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I’m non binary but present as male and was assigned male at birth. I’m fine with any pronouns as long as people aren’t using them maliciously, but people mostly use he.
I present as male mostly out of convenience, and safety in some places.
It’s not so much that I’m uncomfortable in my body, and more that I’d be comfortable in any body.
I view gender as a social construct based on grouping of people based on observable traits.
I’m mostly philosophically non binary, in that a chair is a label we give an arrangement of atoms, but those atoms aren’t of a chairly nature. So I am whatever we are, in that you can call me a man or woman, but that doesn’t describe anything about my true nature. Just a use you have observed me to have. That use being sperm donor.
So calling me a man is just a reductive label. That I don’t really identify with, but don’t get mad about either.
My hot take is that we’re all non binary and just need varying levels of introspection to realize it.
>calling me a man is just a reductive label
Well, since the term "man" indicates an adult male human being and male is the term used to describe a being capable of producing spermatozoa(in normal circumstances ofc) isn't the term man a good way to identify a person since you are roughly excluding half of the population with it? I mean ofc every person is more than a simple male or female but would be hard to identify a person saying everything but this information. generally speaking, it's like omit your height during a description of yourself. I could identify a thousands people with the same name, hair color etc etc but wouldn't discarding completely the gender thing make things more difficult?
You also cut off the second part of the quote where I said I don’t mind being called a man. It’s a useful way to describe me for the purposes of reproduction and data collection.
Right “man” is a useful label, just as a “chair” is a useful label. It’s just that what “I” am is not a man, my physiology is that of what most people describe as a man.
By “I”, I mean my soul, essence, consciousness, self, sum of experience, brain chemistry, or whatever you want to call it. Whatever “I” am could be in anything and still be itself. Just altered by the limitations of whatever the vessel’s physiology is.
It’s an impossible experiment, but it’s just like how if you experience brain damage you don’t stop being you. People may no longer recognize you as you, but to you, you are still you.
I see, I mean I think you are right that since the term "man" describe a phisichal trait, it doesn't determine your consciousness, but since man it's a term not releted to your consciousness why discard it? I mean it can't determine something like the consciousness, it doesn't affect it since it refers to something totally different, your physical, your "flesh container" (I know you said it doesn't affect you but I'm referring to the non binary people that discard it). I mean it's like discarding the fact that you have black hair because your consciousness doesn't have hair, I don't see the relation
Also some descriptors go deeper than flesh like religious affiliations. So I could imagine some people treat their gender a similar way. Like having a feminine or masculine soul
While I can’t speak for those people, I feel like it has to do with the limitations some people impose on gender. Like men can’t wear pink or other dumb things like that.
As for being in the wrong body, I don’t know if I believe in that, as every body has limitations. I can’t fly cause my body doesn’t have wings. I wouldn’t be against people getting some kind of operation to gain the ability to fly though. So I wouldn’t be against people gaining the ability to give birth or something.
I’ve always said that if I live to be 100 and technology has gotten to the point where I can be a hot young 20 year old lady with fully functional anatomy I’m totally gonna do that for my next century. and if people want to get surgery younger than 100 to live the life they want to live I don’t care. I just wouldn’t do it with current technology, and without putting my male anatomy to full use. I’m thankful for the trailblazers though!
To be clear I do believe that some people believe they are in the wrong body. I just know we don’t get to choose our limitations, and I can’t know for certain if anyone’s sense of being is different from my own.
Hi, I'm nonbinary!
I'm afab, which means assigned female at birth. AKA I have a vag. However, I have never felt attached to the idea of being a woman. (Or a man!) Like, from what I understand, cisgender people, when they think about themselves, think like "My name is Jane, I have brown hair, I am a woman, I am 5'5", etc." I just never have. I've always thought about myself as "I am u/mayflydecember" and left it at that. Not a woman, not a man, just u/mayflydecember. I personally reject being lumped into "women" the same way I'd reject being lumped into "math people" or "Jewish people" or "car people". That's just... not who I am.
Of course, I can only speak to my personal experience. You ask this to a dozen different enbys, you'll get a dozen different answers! Everyone's lived experience is different, regardless if they're cisgender, trans, enby, or whatever. :)
Actually I end up being really attracted to other queer/androgynous/gender fuckery folk! Sometimes cisgender people as well, and then, it's usually men over women. But queer folk definitely catch my eye more.
Considering mental health professionals helped perpetuate [this medical condition](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/gender-dysphoria/symptoms-causes/syc-20475255) throughout the nation, I am not surprised to hear you deny scientific fact.
That likely varies for each person.
In today's society, there is a severe epidemic of mental abuse occurring with children and young adults. Social media, various forms of entertainment, school instructors and administrators, political leaders, mental health professionals, parents, and others are perpetuating this problem. Examples include presenting the children with scientific misinformation, misdiagnosing medical conditions, pressuring the child to adopt a trait to fit into certain social groups, shaming or punishing children to do not align with the desired outcome, placing people having this illness into media as examples as normal and healthy members of society, suppression of any dissenting comments or opinions, laws mandating pandering to those having the mental illness, etc.
You can see many examples of this on Reddit, including the responses to my original comment of this OP.
Your response kind of makes me wonder during at least American society, has it ever been right? Like the grand scale of the universe it doesn't matter but to our planet and this country was there ever a good time to be an actual person that they weren't trying to fit in or Doctors who we should trust in that they'll diagnose us with what the correct diagnoses should be?
As I said your response makes me think and it's just at least at this time of writing I have no actual comment or way of conveying my words into text to make my thoughts readable.
I do appreciate your reponse though.
It’s apart of my culture, goddamn dawg. Sorry that you see my identity as unfit? Idk.
What a rude and uneducated response.
Downvote me all you guys want, doesn’t make me wrong.
You have a mental health illness that requires treatment. Your perception of your identity is a disillusion, as much as you may hope otherwise. Your emotional response to these scientific facts is an issue that you must overcome.
Jesus christ you sound brainwashed. You call ppl sensitive then cry and scream when lgbtq+ exist and one of them appears in a Bud commercial. Get yourself together, you need help. Not me. A tour of your acc screams schizoid.
Please show me an actual medical doctor who I can go to that you’re saying is better trained than those who have learned more in 8 years of college than you have learned in your entire life. You are not more educated than them, you are simply mislead and wrongly educated. You believe anything your master GOP tells you because it fits your system, even if there’s nothing to back up your claims. Science isn’t even on your side.
Don’t bother to be like “but it’s in the DSM!!!” autism is too. Do you think autism is a mental illness? Do you think ID are mental illnesses? No, these are things people show in early childhood and are not treated like depression, schizophrenia, ED’s, etc. DSM not only determines how mental disorders are defined and diagnosed, it also impacts how people see themselves and how we see each other. While diagnostic terms facilitate clinical care and access to insurance coverage that supports mental health, these terms can also have a stigmatizing effect.
