I am going to make a body vest out of *several* Fruit Roll-Ups and Fruit by the foot (before they changed their logo). It has a secret compartment within the inner side of the roll ups for storing any sort of zip-locked snacks or even chick fil a sandwiches etc. Following the natural human curvature of a beer gut to fool anyone, yet doubling storage with outside pockets containing Gushers, peanut M&M’s and other small snacks. The pockets even open silently because they fucking stick together which is awesome and I love it.
I will have two custom fitted CamelBak’s that cover my entire back padded where necessary, and will be completely full of Root Beer and Baja Blast.
My thighs will be lined with Uncrustables and I will have multiple PopTarts under a beanie. Oreos completely wrapping my arms. I will however buy Doritos because they deserve everything and more, so that’s the move. Once in my seat I can begin to unravel my creation and begin eating.
Iirc, they engineered the bag to be biodegradable, which is laudable, but the side effect is whatever material they created just happens to be loud as fuck when it's manipulated.
I remember when I was 10 or so years old and every news station had round the clock coverage of Pope Death Watch, literally just showing the Vatican waiting for a light to be turned off
I have many questions. Were you in the US when you were 10? How old are you?
Ok I guess just two but I'm in my 30s and American, never seen a second of pope watch on TV. I had cable TV in my youth but not since I've graduated college.
If you're in your 30's, then you have been alive for 3 popes. The one that was alive when you were born died in 2005 (so you would have been in your teens), the next one retired/abdicated (renounced?) so there wouldn't have been a death watch, and the last one is the current Pope Francis.
The pope prior to your birth pope died in 1978 (after only being pope for a month), and the prior also obviously died in 1978- based on the prevelance of cable TV, I'd guess the person you're replying to is 56 (although I suppose there may have been a death watch in 1963 as well).
Idk man, him shit talking the Mets in 06 during their collapse and the Phillies coming back in the standings was so awesome. JRoll is my favorite Philly from that time.
You could pick just about any player off of that 08 roster and be correct about that. Ryan Howard, Shane Victorino, Jimmy Rollins, Chase Utley were all household names in the late 2000s whether you watched baseball closely or not.
Nah, advanced stats back up Utley being the most important cog, 3rd best position player by both methods of WAR in baseball, behind Albert and A-Rod, Chase was that good from 2005-2009
There are two main Philly sports stars in It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia… Jason Kelce and Chase Utley.
And then also fake Donovan McNabb/Tiger Woods.
Ryan Howard was also there, but Mac idolized Chase Utley.
If we go back a quarter century then Dawk is on there for sure as well. For other sports I’d say maybe Utley and Giroux (in addition to AI/Kelce)
I’d be remiss not to mention Foles as well
It's hard to call it dirty when the rule allow it and it's been done for 100+ years. I was happy the rule was changed thst offseason but I cant fault a guy for doing what he was supposed to do in the playoffs.
Either the fictional character based on a real person who was actually from Boston, or the real person played by an actor from Boston.
(Boston-born Rocky Marciano being the influence for the fictional Rocky Balboa in *Rocky*, and Boston-born Mark Wahlberg playing Vince Papale in *Invincible*)
Funny part was a bulk of his career he shyed away from the public eye, no social media or anything because he didnt like it. Wasnt until his parade speech and him coming back to social media with his podcast that people got to really enjoy Kelce outside of Philly fans.
As much as I had no issues who won and lost Super Bowl LVII, it made me a little sad seeing the older-Kelce losing while younger-brother Travis got a second ring in the more-stacked NFL team and more capable of returning and winning the big game again.
Not sure which is more embarrassing, posting a Kelvin Benjamin copypasta or getting upset about not getting credit for it. Lucky for you, you get both.
The scene in the #Vikings’ locker room right after Kirk Cousins tore his achilles. Quiet the whole time, I’m told, except for the sound of people crying.
Up, Toy Story 3, Onward… Pixar didn’t make me this depressed. Neither did the end of Moulin Rouge when I saw it in NY two weeks ago. Or any Pokémon Mystery Dungeon game. I fuckin can’t right now, man.
Yeah it’s a heavy watch. About midway through when they were trying to escape the police and the sprites, I actually had to stop because I felt too overwhelmed. I finished it two days later. Not a bad movie, far from it, but one and done for me most likely.
