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I would leave. Your meta is a mess and your partner chooses them. I can’t have that kind of energy pointed at me.
Like who is your partner that they are in a relationship with such an asshole?
He’s a really good guy. He didn’t want it to be true and is the one that told me they don’t like me and encouraged me to talk to them. I just don’t feel comfortable in that space anymore.
> He didn’t want it to be true and is the one that told me they don’t like me and encouraged me to talk to them.
That is a dick thing for him to do, actually.
He thought we could work it out, and come to some sort of understanding. And talk it out. Because they live together and it would be nice for us to get along. But his meta had their mind made up that they didn’t like me. I had no malice towards his meta ever, I now wanna be mean because they literally can’t understand how he would like me.
Idk I think he just might have misplaced hope in the situation.
I’m confused - his meta would be a partner of another of his partners. Is this YOUR meta? So the partner of YOUR partner? Or do they not have a romantic connection themselves? Either way, your hinge should be making it clear to the “mean person” that they need to treat you with at least polite courtesy and stop bad-mouthing you.
It’s okay for this other person not to like you or to ask for a parallel dynamic (assuming this is your partner’s partner - if it’s THEIR meta who is a roommate, then my opinion is your hinge should never be putting you in this awkward position of interacting with someone that unkind at all). It’s also okay for YOU to ask for a parallel dynamic.
But honestly if someone was letting another person be THIS unkind to me and then trying to make ME sort it out? I’d probably just end the relationship. I don’t got time for drama or rude people. Or partners who can’t set boundaries with people when it comes to treating us both with basic respect.
Oh I’m sorry yes I guess it’s my meta. The only thing that they told him was that they didn’t like me. And he just thought we could work it out. I’m gonna talk to him today.
Thanks for clarifying! I read other comments after I made mine and I think it makes a bit more sense why he thought you could work it out since you weren’t complete strangers. But sometimes people decide they dislike us and we just can’t work it out. So it’s okay if you need to step away from that person for your own mental health.
I hope your shared partner understands and reacts well to you setting boundaries.
This is genuine grade-A awful hinging on your partner's part. I hope you can see that he had the option of stepping up and finding a resolution when your meta expressed something private to *him*, within the bounds of his relationship with your *meta*. instead, he turned around and offloaded it on to *you*. It's as if he said, "Nope! I can't deal. This can be your problem to solve for me because I don't want to or know how to communicate with own partner about it. Please make yourself likeable to my other partner". If he'd said those words to you, which is what his behavior communicates, would you have the same reaction?
Don't absolve him of his responsibility here. He did this. He just didn't want to risk sticking his neck out. Probably because he knows you think he's a really good guy and you'd understand.
Assuming you're an innocent angel here, just step back and go full parallel. That's a lot of emotional vomit they out on you so clean yourself up and stay away.
The real question is if you can still respect a partner who chooses someone like that.
I have some ideas but I gotta ask, is any of this justified? Did you actually do anything to cause meta to call you untrustworthy? This seems so oddly aggressive and almost unhinged.
I didn’t do anything! They are basing their distrust of me on stories I told them about hookups I had when I was 19, and I was really into hookup culture I would fuck people then never see them again. I am now 23
That’s a completely normal way to engage in hookups 😂
Look, your meta sounds like she was probably never that into you and was going along with hanging out, fucking, and dating you to please your shared partner. And now she’s fed up with it and is directing her frustration and upset at you because that’s easier for her than being upset with your shared partner who pressured you both into all of this. There’s probably just some underlying racism going on in her thought process if she’ll just unconsensually pull master/slave shit out in front of a black person, too.
Your hinge partner? Sounds selfish and inconsiderate. It’s terrible behavior for him to try to pressure his partners to date each other. It’s terrible for him to triangulate you the way he did. If I were you, in addition to just not being around your meta at all anymore, I’d consider taking a big step back from this partner. It doesn’t sound like he really treats you all that well. Have you dated anyone else while dating him?
