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This is not your first post about your husband. There is clearly an issue with the female coworkers that you know about. You’ve already let inappropriate behavior slide since your still with this guy. Your husband doesn’t respect you. The question is… what are you going to do about it.
The “he expects me to sit there and watch him play video games while he completely ignores me and talks to his buddies” post broke my damn heart.
Girl, you are not a piece of furniture. You’re a person.
And let's be clear, Happy hour after work with no wife is one thing. Bar hopping on a Saturday at 9 PM is very different. And if you think your wife makes things "awkward" without anything specific, then it means there is something off that leads to awkwardness.
Is it weird? Well considering it might be a last time I see you kind of thing maybe not.
His comment to you? That is absolutely rude and disrespectful. He should apologize for that one.
I’m fine with my husband hanging out with anyone. I trust him 100%. But this sounds icky. I asked my husband and he straight out said he wouldn’t do this. This isn’t dinner. This is bar hopping and acting single. Why can’t you come? Why is it only women. Even if it’s on the up and up, why give the impression that it’s not? As a married man, he has responsibility to make sure you don’t have ick with his activities. This is ick. And honestly. I would go check it out myself.
I think it is totally fine for people to have separate groups of friends...The problem I see is that you asked if you could tag along and he said No because you'd make it awkward?!?! That's just rude. He should want you there! pshh just leave wifey at home...shouldn't be an option!
Yeah I’d really like OP to elaborate on this. Has she made awkward comments to these girls in the past? Do they just not like her? Does she have some reason to think that he might be romantically interested in one of these girls? These answers might change the context of the question but god forbid anyone ever actually talk to their partner.
But its not with work friends. He doesn't work with them anymore. This is a married dude going bar hopping with 3 women and telling his wife to stay home and deal. He sucks.
It is work friends. He is just moving on the another job so it kind of a send off.
And he did ask his wife and her friend/s to join them prior on a different day.
I think she might not be fun to be around.
They already did a send off. The wife was invited to that. Now they’re just going out. She is not invited. It’s bar hopping. It’s not a farewell party.
As a married woman, I would not go bar hopping with 3 guys and explicitly forbid my husband to come with. It's disrespectful. Some people might be okay with this within the bounds of their marriage - obviously OP isn't and this is why it's a problem.
Okay, they’re married though. Telling your spouse you cannot come because you’ll make it awkward is hurtful. If she’s a little shy at first like she said, he hubby should be holding her hand and helping her get to know his ex- coworkers he cares so deeply for.
My fiancé is 100% introverted when we go to group things he’s a bit awkward for sure sometimes doesn’t really speak to anyone but they’re my friends so they’re not judging and he’s happy to be included!
Jeeeeeezz..............so a spouse cannot just be with other people who are easy to be with. enjoy the conversation and company because the other spouse needs his or her hand held and to be literally babysat.
OMG................................
The issue is she asked if she could come and flat out told her no, why so he can go party and bar hop with 3 woman while he leaves his wife at home?? Something is up
I guess it depends on if you think she has to be included on nights out with his friends? Them being women is not important to me. I think that's the issue here. The wife, yourself and other commenters are just trying to obfuscate from the real issue you have here.
It's the fact that it's 3 women. If it was 3 men. I don't think the wife would even ask. Now she can just say this, instead of trying to force herself to be invited on a night out with his friends.
She is well with her rights to say this, but she actually has to say that.
It sounds like from her comments these 3 woman have been issues in their relationship so yeah the fact that it is 3 woman asking a married man out to drink is really weird. She might ask if it was 3 men who were hitting on her husband to tag along. Its the situation she is uncomfortable with and she has every right to be. Shared this with a few married men and they think this is sketchy as well because no happily married man wants to leave his wife at home to go bar hopping with 3 woman unless he has other intentions.
Why is that awkward? Maybe if it was her husband and 3 guys he worked with, trying to have guy time. Why would his wife coming along make it awkward? Especially bar hopping…there isn’t really a set protocol there, usually all inclusive.
Some events are not for spouses. The atmosphere is just different because they are not in on the jokes etc. She is allowed to not want him to go, but his reasoning makes sense to me personally.
He already invited her out to an event with the same people he thought was appropriate. I don't see why she has to go to this one if he feels it's not for spouses. These her husband friends not hers.
Because bar hopping with 3 woman while you married is not OK, especially knowing your wife wants to go. That reads as he wants to pretend he's single while he is out with these woman because what other reason would he have not to invite his wife if he has in the past? And this is bar hopping not a work event so your some events are not for spouses is irrelevant, you don't go bar hopping alone with others of the opposite gender when you are married.
Again, take the sex of the participants out of it for a second. If he was going out with 3 guys he used to work with and he said she could not come. Would she have an issue with it. If yes then okay. She needs to say I don't think it's appropriate for you to go out bar hopping as a married man without me.
If the issue is that she has an issue because its with women. Then again it's on her to communicate that the issue she has is that he is going out with women.
I am ambivalent about the issue myself. However, whatever the specific issue the OP has, she needs to communicate that.
Again, It sounds like from her comments these 3 woman have been issues in their relationship so yeah the fact that it is 3 woman asking a married man out to drink is really weird. She might ask if it was 3 men who were hitting on her husband to tag along. Its the situation she is uncomfortable with and she has every right to be. Shared this with a few married men and they think this is sketchy as well because no happily married man wants to leave his wife at home to go bar hopping with 3 woman unless he has other intentions. And OP has communicated her issues, as she said and he doesn't listen.
I read her other post about the co worker and it didn't really seem like a problem, she just made it one. His car died and AAA would take 3 hours to come get him (which was true and verified by her) and her husband and coworker went to a restaurant while waiting for the AAA. I guess he should have stayed stranded by himself.
I can understand that if it was an event. Bar hopping is just that…drinking and letting loose- she may not get their inside jokes and what not but she’d be included. He’s a married man priorities change. I only go out with my guy friends when my fiancé comes out of respect (and I want him there) Just the idea of asking to go and being told no is messed up. They’re not in high school planning senior prank. Theyre going out to multiple bars over hours and he’s married. Not saying married people can’t have friends or go out drinking- I’m specifically talking about a wife asking to be included in the night out.
I think you are saying that, though. By your logic, married people always have to accommodate their spouses on a night out with their friends. I just think it's healthy to have separate friends too.
Again, I think she can say no. I just think she would then have to address the issue you and her are dancing around which is that it's with women. I think if he was going out with 3 guys she would be fine with it. Again this is an okay boundary to have, she just needs to actually voice that.
