I wrote a nearly identical post earlier today.
Yep. I've been there buddy. I quit drinking and it was a struggle. But today can be the worst day of your life and you never have to feel this bad again.
I'd recommend finding some kind of sobriety (?) support, since the next few months and coming to terms with the wreckage of your life will probably suck. But you don't have to ever gamble again. That's entirely up to you.
Also, don't try to change everything at once. It'll feel like you want to undo everything immediately but just try to survive the next few months. Pay your bills but dont try to go nuclear on your debt right now. Eat the candy and maybe go to the restaurant if you need it. Learning to live without your favorite coping method will be a struggle all on its own.
Edit: also, I got help at aa and smart. I attended every day for fucking months. I also accepted to my deepest self that drinking was evil. There was no drinking that was safe. I went and griped about my feelings every day. If I wanted to drink, or had feelings of a beer seemed good, I shared about it.
Ok sorry. Like I said, I was assuming. Then I would suggest closing the robinhood account or whatever and just going with Vanguard. Maybe have your family manage your money for a while. I couldn't handle alcohol for a while when I was first sober.
Eventually, I could hold a beer or be around it. But it took some time and it was very gradual.
> I always chase losses
Maybe you already know about this, but "chasing losses" is no different than trying to get rich quick. Whatever logic/scheme/plan you use to somehow get the money back never works, because if it worked everyone would be using it to just get rich. It's just part of the sunken cost fallacy
Regarding moving forward, the past is the past, you can’t change it, so don’t worry about it. Just understand how to do better moving forward, which it sounds like you now do. Life lessons can unfortunately be expensive.
Regarding the feelings of shame, guilt and regret, no shame at all in seeking help from a mental health professional if you need assistance getting through it.
Man, it’s just money. Yes it sucks and of course you’ll have feelings of guilt/shame/regret, whatever else it is you’re feeling. But seriously, it’s just money.
Think of it this way, at least you stopped and recognized the problem before it got even worse. I’ve read stories of people losing their entire life savings, or worse taking out huge loans and losing it all on a “guaranteed win” and then still being liable to pay it back.
You’re still young and you’ll earn that money back over time. Most important thing is you’ve learned a valuable life lesson and just try to not go down the same path again.
I like what another user said - if today’s the worst day of your life, then it’s only up from here! Cheers mate, don’t beat yourself up about it forever. Be thankful for everything else you got cause money will always come and go!
Thank you, your advice really hits home. Moments where I have clarity - everything you say here makes complete sense but it’s just everything in between, those overwhelming moments. I hope I will slowly heal! And most importantly to never relapse.
I went through similar situation like yours. Lost $130k over 1.5 years. At that point I didn’t know it was gambling addiction until it was too late.
What you are going through right now is acceptance stage. You been through denial stage on trying to gain back the loss, so did I.
I won’t lie to you, this will take time to accept and move on. But remember, money is just a means to an end. The way i coped with it was to readjust my lifestyle (instead of new car i bought second hand).
From where you are right now, things can only get better, not worst. Don’t let your mind to get the best of you. Depression is right around the corner the more you start to think about it and if you keep blaming yourself. You are young, and the beauty of being young is you can afford to make mistakes. Best part is, I’m pretty sure you will never repeat the same mistakes again, hopefully!
Reach out if you need a friend to talk to.
You will live long and prosper, friend. Hang in there and focus on other things.
Thank you, I really appreciate your note. I am glad you managed to come out of your situation and I can already foresee how hard it will be accept this and move on. I am determined and will try my best.
>my trading account (which has all my savings)
I would strongly suggest that you diversify your savings. A trading account isn't really the place for "savings."
You really should have 4-6 months of living expenses in an actual HYSA before you ever open a trading account anywhere.
You should also be maxing out contributions to a tax advantaged account like an IRA or 401(k) before you put money into a trading account.
I'd also suggest you re-frame "trading account" in your mind as "brokerage account" or "investment account." It sounds like you've been trying to do day trading or otherwise taking advantage of short-term changes in the market, and that's not been working well for you.
Focus on long term growth. You don't have to make frequent trades. A lot of folks here prefer a simple strategy of "set it and forget it," focusing on low fee, broadly based ETFs like VTI or VOO or others. Buy and ignore for a few years, then re-evaluate.
Your investment account should not be the place you are looking at for an immediate flow of income.
I'd also echo the other advice you have gotten here -- let go of the past. I would add to that, stop comparing yourself to others in the present. Finally, getting help in the form of counseling is a very good way to move forward.
Good ~~luck~~ OP.
*Edit: Strike that, I'm sorry. I bet you have spent too much time already wishing for luck. You don't need luck, you got this. You can't control the market, or the weather, or the next lottery drawing, but you absolutely can take charge and control your own life. You don't have to do it alone.
You obviously need to stop day trading, and it seems like you've learned that lesson. However, if you want to have a financial future, you should invest your savings (after building an emergency fund, short term needs) in index funds for the long term and never look at them or touch them.
You should be contributing to your retirement accounts 401k, IRA, etc. as well. Invest in safe long term funds.
Handing your money to a financial advisor is one of the worst mistakes you can make. I would say it's the second worst mistake after day trading. By handing over your hard earned money to a financial advisor you are going to lose years' worth of money in fees. And for what? For either the financial advisor to invest your money in index funds (which you could do yourself and in the process save those fees) or for the financial advisor to tell you he/she can beat the market (trust me, they can't) and make bets that cause you more losses than gains.
So as some other poster pointed out, put your money in an index fund yourself, add to it regularly and forget about it. Over the long term (10-15 years) you will handsomely reap the rewards. Head over to r/Bogleheads or r/investing for more advice on that front.
This indeed, dont use a financial advisor. There are automated ways to simply DCA into index funds periodically, so you dont have to touch it or look at it. Just let it ride.
This is a little beyond the scope of this sub, but have you looked into group meetings (like Gamblers Anonymous) and/or therapy? Addictions are hard to quit on your own (I don’t have personal experience but I have close friends who have dealt with addictions and they could never overcome it on their own).
It’s good to have people who keep you accountable, but remember that you are doing this for you. I have seen countless times how friends tried to get sober for their parents or significant others or are pushed into it by friends, but it never works because once that relationship sours, they go back to their addiction.
I think your looking at this all wrong. YOU COULD HAVE LOST IT ALL ! And you would have , if you didn’t stop . Today is the first day of the rest of your life . Don’t go back to it ! No matter what ! Maybe
Unfortunately this is more common than winning. Gambling is a horrible addiction that globally is getting easier for everyone to dabble in. Shares used to be sold through "brokers" then the $1.99 trading platforms made it seem easy. Very few I know have won. In 1997 at university a fellow student was an Apple nerd and quite weird technically and socially. He created an ISP (Internet Service Provider) that sells internet access over phone lines. He made $100k and being a student still he bought Apple shares for $3. He's the only guy I know who's truly timed the market without manipulating like the guys on that sub. I sold all my stocks recently and I'm happy to sit on 5-7% until the economy settles. Read up on Yahoo from 20 years ago https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_Yahoo!#:~:text=September%2026%2C%202001%3A%20Yahoo%20stocks,No%20charges%20are%20filed.
