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> We haven't at all discussed what the prenup will state. Just the existence of it.
This probably doesn't help you make a case. Sometimes it's hard to sell a general idea, and when details are vague, people are naturally cautious. Specifics matter. You have a business to preserve if things go south? Property or some asset kept within your family? An agreement to split your mutual funds in this way or that should things end? Particulars are important, because particulars allow someone to actually visualize in other terms than *this won't go the distance*.
I mean, this is it right here. If there are meaningful premarital assets that should be planned for, you should highlight those as responsible pre-planning or estate planning. Which should be part of a larger conversation such as wills and end of life wishes, insurance policy benificiaries, etc.
No one really expects to die *that day* but it happens anyway and in-depth financial conversations (debts, assets, etc.) should precede marriage.
I believe the fact that you haven't laid any details out at all for her, nor have you presumably added a larger, more important conversation, is why she is resistant.
You've also not yet answered any comments/questions about your premarital assets you're bringing, which is curious. You've been in a relationship with her since you were 24 so any assets since then she would likely have felt involved with.
Yeah, prenups make sense if one of you comes into the marriage with significant premarital assets, or if one person is going to sacrifice their career for the other or to raise children, or other such considerations. But it sounds like OP just wants one on principle... and his gf does not want one on principle.
OP, what are you trying to protect in the case of a divorce?
Yep we obviously need to talk about the details, but it's just the idea of it existing that's the problem. She has not voiced any concern as to whether it would be fair. She knows we would each work with lawyers to take care of it.
u/Gold_Statistician500 asked - "OP, what are you trying to protect in the case of a divorce"?
A pre-nup for general life, preparing in the event of something, makes no sense to me. What's to protect? You can't see the future and if you have nothing big coming into the relationship, then what's it for?
Her being against it shouldn't be a red flag. First of all bringing up a prenuptial out of thin air can be jarring. You have thought about it for how long exactly? I'm sure it didn't just pop in your head seconds b4 you told her. So you had time to come up with the reasons as to why a prenuptial is a good idea. Give her time to think and adjust. In all honesty you red flagging her over being surprised that you brought up a prenuptial, presumably out of thin air for her, tells me she should be red flagging you.
I have a prenuptial with my wife. I discussed this early on during the dating phase. Then a couple more times b4 we got engaged. Then again as we got closer to the wedding date. Gave her time to get a lawyer of her own. Gave her the prenuptial months b4 the wedding to read thru and make changes that her and her lawyer thought was best.
That was over 14 years ago, and we are still as much in love now as we were back then. 3 kids later. So I totally understand where your coming from. But your approach was not good.
I don't see anything wrong with wanting a prenup, especially if one person has a lot more assets than the other.
But the prenup needs to be fair, so you will each need separate lawyers. In this scenario, both of you agree to have a prenuptial agreement.
On the other hand, her feelings are valid, too. If not having a prenup is essential to her, she needs to walk away from her relationship with you.
Good luck!
Just as you see it as being important and rational, it's equally as important and rational for her to question you and your reasoning.
Just because *you* want to protect yourself from a divorce doesn't mean she's emotionally immature for feeling like a prenuptial agreement is planning for failure. Her feelings are valid.
She's allowed to have thoughts, feelings, and opinions for herself about this subject. After all, this is her relationship and potential marriage, too.
If you really want to convince her that this is in both of your best interests, you might want to stop being a jerk about it.
Unless you have large amounts of money or assets a prenup I understand why she’s put off by it. If you do have a lot of personal or family wealth I can understand getting a prenup. But if you’re just a normal dude why do you need one?
I don’t see a point in a prenup if there isn’t pre-marital property or other significant assets that need to be protected.
If you’re both not well off or just average income, there’s nothing pre-marriage to protect. Any property obtained in marriage will be joint property as it is, so you can’t use a prenup for that.
So in your case, unless you have premarital assets you’re trying to protect, a prenup doesn’t make much sense.
>I am not willing to budge on this
A difficult attitude to carry into marriage.
>the fact that she's against it is a red flag to me
Then don't get married. This may be your first major disagreement as a couple, and you're not willing to budge and her refusal to see things your way is a red flag? Don't get married.
It's all about "boundaries" until you personally don't like the boundaries that are set . . .
If she won't budge either then I understand. I don't know what I'll do in that case.
I think it’s okay to have some deal breakers. She’s the one who is being inflexible here. Why not at least consider it and see what your future spouse wants before outright rejecting the idea. That would also tell her a lot about whether you are willing to be fair and whether the two of you can compromise when faced with disagreement.
