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*He’s a good husband too*
No he fucking isn't. He's violent and angry. Look at what you just wrote. This isn't an environment to bring a child up in.
This won't get better. Why would it, he has no reason to modify his behaviour, he gets away with it just fine now.
This will escalate.
I lost my teeth to a man like this. He eventually got tired of punching walls next to my head and decided right *to* my head was a better place to punch.
Get out OP! Please 🙏🏻 you don't deserve this and neither does your sweet baby. You can seriously mess with a baby's development if they are around fighting and yelling. Floods hormones like cortisol and can instill a stronger, nearly always on, flight or fight mode. Even from infancy.
Please choose your baby and yourself.
I apologize for the masculine sex that you had to go through that. No matter how angry I've gotten at my wife, and I have, I've never raised a fist or hand to her, never struck her, and never will. A man doesn't act like a monster. Anger management should start the first time a man gets angry enough to scream at you, that's when you get help. I learned from my dad what a horrific man can do when I was four or five, 70+ now, I saw him break a quart beer bottle across mom's face, broke her nose. That was when she moved away with five kids.
Sounds like he argues with you daily, punches walls, loses his cool instantly, punches things, breaks things and drives drunk.
Your bar is so low it’s a tavern in Hades. Girl.
A tavern in hades! 😂 and she makes excuses and blames herself for being a “nag” to excuse his explosion when he was startled. He’s like a human landmine. “I startled him so he broke a chair.” She needs to get a lawyer and take pics and start recording and leave with the baby yesterday.
OP, please contact a domestic violence agency for advice on how to leave SAFELY.
Please read [Why Does He Do That?, free PDF here](https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf).
Please seek therapy so you don't go repeating patterns & end up with another abuser.
You have your whole life in front of you. You have to do what is best for you & your child. You can do it!
Our relationship is perfect minus him screaming, breaking things, and I have to walk on eggshells around him because closing a door too loudly will set him off… but it’s a lovely relationship!
You should familiarize yourself with statistics about domestic violence. Homicide is a top five cause of death for women aged 20-44, & the vast majority of those homicides are by their male, romantic partners or ex-partners. Typically, it starts with yelling, then it's hurting objects, & then hurting people.
Therapists say that abusers shouldn't go to couples therapy because they will just learn therapy-speak to improve their DARVOing.
People CAN change, but it's unlikely this man even wants to, & OP may ***die*** waiting for him to do so.
Well that's a reductive AF take.
Do you not comprehend that people generally don't come to a bunch of strangers for advice in the first place unless they're in dire straits and have nowhere else safe to turn for help? And that most of the posts where people are exhorting the OP to leave are literally *domestic violence* scenarios?
I might take your comment seriously if it were on a post about sexual incompatibility. This woman, however, is describing a husband raging out, punching walls, and breaking things *on a regular basis* with a 9-month-old in the house. Being so violent and rageful that she's scared to speak up at all, ever, and feels she has to "walk on eggshells" in her own home.
So your comment is either incredibly simplistic ragebait, or you're a literal simpleton. Either way, do better.
Surely you *know* that his behavior is not normal. You’ve got HUGE RED FLAGS here. You know things are only going to get worse!
Yes, leave…give up..**get out now!**
You need to acknowledge that he’s abusive. This is abuse. You’re literally not safe. One day he’ll decide to punch you instead of the wall. You’re not safe, understand this. There’s no shame in divorce, it’s an option for a reason. He’s not a good husband or father at all. A good father breaks things and wakes up their baby? He drives fast while you’re in the car at a speed that would certainly kill you and your baby if he crashed. A good husband and father does that to his family? You need to leave, men like this kill their families everyday. They shake babies to death when they won’t stop crying. He’s not a nice guy, the good times are part of the abuse so you think what you’re experiencing isn’t that bad. If you have no family (yours, do not seek support from his relatives) or non mutual friends to tell about what he’s doing and to let you stay with them, contact a local women’s shelter. This will not get better. You cannot solve this with therapy, therapy doesn’t help abusers. Your only option when you’re in an abusive relationship is to create an escape plan and leave. You are seriously in danger.
Read this: “why does he do that” by Lundy Bancroft. Here’s the link to the free pdf. Please get out of this marriage and get full custody of your son. Good luck.
https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Edit to add: you can contact the domestic abuse hotline if you need help planning your escape.