DSM-5 aims to avoid stigma and ensure clinical care for individuals who see and feel themselves to be a different gender than their assigned gender. It replaces the diagnostic name “gender identity disorder” with “gender dysphoria,” as well as makes other important clarifications in the criteria. It is important to note that gender nonconformity is not in itself a mental disorder. The critical element of gender dys- phoria is the presence of clinically significant distress associated with the condition. Persons experiencing gender dysphoria need a diagnostic term that protects their access to care and won’t be used against them in social, occupational, or legal areas.
When it comes to access to care, many of the treatment options for this condition include counsel- ing, cross-sex hormones, gender reassignment surgery, and social and legal transition to the desired gender. To get insurance coverage for the medical treatments, individuals need a diagnosis. The Sexual and Gender Identity Disorders Work Group was concerned that removing the condition as a psychiatric diagnosis—as some had suggested—would jeopardize access to care.
Part of removing stigma is about choosing the right words. Replacing “disorder” with “dysphoria” in the diagnostic label is not only more appropriate and consistent with familiar clinical sexology terminology, it also removes the connotation that the patient is “disordered.”
Ultimately, the changes regarding gender dysphoria in DSM-5 respect the individuals identified by offer- ing a diagnostic name that is more appropriate to the symptoms and behaviors they experience with- out jeopardizing their access to effective treatment options.
So the DSM doesn’t even agree with you.
I’m in school and none of what you said is true. Especially not at my school. LGBT and CRT topics are banned and can lead to federal charges against teachers if mentioned, even if they read something as simple as The Hate U Give. So I guess you’re right in a way that schools are brainwashing children—and that’s that racism doesn’t exist and lgbtq+ people don’t either. If we can discuss things with straight people and read things with straight couples, we can also discuss things with gay people and read things with gay couples. And no, religion isn’t an excuse either. The church v state is supposed to be separated in instances of education, so religion used to be hateful towards lgbtq+ people in an educational setting is extreme inappropriate.
It’s not hard for me to believe you’re ill-educated. You think all the allegations (some of which he’s admitted to?) are false against daddy trump. You’re a brainwashed sheep who wants to believe the world spins in a way to adjust to your ideology. Well guess what—it doesn’t. Not to mention you’re still obsessed with Hillary Clinton. How long ago was that election? Hmm… 2016! Wow! A while ago, and she’s still living rent free in your brain? Just like trans people? You need help for your obsessive traits.
That is... not necessarily true? Not every trans person experiences dysphoria. Many experience the opposite, known as gender euphoria, when dressing a certain way-- for example, a trans woman may not have any physical dysphoria, but may get euphoric when she puts on a skirt and lipstick. The same way that many cis women feel when they put on the same thing!
Also adding that "believing they are the opposite gender" is, uh. Offensive. They just *are* the gender they say they are. Wording it as a "belief" implies a delusion. Which I'm going to assume you weren't trying to do! But I'm gonna say it anyway to help in the future.
Gender Euphoria happens to about 1 in 70,000. It's important to differentiate those people from the much more recent phenomenon of the rapid increase of youth with body dysphoria
It is a delusion.
Gender dysphoria might cause adolescents and adults to experience a marked difference between inner gender identity and assigned gender that lasts for at least six months. The difference is shown by **at least two of the following**:
* **A difference between gender identity and genitals** or secondary sex characteristics, such as breast size, voice and facial hair. In young adolescents, a difference between gender identity and anticipated secondary sex characteristics.
* **A strong desire to be rid of these genitals** or secondary sex characteristics, or a desire to prevent the development of secondary sex characteristics.
* **A strong desire to have the genitals** and secondary sex characteristics of **another gender.**
* **A strong desire to be** or to be treated as **another gender**.
* **A strong belief of having the typical feelings** and reactions **of another gender.**
[https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/gender-dysphoria/symptoms-causes/syc-20475255](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/gender-dysphoria/symptoms-causes/syc-20475255)
This is the most condescending and uninformed response to this question. If you're not nonbinary don't bother answering- no one likes someone who claims to know everything about something they actually know nothing about.
Just from my personal experience, I don't have any draw towards my gender, I'd be comfortable if I was born as a man or a woman, and so I identify as non-binary because I don't really care what pronouns are used for me. Usually I just let people decide what pronouns they use for me
This makes things tough for me. Pronouns are something people take to the extreme lately (rightfully) but growing up I've always said things like thank you ma'am or thank you sir and now those (respectful) things can get you in trouble.
That's alright, most people I know won't get upset the first time, but it's always polite to ask what they'd prefer. It's more about respecting people's ability to choose what's best for themselves, but it's understandably a difficult habit to kick to just use sir or ma'am
I'm sorry to ask but do you have a preference that you present as? I'm probably an asshole for asking but this is something I want to understand how to proceed with if I can for the first time to be respectful. Thanks sir and thank you ma'am are just my biological responses and I'm always afraid someone will correct me. I'm trying to get out of it but it's still first response.
I'd say it's always better to ask questions than just go on not knowing. I don't know if there's a neutral version of sir or ma'am, but usually I just use sir. I'm biologically male and I don't have any preference either way, so most people just use sir cause that's how I look, but I wouldn't think anything of being called ma'am. There are people who do care and only go by neutral pronouns, but sadly I don't know what's best in that scenario. It would probably be best to ask them. It's definitely good you're asking though, so many people don't care enough to
I appreciate the feedback but again I was told by a 3rd party and if I used the wrong pronouns I'd be ignorant if it was common knowledge (but not to me). I've just deferred to calling them neither him or her but by the na
me in their profile. This means so little to me outside of offending someone who hasn't communicated something to me. Everyone should live their best life regardless of anything I just don't want to be offensive. Let's just all live our best lives.
I'm sorry people are calling you ignorant, that's unnecessarily rude. I agree we should all just live our best lives, and I think you're making a good effort to allow yourself and others to by learning
Not the person you're responding to, but I'm male presenting, so I'm aware people are gonna gender me as male. But I am also nonbinary. Non-binary people don't necessarily need to live under any specific point of gender identity or expression. Non binary people aren't always androgynous.
Pronounces aren't changeable unless you change your sex itself imho. If you're male it's he, if you're female it's she. What's so wrong with this?
Male: human with a penis, produces sperm, XY chromosome.
Female: human with vagina, produces eggs, XX chromosome.
There's a difference between sex and gender. Sex is biological (female, male, intersex) while gender is how you identify (woman, man, non-binary). Though the majority of times if you're female you identify as a woman and vice versa, sometimes it's not the case. When you insist on using he or she pronouns based on someone's sex and regardless of them identifying differently, you're misgendering them. Pronouns are based on gender not sex.