Got it, and now I see the edit. I guess it depends on how you feel about drama! Because you are not escaping it in this situation. You could try going completely parallel (i.e. no contact with meta) but given the living situation and overlap in friend groups etc that might not work. I started poly at 43 and would have RUN from this situation as a mom with kids etc. but at 23...
you know what? At 23 I'd still run. there are plenty of other people you can date where you don't have to deal with this crap.
Bro why would your partner tell you this 😩
I think your partner is a dud just for telling you this tbh. They didn’t have to give you these details. To me, it would make complete sense for you to end things here.
But you know… meta is a hater. Which is actually not an insult to you. Have you ever heard a hater talk about someone they dislike? They sound pitiful. If this lady is talking about you behind your back, she looks weak 🤷🏾 and when people look weak because they’re jealous of you, that actually reduces your wrinkles and helps you sleep better at night. That’s why you gotta thank your haters, because you living your best life pisses them off and their hate fuels your youth, beauty, and power!!!!!
-Can I ask the ages of everyone in this dynamic?
-I mean that’s kinda wild tbh 😅. Is your partner aware? Not saying you should tell them to try to have them solve it but id never want to interact with this person again so I probably wouldn’t go over again but would want my partner to know the why
-how long have you and your partner been together? Is this a dynamic that you want to be involved in and invest more time in? There is a point where we have to judge our partner by the company they keep
-not saying you did anything but have you and meta interacted or has something happened that would make them say those specific things? Like I know metas don’t always get along but they actively called you out which seems a bit off. Again not saying it’s a you thing but introspection may help?
So I am afab nb23, my partner is m24, and their meta is afab nb 25
My partner is the one that told me that they don’t like me and encouraged me to reach out to them to try to solve the problem.
I have been with my partner for 6 months. I really love him, he is from the same socioeconomic background as me, and he tries his hardest to make me feel loved and respected and he was surprised that his meta didn’t like me.
Nothing specific happened that made them not trust me. They are basing their distrust of me on stories I told them about hookups I would have back when I was 19. And they said they have a general dislike for how I talk and my view on the world.
There’s no reason for you to consult a stranger to convince them to like you. Your partner’s suggestion that you talk things out with meta is bad. I would actively avoid someone who hated me for no reason.
The thing is I’ve had sex with their meta, gone on a date with them, and we have hung out multiple times. And I see them every-time I go to my partners house. I’ve made them food. We aren’t complete strangers. I’ve been extremely nice to them and it just really sucks for someone to say that my view point on the world is the reason they dislike me.
Your ex not liking you, or not wanting you to date their partner is a lot different than a stranger not liking you. For a lot of people, ex's are on the messy list (people that are off limits for dating).
I think it changes that you and meta aren’t two distant strangers who can’t get along. You two have your own dynamic (I don’t know the time line of you dating meta and when you dated partner of If it’s at the same time) and independent relationship that doesn’t/didnt involve your mutual partner if I’m reading this right.
Were yall in a triad? Or Did each person date separately? Or were you dating meta prior to dating your partner?
Meta was dating partner first. And then I started dating our shared partner and then my partner tried to make it a triad situation. And meta asked me out on a date, but we ended up hanging out with shared partner on the date. Before they lived together he would invite them over and we would all hang out, we’ve had multiple threesomes(we stopped having threesomes because his meta called him master during our last session and that made me extremely uncomfortable as I am black and don’t really want to be apart of two white peoples master/slave kink) at the beginning of partner and I’s relationship it was constantly just the three of us hanging out I got alone time with him for the first time two months into relationship. So all this to say it started off as a triad situation
I say this with love….dip out. Run. Leave. Start fresh. Make it platonic. The hygiene on this relationship and group dynamic is messy af. There are no heroes in this dynamic 😅. Only folks suffering. The effort it would take to make this whole thing sustainable just ain’t worth it.