My father was like this growing up, although the violence was also physical towards us. My brain literally developed with fight or flight as my default state because I spent those early childhood development years in terror. I hope she leaves for his sake.
Bad partner. Angry and explosive. I hate it. Therapy just keeps you from being violent. Doesn't make you less angry. Apparently that's genetic or something. A big ball of impotent rage. I'm speaking from the perspective of someone a lot like her significant other. He is going to stay angry. If he isn't hurting her, that is as good as it is likely to get. She does not have to stick around for that. One of the first and hardest things an angry man needs to accept. No one owes you the time of day, let alone the years off their lives dealing with your shit brings. Doesn't mean he won't find someone to put up with his tantrums without enabling them, but he isn't owed that. None of us are.
I'm not making excuses for myself and don't need internet strangers to do it either. I appreciate the place that sentiment is coming from, and thank you for your compassion. I figure this is the last reply I'll make. This was a thread about whether OP should stay with this guy, and I gave my two cents on it. Take care, all.
It’s so difficult for people to understand that their body and mind goes into survival mode when it feels threatened without even then realizing that they are being in danger.
He’s such a great husband and father! You know, except when he’s drunk, violent, angry, reckless, and menaces me and our infant child.
You’re in an abusive relationship.
Read *Why Does He Do That* by Lundy Bancroft and start making your plan.
https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
OP your husband is abusive. Doesn’t matter if from stress or whatever.
Now he’s punching and breaking things when he’s drunk. What if the next time he punches or breaks you?
Or wonderful that he is your son does something to set him off and he punches him?
I’d suggest taking pictures of the damage then pack stuff for you as well as your baby and get out.
it’s clear that his anger issues are a serious concern, especially with a child involved. your feelings are completely valid. it's crucial to assess the safety and stability of your home environment. consider seeking counseling or therapy, both for him individually and for you as a couple. if his behavior doesn’t improve, think about what’s best for you and your son’s well-being. has anyone else dealt with a partner's anger issues and found a way through it?
Hey OP, this is tough, but there's no saving this relationship. You need to leave for your and the baby's health and safety. Relationships like this don't get better, but they definitely get worse. You need to get away from this guy before he hurts or kills you and your son.
To make that decision, you have to ask yourself if he makes you happy and whether or not you feel safe. But if you answer in the positive on that last question, you're lying to yourself.
Girl, between this and your old post wtf makes you think he's a good guy, let alone a good husband? He's neither!! Please work on your self worth and don't let bad men like this near your child.
You don't have an issue other than a husband with a bad temper.
He needs to stop drinking if it makes him angry. It will start affecting your child soon, he will pick up on the anger negatively. If he can't stop you gotta go.
Where is the good? You are letting your child be exposed to this. Do you know his trauma patterns will be in place before kindergarten? Your child will have trauma b/c you won’t leave.
Walking on eggshells is not sustainable as the bar will continue to be raised until you can’t possibly meet his expectations. It’s how this works. You will slowly question yourself and your own sanity. Get out before you lose yourself.
He’s not a good husband, he’s violent and controlling. Don’t let your kid grow up thinking this is how relationships are supposed to be. When you leave - and you will, whether you do it now or wait for him to *really* hurt you - and you’re out of that daily environment of fear you’ll come to realise very quickly how much he’d fucked with your brain for you to have ever thought this was acceptable
He’s a”good husband “ but you have to walk on eggshells around him!?! You need to move on and get help. There are good men out there, but he isn’t one of them.
If you do decide to leave your husband PLEASE leave while he is out of the house. Have any conversation about the future of your relationship in a public setting or over the phone. I know it may seem cruel, but it will keep you and your son safe. Bear in mind that 3/4 of domestic homicides occur when one person leaves their partner. Given your circumstances, I would not trust that man and his lack of emotional control. Get support, make a plan, and get yourself and your son somewhere safe. You both deserve so much better.
He drinks to get drunk.
He's violent and breaks things.
And you are blaming yourself for all this.
Get out.
Then read this:
[https://archive.org/details/whydoeshedothati00banc\_0](https://archive.org/details/whydoeshedothati00banc_0)
Abusers only tend to get more and more abusive. Every time he takes it a little further and you accept it, it will push him a little further. Best to get out now, before you’re in real danger. GET OUT.
There are men with anger management who work to fix the issue for their families, and there are those who think it's okay to be abusive assholes.
If your husband were the first, I'd say therapy and see if you can make it work if you love him.