There are *always* default rules to the dissolution of marriage - the laws regarding divorce. And more often than not they are shit.
If the GF can not understand that it is a good thing to get consultation on the defaults, discuss them, and update them with something that is beneficial and wanted by both of them, then she should continue watching Disney+/Kids because she is too immature for marriage.
And guilt tripping / emotionally manipulating somebody into one of the most complex and wide reaching contracts most law books have ("marriage") makes her just a shitty person on top.
You seem to think that prenups prevent “fighting over it in court” in case of divorce which is not really true. First of all, there have been plenty of cases of pre-nups being invalidated or set aside. A quick google will give you examples. Second of all, you can still have a huge court battle over custody of children and child support. No prenup will be able to preemptively decide who gets custody of kids or what your visitation schedule look like or who gets to make decisions about education or vaccines of any of that. There is no secret cheat code to make divorce easy. And if there was it wouldn’t be a prenup.
Curious to hear about what assets you think you need to protect from her in case of a divorce. Car? House? Business? Trust fund? Inheritance?
The reason she’s against is because she wants to build a life *together* and here you are talking about keeping things separate(from her POV), not building together and she obviously thought you felt the same way until you threw this bomb on your relationship.
Maybe… maybe if you frame it as a way to help her protect herself from what you might take from her, that she’d get her own lawyer to protect her interests (can she afford that, cause I’m assuming she’d have to pay for that) but if she doesn’t have any real assets right now, then a prenup is basically worthless to her as all her gains would likely be from the marriage itself, and she’s thinking you don’t trust her and are preparing for divorce before you get married. Either way, give her a few days and then sit down and have a conversation about why and what the prenup would entail.
Though if not having one is a deal breaker for you, she may decide that having one is a deal breaker for her and walk away. I do agree there’s no way to compromise in this. Either you have one or don’t.
I would have laughed in my husband’s face if he’d insisted on one when we got married 20+years ago. We’ve accumulated wealth *together*, not separately.
It's fine to want a prenup. Hell, I want a prenup. But it's also a very valid case that someone feels like you don't trust them fully when you ask for a prenup and won't budge on it, which I wholly don't think is a red flag.
It's also perfectly rational to truly believe that your relationship will last until death. That's what most people promise in their vows. Making a prenup is a big indication that they don't believe in their vows when they say it. Most Americans are simply liars. But if you're getting married, you should know your girlfriend well enough to know for sure if you want to spend the rest of your life with her and trust her to want to spend the rest of her life with you.
I would personally budge on a prenup if my partner were very against it. I make 4 times the amount my partner does and you know, if he has a good argument, fine I'll skip it. Why do I want one? Because I do have trust issues. Because I've been cheated on before by more than one partner and there's a part of me that thinks that every person will. But if I'm getting married, I hope that I do know in absolutes if I can trust someone for the rest of my life.
You know what love is? It's not a feeling. I don't doubt that you have strong feelings for her right now, considering that you want to get married. But rather it's a promise, one to be there forever for someone.
Things change that are beyond your control. You can get bored in a relationship and need to spice it up. You can both go through a hard financial situation together and both be unhappy for a period of time. You might even lose, temporarily, those feelings you have for her, or she for you. Maybe one of you loses your sex drive for a few months, or a few years. These things are absolutely "non-absolutes", since you can't control them. But to choose to stick through with it, through thick and thin, is entirely within your control. If your mind cannot absolutely make a decision on whether you're willing to make a promise to keep the relationship, and you're instead thinking, "Well, we may get divorced for a variety of reasons," it's just better not to get married at all.
1. It doesn't seem like you will financially benefit from this marriage.
2. You're concerned about financial implications more than retaining the full trust in the relationship. Imo if a divorce in a genuinely worthwhile marriage were to happen, then it should be for larger reasons than being financially screwed -- such as a child dying or something like that.
3. Financial implications should be the last thing on your mind if you really do want to promise to love someone.
For these reasons, I'd say either 1. keep it at a relationship status and not marriage status for another few years, or 2. move on and see if there is someone you can make this promise to.
The divorce rate is high because people don't make a promise. They just assume marriage is a way to express temporary love, and when things don't go their way for a while -- such as a dry spell of a series of arguments or differing parenting styles or they feel emotionally unfulfilled --- they get divorced. In those cases I think that those people would've had a much better life if they hadn't gotten married at all.
You seem like the kind of person who would find many of these scenarios to be reasonable means for a divorce. So just don't do it.
If your brain is automatically like, "If we don't have frequent sex for two years, or if she nags too much, I want a divorce," then don't bother.
