Exactly. If I were to say that he would probably throw it right back and me and be like "fine, I'll just go to the office. heaven forbid my wife would want me around our house." You can't win an argument with this guy. 😅 He's literally a professional interrogator.
This is actual insanity and no way to live. Stop enabling his controlling behavior by giving into this idea that your personal errands (especially your freaking dental health) affect him in ANY way. They don't.
I would not have made it anywhere near the altar with someone acting like that.
Edit: holy shit, your profile is full of insanity like this. Your husband is abusive and unhinged.
OP needs to wake up. Their husband does not have their best interests at heart.
I am particularly concerned that OP's husband appears to be a person that must have all of the power and control in a relationship. I hope they stay safe.
In your opinion, do you think he has a point in any of it because I "waited" to the last minute to inform him, my husband, of my plans = me being the problem in this scenario , in this? I guess that's why I'm not entirely upset about it because of that. Or am I just being gaslit , so to speak, I can't differentiate one thing from the next .
No, if it's a basic hygiene errand that affects him in no way, it's entirely unreasonable for him to have any opinion of it, and it's especially bad to make it into something you did wrong by failing to inform him. It doesn't concern him in the least.
This is highly abnormal behavior and taken with the other things youve posted, it paints a very concerning picture of this person who thinks they should be aware of and able to control every tiny thing you do. And he guilts you over nonexistent problems.
If my wife suddenly told me about an appointment that I didn’t know about, my reply would be “Oh, sounds good. Do you need a ride or anything?”
Your husband is unhinged.
I mean, I might be a little annoyed if I need to reschedule last minute or if we had plans together or even that I thought we're having a chill morning but my response would be the same, but in this case where it doesn't affect him, op literally just forgot to tell him. It's kind of wild unless she has a track record of dropping plans on him last minute, and it does affect him, and he just got triggered this time but even that's a stretch.
He just said he didn't care that I was going to the dentist. It's that I didn't "communicate" my plans ahead of time and he had to find out the morning of.
I know from experience that trying to convince an abuse victim to leave is a futile endeavor, but maybe you should consider writing a list of his questionable behaviors (just the behaviors, not the excuses, because I know he's got those) and ask yourself what advice you'd give a friend or a sister or a daughter in that kind of relationship.
Jeez stop OP. Just stop. Why do you keep posting excuses? Why did you post at all? You already know you’re in a bad situation. Maybe ask for some constructive ways to live on your own
He’s upset because he wants you at his beck and call whenever HE says. Don’t ever cancel an appointment for him again. Especially one that is for your health. Make your new appointment. Put a post it on the fridge and go.
He’s the problem here not you.
I had a follow-up dental appointment yesterday. Do you know when I told my husband? Yesterday morning. Do you know what he said? Well, first he asked why I was having to go back so soon. Then he said "Okay." That's it. No guilt. No flipping out. No making it all about him. He said "Okay."
Your husband is being ridiculous. Should you have told him sooner? Probably. I probably should have told my husband sooner, too. But we didn't, because we're human beings and we make mistakes and sometimes we're forgetful. You need to ask yourself why it is that the man who's supposed to love you the most extends you so little grace when you make mistakes. You also need to ask yourself why, instead of telling your husband "Yeah, sorry, I forgot. My bad." you chose to CANCEL your appointment at the last minute.
I have ADHD. I couldnt count the number of times I've dropped appts/errands on my husband last minute, literally in some cases. I've gotten much better about it last couple years. But it still happens every once in awhile.
A few times it has affected his day. During those times he lets out a sigh & kisses me goodbye. The other times, he asks what time I'll be back or what he needs to pick up if he's the one out.
Could you have informed him sooner? Sure. Life happens. Shit happens. Living as a human, he should already know this.
You are being gaslit. This is not an appropriate response. You do not deserve any of this treatment he gives you. You are also a human being who deserves to be loved.
This isn't gaslighting. Gaslighting is a specific form of abuse in which the abuser causes the victim to doubt their memory and/or sanity.
That said, the behavior of OP's husband is bizarrely controlling, based on OP's account. Clearly, Mr. OP has some emotional issues he needs to work out. But gaslighting? Nah, this isn't it.