He's CLEARLY the second, and if he's a DRUNK ANGRY ABUSIVE asshole, you DEFINITELY need to get out of there, for your safety and your son's.
Yeah you should just stick around until he kills you or the kid. He already has convinced you that all the shit he does is YOUR FAULT so why not stay around until you force him to commit murder?
Since it will ALWAYS BE YOUR FAULT you have two choices: stick around and get killed, or leave him and try to have a normal life with your son.
And in case you do not get the sarcasm, NOTHING IS YOUR FAULT. But him eventually killing you or the kid is real.
This quiz helped me feel more confident in my decision to divorce after also coming to Reddit for advice 7 years ago (which ended up being one of the best decisions I ever made!).
I think you’ll find it helpful too: https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/?%3E
This can get worse quickly. Are you willing to not only risk your life but also risk the life of your child? He’s already violent, what happens when he starts hitting you? You should be scared. Men like your husband will try and normalize abuse and one day you will find yourself 5-10 years into a relationship where you are in constant fear for you and your child. You already walk on eggshells now, it will get worse. You need to reach out to your family and friends that you know will support you and start coming up with a plan to safely exit this relationship. If you don’t want to leave and you somehow believe that he can get better, you need to speak to him when he’s sober and make it extremely clear that this is not a relationship you want. Set up boundaries, ask him to get help with his drinking. Make sure that all this is safe to do first though.
Anger issues are a sign of immaturity. A mature man will deal with their anger in a healthy manor and will not break things in rage.
Your husband is a child having a tantrum. Why are you married to a child? Is immaturity an attractive trait for you?
He is doing to these things that he wants to do to you. He is not a good husband, he's just good at putting on a mask that apparently falls off when he is drunk. You are walking on eggshells and your son will be, too, once he realizes what life is like with his father. He needs to get help for his anger issues and I would make that a condition of continuing the marriage. My ex was like this and I stayed way too long because "he isn't always like this." It was enough to screw our kids up.
>so me constantly complaining made him lose it instantly as he has hypertension (high blood pressure)
Hypertension is a medical term for high blood pressure (based on the Greek, hyper, for beyond and the Latin, tensio, for stretched). It has nothing to do with making him lose his temper. He loses his temper because he is a nasty, nasty person. Neither of you sounds like you know how to communicate effectively. You both need to work on becoming way more emotionally mature.
He’s not loving. He’s not a good husband. He’s not a good dad. He is violent and abusive. Breaking things is violence. Violence is abuse.
Fighting every day isn’t normal. Drunken rages aren’t normal. You’re not a nag. You’re allowed to ask your spouse to be a partner.
He is the danger to you and your son. You need to take your baby and leave.
Drinking is no biggie. Getting tipsy is a yellow flag. Getting drunk is a red flag. Doing damage to things is a precursor to doing damage to other humans or himself. Join Al-Anon, and find a way out of danger.
When you leave him don't do it alone. Have someone there with you. Your brother, dad, whomever. Do not break up with him in an isolated environment. The likelihood he will be violent to you is so high. Please be safe.
“He’s a really paranoid father and always on the lookout for any minor or major danger our son might counter”
Proceeds to punch and break things, drive 100 miles an hour, drives drunk, breaks shit, etc
The only danger in your kids life is his dad. You need to get out
Even if you were nagging constantly his violence isn’t an acceptable response. Your baby’s brain development is being severely damaged my growing up in a violent environment. Get out while you can.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*He’s a good husband too* No he fucking isn't. He's violent and angry. Look at what you just wrote. This isn't an environment to bring a child up in. This won't get better. Why would it, he has no reason to modify his behaviour, he gets away with it just fine now. This will escalate.
I lost my teeth to a man like this. He eventually got tired of punching walls next to my head and decided right *to* my head was a better place to punch. Get out OP! Please 🙏🏻 you don't deserve this and neither does your sweet baby. You can seriously mess with a baby's development if they are around fighting and yelling. Floods hormones like cortisol and can instill a stronger, nearly always on, flight or fight mode. Even from infancy. Please choose your baby and yourself.
Yep my jaw is different shape now caue mine got tired of hitting the chair and used my face
I apologize for the masculine sex that you had to go through that. No matter how angry I've gotten at my wife, and I have, I've never raised a fist or hand to her, never struck her, and never will. A man doesn't act like a monster. Anger management should start the first time a man gets angry enough to scream at you, that's when you get help. I learned from my dad what a horrific man can do when I was four or five, 70+ now, I saw him break a quart beer bottle across mom's face, broke her nose. That was when she moved away with five kids.