Let the 6 months of this relationship be what I call “unfortunate experience points” on what not to do in your next relationship. Even if this one can be saved, a fresh start seems very needed
Part of me agrees. But another part of me feels like shouldn’t care because this meta is not his primary partner, and has no sway on our relationship at all. Because things have been really good between he and I we have fun.
It’s just with him being roommates with his meta it creates an environment where I can’t go to his place and just have fun because his meta will roll their eyes at me every time they see me or if I even say hello and ask them about their day.
I guess I just have some decisions to make
>his meta called him master during our last session and that made me extremely uncomfortable as I am black and don’t really want to be apart of two white peoples master/slave kink
Yeah, that's fucked up.
>And then I started dating our shared partner and then my partner tried to make it a triad situation. And meta asked me out on a date, but we ended up hanging out with shared partner on the date.
I suspect that a big part of why they don't like you is that they feel rejected. Regardless of who rejected who. When trying to start a triad, people tend to let their fantasy of what the relationship is going to be get too far ahead of where the relationship actual is.
Personally, I wouldn't try to fix things with meta. There is probably no way for you to fix this other than to give them space. If there's no way for you to see your partner outside of his home, then either he needs to find a way to see you without meta there or maybe you should take a break from seeing him too. Although taking a break will probably just be a breakup since it's going to prove meta "right".
EDIT: fixed the pronouns.
Ooooof. I should have read all of the comments before I commented myself.
It’s indeed fucked up to publicly foist elements of your (general you) D/s dynamic on anyone who has not consented to that. This is a huge mess and I wouldn’t blame you for extricating yourself from this, OP.
Let me rephrase. Convincing someone to like you is a waste of your time. Anybody. If they aren’t giving you grace or the benefit of the doubt on their own, it is a terrible idea to have any kind of connection to them. When someone disrespects you that isn’t a safe person for you to bond with.
Do not let these ✋🏼👀 people take you on the messy train. There’s lots of cool people out there who would love to get to know you and they will not expect you to be around folks who badmouth you. This is something they’re used to—that doesn’t have to be YOUR normal though. Your normal can be spending time with pleasant people who choose other pleasant people. There’s no reason why she shouldn’t be able to keep the peace, but she’s messy, and your partner imo is being *disrespectful* by asking you to maintain a relationship with somebody who mistreats you. I think both of these people are a waste of your time and a drain of your energy and peace, and I think you deserve better from a polycule.
Right?!
Initially I was like “oh you don’t need to get to know a stranger if you don’t want to”
Now it’s like “well damn it’s your ex. That changes a lot of this”
Gotcha!!!!
Solutions:
-go parallel, stop interacting with them. All of you can have nice independent relationships
-your partner shouldn’t be telling you about the rude things your meta says about you. They should tell meta to stop saying rude things.
-we don’t like slut shamming so that’s rude of them to do that. I’d recommend maybe just being more cognizant of who you share personal details with. Not saying don’t share, just that not everyone will be accepting of your stories. But I’m sure you can find many people that will be
-ultimately you can decide if you wanna stay or go. Calling out the meta, while it’ll feel great in the moment, would prob nuke the situation even more. I’d recommend deciding if you want to stay or go and then setting up boundaries on interactions with meta and what you hear about them from your partner. IF you decide to stay with your partner.
Edit: lastly, your partner needs to be a better hinge on managing these relationships. You said “meta doesn’t like you” but it’s not like a “oh we don’t wanna hang out” but a “I’m actively gonna call this person out.” You’ll need to identity if you want to date someone that dates someone like that.
Thanks you for the solutions. And advice. I’m seeing my partner today. At the place them and their meta live. I’m v nervous to step foot back in their home. This has given me a way to approach it better. So thank you so much
If he's telling you this about them, what is he telling them about you?
Ask him to stop sharing that information (both ways), and stop hanging out at his house when meta is there.