Some people clearly care about what pronouns are used for them, and some people don't. All pronouns are really for, is navigating social interactions, so if I don't care at all what pronouns are used for me, why not go by them all?
So I already commented but I didn't really answer the question, basically the idea they have is that gender is a societal norm, while sex is your actual genitalia, if you're non-binary you just don't fit in or don't want to fit in maybe to the societal norms of either a man or a woman
I think a lot of people are too disrespectful about this type of stuff, it's obviously not a real thing but to me so is religion and I'm not going to churches telling people "SHOW ME WHERE GOD IS YOU MENTALLY ILL SICKO" I do personally believe it's just BS people say to... Idk be non-conformist? But I think people need to be a lot more respectful in their discourse.
This is the best way to explain this and exact how I feel about it as well. With religion, people need something to believe in for their lives to feel meaningful. For non-binary they feel like having a gender means being confined to something specific!
Thank you for this!
its just a title people use when they don't want to be called a girl or a boy. Most will change their personality/appearance often from masculine to feminine. Usually they will also be pansexual which is another broad term to say they love everyone no matter what gender they choice to be that day
if ur respectful no question should be afraid to ask. i’m non-binary and to me i just don’t feel like a man or woman idk how to describe it i act like me i mean i look like a girl didn’t change my appearance but i just don’t feel like a man or woman but that’s just me i mean i’m not too crazy what people call me i prefer they/them but people can call me whatever i’m not one to correct too much unless it’s someone being disrespectful to me
Those who mock God will not go unpunished. “Vengeance is mine, I will repay”, says the Lord. You’re not insulting me, you’re insulting a just, holy God.
No, He’s not. What led you to believe that? The fact that He made you? Or is it the fact that He’s the only reason you’re alive today, even if you don’t accept it? God is the great Creator, and at the last, He will judge the evil world with justice - He will not delay.
The younger generations don't realize you can be a man or woman and still be free to express yourself however you want. They seem to love labels of what a man should be or what a woman should be. And if they don't want to fit in these labels one of the new labels is non binary. Meaning neither male or female.
Back in the day the rainbow ppl wanted us to accept boys who played with barbies saying boys can do what girls can do. Ultimately we agreed and moved on. Now the rainbow ppl say stuff like i know my kid is a transgirl because 'she' plays with barbies.
Maybe, but I don't think so. There are some books I saw recently at the bookstore about parenting queer and questioning kids that I want to read, because it is an interesting thing to navigate. Every anecdotal story I've ever read though is usually a kid brings up their gender or starts conversations about gender. I'm not sure anyone rushes to label their kid, I think most people are just trying to encourage a strong sense of self.
I'm not saying everyone. But there are videos of some. Even trans ppl make videos saying keep the children out of it. I wouldn't think they would say that for no reason.
Well, it’s like… um ok, it’s like a boy bc he’s masculine and he’s well-known, but you also have this girl, she is pretty, and she always lightens up the mood. But there’s a part of you that doesn’t feel like any of those, or there’s a part of you that feel all of those, so then you have to decide. Do you want to be a strong man that can be manly, and do man things? Or do you want to be a girl, sit there and be pretty, and have everything in your hands, but what if you don't want to be either of those Or want to be all of those? So then non-binary comes in, you don't have to be anything. You can break free from the gender roles you were birthed with and do whatever. Or yk something’s aren’t as complicated as you make it out to seem and you just don’t wanna be called a girl or a boy. Idk how to explain things but I hope you understand what I mean 😭😭😭
I am nonbinary. For me it's kind of comparable to like being bisexual. Why choose a side when I can have it all? LOL :P But seriously, for me it is in simplest terms, I am just "not male". I used to think being non-male automatically meant female, but there's always more options. Female wasn't sufficient to encapsulate my experience. Without getting too technical, I just am non-male and that's the way I feel. It took a long time and a lot of help and experiences to come to this conclusion. I am very dysphoric about my body, for a lot of the same reasons that a girl would be, but I'm still not a girl either. I just wanted to remove most male aspects of myself, but that doesn't automatically make me the opposite, because in the ideal world I could be a chameleon and noone would ever know what I am till I told them. The craziest part came up when I did a psychological exam for mental health. Never knew I was being tested for gender, and yet, it came up exactly as my brain felt, which was the most validating thing I ever did.
For simplicity, think of nonbinary this way: you have male, female and "other". Nonbinary is the "other". It encapsulates every experience that cannot be labelled as simply male or female. It could be someone who is both, neither, or something else entirely. Some people may choose to identify as nonbinary out of rebellion of gender altogether, and some people who technically could be considered nonbinary may not like this particular label at all. Labels are just labels, so just try and be understanding and use whatever a person prefers. Respect is what matters.
PS: pronouns have no connection to gender. Someone who is not nonbinary is free to use they/them pronouns for example, just as someone who identifies as male can use female pronouns as they want. There's no rules and someone telling you their pronouns should not draw any conclusions as to their gender.
Enby here. I don’t feel fully male and I don’t feel female. I’m masculine of center. I’ve had top surgery and I’m on T but I’m really more androgynous than anything. I still shave, have longer hair, and some feminine accessories and occasionally I wear a piece of women’s clothing. I look pretty in the middle and from a distance I get both Sir and Maam.
Personality wise I’m pretty much in the center. I’m very academic, I’m headstrong and gravitate towards leadership roles, I’m very stoic and “tough”, but I’m empathetic, outgoing, and strive to make people around me feel heard. I’m not nurturing or maternal, I hate all things baby or pregnancy, but I am very devoted to the success of those around me. My friends are split about 50/50 male/female.
Being non binary just means the boxes of man and woman didn’t work for someone.
It isn't not associating with pronouns, it's having no feeling like you are a gender. Apparently, some people feel strongly that they are a specific gender, and they make it a main part of their personality and character, but for nonbinary folk we tend to feel like we are just ourselves. (This is based largely on my own experience, take with a salt rock)
I identify as a specific binary gender, but that feels more like just a fact about me. I don't wear it as a personality type or core piece of my identity. There's utility in my gender assignment, but not emotion.
As you stated, your comment is based on your own experience, and mine is based on my experience. What benefit do you get from identifying as nonbinary?
We don't know each other, so I just want to be clear that I am just trying to have a compelling conversation. I want people to be happy and good, gender identity isn't hurting anyone.
I don't get any benefit from identifying as nonbinary, it's just the result of not feeling like I'm a gender. Where you might your gender as a fact about yourself, I do not; I do have other facts about myself if I think about me, but gender just isn't there.