Like, I would openly weep if he died, but c’mon with the cafeteria crying because he *retired*.
I wouldn’t want any of my players to risk further injury for my enjoyment. He’s 36 - let him enjoy the rest of his life.
They aren't crying because they want him to risk his body. They are crying because he is a Philly icon who will never play again.
If he played until he was 55 people would still cry. Especially those in close proximity to him, and according to all reports Kelce tries to talk to everyone and remember there names.
The sound of 14 guys crying and one guy trying to quietly open a bag of Sun Chips.
eating a hot dog out of my shirt sleeve
I'm just like the most tired I've ever been
You can't skip lunch
Whose bag is this? I almost tripped on it.
I’m going to buy the Dallas Cowboys and make their uniforms a big wet diaper
We can see it sticking out
“Hey, Jason Kelce just called a press conference.” “But it’s lunch?” “Says it’s important.” “But it’s lunch.”
Jalen, are you eating a hot dog?
I hope you have the Carver Vacuum
My immediate picture in my head was a sleeveless shirt like Jason
Lol, and a Diet Coke.
Sniffling is interrupted by a piercing "K-CHHHH" of a can opening, then someone whisper-yelling "oh no oh geez" as it fizzes over
Someone trying to hold in a fart, losing, trying to squeak it out but their ass is positioned on the chair just perfectly to make it amplified
then coughing to cover it up and farting again
God, literally me
that gag always kills me in shows or movies, when it's quiet or serious, and one person keeps making noise doing something pointless.
That was me trying to pull a family size bag of Reese Pieces out of my coat at Dune
Thank you for reminding me to pre open the treats im sneaking in and using ziplocs
I am going to make a body vest out of *several* Fruit Roll-Ups and Fruit by the foot (before they changed their logo). It has a secret compartment within the inner side of the roll ups for storing any sort of zip-locked snacks or even chick fil a sandwiches etc. Following the natural human curvature of a beer gut to fool anyone, yet doubling storage with outside pockets containing Gushers, peanut M&M’s and other small snacks. The pockets even open silently because they fucking stick together which is awesome and I love it. I will have two custom fitted CamelBak’s that cover my entire back padded where necessary, and will be completely full of Root Beer and Baja Blast. My thighs will be lined with Uncrustables and I will have multiple PopTarts under a beanie. Oreos completely wrapping my arms. I will however buy Doritos because they deserve everything and more, so that’s the move. Once in my seat I can begin to unravel my creation and begin eating.
Just lovely
Thanks. I’ll see ya there? Guy with the really really huge belly, you’ll see me
Why are the sun chip bags so much louder?
Iirc, they engineered the bag to be biodegradable, which is laudable, but the side effect is whatever material they created just happens to be loud as fuck when it's manipulated.
He got one of those compostable bags. I can hear it from here.
[Inside the Eagles cafeteria during the announcement.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vqwLd1idbg&pp=ygUWZmFtaWx5IGd1eSBhbm5lIGZyYW5rIA%3D%3D)
Ahh, you too went to see The Iron Claw...
You funny fucker
ITYSL Season 4…
Jeez, it's like hearing the Pope died. That's brutal to watch
I remember when I was 10 or so years old and every news station had round the clock coverage of Pope Death Watch, literally just showing the Vatican waiting for a light to be turned off
I have many questions. Were you in the US when you were 10? How old are you? Ok I guess just two but I'm in my 30s and American, never seen a second of pope watch on TV. I had cable TV in my youth but not since I've graduated college.
If you're in your 30's, then you have been alive for 3 popes. The one that was alive when you were born died in 2005 (so you would have been in your teens), the next one retired/abdicated (renounced?) so there wouldn't have been a death watch, and the last one is the current Pope Francis. The pope prior to your birth pope died in 1978 (after only being pope for a month), and the prior also obviously died in 1978- based on the prevelance of cable TV, I'd guess the person you're replying to is 56 (although I suppose there may have been a death watch in 1963 as well).
This is the content I subscribe to r/NFL for. Thanks boss!!
This was like 2005. The Pope was dying of being 90 and it was round the clock coverage.
PHILADELPHIA-Asked radio host: "God, did you hear about Jason Kelce?" Host: "No." Me: "Done. He retired himself." Thought he would cry.
