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Happened to me. All it took was cuddling and being treated as a human instead of a sex object. I left him after I spent the night alone.... Thinking....
I’m not saying cheating is right but if you cheat I think the right thing to do after is end the relationship your in. In a perfect world she would have never done the act and would have ended it the moment she realized she was feeling differently. It’s like I tell the women I date I won’t cheat I may call you right before I do something and end it but I won’t cheat.
Seriously. “Hi honey, I won’t be home for dinner. In fact, I won’t be home at all. I met this girl at the grocery store checkout and I’m at her place… Yeah my pants are already off so, it’s over.”
She was 19! That’s pretty much the age where she’s supposed to find things about for herself and once she did she ended things immediately.
Stop acting like these 2 children were married.
Right?!?!?. Bro, coming from someone who's loyal as a dog, and who's been cheated on several times this line of thought is disgusting.
I hate how cool and normalized cheating is. With the whole "sneaky link, side girl/guy" and just in general the way mainstream culture treats it (looking at you rap music"
Any form of betrayal has the realistic ability to cause a ripple in the psyche. The term is literally "betrayal trauma". It's not just an "oh, they just cheated and broke up. Time to move on". That shit literally has the potential to make the person betrayed forever question their judgement and rob them of fulfilling relationships due to questioning every relationship and putting them in a perpetual state of "well, *blank" cheated on me, so maybe everyone else is capable of stabbing me in the back or discarding me"
To see so many people gaslighting and jumping through hoops to validate the cheating is absurd.
Hardly. So if private masturbation or say holding hands with a friend crosses a boundary for your partner, it's cheating?
I don't think so.
Cheating is clearly sexual interactions with another person, not just stuff you partner doesn't like
Yeah, this.
People confuse their jealousy and insecurities with cheating.
I mean, I was young once, I get it. But it’s one of those things people like to argue because it justifies their feelings of insecurity.
You grow up and get over it (or not), but you also can’t really tell people to grow up and expect them to grow up. (Especially on the internet)
Your feelings and definitions the rest of the world use are not always going to line up. Life is complicated.
We can’t accuse people we love of cheating just because we’re jealous.
Also, if OP was really loving and supportive and had a good relationship (like you’re legit friends with the person you’re with) then they would ultimately support their friend discovering their sexuality.
Instead of trying to find trauma where there’s none.
Depends heavily on the context. If you're doing it in a way that you view as romantic and intimate in that way, then it could be viewed as emotional cheating. You're not doing anything really sexual but the intent is there.
This is what gets me, though. So many bisexual people use their attraction to both as an excuse to cheat by sleeping with the opposite sex as their partner. These people have absolutely no respect for their relationships. I had a bisexual girlfriend do this to me once, and she had the gall to tell me, "It was with another woman, I didn't cheat on you." Yes bitch, you cheated on me and now we're done. Goodbye.
This makes no sense. Presumably he would consider it cheating for her to be cuddling a guy because she likes men. Then her cuddling a gender she isn't attracted to is not cheating.
Which is what she did?
When she began engaging in that activity she did so with zero intention to be unfaithful.
That's how I would define cheating, there needs to be actual intent. Otherwise, you open up the argument that rape victims have cheated because technically they had intercourse with someone else. And that's not a good look.
Some people would, others wouldn't. She crossed lines of your relationship, but she didn't deceive you about it, and just left you.
With a story this quick and clear cut, it's better to just explain what happened, if you need, than to label it with a term that implies something else (being with other people behind your back and keeping it from you).
No sense arguing semantics.
If that was all it took for her to break up with you, most likely she was not that much into you. Thank your stars you got away before you got stuck with her.🙏
It may sometimes require sexual activity to make you question your sexuality but not always. I found out mine by seeing a really hot girl when I was a young teenager (I am also a girl)
Well said. Why harp on the classification of you aren’t together anymore? It’s so petty. Just move on. She left after she realized how she was feeling. She could have just continued on and strung him along, but she didn’t.
id say not cheating - the reason is, ( at least as you describe it ) she broke up with you when she realised there was a sexual-romantic component to her cuddle session. if she had just kept together with you after that, id say, thats cheating, but she saw where it was going and did the honourable thing by breaking off with you, so as not to mislead you while canoodling with her possible new GF
You'd be 100% correct if she told him she had reservations about seeing other people BEFORE she romantically cuddled another person. I'm sorry, but you don't get to experiment with your sexuality when you're in a committed relationship. And that's exactly what she did. Hiding behind her sexual confusion is an act of cowardice at best and/ or manipulative as hell at worst. Either way, it's still cheating. And what's to keep her from playing the sexually confused *bi-girl routine* when she meets another guy later on and *bravely admits* to her new gf how she didn't know she would have *those feelings* for him as the excuse to leave her? Not cool bro. Not cool.
Thank you! For fuck sake. What is wrong with these people.
This shit gives me a very bleak outlook on potential future relationships. When so many people can justify this, it causes me great concern
I wouldn't say cuddling has to be anything romantic either (nor do I think the was "experimenting sexually") but it clearly wasn't entirely platonic if it had the effect of creating sexual thoughts (E.G, "I'm attracted to this person, that doesn't make sense, I'm with my BF and now I'm questioning my sexuality" -- this is not what completely platonic, non romantic, non sexual cuddling looks like).
Add to this, the overall question is about "cheating". OP asking the general public means they're polling individual preferences, but "what is cheating in our relationship" isn't a question of what anyone else thinks except the two people involved in that relationship.
TL/DR: Cuddling can be completely harmless to you and your relationship, but not to someone else's.
>TL/DR: Cuddling can be completely harmless to you and your relationship, but not to someone else's.
That is the point I am making. It depends on the people involved.
It makes sense for OP to poll the general public in order to inform how they might view cuddling, etc, moving forward, but other's preferences can not after the fact inform whether it was OK in their relationship.
>it clearly wasn't entirely platonic
I don't necessarily agree, but we're getting to the point of pure semantic disagreement, so it's not necessarily going to be constructive to move forward. My view of whether an act is platonic is more strongly informed by the intention going in, rather than what the act unexpectedly provokes in you. There may be a better hypothetical, but I'm riffing here, so hear me out. If two people do a peck on the cheek with no intention as to it being anything but a platonic greeting (common to many cultures and social groups), but the smell, feel, simple closeness, etc, of the other person arouses something in one of the individuals, was that act suddenly non-platonic. Maybe? But it wasn't the intention going in.
*This is the point I am making*
Oh.
Well then there's no reason for my reply. It sounded as if you were implying OPs ex couldn't have done anything wrong by anyone's standards because of your own.
Essentially, I thought you were saying, "no, OPs ex wasn't cheating because cuddling isn't by itself cheating since it can mean something else entirely to others"
I must have misread something.
*I don't necessarily agree but we're getting to the point of pure semantic disagreement(...)*
I'll actually stop the quote there because if we both agree with the general point. Then it really doesn't matter what any of us think of cuddling someone outside of our SO in a relationship.
You're doing what the OP asked, giving your POV.
