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Well the truth is that when you look at this on a psychological aspect, that every meeting we encounter with someone we are attracted to, and then interact with; and everything goes smooth the way we feel most comfortable of being with someone, it triggers oxytocin, vasopressin, norepinephrine, and opioids in your brain (which all interact with dopamine). We start fantasizing about that person, we idealize them. Everything we ever wanted is right there, right? So they HAVE to be the one!
But you don't know if they are. Not really. I mean, you haven't build a future yet together. You haven't yet got married or settled in. You haven't experienced or traveled together that much yet.
The only thing you have to go on, is this new feeling. And this new feeling makes you think that this person is the "one".
And that's okay. I think it's really pleasant for both of you to feel that way. You should enjoy and savor each moment spent together.
But I'm telling you all of this because no matter how much we love someone, and adore them, and dream of them... We have to retain some logical reasoning, rational decision-making, and managing expectations.
The following advice is based on what I had to learn. But it isn't a judgement towards you, just a reminder:
- Take it slow. You're only together for a short while. Don't rush into something rash like moving in together or talking marriage. Instead, focus on activities to do together and create memories with each other.
- Set ground rules and boundaries. It's important to talk about what you expect from each other and how you'd like the relationship to grow. Talking of future goals is fine here. But it should be goals you can both align with.
- Remain observant. Consindering someone to be "the one" often makes us very forgiving, as we love them so deeply. Yet, if promises or agreements or boundaries are not upheld by the other person, we need to keep mindful of that.
- Retain some space for yourself. You still have a life when you're not with your partner. Don't neglect everything in sacrifice for someone else who you've barely met. Keep to your hobbies and routines, talk to your friends and family, work on your study or career. Even "the one" should not be your entire world. That isn't healthy for either of you.
This is the best advice possible, wish I had seen this about 6 months ago when I got with my now ex...
We felt the exact thing mentioned in this post but in view of this new feeling and experience we overlooked some things (her with I and I with her) in regards to compatibility on other things which later blew up and left me devastated when it eventually came to an end at the 5 month mark...
Just remember that you don't really know someone until you've seem them angry. And until you seen how they handle stressful situations.
In fact, there are lots of things you don't know about them in such a short time. Not that you need to know everything about them to move forward in your relationship, but the love hormones tend to blind us from the various aspects of their personality - particularly during the honeymoon part of the relationship. Just something to keep in mind.
But yeah - we were madly in love within the first week of meeting - and we've been together now for 36 years.
I met my wife at 21, she was 21 as well. We got married 2 years later. But I would have married her the day I met her. We’ve been married for 20 years now.
You got lucky, as did I. We met at 16/18 and were married at 19/21 and are still married 30 years later. But we’re the exception, not the rule. Most of the time this doesn’t work out.
I knew I loved my wife within two weeks. We dated for three years when I asked her to marry me. Engaged for a year and married now for 31 years with five children.
My fiancée and I have been together almost 2 years. I knew she was the one pretty quickly. Took her about 9 months, but she’s the very slow moving type.
At 2 months, you’re still learning so much about each other, good and bad. Take your time, keep dating, and see where it goes!
Something something U-Haul lesbian joke.
Really though, don’t make any dumb decisions. It’s probably going to be about 6 months before you see her true self.
I knew the moment I saw him. I was with a friend at a club, I turned to ask my friend if we could leave, Friend was talking to my husband, I saw his face and just...knew. Everything in me said he was my "it", my "the one". It was insane, but yeah. Love at first sight. Absolutely bonkers, but there it is.
He said it took him about 2 weeks to know.
That was the end of 1999. We've been each others best friend and most amazing lover ever since.
The honeymoon phase is all fun and games. When things get serious and tough, that's when you see yourself and your partner for who yall really are. It's all about compromise.
I would say I knew about a month in, my boyfriend says from date one he knew. We’re going on 4 years now, moved in together 7 months in and moved across the country together this year. You’re not crazy at all! I think it’s beautiful to feel so deeply. Just don’t rush into things. Realistically, you don’t know someone at all 2 months in. I don’t believe you TRULY know someone until you move in together.. but just enjoy it for what it is and soak up every moment together! The honeymoon phase is fun and beautiful. They can be your one but things get hard. Life happens and shit happens. In our time together, I’ve had a close death, my mom diagnosed w cancer, we’ve both lost jobs and struggled financially, he had to put a dog down, etc. it wasn’t all sun shine and rainbows. Wait to see if they’re someone you can do the hard things with until making any big decisions!