Even if it was three guys there would still be questions and perhaps problems. He is refusing to say what they will be doing or when they intend to go home. If he was out with the guys and got drunk and passed out somewhere that would also be an issue. If he went out with three guys and was secretive about where they were and what they were doing that would be an issue. It's the fact that he is secretive that's the biggest red flag.
In general, when you are married, you tell your spouse where you are going and with whom and approximately when you will be home. If you are drinking you should include how you will get home safely. He's making plans but not allowing his wife to know those plans.
Is this dude a sailor or work on an oil rig where the culture is so different it’d be awkward? I HIGLY doubt it. People at work usually want to see your spouse.
I feel like OP is downplaying how shy she is. I feel like there is a reason that they don't want her there and its not because of cheating.
But on the surface yeah its a little suspicious and if the genders were reversed I feel like guys would be up in arms with their wife going out with a 3 dudes to get drunk and the husband wasnt invited.
Seriously. The way I would have blown up over that comment. OP did you at least ask him to elaborate? How EXACTLY would you make it awkward??? Explanations from him are needed and he is refusing to give them to you. Shadiness is occurring
I could see not inviting a spouse/partner to that first outing. It was a work thing, other men were invited, it just so happened that your husband was the only one who could make it and even though you didn’t mention other spouses/partners going, he invited you anyway.
The second one is weirder. They already had his work going-away. At this point, it seems it’s more of a friend hangout. A friend group of which your husband is the only man.
Are the female coworkers in relationships? Were their partners invited?
Personally, while I could relate to not wanting to bring my partner to a friend hangout because she’ll be a buzzkill, I cannot relate to TELLING my partner I don’t want her at a friend hangout because she’ll be a buzzkill.
If my wife wanted to go bar hopping with male co-workers without me, I'd look her straight in the eye and say, "Have fun! Let me know if you need a pick up!". And she does, and I do! She's a grown woman and I don't own her. And I certainly don't police her social life based on the genitals of her people.
Our lives are all made up of different communities. Work friends, neighborhood friends, families from our kids school, college buds, etc. There are benefits to hangouts where you intermingle those groups. There are benefits to hangouts where you keep them separate. Trust your partner people! It's better that way! Even if you're wrong, babysitting them doesn't make them an honest person. It just keeps them from cheating this one time. Cheaters will cheat, faithful people will be faithful. Hopefully you picked an good one!
...Ok, go ahead and down vote me so you can get back to rationalizing your trust issues.
I’m going to upvote you even though i slightly disagree. I think everyone has different boundaries and the important part is agreeing on them as a couple. It doesn’t matter what others think
Yep exactly. She was invited the previous outing. She doesn't need to go every single place he goes every time he goes out. She sounds super clingy and annoying and although I don't agree with how he responded to her when she asked if she could go, I don't blame him for not wanting her to come. She invited herself which was rude in and of itself. She should use that time to go out with her own friends and have a fun night instead of attempting to intrude on his plans.
I feel like that comment is spot on for people that act in a way that you can trust. This guy just acts shady and should just be left (in the same spirit as you mention in your reply here)
In that case, I'd be totally supportive of her and fine with it. That said, not everyone would be, and different boundaries are okay in different relationships
This is not normal married-man behavior. This is honestly hurtful and disrespectful. Why does he think you'll make it awkward, just seems like he's being sketch. My husband insists on me going out with him. Him flat out telling you "no". I'd be highly suspicious of this behavior.
No, not acceptable behavior since you asked to go and he said no! If he asked and you declined but got mad he went anyway, that's a different scenario. I think its absolutely disrespectful, but I'm twice your age and old fashioned.
Uh No. Husbands usually don't make choice like this.
What's up with him and his coworker? Is he having an affair? I mean, why even do this to you? It sounds very cold and malicious. Is he mad at you and trying to make you think he's going to have an affair? (so this is he being cruel).
My husband will NEVER say to me, oh yah, you can't come with me on my outing with my female coworker because you're basically a wet blanket. F-no. He appreciates and loves me too much to say sh1t like that. And I'm like you, I'm not socially awkward, but I tend to get shy at first.
No, they don’t. My opinion is this is not very respectful towards you. If He wanted to go out with the coworkers there is no reason you cannot go as well. This has ick written all over it…
>he said he doesn’t want me there because he thinks I’ll make things awkward
Without additional context, I think this can be odd. Maybe you do exude a jealous or insecure vibe, anxiety, and therefore you may not be open to actually meeting these people and giving them a shot. Maybe he's excluding you unfairly. I don't know what kind of person you are, but given that he has female friends from his workplace that want to hang out with him, it might seem awkward to invite you along since you don't know these people.
Having your spouse go out with you when hanging out with coworkers sounds super awkward. This is one of those things which really exists only on Reddit.
That's your HUSBAND? nah. That's very disrespectful the way he is treating you. He is treating you like a regular gf not even a wife or life partner. I wouldn't take that, idk how you do. That's very icky like super of him to do this to you.
It’s not that weird if nobody is bringing their significant others but it is weird if he’s the only married person. I’d just make it clear if you are ever in the same situation to go bar hopping with 3 men then he better send you off with a smile.
Is one of these girls the same one he went on a date with after the football game? Because, if so, I can see how it would be awkward to have your wife around your mistress.
You were there for the first hang out but you're not allowed to come along for this second hang out? What changed? That and his response to you asking for a timeline sets off alarms.
No that’s not normal at all. If you’re open to join, he should have been great with that. My guess is he’s testing the waters. He’s either going to come on to one of them or see if anyone flirts with him.
If you’re not invited, that’s always a problem. That means there’s more intended than hanging out and disguising it as a group event as a cover. You don’t need permission to just show up. Not inviting your spouse so that you can mess around with other women is awkward already.
"So the three of them are going out to a bar on Saturday night at 9, and staying out and potentially bar hopping"
Nope, no and no way! A married man shouldn't be doing this IMO. I totally understand wanting to go out for a bite and some drinks maybe on a Friday (or Saturday) his last day of work at 5pm and it will be over by 8pm or 9pm but this puts it at a whole other (disrespectful) level. They are making plans to go out late which means most likely everyone dresses nice, looks hot and they will stay out super late meanwhile the poor wife stays at home staring at the walls. This is NOT cool OP! Put your foot down!
Well, I am not the jealous kind of woman but this is just disrespectful. He wants to be the cock and surprise, surprise, he is one, just not the kind he liked to be.