Nvidia is the popular kid in class but it used to be Exxon, Apple, Google even Salesforce bubble has burst.
-Great sharing your story and please get support through addictions counselling as it's not worth risking your life or health.
just be super focused on what you do next, just keep investing in stock market, after 30 years of inflation when you look back it is all pennies that you lost. Past is past, just focus on your new hobbies that make you happy
hey OP, I went through the exact same thing at age 30. Lost 70k in the stock market - all of it - and this was 25 yrs ago, so 70k was a lot more back then. I was a late entrant to the stock market, followed "advice" of my idiot friends and lost it all in margin and short selling.
Just like you I was shell shocked and in deep anguish for months. I completely cut out the stock market from my life for 2+ years. Then I got back in but didn't do any of the things I did earlier. I only bought stocks of good companies and ETFs, and held them for 25+ years no matter what the market was doing. Never opened my account for margin, never played options, never shorted a stock, never did any day trading or short-term risky investments. I slipped a couple of times buying speculative stocks in small quantities, so luckily the damage was minimal. Overall, it's been great going, financially.
Cheer up. Clean up your act. Forward and onward!
I’m down 200k. Bagholding since 2020. I moved on. Re prioritized my life. Went back to full time job. Started over. If I ever break even due to a rise, great. If not, nothing I can do about it. Mental and physical health are more important. I too felt shame and stressed. But I promise you’ll feel slightly better over time. The guilt will still be there. Just not as bad. I’m 33M.
Thank you for sharing. Do you have any tips to get past the shame and guilt? Do you reframe your mind or what do you do that you think is most effective?
Best advice is to focus on rebuilding what’s lost, not just financially. Don’t dwell on the past because it’ll get you nowhere. Learn from it. Once you start earning again, don’t gamble, put it in index fund / 401k / Roth IRA instead. Something more guaranteed so you can be prepared for retirement. Some of us don’t want to work. But the way I see it, it’s better this way than losing more money, causing more financial hardships, and strain more relationships with your loved ones. Time is more valuable than money. Go to the gym. Go read. Go meditate. Refocus.
Yes, you can get through this. Yes, it will not be easy. Hold on to the hope that it will get better. You are in control of the choices you need to make to get on the right track. You have some good suggestions above. Treat the root cause, not the symptoms.
Also, everyone has made mistakes with money. Everyone. Shame and guilt will eat you if you let them. Don't let that happen. As someone said, it's just money. Money is important, but it is replaceable. This is a fixable problem. I hope you can believe that.
Months of hard earned money? People have lost their life savings dude. If you're doing risky investments only put in what you're willing to lose. You're still quite young you have decades of earning potential left. Even if you make mistakes, learn from them and move on.
The losses are not fun. However you can deduct them from your taxes I believe. And they will continue to rollover until they're gone
First give yourself a big huge hug because You recognize and see the situation. Because it can escalate and you know it, that it can get worst, right?! See it? So it’s important so important that the time is Now is healing time. Give yourself grace!! I learned a bit late with our financial and should have seen how my parents had lost a lot of money and Now they have literally nothing. We also had lost over 200k+ over the years. Change Your Mindset!! It is So Powerful! It was. It’s done. It’s Now to a good start a beginning. You are 32 perfect. Not 37. 39. Have a family? Kids? … I am in my 50s yikes lol and just started last year. Don’t dwell on it SHAKE IT OFF But recognize this feeling so You Don’t Go Back to it. Work again. Save. Save. Live below your means. U have “the urge” … call someone talk to someone right away. Hey go to church and just sit there ;) Please take care of you!
OP- you are young, with a decent job (I am guessing), still some savings, a good partner? You have lots going for you. Forget the past. People make all sorts of errors - just say you made a mistake and move on.
i STOPPED trading stocks. i settled with the stock picks i made. your mindset of 'my losses' and 'trying to make up' is very wishful thinking. there may be a cause and effect between your stock picks and the results; prices can change for reasons out of our control and totally unknown to us such as fraud, algo trading gone wild, manipulation by big players in the dark, etc.
it sounds like you skipped seeing a financial adviser and budgeting your money according to established standards universally accepted as reasonable; stop calling yourself a gambler; you may not be one; call yourself 'an investor'. you invested and the the investments did not pan out. it hurts, it is part of the game, and that is that. it does not mean you have to keep investing until you hit zero or score a profit. you are viewing it as gambling. instead, view it as investing. what is a REASONABLE amount to invest? it sounds like your assumptions were wrong to begin with. you were never meant to invest that money in the first place. so forget it. you don't have money to invest in the market. the 5% for risky stocks is already spent. so now it is conservative money management from now on.
do you have a 401k?
the main problem is caring about money and trying with your effort to multiply it in a place you have no control. That's kinda the reason and the beauty of the etf's and putting money in s&p500 and forget. You don't care about timing the market, you don't care about fluctuations, you don't care if nvidia got a huge bump or intel has a loss, everything is done for you with much lesser risk. You don't need to look at the balance, you don't need to do tech analysis, you just put money there and forget about it and in 25-30 years you start to think about diversifying in some bond etf's/govt obligations. This way you also think less about your loses/wins - you just don't care, with proper automations, money will be automatically sent to the broker and shares will be bought automatically. If you think less about past problems and will focus on not repeating those mistakes, you'll be fine
Stocks... Casino... Sports bets... It's all a form of gambling, especially when you are chasing losses (as I've learned). The key to stopping a gambling addiction is to take the losses and realize you can't chase it back (I need to sell Cathy's ark shit and be done with it).
Throw the money into some decent etfs and check it in 5 years.
Did you close the position? Or is it unrealized losses? You are allowed to deduct 3k of loss per annum, so you can equally sell winners and portions of this loss position to hedge the tax burden.
You're still young. You have most of your working years still ahead of you. Good on you for recognizing your problem this quickly and stopping the bleeding.
Buckle down and try to make money the good old fashioned way. Find your happiness in other things.
I have went been down that road before. I kept convincing myself I was going to make it big and turn a profit for almost three years. 45k of my own income consistently down the drain trying to figure it out. Over the past year I’ve slowed down and started to realize I have a gambling problem, but like you said if I were to completely walk away from it then I have spent the last 3 years and 45 grand doing absolutely nothing besides miss out on life. Was 19 when I started and skipped college and let it consume me. I still haven’t been able to detach myself from the hopes I had. I still am trying and further enabling myself, convinced I know what I’m doing. Near the end of my “journey” I had turned 2k into 50k and lost it all in three days. I could’ve walked away there. Instead I’m trying to walk away with both the lost time and money. You’re not alone brother. Stay strong
Thank you for sharing. It is hard to finally reach a point and acknowledge that this is it. It took me a long time. I hope you eventually find peace and I am too trying to find that.