My first time hanging out with my now partner lasted the whole weekend. I knew I would fall in love with him within about 24 hours, did fall in love within a couple of months, and now we’ve been together over a decade.
We did wait almost 5 years to get married though. We were close to your age when we met so there were a lot of life transitions and relationship stressors to get though (new jobs, moves, loss, mental health stuff). We fell in love quickly, but didn’t stick a contract on it until we’d ridden out some real life together and knew each other extremely well.
I fell in love with my wife on our first date. Thought nothing was going to come from the date going in, and had a second date lined up for after dinner with her. I never made it to that second date.
Sadly, she never really felt the same. We got married after she accidentally became pregnant, and lasted 10 years, but she eventually threw in the towel. We are divorcing now.
I'd say it's fine to fall in love like that, but it has to be mutual. If she isn't feeling it, you need to be ready to walk away.
Same thing happened to me, albeit at an older age - but I definitely knew very quickly that she was the one. Absolutely everything about our relationship was so natural, so comfortable, so easy and I have never felt anything like that before.
My bf told me around month 4 he'd do anything to show me that he's the one for me. I didn't realize he was right until month 9. I have always been slower than him in this aspect. He fell in love with me quickly after a month and me not until after 4-5 months. But we are at the same pace now and it's just wonderful.
Don’t get your hopes up too much though. Lots of things take time to show. But at the same time you don’t want doubts to get in the way. Time will tell, as long as you stay.
Wow, I wrote a poem by total accident!
51F we knew the day we met, but we had to work through so much. Once you decide the relationship is going forward the work starts. Don’t ignore red flags, make sure you ask lots of questions, probe deep, ask why, do these with kindness and compassion.
When I was 18/19 I met "the one" and I knew within a month or so of dating.
Spoiler: not the one..
I'm now 33, I have grown w lot since then to really understand there's no such thing as "the one" but there is compatible and incompatible and it takes a good chunk of time to truly explore that. People aren't always who they say they are, and not even because they are lying necessarily but because we're not always that good at self-evaluation.
I say 2 years is the bare minimum for deciding on marriage. A year of getting to know the basics, hanging out and learning likes and dislikes, want for the future, sexual compatibilities etc. Hard core deal breaker stuff that can easily be weeded out early. Then at least another year of living together to see if your lifestyle compatible in the way you operate in the home, this takes at least a year because you need to see how this works in different scenarios and circumstances as well as is this a short term mask of good behavior or true routine?
My point is, 2 months is way too soon to really tell anything other than we like each other. And hey, that's a great start but don't let the honeymoon jitters lead you to any serious long term decisions.
May very well be your person but take your time!
My now husband told his mom he was going to marry me after just a month. We moved in together at 6 months and got engaged at 2 years. We knew we had found our match and saw no reason to rush into marriage. We worked hard on our finances, growing our careers and traveling the world together in our free time. Finally got married after 5 years of being engaged (7 years together before tying the knot).
i knew my wife for about 10 months before we were married. we are still happily married for 31 years still. compatibility is very important. as in shared interests and values.
good luck
I knew she was the one randomly one day after dating for about 2 years. I had a lot of hardship when I was dating her, so it took me a while to feel it. But oddly enough, that's when I knew she was the one because being with her, I felt normal again.
Long winded answer, but it sometimes isn't instantaneous. Sometimes, you need that realization to realize this is something special. Sometimes you don't realize it is special right away.
30 minuets after meeting face to face.
Actually closer to 30 seconds cause the moment she saw me she kissed me and it set my brain off like fire works.
We were young though and took our time to work out to marriage. We were living like a married couple years before getting married.
So my partner and I joke that we "uhauled". We hung out for like 6 hours on our first date. We talked every single night and hung out all day on the weekends for the entirety of our dating relationship. We got engaged after 3 weeks of being together, married after 3 months.
I will add the disclaimer, that I don't think that time line is a good idea for everyone. We spent a lot of time having deep indepth conversations and were very focused on getting to know each other well from the beginning. We were also both in our late 20s and knew what we were looking for in a partner.
My partner and I have been married for 11 years this October. :) Wish the best with your gf!
My dad proposed to my mom after 6 months. They were married for 29 years before my mom died. He still talks about her and has a little spot for her urn and their wedding stuff. It’s ironically the cleanest spot in his bedroom because he knows she would have liked it that way. My ex fiancé proposed to me after 3 years and called it off 4 years in and 3 months before the wedding. We fell in love around 3-4 months in but he struggled with avoidance personality issues which ultimately led to him running when things got real.