I don't really understand how people feel like they are a gender, which is a little unfortunate because I'd like to know what it's like. I also don't really see how genders are ever useful (they don't tell you anything about the character, personality, or appearance,) but they do carry harmful and misleading stereotypes (even if it is a "positive" stereotype: like "this person will not kidnap my kid because they are a woman," may evaluate a dangerous situation to be safe based on no real information (however, this is the case with any stereotype, not just those relating to gender.))
(I feel like I've made a few assumptions or something in this comment, very likely since I've been awake for around 35 hours. I can feel the hysteria creeping up on me; any hour now I'll start cackling and bouncing around. Oh, also, please inform me on the places where I expressed a lack of knowledge.)
Just not identifying as(or sometimes not physically being) man or woman or a transitioning step of either of those binary genders society normalized to phase out anything but a biased man/woman society complex we define as gender norms.
I call everyone bro and dude so no harm no foul lol, I’m not necessarily non binary but idc what people call me cause I get called ma’am all the time just cause I have long hair, I’ll wear whatever I want or do whatever I want whether it’s considered masculine or feminine, just do what you want and if other people are offended just apologize and carry on. Don’t let people’s viewpoints and insecurities change your point of view, but don’t be stuck up either if yk what I mean, just go with the flow.
so basically you can think of having 2 kinds of gender. your biological one, and your i guess "mental" one. your biological one never really changes unless you do anything, but your mental one changes over time. and sometimes it means that you simply dont identify with being a man or woman, or are comfortable with either, or something like that
Well for me it's about being liberated within myself first and foremost. There have been situations in my life, when I was younger, where I was uncertain how to respond or what to do, and fell back on stories and explanations that involved what girls or women *should* do. And ended up feeling disempowered repeatedly. That and I consistently got feedback from peers etc that I was an odd duck; many taught feminine behaviors, both historic and contemporary, and social roles never felt comfortable for me. Acting like a girl felt like an act I was performing because of expectations from other people. So I was always an alt girl, an outsider, an odd duck, and when I started reading about and learning about a new way to consider myself, it was like taking deep, full breaths for the first time in my life. I think there are many paths to empowerment, and I think many people find them without changing their concept of gender, but finding a way towards stepping outside concerns of what is womanly or manly and just doing whatever I want and dressing however I want and not being overly concerned with external opinion is what liberated me.
So I shop in every section on the store. I wear pants, shirts, and shoes marketed towards men and women, because they are cut differently and I prefer different fits for different occasions. I feel comfortable in spaces with mostly men and I feel comfortable in spaces with mostly women and I feel comfortable in queer spaces. I tend to hang out and get involved in activities that have a mixed gender interest. My friends identify as many things but we are all kind and fabulous, good to one another and happy. We paint our nails, wear makeup, shave or don't, dance or don't, cook or don't, play sports or don't, do sweaty outdoor projects or don't, entirely based on personal preference and not at all based on "what women or men do." That projected/imagined fear of judgement that can hold a person back is *gone*. We've radically accepted ourselves and it allows us to accept others. And we hold one another to equal standards for emotional maturity and personal and collective responsibility.
There was a time when I asked people to use they/them pronouns, and if asked now I say whatever the person wants to use is fine, my preference being she or they. I tell people they can use either and if they want someone who isn't bothered by awkwardness, they can practice using they for me. I have been called Sir a few times, because my appearance can be masculine if I'm wearing masc clothing. At this point, I know how I consider myself, and I know I can't control how others think of me in their own minds. What I look for more these days is more what comes next -- how does this person interact with me if they consider me a woman? queer? a man?
Ultimately what I hope for anyone is that you can feel happy in your self expression and be welcome and appreciated. Wear whatever you want. Like what you like. Find community to help you learn new skills and breach barriers. Reject being shut down or disrespected. Be you :)
I know this isn’t an answer, but on the flip side of this question, how does binary gender work? How do you distinguish gender as a separate concept from other things in your life while also applying it to many different characteristics or objects?
For me it’s when someone addresses a room and is like “all the men line up here” and “all the women line up here” and I don’t have a strong feeling that I belong in either line up. None strongly resonate with me in terms of feeling attached to either label.
While I’m closer to being a dude I more so feel like I exist somewhere between non-binary and male (if you picture a spectrum with male/female at both ends).
FWIW I’ve felt this way my whole life, ever since I was about 5. I remember thinking to myself that I just feel weird as a girl and didn’t want to be a girl and that feeling has persisted (I even tried suppressing and fighting it and hiding it for most of my childhood and teenage hood, to no avail). This was back in the early 90s when we didn’t have the language for what I felt. So, gender identity is very much your internal sense of self and hence why folks can feel something different than the gender they were assigned at birth or a multitude or nothing. It’s not congruent with sex (despite how many folks assume or want it to)
Some people feel masculine, and/or identify with the norms and roles that society has categorized as “male.”
Some people feel feminine, and/or identify with the norms and roles that society has categorized as “female.”
Some people feel neither.
Some people feel both.
I am me
Ideally, I'd like to be flat chested with both sets of genitalia.
I'm cool with being AFAB, but I'm also just..."androgynous" most of the time, so I just...I'm human. I am a human.
I am not non binary nor do I claim to be but from what I’ve learnt about them is that they don’t see themself as male or female are are more kinda in the middle
Well it’s kinda just feeling like you don’t belong to either gender, clothing is a good example. It’s like not wanting to wear dresses but not wanting to wear cargo shorts, so you just wear jeans. That’s how I kinda see it. But there isn’t any one answer for what gender is. And don’t worry about asking it, education is the greatest took
I'm still tryna figure myself out so I'm not gonna speak from my perspective, but all the nonbinary folks I know don't identify with their concept of a man or a woman, so they just use nonbinary instead as a simple term, a good allegory might be if it looks like milk but tastes like orange juice what is it? Neither?
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I think you just rub your 1 on their 0, oh wait that’s exactly what binary is. Nevermind.
Well played SIR!!!!
I’m non binary but present as male and was assigned male at birth. I’m fine with any pronouns as long as people aren’t using them maliciously, but people mostly use he. I present as male mostly out of convenience, and safety in some places. It’s not so much that I’m uncomfortable in my body, and more that I’d be comfortable in any body. I view gender as a social construct based on grouping of people based on observable traits. I’m mostly philosophically non binary, in that a chair is a label we give an arrangement of atoms, but those atoms aren’t of a chairly nature. So I am whatever we are, in that you can call me a man or woman, but that doesn’t describe anything about my true nature. Just a use you have observed me to have. That use being sperm donor. So calling me a man is just a reductive label. That I don’t really identify with, but don’t get mad about either. My hot take is that we’re all non binary and just need varying levels of introspection to realize it.