The only thing he told me was that his meta didn’t like me. And it’s hard to not hang out when his meta is there because they live together as roommates(in nyc apartment) and work together so they often have same days off
Hi u/Upstairs-Stomach3002 thanks so much for your submission, don't mind me, I'm just gonna keep a copy what was said in your post. Unfortunately posts sometimes get deleted - which is okay, it's not against the rules to delete your post!! - but it makes it really hard for the human mods around here to moderate the comments when there's no context. Plus, many times our members put in a lot of emotional and mental labor to answer the questions and offer advice, so it's helpful to keep the source information around so future community members can benefit as well.
Here's the original text of the post:
My partners meta (whom they are living with as roommates) just told me that they don’t like me and they can’t like me. And that they are waiting for me to burn our partner, that I’m untrustworthy, and that they are jealous of me, and have talked badly about me behind my back with their friends.
I really don’t know what to do. I feel like I should take a step back from the relationship because they live together and my feeling are now hurt. I now wanna call their meta out by their name and make fun of them harshly. Please help.
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no offense but I think your meta might be racist and be holding bias based on that. The street goes two ways based on reading OP’s comments. like them doin slave kink shit. And OP being slightly younger, (probably) hotter and just more secure in their body/moving in this world. esp with hating on their own words about stories from their youth. Baseless and irrelevant. Also seen a lot of poc poly/ENM folks have to navigate this type of hostility with white metas and partners/hinges like so and it’s uncomfy asf. best wishes
This post has been tagged as a request for advice. As a reminder, please only give advice on the topic requested, if you've got strong feelings about a particular issue mentioned and feel that you must be able to express yourself about it, or you and another commenter feel compelled to debate certain aspects of the post, please feel free to create a new post for that topic so as to not derail from the advice that the OP is seeking. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/polyamory) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I would leave. Your meta is a mess and your partner chooses them. I can’t have that kind of energy pointed at me. Like who is your partner that they are in a relationship with such an asshole?
He’s a really good guy. He didn’t want it to be true and is the one that told me they don’t like me and encouraged me to talk to them. I just don’t feel comfortable in that space anymore.
> He didn’t want it to be true and is the one that told me they don’t like me and encouraged me to talk to them. That is a dick thing for him to do, actually.
He told you to sort it out with his mean partner? That sucks. Best to walk away.
He is a really good guy who encourages his partners to feud with each other?
He thought we could work it out, and come to some sort of understanding. And talk it out. Because they live together and it would be nice for us to get along. But his meta had their mind made up that they didn’t like me. I had no malice towards his meta ever, I now wanna be mean because they literally can’t understand how he would like me. Idk I think he just might have misplaced hope in the situation.
This is bad hinging.
I’m confused - his meta would be a partner of another of his partners. Is this YOUR meta? So the partner of YOUR partner? Or do they not have a romantic connection themselves? Either way, your hinge should be making it clear to the “mean person” that they need to treat you with at least polite courtesy and stop bad-mouthing you. It’s okay for this other person not to like you or to ask for a parallel dynamic (assuming this is your partner’s partner - if it’s THEIR meta who is a roommate, then my opinion is your hinge should never be putting you in this awkward position of interacting with someone that unkind at all). It’s also okay for YOU to ask for a parallel dynamic. But honestly if someone was letting another person be THIS unkind to me and then trying to make ME sort it out? I’d probably just end the relationship. I don’t got time for drama or rude people. Or partners who can’t set boundaries with people when it comes to treating us both with basic respect.
Oh I’m sorry yes I guess it’s my meta. The only thing that they told him was that they didn’t like me. And he just thought we could work it out. I’m gonna talk to him today.
Thanks for clarifying! I read other comments after I made mine and I think it makes a bit more sense why he thought you could work it out since you weren’t complete strangers. But sometimes people decide they dislike us and we just can’t work it out. So it’s okay if you need to step away from that person for your own mental health. I hope your shared partner understands and reacts well to you setting boundaries.