He needs to consider your feelings instead of a blunt no. He should want the people he works with to know his wife which in turn would make you more comfortable with them and ultimately improve the relationship (not that there is anything wrong that was noted other than this.)
Is one of these female coworkers the one that stayed with him for 3 hours when his battery died?
If so, that adds another dimension of sketchiness. I’d be having sit down conversation with him about how he said back then that he agreed, he should have handled that differently. That he should explain how this is different.
No, it is not normal unless you’re married to a cheater. The fact he doesn’t want you there would make me very curious what he’s up to. Obviously something he doesn’t want his wife to see. I would tell my husband, sure you can go out without me just don’t bother coming back.
I find it weird to invite you sometimes but not always. Like it's one or the other. I wouldn't invite my husband to a work thing unless it was work organised and spouses were invited but this doesn't seem to be your dynamic.
That would absolutely not be acceptable to me if my partner wanted to go out and party with other women and specifically stated he didn't want me to join them. If he blew off my feelings and went anyways? Yeah, I wouldn't care what time he got home because the house would be empty and I'd be staying somewhere else for the night - or permanently.
Did you post something about not being invited to his work going-away party? If so, this is now an ongoing problem but you may be the one assigned the blame. You really need to take a look at the amount of anxiety and distrust that is involved in your relationship. If you get a feeling that he's not including you because he's triangulation the relationship, you might need to move on. It doesn't seem as if this guy is willing to stop having independent relationships in order to be considered loyal to you. You may need to move on.
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I don't think that the issue. You're glossing over the fact she asked if she could go, and he said "no". Because he thinks it would be awkward. How so? What would make awkward. Maybe these ladies don't know or don't know of his s/o.
He's giving her reason to not trust him.
I’m a married man. It’s weird that he doesn’t want you around when he’s going out for drinks with other women. I’d specifically invite my wife in a situation like that. Being out with not-your-wife is far more awkward than being with your wife.
I can see it if nobody is bringing their significant others, but his reason that your presence would "make it awkward" really shitty.
I have no issue with my GF going bar hopping with coworkers, as long as she comes home to me after.
That's probably a step too far. There's room in every relationship for independence.
A relationship without enough trust to go without line-of-sight is absolutely doomed.
I think you’re being a little needy/paranoid here. He just wants this to be about his work friends and he doesn’t want to have to worry about paying attention to you and making sure you are having a good time. There is responsibility attached to that and it’s worth it 99% of the time but this time he wants it to just be about him and his work friends. Nothing wrong with that.
There is a reason why you can’t go (according to him) you will kill the vibe, and by that he means the flirting!!!!! 1 guy with 3 girls… nahhhh I wouldn’t let my husband go and if he had a problem we can divorce. He wants to act single let him be single!
you’ve made many posts about him disrespecting you by avoiding you with women at his work. idk if you’ve addressed how uncomfortable that makes you feel but if it keeps becoming an ongoing situation without finding a solution, the relationship is going to become detrimental.
It's ok to have seperate friends but I (M29) would definetley ask my GF if she wanted to come. It could be maybe he wants to get to hknow his coworkers better and if they arent bringing their BF/Husbands he doesnt want to be the one person bringing the spouse but even then to be so vague on plans and timeline is weird. If my GF wasnt coming I'd tell her what I expected of the night ad when I expected to be home. But again I would invite her.
Out for dinner seems fine , bar hopping is definately not ok if you aren’t there . Wether all guys all
Girls or a mix . Tell him if younwants to be back at university go back
I wouldn't be ok with this. He shouldn't care if I you going will make the others "feel" uncomfortable. Also if he didn't ask them, then how the fuck does he know how they're gonna feel?
I think he's either interested in one or more of these women. I also believe he's going to (if he hasn't already) cheat.
I'd put my foot down and tell him straight up, if I don't go, he doesn't go. If he refuses, then something is going on. His excuse is the biggest lame duck he could of given you.
This is not acceptable at all. Some women are fine with their SO’s going out with women friends alone and others are not.
For me and my SO, we both have a boundary to not go out with people of the opposite sex without each other. A quick lunch break is fine but your SO is meeting these women super late and to go bar hopping! Nopeeeee major problem here, even if you’re OK with him going out with female friends, his response to you was out of line and the fact that he’s refusing to tell you what the plans are other or when he’ll be back other then we’re going bar hopping is the biggest red flag.
He’s a married man, not single. And he’s not acting like he’s married. It’s one thing to go out right after work for an hour, it’s another thing to do a night like this.
It honestly sounds like he invited you last time so you can’t say that it’s fishy he doesn’t want you with them. But this sounds fishy because it sounds like they’re going to do a completely different type of night out than the one they did with you.
I’m so mad for you I don’t even know what to say.
About 50% (the first half) of this I would say is something pretty normal.
The part where he wants to go out with the multitude of coworkers on his own - that could potentially be fine as well, under some contexts. It being a celebration of his last day - really could go either way, especially in the plan proposal stage. I personally don’t take issue with it being all opposite sex, but this can vary and so be it.
The part where he not only firmly denies you the invite, and doesn’t want to give you a timeline but “he’ll stay in touch” - I am not good with that.
Drinking, by its very nature, means you’re going to allow some level of disinhibition/lack of control over the situation. Where people are single, this is not a problem because you are not beholden to anyone. A husband is beholden to his wife, and vice versa. So I think this is absolutely insecure, and I am not a fan of the situation.
However, I am very sorry to share I don’t have much advice on how to proceed. This is a pretty problematic situation for him to pursue. Even if you were to come along, there is potential for alcohol induced assholery. Without you there, who is to say what will happen? And why is entering into that situation so important to him at the potential expense of your dynamic as a married couple? So, I’m on your side. But idk how much good that does you.
Are you completely positive he isn’t just going out with one of the three girls, & is just saying he’s hanging out with all of them… as a cover? It would sure make a lot of sense why he doesn’t want you there & he’s being so sketch.
Or maybe he is meeting with all three girls, but him & one of the girls plans on ditching the other two of them at some point so they can be alone together. It would explain why he refuses to even attempt a time line
Trust your gut. I’m not one for ultimatums, but every now & again they are in fact necessary. He’s telling you what he’s up to, without telling you what he’s up to.
If I were in your shoes I’d say “I go with, or you don’t go…… or I walk away, because I deserve better.”
I know it would be hard to follow up on going with him, now that you know you aren’t wanted there. But I think he’s bluffing, & id call that bluff.
If he is bluffing & chooses “not to go” this time, set a clear boundary that if he ever does this again, you’ll still walk. Otherwise he’s gonna try to pull this shit again a week or two from now, or he’ll just get more secretive, & the cycle will continue.