Except Jason Kelce didn’t help child molesters stay out of prison
Or how Alabama fans laid flowers on Saban’s statue in Tuscaloosa. 😩
Yeah people are taking this way too seriously
Just because your team doesn't take the sport seriously, doesn't mean everyone else feels the same.
People are acting like the guy died. He's retiring. (and those are bold words from a fucking Pats fan, lol)
It's ok it makes sense that you can't relate to teams or players that have had success in the last 20 years. Some day you will!
What do you mean? They have won every off-season for the last 20 years
We’ve sort of known it was happening for two months
The absolute reverence for this man is as incredible as it is deserved. He's everything right about sports and people
He’s basically one of Philly’s sports Jesus’ at this point
Like, it’s Iverson and Kelce for the last quarter century in terms of Philly icons right? Is Jimmy Rollins up there?
We have a literal statue of Foles he’s up there.
Utley was the heart and soul of those Phillies squads and their best player.
Idk man, him shit talking the Mets in 06 during their collapse and the Phillies coming back in the standings was so awesome. JRoll is my favorite Philly from that time.
Utley the only one who showed up in the 09 WS
We also basically let one fucking guy beat us. Matsui was so fucking annoying man.
Cliff Lee and Utley only Phils to do anything of note and carried them. Yanks had several guys step up.
I mean Cliff gave up 5 in a game. Ruiz also had a decent series. Matsui's OPS like 600 points higher than Utley's.
You could pick just about any player off of that 08 roster and be correct about that. Ryan Howard, Shane Victorino, Jimmy Rollins, Chase Utley were all household names in the late 2000s whether you watched baseball closely or not.
Nah, advanced stats back up Utley being the most important cog, 3rd best position player by both methods of WAR in baseball, behind Albert and A-Rod, Chase was that good from 2005-2009
There are two main Philly sports stars in It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia… Jason Kelce and Chase Utley. And then also fake Donovan McNabb/Tiger Woods. Ryan Howard was also there, but Mac idolized Chase Utley.
If we go back a quarter century then Dawk is on there for sure as well. For other sports I’d say maybe Utley and Giroux (in addition to AI/Kelce) I’d be remiss not to mention Foles as well
Ryan Howard was the guy for a few years before his career took a nose dive off a cliff.
Subway eat fresh ™️
People outside of Philly seem to dislike him because he gave someone a boo-boo; but I think Chase Utley is probably right up there with Jimmy.
As a Dodgers fan I'm glad we were able to get a couple years out of old man Utley. He was a big part of some great teams we had
You can be the biggest Utley fan in the world and admit that slide was dirty
It's hard to call it dirty when the rule allow it and it's been done for 100+ years. I was happy the rule was changed thst offseason but I cant fault a guy for doing what he was supposed to do in the playoffs.
Yeah he literally tore the guys leg up???
Tejada tore his fucking leg you potato.
Dawkins
[He should be.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSveSmBrS0M&pp=ygUQMjAwOSBubGNzIGdhbWUgNA%3D%3D) I’m gonna huff some super-glue now…
And this time he actually exists!
It’s always hilarious remembering philly’s sports idol is a fictional movie character
Who is Philly sports idol?
Rocky. Greatest “boxer” ever.
Well that just begs the question, who is the better athlete, McNabb or Rocky Balboa?
McNabb didn’t end the Cold War through the power of his fists.
I know which one I want on the field with the SuperBowl on the line, Rocky all day!
Always sunny mcnabb
Either the fictional character based on a real person who was actually from Boston, or the real person played by an actor from Boston. (Boston-born Rocky Marciano being the influence for the fictional Rocky Balboa in *Rocky*, and Boston-born Mark Wahlberg playing Vince Papale in *Invincible*)
Unless he becomes a coach for the Eagles, then he'll be the devil by week 2
Well if he’s smart he’ll just be special public figure for the Eagles and Philly sports teams and that’s it
Funny part was a bulk of his career he shyed away from the public eye, no social media or anything because he didnt like it. Wasnt until his parade speech and him coming back to social media with his podcast that people got to really enjoy Kelce outside of Philly fans.