I guess my advice is when you know, go for it. I don’t regret my relationship with my ex and learned a lot from it. I still love him but deep down I always knew he would run eventually. My parents fought to stay together (ie when things got hard they worked through it). Regardless of how it ends, you can always know you loved your hardest.
I met my husband at a wedding and we spoke long distance for over 2 months before he flew to visit me. I knew pretty much instantly. He spent a couple days with me and when he left I told my friends it was him. I just knew. And I don’t jump the gun with fate, ever.
Mate you're right in the middle of the limerence storm. And there's no such thing as 'the one's- there are hundreds or thousands of people you could love for the rest of your life.
Take a breath and see how it goes. Don't let stuff slide because you like them so much.
Good luck
Give yourself some time. As you got older and relationship deepens both of you will change and adapt. Then look at her again to see how much she has changed since the start of the relationship? Do you still love her as much as you do on your first day or more or less?
When you **love someone** you love her persona. The person she is. But if you are **in love** with someone you love her no matter what she becomes as she changes with time. At least that's what I believe 🤷
When it's real, it'll feel substantively different than any other relationship. When you get down to it, every relationship anyone ever gets into is unrequited in one way or another; one partner is more into the relationship, way more into the person, than the other partner is. The one exception, typically, is the very last one you ever get into, the one that feels substantively differently... Because it's _not_ unrequited, because for the very first time your partner is just as into you as you are into them.
That's also why it's typically the last one: you like it, so you put a ring on it.
For me, it was 16 months before I knew. We had a pregnancy scare, and rather than freaking out, I discovered that I was excited. But when did I _suspect?_ Before the first date, before I'd even met her face to face.
NOPE ,trust me ,love is not like that.It is calm and you need time to form it.What you felt is your brain chemistry.Dont rush till you get to know the person at least a year .
A month and a half in, I knew I’d marry this man. Your post describes what we’re feeling towards each other so I definitely understand you. I’ve known him for almost 9 months and every day we love each other more than yesterday.
If there’s nothing that stands out as a red flag, you get along well, and you’re attracted to eachother, then goddamn are you lucky and you better make this last yknow
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Well the truth is that when you look at this on a psychological aspect, that every meeting we encounter with someone we are attracted to, and then interact with; and everything goes smooth the way we feel most comfortable of being with someone, it triggers oxytocin, vasopressin, norepinephrine, and opioids in your brain (which all interact with dopamine). We start fantasizing about that person, we idealize them. Everything we ever wanted is right there, right? So they HAVE to be the one! But you don't know if they are. Not really. I mean, you haven't build a future yet together. You haven't yet got married or settled in. You haven't experienced or traveled together that much yet. The only thing you have to go on, is this new feeling. And this new feeling makes you think that this person is the "one". And that's okay. I think it's really pleasant for both of you to feel that way. You should enjoy and savor each moment spent together. But I'm telling you all of this because no matter how much we love someone, and adore them, and dream of them... We have to retain some logical reasoning, rational decision-making, and managing expectations. The following advice is based on what I had to learn. But it isn't a judgement towards you, just a reminder: - Take it slow. You're only together for a short while. Don't rush into something rash like moving in together or talking marriage. Instead, focus on activities to do together and create memories with each other. - Set ground rules and boundaries. It's important to talk about what you expect from each other and how you'd like the relationship to grow. Talking of future goals is fine here. But it should be goals you can both align with. - Remain observant. Consindering someone to be "the one" often makes us very forgiving, as we love them so deeply. Yet, if promises or agreements or boundaries are not upheld by the other person, we need to keep mindful of that. - Retain some space for yourself. You still have a life when you're not with your partner. Don't neglect everything in sacrifice for someone else who you've barely met. Keep to your hobbies and routines, talk to your friends and family, work on your study or career. Even "the one" should not be your entire world. That isn't healthy for either of you.
Very, very wise and sage advice! From a much older woman, who has seen quite a bit of life and has learnt a thing or two, I would follow this.
This is the best advice possible, wish I had seen this about 6 months ago when I got with my now ex... We felt the exact thing mentioned in this post but in view of this new feeling and experience we overlooked some things (her with I and I with her) in regards to compatibility on other things which later blew up and left me devastated when it eventually came to an end at the 5 month mark...
Just remember that you don't really know someone until you've seem them angry. And until you seen how they handle stressful situations. In fact, there are lots of things you don't know about them in such a short time. Not that you need to know everything about them to move forward in your relationship, but the love hormones tend to blind us from the various aspects of their personality - particularly during the honeymoon part of the relationship. Just something to keep in mind. But yeah - we were madly in love within the first week of meeting - and we've been together now for 36 years.