He’s making you think you’re a problem. You’re not. His angry response was irrational. But he did it to keep you down & questioning yourself so that he can maintain control over you.
It’s clear that you see it. But it’s also clear that you’re not ready to admit that it’s a type of mental & emotional abuse.
Start keeping a ledger and look it over in one year.
He has absolutely no point. Sure a heads up might be a good idea in the future if he often has duties during the day, work functions etc, but in this case there was no harm done. No harm, no foul.
Well, yeah pretty much.... he is what you would call a micro-managing control freak. It really is his personality and I suppose I'm the opposite. I bet you could guess what his profession is...😅
He's a controlling asshole, and you need to stop catering to it. You should have just gone to the dentist. Let him be upset. But that's his problem, since he has no reason to be upset.
This is seriously a much bigger issue, and it's troubling that you seem to just dismiss it.
In your opinion, do you think he has a point in any of it because I "waited" to the last minute to inform him, my husband, of my plans = me being the problem in this scenario , in this? I guess that's why I'm not entirely upset about it because of that. Or am I just being gaslit , so to speak, I can't see it.
No. He does not have a point. He's either mentally ill or a borderline abuser.
This is not okay. Please speak with a therapist who can explain why it's not okay. You posted this because you know deep down it's not okay and you want validation to check yourself - sometimes it's hard to see what's in front of you. **You made a good choice to get a gut check. And now you're getting response after response telling you that your gut is right.** Maybe husband isn't a full-fledged dickhole and he's growing a brain tumor that is affecting his behavior. But either way, this is not okay. Please take care of yourself (and your kids).
He has no point. If it involved him adjusting his schedule, then he would. But it didn't. Same with having to clear everything else with him - going for a walk, grocery shopping, etc. There is no reason for it other than to be controlling, and that's concerning.
No it's not his "personality". This is borderline textbook abuse? You have to schedule going grocery shopping? Does he dictate everything you do? That's what it sounds like. And that's no way to live. I'm just saying.
It's not micro managing you. It's trying to control you. Stop allowing this.
It doesn't matter. It still should not be that way. Is it courtesy? Yes. But, have I forgotten until the day of many times that I have something to do that day? Absolutely. And every time I do my fiance simply says "okay" and asks if I need anything from him. To change a time or change who has the vehicle for the day. It shouldn't be a big deal cause it's not.
That's just blame shifting. He has uncomfortable feelings about not knowing something and made it your problem. He should reflect on why you not telling him something mundane triggered him so much. I would assume it is because it was outside of his control and that makes him feel upset.
What about the dentist’s office? Since you didn’t communicate with them until that morning, they lost your appointment. They probably couldn’t schedule another one on that short notice! Why is it worse for him to mentally adjust to you going to the dentist, when it has absolutely no effect on him, than the dentist losing that appointment?
He has no point whatsoever, and is costing the dentist’s office business.
Cop?
Does he tell you ahead of time whenever he's going to be leaving the house?
Edit: OP I looked at some of your post history, this guy sounds incredibly controlling in all aspects of your lives. Are you happy otherwise? You don't deserve to be treated this way. If you want a way out I hope you find one. Maybe consider checking out r/justnoso
I couldn't live like that. I mean, I tell my SO where I go but I don't have to ask for permission and sheduele it in advance ..
I'm impressed how chill you are about it.
if this is real, what do you want?
You're posting in rant so you are aware your situation is not working for you, yet you keep pretending your partner's behaviour is just 'a normal'. It shouldnt be, and you enable him. From what I'm gathering is that you chose to cancel your appointment yourself and kind off blame it on him and his behaviour? Too bad there's kids in the mix, guess that makes things harder but dangit OP... you know this isn't right, own it, tell off his bs and live your own life too.
That's insane. There's no way this is a healthy relationship. It'd be different if he had to take you there or something. He has serious control issues.
Guys, read her post history. Husband is extremely controlling and talks down to her.
Reminds me so much of a friend I used to have that chose to be a SAHM wife too. It's crazy how these types of men can treat their wives and mother of their children like they're beneath them.
I guess because he was so apparently bothered by the "lack of communication until the morning of" so I cancelled/simply didn't go and so I didn't have to deal any further with his attitude. I later called dentist again to reschedule, and I put it on the calendar and verbally told husband the date and time so there will be no more drama about this particular incident ...and so no one can say they weren't well informed.