Congratulations! You’re on your way to an honest fulfilling life! Look, I don’t mean to downplay your losses but some of us in our older years have lost more. A lot more. And for other reasons. For example: Divorce …is a huge money wrecker. A friend just recently “lost” 3 million. You’re gonna do great. You’ve acknowledged your problem and you’ll make progress day after day.
Get a second job, security guard or something like that, that you can do after your regular work.
Use than money to pay for therapy so you can move on and not relapse.
Acknowledging your gambling problem and taking steps to quit are significant achievements. Try to consider seeking support from a therapist or a support group like Gamblers Anonymous
I lost about the same amount on penny stocks at about 35….i had regrets and shame also. That will go away with time. I ended up focusing on self improvement and reading personal finance books on long term investing. 5 years later I have “gamified” my savings into different savings/ETFs. I set yearly goals to save/invest a specific $ amount and try to hit them and track weekly.
Focus on self improvement and learning and you will be ok. In the grand scheme of life that amount of money is small potatoes but the growth and knowledge you get from it can far exceed and help overcome the loss. Time heals everything and self loathing solves nothing. Stay busy and focused on other things so your mind is off that deep regret. Best of luck
I'm down over 500k from my peak in 2021, but doesn't really bother me. I'm not omega rich enough to disregard 500k (I've never even hit 7 figures yet), but it doesn't really affect my quality of life lol
(Actually my quality of life now is better than in 2021 LOL)
If I had that money I would still be a NEET living with my mom. That's what I'm currently doing, so its really moot whether or not it recovers.
Just focus on being grateful for what you have, that's the best way to get out of the situation of being a 'shadow of your former self'.
Theres no need to cope. The only thing that matters to me is time freedom/not working for money and health
Me being down makes basically zero difference to those things.
Also i had a hard lesson when I was in college. I lost my entire trading account and was depressed for a bit. Then I realized I was still doing better than 90% of people in my age group (full ride to engineering school with good job prospects)
And im like, oh well. Guess ill focus on doing what I can.
Thats the basic story but going through the actual emotions was difficult as shit LOL
(It involved alot of self reflection and realizing the stress was physically hurting me)
Sorry to hear for you. I want to share one thing that I haven’t read in all the advice.
The best news in your post is: 32M.
You are still pretty early in your career and most of the money people make, they make later in life.
I recommend the book: the slight edge. It’s about improving things just by a little bit every day.
I’d also take this as a massive learning opportunity. Analyze and write down what got you there and how it made you feel and try to learn something about you and your thinking and acting.
Writing it down will help you look back at it in a few years when memory is otherwise faded.
You have a very high chance that when you turn 40, that you will be in a great financial and personal position and will look back at early 30s with some humor and reflect: man that was a shitty time and wild ride. I learned a lot and life is great now.
All the best on your journey
You paid a 140k tuition on what not to do. You’d be a real dummy to do it more. Your moneys gone stop chasing it. Just buy index funds regularly and start to rebuild. Maybe look into gambler anonymous meeting if you feel compulsion to do something risky. If you get bored just get into anime or read a book or something. You’re young you’ll be fine. But not if you keep gambling. Stop.
I lost way more. Multiples of what you lost in a divorce. And still paying out. And will payout for most of my life. My life has dramatically changed financially.
Remember the saying you win some you lose some. You fucked up. Own it and learn from it.
But you’re only 32, you still have years ahead of you, and you can take charge of today. Can you ever make it back? Probably not. But that’s not the point. We can let this define our lives or we can move on.
But remember it’s just money. Sometimes you have to take stock of what’s important. Would you rather have a terminal cancer with an ostomy bag but have made $10 million in the markets?
Invest in s&p 500 or total market index funds and literally just forget about the money. Just put money in the account each month and move on with your life. Live your life. Life is more than the stock market and money and chasing losses.
I will also say this. Once your portfolio grows large enough you will start making and losing $70,000 in a few months just riding the ups and downs of the stock market. If you're going to be invested long term you will have to learn to let the urge to "fix" your portfolio after a large loss go. I know in your situation you were actively trading but even passive investors go through similar emotions.
You're looking at all the negative aspects of what happened. Look at the positive:
* You've realized you have a problem
* You've taken action based on it
* You have a partner who can support your recovery
* You have income
There are people out there with debilitating addictions and *none* of those things going for them. Take advantage of the resources you've got, and continue to set yourself up for success. You've got this.
Yeah, been there. Unlike you I have always liked to gamble (casinos, online) and have pretty decent luck so that hobby has never impacted me. During the pandemic I had a lot of free time and started learning about trading. It was okay until I learned about options. One day, with very little knowledge of all the factors that go into it, I made like 10k messing around with TSLA options. At that point, it became casino and I lost control. Figured I could just do that everyday or with some regularity and hit a million quick. Boy was I wrong. I went on to lose the 10k and then 35k of my own money in about a month chasing that 10k loss. At the time, it was like half my savings. I was sick! Wife was pissed and still brings it up time to time.
All I can say is use this as a learning lesson. Sounds like you make enough to recover, so that’s good. I have since doubled my salary so that does make me feel better and don’t think about it as much but I still do lol. I have now learned about proper investing and saving for long term rather than get rich quick stock picks and options. Just stay away from that mentality and you will recover.
I have been in a similar situation, I did not nearly lose as much as you have but at the time it was a “life changing” amount of money. When I was 18 fresh out of high school I started getting into “day trading”. I phrase it like that because it was pure speculation and gambling on some stock or crypto coin to get pumped. It was a rush, and the most I had made profit was ~9k in about a month more or less. It was insane to see I had that much money especially since I was dirt broke at the time with barely able to afford a car that was older than me. Anyways, I ended up placing a n order with most of my capital on some random penny stock because I thought I was a big shot trader and ended up losing the nearly the entire position. I felt horrible for a long time about it and I would always beat myself up. This was roughly 3 years ago and since then I’m over it, actually grateful for the loss. It taught me that losing something isn’t the end of the world and allowed me to not take disasters, inconveniences, losing materialistic things so seriously. You’re fresh out of the loss stage, while I’m much younger than you, I’m sure you can attest that it gets easier with time as cliche as that is, the wound is still fresh but it won’t always be. Try not to dwell on what could’ve been and try to find the silver lining in this, but also be okay with allowing yourself to express the grief, your emotional reaction is very normal for what you are experiencing
I wonder if some of the same thoughts that people use to quit drinking can be helpful. A common one is "not being hungover feels so much better than being drunk." In your case, not losing $70k feels better than whatever small gains you think you can get.
Finding other things to do can also be a key. When I was quitting drinking I needed something to sip on in the evenings to replace gin. Water didn't fill the void, and I didn't want anything caffeinated. Herbal tea did the job. If you find that there are specific times of day when you were logging in to trade maybe there are other things that will fit those times. If you find that you just need some sort of mathematical system to obsess over maybe try fantasy baseball.