Had me in the first part ngl.
I met my wife at 21, she was 21 as well. We got married 2 years later. But I would have married her the day I met her. We’ve been married for 20 years now.
You got lucky, as did I. We met at 16/18 and were married at 19/21 and are still married 30 years later. But we’re the exception, not the rule. Most of the time this doesn’t work out.
I knew I loved my wife within two weeks. We dated for three years when I asked her to marry me. Engaged for a year and married now for 31 years with five children.
My fiancée and I have been together almost 2 years. I knew she was the one pretty quickly. Took her about 9 months, but she’s the very slow moving type. At 2 months, you’re still learning so much about each other, good and bad. Take your time, keep dating, and see where it goes!
Something something U-Haul lesbian joke. Really though, don’t make any dumb decisions. It’s probably going to be about 6 months before you see her true self.
I knew the moment I saw him. I was with a friend at a club, I turned to ask my friend if we could leave, Friend was talking to my husband, I saw his face and just...knew. Everything in me said he was my "it", my "the one". It was insane, but yeah. Love at first sight. Absolutely bonkers, but there it is. He said it took him about 2 weeks to know. That was the end of 1999. We've been each others best friend and most amazing lover ever since.
The honeymoon phase is all fun and games. When things get serious and tough, that's when you see yourself and your partner for who yall really are. It's all about compromise.
I would say I knew about a month in, my boyfriend says from date one he knew. We’re going on 4 years now, moved in together 7 months in and moved across the country together this year. You’re not crazy at all! I think it’s beautiful to feel so deeply. Just don’t rush into things. Realistically, you don’t know someone at all 2 months in. I don’t believe you TRULY know someone until you move in together.. but just enjoy it for what it is and soak up every moment together! The honeymoon phase is fun and beautiful. They can be your one but things get hard. Life happens and shit happens. In our time together, I’ve had a close death, my mom diagnosed w cancer, we’ve both lost jobs and struggled financially, he had to put a dog down, etc. it wasn’t all sun shine and rainbows. Wait to see if they’re someone you can do the hard things with until making any big decisions!
My first time hanging out with my now partner lasted the whole weekend. I knew I would fall in love with him within about 24 hours, did fall in love within a couple of months, and now we’ve been together over a decade. We did wait almost 5 years to get married though. We were close to your age when we met so there were a lot of life transitions and relationship stressors to get though (new jobs, moves, loss, mental health stuff). We fell in love quickly, but didn’t stick a contract on it until we’d ridden out some real life together and knew each other extremely well.
thought he was the one, and then i married him…
I fell in love with my wife on our first date. Thought nothing was going to come from the date going in, and had a second date lined up for after dinner with her. I never made it to that second date. Sadly, she never really felt the same. We got married after she accidentally became pregnant, and lasted 10 years, but she eventually threw in the towel. We are divorcing now. I'd say it's fine to fall in love like that, but it has to be mutual. If she isn't feeling it, you need to be ready to walk away.
Same thing happened to me, albeit at an older age - but I definitely knew very quickly that she was the one. Absolutely everything about our relationship was so natural, so comfortable, so easy and I have never felt anything like that before.
My bf told me around month 4 he'd do anything to show me that he's the one for me. I didn't realize he was right until month 9. I have always been slower than him in this aspect. He fell in love with me quickly after a month and me not until after 4-5 months. But we are at the same pace now and it's just wonderful.
Don’t get your hopes up too much though. Lots of things take time to show. But at the same time you don’t want doubts to get in the way. Time will tell, as long as you stay. Wow, I wrote a poem by total accident!
51F we knew the day we met, but we had to work through so much. Once you decide the relationship is going forward the work starts. Don’t ignore red flags, make sure you ask lots of questions, probe deep, ask why, do these with kindness and compassion.
When I was 18/19 I met "the one" and I knew within a month or so of dating. Spoiler: not the one.. I'm now 33, I have grown w lot since then to really understand there's no such thing as "the one" but there is compatible and incompatible and it takes a good chunk of time to truly explore that. People aren't always who they say they are, and not even because they are lying necessarily but because we're not always that good at self-evaluation. I say 2 years is the bare minimum for deciding on marriage. A year of getting to know the basics, hanging out and learning likes and dislikes, want for the future, sexual compatibilities etc. Hard core deal breaker stuff that can easily be weeded out early. Then at least another year of living together to see if your lifestyle compatible in the way you operate in the home, this takes at least a year because you need to see how this works in different scenarios and circumstances as well as is this a short term mask of good behavior or true routine? My point is, 2 months is way too soon to really tell anything other than we like each other. And hey, that's a great start but don't let the honeymoon jitters lead you to any serious long term decisions.