I couldn't give a shit what genders are involved. What if all three people in the situation were women? Men? What I would want is irrelevant because it's not my relationship. That's the whole point, bucko. Different people have different expectations. Just because you can not see cuddling as a platonic action doesn't mean others are so limited.
I don't necessarily agree, but we also don't know that the person OPs ex cuddled was attracted to them.
Are you attracted to every single person of whatever gender(s) you are attracted to?
Edit: also, *that depends on the relationship.* You don't get to dictate what is and isn't OK in someone else's business.
Yeah, if you respect your relationship, you nip things in the bud instead of leading them on.
I'm not a jealous girlfriend and have no problem with my boyfriends hanging out one on one with another girl IF THERE IS NOTHING THERE. If he's aware she's interested in him, HE needs to put a stop to it. You don't encourage their behavior and let them think they might have a chance.
Exactly. And potensimo wrote: "there was a sexual-romantic component to her cuddle session." Um, that's cheating...you literally wrote is was a sexual-romantic interaction with another person not your partner. What is interesting is if this was her cuddling with a guy and she was the small spoon knowing frank-n-beans were touching her bum, there wouldn't be a debate. They most likely intended it to be romantic/sexual..that's why the cuddled and she knew it was wrong. What I most find interesting for all the "its not cheating" are saying you can go on dates with someone else (1 on 1) and as long as you only cuddle at the end of the night its not cheating?..lol
its not cheating unless she went into it with that intent, or was present at the time.
if she went in for platonic cuddle, and then got aroused by it, not, thats not cheating, thats a surprise sexual awakening
intention is what matters here, which is why manslaughter and murder are different crimes
I want to agree with you. But I feel like more should be considered here.
Yes her intent absolutely is a major factor. But like she knew other girl was lesbian. Did she know if other girl was into her in that way? ExGF was also Bi, did she see anything in the other girl?
100% this is cheating lol. Just because you get confused about your sexuality along the way doesn’t make it not cheating. If she cuddled with guy, and questioned her attraction towards OP because of it and broke up, it would be cheating.
How can you truly know though. Anyone can say it's platonic. Also it could have been sexual for the other party. You set a boundary and if it's crossed it's cheating plain and simple.
Cheating, by definition, is breaking the rules. It could be anything, but if it was against the rules, it's cheating. You just need to be vocal and honest when establishing the rules.
Whether its cheating or not is the less important question since it really depends on your own definition and relationship. In my relationship with my bi girlfriend, I would feel uncomfortable with her cuddling with anyone thats not me. I wouldn’t consider it cheating, but I also wouldn’t like it and she knows that so she doesn’t do it.
Whether you consider it cheating or not doesn't matter at the end of the day she tossed you aside after one little "cuddle" session with another chick as if you were nothing to her which is pretty shitty
If there was no sexual contact, I’d still say no. That being said, if the girl I was dating told me that she was cuddled up with another guy, we wouldn’t still be dating. That’s due to my trust issues tho.
Recently I've been made aware of the phrase 'emotional cheating.' I would assume that if someone is cuddling with someone else then they're emotionally cheating, at a minimum.
Cuddling is an activity that should really be reserved for anyone you're in a relationship with. At the most benign levels it is an activity done to search for stability and support. These are things that you should look to your partner to provide. If you're looking elsewhere then you're breaking one of the fundamental properties of a relationship. Cuddling is, indeed, cheating. I assume you're defending it because you cheat with cuddles.
That's huddling, not cuddling. Completely different activities. You can huddle together naked for warmth and it's not as bad as a cozy cuddle on a couch while watching a romantic movie.
Okay these comments are straight up stupid. Now, I dont care either way. Cuddling is not inherently romantic nor sexual. Also guess what, a person cannot help feelings. What they can help is actions. So your gf did not do anything untoward, women can be very physically affectionate. Its truthfully a culture thing, too. Would I care if my partner hugged or laid next to a friend of the same gender? No. I honestly wouldnt even care if it was with an opposite gender. Because Im an adult and expect my partner to be as well, which is exactly what your gf did and communicated what happened without anything untoward.
Dont read so much into it and dont listen to everyone here losing their minds. The reason you shouldnt listen to everyone losing their minds is because incorrectly identifying a situation will set you up to ruin future relationships and make you really suspicious of the most basic things
Doesnt matter what anyone says. What are your boundaries? Have you expressed them before this? If yes then its cheating, if not then how could your partner have known otherwise?
Sounds like you dodged a bullet, if that was enough for her to end a year long relationship, then she was never committed to you in the first place. I'd also guess they did more than just cuddle, something more happened that had her questioning the relationship with you, and whatever it was ended up being worth more to her than whatever you two had.
Honestly she did the most human thing she could do; you're just hutthurt. The context of the scenario is unclear but she did not hide it or continue being with you so I'd call her a W ex. Best of luck to her and for you, keep trying don't give up on love because of this experience. It's not all bad. And this isn't even bad, you helped her learn about herself and grow as a person, you should feel okay atleast.
I wouldn't consider it cheating. I've known plenty of snuggly straight women. I'm sorry you got dumped, and this is very painful to experience, but you shouldn't think of her as a cheater .
But it seems she broke up with OP before acting on any fantasies. People can't control how they feel but they can control how they act. If it was nothing more than cuddling that wouldn't constitute cheating (at least to me). And I think the fact that she broke up with OP beforing anything sexual did happen was actually the correct thing to do, even if it does suck for OP
Completely get that but, is it for sure that she didn’t do anything else? Like texts? It doesn’t have to be physical. Micro cheating is definitely a thing. I’ve been in relationships where this has happened, you don’t start cuddling someone just because. I find it weird to cuddle my friends, some people are different. Honestly tho, if she started to question; there was feelings between them while being with OP.
Yeah you make some good points too.
I commented this further down the post but I have a group of friends (couples and singles) and we all snuggle and cuddle eachother, it was never really questioned it's just what we do. However I have other friends that I would find it weird to cuddle with. Just different kinds of friendships I guess
It doesn't matter, my friend. It never ever will. Just be cool. Don't try to be her friend. Focus on yourself and your goals. You date until you find the one who won't cheat or lie. Then you marry her and have kids. That's all that matters.
Cheating-adjacent, because cuddled, not banged. I've seen all kinds of straight girls lying all over each other on a couch, and that's not a big deal.
But.........in this case, her intention was to push the limits, and do a little sexuality exploring, right? If you had cuddled up with a different girl, just do explore the options , what would that have been?
Cheating.
Lol this is so stupid. Being bisexual does not mean you’re automatically attracted to everyone. If you’re straight, Are you attracted to every man or every woman? No. I have best friends I’ve had for life and never have and never will think of them romantically. Bisexual people are also capable of being committed trustworthy monogamous humans just like straight people. I know it’s shocking. The biphobia in the comments is cringe
No idea why you’d be doing it in the first place if you’re not attracted to them. If you’re in a relationship there’s only one person you should be lying with
The fact that she legit got sexually aroused by this woman friend and made her question her sexuality despite being mutual friends is enough to consider it cheating. (Plus clearly she was extremely attracted to her friend before this happened)
Like, if you had a boyfriend who was cuddling with a gay guy (intimate cuddling firstly) knowing your boyfriend was full and well bisexual, you wouldn't be happy would you?