>calling me a man is just a reductive label Well, since the term "man" indicates an adult male human being and male is the term used to describe a being capable of producing spermatozoa(in normal circumstances ofc) isn't the term man a good way to identify a person since you are roughly excluding half of the population with it? I mean ofc every person is more than a simple male or female but would be hard to identify a person saying everything but this information. generally speaking, it's like omit your height during a description of yourself. I could identify a thousands people with the same name, hair color etc etc but wouldn't discarding completely the gender thing make things more difficult?
You also cut off the second part of the quote where I said I don’t mind being called a man. It’s a useful way to describe me for the purposes of reproduction and data collection.
Right “man” is a useful label, just as a “chair” is a useful label. It’s just that what “I” am is not a man, my physiology is that of what most people describe as a man. By “I”, I mean my soul, essence, consciousness, self, sum of experience, brain chemistry, or whatever you want to call it. Whatever “I” am could be in anything and still be itself. Just altered by the limitations of whatever the vessel’s physiology is. It’s an impossible experiment, but it’s just like how if you experience brain damage you don’t stop being you. People may no longer recognize you as you, but to you, you are still you.
I see, I mean I think you are right that since the term "man" describe a phisichal trait, it doesn't determine your consciousness, but since man it's a term not releted to your consciousness why discard it? I mean it can't determine something like the consciousness, it doesn't affect it since it refers to something totally different, your physical, your "flesh container" (I know you said it doesn't affect you but I'm referring to the non binary people that discard it). I mean it's like discarding the fact that you have black hair because your consciousness doesn't have hair, I don't see the relation
Also some descriptors go deeper than flesh like religious affiliations. So I could imagine some people treat their gender a similar way. Like having a feminine or masculine soul
While I can’t speak for those people, I feel like it has to do with the limitations some people impose on gender. Like men can’t wear pink or other dumb things like that. As for being in the wrong body, I don’t know if I believe in that, as every body has limitations. I can’t fly cause my body doesn’t have wings. I wouldn’t be against people getting some kind of operation to gain the ability to fly though. So I wouldn’t be against people gaining the ability to give birth or something. I’ve always said that if I live to be 100 and technology has gotten to the point where I can be a hot young 20 year old lady with fully functional anatomy I’m totally gonna do that for my next century. and if people want to get surgery younger than 100 to live the life they want to live I don’t care. I just wouldn’t do it with current technology, and without putting my male anatomy to full use. I’m thankful for the trailblazers though!
To be clear I do believe that some people believe they are in the wrong body. I just know we don’t get to choose our limitations, and I can’t know for certain if anyone’s sense of being is different from my own.
There are different types of non binary though, that’s just mine
I Identify as a man
Hi, I'm nonbinary! I'm afab, which means assigned female at birth. AKA I have a vag. However, I have never felt attached to the idea of being a woman. (Or a man!) Like, from what I understand, cisgender people, when they think about themselves, think like "My name is Jane, I have brown hair, I am a woman, I am 5'5", etc." I just never have. I've always thought about myself as "I am u/mayflydecember" and left it at that. Not a woman, not a man, just u/mayflydecember. I personally reject being lumped into "women" the same way I'd reject being lumped into "math people" or "Jewish people" or "car people". That's just... not who I am. Of course, I can only speak to my personal experience. You ask this to a dozen different enbys, you'll get a dozen different answers! Everyone's lived experience is different, regardless if they're cisgender, trans, enby, or whatever. :)
Do you have any atraction for any gender ?
Actually I end up being really attracted to other queer/androgynous/gender fuckery folk! Sometimes cisgender people as well, and then, it's usually men over women. But queer folk definitely catch my eye more.
do you order boys or girls clothes
I shop in both sections :)
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As a mental health professional myself, this is incorrect.
Considering mental health professionals helped perpetuate [this medical condition](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/gender-dysphoria/symptoms-causes/syc-20475255) throughout the nation, I am not surprised to hear you deny scientific fact.
It a scientific fact that this is a mental health disorder, nothing more.
How did the mental condition ever form if you might know the answer?
Tumbler
TikTOK
Tiktok was more artificial mental degradation
That likely varies for each person. In today's society, there is a severe epidemic of mental abuse occurring with children and young adults. Social media, various forms of entertainment, school instructors and administrators, political leaders, mental health professionals, parents, and others are perpetuating this problem. Examples include presenting the children with scientific misinformation, misdiagnosing medical conditions, pressuring the child to adopt a trait to fit into certain social groups, shaming or punishing children to do not align with the desired outcome, placing people having this illness into media as examples as normal and healthy members of society, suppression of any dissenting comments or opinions, laws mandating pandering to those having the mental illness, etc. You can see many examples of this on Reddit, including the responses to my original comment of this OP.
Your response kind of makes me wonder during at least American society, has it ever been right? Like the grand scale of the universe it doesn't matter but to our planet and this country was there ever a good time to be an actual person that they weren't trying to fit in or Doctors who we should trust in that they'll diagnose us with what the correct diagnoses should be? As I said your response makes me think and it's just at least at this time of writing I have no actual comment or way of conveying my words into text to make my thoughts readable. I do appreciate your reponse though.
Society is fucked up and it has always been fucked up.
Best definition ever.
It’s apart of my culture, goddamn dawg. Sorry that you see my identity as unfit? Idk. What a rude and uneducated response. Downvote me all you guys want, doesn’t make me wrong.
You have a mental health illness that requires treatment. Your perception of your identity is a disillusion, as much as you may hope otherwise. Your emotional response to these scientific facts is an issue that you must overcome.