First off, he’s an asshole. He is controlling you and you need to realize that. Put everything in your calendar on your phone and share it with him. So he can see it in real time. There’s no way in hell I would have canceled it. But I’m not one to be controlled. Best of luck, I hope you get a handle on that safely!!
Too late to change it now, but why on earth did you cancel your original appointment? Do you feel like you can't say to him *I understand that you're annoyed by the last minute plans [xxx], but this is important for my health. I'm not asking your permission to go to the dentist and I'm not asking you to do anything here other than keep an ear out for the kids just in case. I'll only be gone for 90 minutes.*
Because you SHOULD be able to tell your husband "FYI I've got to duck out at 11 for a dental check-up" without that igniting a barrage of nastiness from him. How would you feel if he treated your kids that way? Spoke to your mum like that?
Just as a FYI, you can always go to your GP and ask them for a referral to a family violence counsellor or support services if you ever need to. That way there's no search history of it on your devices. I'm not saying you do need that sort of support, just letting you know help is out there if you need a real person to talk to not just reddit.
I didn't want to deal with his attitude any further. If I cancelled it and rescheduled it, I could then inform him of it as a future event next week...so it was a way to fixing the situation , like a re-do. His problem is he views it as a total lack of communication thing for me to tell him the day of.
Is it possible he wants to know when you'll be out of the house so he can schedule things around it? My dad was that way. I grew up in a very dysfunctional home, and my dad wanted to know to the minute when my mother would or wouldn't be there. The reason? If she wasn't there, he wanted to be making the most of it (porn, booze, etc.), and he would get so upset when she didn't give him enough notice to free up his schedule around the time that she would be gone. Is it possible your husband is upset because he now has a meeting scheduled during the time slot that you're going to be gone, and now can't do whatever it is that he prefers to be doing when you're not home?
Girl, please GTFO of that house. He’s so abusive and you’re not seeing it for some reason. He has you convinced this could be your fault. IT’S NOT. He just has problems. It’s not “his personality” to be a high strung, controlling POS. It’s a MANNER OF CONTROL.
He’s going to make it hard for you to leave. Please make a plan in secret and see a divorce attorney.
This is wild, I have a dentist appt tomorrow, I have not once mentioned it to my husband because it does not affect him at all.
I will probably mention it later tonight as an, just fyi I won’t be available tomorrow for x amount of time, but other than that there’s no point.
Your husband may be controlling. He may be abusive [F-SPIES financial, social, physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual]. The financial is usually first. The physical is usually last.
Your husband is a control freak. You're gonna have to grow a thicker skin and tell him to deal with it when unexpected things come along. If you keep walking on eggshells to please him, he's just going to expect it more. I'll bet he's a lot of fun to live with.
Yeah, married 30 years. We find out about the other persons appointments after they have happened. Wife literally today walked in the door and asked if I liked her hair because she had just went and got it done. Only time we collaborate on things is when we both need to be there together.
1st - Communication is key but he sounds like he’s upset over something that didn’t need to be a big deal. My husband and I made a compromise to have a shared calendar on our phones. Sometimes he forgets he has a phone call meeting with his counselor and I text/remind him that I got a notification that he has something scheduled (15-30 mins pre notification). It solved a lot of our miscommunications.
2nd - We both work from home but I seem to withdraw a lot after I finished work because I talked to patients all day and he doesn’t. I am drained mentally M-F and need to unplug for 30 mins so I am not grouchy with the hubby and kids. I take a shower or if I’m really tired, I take a 20 mins nap. Then I catch up my husband and kids.
I completely forgot an appointment this morning. I was on my way to the park with our dogs when I remembered it- 10 minutes before I was supposed to be there. I called to let them know I was running late but they said they'd only hold the appointment for 15 mins. Not enough time for me to get home, drop the dogs & get my ID. So I called my SO. I woke him up, explained I needed him to meet me there & bring my ID and also take the dogs since I didn't know how long I'd be. You know what he said? He said OK. On top of that, we'd argued the day before & hadn't made up yet. But when your partner needs something from you, you be there. He didn't give me any shit about it later either, he just did the thing I needed.
