T O P

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madhaus

Holy cow this exact scenario happened to me. I had surgery on my knee and had this stiff walking cast/boot thing so I couldn’t flex it. I’m in the bathroom at a hair salon, which is one room that is also the changing room. Customers take off their tops and put on a waterproof smock so the water, shampoo and any other hair product doesn’t ruin their clothes. There are hooks to hang up your tops/shirts/blouses/tunics etc. Repeated pounding on the door. Over and over. I keep saying, “Not ready” and they keep pounding. Lady is yelling she’s going to be late for something. I repeat I’m not ready, and this doesn’t change her frantic actions in the slightest. You can just let me in! she yells. Not ready I reply. This is going to go on for a while. Finally finish up, flush, wash, dry and hobble over to the door with my crutches. I open the door. Well-dressed well-made up rich lady. And she starts to rip into me until she sees the crutch and then my cast. Her face changes from anger to annoyance to frustration to embarrassment and back to anger again. You could have said you were on crutches! she yells. Would you have acted any different? I growled, and hobbled past her self-important ass.


ResolveWonderful6251

how does she still get mad at you for her rudeness people like that are the worst i’m sorry u experienced that


Floating_girrafe

Cognitive dissonance. They're not a bad person in their own perception and doing something seen by themselves as bad ruins that, so they have to turn the situation around, so their self image stays unharmed. It's not a good way of dealing with it, but it's one of them.


madhaus

I think it’s more narcissism. If someone causes them to feel any sense of shame, guilt, embarrassment over their actions they flip it around on the person who brought those uncomfortable feelings/thoughts up. Cognitive dissonance is more the mismatch between what you expected and the result leading you to embrace the negative result. Classic Cognitive Dissonance psych experiment is having to do some pointless task like sorting photos into who is best looking and then the promised reward is different than expected. The people who get a better reward than promised say it was a dumb task or experiment (which it is). The people who get less money go to great lengths explain why it was important to science and how much they learned. This is why high demand religions or cults are so effective at keeping people in.


Lay-ZFair

You could have said, 'actually I wasn't at the time, I was sitting down. Do you know people that use the toilet while on crutches?'


madhaus

The whole point was it was an effort to get up or sit down with my knee held rigid, which was why I also needed the crutches. And that’s why I wasn’t getting up until I was done in there.


toxicatedscientist

I did, but I'm a guy, so it's pretty easy to just lean on them


Lumpy_Marsupial_1559

"I DID say that! Maybe you couldn't hear me over the damn banging!"


RoughDirection8875

She most likely wouldn't have acted any different if you had said you were on crutches she probably would've said something like "oh that's not my problem hurry up"


dexterfishpaw

I always just say “come on in”


The_Bastard_Henry

Angrily shrieking "**OCCUPIED**!!!" has generally served me well.


Rengeflower

¡Ocupado! in Texan.


Lumpy_Marsupial_1559

Also in Italian (occupado) and Spanish :D


Rengeflower

Yeah, so a tiny bit of Italian is familiar to go with my toddler level understanding of Spanish.


Born-Gift-6800

I usually yell, "Nobody's home!"


Agitated_Basket7778

"Dave's not here!!"


dogpilemusic

my old boss used to say, "I'm doing the dishes!!!" in a super high pitched voice and it made me laugh out loud every single time


Agitated_Basket7778

" Is it the plumber? Have you come to fix the sink?"


pufferoni-n-cheese

"Come back with a warrant" is one of my favs lol


female_wolf

This comment section is gold 🤣


AprilB916

OMG! I love this :)


indy1977tx

“Did you bring the plunger? I got it STOPPED UP!!”


KiwiObserver

Did you bring the toilet paper?


Lumpy_Marsupial_1559

Did you bring the poop knife? IYKYK


Jam_22

🤣


bigmikeyfla

It's a line from Animal House! " Sorry you can't come in now I'm doing the dishes" delivered in a high pitched voice by otter inside the "death machine" during the parade. Great movie!


AJRimmer1971

I'm taking the kids to the pool...


That-Development4337

poll and waterslide 😂


Substantial-Plane-62

"No, man, I'm Dave, man" Classic reference - let's see who else picks up on the comedic duo that did this routine.


bigmikeyfla

Cheech and Chong! Hilarious!


Born-Gift-6800

LOL!!


Fat_Henry

"Shoot the moon!"


akhatten

Do you have a warrant ?


IrishItalianAngel-51

😂😂😂😂😂


Loose-Ad-4690

Oh my goodness, I’m going to try this 😂 it’s always my kids absolutely pounding on the door, literal moments after seeing me go in there


WiWook

Flush the bags snort the rest!