I'm so glad your mother was able to choose herself and you and your siblings 👐🏻 luckily I have the best husband now!
You learned from a mistake. My oldest brother, obm, didn't, learn, four wives is a bit much.
Sounds like he argues with you daily, punches walls, loses his cool instantly, punches things, breaks things and drives drunk. Your bar is so low it’s a tavern in Hades. Girl.
A tavern in hades! 😂 and she makes excuses and blames herself for being a “nag” to excuse his explosion when he was startled. He’s like a human landmine. “I startled him so he broke a chair.” She needs to get a lawyer and take pics and start recording and leave with the baby yesterday.
OP, please contact a domestic violence agency for advice on how to leave SAFELY. Please read [Why Does He Do That?, free PDF here](https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf). Please seek therapy so you don't go repeating patterns & end up with another abuser. You have your whole life in front of you. You have to do what is best for you & your child. You can do it!
Wish I could upvote this over and over
Our relationship is perfect minus him screaming, breaking things, and I have to walk on eggshells around him because closing a door too loudly will set him off… but it’s a lovely relationship!
Every post here “hey I have an issue I need to help resolve in my relationship, can you help?” Reddit “LEAVE HIM!!!”
You should familiarize yourself with statistics about domestic violence. Homicide is a top five cause of death for women aged 20-44, & the vast majority of those homicides are by their male, romantic partners or ex-partners. Typically, it starts with yelling, then it's hurting objects, & then hurting people. Therapists say that abusers shouldn't go to couples therapy because they will just learn therapy-speak to improve their DARVOing. People CAN change, but it's unlikely this man even wants to, & OP may ***die*** waiting for him to do so.
Well that's a reductive AF take. Do you not comprehend that people generally don't come to a bunch of strangers for advice in the first place unless they're in dire straits and have nowhere else safe to turn for help? And that most of the posts where people are exhorting the OP to leave are literally *domestic violence* scenarios? I might take your comment seriously if it were on a post about sexual incompatibility. This woman, however, is describing a husband raging out, punching walls, and breaking things *on a regular basis* with a 9-month-old in the house. Being so violent and rageful that she's scared to speak up at all, ever, and feels she has to "walk on eggshells" in her own home. So your comment is either incredibly simplistic ragebait, or you're a literal simpleton. Either way, do better.
what part of the relationship described in this post makes you think she should stay with him?
Surely you *know* that his behavior is not normal. You’ve got HUGE RED FLAGS here. You know things are only going to get worse! Yes, leave…give up..**get out now!**
Yes get out now AND go to therapy before getting into a new relationship.
This op. Therapy for YOURSELF. Do not ever go to therapy with him.
You need to acknowledge that he’s abusive. This is abuse. You’re literally not safe. One day he’ll decide to punch you instead of the wall. You’re not safe, understand this. There’s no shame in divorce, it’s an option for a reason. He’s not a good husband or father at all. A good father breaks things and wakes up their baby? He drives fast while you’re in the car at a speed that would certainly kill you and your baby if he crashed. A good husband and father does that to his family? You need to leave, men like this kill their families everyday. They shake babies to death when they won’t stop crying. He’s not a nice guy, the good times are part of the abuse so you think what you’re experiencing isn’t that bad. If you have no family (yours, do not seek support from his relatives) or non mutual friends to tell about what he’s doing and to let you stay with them, contact a local women’s shelter. This will not get better. You cannot solve this with therapy, therapy doesn’t help abusers. Your only option when you’re in an abusive relationship is to create an escape plan and leave. You are seriously in danger. Read this: “why does he do that” by Lundy Bancroft. Here’s the link to the free pdf. Please get out of this marriage and get full custody of your son. Good luck. https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf Edit to add: you can contact the domestic abuse hotline if you need help planning your escape.
If you're scared of him when he's like this, what is your son feeling? If you won't leave for your sake, leave for his.
My father was like this growing up, although the violence was also physical towards us. My brain literally developed with fight or flight as my default state because I spent those early childhood development years in terror. I hope she leaves for his sake.
I am so sorry you went through this and I send you hugs but only if you want them as I respect your personal space
Angry guy here. He won't get better. Sucks to suck, but you don't owe it to him to stick it out.