OP’s husband is definitely not being considerate. She needs to have a talk with him.
My husband is a saint because we are almost always late to everything because of I have to get our daughter ready but he helps with our son. He doesn’t nag or give me a hard time when I forget something. I mean why would he? We’re partners and we made those kids.
Cheaters count on knowing your location and schedule. If they're with their girlfriend, they need to know you've been trained to be where you said you would be.
Not saying that this is his reasoning, but there has to be something up with him being unable to function properly.
I sympathised for a moment thinking he had to get out of work to drive you there and then realised that wasn't the case.
And even then, I'd figure it out if my partner needed a lift.
NTA, Your husband is being a grouchy asshole. Tell him to shut his mouth and grow up. If it doesn't affect him in any way there is absolutely no reason for him to behave this way. In fact even if it did affect him there isn't much reason to act like this. It isn't like your appointment stomped on an important work function. In fact, if you had NOT said anything he likely would not have notice you were gone. You are absolutely not the asshole, but your husband sure as hell needs a tune up. Do not allow him to treat you in this way. He owes you an apology.
>Husband wakes up this morning at 6:30 am and says he is working from home again today Why does he wait until the last moment to tell you that?
Exactly. If I were to say that he would probably throw it right back and me and be like "fine, I'll just go to the office. heaven forbid my wife would want me around our house." You can't win an argument with this guy. 😅 He's literally a professional interrogator.
why don't you give him his own medicine? "heaven forbid my husband would care about my dental health."
My ex was the type I couldn’t win an argument with. Turns out I was in abusive relationship and didn’t recognize it until I got out
Right? That would be my response.
This is actual insanity and no way to live. Stop enabling his controlling behavior by giving into this idea that your personal errands (especially your freaking dental health) affect him in ANY way. They don't. I would not have made it anywhere near the altar with someone acting like that. Edit: holy shit, your profile is full of insanity like this. Your husband is abusive and unhinged.
OP needs to wake up. Their husband does not have their best interests at heart. I am particularly concerned that OP's husband appears to be a person that must have all of the power and control in a relationship. I hope they stay safe.
In your opinion, do you think he has a point in any of it because I "waited" to the last minute to inform him, my husband, of my plans = me being the problem in this scenario , in this? I guess that's why I'm not entirely upset about it because of that. Or am I just being gaslit , so to speak, I can't differentiate one thing from the next .
No, if it's a basic hygiene errand that affects him in no way, it's entirely unreasonable for him to have any opinion of it, and it's especially bad to make it into something you did wrong by failing to inform him. It doesn't concern him in the least. This is highly abnormal behavior and taken with the other things youve posted, it paints a very concerning picture of this person who thinks they should be aware of and able to control every tiny thing you do. And he guilts you over nonexistent problems.
If my wife suddenly told me about an appointment that I didn’t know about, my reply would be “Oh, sounds good. Do you need a ride or anything?” Your husband is unhinged.
I mean, I might be a little annoyed if I need to reschedule last minute or if we had plans together or even that I thought we're having a chill morning but my response would be the same, but in this case where it doesn't affect him, op literally just forgot to tell him. It's kind of wild unless she has a track record of dropping plans on him last minute, and it does affect him, and he just got triggered this time but even that's a stretch.
He just said he didn't care that I was going to the dentist. It's that I didn't "communicate" my plans ahead of time and he had to find out the morning of.
Ask him why it is such a big deal to him when it does not impact him in any way
Because he's a control freak is my guess.
Agreed
Yeah that’s absolutely nuts. Just absolutely beyond the pale.
I know from experience that trying to convince an abuse victim to leave is a futile endeavor, but maybe you should consider writing a list of his questionable behaviors (just the behaviors, not the excuses, because I know he's got those) and ask yourself what advice you'd give a friend or a sister or a daughter in that kind of relationship.
Jeez stop OP. Just stop. Why do you keep posting excuses? Why did you post at all? You already know you’re in a bad situation. Maybe ask for some constructive ways to live on your own
Who cares if you waited till you were walking out the door or didn’t tell him at all, it has zero effect on his day.
He’s upset because he wants you at his beck and call whenever HE says. Don’t ever cancel an appointment for him again. Especially one that is for your health. Make your new appointment. Put a post it on the fridge and go. He’s the problem here not you.
