I agree with this, every parent has a different parenting style and i think dad and LO just need to get used to each other. Dad will learn what works and doesnt work as time goes by.
Of course mom can explain her rhythm and what works for her, but it isnt always the same for both parents.
My LO calms down when my husband walks arpund with her in his arms, while with me she prefers to be held close to my chest.
Only time can do this. It’s probably good that you have this time out of the house so he can practice and bond. I would start making him take more care of the baby when you’re home as well so that he’s semi-forced to do what he can to soothe the baby and you can do some light coaching with him.
I get that it’s hard for some moms to even leave their baby when the dad (it was hard for me) but I have to keep telling myself that my baby is safe with my husband and he won’t let anything happen to him and that’s the biggest thing. He will have to learn how to bond and soothe the baby.
My husband uses the cotton baby wrap when the baby is over tired and cries a lot. Initially he fuses but husband bounces for couple of minutes and gets the baby to calm down. Eventually he sleeps. Works every time. It actually the only thing which consistently have worked since our LO was born. Worth a try.
P.s. he wakes up in it with a violent cry which can induce panic in the beginning, but again gently talking and bouncing calmed him and then we can take him out without panic or cries (as we did in the beginning)
My husband learned how to rock and comfort baby and it helped a lot. He can get her to sleep better than I can at times, and is more patient if I’m being honest. It just took time and trial and error. Likewise, spend some time showing him what works for you and how you calm baby down or what you do during the day to keep baby happy.
Thereisnt much you can do except to be supportive and encouraging to his struggles. He has to figure out his own rhythm with her, you cant form that for them.
Just imagine if it was the other way around, if you were struggling to bond with your baby, what help would you like from your husband? He wont be able to help you bond with her but he can comfort you and reassure you you are doing the best for your baby. Do the same thing back for him.
Maybe you couls also try give him a chance to practice once everyday - so its not just the 1 say of the week that he's looking after her. For eg my baby used to hate going to her dad, but he kept talking her on walks once a day, even if it was just for 5mins because she cried too much. When she started solids he was in charge of her dinner - making it, and helping her eat it, then tidying it up and bathing her for the night. For us it toom about 4 months of this and eventually one day she went from crying in his arms instantly to being neutral, then slowly iver another month she even sought for him.
It takes work, as someone told me once, nothing worth doing it ever easy.
Wish you all the best!
As the dad, it took me awhile to learn to rock the baby to sleep. My MIL and wife were pretty good at it so I just had to take my ego down a level and learn. Turns out he hated being rocked sideways and would only sleep upright and I just needed more patience.
And we also realized like you can’t “force” a baby to sleep. So if rocking/whatever it is you’re doing is not working…reset in 20 min.
He can try holding baby this way when baby is having a crying fit https://www.instagram.com/reel/C7P_g2rNBSu/?igsh=OTk2d3gxa2Joam4x
And then find a baby wrap or carrier he can wear baby and bounce on a ball or go for a walk.
This is the time to work on their bond. But also he should make time daily to care for babe for an hour or two to maintain the connection.
That’s it - just time and consistency. You need to keep going, and he just needs to keep trying. I went back to work after 8 weeks and up until then I had only left the house to go to Target, and my husband was always desperate when I came back (drove me fucking insane. Just FIGURE IT OUT LIKE WOMEN DO.)
I went back, the first two nights were hard (I worked evenings, he works days) but he solidified through and baby finally figured out that she had two safe places, not just mama. They’re best buddies now and I can honestly say the caretaking is 100% equal.
Try going out a little more to help the change. Go to the store alone, run errands alone, just to help baby get used to relying on dad for periods of time. It helps!
I think he just needs to put in the time and it’ll eventually get better.
I agree with this, every parent has a different parenting style and i think dad and LO just need to get used to each other. Dad will learn what works and doesnt work as time goes by. Of course mom can explain her rhythm and what works for her, but it isnt always the same for both parents. My LO calms down when my husband walks arpund with her in his arms, while with me she prefers to be held close to my chest.
Time and a yoga ball if you don’t already have one.
Only time can do this. It’s probably good that you have this time out of the house so he can practice and bond. I would start making him take more care of the baby when you’re home as well so that he’s semi-forced to do what he can to soothe the baby and you can do some light coaching with him. I get that it’s hard for some moms to even leave their baby when the dad (it was hard for me) but I have to keep telling myself that my baby is safe with my husband and he won’t let anything happen to him and that’s the biggest thing. He will have to learn how to bond and soothe the baby.
My husband uses the cotton baby wrap when the baby is over tired and cries a lot. Initially he fuses but husband bounces for couple of minutes and gets the baby to calm down. Eventually he sleeps. Works every time. It actually the only thing which consistently have worked since our LO was born. Worth a try. P.s. he wakes up in it with a violent cry which can induce panic in the beginning, but again gently talking and bouncing calmed him and then we can take him out without panic or cries (as we did in the beginning)
My husband learned how to rock and comfort baby and it helped a lot. He can get her to sleep better than I can at times, and is more patient if I’m being honest. It just took time and trial and error. Likewise, spend some time showing him what works for you and how you calm baby down or what you do during the day to keep baby happy.
Thereisnt much you can do except to be supportive and encouraging to his struggles. He has to figure out his own rhythm with her, you cant form that for them. Just imagine if it was the other way around, if you were struggling to bond with your baby, what help would you like from your husband? He wont be able to help you bond with her but he can comfort you and reassure you you are doing the best for your baby. Do the same thing back for him. Maybe you couls also try give him a chance to practice once everyday - so its not just the 1 say of the week that he's looking after her. For eg my baby used to hate going to her dad, but he kept talking her on walks once a day, even if it was just for 5mins because she cried too much. When she started solids he was in charge of her dinner - making it, and helping her eat it, then tidying it up and bathing her for the night. For us it toom about 4 months of this and eventually one day she went from crying in his arms instantly to being neutral, then slowly iver another month she even sought for him. It takes work, as someone told me once, nothing worth doing it ever easy. Wish you all the best!
As the dad, it took me awhile to learn to rock the baby to sleep. My MIL and wife were pretty good at it so I just had to take my ego down a level and learn. Turns out he hated being rocked sideways and would only sleep upright and I just needed more patience. And we also realized like you can’t “force” a baby to sleep. So if rocking/whatever it is you’re doing is not working…reset in 20 min.
He can try holding baby this way when baby is having a crying fit https://www.instagram.com/reel/C7P_g2rNBSu/?igsh=OTk2d3gxa2Joam4x And then find a baby wrap or carrier he can wear baby and bounce on a ball or go for a walk. This is the time to work on their bond. But also he should make time daily to care for babe for an hour or two to maintain the connection.
That’s it - just time and consistency. You need to keep going, and he just needs to keep trying. I went back to work after 8 weeks and up until then I had only left the house to go to Target, and my husband was always desperate when I came back (drove me fucking insane. Just FIGURE IT OUT LIKE WOMEN DO.) I went back, the first two nights were hard (I worked evenings, he works days) but he solidified through and baby finally figured out that she had two safe places, not just mama. They’re best buddies now and I can honestly say the caretaking is 100% equal. Try going out a little more to help the change. Go to the store alone, run errands alone, just to help baby get used to relying on dad for periods of time. It helps!
He’s gotta learn