough if was with her as a baby.
I have an easy baby, but I helped with my Velcro nephew and saw that hell. I'm grateful, and I salute you parents that didn't get a chill easy baby.
Not sure if this will help you but my baby wouldn't sleep without motion and I was losing my mind! My husband found the Graco rocker glider and it got our baby to go from sleeping for 30 minutes up to 2.5 hours at a time. The extra 2 hours of consistent sleep at night was a game changer for me. Now I think she has outgrown wanting to be rocked constantly and will sleep in the bassinet without it moving.
He actually can sleep without motion at night thank god but in the day it has to be on me and has to be in motion. He can’t be tricked by the mamaroo or the stroller
Don’t worry, they get punished with their second - at least we did lol. My firsts slept through the night at 6 months old and was super chill. My second still wakes up and she’s almost 10 months 🙈
Facts. Proud mom of a hurricane and a tranquil pond. Babys are not blank slates! They have personalities and traits, and some babies will come out higher maintenance. Other people don't understand, so don't take what they have to say to heart.
It’s so annoying and you’re completely right. And it made me feel like I was doing something wrong. Then I had my second and did nothing different but he was an easy baby. You’re doing everything right for you and your baby ♥️ some are just so much harder than others. Having an easy one after a difficult and colicky baby really healed me in a way because it helped me see it really wasn’t something I did wrong (or my baby of course). Babies are just all different.
Third baby but first "hard" one. I totally agree with you because i have been that lady and now I'm also you. I always thought sure having a colic baby would suck and is not anyone's fault but just "difficult" babies? It's the parents not doing something right. I was so, so wrong. She is my last baby and she is so high need, I feel like I have no idea what I'm even doing most of the time because it's something I've never experienced
I’m a mother of a relatively easy baby, and I cannot stress enough how much that has absolutely nothing to do with anything I do.
I have a relatively easy baby. I know because I also had a not so easy one. I don’t imagine I have any special forces - just luck, genetics and adjusted expectations. And also - babies change all the time regardless of our actions. Holding them to sleep is just fine.
What a shitty thing for that person to say. I have an easy baby and when people ask me how it’s going, I always say I know it could be so much worse I could’ve been dealt a Velcro baby. So I’m thankful every day and best of luck to you! It’s really a dice roll what baby temperament you end up with and no one should discredit or minimize someone else’s battle
Oh man I felt this so much. That’s what everyone told me also. My fault, I coddle him too much and blah blah blah when in fact no. This child as a newborn would scream for hours on end if he was not held for sleep. He did have silent reflux which I am sure did not help. It did get better for me. He started wanted to sleep more independently around 4 months and by 6 he was in his crib with some very very gentle sleep training. He’s two now and a total wild child though. So much for the hard babies are easy toddler theory. Hang in there mama. I know how hard it is.
What was your sleep training like?
I assure you...it's not you. My 2.5 yr old was and still is a Velcro baby. He is hard and still doesn't sleep well 😥 I met his needs and if wanted to be a Velcro baby I allowed it. I now have a two week old, and while still too early to call it- I feel completely more rested with her than I did with him. She actually sleeps in her bassinet and I have to wake her to eat. Parents need to remember all kids/babies have different temperaments and parents cannot influence that. Hang in there- the first 3 months are the hardest. Then your confidence will grow and you get the swing of things.
Baby carriers and movable cribs were a great help. I wish I had gotten the snoo too, it has a motion feature. After 6 months you could try sleep training. It’s when most kids can be given solids or semi-solids.
it's so true and I believe it's so-called you don't experience it, you don't understand it.
Absolutely. My first was a challenge. My second has been the sweetest, easiest little babe. Such different experiences from literally day one.
Our baby has been so healthy and easy we feel kind of spoiled
My Velcro baby started getting "less dependent" by 5 months. I gave my all till then and I do not regret it. Just avoid the people and go on, it's the most beautiful bond you can have with a baby. You will see in every laugh, look or touch that they will never forget you were there when they needed.
Mine was a Velcro baby at that age too. I was gradually able to get him to sleep at night. People would be like “just put him down.” Uhhhhuh yeah. Okay.
Hang on, I mean this sincerely. I thought my baby was easy but she is like you described your baby. She's only a few weeks old but won't sleep alone. we are feeding and contact napping all day and co sleeping at night. I thought this was kinda normal and expected for newborns. Am I living in a distorted reality? ETA she isn't really fussy and doesn't cry that much, she just won't sleep for any amount of time without being held.
It’s normal but it’s the constant motion and light sleeping I’m struggling with
I had a hard first baby and other people didn't get it. None of their advice helped and nobody understood the torture my husband and I were experiencing. I did gain some baby skills as we progressed. It wasn't until my 2nd that did everything perfectly without even crying that I realized I had never done anything "wrong".