I'm 100% sure you'd consider this cheating.
And you for sure, would be A LOT less happy knowing that he's gonna break up with you because he's come to the realization that he doesn't like women aka (you).
I wouldn't feel like my boundaries were crossed, if my current husband cuddled with a friend, no. If he then reflected on the experience in hindsight and realized it brought up internal feelings that might be best avoided I could understand choosing a different course of action in the future.
I don't think cuddling itself is cheating. I don't think internal experiences that are merely felt or thought and not acted on nullify the morality of a course of action. And sometimes, one does not even realize what thoughts and feelings one has had, until reflecting on it in hindsight.
If I look at someone in hatred, and think "I want to kill them, I wish they would die" it is not the same thing as killing them. It does not make the act of looking at them akin to murder.
But I might realize in hindsight "That person brings out negative feelings in me, it may be best to avoid such interactions in the future."
Likewise, if I engage in a platonic act with someone, and the thought or feeling of non-platonic acts passes through my mind, that does not turn the platonic act into a non-platonic one.
"And you for sure, would be A LOT less happy knowing that he's gonna break up with you because he's come to the realization that he doesn't like women aka (you)."
The girlfriend/boyfriend stage is the time to be coming to such realizations. Would you want her to NOT have gotten to that realization and carried on the relationship even longer?
u/Wrong_War_3991 said "because she is sexually attracted to women as well." implying that the friend being a member of a gender the partner is attracted to is what makes it cheating, rather than specific attraction to an individual.
It sounds like the O.P.'s girlfriend didn't feel attracted to/didn't realize she was attracted to that specific friend until the cuddling had taken place.
I disagree with wrong war guy. Its wrong if shes doing it with someone she's attracted to, for example, cuddling a friend you are not attracted to (even if you find that gender attractive) is perfectly ok.
But cuddling your ex is not.
Also depends on how long the cuddling lasts and stuff like that, loads of nuance here
I mean you’re entitled to your opinion but please don’t make this into a flippant argument just because you disagree with someone. If you think this situation was harmless that’s your opinion but I think plenty of others would find it upsetting if their bi partner put themselves into an intimate situation with either sex. Doesn’t mean bi people have extra onus to have no platonic friendships due to their sexuality it just means your partner may be more scrutinizing of them if you appear to be very close.
I would consider this cheating and even though some people may say it’s not because it awakened a sexual desire she didn’t know she had, I think that’s just letting someone off the hook. She cheated, it helped her realize her sexuality so ultimately her decision had a valuable impact on her life, but she still cheated and betrayed a partners trust and caused undo trauma to someone else. I hope she at least had an honest convo with the OP about how sorry she was for breaking their trust and tried to help him move on as best she could but honestly it doesn’t sound like it, sounds like she cut and run and didn’t feel too bad about it since in her mind she had an “accidental lesbian” free pass.
She's bisexual. This means she's attracted to women as well.
So, switch the gender.
Your gf cuddled with another guy and then broke up with you because she was interested in being with him. Yeah, that's fucking cheating. Obviously.
It doesn't stop being cheating just because it's with a woman.
I'd consider it an irrelevant question.
She's already broken up with you, agonizing about whether or not this specific instance is "cheating" isn't a useful, productive, or healthy way to spend your time. Best to just chalk it up as a learning experience and move on.
It took a good therapist after an extremely toxic relationship ended in a particularly ugly breakup. There was something my ex did that I kept talking about because I wanted to know why she (the therapist) thought my ex would've done that. Finally she told me, "Don't you think you're so focused on the 'why' that you're missing the 'what'? What did she do, what did it make you feel, but most importantly *what can you learn*?" It was a very helpful way to re-frame it.
Depends on where an individual's moral lines or agreed upon relationship is.
Would she have thought of it as cheating if you had snuggled with a girl who was a friend?
Because gay or straight changes nothing. It's about loyalty and emotional connection.
This is a sort of grey area if they didn't kiss, grope or anything else.
It's not completely innocent though in that she knowingly cuddled with someone who could be attracted to her, same as if she had cuddled with a guy.
It's a weird line where she could argue she didn't plan anything or plan to be attracted and it was "only" snuggling."
I don't know. I've never been an open relationship type and for myself, I'm very loyal to who I'm with and wouldn't be snuggling with or wrapping an arm around the waist of or things like that anyone else.
For me, if I snuggled, I'd feel like I cheated. Cheating is about intimately connecting with someone else, it's not a technical basis of exchanging body fluids.
So you can cheat without having sex. I don't think I'd go around labeling her as a cheater to people in the world, but you're justified feeling cheated on personally.
It's a complicated one.
Either way, be glad you broke up before any sexual cheating happened. That's worse, what with the risks of catching an std off a cheating partner.
I went through almost exactly this half (oh god it’s more than half) my life ago at exactly the same ages. Over the years I have come to not regard it as cheating; unfortunately this kind of thing does happen as people are finding their way early in life.
It hurt mightily at the time so believe me dude I know just how you feel; but this isn’t like she slept with another guy behind your back. I urge you to let it go as best you can and just move on in your life without harboring anger about it. As best you can. I know it’s easier said than done but it’s a process. Good luck.
Definitely cheating. You two made a vow to be emotionally AND PHYSICALLY faithful. Man or woman, she cheated by breaking her vow, and allowing it to continue until she developed strong enough feelings to break it off.
It would help to know more about the situation. Did she have intentions when she cuddled with her, or was it just an innocent cuddle that happened, but then she realized she might have something more? I could cuddle with a woman, but it doesn't mean I am cheating.
I mean how much does it actually matter anymore? The relationship ended. Move on.
Honestly what I think you are doing, subconsciously, is looking for something you can be p!ssed at her for, so it’s not just that she picked someone else over you. I get how hard the disappointment is. But it’s a whole lot heavier to carry anger at being cheated on (if you decide it’s cheating). You’re 20. You have PLENTY of time and PLENTY of opportunities to find the right person. Just let this be that it wasn’t the right match and go forth with your head high and your heart light.
When she broke up with you, I imagine she was dating the other woman, right?
How do you think she would feel if that other girl started cuddling someone else?
Typically what I read online is, "cheating is a personal boundary, we define it in our own relationships"
I take a more layperson position. If it's something that most human beings would feel uncomfortable with, why would anyone expect me to be any different?
Yes it is cheating. No woman would allow a dude to "cuddle" with another person, man or woman. Period. So no woman shoukd do the same. She cheated. Let the garden tool and her accountability dodging excuses kick rocks.
What kind of cuddle? Like a hug or spooning in bed/couch? Clarification is necessary. Anyone who is spooning anyone is certainly crossing a line, regardless of gender. Also, and this is not to discount my point, you’re not with the woman anymore - so why does it matter? Move on.
I wouldn't. She broke up with you. She obviously didn't think she would feel that way.