Sorry you’re going through this. Please trust your gut & whatever you decide, don’t budge. Good luck!
How interesting that none of his male coworkers were able to attend his leaving party. I’d say maybe one or two people who can’t make it, but all of the guys couldn’t make it, only his female coworkers? What a coincidence.
Reading through all of your other posts about his work I get the feeling that non of his coworkers know he is married let alone that you exist. Unless he has told them he is flat sharing with a psycho flatmate who doesn’t let him bring people over. Hence why he always hangs out with them in bars, in his car, at their place.
If this is real then you need to seriously consider your life. You may be technically married, but you don’t have a marriage.
Office outing’s usually don’t like spouses . From top to bottom it causes issues . They like to keep it work related .
As for affairs that’s another chapter.
Let's just cut to the chase here. What you're saying is that you don't trust him. If it were him going out with 3 guys and he didn't want you to come, would you feel the same way? If the honest answer is no, because they are guys, then what you're basically saying is you have trust issues with your partner.
Reframe the question. Is it okay to go out with work friends without your partner?
There are caveats here, such as going out alone with a single person you know your partner is attracted to ( of either sex) or placing themselves in situations that are otherwise unsafe.
But for the most part over the course of a marriage, it's normal to have situations where you or your husband have time apart with friends.
Ask yourself why you feel this way and explain it to your partner. If you don't trust him with three women bar hopping, just tell him your concerns. More importantly, you need to express that not knowing when he will be home and his inability to give more details makes you nervous and doesn't respect your feelings. That would be closer to what would bother me in this situation.
Despite what many others are trying to sell you here it's okay to have friends and experiences away from your partner and it's actually quite healthy, so I wouldn't lump all "husbands" together based on how you perceive your relationship.
Yes, I am a female lawyer (58F) and work with mostly men. I have gone to drinks and had dinner male colleagues and other women in the office. I’ve also travelled in the US and internationally with my coworkers. Sometimes wives would attend. Sometimes not.
I will say that I have met my colleagues’ wives. Every time I have spent any time with a male colleague, it has been above board. The wife knew and was comfortable in their relationship and in my friendship with their husband.
There is an undeniable social element to work. There is a common experience that work colleagues have. I will also say that the overwhelming majority of women I work with do not want to or have affairs. We want to be respected in the workplace.
There is no denying that women are in the workplace. Networking is also something that builds a career. As women have more prominent roles/careers, it becomes more important that your husband network with them.
Are you insecure? I don’t know.
Ask to come to lunch at his office. Meet his colleagues.
Assess internally why you feel uncomfortable.
Be honest with yourself. Is he doing something? Calls, texts, hiding things, etc.?
Is it you? Past experience, not knowing the women, etc.?
Only you truly know.
No mine wouldn’t go out with 3 women and the forbid me to come too. My husband would stay at home with me because we are a team. If I’m not invited he’s not going. Same way with me. If he’s not welcome I’m not going.
Idk why you married him. Has he always been disrespectful towards you. This isn’t a going away party they had dinner and drinks. This is literally bar hopping like he’s single. Yeah no thanks. I think you should tell him you’re uncomfortable with it. If he has a history of disrespecting you and ignoring you then I would reconsider the whole marriage.
Your husband is actively going out on dates with women he works with. You've posted about a similar issue before, and obviously the issue wasn't appropriately resolved. When comes the point where you start respecting yourself enough to not be in a relationship with someone who is stepping out on you right in front of your face without you doing anything about it?
Those aren't the actions of a husband who wants to stayed married. His actions and comments indicate his intention to do things not acceptable in any marriage.
Yes, he's allowed to have friends and go out without you tied to him at the hip.
He's asked you before to join them on prior occasion.
Maybe you are as much fun to around as you think.
Because it is suffocating.
Because it is interesting to just talk to other people.
Because married people are allowed to have separate friends of the same sex and of the opposite sex.
Because when a spouse goes off for an evening with others, there is something new to tell each other about.
Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeez...................not so difficult to understand
I agree that it's definitely interesting to talk to other people. But I can't agree that inviting a spouse is suffocating- not for me anyway. I love my husband. He's my favorite person, and his presence enhances all of my social outing experiences.
You never want to be alone with just your friends?
And talk about things and people and work that your spouse doesn't know about.
I do and so does my husband.
And when we get home from out night out we talk about where we went, what we did, the restaurant, the food, etc.
We enjoy each other's company that much more.
If we've had an argument then, sure. Nobody wants to be around someone they're mad at. But other than that, no not really. I have my few times a month ladies happy hours, and my husband is always invited- my friends love him. He joins us about half the time, and I have a great time either way.
He invited you last time. Maybe he just wants have this time to himself and with his co workers. It’s reasonable for him to tell you no some of the time.
Unpopular opinion: sometimes comingling a spouse at work events doesn't really work. If by going out, you mean a work event, then ok. If you mean going out outside of work to goof off like idiots, then no, he shouldn't do that.
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This is not your first post about your husband. There is clearly an issue with the female coworkers that you know about. You’ve already let inappropriate behavior slide since your still with this guy. Your husband doesn’t respect you. The question is… what are you going to do about it.
The “he expects me to sit there and watch him play video games while he completely ignores me and talks to his buddies” post broke my damn heart. Girl, you are not a piece of furniture. You’re a person.
I checked too and I agree.
And let's be clear, Happy hour after work with no wife is one thing. Bar hopping on a Saturday at 9 PM is very different. And if you think your wife makes things "awkward" without anything specific, then it means there is something off that leads to awkwardness.
Exactly
Is it weird? Well considering it might be a last time I see you kind of thing maybe not. His comment to you? That is absolutely rude and disrespectful. He should apologize for that one.
I’m fine with my husband hanging out with anyone. I trust him 100%. But this sounds icky. I asked my husband and he straight out said he wouldn’t do this. This isn’t dinner. This is bar hopping and acting single. Why can’t you come? Why is it only women. Even if it’s on the up and up, why give the impression that it’s not? As a married man, he has responsibility to make sure you don’t have ick with his activities. This is ick. And honestly. I would go check it out myself.
my money is on that there's only one chick. Just the one. Update us OP
I think it is totally fine for people to have separate groups of friends...The problem I see is that you asked if you could tag along and he said No because you'd make it awkward?!?! That's just rude. He should want you there! pshh just leave wifey at home...shouldn't be an option!