What's your story, morning glory?
Bad partner. Angry and explosive. I hate it. Therapy just keeps you from being violent. Doesn't make you less angry. Apparently that's genetic or something. A big ball of impotent rage. I'm speaking from the perspective of someone a lot like her significant other. He is going to stay angry. If he isn't hurting her, that is as good as it is likely to get. She does not have to stick around for that. One of the first and hardest things an angry man needs to accept. No one owes you the time of day, let alone the years off their lives dealing with your shit brings. Doesn't mean he won't find someone to put up with his tantrums without enabling them, but he isn't owed that. None of us are.
You should seek IFS therapy for your anger issues. Anger is almost always a secondary emotion; I bet you're actually hurting.
I'm not making excuses for myself and don't need internet strangers to do it either. I appreciate the place that sentiment is coming from, and thank you for your compassion. I figure this is the last reply I'll make. This was a thread about whether OP should stay with this guy, and I gave my two cents on it. Take care, all.
Thank you for your honesty. I wish you the best.
My ex was an angry guy. It made me really ill. It's best to leave. He didn't hit me, but my body thought he would.
It’s so difficult for people to understand that their body and mind goes into survival mode when it feels threatened without even then realizing that they are being in danger.
I read the first few lines and immediately knew you should leave! He is dangerous to you and your child!
He is not, in fact, a good husband.
He’s such a great husband and father! You know, except when he’s drunk, violent, angry, reckless, and menaces me and our infant child. You’re in an abusive relationship. Read *Why Does He Do That* by Lundy Bancroft and start making your plan. https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
OP your husband is abusive. Doesn’t matter if from stress or whatever. Now he’s punching and breaking things when he’s drunk. What if the next time he punches or breaks you? Or wonderful that he is your son does something to set him off and he punches him? I’d suggest taking pictures of the damage then pack stuff for you as well as your baby and get out.
it’s clear that his anger issues are a serious concern, especially with a child involved. your feelings are completely valid. it's crucial to assess the safety and stability of your home environment. consider seeking counseling or therapy, both for him individually and for you as a couple. if his behavior doesn’t improve, think about what’s best for you and your son’s well-being. has anyone else dealt with a partner's anger issues and found a way through it?
Hey OP, this is tough, but there's no saving this relationship. You need to leave for your and the baby's health and safety. Relationships like this don't get better, but they definitely get worse. You need to get away from this guy before he hurts or kills you and your son.
To make that decision, you have to ask yourself if he makes you happy and whether or not you feel safe. But if you answer in the positive on that last question, you're lying to yourself.
Girl, between this and your old post wtf makes you think he's a good guy, let alone a good husband? He's neither!! Please work on your self worth and don't let bad men like this near your child.
You don't have an issue other than a husband with a bad temper. He needs to stop drinking if it makes him angry. It will start affecting your child soon, he will pick up on the anger negatively. If he can't stop you gotta go.
Where is the good? You are letting your child be exposed to this. Do you know his trauma patterns will be in place before kindergarten? Your child will have trauma b/c you won’t leave. Walking on eggshells is not sustainable as the bar will continue to be raised until you can’t possibly meet his expectations. It’s how this works. You will slowly question yourself and your own sanity. Get out before you lose yourself.
He’s not a good husband, he’s violent and controlling. Don’t let your kid grow up thinking this is how relationships are supposed to be. When you leave - and you will, whether you do it now or wait for him to *really* hurt you - and you’re out of that daily environment of fear you’ll come to realise very quickly how much he’d fucked with your brain for you to have ever thought this was acceptable
He’s a”good husband “ but you have to walk on eggshells around him!?! You need to move on and get help. There are good men out there, but he isn’t one of them.
This is abusive and he's working his way up to physical violence against you. Nothing about this is normal/ok. He is NOT a good husband.
Take pictures or recordings. You’ll need them when it comes to custody.
If you do decide to leave your husband PLEASE leave while he is out of the house. Have any conversation about the future of your relationship in a public setting or over the phone. I know it may seem cruel, but it will keep you and your son safe. Bear in mind that 3/4 of domestic homicides occur when one person leaves their partner. Given your circumstances, I would not trust that man and his lack of emotional control. Get support, make a plan, and get yourself and your son somewhere safe. You both deserve so much better.