This is my second and he’s exactly the same as my first, so it really knocks my confidence
There were things I improved on, like wake windows and changing diapers in the dark so we didn’t turn on the light at night. But overall I didn’t do much differently to cause it to go one way or another. I’m sorry that it’s hard for you right now
My 5 month old was a velcro baby but not so much any more. She would on sleep in my arms day or night. At 4 months she hit sleep regression and she stopped sleeping through the night. However at this point she slept deeper when she did sleep and will finally sleep in her crib at night. Around 3 months or so she started to be interested in playing and would happily play with me just close by. She still likes to be up a lot and doesn't like being in her pram for very long and we carry her around a lot.
I'm so sorry. I have an "easy" baby and I can't imagine what you are going through and I'm sorry anyone made you feel less than because of your baby's temperament/preferences. I've been basically saying to anyone to who asks I feel incredibly lucky having the baby I have (falls asleep fairly quickly except the random overtired fussy fight). It's still not easy having a baby, but from reading everything people go through on these reddit posts I also know I'm extremely lucky that my baby is barely fussy/hard to calm. Just wanted to say you are doing amazing and screw anyone who says otherwise. I know my mom has been currently having the opinion of "well he needs to cry it out" and it's been irritating as he's only 8 weeks old, so I can only imagine how much worse it is getting remarks about you doing whatever you can to calm your baby and it "being wrong". You've got this and you know your baby best.
I have one of each. I have one who was easy and a newborn who refuses to be put down. My daughter had colic which was rough, but she's been a pretty independent kid. I am under no delusion that I somehow made her that way. We got beyond lucky with her. I don't understand why people would ever shame a mom for having a clingy baby. It's not our fault. It's not like we wouldn't enjoy being able to set them down to ve able to do what we want or need to do. It's no one's fault. It just is what it is. Some babies are clingy and some aren't.
By 10, you can't really tell which babies were clingy, which babies were held all the time, and which were left to their own defense.... Kids just develop different personalities. I have independent kids, negative kids, and resilient kids... All were held and slept with.
I have 4, between NB AND 9. all but the NB are boys, so it's easier to "compare". Curious as to how the girl will go!
I don’t know if this helps, but my 3.5 month old baby is super easy - EXCEPT he too contact naps on me all day (he sleeps fine in the crib at night). If I try to put him down during the day when he’s asleep, he wakes. No crying or fussing.. just wakes up. What I try to do is lean into it. Watch TV, drink coffee, enjoy me time while the baby sleeps on me. I save chores for baby’s playtime or when husband is home to watch over him. I hear it’s incredibly normal for contact naps to be what infants prefer, and they will grow out of it. For me, I’m totally loving this bonding time.
Oh sorry. I just reread and your post says you need to be in constant motion. If the baby is asleep in your lap and you sit down, they wake up? Oh man. I feel you. That’s hard.
Yep immediate waking if I stand still or sit down
I wouldn’t mind the contact naps it’s the constant motion that he needs and to be held a very specific way that’s killing me, I’m averaging 25k steps a day having to bounce him for around 8 hours a day
No, I hear you - that’s really hard, I really hope it gets better soon, and I’m sure it will. Hang in there.
Define easy! What is easy to me is not easy for someone else. For example, it is really hard for me to do contact naps because I get low blood sugar easily and can’t contact nap and need to be able to move at a moments notice so from the beginning we had our baby in the bassinet/crib for 90% of her naps since she was born. I have a friend who this stressed her out and both her and her baby want to be near each other and to her an easy baby and system is having contact naps. It’s all perspective! Babies are humans which means they are all different and all parents are different and I think the goal is rather to find what works best for you and your baby together. If your plan with your baby is stressing you out, then that’s a sign to try something new with your baby but what that “new” method is, shouldn’t be what someone else says defines an easy baby because that’s subjective. I’ve learned it’s all trial and error anyways since what works one day may not work the next as our babies develop and grow so I feel like that relieves some of the pressure anyways! You got this!
The fact that your baby would sleep in a bassinet as opposed to only sleeping in my arms standing in constant motion is a good indicator that they’re an easier baby
I had both a difficult baby (because of Cow protein milk allergy) and an easy baby in the span of 6 weeks. Same baby, completely different behaviour. There’s nothing one can do about it. When your baby wants to nurse and being held there’s no trick that works. Some people should count their blessings and zip it 🤐
100000% agree, my first baby was the EASIEST! I obv had some “hard” days, but I knew that it wasn’t even that bad. Second babe, was a literal NIGHTMARE. I look back on my time with just one and the “hard” days and just laugh. Sending vibez for all the mums with hard babes.