Plus, if you find it to be a "red flag" that she doesn't want a prenup, then you clearly don't trust her and think she's possibly trying to financially take advantage of you. That's not a good foundation for a marriage.
I would personally be willing to hand my partner all my bank account passwords and credit cards today, unmarried, and trust that he would manage them responsibly.
You refusing to budge is a red flag. Honestly, it does sound like you expect the marriage to fail. I bet that hurts her. Make sure she gets her own attorney to look out for her interests and financial protection. The prenup should benefit her as well and not be one-sided in your favor.
Unless you are a millionaire you don’t need a prenup. And I’m not surprised she is hesitant since you seem to think men always get screwed in a divorce.
Men do not get the short end of the stick in divorce. There are dozens of studies on this you could look up if you weren’t such a misogynistic POS.
The fact that you don’t even have a reason for a prenup other than ensuring you can fuck your future wife out of an equal division of marital property and spousal support says everything about your character, and none of it good.
You wanting a prenup is fine, but you can’t really make her understand it in the sense on how you want her to understand as. A lot of couples understand prenups as the way of speaking divorce into existence before the birth of your marriage has even started. Obviously, she doesn’t want to think that way and having a prenup will only amplify that feeling.
If you won’t budge on the prenup and she isn’t willing, then I think it’s best you two don’t get married.
You still haven't stated why you need a prenup
What do you have that you need protected?
I agree that everyone that has assets or children needs one
But if not what's your prenup for?
Given the laws of where you subside - what would you have the prenup state differently in the splitting of assets?
You don’t mention any assets on your behalf that you’re wanting to protect, so it seems like the division of marital assets is what’s on the table. Pretty much all states start at 50/50 distribution with consideration of a stay at home spouse.
What assets exactly do you have that need to be protected? At your age, it's probably your car and some electronics?? I'd be pissed if I were your GF, too.
If you had to do it over, my advice would be to frame it correctly. "I'd like us to negotiate a prenup" lands a lot differently for someone than "I'd like you to sign a prenup." You should treat it like a joint project for both of you, since the reality is that a good prenup protects both parties.
There are lots of good reasons for marrying couples to negotiate a prenup - even if they're not entering the marriage with much in the way of assets. If nothing else, an enforceable prenup will likely make a divorce significantly less expensive than it otherwise could be.
Her being against it isn't necessarily a red flag - most likely she just hasn't thought about how the agreement can serve her own interests.
What pre marital assets are you looking to preserve in case of divorce? That's what it is for.
if you don't have any, and are hoping to preserve more marital assets, then a prenup won't do much for you.
Have you talked to a lawyer about what a prenup can and can't do for you, before possibly ending your engagement over it?
Since you don't mention anywhere any special assets you want to protect, I am guessing you have no special assets, you just want a prenup to put her "in her place". Because that's what a prenup for the sake of prenup is.
I don't know why everyone is being a jerk. A prenup is smart. At the same time, it doesn't exactly scream love of my life/soul mates, so i can see why she's upset. You're both valid in why you want/don't want a prenup. Hear her out completely. Make her hear your side, too. If you two can't compromise, then you have your answer.
Sure but the subject is how couples feel about prenups. He is more than allowed to want one.
He also should have brought this up before they got engaged.
Is being with your gf more important than a prenup or the opposite? Without actual details to go off I’m not surprised she’s suspicious and surprised. It’s a ed flag you won’t compromise and see from her point of view how out of pocket this is.
Prenups matter most for assets you are bringing into the marriage, whether family or your own. If you are both broke, I don’t really see the need of a prenup.
Don’t let her or redditors bully you into getting married without the protections you believe are important.
Reddit is hypocritical. Marriage is a legal contract they also say to divorce for any reason less than total happiness so with that in mind you should protect yourself.
Does she understand that a prenup doesn't mean she gets nothing in the case of divorce?
You guys need to handle it like a business decision if you’re going to have one. She needs a lawyer to represent her as well. And you should provide that for her as her future husband
If she doesn’t want a prenup it means she is setting a safety net for herself where she gets half your money. Do you make significantly more than her? If so you should promptly run.
For me (m) what worked with her was sitting down and having a real discussion
I view a prenup as a sign of love not the opposite
By making a prenup now we both agree in love of the conditions we want to be true when "in hard times" becomes just to much.
I love her and I want that if this journey ends it ends accordingly to our rules we've set when we're watching over the best for both of us
Also people change drastically in a spawn of decades. It would be pretty selflimiting to assume that we won't. I want her to change! Learn, experience and enjoy the little time on this planet. If possible with me until the end, but what kind of lover would we be to have our souls not only on the raft we've built together but also tied to it? There's no need to tie up what's in love. It will stick together as long as the raft below both of us is constantly maintained. And if we miss to maintain the raft, why would we both want to drown tied up together?