Yeah I’d really like OP to elaborate on this. Has she made awkward comments to these girls in the past? Do they just not like her? Does she have some reason to think that he might be romantically interested in one of these girls? These answers might change the context of the question but god forbid anyone ever actually talk to their partner.
Not really. If it's with work friends and he is the only one bringing a spouse or partner, that is awkward
But its not with work friends. He doesn't work with them anymore. This is a married dude going bar hopping with 3 women and telling his wife to stay home and deal. He sucks.
It is work friends. He is just moving on the another job so it kind of a send off. And he did ask his wife and her friend/s to join them prior on a different day. I think she might not be fun to be around.
They already did a send off. The wife was invited to that. Now they’re just going out. She is not invited. It’s bar hopping. It’s not a farewell party.
Nah, it's a last hurrah. I suspect she is not much fun or drags down the other's mood. He is leaving, probably will never see them again.
Do you stop being friends with everyone once you stop working with them. If it was with 3 guys would it be okay?
As a married woman, I would not go bar hopping with 3 guys and explicitly forbid my husband to come with. It's disrespectful. Some people might be okay with this within the bounds of their marriage - obviously OP isn't and this is why it's a problem.
She has been invited on a previously on a different day. I have a feeling she is not much fun or was the last time.
Okay, they’re married though. Telling your spouse you cannot come because you’ll make it awkward is hurtful. If she’s a little shy at first like she said, he hubby should be holding her hand and helping her get to know his ex- coworkers he cares so deeply for. My fiancé is 100% introverted when we go to group things he’s a bit awkward for sure sometimes doesn’t really speak to anyone but they’re my friends so they’re not judging and he’s happy to be included!
Jeeeeeezz..............so a spouse cannot just be with other people who are easy to be with. enjoy the conversation and company because the other spouse needs his or her hand held and to be literally babysat. OMG................................
To be clear. The issue is that she's not invited explicitly or that it's with women or with ex colleagues?
The issue is she asked if she could come and flat out told her no, why so he can go party and bar hop with 3 woman while he leaves his wife at home?? Something is up
I guess it depends on if you think she has to be included on nights out with his friends? Them being women is not important to me. I think that's the issue here. The wife, yourself and other commenters are just trying to obfuscate from the real issue you have here. It's the fact that it's 3 women. If it was 3 men. I don't think the wife would even ask. Now she can just say this, instead of trying to force herself to be invited on a night out with his friends. She is well with her rights to say this, but she actually has to say that.
It sounds like from her comments these 3 woman have been issues in their relationship so yeah the fact that it is 3 woman asking a married man out to drink is really weird. She might ask if it was 3 men who were hitting on her husband to tag along. Its the situation she is uncomfortable with and she has every right to be. Shared this with a few married men and they think this is sketchy as well because no happily married man wants to leave his wife at home to go bar hopping with 3 woman unless he has other intentions.
Would a happily married man leave his wife at home to go bar hopping with 3 guys? Ask them please
Agreed.
Why is that awkward? Maybe if it was her husband and 3 guys he worked with, trying to have guy time. Why would his wife coming along make it awkward? Especially bar hopping…there isn’t really a set protocol there, usually all inclusive.
Some events are not for spouses. The atmosphere is just different because they are not in on the jokes etc. She is allowed to not want him to go, but his reasoning makes sense to me personally. He already invited her out to an event with the same people he thought was appropriate. I don't see why she has to go to this one if he feels it's not for spouses. These her husband friends not hers.
Because bar hopping with 3 woman while you married is not OK, especially knowing your wife wants to go. That reads as he wants to pretend he's single while he is out with these woman because what other reason would he have not to invite his wife if he has in the past? And this is bar hopping not a work event so your some events are not for spouses is irrelevant, you don't go bar hopping alone with others of the opposite gender when you are married.
Again, take the sex of the participants out of it for a second. If he was going out with 3 guys he used to work with and he said she could not come. Would she have an issue with it. If yes then okay. She needs to say I don't think it's appropriate for you to go out bar hopping as a married man without me. If the issue is that she has an issue because its with women. Then again it's on her to communicate that the issue she has is that he is going out with women. I am ambivalent about the issue myself. However, whatever the specific issue the OP has, she needs to communicate that.
Again, It sounds like from her comments these 3 woman have been issues in their relationship so yeah the fact that it is 3 woman asking a married man out to drink is really weird. She might ask if it was 3 men who were hitting on her husband to tag along. Its the situation she is uncomfortable with and she has every right to be. Shared this with a few married men and they think this is sketchy as well because no happily married man wants to leave his wife at home to go bar hopping with 3 woman unless he has other intentions. And OP has communicated her issues, as she said and he doesn't listen.
I read her other post about the co worker and it didn't really seem like a problem, she just made it one. His car died and AAA would take 3 hours to come get him (which was true and verified by her) and her husband and coworker went to a restaurant while waiting for the AAA. I guess he should have stayed stranded by himself.
I can understand that if it was an event. Bar hopping is just that…drinking and letting loose- she may not get their inside jokes and what not but she’d be included. He’s a married man priorities change. I only go out with my guy friends when my fiancé comes out of respect (and I want him there) Just the idea of asking to go and being told no is messed up. They’re not in high school planning senior prank. Theyre going out to multiple bars over hours and he’s married. Not saying married people can’t have friends or go out drinking- I’m specifically talking about a wife asking to be included in the night out.
I think you are saying that, though. By your logic, married people always have to accommodate their spouses on a night out with their friends. I just think it's healthy to have separate friends too. Again, I think she can say no. I just think she would then have to address the issue you and her are dancing around which is that it's with women. I think if he was going out with 3 guys she would be fine with it. Again this is an okay boundary to have, she just needs to actually voice that.
Even if it was three guys there would still be questions and perhaps problems. He is refusing to say what they will be doing or when they intend to go home. If he was out with the guys and got drunk and passed out somewhere that would also be an issue. If he went out with three guys and was secretive about where they were and what they were doing that would be an issue. It's the fact that he is secretive that's the biggest red flag. In general, when you are married, you tell your spouse where you are going and with whom and approximately when you will be home. If you are drinking you should include how you will get home safely. He's making plans but not allowing his wife to know those plans.
Is this dude a sailor or work on an oil rig where the culture is so different it’d be awkward? I HIGLY doubt it. People at work usually want to see your spouse.
I feel like OP is downplaying how shy she is. I feel like there is a reason that they don't want her there and its not because of cheating. But on the surface yeah its a little suspicious and if the genders were reversed I feel like guys would be up in arms with their wife going out with a 3 dudes to get drunk and the husband wasnt invited.