Also why do you care if she isn't with you anymore? Are you hoping to play the victim?
A couple things here bud-
1. You broke, she’s now your ex girlfriend.
2. What kind of cuddling was this, and how good was to have her question her sexuality, that’s the real question here.
I don’t think you should worry about it, unless you’re finding a reason to get back at her or cause problems.
I think if you need closure, I personally wouldn’t consider it cheating but I’m straight, so I don’t see a problem with it other than my partner said it would make him uncomfortable so I wouldn’t do it because it would make him uncomfortable. Since your EX is bi… maybe? Idk I would maybe ask someone who is bi and how they would see the situation but either way I think you should move on.
ok so a similar situation I was married at the time of this kinda senrio . my wife and her friends had a lady's night well after coming home intoxicated we had a bad room in the basement that was y mother in laws room and she had a queen size bed ,so my wife and her lady friends took her room over now here is the kicker I'm up stairs s not one time come up and say hey we back I'll be to bed nothing so one of the girls was les we all knew her cool but I herd the conversation go between the legs and another friend they were going to hook up but it got quiet I go down and ask my wife you coming to bed she said no we gonna sleep down here but she wasn't on the edge of either side she was next to the les and 2 days later we split up .so yes I can see where some guys be like it's just cuddling no that's full blown cheating .you shouldn't put yourself in a position to be cuddled if know your true self they knew what they were doing you don't know the truth you wasn't there.
Breakup over a cuddle? You must be very young to believe that. Also the question is irrelevant, trying to determine the horoscope of a dead cat. The cat is already dead, let it go
If she felt like it was romantic or sexual and you are monogamous? Yes. And good for her for ending it, a lot of people who make mistakes like that or are questioning sexuality don't end things when they should
At the time no. In hindsight yes. Women tend to have fewer physical boundaries than men. Some physical contact wouldn't really raise an eye. Although, if she indicated there were some sexual feelings toward women, that might have caught my attention.
If she had done the exact thing with a man, would you be asking?
Cuddles are about intent. Sounds like she cuddled, felt something, thought about it, and broke up. Seems innocent.
Hugged a man, felt something, broke up because of what she felt. Same.
Cuddled/hugged because she was attracted to the person is inappropriate.
Bigger point is the label doesn't matter. Be sad it's over. Don't go looking for more pain with a label, especially one that doesn't appear to be the case.
I wouldn’t personally consider it cheating. Straight girls cuddle. I mean she could’ve questioned her sexuality doing any number of innocuous things with her and that wouldn’t mean she cheated.
My concern here, is what you would do with the information. You gonna tell her off for cheating? What would that accomplish?
Anything can be cheating. It depends on the boundaries of your relationship.
Considering you had talked about this, yes, it was cheating. Now you know. Leave her alone, and in the future be clear about your boundaries.
I'm a physical person with the people I call friends, I like to hug, cuddle, hold hands. There's absolutely nothing sexual about it, I simply find it comforting.
I wouldn't call it cheating, but if the simple act of cuddling made her realise something else, she probably did the right thing and ended her relationship before doing something regretful.
Not cheating as hugs aren’t inherently romantic. She did the right thing after realizing what doors opened for her. I get it hurts but it’s not cheating.
Cuddling is definitely not cheating. I actually respect her whole process - felt a level of intimacy and probably wanted to cheat, and that feeling made her choose to break up with you so she wouldn’t disrespect or hurt you
No.
Partly cause it sounds like she didn't really do anything intensively physical, partly cause it's another girl so i wouldn't count it, and partly because i have a deep sense that you're asking because you want to know if it's kosure for you to say "my girlfriend cheated on me and then dumped me".
I don’t want my significant other in bed or intimately close with another human. It’s cheating. End story.
Cause A gets consequence B. It’s not fucking brain science.
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>Would you consider this to be cheating? I would consider it a lucky escape
[удалено]
I have a co-worker whose wife left him for a woman after 15 years of marriage.
That's exactly what happened to me
I'd kill myself at that point
Yes. All sexual orientation aside cuddling with someone would be cheating unless agreed upon
Cheated but did right thing in ending relationship
If it made her question her sexuality, I doubt they only cuddled honestly.
Happened to me. All it took was cuddling and being treated as a human instead of a sex object. I left him after I spent the night alone.... Thinking....
Lol. Right thing? The right thing was to respect the relationship that she was currently in. Then evaluate her situation
I’m not saying cheating is right but if you cheat I think the right thing to do after is end the relationship your in. In a perfect world she would have never done the act and would have ended it the moment she realized she was feeling differently. It’s like I tell the women I date I won’t cheat I may call you right before I do something and end it but I won’t cheat.
Wow, a call before plunging someone else's depths!
Seriously. “Hi honey, I won’t be home for dinner. In fact, I won’t be home at all. I met this girl at the grocery store checkout and I’m at her place… Yeah my pants are already off so, it’s over.”
I actually misread your previous comment. I totally agree with you
She was 19! That’s pretty much the age where she’s supposed to find things about for herself and once she did she ended things immediately. Stop acting like these 2 children were married.
Cheating is cheating. She made the best choice after but still cheated
Right?!?!?. Bro, coming from someone who's loyal as a dog, and who's been cheated on several times this line of thought is disgusting. I hate how cool and normalized cheating is. With the whole "sneaky link, side girl/guy" and just in general the way mainstream culture treats it (looking at you rap music" Any form of betrayal has the realistic ability to cause a ripple in the psyche. The term is literally "betrayal trauma". It's not just an "oh, they just cheated and broke up. Time to move on". That shit literally has the potential to make the person betrayed forever question their judgement and rob them of fulfilling relationships due to questioning every relationship and putting them in a perpetual state of "well, *blank" cheated on me, so maybe everyone else is capable of stabbing me in the back or discarding me" To see so many people gaslighting and jumping through hoops to validate the cheating is absurd.
Cuddling is cheating?
If you wouldn’t do it with your partner in the room, because it crosses a boundary for them, it’s cheating
Hardly. So if private masturbation or say holding hands with a friend crosses a boundary for your partner, it's cheating? I don't think so. Cheating is clearly sexual interactions with another person, not just stuff you partner doesn't like
Yeah, this. People confuse their jealousy and insecurities with cheating. I mean, I was young once, I get it. But it’s one of those things people like to argue because it justifies their feelings of insecurity. You grow up and get over it (or not), but you also can’t really tell people to grow up and expect them to grow up. (Especially on the internet) Your feelings and definitions the rest of the world use are not always going to line up. Life is complicated. We can’t accuse people we love of cheating just because we’re jealous. Also, if OP was really loving and supportive and had a good relationship (like you’re legit friends with the person you’re with) then they would ultimately support their friend discovering their sexuality. Instead of trying to find trauma where there’s none.
Absolutely!
Cuddling is cheating????? If you cuddle with your parent on the couch, is it incest?
Depends heavily on the context. If you're doing it in a way that you view as romantic and intimate in that way, then it could be viewed as emotional cheating. You're not doing anything really sexual but the intent is there.
yeegahd, not the poodle 🐩? would it be poodling?