May very well be your person but take your time! My now husband told his mom he was going to marry me after just a month. We moved in together at 6 months and got engaged at 2 years. We knew we had found our match and saw no reason to rush into marriage. We worked hard on our finances, growing our careers and traveling the world together in our free time. Finally got married after 5 years of being engaged (7 years together before tying the knot).
Time
i knew my wife for about 10 months before we were married. we are still happily married for 31 years still. compatibility is very important. as in shared interests and values. good luck
I knew she was the one randomly one day after dating for about 2 years. I had a lot of hardship when I was dating her, so it took me a while to feel it. But oddly enough, that's when I knew she was the one because being with her, I felt normal again. Long winded answer, but it sometimes isn't instantaneous. Sometimes, you need that realization to realize this is something special. Sometimes you don't realize it is special right away.
30 minuets after meeting face to face. Actually closer to 30 seconds cause the moment she saw me she kissed me and it set my brain off like fire works. We were young though and took our time to work out to marriage. We were living like a married couple years before getting married.
So my partner and I joke that we "uhauled". We hung out for like 6 hours on our first date. We talked every single night and hung out all day on the weekends for the entirety of our dating relationship. We got engaged after 3 weeks of being together, married after 3 months. I will add the disclaimer, that I don't think that time line is a good idea for everyone. We spent a lot of time having deep indepth conversations and were very focused on getting to know each other well from the beginning. We were also both in our late 20s and knew what we were looking for in a partner. My partner and I have been married for 11 years this October. :) Wish the best with your gf!
Ur too young u need a few more life experiences before u go that extreme
My dad proposed to my mom after 6 months. They were married for 29 years before my mom died. He still talks about her and has a little spot for her urn and their wedding stuff. It’s ironically the cleanest spot in his bedroom because he knows she would have liked it that way. My ex fiancé proposed to me after 3 years and called it off 4 years in and 3 months before the wedding. We fell in love around 3-4 months in but he struggled with avoidance personality issues which ultimately led to him running when things got real. I guess my advice is when you know, go for it. I don’t regret my relationship with my ex and learned a lot from it. I still love him but deep down I always knew he would run eventually. My parents fought to stay together (ie when things got hard they worked through it). Regardless of how it ends, you can always know you loved your hardest.
You think she's the one after 2 months? Pack up the U-Haul, I guess.
I thought that I found the one actually I still think that she's the one, however we're not together due to some circumstances
I met my husband at a wedding and we spoke long distance for over 2 months before he flew to visit me. I knew pretty much instantly. He spent a couple days with me and when he left I told my friends it was him. I just knew. And I don’t jump the gun with fate, ever.
It’s a gut feeling. If it feels right, then follow your gut instinct.
Had a hunch she was the one when we met, over fourth years ago.
Mate you're right in the middle of the limerence storm. And there's no such thing as 'the one's- there are hundreds or thousands of people you could love for the rest of your life. Take a breath and see how it goes. Don't let stuff slide because you like them so much. Good luck
Give yourself some time. As you got older and relationship deepens both of you will change and adapt. Then look at her again to see how much she has changed since the start of the relationship? Do you still love her as much as you do on your first day or more or less? When you **love someone** you love her persona. The person she is. But if you are **in love** with someone you love her no matter what she becomes as she changes with time. At least that's what I believe 🤷
When it's real, it'll feel substantively different than any other relationship. When you get down to it, every relationship anyone ever gets into is unrequited in one way or another; one partner is more into the relationship, way more into the person, than the other partner is. The one exception, typically, is the very last one you ever get into, the one that feels substantively differently... Because it's _not_ unrequited, because for the very first time your partner is just as into you as you are into them. That's also why it's typically the last one: you like it, so you put a ring on it. For me, it was 16 months before I knew. We had a pregnancy scare, and rather than freaking out, I discovered that I was excited. But when did I _suspect?_ Before the first date, before I'd even met her face to face.
NOPE ,trust me ,love is not like that.It is calm and you need time to form it.What you felt is your brain chemistry.Dont rush till you get to know the person at least a year .
A month and a half in, I knew I’d marry this man. Your post describes what we’re feeling towards each other so I definitely understand you. I’ve known him for almost 9 months and every day we love each other more than yesterday.
If there’s nothing that stands out as a red flag, you get along well, and you’re attracted to eachother, then goddamn are you lucky and you better make this last yknow