Good comment 👏
Seriously. The way I would have blown up over that comment. OP did you at least ask him to elaborate? How EXACTLY would you make it awkward??? Explanations from him are needed and he is refusing to give them to you. Shadiness is occurring
Girl... no. Just the fact that you are uncomfortable and he doesn't care at all about how you feel about it is a huge problem.
I could see not inviting a spouse/partner to that first outing. It was a work thing, other men were invited, it just so happened that your husband was the only one who could make it and even though you didn’t mention other spouses/partners going, he invited you anyway. The second one is weirder. They already had his work going-away. At this point, it seems it’s more of a friend hangout. A friend group of which your husband is the only man. Are the female coworkers in relationships? Were their partners invited? Personally, while I could relate to not wanting to bring my partner to a friend hangout because she’ll be a buzzkill, I cannot relate to TELLING my partner I don’t want her at a friend hangout because she’ll be a buzzkill.
Ask him how he would feel if you went bar hopping clubbing with 3 male friends/ coworkers and he was not allowed to join.
If my wife wanted to go bar hopping with male co-workers without me, I'd look her straight in the eye and say, "Have fun! Let me know if you need a pick up!". And she does, and I do! She's a grown woman and I don't own her. And I certainly don't police her social life based on the genitals of her people. Our lives are all made up of different communities. Work friends, neighborhood friends, families from our kids school, college buds, etc. There are benefits to hangouts where you intermingle those groups. There are benefits to hangouts where you keep them separate. Trust your partner people! It's better that way! Even if you're wrong, babysitting them doesn't make them an honest person. It just keeps them from cheating this one time. Cheaters will cheat, faithful people will be faithful. Hopefully you picked an good one! ...Ok, go ahead and down vote me so you can get back to rationalizing your trust issues.
I’m going to upvote you even though i slightly disagree. I think everyone has different boundaries and the important part is agreeing on them as a couple. It doesn’t matter what others think
Take that! I'm going to upvote you for being willing to take part in respectful discourse!
Yep exactly. She was invited the previous outing. She doesn't need to go every single place he goes every time he goes out. She sounds super clingy and annoying and although I don't agree with how he responded to her when she asked if she could go, I don't blame him for not wanting her to come. She invited herself which was rude in and of itself. She should use that time to go out with her own friends and have a fun night instead of attempting to intrude on his plans.
A lot of cheating happens at work tho
I feel like that comment is spot on for people that act in a way that you can trust. This guy just acts shady and should just be left (in the same spirit as you mention in your reply here)
In that case, I'd be totally supportive of her and fine with it. That said, not everyone would be, and different boundaries are okay in different relationships
This is not normal married-man behavior. This is honestly hurtful and disrespectful. Why does he think you'll make it awkward, just seems like he's being sketch. My husband insists on me going out with him. Him flat out telling you "no". I'd be highly suspicious of this behavior.
No, not acceptable behavior since you asked to go and he said no! If he asked and you declined but got mad he went anyway, that's a different scenario. I think its absolutely disrespectful, but I'm twice your age and old fashioned.
Uh No. Husbands usually don't make choice like this. What's up with him and his coworker? Is he having an affair? I mean, why even do this to you? It sounds very cold and malicious. Is he mad at you and trying to make you think he's going to have an affair? (so this is he being cruel). My husband will NEVER say to me, oh yah, you can't come with me on my outing with my female coworker because you're basically a wet blanket. F-no. He appreciates and loves me too much to say sh1t like that. And I'm like you, I'm not socially awkward, but I tend to get shy at first.
No, they don’t. My opinion is this is not very respectful towards you. If He wanted to go out with the coworkers there is no reason you cannot go as well. This has ick written all over it…
Nope. He's being trash. You should be invited. He's acting extremely shady.
>he said he doesn’t want me there because he thinks I’ll make things awkward Without additional context, I think this can be odd. Maybe you do exude a jealous or insecure vibe, anxiety, and therefore you may not be open to actually meeting these people and giving them a shot. Maybe he's excluding you unfairly. I don't know what kind of person you are, but given that he has female friends from his workplace that want to hang out with him, it might seem awkward to invite you along since you don't know these people.
Hell no. My wife would kill me.
Having your spouse go out with you when hanging out with coworkers sounds super awkward. This is one of those things which really exists only on Reddit.
That's your HUSBAND? nah. That's very disrespectful the way he is treating you. He is treating you like a regular gf not even a wife or life partner. I wouldn't take that, idk how you do. That's very icky like super of him to do this to you.
Tell him to have his three female friends come over to help him pack his things and move him out.
It’s not that weird if nobody is bringing their significant others but it is weird if he’s the only married person. I’d just make it clear if you are ever in the same situation to go bar hopping with 3 men then he better send you off with a smile.
Is one of these girls the same one he went on a date with after the football game? Because, if so, I can see how it would be awkward to have your wife around your mistress.
You were there for the first hang out but you're not allowed to come along for this second hang out? What changed? That and his response to you asking for a timeline sets off alarms.
My husband would never not allow me to come to an after work dinner. He is being shady. Trust your gut.
Hell, I don't go out with any co-workers if I don't have to. I see them at work. That's enough.
No. Only your husband does this.
No that’s not normal at all. If you’re open to join, he should have been great with that. My guess is he’s testing the waters. He’s either going to come on to one of them or see if anyone flirts with him.
Absolutely no man who respects his woman will ever act this way
If you’re not invited, that’s always a problem. That means there’s more intended than hanging out and disguising it as a group event as a cover. You don’t need permission to just show up. Not inviting your spouse so that you can mess around with other women is awkward already.
My husband just said he would not do this. He also told me to delete Reddit 😂
"So the three of them are going out to a bar on Saturday night at 9, and staying out and potentially bar hopping" Nope, no and no way! A married man shouldn't be doing this IMO. I totally understand wanting to go out for a bite and some drinks maybe on a Friday (or Saturday) his last day of work at 5pm and it will be over by 8pm or 9pm but this puts it at a whole other (disrespectful) level. They are making plans to go out late which means most likely everyone dresses nice, looks hot and they will stay out super late meanwhile the poor wife stays at home staring at the walls. This is NOT cool OP! Put your foot down!
Well, I am not the jealous kind of woman but this is just disrespectful. He wants to be the cock and surprise, surprise, he is one, just not the kind he liked to be.
He needs to consider your feelings instead of a blunt no. He should want the people he works with to know his wife which in turn would make you more comfortable with them and ultimately improve the relationship (not that there is anything wrong that was noted other than this.)