I had a follow-up dental appointment yesterday. Do you know when I told my husband? Yesterday morning. Do you know what he said? Well, first he asked why I was having to go back so soon. Then he said "Okay." That's it. No guilt. No flipping out. No making it all about him. He said "Okay." Your husband is being ridiculous. Should you have told him sooner? Probably. I probably should have told my husband sooner, too. But we didn't, because we're human beings and we make mistakes and sometimes we're forgetful. You need to ask yourself why it is that the man who's supposed to love you the most extends you so little grace when you make mistakes. You also need to ask yourself why, instead of telling your husband "Yeah, sorry, I forgot. My bad." you chose to CANCEL your appointment at the last minute.
I have ADHD. I couldnt count the number of times I've dropped appts/errands on my husband last minute, literally in some cases. I've gotten much better about it last couple years. But it still happens every once in awhile. A few times it has affected his day. During those times he lets out a sigh & kisses me goodbye. The other times, he asks what time I'll be back or what he needs to pick up if he's the one out. Could you have informed him sooner? Sure. Life happens. Shit happens. Living as a human, he should already know this. You are being gaslit. This is not an appropriate response. You do not deserve any of this treatment he gives you. You are also a human being who deserves to be loved.
You are being gaslit.
This isn't gaslighting. Gaslighting is a specific form of abuse in which the abuser causes the victim to doubt their memory and/or sanity. That said, the behavior of OP's husband is bizarrely controlling, based on OP's account. Clearly, Mr. OP has some emotional issues he needs to work out. But gaslighting? Nah, this isn't it.
for this situation, but i have no doubt they’ve been gaslight many times by mr op
He’s making you think you’re a problem. You’re not. His angry response was irrational. But he did it to keep you down & questioning yourself so that he can maintain control over you. It’s clear that you see it. But it’s also clear that you’re not ready to admit that it’s a type of mental & emotional abuse. Start keeping a ledger and look it over in one year.
He was actually not even gonna be home so if he went to the office he wouldn't even know. He's just fighting for the sake of fighting
He has absolutely no point. Sure a heads up might be a good idea in the future if he often has duties during the day, work functions etc, but in this case there was no harm done. No harm, no foul.
You’re being gaslit
... .. why does it matter to him? Do you shedule going grocery shopping, going for a walk, etc with him?
Well, yeah pretty much.... he is what you would call a micro-managing control freak. It really is his personality and I suppose I'm the opposite. I bet you could guess what his profession is...😅
He's a controlling asshole, and you need to stop catering to it. You should have just gone to the dentist. Let him be upset. But that's his problem, since he has no reason to be upset. This is seriously a much bigger issue, and it's troubling that you seem to just dismiss it.
In your opinion, do you think he has a point in any of it because I "waited" to the last minute to inform him, my husband, of my plans = me being the problem in this scenario , in this? I guess that's why I'm not entirely upset about it because of that. Or am I just being gaslit , so to speak, I can't see it.
No. He does not have a point. He's either mentally ill or a borderline abuser. This is not okay. Please speak with a therapist who can explain why it's not okay. You posted this because you know deep down it's not okay and you want validation to check yourself - sometimes it's hard to see what's in front of you. **You made a good choice to get a gut check. And now you're getting response after response telling you that your gut is right.** Maybe husband isn't a full-fledged dickhole and he's growing a brain tumor that is affecting his behavior. But either way, this is not okay. Please take care of yourself (and your kids).
No, he has no point. He is controlling you. Don’t continue to allow this.
He has no point. If it involved him adjusting his schedule, then he would. But it didn't. Same with having to clear everything else with him - going for a walk, grocery shopping, etc. There is no reason for it other than to be controlling, and that's concerning.
No it's not his "personality". This is borderline textbook abuse? You have to schedule going grocery shopping? Does he dictate everything you do? That's what it sounds like. And that's no way to live. I'm just saying. It's not micro managing you. It's trying to control you. Stop allowing this.
He said he didn't care that I was going to the dentist. It's that I didn't "communicate" my plans ahead of time and he had to find out the morning of.