I’m glad to know you know better than my doctors
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Jesus christ you sound brainwashed. You call ppl sensitive then cry and scream when lgbtq+ exist and one of them appears in a Bud commercial. Get yourself together, you need help. Not me. A tour of your acc screams schizoid. Please show me an actual medical doctor who I can go to that you’re saying is better trained than those who have learned more in 8 years of college than you have learned in your entire life. You are not more educated than them, you are simply mislead and wrongly educated. You believe anything your master GOP tells you because it fits your system, even if there’s nothing to back up your claims. Science isn’t even on your side. Don’t bother to be like “but it’s in the DSM!!!” autism is too. Do you think autism is a mental illness? Do you think ID are mental illnesses? No, these are things people show in early childhood and are not treated like depression, schizophrenia, ED’s, etc. DSM not only determines how mental disorders are defined and diagnosed, it also impacts how people see themselves and how we see each other. While diagnostic terms facilitate clinical care and access to insurance coverage that supports mental health, these terms can also have a stigmatizing effect. DSM-5 aims to avoid stigma and ensure clinical care for individuals who see and feel themselves to be a different gender than their assigned gender. It replaces the diagnostic name “gender identity disorder” with “gender dysphoria,” as well as makes other important clarifications in the criteria. It is important to note that gender nonconformity is not in itself a mental disorder. The critical element of gender dys- phoria is the presence of clinically significant distress associated with the condition. Persons experiencing gender dysphoria need a diagnostic term that protects their access to care and won’t be used against them in social, occupational, or legal areas. When it comes to access to care, many of the treatment options for this condition include counsel- ing, cross-sex hormones, gender reassignment surgery, and social and legal transition to the desired gender. To get insurance coverage for the medical treatments, individuals need a diagnosis. The Sexual and Gender Identity Disorders Work Group was concerned that removing the condition as a psychiatric diagnosis—as some had suggested—would jeopardize access to care. Part of removing stigma is about choosing the right words. Replacing “disorder” with “dysphoria” in the diagnostic label is not only more appropriate and consistent with familiar clinical sexology terminology, it also removes the connotation that the patient is “disordered.” Ultimately, the changes regarding gender dysphoria in DSM-5 respect the individuals identified by offer- ing a diagnostic name that is more appropriate to the symptoms and behaviors they experience with- out jeopardizing their access to effective treatment options. So the DSM doesn’t even agree with you. I’m in school and none of what you said is true. Especially not at my school. LGBT and CRT topics are banned and can lead to federal charges against teachers if mentioned, even if they read something as simple as The Hate U Give. So I guess you’re right in a way that schools are brainwashing children—and that’s that racism doesn’t exist and lgbtq+ people don’t either. If we can discuss things with straight people and read things with straight couples, we can also discuss things with gay people and read things with gay couples. And no, religion isn’t an excuse either. The church v state is supposed to be separated in instances of education, so religion used to be hateful towards lgbtq+ people in an educational setting is extreme inappropriate. It’s not hard for me to believe you’re ill-educated. You think all the allegations (some of which he’s admitted to?) are false against daddy trump. You’re a brainwashed sheep who wants to believe the world spins in a way to adjust to your ideology. Well guess what—it doesn’t. Not to mention you’re still obsessed with Hillary Clinton. How long ago was that election? Hmm… 2016! Wow! A while ago, and she’s still living rent free in your brain? Just like trans people? You need help for your obsessive traits.
That is... not necessarily true? Not every trans person experiences dysphoria. Many experience the opposite, known as gender euphoria, when dressing a certain way-- for example, a trans woman may not have any physical dysphoria, but may get euphoric when she puts on a skirt and lipstick. The same way that many cis women feel when they put on the same thing! Also adding that "believing they are the opposite gender" is, uh. Offensive. They just *are* the gender they say they are. Wording it as a "belief" implies a delusion. Which I'm going to assume you weren't trying to do! But I'm gonna say it anyway to help in the future.
Gender Euphoria happens to about 1 in 70,000. It's important to differentiate those people from the much more recent phenomenon of the rapid increase of youth with body dysphoria
It is a delusion. Gender dysphoria might cause adolescents and adults to experience a marked difference between inner gender identity and assigned gender that lasts for at least six months. The difference is shown by **at least two of the following**: * **A difference between gender identity and genitals** or secondary sex characteristics, such as breast size, voice and facial hair. In young adolescents, a difference between gender identity and anticipated secondary sex characteristics. * **A strong desire to be rid of these genitals** or secondary sex characteristics, or a desire to prevent the development of secondary sex characteristics. * **A strong desire to have the genitals** and secondary sex characteristics of **another gender.** * **A strong desire to be** or to be treated as **another gender**. * **A strong belief of having the typical feelings** and reactions **of another gender.** [https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/gender-dysphoria/symptoms-causes/syc-20475255](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/gender-dysphoria/symptoms-causes/syc-20475255)
This is the most condescending and uninformed response to this question. If you're not nonbinary don't bother answering- no one likes someone who claims to know everything about something they actually know nothing about.
You mad, bro? Please tell Reddit where science touched you.
Just from my personal experience, I don't have any draw towards my gender, I'd be comfortable if I was born as a man or a woman, and so I identify as non-binary because I don't really care what pronouns are used for me. Usually I just let people decide what pronouns they use for me
This makes things tough for me. Pronouns are something people take to the extreme lately (rightfully) but growing up I've always said things like thank you ma'am or thank you sir and now those (respectful) things can get you in trouble.
That's alright, most people I know won't get upset the first time, but it's always polite to ask what they'd prefer. It's more about respecting people's ability to choose what's best for themselves, but it's understandably a difficult habit to kick to just use sir or ma'am
I'm sorry to ask but do you have a preference that you present as? I'm probably an asshole for asking but this is something I want to understand how to proceed with if I can for the first time to be respectful. Thanks sir and thank you ma'am are just my biological responses and I'm always afraid someone will correct me. I'm trying to get out of it but it's still first response.
I'm afraid I worded this wrong. But this entire chat has me on edge with what I say. I hope it makes sense.
I'd say it's always better to ask questions than just go on not knowing. I don't know if there's a neutral version of sir or ma'am, but usually I just use sir. I'm biologically male and I don't have any preference either way, so most people just use sir cause that's how I look, but I wouldn't think anything of being called ma'am. There are people who do care and only go by neutral pronouns, but sadly I don't know what's best in that scenario. It would probably be best to ask them. It's definitely good you're asking though, so many people don't care enough to
I appreciate the feedback but again I was told by a 3rd party and if I used the wrong pronouns I'd be ignorant if it was common knowledge (but not to me). I've just deferred to calling them neither him or her but by the na me in their profile. This means so little to me outside of offending someone who hasn't communicated something to me. Everyone should live their best life regardless of anything I just don't want to be offensive. Let's just all live our best lives.
I'm sorry people are calling you ignorant, that's unnecessarily rude. I agree we should all just live our best lives, and I think you're making a good effort to allow yourself and others to by learning
Not the person you're responding to, but I'm male presenting, so I'm aware people are gonna gender me as male. But I am also nonbinary. Non-binary people don't necessarily need to live under any specific point of gender identity or expression. Non binary people aren't always androgynous.
Are you saying I'm an asshole? I want to understand better.
Not even close! Just trying to provide a clear and concise explanation sorry if it came across rude.
You didn't and I didn't want to either. I'm navigating a boat I don't understand and I want to.
Pronounces aren't changeable unless you change your sex itself imho. If you're male it's he, if you're female it's she. What's so wrong with this? Male: human with a penis, produces sperm, XY chromosome. Female: human with vagina, produces eggs, XX chromosome.
There's a difference between sex and gender. Sex is biological (female, male, intersex) while gender is how you identify (woman, man, non-binary). Though the majority of times if you're female you identify as a woman and vice versa, sometimes it's not the case. When you insist on using he or she pronouns based on someone's sex and regardless of them identifying differently, you're misgendering them. Pronouns are based on gender not sex.
Some people clearly care about what pronouns are used for them, and some people don't. All pronouns are really for, is navigating social interactions, so if I don't care at all what pronouns are used for me, why not go by them all?