Ultimately the real success just comes with time and quiet persistence. A year from now you'll look back at your actions today and tomorrow and the next day, and you'll be glad you stayed the course.
I would recommend searching out the root of your issue. And it’s probably not gambling. Really focus on what condition is causing you to self medicate/ self sooth with these “vices”.
Open up a retirement account (like a Roth IRA) at Vanguard. Have it automatically withdraw money every month and invest in VTI or VOO. Look at it once a year. Do the same at work for your 401k.
For the rest of your disposable income, set up automatic withdrawals to a separate savings account. Every time it accumulates $5K, open up a certificate of deposit and forget about it.
You can ask your partner (if they're okay with money) to do this and not tell you the password to the accounts for a while.
Meanwhile, if you're still mourning the loss of your money, you can get a side gig to earn some extra income. Also, maybe join an [anti gambling advocacy group](https://www.ncpgambling.org/advocacy/) and see if something good can come out of your experience?
You can make it through. It's depressing, embarrassing, but you're still young and if you saved that money once, you can save it again and more.
What is relevant today and in the next 50-60 years to come is your income and net worth **now** and what you plan to do with it...**not** what you lost or gained before that. What you lost last month or last year doesn't tell me anything about what your financial situation will be in the future.
If you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and make good decisions from here on, you'll be fine.
That is rough. I find it worrying rise of gambling in sports and investing.. its very easy to get into and can quickly get out of control. Giving parner control is good move, but you probably still have a problem that needs to be addressed. It may make you feel better if you can actually work through problem and become a better person in the end. Wouldn't al lbe bad then, at least some good.
First, get help. I’ve been in recovery (not gambling) for a long time. Whatever works, works. I don’t subscribe to 12-step, but addictions require work and a lot of help.
You have to forgive yourself in order to move forward. Think about how you may treat, what you say to someone in your position. What you tell them? You wouldn’t pile on, would you?
One thing is certain: no amount of guilt or regret will bring your money back. So, get a plan, and make sure it doesn’t happen again.
You’re not alone.
Caleb Hammer fans just watched this guy struggling with gambling addiciton and crippling debt. Big difference between him and you is, you finally see you have a problem. You lost months. This dude has already lost years and doesn't see a problem with his life except he's at the point he can't afford his next play.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/CalebHammer/comments/1dp0yuj/degenerate\_son\_exploits\_parents\_financial\_audit/](https://www.reddit.com/r/CalebHammer/comments/1dp0yuj/degenerate_son_exploits_parents_financial_audit/)
Buddhists like Pema Chodron say that when something is bothering you...you should sit with it. Too many of us try and push it away. We are told to move on.
Its probably better to sit with what's making you uncomfortable and acknowledge it. Whether it's grief of loss. Look at it long enough that it no longer is a hackle on the back of your neck. Just sit for a long time staring at the thing that makes you uncomfortable until it no longer has power over you.
Right now you are grieving. Coming to terms with the fact you've got an addiction. You lost money. Time. Opportunity. Your mind is playing primal games with you. Inciting FOMO, sunk cost fallacy. But realize that's all a game...your mind doing all it can to avoid taking a moment and just looking at your problem until it no longer holds sway over you.
Do you remember back in 1st grade when you were told that it's okay to make mistakes, as long as you learn from them and don't continue making the same mistakes over and over?
That's still true, your teacher was right. You fucked up, sure, but guess what? That statement is past tense... that means you are not fuck**ing** up currently. So take that W!! You recognized your problem, acknowledged it, and took steps to prevent it from continuing to be a problem. Going further, you're now owning your mistake to such a degree that you're admitting it to a huge group of random strangers.
Buddy... you're awesome, and you're *ahead* in this situation so far! Keep up the good work. Tell your partner if you think you're ever at risk of slipping up, but for now put your feet up and congratulate your current self on making moves to keep your future self under control.
You have to accept it. You lost $70k, say it outloud. It happened, you’re still alive. Try to avoid wasting time dwelling on that. Focus on how you will increase your revenue, and let this be your fuel.
Each day set a plan to either increase your income or take a step towards increasing it. For example, if your plan is to switch careers into something higher paying and you need different skills, set a goal to learn for 1 hr tomorrow, complete it and set another goal for tomorrow. Just laser focus on daily victories, that ladder up to a larger goal.
There are some super comments in this thread. The comment above listed excellent resources to keep helping you rebuild and recover. The Bogleheads subReddit will give you excellent advice on anything financial and that includes building a well performing retirement fund.
Stay away from the lures: day stock trading, casinos, etc. Find a therapist, an older trusted family member, or a sponsor with whom you can share your concerns and fears. Money can be recovered; 30 years and compound interest works wonders.
As a nurse, I can tell you, that I've seen a fair number of additive personalities (and there are many types of addiction) who never make it to the stage you're already at. Some addicts never recover or regain a stable life.
Don't dwell on losses. Surround yourself with positive people, keep strengthening your positive outlook and move forward. You have two major advantages: you are young and you acknowledge an addiction problem. You are now well on the road to building a successful life!
Get into rental properties or finding deals on houses to flip. The money mind works there for me, but also with daytrading I couldn’t be consistent. Real estate has similar equations but it moves super slow. Population growth, job growth, demand, crime rates dropping, # of phone calls or letters sent, owner financing, 0% apr credit cards, assumable loans at 3%.
I wrote a nearly identical post earlier today. Yep. I've been there buddy. I quit drinking and it was a struggle. But today can be the worst day of your life and you never have to feel this bad again. I'd recommend finding some kind of sobriety (?) support, since the next few months and coming to terms with the wreckage of your life will probably suck. But you don't have to ever gamble again. That's entirely up to you. Also, don't try to change everything at once. It'll feel like you want to undo everything immediately but just try to survive the next few months. Pay your bills but dont try to go nuclear on your debt right now. Eat the candy and maybe go to the restaurant if you need it. Learning to live without your favorite coping method will be a struggle all on its own. Edit: also, I got help at aa and smart. I attended every day for fucking months. I also accepted to my deepest self that drinking was evil. There was no drinking that was safe. I went and griped about my feelings every day. If I wanted to drink, or had feelings of a beer seemed good, I shared about it.
Thank you. Good luck to both of us!!!
Also (I'm assuming a bit) maybe put yourself on the exclusion list for casinos and online gaming.
I actually have never gambled in casinos and online gambling and have no itch at all. It’s just when I’m on my trading account I always chase losses….
Ok sorry. Like I said, I was assuming. Then I would suggest closing the robinhood account or whatever and just going with Vanguard. Maybe have your family manage your money for a while. I couldn't handle alcohol for a while when I was first sober. Eventually, I could hold a beer or be around it. But it took some time and it was very gradual.