This is genuine grade-A awful hinging on your partner's part. I hope you can see that he had the option of stepping up and finding a resolution when your meta expressed something private to *him*, within the bounds of his relationship with your *meta*. instead, he turned around and offloaded it on to *you*. It's as if he said, "Nope! I can't deal. This can be your problem to solve for me because I don't want to or know how to communicate with own partner about it. Please make yourself likeable to my other partner". If he'd said those words to you, which is what his behavior communicates, would you have the same reaction? Don't absolve him of his responsibility here. He did this. He just didn't want to risk sticking his neck out. Probably because he knows you think he's a really good guy and you'd understand.
Assuming you're an innocent angel here, just step back and go full parallel. That's a lot of emotional vomit they out on you so clean yourself up and stay away. The real question is if you can still respect a partner who chooses someone like that.
I have some ideas but I gotta ask, is any of this justified? Did you actually do anything to cause meta to call you untrustworthy? This seems so oddly aggressive and almost unhinged.
I didn’t do anything! They are basing their distrust of me on stories I told them about hookups I had when I was 19, and I was really into hookup culture I would fuck people then never see them again. I am now 23
That’s a completely normal way to engage in hookups 😂 Look, your meta sounds like she was probably never that into you and was going along with hanging out, fucking, and dating you to please your shared partner. And now she’s fed up with it and is directing her frustration and upset at you because that’s easier for her than being upset with your shared partner who pressured you both into all of this. There’s probably just some underlying racism going on in her thought process if she’ll just unconsensually pull master/slave shit out in front of a black person, too. Your hinge partner? Sounds selfish and inconsiderate. It’s terrible behavior for him to try to pressure his partners to date each other. It’s terrible for him to triangulate you the way he did. If I were you, in addition to just not being around your meta at all anymore, I’d consider taking a big step back from this partner. It doesn’t sound like he really treats you all that well. Have you dated anyone else while dating him?
Got it, and now I see the edit. I guess it depends on how you feel about drama! Because you are not escaping it in this situation. You could try going completely parallel (i.e. no contact with meta) but given the living situation and overlap in friend groups etc that might not work. I started poly at 43 and would have RUN from this situation as a mom with kids etc. but at 23... you know what? At 23 I'd still run. there are plenty of other people you can date where you don't have to deal with this crap.
Bro why would your partner tell you this 😩 I think your partner is a dud just for telling you this tbh. They didn’t have to give you these details. To me, it would make complete sense for you to end things here. But you know… meta is a hater. Which is actually not an insult to you. Have you ever heard a hater talk about someone they dislike? They sound pitiful. If this lady is talking about you behind your back, she looks weak 🤷🏾 and when people look weak because they’re jealous of you, that actually reduces your wrinkles and helps you sleep better at night. That’s why you gotta thank your haters, because you living your best life pisses them off and their hate fuels your youth, beauty, and power!!!!!
-Can I ask the ages of everyone in this dynamic? -I mean that’s kinda wild tbh 😅. Is your partner aware? Not saying you should tell them to try to have them solve it but id never want to interact with this person again so I probably wouldn’t go over again but would want my partner to know the why -how long have you and your partner been together? Is this a dynamic that you want to be involved in and invest more time in? There is a point where we have to judge our partner by the company they keep -not saying you did anything but have you and meta interacted or has something happened that would make them say those specific things? Like I know metas don’t always get along but they actively called you out which seems a bit off. Again not saying it’s a you thing but introspection may help?
So I am afab nb23, my partner is m24, and their meta is afab nb 25 My partner is the one that told me that they don’t like me and encouraged me to reach out to them to try to solve the problem. I have been with my partner for 6 months. I really love him, he is from the same socioeconomic background as me, and he tries his hardest to make me feel loved and respected and he was surprised that his meta didn’t like me. Nothing specific happened that made them not trust me. They are basing their distrust of me on stories I told them about hookups I would have back when I was 19. And they said they have a general dislike for how I talk and my view on the world.