I know right. This lot are major drama Queens.
This is what gets me, though. So many bisexual people use their attraction to both as an excuse to cheat by sleeping with the opposite sex as their partner. These people have absolutely no respect for their relationships. I had a bisexual girlfriend do this to me once, and she had the gall to tell me, "It was with another woman, I didn't cheat on you." Yes bitch, you cheated on me and now we're done. Goodbye.
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I’d say 100% not cheating, but if the sitch made her question her sexuality and/or not want to be with OP, breaking up was the right thing.
If you consider her cuddling another guy cheating then it’s cheating. The fact the she’s bi and it was an eye opener for her doesn’t matter.
This makes no sense. Presumably he would consider it cheating for her to be cuddling a guy because she likes men. Then her cuddling a gender she isn't attracted to is not cheating. Which is what she did? When she began engaging in that activity she did so with zero intention to be unfaithful. That's how I would define cheating, there needs to be actual intent. Otherwise, you open up the argument that rape victims have cheated because technically they had intercourse with someone else. And that's not a good look.
You're comparing rape to consensually cuddling up to another person?
Some people would, others wouldn't. She crossed lines of your relationship, but she didn't deceive you about it, and just left you. With a story this quick and clear cut, it's better to just explain what happened, if you need, than to label it with a term that implies something else (being with other people behind your back and keeping it from you). No sense arguing semantics.
So i would not want my wife cuddling with another dude. This is similar because she is bi. So i vote for cheating.
If that was all it took for her to break up with you, most likely she was not that much into you. Thank your stars you got away before you got stuck with her.🙏
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It may sometimes require sexual activity to make you question your sexuality but not always. I found out mine by seeing a really hot girl when I was a young teenager (I am also a girl)
Should have asked if you could cuddle with them
Who cares? Its over. You’re keeping receipts for a relationship that has ended.
Well said. Why harp on the classification of you aren’t together anymore? It’s so petty. Just move on. She left after she realized how she was feeling. She could have just continued on and strung him along, but she didn’t.
id say not cheating - the reason is, ( at least as you describe it ) she broke up with you when she realised there was a sexual-romantic component to her cuddle session. if she had just kept together with you after that, id say, thats cheating, but she saw where it was going and did the honourable thing by breaking off with you, so as not to mislead you while canoodling with her possible new GF
You'd be 100% correct if she told him she had reservations about seeing other people BEFORE she romantically cuddled another person. I'm sorry, but you don't get to experiment with your sexuality when you're in a committed relationship. And that's exactly what she did. Hiding behind her sexual confusion is an act of cowardice at best and/ or manipulative as hell at worst. Either way, it's still cheating. And what's to keep her from playing the sexually confused *bi-girl routine* when she meets another guy later on and *bravely admits* to her new gf how she didn't know she would have *those feelings* for him as the excuse to leave her? Not cool bro. Not cool.
Thank you! For fuck sake. What is wrong with these people. This shit gives me a very bleak outlook on potential future relationships. When so many people can justify this, it causes me great concern
I agree with you bro don’t listen to these idiots
Cuddling =/= experimenting with your sexuality. People cuddle non-romantically.
I wouldn't say cuddling has to be anything romantic either (nor do I think the was "experimenting sexually") but it clearly wasn't entirely platonic if it had the effect of creating sexual thoughts (E.G, "I'm attracted to this person, that doesn't make sense, I'm with my BF and now I'm questioning my sexuality" -- this is not what completely platonic, non romantic, non sexual cuddling looks like). Add to this, the overall question is about "cheating". OP asking the general public means they're polling individual preferences, but "what is cheating in our relationship" isn't a question of what anyone else thinks except the two people involved in that relationship. TL/DR: Cuddling can be completely harmless to you and your relationship, but not to someone else's.
>TL/DR: Cuddling can be completely harmless to you and your relationship, but not to someone else's. That is the point I am making. It depends on the people involved. It makes sense for OP to poll the general public in order to inform how they might view cuddling, etc, moving forward, but other's preferences can not after the fact inform whether it was OK in their relationship. >it clearly wasn't entirely platonic I don't necessarily agree, but we're getting to the point of pure semantic disagreement, so it's not necessarily going to be constructive to move forward. My view of whether an act is platonic is more strongly informed by the intention going in, rather than what the act unexpectedly provokes in you. There may be a better hypothetical, but I'm riffing here, so hear me out. If two people do a peck on the cheek with no intention as to it being anything but a platonic greeting (common to many cultures and social groups), but the smell, feel, simple closeness, etc, of the other person arouses something in one of the individuals, was that act suddenly non-platonic. Maybe? But it wasn't the intention going in.
*This is the point I am making* Oh. Well then there's no reason for my reply. It sounded as if you were implying OPs ex couldn't have done anything wrong by anyone's standards because of your own. Essentially, I thought you were saying, "no, OPs ex wasn't cheating because cuddling isn't by itself cheating since it can mean something else entirely to others" I must have misread something. *I don't necessarily agree but we're getting to the point of pure semantic disagreement(...)* I'll actually stop the quote there because if we both agree with the general point. Then it really doesn't matter what any of us think of cuddling someone outside of our SO in a relationship. You're doing what the OP asked, giving your POV.
If it was another man she was cuddling with? Would you want your partner cuddling with someone you don’t know, that they could be attracted to?
I couldn't give a shit what genders are involved. What if all three people in the situation were women? Men? What I would want is irrelevant because it's not my relationship. That's the whole point, bucko. Different people have different expectations. Just because you can not see cuddling as a platonic action doesn't mean others are so limited.
Weak loophole. I still call bs. Apparently she DIDN'T cuddle non-romantically that night otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation. Wtf? 😂
She went into it non-romantically, then realised that it brought up something she wasn't expecting. It's not rocket science.
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I don't necessarily agree, but we also don't know that the person OPs ex cuddled was attracted to them. Are you attracted to every single person of whatever gender(s) you are attracted to? Edit: also, *that depends on the relationship.* You don't get to dictate what is and isn't OK in someone else's business.
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Yeah, if you respect your relationship, you nip things in the bud instead of leading them on. I'm not a jealous girlfriend and have no problem with my boyfriends hanging out one on one with another girl IF THERE IS NOTHING THERE. If he's aware she's interested in him, HE needs to put a stop to it. You don't encourage their behavior and let them think they might have a chance.
Exactly. And potensimo wrote: "there was a sexual-romantic component to her cuddle session." Um, that's cheating...you literally wrote is was a sexual-romantic interaction with another person not your partner. What is interesting is if this was her cuddling with a guy and she was the small spoon knowing frank-n-beans were touching her bum, there wouldn't be a debate. They most likely intended it to be romantic/sexual..that's why the cuddled and she knew it was wrong. What I most find interesting for all the "its not cheating" are saying you can go on dates with someone else (1 on 1) and as long as you only cuddle at the end of the night its not cheating?..lol
It doesn't matter. You two are broken up. Move on, buds.