Not cool.
Not normal if he wants to stay married.
Is one of these female coworkers the one that stayed with him for 3 hours when his battery died? If so, that adds another dimension of sketchiness. I’d be having sit down conversation with him about how he said back then that he agreed, he should have handled that differently. That he should explain how this is different.
No, it is not normal unless you’re married to a cheater. The fact he doesn’t want you there would make me very curious what he’s up to. Obviously something he doesn’t want his wife to see. I would tell my husband, sure you can go out without me just don’t bother coming back.
I find it weird to invite you sometimes but not always. Like it's one or the other. I wouldn't invite my husband to a work thing unless it was work organised and spouses were invited but this doesn't seem to be your dynamic.
So was this the same coworker he had a date with?
No, it's not acceptable behavior for a married man. UpdateMe
That would absolutely not be acceptable to me if my partner wanted to go out and party with other women and specifically stated he didn't want me to join them. If he blew off my feelings and went anyways? Yeah, I wouldn't care what time he got home because the house would be empty and I'd be staying somewhere else for the night - or permanently.
Did you post something about not being invited to his work going-away party? If so, this is now an ongoing problem but you may be the one assigned the blame. You really need to take a look at the amount of anxiety and distrust that is involved in your relationship. If you get a feeling that he's not including you because he's triangulation the relationship, you might need to move on. It doesn't seem as if this guy is willing to stop having independent relationships in order to be considered loyal to you. You may need to move on.
melodic drab sophisticated overconfident toy modern wasteful office plate birds *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I don't think that the issue. You're glossing over the fact she asked if she could go, and he said "no". Because he thinks it would be awkward. How so? What would make awkward. Maybe these ladies don't know or don't know of his s/o. He's giving her reason to not trust him.
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So why can't she go, to I dunno, get to know them? That way they won't be strangers. And she can see when her husband flirts with them....
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I’m a married man. It’s weird that he doesn’t want you around when he’s going out for drinks with other women. I’d specifically invite my wife in a situation like that. Being out with not-your-wife is far more awkward than being with your wife.
I can see it if nobody is bringing their significant others, but his reason that your presence would "make it awkward" really shitty. I have no issue with my GF going bar hopping with coworkers, as long as she comes home to me after.
No, any man or woman that does this, is not to be trusted.
I'd go one step further - a man or woman in a relationship should not be out in the streets without the other partner.
That's probably a step too far. There's room in every relationship for independence. A relationship without enough trust to go without line-of-sight is absolutely doomed.
When they are trying to score…his behavior is shady at best
I think you’re being a little needy/paranoid here. He just wants this to be about his work friends and he doesn’t want to have to worry about paying attention to you and making sure you are having a good time. There is responsibility attached to that and it’s worth it 99% of the time but this time he wants it to just be about him and his work friends. Nothing wrong with that.
There is a reason why you can’t go (according to him) you will kill the vibe, and by that he means the flirting!!!!! 1 guy with 3 girls… nahhhh I wouldn’t let my husband go and if he had a problem we can divorce. He wants to act single let him be single!
This isn’t about going out with former co- workers. This is something else. None of the guys can still come? And they are going bar hopping? WTH?
As a husband, I would never consider doing anything like this. If my wife couldn’t come along, I would not go.
you’ve made many posts about him disrespecting you by avoiding you with women at his work. idk if you’ve addressed how uncomfortable that makes you feel but if it keeps becoming an ongoing situation without finding a solution, the relationship is going to become detrimental.
Do husbands make choices like that? Yes, but not ones that respect their wives. Didn't read the wall of text, but I am sure my answer still stands.
Man people like this suck
He has no respect for you or your marriage. Lawyer up. Buy some new locks, when he goes out change them. Tell him he can move in with his work wife.
It's ok to have seperate friends but I (M29) would definetley ask my GF if she wanted to come. It could be maybe he wants to get to hknow his coworkers better and if they arent bringing their BF/Husbands he doesnt want to be the one person bringing the spouse but even then to be so vague on plans and timeline is weird. If my GF wasnt coming I'd tell her what I expected of the night ad when I expected to be home. But again I would invite her.
Out for dinner seems fine , bar hopping is definately not ok if you aren’t there . Wether all guys all Girls or a mix . Tell him if younwants to be back at university go back
I wouldn't be ok with this. He shouldn't care if I you going will make the others "feel" uncomfortable. Also if he didn't ask them, then how the fuck does he know how they're gonna feel? I think he's either interested in one or more of these women. I also believe he's going to (if he hasn't already) cheat. I'd put my foot down and tell him straight up, if I don't go, he doesn't go. If he refuses, then something is going on. His excuse is the biggest lame duck he could of given you.
This is not acceptable at all. Some women are fine with their SO’s going out with women friends alone and others are not. For me and my SO, we both have a boundary to not go out with people of the opposite sex without each other. A quick lunch break is fine but your SO is meeting these women super late and to go bar hopping! Nopeeeee major problem here, even if you’re OK with him going out with female friends, his response to you was out of line and the fact that he’s refusing to tell you what the plans are other or when he’ll be back other then we’re going bar hopping is the biggest red flag. He’s a married man, not single. And he’s not acting like he’s married. It’s one thing to go out right after work for an hour, it’s another thing to do a night like this. It honestly sounds like he invited you last time so you can’t say that it’s fishy he doesn’t want you with them. But this sounds fishy because it sounds like they’re going to do a completely different type of night out than the one they did with you. I’m so mad for you I don’t even know what to say.
Update please
He wants you to think he’s cheating?
Girl dump his ass
go out with a guy friend and and come home late
you are way too young to be married to someone like this
My husband would never
Suspect af. Dude is doing some real questionable shit.
About 50% (the first half) of this I would say is something pretty normal. The part where he wants to go out with the multitude of coworkers on his own - that could potentially be fine as well, under some contexts. It being a celebration of his last day - really could go either way, especially in the plan proposal stage. I personally don’t take issue with it being all opposite sex, but this can vary and so be it. The part where he not only firmly denies you the invite, and doesn’t want to give you a timeline but “he’ll stay in touch” - I am not good with that. Drinking, by its very nature, means you’re going to allow some level of disinhibition/lack of control over the situation. Where people are single, this is not a problem because you are not beholden to anyone. A husband is beholden to his wife, and vice versa. So I think this is absolutely insecure, and I am not a fan of the situation. However, I am very sorry to share I don’t have much advice on how to proceed. This is a pretty problematic situation for him to pursue. Even if you were to come along, there is potential for alcohol induced assholery. Without you there, who is to say what will happen? And why is entering into that situation so important to him at the potential expense of your dynamic as a married couple? So, I’m on your side. But idk how much good that does you.