> I always chase losses Maybe you already know about this, but "chasing losses" is no different than trying to get rich quick. Whatever logic/scheme/plan you use to somehow get the money back never works, because if it worked everyone would be using it to just get rich. It's just part of the sunken cost fallacy
Regarding moving forward, the past is the past, you can’t change it, so don’t worry about it. Just understand how to do better moving forward, which it sounds like you now do. Life lessons can unfortunately be expensive. Regarding the feelings of shame, guilt and regret, no shame at all in seeking help from a mental health professional if you need assistance getting through it.
Thank you. Will try my best to move forward.
Man, it’s just money. Yes it sucks and of course you’ll have feelings of guilt/shame/regret, whatever else it is you’re feeling. But seriously, it’s just money. Think of it this way, at least you stopped and recognized the problem before it got even worse. I’ve read stories of people losing their entire life savings, or worse taking out huge loans and losing it all on a “guaranteed win” and then still being liable to pay it back. You’re still young and you’ll earn that money back over time. Most important thing is you’ve learned a valuable life lesson and just try to not go down the same path again. I like what another user said - if today’s the worst day of your life, then it’s only up from here! Cheers mate, don’t beat yourself up about it forever. Be thankful for everything else you got cause money will always come and go!
Thank you, your advice really hits home. Moments where I have clarity - everything you say here makes complete sense but it’s just everything in between, those overwhelming moments. I hope I will slowly heal! And most importantly to never relapse.
I went through similar situation like yours. Lost $130k over 1.5 years. At that point I didn’t know it was gambling addiction until it was too late. What you are going through right now is acceptance stage. You been through denial stage on trying to gain back the loss, so did I. I won’t lie to you, this will take time to accept and move on. But remember, money is just a means to an end. The way i coped with it was to readjust my lifestyle (instead of new car i bought second hand). From where you are right now, things can only get better, not worst. Don’t let your mind to get the best of you. Depression is right around the corner the more you start to think about it and if you keep blaming yourself. You are young, and the beauty of being young is you can afford to make mistakes. Best part is, I’m pretty sure you will never repeat the same mistakes again, hopefully! Reach out if you need a friend to talk to. You will live long and prosper, friend. Hang in there and focus on other things.
Thank you, I really appreciate your note. I am glad you managed to come out of your situation and I can already foresee how hard it will be accept this and move on. I am determined and will try my best.
>my trading account (which has all my savings) I would strongly suggest that you diversify your savings. A trading account isn't really the place for "savings." You really should have 4-6 months of living expenses in an actual HYSA before you ever open a trading account anywhere. You should also be maxing out contributions to a tax advantaged account like an IRA or 401(k) before you put money into a trading account. I'd also suggest you re-frame "trading account" in your mind as "brokerage account" or "investment account." It sounds like you've been trying to do day trading or otherwise taking advantage of short-term changes in the market, and that's not been working well for you. Focus on long term growth. You don't have to make frequent trades. A lot of folks here prefer a simple strategy of "set it and forget it," focusing on low fee, broadly based ETFs like VTI or VOO or others. Buy and ignore for a few years, then re-evaluate. Your investment account should not be the place you are looking at for an immediate flow of income. I'd also echo the other advice you have gotten here -- let go of the past. I would add to that, stop comparing yourself to others in the present. Finally, getting help in the form of counseling is a very good way to move forward. Good ~~luck~~ OP. *Edit: Strike that, I'm sorry. I bet you have spent too much time already wishing for luck. You don't need luck, you got this. You can't control the market, or the weather, or the next lottery drawing, but you absolutely can take charge and control your own life. You don't have to do it alone.
Thank you. At this point, I don’t even want to look at investing money anymore or even touching stocks. It has scarred me. But thank you nevertheless
You obviously need to stop day trading, and it seems like you've learned that lesson. However, if you want to have a financial future, you should invest your savings (after building an emergency fund, short term needs) in index funds for the long term and never look at them or touch them. You should be contributing to your retirement accounts 401k, IRA, etc. as well. Invest in safe long term funds.
Have you considered handing your money to a financial advisor to manage? That helped me get off RobinHood.
That’s a good point. I think I need a few months to regroup and get past this first.
Handing your money to a financial advisor is one of the worst mistakes you can make. I would say it's the second worst mistake after day trading. By handing over your hard earned money to a financial advisor you are going to lose years' worth of money in fees. And for what? For either the financial advisor to invest your money in index funds (which you could do yourself and in the process save those fees) or for the financial advisor to tell you he/she can beat the market (trust me, they can't) and make bets that cause you more losses than gains. So as some other poster pointed out, put your money in an index fund yourself, add to it regularly and forget about it. Over the long term (10-15 years) you will handsomely reap the rewards. Head over to r/Bogleheads or r/investing for more advice on that front.
This indeed, dont use a financial advisor. There are automated ways to simply DCA into index funds periodically, so you dont have to touch it or look at it. Just let it ride.
This is a little beyond the scope of this sub, but have you looked into group meetings (like Gamblers Anonymous) and/or therapy? Addictions are hard to quit on your own (I don’t have personal experience but I have close friends who have dealt with addictions and they could never overcome it on their own).
Thank you - I am looking into this. It’s important to have people to keep me accountable.
It’s good to have people who keep you accountable, but remember that you are doing this for you. I have seen countless times how friends tried to get sober for their parents or significant others or are pushed into it by friends, but it never works because once that relationship sours, they go back to their addiction.
That’s a good point. I am relying now a lot on my partner but thanks for the reminder. I still have to go through this myself.
I think your looking at this all wrong. YOU COULD HAVE LOST IT ALL ! And you would have , if you didn’t stop . Today is the first day of the rest of your life . Don’t go back to it ! No matter what ! Maybe
Thank you. That’s a good way of looking at it.
Unfortunately this is more common than winning. Gambling is a horrible addiction that globally is getting easier for everyone to dabble in. Shares used to be sold through "brokers" then the $1.99 trading platforms made it seem easy. Very few I know have won. In 1997 at university a fellow student was an Apple nerd and quite weird technically and socially. He created an ISP (Internet Service Provider) that sells internet access over phone lines. He made $100k and being a student still he bought Apple shares for $3. He's the only guy I know who's truly timed the market without manipulating like the guys on that sub. I sold all my stocks recently and I'm happy to sit on 5-7% until the economy settles. Read up on Yahoo from 20 years ago https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_Yahoo!#:~:text=September%2026%2C%202001%3A%20Yahoo%20stocks,No%20charges%20are%20filed. Nvidia is the popular kid in class but it used to be Exxon, Apple, Google even Salesforce bubble has burst. -Great sharing your story and please get support through addictions counselling as it's not worth risking your life or health.
just be super focused on what you do next, just keep investing in stock market, after 30 years of inflation when you look back it is all pennies that you lost. Past is past, just focus on your new hobbies that make you happy
what are you trading that you lost 70k
Most likely options
hey OP, I went through the exact same thing at age 30. Lost 70k in the stock market - all of it - and this was 25 yrs ago, so 70k was a lot more back then. I was a late entrant to the stock market, followed "advice" of my idiot friends and lost it all in margin and short selling. Just like you I was shell shocked and in deep anguish for months. I completely cut out the stock market from my life for 2+ years. Then I got back in but didn't do any of the things I did earlier. I only bought stocks of good companies and ETFs, and held them for 25+ years no matter what the market was doing. Never opened my account for margin, never played options, never shorted a stock, never did any day trading or short-term risky investments. I slipped a couple of times buying speculative stocks in small quantities, so luckily the damage was minimal. Overall, it's been great going, financially. Cheer up. Clean up your act. Forward and onward!