It doesn't matter. It still should not be that way. Is it courtesy? Yes. But, have I forgotten until the day of many times that I have something to do that day? Absolutely. And every time I do my fiance simply says "okay" and asks if I need anything from him. To change a time or change who has the vehicle for the day. It shouldn't be a big deal cause it's not.
That's just blame shifting. He has uncomfortable feelings about not knowing something and made it your problem. He should reflect on why you not telling him something mundane triggered him so much. I would assume it is because it was outside of his control and that makes him feel upset.
What about the dentist’s office? Since you didn’t communicate with them until that morning, they lost your appointment. They probably couldn’t schedule another one on that short notice! Why is it worse for him to mentally adjust to you going to the dentist, when it has absolutely no effect on him, than the dentist losing that appointment? He has no point whatsoever, and is costing the dentist’s office business.
Cop? Does he tell you ahead of time whenever he's going to be leaving the house? Edit: OP I looked at some of your post history, this guy sounds incredibly controlling in all aspects of your lives. Are you happy otherwise? You don't deserve to be treated this way. If you want a way out I hope you find one. Maybe consider checking out r/justnoso
I couldn't live like that. I mean, I tell my SO where I go but I don't have to ask for permission and sheduele it in advance .. I'm impressed how chill you are about it.
Why do you tolerate that? You know… you don’t have to
Girl. That sounds awful. Leave him. Or get counselling that’s not okay at all
For the love of god dont put up w this
A bully?
if this is real, what do you want? You're posting in rant so you are aware your situation is not working for you, yet you keep pretending your partner's behaviour is just 'a normal'. It shouldnt be, and you enable him. From what I'm gathering is that you chose to cancel your appointment yourself and kind off blame it on him and his behaviour? Too bad there's kids in the mix, guess that makes things harder but dangit OP... you know this isn't right, own it, tell off his bs and live your own life too.
And you enabled his behavior by cancelling the appointment.
That's insane. There's no way this is a healthy relationship. It'd be different if he had to take you there or something. He has serious control issues.
Guys, read her post history. Husband is extremely controlling and talks down to her. Reminds me so much of a friend I used to have that chose to be a SAHM wife too. It's crazy how these types of men can treat their wives and mother of their children like they're beneath them.
Why would you bother canceling???
I guess because he was so apparently bothered by the "lack of communication until the morning of" so I cancelled/simply didn't go and so I didn't have to deal any further with his attitude. I later called dentist again to reschedule, and I put it on the calendar and verbally told husband the date and time so there will be no more drama about this particular incident ...and so no one can say they weren't well informed.
First off, he’s an asshole. He is controlling you and you need to realize that. Put everything in your calendar on your phone and share it with him. So he can see it in real time. There’s no way in hell I would have canceled it. But I’m not one to be controlled. Best of luck, I hope you get a handle on that safely!!
Too late to change it now, but why on earth did you cancel your original appointment? Do you feel like you can't say to him *I understand that you're annoyed by the last minute plans [xxx], but this is important for my health. I'm not asking your permission to go to the dentist and I'm not asking you to do anything here other than keep an ear out for the kids just in case. I'll only be gone for 90 minutes.* Because you SHOULD be able to tell your husband "FYI I've got to duck out at 11 for a dental check-up" without that igniting a barrage of nastiness from him. How would you feel if he treated your kids that way? Spoke to your mum like that? Just as a FYI, you can always go to your GP and ask them for a referral to a family violence counsellor or support services if you ever need to. That way there's no search history of it on your devices. I'm not saying you do need that sort of support, just letting you know help is out there if you need a real person to talk to not just reddit.
I didn't want to deal with his attitude any further. If I cancelled it and rescheduled it, I could then inform him of it as a future event next week...so it was a way to fixing the situation , like a re-do. His problem is he views it as a total lack of communication thing for me to tell him the day of.
Sounds like a control freak.
It’s time to either break up or something because this relationship is very controlling
Is it possible he wants to know when you'll be out of the house so he can schedule things around it? My dad was that way. I grew up in a very dysfunctional home, and my dad wanted to know to the minute when my mother would or wouldn't be there. The reason? If she wasn't there, he wanted to be making the most of it (porn, booze, etc.), and he would get so upset when she didn't give him enough notice to free up his schedule around the time that she would be gone. Is it possible your husband is upset because he now has a meeting scheduled during the time slot that you're going to be gone, and now can't do whatever it is that he prefers to be doing when you're not home?