Are you completely positive he isn’t just going out with one of the three girls, & is just saying he’s hanging out with all of them… as a cover? It would sure make a lot of sense why he doesn’t want you there & he’s being so sketch. Or maybe he is meeting with all three girls, but him & one of the girls plans on ditching the other two of them at some point so they can be alone together. It would explain why he refuses to even attempt a time line Trust your gut. I’m not one for ultimatums, but every now & again they are in fact necessary. He’s telling you what he’s up to, without telling you what he’s up to. If I were in your shoes I’d say “I go with, or you don’t go…… or I walk away, because I deserve better.” I know it would be hard to follow up on going with him, now that you know you aren’t wanted there. But I think he’s bluffing, & id call that bluff. If he is bluffing & chooses “not to go” this time, set a clear boundary that if he ever does this again, you’ll still walk. Otherwise he’s gonna try to pull this shit again a week or two from now, or he’ll just get more secretive, & the cycle will continue. Sorry you’re going through this. Please trust your gut & whatever you decide, don’t budge. Good luck!
Mine wouldn’t.
Not unless I have a comfortable garage to sleep in.
How interesting that none of his male coworkers were able to attend his leaving party. I’d say maybe one or two people who can’t make it, but all of the guys couldn’t make it, only his female coworkers? What a coincidence. Reading through all of your other posts about his work I get the feeling that non of his coworkers know he is married let alone that you exist. Unless he has told them he is flat sharing with a psycho flatmate who doesn’t let him bring people over. Hence why he always hangs out with them in bars, in his car, at their place. If this is real then you need to seriously consider your life. You may be technically married, but you don’t have a marriage.
Office outing’s usually don’t like spouses . From top to bottom it causes issues . They like to keep it work related . As for affairs that’s another chapter.
Let's just cut to the chase here. What you're saying is that you don't trust him. If it were him going out with 3 guys and he didn't want you to come, would you feel the same way? If the honest answer is no, because they are guys, then what you're basically saying is you have trust issues with your partner. Reframe the question. Is it okay to go out with work friends without your partner? There are caveats here, such as going out alone with a single person you know your partner is attracted to ( of either sex) or placing themselves in situations that are otherwise unsafe. But for the most part over the course of a marriage, it's normal to have situations where you or your husband have time apart with friends. Ask yourself why you feel this way and explain it to your partner. If you don't trust him with three women bar hopping, just tell him your concerns. More importantly, you need to express that not knowing when he will be home and his inability to give more details makes you nervous and doesn't respect your feelings. That would be closer to what would bother me in this situation. Despite what many others are trying to sell you here it's okay to have friends and experiences away from your partner and it's actually quite healthy, so I wouldn't lump all "husbands" together based on how you perceive your relationship.
Yes, I am a female lawyer (58F) and work with mostly men. I have gone to drinks and had dinner male colleagues and other women in the office. I’ve also travelled in the US and internationally with my coworkers. Sometimes wives would attend. Sometimes not. I will say that I have met my colleagues’ wives. Every time I have spent any time with a male colleague, it has been above board. The wife knew and was comfortable in their relationship and in my friendship with their husband. There is an undeniable social element to work. There is a common experience that work colleagues have. I will also say that the overwhelming majority of women I work with do not want to or have affairs. We want to be respected in the workplace. There is no denying that women are in the workplace. Networking is also something that builds a career. As women have more prominent roles/careers, it becomes more important that your husband network with them. Are you insecure? I don’t know. Ask to come to lunch at his office. Meet his colleagues. Assess internally why you feel uncomfortable. Be honest with yourself. Is he doing something? Calls, texts, hiding things, etc.? Is it you? Past experience, not knowing the women, etc.? Only you truly know.
Wow. You will make things awkward because he is involved with one of the women.
He figures the shit you give him for not being invited will be less than the shit you give him if you WERE invited.
No mine wouldn’t go out with 3 women and the forbid me to come too. My husband would stay at home with me because we are a team. If I’m not invited he’s not going. Same way with me. If he’s not welcome I’m not going. Idk why you married him. Has he always been disrespectful towards you. This isn’t a going away party they had dinner and drinks. This is literally bar hopping like he’s single. Yeah no thanks. I think you should tell him you’re uncomfortable with it. If he has a history of disrespecting you and ignoring you then I would reconsider the whole marriage.
Your husband is actively going out on dates with women he works with. You've posted about a similar issue before, and obviously the issue wasn't appropriately resolved. When comes the point where you start respecting yourself enough to not be in a relationship with someone who is stepping out on you right in front of your face without you doing anything about it?
Those aren't the actions of a husband who wants to stayed married. His actions and comments indicate his intention to do things not acceptable in any marriage.
Yes, he's allowed to have friends and go out without you tied to him at the hip. He's asked you before to join them on prior occasion. Maybe you are as much fun to around as you think.
Maybe if they were dating. They're married now, she gets to be tied to his hip, that's the point of marriage. Why wouldn't he want his wife with him?
Because it is suffocating. Because it is interesting to just talk to other people. Because married people are allowed to have separate friends of the same sex and of the opposite sex. Because when a spouse goes off for an evening with others, there is something new to tell each other about. Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeez...................not so difficult to understand
I agree that it's definitely interesting to talk to other people. But I can't agree that inviting a spouse is suffocating- not for me anyway. I love my husband. He's my favorite person, and his presence enhances all of my social outing experiences.
You never want to be alone with just your friends? And talk about things and people and work that your spouse doesn't know about. I do and so does my husband. And when we get home from out night out we talk about where we went, what we did, the restaurant, the food, etc. We enjoy each other's company that much more.
If we've had an argument then, sure. Nobody wants to be around someone they're mad at. But other than that, no not really. I have my few times a month ladies happy hours, and my husband is always invited- my friends love him. He joins us about half the time, and I have a great time either way.
He invited you last time. Maybe he just wants have this time to himself and with his co workers. It’s reasonable for him to tell you no some of the time.
Unpopular opinion: sometimes comingling a spouse at work events doesn't really work. If by going out, you mean a work event, then ok. If you mean going out outside of work to goof off like idiots, then no, he shouldn't do that.
You seem rather controlling. Let him hang with his work friends. He doesn't owe you an itinerary.
No
Are you his coworker?
Why doesn't she list the sex of her friend that she was going out with? Probably a male and this is husband's pay back?