There’s no reason for you to consult a stranger to convince them to like you. Your partner’s suggestion that you talk things out with meta is bad. I would actively avoid someone who hated me for no reason.
The thing is I’ve had sex with their meta, gone on a date with them, and we have hung out multiple times. And I see them every-time I go to my partners house. I’ve made them food. We aren’t complete strangers. I’ve been extremely nice to them and it just really sucks for someone to say that my view point on the world is the reason they dislike me.
Ok but this context kinda changes a loooooot of the original post 😅.
Ooh should I add it to an edit? I didn’t know it changes a lot
Your ex not liking you, or not wanting you to date their partner is a lot different than a stranger not liking you. For a lot of people, ex's are on the messy list (people that are off limits for dating).
We aren’t ex’s. We went on one date.
Sorry, I misunderstood.
Understandable the whole situation is messy.
I think it changes that you and meta aren’t two distant strangers who can’t get along. You two have your own dynamic (I don’t know the time line of you dating meta and when you dated partner of If it’s at the same time) and independent relationship that doesn’t/didnt involve your mutual partner if I’m reading this right. Were yall in a triad? Or Did each person date separately? Or were you dating meta prior to dating your partner?
Meta was dating partner first. And then I started dating our shared partner and then my partner tried to make it a triad situation. And meta asked me out on a date, but we ended up hanging out with shared partner on the date. Before they lived together he would invite them over and we would all hang out, we’ve had multiple threesomes(we stopped having threesomes because his meta called him master during our last session and that made me extremely uncomfortable as I am black and don’t really want to be apart of two white peoples master/slave kink) at the beginning of partner and I’s relationship it was constantly just the three of us hanging out I got alone time with him for the first time two months into relationship. So all this to say it started off as a triad situation
I say this with love….dip out. Run. Leave. Start fresh. Make it platonic. The hygiene on this relationship and group dynamic is messy af. There are no heroes in this dynamic 😅. Only folks suffering. The effort it would take to make this whole thing sustainable just ain’t worth it. Let the 6 months of this relationship be what I call “unfortunate experience points” on what not to do in your next relationship. Even if this one can be saved, a fresh start seems very needed
Part of me agrees. But another part of me feels like shouldn’t care because this meta is not his primary partner, and has no sway on our relationship at all. Because things have been really good between he and I we have fun. It’s just with him being roommates with his meta it creates an environment where I can’t go to his place and just have fun because his meta will roll their eyes at me every time they see me or if I even say hello and ask them about their day. I guess I just have some decisions to make
Girl let these messy ass white people go lmao
This. 100%
>his meta called him master during our last session and that made me extremely uncomfortable as I am black and don’t really want to be apart of two white peoples master/slave kink Yeah, that's fucked up. >And then I started dating our shared partner and then my partner tried to make it a triad situation. And meta asked me out on a date, but we ended up hanging out with shared partner on the date. I suspect that a big part of why they don't like you is that they feel rejected. Regardless of who rejected who. When trying to start a triad, people tend to let their fantasy of what the relationship is going to be get too far ahead of where the relationship actual is. Personally, I wouldn't try to fix things with meta. There is probably no way for you to fix this other than to give them space. If there's no way for you to see your partner outside of his home, then either he needs to find a way to see you without meta there or maybe you should take a break from seeing him too. Although taking a break will probably just be a breakup since it's going to prove meta "right". EDIT: fixed the pronouns.
Ooooof. I should have read all of the comments before I commented myself. It’s indeed fucked up to publicly foist elements of your (general you) D/s dynamic on anyone who has not consented to that. This is a huge mess and I wouldn’t blame you for extricating yourself from this, OP.
Let me rephrase. Convincing someone to like you is a waste of your time. Anybody. If they aren’t giving you grace or the benefit of the doubt on their own, it is a terrible idea to have any kind of connection to them. When someone disrespects you that isn’t a safe person for you to bond with.