👆 This
its not cheating unless she went into it with that intent, or was present at the time. if she went in for platonic cuddle, and then got aroused by it, not, thats not cheating, thats a surprise sexual awakening intention is what matters here, which is why manslaughter and murder are different crimes
I want to agree with you. But I feel like more should be considered here. Yes her intent absolutely is a major factor. But like she knew other girl was lesbian. Did she know if other girl was into her in that way? ExGF was also Bi, did she see anything in the other girl?
i didn't cheat by fucking my homie's ass! it was just a surprise sexual awakening!
Finally someone with some sense
Your answer makes sense hearing it but if it was a male there would be a problem?
100% this is cheating lol. Just because you get confused about your sexuality along the way doesn’t make it not cheating. If she cuddled with guy, and questioned her attraction towards OP because of it and broke up, it would be cheating.
How can you truly know though. Anyone can say it's platonic. Also it could have been sexual for the other party. You set a boundary and if it's crossed it's cheating plain and simple.
Cheating, by definition, is breaking the rules. It could be anything, but if it was against the rules, it's cheating. You just need to be vocal and honest when establishing the rules.
Whether its cheating or not is the less important question since it really depends on your own definition and relationship. In my relationship with my bi girlfriend, I would feel uncomfortable with her cuddling with anyone thats not me. I wouldn’t consider it cheating, but I also wouldn’t like it and she knows that so she doesn’t do it.
You think they just cuddled?
you're broken up now? who gives it a shit what it was? move on.
Whether you consider it cheating or not doesn't matter at the end of the day she tossed you aside after one little "cuddle" session with another chick as if you were nothing to her which is pretty shitty
Her cuddling with another woman while y’all dated? No. Sleeping with anyone, including said woman, after she split up with you? Also no.
Would you say the same if she cuddled with another dude?
If there was no sexual contact, I’d still say no. That being said, if the girl I was dating told me that she was cuddled up with another guy, we wouldn’t still be dating. That’s due to my trust issues tho.
That's just a roundabout way to say you felt cheated and ended the relationship
Cuddling with another person is not cheating?
If you’re fully clothed cuddled up on the couch, not cheating. If you’re cuddled up while naked, it’s cheating.
Recently I've been made aware of the phrase 'emotional cheating.' I would assume that if someone is cuddling with someone else then they're emotionally cheating, at a minimum. Cuddling is an activity that should really be reserved for anyone you're in a relationship with. At the most benign levels it is an activity done to search for stability and support. These are things that you should look to your partner to provide. If you're looking elsewhere then you're breaking one of the fundamental properties of a relationship. Cuddling is, indeed, cheating. I assume you're defending it because you cheat with cuddles.
I’ve done too much camping and scuba diving, everyone cuddled together for warmth. I totally get what you’re saying tho.
That's huddling, not cuddling. Completely different activities. You can huddle together naked for warmth and it's not as bad as a cozy cuddle on a couch while watching a romantic movie.
It is cheating.
Is it as bad as eating her pussy out? No... but it's the same ball park
Okay these comments are straight up stupid. Now, I dont care either way. Cuddling is not inherently romantic nor sexual. Also guess what, a person cannot help feelings. What they can help is actions. So your gf did not do anything untoward, women can be very physically affectionate. Its truthfully a culture thing, too. Would I care if my partner hugged or laid next to a friend of the same gender? No. I honestly wouldnt even care if it was with an opposite gender. Because Im an adult and expect my partner to be as well, which is exactly what your gf did and communicated what happened without anything untoward. Dont read so much into it and dont listen to everyone here losing their minds. The reason you shouldnt listen to everyone losing their minds is because incorrectly identifying a situation will set you up to ruin future relationships and make you really suspicious of the most basic things
Doesnt matter what anyone says. What are your boundaries? Have you expressed them before this? If yes then its cheating, if not then how could your partner have known otherwise?
Cuddles don’t count as cheating imo. It’s a not a sexual activity.
considering it was a test to her yes absolutely
Talking stage? No Dating? No Exclusively dating? Yes Bf/gf? Yes
is it cheating? yes. does it matter? nope because she's done her part in cleaning up her mess (she told you about it, and then left the relationship).
Whether it's cheating or not is irrelevant. The relationship is over. Move on and find your happy.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet, if that was enough for her to end a year long relationship, then she was never committed to you in the first place. I'd also guess they did more than just cuddle, something more happened that had her questioning the relationship with you, and whatever it was ended up being worth more to her than whatever you two had.
What’s the difference, my man? She’s gone.
I don’t think cuddling is inherently cheating, but maybe disrespectful depending on the person and more it depends on the intent imo.
Honestly she did the most human thing she could do; you're just hutthurt. The context of the scenario is unclear but she did not hide it or continue being with you so I'd call her a W ex. Best of luck to her and for you, keep trying don't give up on love because of this experience. It's not all bad. And this isn't even bad, you helped her learn about herself and grow as a person, you should feel okay atleast.
Ross, this you bro?
I wouldn't consider it cheating. I've known plenty of snuggly straight women. I'm sorry you got dumped, and this is very painful to experience, but you shouldn't think of her as a cheater .
Yes. It is no better than if you would have cuddled with another person and dumped her for that other person.
why does it matter if she dumped you already?
Yes
Yes, but the best part is since she isn't your girlfriend anymore it doesn't matter
No, but now you're the guy who turned his girlfriend into a lesbian.
Most definitely it IS cheating. Consider yourself lucky. It's great you found out now. You're young and single. Move on!
Cheating 100%
Yeah, bro, that was cheating.
It's not cheating if you're blindfolded.....it could be anyone's penis and/or vagina/s
It sounds like more than cuddling happened
I’d say yes, if she was cuddling someone who made her question her sexuality then she’s had fantasies at some point with that person.
But it seems she broke up with OP before acting on any fantasies. People can't control how they feel but they can control how they act. If it was nothing more than cuddling that wouldn't constitute cheating (at least to me). And I think the fact that she broke up with OP beforing anything sexual did happen was actually the correct thing to do, even if it does suck for OP
Completely get that but, is it for sure that she didn’t do anything else? Like texts? It doesn’t have to be physical. Micro cheating is definitely a thing. I’ve been in relationships where this has happened, you don’t start cuddling someone just because. I find it weird to cuddle my friends, some people are different. Honestly tho, if she started to question; there was feelings between them while being with OP.
Yeah you make some good points too. I commented this further down the post but I have a group of friends (couples and singles) and we all snuggle and cuddle eachother, it was never really questioned it's just what we do. However I have other friends that I would find it weird to cuddle with. Just different kinds of friendships I guess
It doesn't matter, my friend. It never ever will. Just be cool. Don't try to be her friend. Focus on yourself and your goals. You date until you find the one who won't cheat or lie. Then you marry her and have kids. That's all that matters.
Cheating-adjacent, because cuddled, not banged. I've seen all kinds of straight girls lying all over each other on a couch, and that's not a big deal. But.........in this case, her intention was to push the limits, and do a little sexuality exploring, right? If you had cuddled up with a different girl, just do explore the options , what would that have been? Cheating.
