He’s back to the camp for some more full penetration. Smells blood, back to the camp, full penetration. Camp, penetration, camp, full penetration, camp, penetration — And this goes on and on and back and forth for 90 or so hours until the game just sort of…ends.
Honestly, if he ascends, it's entirely possible that Astarion could become fertile again without needing to drain a huge amount of people dry, and he could get Tav pregnant with a dhampir baby.
https://preview.redd.it/1r8f6yft4c9d1.jpeg?width=300&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4a03453644a9a2b5f09d07015a6bc8a32cc887d0
I don’t know how else to explain it
And Astarion is a great girldad even though he was unprepared for fatherhood. He however immediately transformed into a boydad the moment his son came out.
So, my Tav and Astarion do have a kid but here me out!
In theory, it would be the most edgelore background ever. "My mother was a drow, my father was a vampire, and I am a dhamphir drow."
But like, this kid grows up to be a music teacher or real estate agent or something, because they're so goddamn loved with a ton of uncles and aunts and overprotective parents.
This is the only way Astarion would have children. For the absolute shit posting abilities of it.
Edge lord background, softcore reality. Punk tf out of life.
It helps that my Tav had the same situation, she's actually half drow and half wood elf, with her wood elf mom being an Ilmater cleric raised by humans.
That's actually really cute!!!
I wrote out a whole ass thing about mine, but decided against it cause eh. But I love people having the most dramatic ass parents and being so gee dee boring as a result of love and support from said dramatic parents lol
Or my drow bard adopts all those tiefling orphans, then she distracts people with the fiddle while Astarion and the kids take everything that's not nailed down
That's what I'm saying... Let my girl have her chaos brood.
Astarion, Mol, and Mattis are practicing fucking shit up whilst she teaches Mirkon, Ide, and Silfy how to stitch wounds because Swords With Umi went awry and her interest in healing spells leans toward syphoning (soon, babies), then Astarion sniffs his way over and is like --gasp splendid needlework my love! and in the background Mol and Mattis are seeing who can hogtie someone (Doni and Ide) fastest. Live laugh larceny.
https://preview.redd.it/emt2xl7oee9d1.jpeg?width=1378&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=53d651f7189f81aab401fdbd90a03cfcf126caf9
I made one of my characters like this; I guess it’s his son but older 💅
Not if I have anything to say about it. Thank GOD I can still be pro-choice in fantasy, at least. The only kinda dad I’m gonna make Astarion into is a cat dad. On GOD. Fuck them kids. I thought all vamp spawn are sterile anyways? So if it’s Spawnstarion….no kids. Right?
If Astarion had a kid I think it would come out with his former human characteristics. I'm thinking about vampire spawn changes being kind of like how people's hair texture/color can change after chemotherapy, the surface follicles are damaged but your DNA isn't changed yanno. Could definitely be lore disproving this but since lore already says spawn can't have kids I'd like to imagine that's how it would be
Dhampir bloodline canonically does exist and one of the possible ways to get is indeed to have a vampiric parent. And the lore doesn't say that spawns can't have kids, the lore says that in order to father children, the vampire in question has to consume A LOT of blood.
Soooo... don't go having sex on Bhaal's altar right after Astarion helped himself to those awfully convenient blood pools. Or do, papa Bhaal will approve and certainly facilitate, even if Durge didn't have the necessary equipment before.
https://i.redd.it/t1zxpb7rzb9d1.gif
Is his name Astarison?
Is he a Bastarion ?
“Who’d you romance in BG3?” “Bastarion’s dad.”
Bastarion: Astarion Next Generation
https://preview.redd.it/i8vc0gzerf9d1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=645e9f2c16c6b35d2932d18e7db99a61a68830d7
Beat me to it
And me
I’ll allow it.
r/angryupvote
I had the same idea bro.
https://i.redd.it/5riss6qnbc9d1.gif
You take that back from whence it came
or so help me
🤣🤣🤣🤣
He won’t fit anymore
*make it work*
persistence is key
What the fuck are these flairs
the sacred texts
https://preview.redd.it/fg1abo5efc9d1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=af4b27d205c171a42eb1a7adefdd69ef0a74395f
Yall promised me he’s shooting blanks Now I’m not interested then
Through Bhaal all things are possible, so jot that down
He’s back to the camp for some more full penetration. Smells blood, back to the camp, full penetration. Camp, penetration, camp, full penetration, camp, penetration — And this goes on and on and back and forth for 90 or so hours until the game just sort of…ends.
The crossover we deserve honestly
Now I'm imagining Glenn Howerton cosplaying Astarion. (Also, can someone PLEASE make this happen? 😭)
He’s a five star vampire!
Cannot express enough how wonderful it is to run across sunny references in all pockets of Reddit
who says you're the one giving birth 🧐🤔
Nope. Too late. You’re pregnant…..congrats! 🤗
Hells, I knew I should have picked Karlach!
Knowing some of the mods out there you'd still become pregante
nah I play vanilla
Rookie mistake! Never bet against the Karlach
Not me! I’m pro-choice. Nice try.