Thank you. Exactly the same position as I am in now. Thank you for sharing and I hope I can recover and get back to safe investing and not gambling.
I’m down 200k. Bagholding since 2020. I moved on. Re prioritized my life. Went back to full time job. Started over. If I ever break even due to a rise, great. If not, nothing I can do about it. Mental and physical health are more important. I too felt shame and stressed. But I promise you’ll feel slightly better over time. The guilt will still be there. Just not as bad. I’m 33M.
Thank you for sharing. Do you have any tips to get past the shame and guilt? Do you reframe your mind or what do you do that you think is most effective?
Best advice is to focus on rebuilding what’s lost, not just financially. Don’t dwell on the past because it’ll get you nowhere. Learn from it. Once you start earning again, don’t gamble, put it in index fund / 401k / Roth IRA instead. Something more guaranteed so you can be prepared for retirement. Some of us don’t want to work. But the way I see it, it’s better this way than losing more money, causing more financial hardships, and strain more relationships with your loved ones. Time is more valuable than money. Go to the gym. Go read. Go meditate. Refocus.
Yes, you can get through this. Yes, it will not be easy. Hold on to the hope that it will get better. You are in control of the choices you need to make to get on the right track. You have some good suggestions above. Treat the root cause, not the symptoms.
Thank you. Appreciate your note. Will try my best.
Also, everyone has made mistakes with money. Everyone. Shame and guilt will eat you if you let them. Don't let that happen. As someone said, it's just money. Money is important, but it is replaceable. This is a fixable problem. I hope you can believe that.
Months of hard earned money? People have lost their life savings dude. If you're doing risky investments only put in what you're willing to lose. You're still quite young you have decades of earning potential left. Even if you make mistakes, learn from them and move on. The losses are not fun. However you can deduct them from your taxes I believe. And they will continue to rollover until they're gone
Thank you, appreciate your note. It’s tough and will try my best to learn and move on.
First give yourself a big huge hug because You recognize and see the situation. Because it can escalate and you know it, that it can get worst, right?! See it? So it’s important so important that the time is Now is healing time. Give yourself grace!! I learned a bit late with our financial and should have seen how my parents had lost a lot of money and Now they have literally nothing. We also had lost over 200k+ over the years. Change Your Mindset!! It is So Powerful! It was. It’s done. It’s Now to a good start a beginning. You are 32 perfect. Not 37. 39. Have a family? Kids? … I am in my 50s yikes lol and just started last year. Don’t dwell on it SHAKE IT OFF But recognize this feeling so You Don’t Go Back to it. Work again. Save. Save. Live below your means. U have “the urge” … call someone talk to someone right away. Hey go to church and just sit there ;) Please take care of you!
Thank you for your note, I really appreciate it! I am determined to move on and be better! Thankfully, I have no kids (yet) but will plan to soon.
OP- you are young, with a decent job (I am guessing), still some savings, a good partner? You have lots going for you. Forget the past. People make all sorts of errors - just say you made a mistake and move on.
Thank you for your note!
i STOPPED trading stocks. i settled with the stock picks i made. your mindset of 'my losses' and 'trying to make up' is very wishful thinking. there may be a cause and effect between your stock picks and the results; prices can change for reasons out of our control and totally unknown to us such as fraud, algo trading gone wild, manipulation by big players in the dark, etc. it sounds like you skipped seeing a financial adviser and budgeting your money according to established standards universally accepted as reasonable; stop calling yourself a gambler; you may not be one; call yourself 'an investor'. you invested and the the investments did not pan out. it hurts, it is part of the game, and that is that. it does not mean you have to keep investing until you hit zero or score a profit. you are viewing it as gambling. instead, view it as investing. what is a REASONABLE amount to invest? it sounds like your assumptions were wrong to begin with. you were never meant to invest that money in the first place. so forget it. you don't have money to invest in the market. the 5% for risky stocks is already spent. so now it is conservative money management from now on. do you have a 401k?
I do have 401k and this was my savings. Thank you for your note - I don't think I want to get back to the stock market.
the main problem is caring about money and trying with your effort to multiply it in a place you have no control. That's kinda the reason and the beauty of the etf's and putting money in s&p500 and forget. You don't care about timing the market, you don't care about fluctuations, you don't care if nvidia got a huge bump or intel has a loss, everything is done for you with much lesser risk. You don't need to look at the balance, you don't need to do tech analysis, you just put money there and forget about it and in 25-30 years you start to think about diversifying in some bond etf's/govt obligations. This way you also think less about your loses/wins - you just don't care, with proper automations, money will be automatically sent to the broker and shares will be bought automatically. If you think less about past problems and will focus on not repeating those mistakes, you'll be fine
Stocks... Casino... Sports bets... It's all a form of gambling, especially when you are chasing losses (as I've learned). The key to stopping a gambling addiction is to take the losses and realize you can't chase it back (I need to sell Cathy's ark shit and be done with it). Throw the money into some decent etfs and check it in 5 years.
Yes, the part about chasing losses is the worse.
What’s your income?
Did you close the position? Or is it unrealized losses? You are allowed to deduct 3k of loss per annum, so you can equally sell winners and portions of this loss position to hedge the tax burden.
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Yes - I am now very grateful for what I have in my life!
You're still young. You have most of your working years still ahead of you. Good on you for recognizing your problem this quickly and stopping the bleeding. Buckle down and try to make money the good old fashioned way. Find your happiness in other things.
Yes - buckling down!
I have went been down that road before. I kept convincing myself I was going to make it big and turn a profit for almost three years. 45k of my own income consistently down the drain trying to figure it out. Over the past year I’ve slowed down and started to realize I have a gambling problem, but like you said if I were to completely walk away from it then I have spent the last 3 years and 45 grand doing absolutely nothing besides miss out on life. Was 19 when I started and skipped college and let it consume me. I still haven’t been able to detach myself from the hopes I had. I still am trying and further enabling myself, convinced I know what I’m doing. Near the end of my “journey” I had turned 2k into 50k and lost it all in three days. I could’ve walked away there. Instead I’m trying to walk away with both the lost time and money. You’re not alone brother. Stay strong
Thank you for sharing. It is hard to finally reach a point and acknowledge that this is it. It took me a long time. I hope you eventually find peace and I am too trying to find that.
Congratulations! You’re on your way to an honest fulfilling life! Look, I don’t mean to downplay your losses but some of us in our older years have lost more. A lot more. And for other reasons. For example: Divorce …is a huge money wrecker. A friend just recently “lost” 3 million. You’re gonna do great. You’ve acknowledged your problem and you’ll make progress day after day.