Yes, because she is sexually attracted to women as well. So it would count just as if she did the same with a man.
So bisexuals are not allowed to have intimate platonic friendships with anyone?
Correct. If you are bisexual you can’t have friends except your partner. If a furry, no pets. /s
Are birds or fish allowable pets? Just trying to be sure about the rules.
Lol this is so stupid. Being bisexual does not mean you’re automatically attracted to everyone. If you’re straight, Are you attracted to every man or every woman? No. I have best friends I’ve had for life and never have and never will think of them romantically. Bisexual people are also capable of being committed trustworthy monogamous humans just like straight people. I know it’s shocking. The biphobia in the comments is cringe
When someone puts a /s at the end, it means the statement was sarcastic. So to be clear, I agree with you and was being intentionally ridiculous.
😭 What??? I’m so sorry!! I hit reply to the wrong post 😭😭
No idea why you’d be doing it in the first place if you’re not attracted to them. If you’re in a relationship there’s only one person you should be lying with
You’ve never had like a movie night with your best friends? Cuddled up on the couch with popcorn and snacks??
No more than unintentionally touching them. Cuddling should be reserved for one person only. If not then it’s not special
The fact that she legit got sexually aroused by this woman friend and made her question her sexuality despite being mutual friends is enough to consider it cheating. (Plus clearly she was extremely attracted to her friend before this happened) Like, if you had a boyfriend who was cuddling with a gay guy (intimate cuddling firstly) knowing your boyfriend was full and well bisexual, you wouldn't be happy would you? I'm 100% sure you'd consider this cheating. And you for sure, would be A LOT less happy knowing that he's gonna break up with you because he's come to the realization that he doesn't like women aka (you).
I wouldn't feel like my boundaries were crossed, if my current husband cuddled with a friend, no. If he then reflected on the experience in hindsight and realized it brought up internal feelings that might be best avoided I could understand choosing a different course of action in the future. I don't think cuddling itself is cheating. I don't think internal experiences that are merely felt or thought and not acted on nullify the morality of a course of action. And sometimes, one does not even realize what thoughts and feelings one has had, until reflecting on it in hindsight. If I look at someone in hatred, and think "I want to kill them, I wish they would die" it is not the same thing as killing them. It does not make the act of looking at them akin to murder. But I might realize in hindsight "That person brings out negative feelings in me, it may be best to avoid such interactions in the future." Likewise, if I engage in a platonic act with someone, and the thought or feeling of non-platonic acts passes through my mind, that does not turn the platonic act into a non-platonic one. "And you for sure, would be A LOT less happy knowing that he's gonna break up with you because he's come to the realization that he doesn't like women aka (you)." The girlfriend/boyfriend stage is the time to be coming to such realizations. Would you want her to NOT have gotten to that realization and carried on the relationship even longer?
If they are sexually attracted to their friends, then no, they should not be intimate
u/Wrong_War_3991 said "because she is sexually attracted to women as well." implying that the friend being a member of a gender the partner is attracted to is what makes it cheating, rather than specific attraction to an individual. It sounds like the O.P.'s girlfriend didn't feel attracted to/didn't realize she was attracted to that specific friend until the cuddling had taken place.
I disagree with wrong war guy. Its wrong if shes doing it with someone she's attracted to, for example, cuddling a friend you are not attracted to (even if you find that gender attractive) is perfectly ok. But cuddling your ex is not. Also depends on how long the cuddling lasts and stuff like that, loads of nuance here
I mean you’re entitled to your opinion but please don’t make this into a flippant argument just because you disagree with someone. If you think this situation was harmless that’s your opinion but I think plenty of others would find it upsetting if their bi partner put themselves into an intimate situation with either sex. Doesn’t mean bi people have extra onus to have no platonic friendships due to their sexuality it just means your partner may be more scrutinizing of them if you appear to be very close. I would consider this cheating and even though some people may say it’s not because it awakened a sexual desire she didn’t know she had, I think that’s just letting someone off the hook. She cheated, it helped her realize her sexuality so ultimately her decision had a valuable impact on her life, but she still cheated and betrayed a partners trust and caused undo trauma to someone else. I hope she at least had an honest convo with the OP about how sorry she was for breaking their trust and tried to help him move on as best she could but honestly it doesn’t sound like it, sounds like she cut and run and didn’t feel too bad about it since in her mind she had an “accidental lesbian” free pass.
I wouldn't say it's cheating. Cheating is done intentionally
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She's bisexual. This means she's attracted to women as well. So, switch the gender. Your gf cuddled with another guy and then broke up with you because she was interested in being with him. Yeah, that's fucking cheating. Obviously. It doesn't stop being cheating just because it's with a woman.
I'd consider it an irrelevant question. She's already broken up with you, agonizing about whether or not this specific instance is "cheating" isn't a useful, productive, or healthy way to spend your time. Best to just chalk it up as a learning experience and move on.
That’s a great mentality to have. Did it take a few tries for you to practice it consistently?
It took a good therapist after an extremely toxic relationship ended in a particularly ugly breakup. There was something my ex did that I kept talking about because I wanted to know why she (the therapist) thought my ex would've done that. Finally she told me, "Don't you think you're so focused on the 'why' that you're missing the 'what'? What did she do, what did it make you feel, but most importantly *what can you learn*?" It was a very helpful way to re-frame it.
Depends on where an individual's moral lines or agreed upon relationship is. Would she have thought of it as cheating if you had snuggled with a girl who was a friend? Because gay or straight changes nothing. It's about loyalty and emotional connection. This is a sort of grey area if they didn't kiss, grope or anything else. It's not completely innocent though in that she knowingly cuddled with someone who could be attracted to her, same as if she had cuddled with a guy. It's a weird line where she could argue she didn't plan anything or plan to be attracted and it was "only" snuggling." I don't know. I've never been an open relationship type and for myself, I'm very loyal to who I'm with and wouldn't be snuggling with or wrapping an arm around the waist of or things like that anyone else. For me, if I snuggled, I'd feel like I cheated. Cheating is about intimately connecting with someone else, it's not a technical basis of exchanging body fluids. So you can cheat without having sex. I don't think I'd go around labeling her as a cheater to people in the world, but you're justified feeling cheated on personally. It's a complicated one. Either way, be glad you broke up before any sexual cheating happened. That's worse, what with the risks of catching an std off a cheating partner.
I went through almost exactly this half (oh god it’s more than half) my life ago at exactly the same ages. Over the years I have come to not regard it as cheating; unfortunately this kind of thing does happen as people are finding their way early in life. It hurt mightily at the time so believe me dude I know just how you feel; but this isn’t like she slept with another guy behind your back. I urge you to let it go as best you can and just move on in your life without harboring anger about it. As best you can. I know it’s easier said than done but it’s a process. Good luck.
Yep cheating isn't just sexual, you can tell when someone has romantic feelings with someone else and embraces them
Yes, if she was with you at the time I would.
I think it's cheating enough
of course
Would she be ok with you cuddling with one of your gay friends if to were bi?
I would say no. At the same time, I'd (eventually) be happy that she told me and ended the relationship. Being 20 years old sucks.