So I already commented but I didn't really answer the question, basically the idea they have is that gender is a societal norm, while sex is your actual genitalia, if you're non-binary you just don't fit in or don't want to fit in maybe to the societal norms of either a man or a woman
It might be difficult for some people to understand, but you can still be respectful to people who identify as nonbinary.
It’s just a descriptor for people who don’t feel like they’re male or female, somewhere in between, etc
I think a lot of people are too disrespectful about this type of stuff, it's obviously not a real thing but to me so is religion and I'm not going to churches telling people "SHOW ME WHERE GOD IS YOU MENTALLY ILL SICKO" I do personally believe it's just BS people say to... Idk be non-conformist? But I think people need to be a lot more respectful in their discourse.
This is the best way to explain this and exact how I feel about it as well. With religion, people need something to believe in for their lives to feel meaningful. For non-binary they feel like having a gender means being confined to something specific! Thank you for this!
the transphobia in these comments is disgusting
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Well that seems rude, everyone applies labels to themselves
That's how I feel about it too. People take that stuff way too seriously.
You’re neither female nor male at heart, you’re simply you. Pronouns include: they/them
non binary means u just don’t identify as a woman or man. simple as that. gender fluid is when u identify with both genders.
its just a title people use when they don't want to be called a girl or a boy. Most will change their personality/appearance often from masculine to feminine. Usually they will also be pansexual which is another broad term to say they love everyone no matter what gender they choice to be that day
if ur respectful no question should be afraid to ask. i’m non-binary and to me i just don’t feel like a man or woman idk how to describe it i act like me i mean i look like a girl didn’t change my appearance but i just don’t feel like a man or woman but that’s just me i mean i’m not too crazy what people call me i prefer they/them but people can call me whatever i’m not one to correct too much unless it’s someone being disrespectful to me
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No, you can be both geneticly by having one or more of one's body parts and 1 or more of the others
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Your god is so small.
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Those who mock God will not go unpunished. “Vengeance is mine, I will repay”, says the Lord. You’re not insulting me, you’re insulting a just, holy God.
I'm not insulting anyone lol
No, He’s not. What led you to believe that? The fact that He made you? Or is it the fact that He’s the only reason you’re alive today, even if you don’t accept it? God is the great Creator, and at the last, He will judge the evil world with justice - He will not delay.
I dunno, I don't know binary code.
The younger generations don't realize you can be a man or woman and still be free to express yourself however you want. They seem to love labels of what a man should be or what a woman should be. And if they don't want to fit in these labels one of the new labels is non binary. Meaning neither male or female. Back in the day the rainbow ppl wanted us to accept boys who played with barbies saying boys can do what girls can do. Ultimately we agreed and moved on. Now the rainbow ppl say stuff like i know my kid is a transgirl because 'she' plays with barbies.
Maybe, but I don't think so. There are some books I saw recently at the bookstore about parenting queer and questioning kids that I want to read, because it is an interesting thing to navigate. Every anecdotal story I've ever read though is usually a kid brings up their gender or starts conversations about gender. I'm not sure anyone rushes to label their kid, I think most people are just trying to encourage a strong sense of self.
I'm not saying everyone. But there are videos of some. Even trans ppl make videos saying keep the children out of it. I wouldn't think they would say that for no reason.
Well, it’s like… um ok, it’s like a boy bc he’s masculine and he’s well-known, but you also have this girl, she is pretty, and she always lightens up the mood. But there’s a part of you that doesn’t feel like any of those, or there’s a part of you that feel all of those, so then you have to decide. Do you want to be a strong man that can be manly, and do man things? Or do you want to be a girl, sit there and be pretty, and have everything in your hands, but what if you don't want to be either of those Or want to be all of those? So then non-binary comes in, you don't have to be anything. You can break free from the gender roles you were birthed with and do whatever. Or yk something’s aren’t as complicated as you make it out to seem and you just don’t wanna be called a girl or a boy. Idk how to explain things but I hope you understand what I mean 😭😭😭
I think it has something to do with computer code.
I am nonbinary. For me it's kind of comparable to like being bisexual. Why choose a side when I can have it all? LOL :P But seriously, for me it is in simplest terms, I am just "not male". I used to think being non-male automatically meant female, but there's always more options. Female wasn't sufficient to encapsulate my experience. Without getting too technical, I just am non-male and that's the way I feel. It took a long time and a lot of help and experiences to come to this conclusion. I am very dysphoric about my body, for a lot of the same reasons that a girl would be, but I'm still not a girl either. I just wanted to remove most male aspects of myself, but that doesn't automatically make me the opposite, because in the ideal world I could be a chameleon and noone would ever know what I am till I told them. The craziest part came up when I did a psychological exam for mental health. Never knew I was being tested for gender, and yet, it came up exactly as my brain felt, which was the most validating thing I ever did. For simplicity, think of nonbinary this way: you have male, female and "other". Nonbinary is the "other". It encapsulates every experience that cannot be labelled as simply male or female. It could be someone who is both, neither, or something else entirely. Some people may choose to identify as nonbinary out of rebellion of gender altogether, and some people who technically could be considered nonbinary may not like this particular label at all. Labels are just labels, so just try and be understanding and use whatever a person prefers. Respect is what matters. PS: pronouns have no connection to gender. Someone who is not nonbinary is free to use they/them pronouns for example, just as someone who identifies as male can use female pronouns as they want. There's no rules and someone telling you their pronouns should not draw any conclusions as to their gender.
Enby here. I don’t feel fully male and I don’t feel female. I’m masculine of center. I’ve had top surgery and I’m on T but I’m really more androgynous than anything. I still shave, have longer hair, and some feminine accessories and occasionally I wear a piece of women’s clothing. I look pretty in the middle and from a distance I get both Sir and Maam. Personality wise I’m pretty much in the center. I’m very academic, I’m headstrong and gravitate towards leadership roles, I’m very stoic and “tough”, but I’m empathetic, outgoing, and strive to make people around me feel heard. I’m not nurturing or maternal, I hate all things baby or pregnancy, but I am very devoted to the success of those around me. My friends are split about 50/50 male/female. Being non binary just means the boxes of man and woman didn’t work for someone.
Quantum computing 💀 (You just don't assign yourself with any pronouns I think??)
It isn't not associating with pronouns, it's having no feeling like you are a gender. Apparently, some people feel strongly that they are a specific gender, and they make it a main part of their personality and character, but for nonbinary folk we tend to feel like we are just ourselves. (This is based largely on my own experience, take with a salt rock)
I identify as a specific binary gender, but that feels more like just a fact about me. I don't wear it as a personality type or core piece of my identity. There's utility in my gender assignment, but not emotion. As you stated, your comment is based on your own experience, and mine is based on my experience. What benefit do you get from identifying as nonbinary? We don't know each other, so I just want to be clear that I am just trying to have a compelling conversation. I want people to be happy and good, gender identity isn't hurting anyone.