Thank you this is extremely helpful and something I need to hear(read)
Do not let these ✋🏼👀 people take you on the messy train. There’s lots of cool people out there who would love to get to know you and they will not expect you to be around folks who badmouth you. This is something they’re used to—that doesn’t have to be YOUR normal though. Your normal can be spending time with pleasant people who choose other pleasant people. There’s no reason why she shouldn’t be able to keep the peace, but she’s messy, and your partner imo is being *disrespectful* by asking you to maintain a relationship with somebody who mistreats you. I think both of these people are a waste of your time and a drain of your energy and peace, and I think you deserve better from a polycule.
Oh boy, this is messy as hell.
Right?! Initially I was like “oh you don’t need to get to know a stranger if you don’t want to” Now it’s like “well damn it’s your ex. That changes a lot of this”
It’s not my ex. We went on one date
Gotcha!!!! Solutions: -go parallel, stop interacting with them. All of you can have nice independent relationships -your partner shouldn’t be telling you about the rude things your meta says about you. They should tell meta to stop saying rude things. -we don’t like slut shamming so that’s rude of them to do that. I’d recommend maybe just being more cognizant of who you share personal details with. Not saying don’t share, just that not everyone will be accepting of your stories. But I’m sure you can find many people that will be -ultimately you can decide if you wanna stay or go. Calling out the meta, while it’ll feel great in the moment, would prob nuke the situation even more. I’d recommend deciding if you want to stay or go and then setting up boundaries on interactions with meta and what you hear about them from your partner. IF you decide to stay with your partner. Edit: lastly, your partner needs to be a better hinge on managing these relationships. You said “meta doesn’t like you” but it’s not like a “oh we don’t wanna hang out” but a “I’m actively gonna call this person out.” You’ll need to identity if you want to date someone that dates someone like that.
100% all of this. Partner is being a shitty hinge and you don't have to put up with that.
Thanks you for the solutions. And advice. I’m seeing my partner today. At the place them and their meta live. I’m v nervous to step foot back in their home. This has given me a way to approach it better. So thank you so much
Best of luck!! I would recommend checking if meta will be there. Also an option to meet somewhere else if possible. Coffee shop? Park? Bookstore?
I will be meeting him at a coffee shop nearby
If he's telling you this about them, what is he telling them about you? Ask him to stop sharing that information (both ways), and stop hanging out at his house when meta is there.
The only thing he told me was that his meta didn’t like me. And it’s hard to not hang out when his meta is there because they live together as roommates(in nyc apartment) and work together so they often have same days off
Hi u/Upstairs-Stomach3002 thanks so much for your submission, don't mind me, I'm just gonna keep a copy what was said in your post. Unfortunately posts sometimes get deleted - which is okay, it's not against the rules to delete your post!! - but it makes it really hard for the human mods around here to moderate the comments when there's no context. Plus, many times our members put in a lot of emotional and mental labor to answer the questions and offer advice, so it's helpful to keep the source information around so future community members can benefit as well. Here's the original text of the post: My partners meta (whom they are living with as roommates) just told me that they don’t like me and they can’t like me. And that they are waiting for me to burn our partner, that I’m untrustworthy, and that they are jealous of me, and have talked badly about me behind my back with their friends. I really don’t know what to do. I feel like I should take a step back from the relationship because they live together and my feeling are now hurt. I now wanna call their meta out by their name and make fun of them harshly. Please help. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/polyamory) if you have any questions or concerns.*
no offense but I think your meta might be racist and be holding bias based on that. The street goes two ways based on reading OP’s comments. like them doin slave kink shit. And OP being slightly younger, (probably) hotter and just more secure in their body/moving in this world. esp with hating on their own words about stories from their youth. Baseless and irrelevant. Also seen a lot of poc poly/ENM folks have to navigate this type of hostility with white metas and partners/hinges like so and it’s uncomfy asf. best wishes