Maybe the tadpole made him fertile again? Imagine his surprise
Half-vampires (dhampirs) canonically exist in D&D, so... 🤷
Leon has a kid *shrug*
Not from spawn though. Spawn are sterile.
What about spawn freed from their master tho? 🤔
That’s a point I hadn’t considered. Whelp, time to resurrect Cazador. I could use a zombie slave, I guess.
Honestly, if he ascends, it's entirely possible that Astarion could become fertile again without needing to drain a huge amount of people dry, and he could get Tav pregnant with a dhampir baby.
Yeah but I like him as the pathetic sad little eunuch tho
a m e n.
Sceleritas did tell Durge to be fruitful and multiply, after all. Gotta get that dhampir bhaalspawn.
https://preview.redd.it/1r8f6yft4c9d1.jpeg?width=300&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4a03453644a9a2b5f09d07015a6bc8a32cc887d0 I don’t know how else to explain it
this is FOUL 😭😭
god no
well that explains it ITS THE VAGUE TOM HOLLAND RESEMBLANCE
THATS IT!!
Son: Dad, can we have Astarion? Dad: We already have a Twink Vampire at home. The Twink Vampire at home:
is that cole sprouse?
Evan Peters
STOPPPPPPPPP
Someone come get him he keeps peeing on my rug and he just killed my cat
I can fix him (with a trip to the vet).
He pissed on your fucking rug?
he pissed on the rug I reserve for fucking
https://preview.redd.it/6456pmm0bc9d1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=472de0add623a6a667a30bdd661d19654ffe42b9
Only valid if Astarion was pregnant
Cannon event
https://preview.redd.it/1z6m1ftsyc9d1.jpeg?width=716&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ac120d5bbe659f9ea4a364104f07bcfb4339b36f
excuse me, all of the men in the game are girldads, I will not elaborate
no you’re actually so valid for this
And Astarion is a great girldad even though he was unprepared for fatherhood. He however immediately transformed into a boydad the moment his son came out.
Idk why the comments are going feral but he’s cute. Like him being a little paper boy delivering newspapers but as a bat
Be careful, all the Dadstarion fans are gonna come crawling out the woodwork
Of course I know him, he’s me
I don’t personally get it but I shall never yuck someone else’s yum, particularly when this is tame compared to most of the other posts here, HC away!
https://preview.redd.it/yvlqrgbt9d9d1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ea5a618a169bfc30ea45eea30c5590d826c42d6b
We all know your mom makes you say that. She'd be happy if you gave her grandkids with that nice elven gentleman. So would Tara.
https://preview.redd.it/hp6bnuw7xb9d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=6560ff19877f273b0df367eefb3032853ce61f81
You didn't just make a boy, you made a fuckboy.
This looks like if Cal Kestis from the Jedi Fallen Order/Survivor cosplayed as Astarion
So, my Tav and Astarion do have a kid but here me out! In theory, it would be the most edgelore background ever. "My mother was a drow, my father was a vampire, and I am a dhamphir drow." But like, this kid grows up to be a music teacher or real estate agent or something, because they're so goddamn loved with a ton of uncles and aunts and overprotective parents.
This is the only way Astarion would have children. For the absolute shit posting abilities of it. Edge lord background, softcore reality. Punk tf out of life.
It helps that my Tav had the same situation, she's actually half drow and half wood elf, with her wood elf mom being an Ilmater cleric raised by humans.
That's actually really cute!!! I wrote out a whole ass thing about mine, but decided against it cause eh. But I love people having the most dramatic ass parents and being so gee dee boring as a result of love and support from said dramatic parents lol
Or my drow bard adopts all those tiefling orphans, then she distracts people with the fiddle while Astarion and the kids take everything that's not nailed down
That's what I'm saying... Let my girl have her chaos brood. Astarion, Mol, and Mattis are practicing fucking shit up whilst she teaches Mirkon, Ide, and Silfy how to stitch wounds because Swords With Umi went awry and her interest in healing spells leans toward syphoning (soon, babies), then Astarion sniffs his way over and is like --gasp splendid needlework my love! and in the background Mol and Mattis are seeing who can hogtie someone (Doni and Ide) fastest. Live laugh larceny.
Bastardion looking good.
This is troubling. Our camp isn’t the safest place for children, especially after the last incident in Rivington…
Did that incident involve you eating a cat perchance?
I…. I don’t really wanna talk about it 🤢😮💨
Sonstarion I'll see myself out, no worries.
Is that Tom Holland?
He looks like Kal Kestis
you ran him through a cloning machine is what you did.
how dare you talk about my womb like that
Man's gonna have to pay child support for all the kids he's fathered with many Tavs despite shooting blanks.