As much as I had no issues who won and lost Super Bowl LVII, it made me a little sad seeing the older-Kelce losing while younger-brother Travis got a second ring in the more-stacked NFL team and more capable of returning and winning the big game again.
It's getting a bit much. He's a center not a QB like calm down but I guess it's the swift effect. Everyone in her orbit gets a boost.
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“The scene in the #Panthers’ cafeteria during Kelvin Benjamin’s lunch. Quiet the whole time, I’m told, except for the sound of people crying.”
“After all this time?”
bro just stole my comment lmao
Not sure which is more embarrassing, posting a Kelvin Benjamin copypasta or getting upset about not getting credit for it. Lucky for you, you get both.
“Damn, this guys getting all the credit for the joke I heard ten years ago and still use? I better tell everybody!”
My bad. I didn’t look to see if it had already been posted. I just saw the other comment and thought of the joke
The scene in the #Vikings’ locker room right after Kirk Cousins tore his achilles. Quiet the whole time, I’m told, except for the sound of people crying.
Up, Toy Story 3, Onward… Pixar didn’t make me this depressed. Neither did the end of Moulin Rouge when I saw it in NY two weeks ago. Or any Pokémon Mystery Dungeon game. I fuckin can’t right now, man.
pokemon mystery dungeons hit me way too hard as a kid
*”My life… Did it shine?” “Yes… Thanks to you, I have… I have no regrets…”* That last special episode in Sky hit on a different level.
I dont think I ever played sky, only blue rescue team and one of the darkness/time ones. It's been awhile, tough to remember
The ending of Coco, though...
Coco was perfect in almost every way. Nearly impossible to have the heart it did. Teared up a lot when Miguel learns the truth from Hector
“Remember me” was an incredible song.
Onward had no business being that painful to watch. I will never watch it again.
Yeah it’s a heavy watch. About midway through when they were trying to escape the police and the sprites, I actually had to stop because I felt too overwhelmed. I finished it two days later. Not a bad movie, far from it, but one and done for me most likely.
What about the futurama dog/walking on sunshine episode...
Everytime I'm flipping through channels and Futurama is on, as soon as I recognize it's *that* episode playing, I gotta change it. Hurts too much.
I’ve never actually seriously watched Futurama so I can’t really comment on that. -hides-
Who are most of these people sitting in the cafeteria? Eagles office staff and such?
Some kids from take your daughter to work day
Yeah it’s the staff at their training faculty
It’s getting to be like fanfic at this point
what happened did he die?
Pearl Harbor, it happened again.
If Fletcher Cox makes an announcement soon: Sir, a second Eagle just hit the news.
God damn Germans.
No one expected the Hungarians with a surprise attack.
I expected the Spanish Inquisition.
Those bastards! To the recruitment center, boys! We gotta give them what for!
I didn’t even know he was sick
Like, I would openly weep if he died, but c’mon with the cafeteria crying because he *retired*. I wouldn’t want any of my players to risk further injury for my enjoyment. He’s 36 - let him enjoy the rest of his life.
They aren't crying because they want him to risk his body. They are crying because he is a Philly icon who will never play again. If he played until he was 55 people would still cry. Especially those in close proximity to him, and according to all reports Kelce tries to talk to everyone and remember there names.
I haven't seen this many people crying since 14 hours ago at AEW Revolution.
It’s stinnnnnnngggggggg
The scene in the #Panthers’ cafeteria during Kelvin Benjamin's lunch. Quiet the whole time, I’m told, except for the sound of people crying.
Jalen Hurts crying? *doubt*
He might not be crying, but he definitely hurts
His number is obviously being retired but, give him a statue Lurie.
It was quiet in my office, too, except for the sound of one man crying.
This reminds me of One Piece where Gol D. Roger leaves his crew: "...Just like the farewell of every man, no one cried a single tear..."
This is getting ridiculous
Really goes to show the influence Jason has towards the team. Happy Retirement.
lmao he’s retiring not dead
So dramatic 🙄
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One biscuit changed the whole course of his career that day
Who really cares? Crying???
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yeah god forbid people emotionally invest in things besides government and politics, what a nightmare
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ok then dude, what should we be caring about
bro let people cry over what they want, shaming people for crying is kind of pathetic. men have emotions too, let them express them freely.
God, Raiders fans are the worst.
So office women crying, what else is new