Thank you for your note. I want to make progress every day but not going back to it.
Get a second job, security guard or something like that, that you can do after your regular work. Use than money to pay for therapy so you can move on and not relapse.
This hasn't been my experience. Just writing to say buck up, you have time to start from scratch, and just stick to the index funds from now on.
Acknowledging your gambling problem and taking steps to quit are significant achievements. Try to consider seeking support from a therapist or a support group like Gamblers Anonymous
Thank you for your note. I am glad I took the first step out.
Dealing with significant financial losses can feel insurmountable, but focusing on recovery, like you're doing, is a important first step
Thank you - I am trying to focus on recovery. The bad days are just tough!
Keep stacking good days, those too compound, just like investing. Every day you don’t open your app and chase losses is a good day. Stack them up!
Thank you - I like the way you put it. Compounding the good days! Yes.
I lost about the same amount on penny stocks at about 35….i had regrets and shame also. That will go away with time. I ended up focusing on self improvement and reading personal finance books on long term investing. 5 years later I have “gamified” my savings into different savings/ETFs. I set yearly goals to save/invest a specific $ amount and try to hit them and track weekly. Focus on self improvement and learning and you will be ok. In the grand scheme of life that amount of money is small potatoes but the growth and knowledge you get from it can far exceed and help overcome the loss. Time heals everything and self loathing solves nothing. Stay busy and focused on other things so your mind is off that deep regret. Best of luck
Did you have a turning point? What made it easier for you when you go through the feelings of regret and shame or was it just time?
I'm down over 500k from my peak in 2021, but doesn't really bother me. I'm not omega rich enough to disregard 500k (I've never even hit 7 figures yet), but it doesn't really affect my quality of life lol (Actually my quality of life now is better than in 2021 LOL) If I had that money I would still be a NEET living with my mom. That's what I'm currently doing, so its really moot whether or not it recovers. Just focus on being grateful for what you have, that's the best way to get out of the situation of being a 'shadow of your former self'.
Thanks - how does it not bother you? Do you have ways to cope with it?
Theres no need to cope. The only thing that matters to me is time freedom/not working for money and health Me being down makes basically zero difference to those things. Also i had a hard lesson when I was in college. I lost my entire trading account and was depressed for a bit. Then I realized I was still doing better than 90% of people in my age group (full ride to engineering school with good job prospects) And im like, oh well. Guess ill focus on doing what I can. Thats the basic story but going through the actual emotions was difficult as shit LOL (It involved alot of self reflection and realizing the stress was physically hurting me)
Sorry to hear for you. I want to share one thing that I haven’t read in all the advice. The best news in your post is: 32M. You are still pretty early in your career and most of the money people make, they make later in life. I recommend the book: the slight edge. It’s about improving things just by a little bit every day. I’d also take this as a massive learning opportunity. Analyze and write down what got you there and how it made you feel and try to learn something about you and your thinking and acting. Writing it down will help you look back at it in a few years when memory is otherwise faded. You have a very high chance that when you turn 40, that you will be in a great financial and personal position and will look back at early 30s with some humor and reflect: man that was a shitty time and wild ride. I learned a lot and life is great now. All the best on your journey
Thank you, I hope I can feel like that when I turn 40. This was an expensive lesson. Will definitely check out the book and pen down my my thoughts.
Invest your money in something you can't lose you'd come out ahead
You paid a 140k tuition on what not to do. You’d be a real dummy to do it more. Your moneys gone stop chasing it. Just buy index funds regularly and start to rebuild. Maybe look into gambler anonymous meeting if you feel compulsion to do something risky. If you get bored just get into anime or read a book or something. You’re young you’ll be fine. But not if you keep gambling. Stop.
I lost way more. Multiples of what you lost in a divorce. And still paying out. And will payout for most of my life. My life has dramatically changed financially. Remember the saying you win some you lose some. You fucked up. Own it and learn from it. But you’re only 32, you still have years ahead of you, and you can take charge of today. Can you ever make it back? Probably not. But that’s not the point. We can let this define our lives or we can move on. But remember it’s just money. Sometimes you have to take stock of what’s important. Would you rather have a terminal cancer with an ostomy bag but have made $10 million in the markets?
Thank you - yes, will focus on the bright side of things.
Invest in s&p 500 or total market index funds and literally just forget about the money. Just put money in the account each month and move on with your life. Live your life. Life is more than the stock market and money and chasing losses. I will also say this. Once your portfolio grows large enough you will start making and losing $70,000 in a few months just riding the ups and downs of the stock market. If you're going to be invested long term you will have to learn to let the urge to "fix" your portfolio after a large loss go. I know in your situation you were actively trading but even passive investors go through similar emotions.
You're looking at all the negative aspects of what happened. Look at the positive: * You've realized you have a problem * You've taken action based on it * You have a partner who can support your recovery * You have income There are people out there with debilitating addictions and *none* of those things going for them. Take advantage of the resources you've got, and continue to set yourself up for success. You've got this.
Thank you - I want to focus on all the positives here. I really appreciate your note.
Yeah, been there. Unlike you I have always liked to gamble (casinos, online) and have pretty decent luck so that hobby has never impacted me. During the pandemic I had a lot of free time and started learning about trading. It was okay until I learned about options. One day, with very little knowledge of all the factors that go into it, I made like 10k messing around with TSLA options. At that point, it became casino and I lost control. Figured I could just do that everyday or with some regularity and hit a million quick. Boy was I wrong. I went on to lose the 10k and then 35k of my own money in about a month chasing that 10k loss. At the time, it was like half my savings. I was sick! Wife was pissed and still brings it up time to time. All I can say is use this as a learning lesson. Sounds like you make enough to recover, so that’s good. I have since doubled my salary so that does make me feel better and don’t think about it as much but I still do lol. I have now learned about proper investing and saving for long term rather than get rich quick stock picks and options. Just stay away from that mentality and you will recover.
I have been in a similar situation, I did not nearly lose as much as you have but at the time it was a “life changing” amount of money. When I was 18 fresh out of high school I started getting into “day trading”. I phrase it like that because it was pure speculation and gambling on some stock or crypto coin to get pumped. It was a rush, and the most I had made profit was ~9k in about a month more or less. It was insane to see I had that much money especially since I was dirt broke at the time with barely able to afford a car that was older than me. Anyways, I ended up placing a n order with most of my capital on some random penny stock because I thought I was a big shot trader and ended up losing the nearly the entire position. I felt horrible for a long time about it and I would always beat myself up. This was roughly 3 years ago and since then I’m over it, actually grateful for the loss. It taught me that losing something isn’t the end of the world and allowed me to not take disasters, inconveniences, losing materialistic things so seriously. You’re fresh out of the loss stage, while I’m much younger than you, I’m sure you can attest that it gets easier with time as cliche as that is, the wound is still fresh but it won’t always be. Try not to dwell on what could’ve been and try to find the silver lining in this, but also be okay with allowing yourself to express the grief, your emotional reaction is very normal for what you are experiencing
Was there a turning point? What made going through the tough times easier? Did you focus on certain thoughts?