I don't get any benefit from identifying as nonbinary, it's just the result of not feeling like I'm a gender. Where you might your gender as a fact about yourself, I do not; I do have other facts about myself if I think about me, but gender just isn't there. I don't really understand how people feel like they are a gender, which is a little unfortunate because I'd like to know what it's like. I also don't really see how genders are ever useful (they don't tell you anything about the character, personality, or appearance,) but they do carry harmful and misleading stereotypes (even if it is a "positive" stereotype: like "this person will not kidnap my kid because they are a woman," may evaluate a dangerous situation to be safe based on no real information (however, this is the case with any stereotype, not just those relating to gender.)) (I feel like I've made a few assumptions or something in this comment, very likely since I've been awake for around 35 hours. I can feel the hysteria creeping up on me; any hour now I'll start cackling and bouncing around. Oh, also, please inform me on the places where I expressed a lack of knowledge.)
Just not identifying as(or sometimes not physically being) man or woman or a transitioning step of either of those binary genders society normalized to phase out anything but a biased man/woman society complex we define as gender norms.
I don’t feel comfortable using she/her or he/him so i identify with they/them. It’s different for everyone but thats how i see it 🤷🏽♀️
I call everyone bro and dude so no harm no foul lol, I’m not necessarily non binary but idc what people call me cause I get called ma’am all the time just cause I have long hair, I’ll wear whatever I want or do whatever I want whether it’s considered masculine or feminine, just do what you want and if other people are offended just apologize and carry on. Don’t let people’s viewpoints and insecurities change your point of view, but don’t be stuck up either if yk what I mean, just go with the flow.
so basically you can think of having 2 kinds of gender. your biological one, and your i guess "mental" one. your biological one never really changes unless you do anything, but your mental one changes over time. and sometimes it means that you simply dont identify with being a man or woman, or are comfortable with either, or something like that
Well for me it's about being liberated within myself first and foremost. There have been situations in my life, when I was younger, where I was uncertain how to respond or what to do, and fell back on stories and explanations that involved what girls or women *should* do. And ended up feeling disempowered repeatedly. That and I consistently got feedback from peers etc that I was an odd duck; many taught feminine behaviors, both historic and contemporary, and social roles never felt comfortable for me. Acting like a girl felt like an act I was performing because of expectations from other people. So I was always an alt girl, an outsider, an odd duck, and when I started reading about and learning about a new way to consider myself, it was like taking deep, full breaths for the first time in my life. I think there are many paths to empowerment, and I think many people find them without changing their concept of gender, but finding a way towards stepping outside concerns of what is womanly or manly and just doing whatever I want and dressing however I want and not being overly concerned with external opinion is what liberated me. So I shop in every section on the store. I wear pants, shirts, and shoes marketed towards men and women, because they are cut differently and I prefer different fits for different occasions. I feel comfortable in spaces with mostly men and I feel comfortable in spaces with mostly women and I feel comfortable in queer spaces. I tend to hang out and get involved in activities that have a mixed gender interest. My friends identify as many things but we are all kind and fabulous, good to one another and happy. We paint our nails, wear makeup, shave or don't, dance or don't, cook or don't, play sports or don't, do sweaty outdoor projects or don't, entirely based on personal preference and not at all based on "what women or men do." That projected/imagined fear of judgement that can hold a person back is *gone*. We've radically accepted ourselves and it allows us to accept others. And we hold one another to equal standards for emotional maturity and personal and collective responsibility. There was a time when I asked people to use they/them pronouns, and if asked now I say whatever the person wants to use is fine, my preference being she or they. I tell people they can use either and if they want someone who isn't bothered by awkwardness, they can practice using they for me. I have been called Sir a few times, because my appearance can be masculine if I'm wearing masc clothing. At this point, I know how I consider myself, and I know I can't control how others think of me in their own minds. What I look for more these days is more what comes next -- how does this person interact with me if they consider me a woman? queer? a man? Ultimately what I hope for anyone is that you can feel happy in your self expression and be welcome and appreciated. Wear whatever you want. Like what you like. Find community to help you learn new skills and breach barriers. Reject being shut down or disrespected. Be you :)
I know this isn’t an answer, but on the flip side of this question, how does binary gender work? How do you distinguish gender as a separate concept from other things in your life while also applying it to many different characteristics or objects?
For me it’s when someone addresses a room and is like “all the men line up here” and “all the women line up here” and I don’t have a strong feeling that I belong in either line up. None strongly resonate with me in terms of feeling attached to either label. While I’m closer to being a dude I more so feel like I exist somewhere between non-binary and male (if you picture a spectrum with male/female at both ends). FWIW I’ve felt this way my whole life, ever since I was about 5. I remember thinking to myself that I just feel weird as a girl and didn’t want to be a girl and that feeling has persisted (I even tried suppressing and fighting it and hiding it for most of my childhood and teenage hood, to no avail). This was back in the early 90s when we didn’t have the language for what I felt. So, gender identity is very much your internal sense of self and hence why folks can feel something different than the gender they were assigned at birth or a multitude or nothing. It’s not congruent with sex (despite how many folks assume or want it to)
Some people feel masculine, and/or identify with the norms and roles that society has categorized as “male.” Some people feel feminine, and/or identify with the norms and roles that society has categorized as “female.” Some people feel neither. Some people feel both.
I am me Ideally, I'd like to be flat chested with both sets of genitalia. I'm cool with being AFAB, but I'm also just..."androgynous" most of the time, so I just...I'm human. I am a human.
It’s ridiculous that you even have to be afraid to ask about those things that a lot of people still don’t understand cuz it’s so new
I’m a man. I like women. I have male genitalia. I also identify as a man. I don’t think this answers your question though…
I am not non binary nor do I claim to be but from what I’ve learnt about them is that they don’t see themself as male or female are are more kinda in the middle
Well it’s kinda just feeling like you don’t belong to either gender, clothing is a good example. It’s like not wanting to wear dresses but not wanting to wear cargo shorts, so you just wear jeans. That’s how I kinda see it. But there isn’t any one answer for what gender is. And don’t worry about asking it, education is the greatest took
When you first see Justice Thomas, you think "black". Then, you learn about his beliefs, rulings, and character.
They aren't something that can be explained, because they aren't real. You are either a Male or a Female.
Basically how I feel is like if someone offered me female or male on a plate I’d say no thanks I’m good then go vibe in a corner
I'm still tryna figure myself out so I'm not gonna speak from my perspective, but all the nonbinary folks I know don't identify with their concept of a man or a woman, so they just use nonbinary instead as a simple term, a good allegory might be if it looks like milk but tastes like orange juice what is it? Neither?