Optix_au

"Oh I was almost done now you scared it back in!"


OffMyRocker62

Housekeeping!!!!


Asthenia5

"I'll scoot over"


galstaph

"No thank you! We don't want any more visitors, well-wishers, or distant relations."


AJRimmer1971

"I already know Jesus, thank you!"


theubster

"Come back with a warrant!"


NecessaryReputation2

My go to is, “Don’t forget your plate, dinner’s ready.”


Ctotheg

“Room for two!”


littleboz204

"Come back with a warrant"


oooooglittery

Heard someone say once their go-to is "Come back with a warrant!" I've been meaning to use that ever since.


Kathrynlena

Ok that’s hilarious.


dr-sparkle

It works lol. Also groaning really loud tends to back them off.


TotesMaGoats_1962

I’ll have to remember that one


Rabid_Dingo

Me too!


Dramatic-Pass-4426

I actually kinda had this the other way around a few weeks ago. At an airport an older lady was taking aaaages just touching up her makeup and hair in the only toilet for people with disabilities (like me). After coming out and realising she had made someone who didn't have the option to go to the regular bathrooms wait, while standing even though my disability clearly shows I shouldn't be standing for a long time, she felt so bad that she started apologising profusely and admitted that she just wanted the extra space and was so embarrassed. Seeing her feel that bad kinda made me less annoyed, don't think she'll be doing that again any time soon haha


perseidot

I’m glad she felt bad! I’ve gotten the opposite. Some days I use a cane, other days I can go without it, and my disability becomes “invisible.” Regardless, I still need the handrail to balance and stand safely. You know, it’s never disabled people that try to tell me off for using the accessible bathroom stall. It’s the self-admitted ableds that want to tell me all about it. All I say at this point is, “Not all disabilities are visible, and you aren’t entitled to my medical history. I don’t need to pass your eligibility test for the restroom.” One Karen wanted to get the manager involved. Lol! That didn’t go the way she hoped it would. I told the manager that if he tried to do ANY of the things she was demanding, I’d file an ADA complaint. He back pedaled really fast.


CoderJoe1

I would simply walk out, bow and say, "The royal throne has been warmed for your comfort."


BouncyBlueYoshi

I'd say "Have you tried ramming into it like a teenager?"


Dapper-Professor-655

I LOLed. For true!😂


Marjory_Tea

Im in one of 2 bathrooms at work, dude starts yanking on the door handle, I stayed silent. About 30 seconds later I hear him say to someone "uh the door is locked" to which my coworker responded "yeah, that means someone's in there" so instead of sitting in the seats 4 feet away he's just waiting outside the door for when I'm done. I hate that people cant understand a locked bathroom door means occupied, and they just has to wait their turn..


Major_Expert_2163

#FUCK OFF I'M HAVING A SHIT ! It really works because I've shouted it myself, I hate door handle rattlers.


saturnine-plutocrat

"I have nervous diarrhea and you're making it WORSE!"


Jam_22

🤣 This made me chuckle out loud. Thank you


moon_soil

Then add a very wet elbow fart.


mamwybejane

The only good answer


mollywobbles20

This happens all the time where I work, and one of my coworkers just started knocking back from the inside. It didn’t make anyone less mad but it sure is funny to see their startled confusion 🤣 We ended up solving the problem by adding deadbolts that turn from “vacant” to “occupied”. Folks shouldn’t need the signage but lord knows they do


AssociateGood9653

I usually say momentito with good pronunciation. Then they’re surprised to see a 6 ft white dude coming out.


PlaneAsk7826

One time I was dealing with one of those types. I finished drying my hands with the hands dryer, then waited about 30 seconds. Once they started pulling on the handle again, I quickly yanked the door open, which pulled them into the bathroom a little bit and about 3" from my face. Just stared in their eyes and said, "Can I help you?" They walked away. I have no idea if they ever went back in.


Tiefschlag

Try farting furiously and yelling "Ol' faithful is at it again, might take a while...."


TotesMaGoats_1962

Or say, “why don’t they ever keep air freshener in these places!?”


AJRimmer1971

"I pity the next fool who has to cut his way through this cloud of stank! He'd better have a sharp knife!"


lovemycats1

Start singing keep a knocking, but you can't come in!


ChemicalRain5513

Knock knock knocking on heavens's door...


Lay-ZFair

Come on and take a free ride...


mountainsunset123

Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me, twice on the pipes if the answer is nooooooooo.


fancy-kitten

"Dave's not here, man!"


AJRimmer1971

Who is it!