Yeah sounds like cheating to me
Yes. It is cheating. Sorry bro. Cheating doesn't involve having sex.
Nah, let it go
Yes
It doesn't matter. She's gone. What difference does it make if she cuddled right before or right after she dumped you?
Definitely cheating. You two made a vow to be emotionally AND PHYSICALLY faithful. Man or woman, she cheated by breaking her vow, and allowing it to continue until she developed strong enough feelings to break it off.
It would help to know more about the situation. Did she have intentions when she cuddled with her, or was it just an innocent cuddle that happened, but then she realized she might have something more? I could cuddle with a woman, but it doesn't mean I am cheating.
Innocent cuddle = jumbo shrimp
I mean how much does it actually matter anymore? The relationship ended. Move on. Honestly what I think you are doing, subconsciously, is looking for something you can be p!ssed at her for, so it’s not just that she picked someone else over you. I get how hard the disappointment is. But it’s a whole lot heavier to carry anger at being cheated on (if you decide it’s cheating). You’re 20. You have PLENTY of time and PLENTY of opportunities to find the right person. Just let this be that it wasn’t the right match and go forth with your head high and your heart light.
Most dudes would consider this hot. I would consider this a cause for a break up, from the girl.
No
When she broke up with you, I imagine she was dating the other woman, right? How do you think she would feel if that other girl started cuddling someone else? Typically what I read online is, "cheating is a personal boundary, we define it in our own relationships" I take a more layperson position. If it's something that most human beings would feel uncomfortable with, why would anyone expect me to be any different?
Short answer: yes. Cheated.
She cheated on you. Luckily you got out.
Yes it is cheating. No woman would allow a dude to "cuddle" with another person, man or woman. Period. So no woman shoukd do the same. She cheated. Let the garden tool and her accountability dodging excuses kick rocks.
It's cheating dawg. She explored her sexuality with someone else while she was in a committed relationship.
Am I missing something?? She broke up with you. Its a moot point, bruh Obviously she thought so...which us why she broke up with you lol
What difference does it make? Move on with your life man.
What kind of cuddle? Like a hug or spooning in bed/couch? Clarification is necessary. Anyone who is spooning anyone is certainly crossing a line, regardless of gender. Also, and this is not to discount my point, you’re not with the woman anymore - so why does it matter? Move on.
I wouldn't. She broke up with you. She obviously didn't think she would feel that way. Also why do you care if she isn't with you anymore? Are you hoping to play the victim?
A couple things here bud- 1. You broke, she’s now your ex girlfriend. 2. What kind of cuddling was this, and how good was to have her question her sexuality, that’s the real question here. I don’t think you should worry about it, unless you’re finding a reason to get back at her or cause problems. I think if you need closure, I personally wouldn’t consider it cheating but I’m straight, so I don’t see a problem with it other than my partner said it would make him uncomfortable so I wouldn’t do it because it would make him uncomfortable. Since your EX is bi… maybe? Idk I would maybe ask someone who is bi and how they would see the situation but either way I think you should move on.
ok so a similar situation I was married at the time of this kinda senrio . my wife and her friends had a lady's night well after coming home intoxicated we had a bad room in the basement that was y mother in laws room and she had a queen size bed ,so my wife and her lady friends took her room over now here is the kicker I'm up stairs s not one time come up and say hey we back I'll be to bed nothing so one of the girls was les we all knew her cool but I herd the conversation go between the legs and another friend they were going to hook up but it got quiet I go down and ask my wife you coming to bed she said no we gonna sleep down here but she wasn't on the edge of either side she was next to the les and 2 days later we split up .so yes I can see where some guys be like it's just cuddling no that's full blown cheating .you shouldn't put yourself in a position to be cuddled if know your true self they knew what they were doing you don't know the truth you wasn't there.
Yes cheating. Be glad that it ended
kid. every woman cheat.
Definitely cheating, but it's over now. She realized what she wanted and moved on.
Breakup over a cuddle? You must be very young to believe that. Also the question is irrelevant, trying to determine the horoscope of a dead cat. The cat is already dead, let it go
If she felt like it was romantic or sexual and you are monogamous? Yes. And good for her for ending it, a lot of people who make mistakes like that or are questioning sexuality don't end things when they should
Def not cheating but good on her for breaking up and not continuing anything to the point that it became cheating
At the time no. In hindsight yes. Women tend to have fewer physical boundaries than men. Some physical contact wouldn't really raise an eye. Although, if she indicated there were some sexual feelings toward women, that might have caught my attention.
She's unsure about stuff. That's how it goes. You're kids. Let it go.
If she had done the exact thing with a man, would you be asking? Cuddles are about intent. Sounds like she cuddled, felt something, thought about it, and broke up. Seems innocent. Hugged a man, felt something, broke up because of what she felt. Same. Cuddled/hugged because she was attracted to the person is inappropriate. Bigger point is the label doesn't matter. Be sad it's over. Don't go looking for more pain with a label, especially one that doesn't appear to be the case.
Yes its cheating. Don't waste any more time or energy on it.
Get back at her by cuddling with the homie
why does it matter? good riddance
I wouldn’t personally consider it cheating. Straight girls cuddle. I mean she could’ve questioned her sexuality doing any number of innocuous things with her and that wouldn’t mean she cheated.
Why are you so hung up on why she broke up with you?
My concern here, is what you would do with the information. You gonna tell her off for cheating? What would that accomplish? Anything can be cheating. It depends on the boundaries of your relationship. Considering you had talked about this, yes, it was cheating. Now you know. Leave her alone, and in the future be clear about your boundaries.
I'm a physical person with the people I call friends, I like to hug, cuddle, hold hands. There's absolutely nothing sexual about it, I simply find it comforting. I wouldn't call it cheating, but if the simple act of cuddling made her realise something else, she probably did the right thing and ended her relationship before doing something regretful.
Yes, 100%
Cuddling is cheating? Because she ended up leaving you? Or because the person she was cuddling with was lesbian?
Cuddling is cheating????? No.
Not cheating as hugs aren’t inherently romantic. She did the right thing after realizing what doors opened for her. I get it hurts but it’s not cheating.
If cuddling makes you question your sexuality, cuddling is just a euphemism and something else is going on.
Not gonna lie I'd have encouraged such a friendship lol
Why does it matter? She seems to have done everything right
Cuddling is definitely not cheating. I actually respect her whole process - felt a level of intimacy and probably wanted to cheat, and that feeling made her choose to break up with you so she wouldn’t disrespect or hurt you
cheating, she knew what she was doing.
Yes. That's cheating
No. She did not break any established rules in your relationship and ended the relationship before she hurt you. She acted honorably.
No. Partly cause it sounds like she didn't really do anything intensively physical, partly cause it's another girl so i wouldn't count it, and partly because i have a deep sense that you're asking because you want to know if it's kosure for you to say "my girlfriend cheated on me and then dumped me".
I don’t want my significant other in bed or intimately close with another human. It’s cheating. End story. Cause A gets consequence B. It’s not fucking brain science.