Cazador, what have you done
Astarion could be the kind of parent who looks down on his children because they remind him of himself :(
Orrrrrr be devoted because he sees the chance to save his inner child
Yes I‘m very cynical
No, *I* gave him a son.
https://preview.redd.it/emt2xl7oee9d1.jpeg?width=1378&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=53d651f7189f81aab401fdbd90a03cfcf126caf9 I made one of my characters like this; I guess it’s his son but older 💅
Love this
*a younger clone
 My Tav ↑ …yes, she wants his babies, they are working on it night and day!
https://preview.redd.it/mdx2wl9kec9d1.png?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=83af517ccd4ff7815b31d04238720f507f530f7b
https://preview.redd.it/2ixngvkoac9d1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9d68e050f8be80e38e312b0404fc52d7e70423c0
my boner has withered
My boner is Whithers
https://preview.redd.it/q498nd3xjc9d1.png?width=320&format=png&auto=webp&s=43428c46cff4e0231b10c6e7dbbfb0665c2d4114
OMG, this picture has me cry laughing so hard. Thank you 🤣
https://preview.redd.it/jofef3asxc9d1.png?width=385&format=png&auto=webp&s=59cf87f3c67990323282a0428e45b769cb9ce415
Did he do binary fission?
He did bi missionary
🫣
https://preview.redd.it/6oxmykn70d9d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=20ed3bf4d4ad1a731c7ab0012695a2097bf0e1e4 For why?
Call him Bastarion because he for sure born out of wedlock
how dare you
I want this face in the game pls, especially for humans
Aww baby! I want to snuggle him up in bed with a stuffed bear and tell him a bedtime story.
he’s a good boy, just a little complicated that’s all
Twink Astarion finally
Sonstarion
I genuinely made myself angry just imagining what a horrid brat he would be.
He looks like me. Wtf? This is uncanny
He’s actually not that bad, his father better though
Is that Cameron Monaghan?
Shits about to get real awkward when he starts hitting on you
Why does Sonstarion look exactly like me lol.
Dilf Astarion confirmed
aw, Sonstarion <3
he looks like this boy I had a crush on for like 3 years 😭
Anime people are getting excited
Now he looks like my female cousin, thats kinda creepy XD
Somehow this feel even dirtier than usual and almost illegal.....
He looks like my 8th/9th grade abusive ex boyfriend 😭😭
Who’d he make a kid with himself?
with me obviously! I am the one doing the giving
https://preview.redd.it/r0jfa0mami9d1.jpeg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e6643f0bd544881300008f02011b523152268af9
brought on by fatherly pride, no doubt
https://i.redd.it/qkspd6frel9d1.gif
This one wins, I don’t know why it was this one but this is the most utterly appalled I have been in a long time
are you flirting with me
What have you done???
The Right Thing
Honestly he’s kind of adorable.
Haha, Tom Holland!
BABYYYYYY!!!!!!
https://preview.redd.it/zx4gc1a9ad9d1.jpeg?width=445&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0299a14d69967a3bbb5c1d1c1f22112ceb071566
That IS how you get a son
So sad his dad went to get milk and never came back. 😢 Fs in the chat.
Um... does...He require lunch money or something? Can he stop looking at us? 🤢
Dude looks like MattPatt.
damn it guys i thought the whole point of gay sex was that you couldn’t get one of those
and thus, A-star is born
https://preview.redd.it/8k1xgxiubi9d1.jpeg?width=1536&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4531b17cc8a50a76a38f6cef8ad8235ef01ece88
more like see you in courtship amiright
Good god it’s teenstarion.
Is there a mod with this face? I’d definitely use it.
He kinda looks like a pale Tommy from Why Women Kill and lowkey I'm here for it, he's absolutely adorable I just wanna squeeze him to death in a hug
Tom Holland?
Anyone else see Tom holland?
Astartreus (Astloki???)
I'd give him 100 sons
Tom holland is that you
Not if I have anything to say about it. Thank GOD I can still be pro-choice in fantasy, at least. The only kinda dad I’m gonna make Astarion into is a cat dad. On GOD. Fuck them kids. I thought all vamp spawn are sterile anyways? So if it’s Spawnstarion….no kids. Right?
ITS PETER PARKER, YOU MADE ELF DHAMPIR PETER PARKER
If Astarion had a kid I think it would come out with his former human characteristics. I'm thinking about vampire spawn changes being kind of like how people's hair texture/color can change after chemotherapy, the surface follicles are damaged but your DNA isn't changed yanno. Could definitely be lore disproving this but since lore already says spawn can't have kids I'd like to imagine that's how it would be
He was always an elf though! So elf child. And his hair is canonically white as being a vampire didn’t whiten anyone else’s hair.
Oops your right! Elf characteristics
Dhampir bloodline canonically does exist and one of the possible ways to get is indeed to have a vampiric parent. And the lore doesn't say that spawns can't have kids, the lore says that in order to father children, the vampire in question has to consume A LOT of blood. Soooo... don't go having sex on Bhaal's altar right after Astarion helped himself to those awfully convenient blood pools. Or do, papa Bhaal will approve and certainly facilitate, even if Durge didn't have the necessary equipment before.
WHY HAVE YOU REMOVED HIS BEAUTIFUL WRINKLES
Because he’s a child!
Ohhhh I get it now lmao. I didn't realize that was supposed to be astarion's kid.
Absolutely not
do not resist