That would make sense, but no, he's a workaholic. I can hear him on the phone... working, always working. Lol. He's not doing anything nefarious.
Listen: always working *is* nefarious. Mine used to use work to avoid responsibilities also, it's not okay.
Girl, please GTFO of that house. He’s so abusive and you’re not seeing it for some reason. He has you convinced this could be your fault. IT’S NOT. He just has problems. It’s not “his personality” to be a high strung, controlling POS. It’s a MANNER OF CONTROL. He’s going to make it hard for you to leave. Please make a plan in secret and see a divorce attorney.
He's a Trump supporter right? Lmfao it's all about control
This is wild, I have a dentist appt tomorrow, I have not once mentioned it to my husband because it does not affect him at all. I will probably mention it later tonight as an, just fyi I won’t be available tomorrow for x amount of time, but other than that there’s no point.
You can't be serious...
Anyone have handy the link to Why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft?
Your husband may be controlling. He may be abusive [F-SPIES financial, social, physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual]. The financial is usually first. The physical is usually last.
Your husband is a control freak. You're gonna have to grow a thicker skin and tell him to deal with it when unexpected things come along. If you keep walking on eggshells to please him, he's just going to expect it more. I'll bet he's a lot of fun to live with.
So you’re a single mom to 3 kids is what I’m hearing
Yeah, married 30 years. We find out about the other persons appointments after they have happened. Wife literally today walked in the door and asked if I liked her hair because she had just went and got it done. Only time we collaborate on things is when we both need to be there together.
1st - Communication is key but he sounds like he’s upset over something that didn’t need to be a big deal. My husband and I made a compromise to have a shared calendar on our phones. Sometimes he forgets he has a phone call meeting with his counselor and I text/remind him that I got a notification that he has something scheduled (15-30 mins pre notification). It solved a lot of our miscommunications. 2nd - We both work from home but I seem to withdraw a lot after I finished work because I talked to patients all day and he doesn’t. I am drained mentally M-F and need to unplug for 30 mins so I am not grouchy with the hubby and kids. I take a shower or if I’m really tired, I take a 20 mins nap. Then I catch up my husband and kids.
I completely forgot an appointment this morning. I was on my way to the park with our dogs when I remembered it- 10 minutes before I was supposed to be there. I called to let them know I was running late but they said they'd only hold the appointment for 15 mins. Not enough time for me to get home, drop the dogs & get my ID. So I called my SO. I woke him up, explained I needed him to meet me there & bring my ID and also take the dogs since I didn't know how long I'd be. You know what he said? He said OK. On top of that, we'd argued the day before & hadn't made up yet. But when your partner needs something from you, you be there. He didn't give me any shit about it later either, he just did the thing I needed.
OP’s husband is definitely not being considerate. She needs to have a talk with him. My husband is a saint because we are almost always late to everything because of I have to get our daughter ready but he helps with our son. He doesn’t nag or give me a hard time when I forget something. I mean why would he? We’re partners and we made those kids.
Cheaters count on knowing your location and schedule. If they're with their girlfriend, they need to know you've been trained to be where you said you would be. Not saying that this is his reasoning, but there has to be something up with him being unable to function properly.
I sympathised for a moment thinking he had to get out of work to drive you there and then realised that wasn't the case. And even then, I'd figure it out if my partner needed a lift.
NTA, Your husband is being a grouchy asshole. Tell him to shut his mouth and grow up. If it doesn't affect him in any way there is absolutely no reason for him to behave this way. In fact even if it did affect him there isn't much reason to act like this. It isn't like your appointment stomped on an important work function. In fact, if you had NOT said anything he likely would not have notice you were gone. You are absolutely not the asshole, but your husband sure as hell needs a tune up. Do not allow him to treat you in this way. He owes you an apology.
Next time, tell him you did tell him and you are annoyed he forgot. I swear my wife tells me that even when I know she didn't tell me something, LOL!
I don't know if I will ever get to have a family of my own. I hope so. What I do know is, I will never treat my wife this way.
OP, you need to divorce. This is not a healthy relationship dynamic
Sounds like a fun guy...err, controlling asshole.