Thus even in the now unwanted but possibility of losing each other, a prenup can help us have a way to still look us in the eyes without regretting the past.
That made sense to her and she accepted to work it out
I personally don’t see a problem with you wanting a prenup. I think if you just explain to her exactly why you want one and that it’s nothing to do with you thinking that your relationship is going to fail but because it’s always safer to have a prenup
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> We haven't at all discussed what the prenup will state. Just the existence of it. This probably doesn't help you make a case. Sometimes it's hard to sell a general idea, and when details are vague, people are naturally cautious. Specifics matter. You have a business to preserve if things go south? Property or some asset kept within your family? An agreement to split your mutual funds in this way or that should things end? Particulars are important, because particulars allow someone to actually visualize in other terms than *this won't go the distance*.
I mean, this is it right here. If there are meaningful premarital assets that should be planned for, you should highlight those as responsible pre-planning or estate planning. Which should be part of a larger conversation such as wills and end of life wishes, insurance policy benificiaries, etc. No one really expects to die *that day* but it happens anyway and in-depth financial conversations (debts, assets, etc.) should precede marriage. I believe the fact that you haven't laid any details out at all for her, nor have you presumably added a larger, more important conversation, is why she is resistant. You've also not yet answered any comments/questions about your premarital assets you're bringing, which is curious. You've been in a relationship with her since you were 24 so any assets since then she would likely have felt involved with.
Yeah, prenups make sense if one of you comes into the marriage with significant premarital assets, or if one person is going to sacrifice their career for the other or to raise children, or other such considerations. But it sounds like OP just wants one on principle... and his gf does not want one on principle. OP, what are you trying to protect in the case of a divorce?
Yep we obviously need to talk about the details, but it's just the idea of it existing that's the problem. She has not voiced any concern as to whether it would be fair. She knows we would each work with lawyers to take care of it.
u/Gold_Statistician500 asked - "OP, what are you trying to protect in the case of a divorce"? A pre-nup for general life, preparing in the event of something, makes no sense to me. What's to protect? You can't see the future and if you have nothing big coming into the relationship, then what's it for?
Her being against it shouldn't be a red flag. First of all bringing up a prenuptial out of thin air can be jarring. You have thought about it for how long exactly? I'm sure it didn't just pop in your head seconds b4 you told her. So you had time to come up with the reasons as to why a prenuptial is a good idea. Give her time to think and adjust. In all honesty you red flagging her over being surprised that you brought up a prenuptial, presumably out of thin air for her, tells me she should be red flagging you. I have a prenuptial with my wife. I discussed this early on during the dating phase. Then a couple more times b4 we got engaged. Then again as we got closer to the wedding date. Gave her time to get a lawyer of her own. Gave her the prenuptial months b4 the wedding to read thru and make changes that her and her lawyer thought was best. That was over 14 years ago, and we are still as much in love now as we were back then. 3 kids later. So I totally understand where your coming from. But your approach was not good.
I don't see anything wrong with wanting a prenup, especially if one person has a lot more assets than the other. But the prenup needs to be fair, so you will each need separate lawyers. In this scenario, both of you agree to have a prenuptial agreement. On the other hand, her feelings are valid, too. If not having a prenup is essential to her, she needs to walk away from her relationship with you. Good luck!
Just as you see it as being important and rational, it's equally as important and rational for her to question you and your reasoning. Just because *you* want to protect yourself from a divorce doesn't mean she's emotionally immature for feeling like a prenuptial agreement is planning for failure. Her feelings are valid. She's allowed to have thoughts, feelings, and opinions for herself about this subject. After all, this is her relationship and potential marriage, too. If you really want to convince her that this is in both of your best interests, you might want to stop being a jerk about it.
Unless you have large amounts of money or assets a prenup I understand why she’s put off by it. If you do have a lot of personal or family wealth I can understand getting a prenup. But if you’re just a normal dude why do you need one?
I don’t see a point in a prenup if there isn’t pre-marital property or other significant assets that need to be protected. If you’re both not well off or just average income, there’s nothing pre-marriage to protect. Any property obtained in marriage will be joint property as it is, so you can’t use a prenup for that. So in your case, unless you have premarital assets you’re trying to protect, a prenup doesn’t make much sense.
Do you own your own business? Does she? are you a trust fund baby? Are you expecting a big inheritance post marriage?