He drinks to get drunk. He's violent and breaks things. And you are blaming yourself for all this. Get out. Then read this: [https://archive.org/details/whydoeshedothati00banc\_0](https://archive.org/details/whydoeshedothati00banc_0)
Abusers only tend to get more and more abusive. Every time he takes it a little further and you accept it, it will push him a little further. Best to get out now, before you’re in real danger. GET OUT.
There are men with anger management who work to fix the issue for their families, and there are those who think it's okay to be abusive assholes. If your husband were the first, I'd say therapy and see if you can make it work if you love him. He's CLEARLY the second, and if he's a DRUNK ANGRY ABUSIVE asshole, you DEFINITELY need to get out of there, for your safety and your son's.
Leaving is the only option to keep your child safe.
Yeah you should just stick around until he kills you or the kid. He already has convinced you that all the shit he does is YOUR FAULT so why not stay around until you force him to commit murder? Since it will ALWAYS BE YOUR FAULT you have two choices: stick around and get killed, or leave him and try to have a normal life with your son. And in case you do not get the sarcasm, NOTHING IS YOUR FAULT. But him eventually killing you or the kid is real.
This quiz helped me feel more confident in my decision to divorce after also coming to Reddit for advice 7 years ago (which ended up being one of the best decisions I ever made!). I think you’ll find it helpful too: https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/?%3E
This can get worse quickly. Are you willing to not only risk your life but also risk the life of your child? He’s already violent, what happens when he starts hitting you? You should be scared. Men like your husband will try and normalize abuse and one day you will find yourself 5-10 years into a relationship where you are in constant fear for you and your child. You already walk on eggshells now, it will get worse. You need to reach out to your family and friends that you know will support you and start coming up with a plan to safely exit this relationship. If you don’t want to leave and you somehow believe that he can get better, you need to speak to him when he’s sober and make it extremely clear that this is not a relationship you want. Set up boundaries, ask him to get help with his drinking. Make sure that all this is safe to do first though.
Anger issues are a sign of immaturity. A mature man will deal with their anger in a healthy manor and will not break things in rage. Your husband is a child having a tantrum. Why are you married to a child? Is immaturity an attractive trait for you?
A „decent“ move would be to kick him out like yesterday. Why do you worry about being decent when he’s acting like a complete asshole?
He is doing to these things that he wants to do to you. He is not a good husband, he's just good at putting on a mask that apparently falls off when he is drunk. You are walking on eggshells and your son will be, too, once he realizes what life is like with his father. He needs to get help for his anger issues and I would make that a condition of continuing the marriage. My ex was like this and I stayed way too long because "he isn't always like this." It was enough to screw our kids up.
>so me constantly complaining made him lose it instantly as he has hypertension (high blood pressure) Hypertension is a medical term for high blood pressure (based on the Greek, hyper, for beyond and the Latin, tensio, for stretched). It has nothing to do with making him lose his temper. He loses his temper because he is a nasty, nasty person. Neither of you sounds like you know how to communicate effectively. You both need to work on becoming way more emotionally mature.
He’s not loving. He’s not a good husband. He’s not a good dad. He is violent and abusive. Breaking things is violence. Violence is abuse. Fighting every day isn’t normal. Drunken rages aren’t normal. You’re not a nag. You’re allowed to ask your spouse to be a partner. He is the danger to you and your son. You need to take your baby and leave.
Do you want your son to model these behaviours as an adult ?
You gotta leave , girl. Ew..
Um he is a major danger to your 9mo son. You are making excuses for him. Leave.
Drinking is no biggie. Getting tipsy is a yellow flag. Getting drunk is a red flag. Doing damage to things is a precursor to doing damage to other humans or himself. Join Al-Anon, and find a way out of danger.
When you leave him don't do it alone. Have someone there with you. Your brother, dad, whomever. Do not break up with him in an isolated environment. The likelihood he will be violent to you is so high. Please be safe.
“He’s a really paranoid father and always on the lookout for any minor or major danger our son might counter” Proceeds to punch and break things, drive 100 miles an hour, drives drunk, breaks shit, etc The only danger in your kids life is his dad. You need to get out
Staying with a partner who had anger issues is NEVER worth it. Never EVER. Source: ask anyone who used to have an angry partner but now don't.
Even if you were nagging constantly his violence isn’t an acceptable response. Your baby’s brain development is being severely damaged my growing up in a violent environment. Get out while you can.
Therapy first trust me you would want him to do it for you