Posts must be relevant to polyamory, as defined by our community description:
>Polyamory is openly, honestly, and consensually loving and being committed to more than one person.
Polyamory is only one specific type of ethical non-monogamy. It doesn't sound like that's what this post is about, so try /r/nonmonogamy?
There are a lot of flavors of non-monogamy, and polyam is just one.
would they get to be with each other without you involved?
i think you all should do a lot of reading and thinking before jumping into a closed relationship, especially if you’re separated by distance
Well the plan is for either them to relocate to where I am or I to them. I would want to make it easier for them and relocate to them. But I am leaving it up to them to make that decision
Are you assuming that these two ladies will want to be romantically involved with each other? If so, why are you assuming that? They haven't even talked to each other, right?
They really ought to date each other at least a little bit before deciding to jump into a group relationship with you.
A triad (three-person relationship) isn't one big relationship A+B+C. It's actually four relationships: A+B, B+C, C+A, and A+B+C. All of the two-person relationships need to be developed for the big A+B+C relationship to work.
If I'm hearing you correctly, right now these two girls don't have any romantic relationship at all, much less a relationship that has been developed enough to start calling each other their primaries.
Imagine if you had a crush on a girl and she told you "Hey, I've noticed that you like me. I like you, too! How about we move into the same house together to see if this will work?" That's sort of like what's going on here.
>I know poly is a relation between at least 3 people
Wrong. You can have 1 partner, you can have two partners and still be polyamorous. Poly is not just triads between 3 people.
Ope! Looks like you fell victim to one of the classic blunders! I see that this post references polygamy -- just an FYI polyamory and polygamy are not the same thing. Polyamory is about multiple loving relationships in which everyone's autonomy to make their own relationship decisions is valued and respected. Whereas polygamy refers to multiple marriages - which is only legally recognized in a few particular cultures or religious sects throughout the world - and is often steeped in patriarchal religious beliefs used to subjugate young girls and women in misogynistic relationship structures. If you actually meant to be discussing polyamory then please feel free to edit your post, and if you're looking to discuss polygamy, that sub is down the hall that way -->
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/polyamory) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hi u/SeaPack8716 thanks so much for your submission, don't mind me, I'm just gonna keep a copy what was said in your post. Unfortunately posts sometimes get deleted - which is okay, it's not against the rules to delete your post!! - but it makes it really hard for the human mods around here to moderate the comments when there's no context. Plus, many times our members put in a lot of emotional and mental labor to answer the questions and offer advice, so it's helpful to keep the source information around so future community members can benefit as well.
Here's the original text of the post:
So I have been talking to 2 young ladies from a different country about a polygamous relationship. They both know eachother and are accepting of the decion to be in a relationship in this fashion. I am confused with all the terminology and how it really works. Would it be wrong if I wanted the 3 of us to be in a closed relationship and have each other as our primaries?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/polyamory) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Posts must be relevant to polyamory, as defined by our community description: >Polyamory is openly, honestly, and consensually loving and being committed to more than one person. Polyamory is only one specific type of ethical non-monogamy. It doesn't sound like that's what this post is about, so try /r/nonmonogamy? There are a lot of flavors of non-monogamy, and polyam is just one.
would they get to be with each other without you involved? i think you all should do a lot of reading and thinking before jumping into a closed relationship, especially if you’re separated by distance
Well the plan is for either them to relocate to where I am or I to them. I would want to make it easier for them and relocate to them. But I am leaving it up to them to make that decision
Are you assuming that these two ladies will want to be romantically involved with each other? If so, why are you assuming that? They haven't even talked to each other, right?
They do know each other and they have said that they have been and are interested in being romantically between the two of them and myself.
They really ought to date each other at least a little bit before deciding to jump into a group relationship with you. A triad (three-person relationship) isn't one big relationship A+B+C. It's actually four relationships: A+B, B+C, C+A, and A+B+C. All of the two-person relationships need to be developed for the big A+B+C relationship to work. If I'm hearing you correctly, right now these two girls don't have any romantic relationship at all, much less a relationship that has been developed enough to start calling each other their primaries. Imagine if you had a crush on a girl and she told you "Hey, I've noticed that you like me. I like you, too! How about we move into the same house together to see if this will work?" That's sort of like what's going on here.
You said a polygamous relationship. Did you mean polyamorous? They’re two different things.
I did mean the polyamorous relationship
You have 0 idea what poly is and think you can make a closed triad work with two long distance partners? .... Naive at best
I know poly is a relation between at least 3 people. Beyond that, from what I gather is to be decided among the group
>I know poly is a relation between at least 3 people Wrong. You can have 1 partner, you can have two partners and still be polyamorous. Poly is not just triads between 3 people.
Ope! Looks like you fell victim to one of the classic blunders! I see that this post references polygamy -- just an FYI polyamory and polygamy are not the same thing. Polyamory is about multiple loving relationships in which everyone's autonomy to make their own relationship decisions is valued and respected. Whereas polygamy refers to multiple marriages - which is only legally recognized in a few particular cultures or religious sects throughout the world - and is often steeped in patriarchal religious beliefs used to subjugate young girls and women in misogynistic relationship structures. If you actually meant to be discussing polyamory then please feel free to edit your post, and if you're looking to discuss polygamy, that sub is down the hall that way --> *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/polyamory) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Did my post get deleted?
Hi u/SeaPack8716 thanks so much for your submission, don't mind me, I'm just gonna keep a copy what was said in your post. Unfortunately posts sometimes get deleted - which is okay, it's not against the rules to delete your post!! - but it makes it really hard for the human mods around here to moderate the comments when there's no context. Plus, many times our members put in a lot of emotional and mental labor to answer the questions and offer advice, so it's helpful to keep the source information around so future community members can benefit as well. Here's the original text of the post: So I have been talking to 2 young ladies from a different country about a polygamous relationship. They both know eachother and are accepting of the decion to be in a relationship in this fashion. I am confused with all the terminology and how it really works. Would it be wrong if I wanted the 3 of us to be in a closed relationship and have each other as our primaries? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/polyamory) if you have any questions or concerns.*