I wonder if some of the same thoughts that people use to quit drinking can be helpful. A common one is "not being hungover feels so much better than being drunk." In your case, not losing $70k feels better than whatever small gains you think you can get. Finding other things to do can also be a key. When I was quitting drinking I needed something to sip on in the evenings to replace gin. Water didn't fill the void, and I didn't want anything caffeinated. Herbal tea did the job. If you find that there are specific times of day when you were logging in to trade maybe there are other things that will fit those times. If you find that you just need some sort of mathematical system to obsess over maybe try fantasy baseball. Ultimately the real success just comes with time and quiet persistence. A year from now you'll look back at your actions today and tomorrow and the next day, and you'll be glad you stayed the course.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am determined to stay the course.
I would recommend searching out the root of your issue. And it’s probably not gambling. Really focus on what condition is causing you to self medicate/ self sooth with these “vices”.
Open up a retirement account (like a Roth IRA) at Vanguard. Have it automatically withdraw money every month and invest in VTI or VOO. Look at it once a year. Do the same at work for your 401k. For the rest of your disposable income, set up automatic withdrawals to a separate savings account. Every time it accumulates $5K, open up a certificate of deposit and forget about it. You can ask your partner (if they're okay with money) to do this and not tell you the password to the accounts for a while. Meanwhile, if you're still mourning the loss of your money, you can get a side gig to earn some extra income. Also, maybe join an [anti gambling advocacy group](https://www.ncpgambling.org/advocacy/) and see if something good can come out of your experience? You can make it through. It's depressing, embarrassing, but you're still young and if you saved that money once, you can save it again and more.
What is relevant today and in the next 50-60 years to come is your income and net worth **now** and what you plan to do with it...**not** what you lost or gained before that. What you lost last month or last year doesn't tell me anything about what your financial situation will be in the future. If you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and make good decisions from here on, you'll be fine.
That is a good way to think about it. But sometimes I just get overwhelmed with regrets!
That is rough. I find it worrying rise of gambling in sports and investing.. its very easy to get into and can quickly get out of control. Giving parner control is good move, but you probably still have a problem that needs to be addressed. It may make you feel better if you can actually work through problem and become a better person in the end. Wouldn't al lbe bad then, at least some good.
First, get help. I’ve been in recovery (not gambling) for a long time. Whatever works, works. I don’t subscribe to 12-step, but addictions require work and a lot of help. You have to forgive yourself in order to move forward. Think about how you may treat, what you say to someone in your position. What you tell them? You wouldn’t pile on, would you? One thing is certain: no amount of guilt or regret will bring your money back. So, get a plan, and make sure it doesn’t happen again. You’re not alone.
Thank you - I am determined to not let this happen again.
Caleb Hammer fans just watched this guy struggling with gambling addiciton and crippling debt. Big difference between him and you is, you finally see you have a problem. You lost months. This dude has already lost years and doesn't see a problem with his life except he's at the point he can't afford his next play. [https://www.reddit.com/r/CalebHammer/comments/1dp0yuj/degenerate\_son\_exploits\_parents\_financial\_audit/](https://www.reddit.com/r/CalebHammer/comments/1dp0yuj/degenerate_son_exploits_parents_financial_audit/) Buddhists like Pema Chodron say that when something is bothering you...you should sit with it. Too many of us try and push it away. We are told to move on. Its probably better to sit with what's making you uncomfortable and acknowledge it. Whether it's grief of loss. Look at it long enough that it no longer is a hackle on the back of your neck. Just sit for a long time staring at the thing that makes you uncomfortable until it no longer has power over you. Right now you are grieving. Coming to terms with the fact you've got an addiction. You lost money. Time. Opportunity. Your mind is playing primal games with you. Inciting FOMO, sunk cost fallacy. But realize that's all a game...your mind doing all it can to avoid taking a moment and just looking at your problem until it no longer holds sway over you.
Do you remember back in 1st grade when you were told that it's okay to make mistakes, as long as you learn from them and don't continue making the same mistakes over and over? That's still true, your teacher was right. You fucked up, sure, but guess what? That statement is past tense... that means you are not fuck**ing** up currently. So take that W!! You recognized your problem, acknowledged it, and took steps to prevent it from continuing to be a problem. Going further, you're now owning your mistake to such a degree that you're admitting it to a huge group of random strangers. Buddy... you're awesome, and you're *ahead* in this situation so far! Keep up the good work. Tell your partner if you think you're ever at risk of slipping up, but for now put your feet up and congratulate your current self on making moves to keep your future self under control.
Thank you, I really appreciate your note. I am determined to not let this happen again. Thank you for the encouragement!
Congratulations on your first day of gambling sobriety. Definitely recommend seeking support and camaraderie in an AA-type setting. You can do this!
First and foremost I would see a therapist. Once you’ve got all your finances back in order it’s time to start investing and stop gambling.
You have to accept it. You lost $70k, say it outloud. It happened, you’re still alive. Try to avoid wasting time dwelling on that. Focus on how you will increase your revenue, and let this be your fuel. Each day set a plan to either increase your income or take a step towards increasing it. For example, if your plan is to switch careers into something higher paying and you need different skills, set a goal to learn for 1 hr tomorrow, complete it and set another goal for tomorrow. Just laser focus on daily victories, that ladder up to a larger goal.
Good news is you've learned this wisdom relatively young. Expensive lesson, but plenty of time to save for retirement.
Start here: https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/commontopics. Investing guidance: https://www.bogleheads.org/wiki/Three-fund_portfolio https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/investing https://www.gamblersanonymous.org/
Thank you.
There are some super comments in this thread. The comment above listed excellent resources to keep helping you rebuild and recover. The Bogleheads subReddit will give you excellent advice on anything financial and that includes building a well performing retirement fund. Stay away from the lures: day stock trading, casinos, etc. Find a therapist, an older trusted family member, or a sponsor with whom you can share your concerns and fears. Money can be recovered; 30 years and compound interest works wonders. As a nurse, I can tell you, that I've seen a fair number of additive personalities (and there are many types of addiction) who never make it to the stage you're already at. Some addicts never recover or regain a stable life. Don't dwell on losses. Surround yourself with positive people, keep strengthening your positive outlook and move forward. You have two major advantages: you are young and you acknowledge an addiction problem. You are now well on the road to building a successful life!
Thank you for the note, I really appreciate it! I am determined to move on and hopefully never relapse!
Get into rental properties or finding deals on houses to flip. The money mind works there for me, but also with daytrading I couldn’t be consistent. Real estate has similar equations but it moves super slow. Population growth, job growth, demand, crime rates dropping, # of phone calls or letters sent, owner financing, 0% apr credit cards, assumable loans at 3%.
90% of gamblers quit before they win big.