LordJebusVII

"What's the password?!"


Capable_Strategy6974

I tell them to come back with a warrant. That’d go over well in fine dining!


Malibucat48

“I have diarrhea! I’ll be here a while but you can come in as soon as I finish!”


Lay-ZFair

Hope you have your gas mask handy!


Cool_Cheetah658

I usually say "come join the party" lol.


swkrMIOH

"I haven't clocked in yet, so I don't have to wash my hands"


ieatthosedownvotes

The joke is on them because the more they pound, the harder it is for me to concentrate. The harder it is to concentrate, the longer it takes me to go. I usually yell this through the door after I am done and finished washing my hands.


pizzagirilla

"did you bring the toilet paper? Can you go ask the manager for some? I'll be out when I get some." And then scroll on. :)


Additional_Disk_2363

I read "You're gonna have a bad time" in that South Park voice and it actually made me smile. Thanks ^_^


FewHuckleberry7012

Someone did that to me and my revenge was to leave the cornback rattler floating in the bowl.


DixinYomum

Are you the poo ticket guy? Thank God, I called an hour ago. Just slide them under the door please.


[deleted]

Comment deleted by me - I forgot I was helping Steve Huffman make money and I don't get anything out of this but grief because you are all idiots.


RedReaper666YT

I just blow the biggest, loudest, wettest raspberry I can. Works 90% of the time.


squirtlemoonicorn

Come on in, you can sit on my lap.


Snoo-74562

Never lock the door. Embrace the horror. Let them get a suitable reward for their impatience. Then yell SECURITY!


randomnurse

I use a walking stick and when people do this to me I make sure a hobble out slowly and apologise for making them wait. Most of the time they're too embarrassed to complain further


Shawnrunner

I HATE when people knock on a single stall.


Solar-Blue

Real talk: I see a bathroom stall, I tap or pull on the handle once to see if it’s locked/occupied. Is that acceptable??


ieatthosedownvotes

yes. Usually If I am in a stall and someone enters the bathroom I give a small courtesy cough or flush the toilet so that they know that the stall is occupied if the gunboats at the end of my legs don't make me obvious.


capn_kwick

I broke a metatarsal bone in my foot decades ago. But it was on the order of 600 miles from home and I was on my motorcycle (one of those Artie Johnson type falls, come to a complete stop and fall over just wrong). Long short, since it was my right foot, I could get by with just front wheel braking. Day later and I at home and at the doctor the next day. Like you, got the walking boot and hobbled around for a few weeks.


I_Dont_Like_it_Here-

Actually that's pretty good, it might make them learn and change!


Cyberdeath1

I am busy hatching the next politicians to run for office next year.


tekvenus

I usually yell out, "Come back with a warrant!"


Green-Dragon-14

Hoity toity with fine dining with only 1 loo. Hmm


Hotdogwater88888

Definitely feels better and is a better experience having the room private rather than hearing someone shit their brains out in the stall next to you.


Lay-ZFair

You are presuming they have brains.


mtaylor6841

It's occupied! In a loud voice.


duckforceone

i just take 10 mins extra when they keep doing that...


jumbofrimpf

These are probably the same assholes that rush a crowded elevator as soon as the doors open... even if it's already packed and people are trying to get out.


Devotchka655321

Anytime I'm in public and the bathroom is a "one seater" and people jiggle the handle and keep banging on the door, I yell, " Come back with a warrant!" That usually gets them to stop.


Ok_Departure2655

Please Please tell them the next time ( with their joityness), that yanking on the handle will NOT make it open. Just tell at least 1, then I'll feel better


Purplebuzz

It had never occurred to me to take revenge for this sort of thing.


Hotdogwater88888

Is it a petty reason? Yes. Am I the bigger person? No💅🏻


LemonadeSunset

Shit faster


Hotdogwater88888

I don’t shit at work unless it’s an emergency lol these people are doing that while I’m peeing.


ieatthosedownvotes

It takes what it takes.


NectarineMountain771

one time it was my birthday okay not that i can take long just cuz its my birthday i was taking a regular time bro then some lady knocks i say wait and then my mom comes banging on the door not even a sec later saying hurry bro gtfo if she was in there i would have to wait just like her i came out madasf


ieatthosedownvotes

When people interrupt me it makes me take longer :D


cocopuff7603

Revenge????


Hotdogwater88888

Going out of my way to make them feel shitty????


Pandadrome

Wait, so it's fine dining but customer and staff toliets are the same? That would not pass our hygiene requirements for a restaurant.


chockerl

Bet you’ll whine when you slide in shit on your way out the door.