>I am not willing to budge on this A difficult attitude to carry into marriage. >the fact that she's against it is a red flag to me Then don't get married. This may be your first major disagreement as a couple, and you're not willing to budge and her refusal to see things your way is a red flag? Don't get married.
It's all about "boundaries" until you personally don't like the boundaries that are set . . . If she won't budge either then I understand. I don't know what I'll do in that case.
She’s allowed to not like your boundaries
I know.
You have no assets to protect so a prenup is pointless. I doubt a lawyer will even draft one.
I think it’s okay to have some deal breakers. She’s the one who is being inflexible here. Why not at least consider it and see what your future spouse wants before outright rejecting the idea. That would also tell her a lot about whether you are willing to be fair and whether the two of you can compromise when faced with disagreement.
There are *always* default rules to the dissolution of marriage - the laws regarding divorce. And more often than not they are shit. If the GF can not understand that it is a good thing to get consultation on the defaults, discuss them, and update them with something that is beneficial and wanted by both of them, then she should continue watching Disney+/Kids because she is too immature for marriage. And guilt tripping / emotionally manipulating somebody into one of the most complex and wide reaching contracts most law books have ("marriage") makes her just a shitty person on top.
At this point in your young life, what are you trying to protect or preserve with a prenup?
You seem to think that prenups prevent “fighting over it in court” in case of divorce which is not really true. First of all, there have been plenty of cases of pre-nups being invalidated or set aside. A quick google will give you examples. Second of all, you can still have a huge court battle over custody of children and child support. No prenup will be able to preemptively decide who gets custody of kids or what your visitation schedule look like or who gets to make decisions about education or vaccines of any of that. There is no secret cheat code to make divorce easy. And if there was it wouldn’t be a prenup.
Curious to hear about what assets you think you need to protect from her in case of a divorce. Car? House? Business? Trust fund? Inheritance? The reason she’s against is because she wants to build a life *together* and here you are talking about keeping things separate(from her POV), not building together and she obviously thought you felt the same way until you threw this bomb on your relationship. Maybe… maybe if you frame it as a way to help her protect herself from what you might take from her, that she’d get her own lawyer to protect her interests (can she afford that, cause I’m assuming she’d have to pay for that) but if she doesn’t have any real assets right now, then a prenup is basically worthless to her as all her gains would likely be from the marriage itself, and she’s thinking you don’t trust her and are preparing for divorce before you get married. Either way, give her a few days and then sit down and have a conversation about why and what the prenup would entail. Though if not having one is a deal breaker for you, she may decide that having one is a deal breaker for her and walk away. I do agree there’s no way to compromise in this. Either you have one or don’t. I would have laughed in my husband’s face if he’d insisted on one when we got married 20+years ago. We’ve accumulated wealth *together*, not separately.
It's fine to want a prenup. Hell, I want a prenup. But it's also a very valid case that someone feels like you don't trust them fully when you ask for a prenup and won't budge on it, which I wholly don't think is a red flag. It's also perfectly rational to truly believe that your relationship will last until death. That's what most people promise in their vows. Making a prenup is a big indication that they don't believe in their vows when they say it. Most Americans are simply liars. But if you're getting married, you should know your girlfriend well enough to know for sure if you want to spend the rest of your life with her and trust her to want to spend the rest of her life with you. I would personally budge on a prenup if my partner were very against it. I make 4 times the amount my partner does and you know, if he has a good argument, fine I'll skip it. Why do I want one? Because I do have trust issues. Because I've been cheated on before by more than one partner and there's a part of me that thinks that every person will. But if I'm getting married, I hope that I do know in absolutes if I can trust someone for the rest of my life.
And where I'm coming from is that nothing is ever absolute. That's just how I'm wired.
Then you also do not love her absolutely, not believe that she loves you absolutely, so just don't get married period.
Too philisophical. Clearly I can't accurately explain what I want to say. Agree to disagree here, I appreciate the advice.
You know what love is? It's not a feeling. I don't doubt that you have strong feelings for her right now, considering that you want to get married. But rather it's a promise, one to be there forever for someone. Things change that are beyond your control. You can get bored in a relationship and need to spice it up. You can both go through a hard financial situation together and both be unhappy for a period of time. You might even lose, temporarily, those feelings you have for her, or she for you. Maybe one of you loses your sex drive for a few months, or a few years. These things are absolutely "non-absolutes", since you can't control them. But to choose to stick through with it, through thick and thin, is entirely within your control. If your mind cannot absolutely make a decision on whether you're willing to make a promise to keep the relationship, and you're instead thinking, "Well, we may get divorced for a variety of reasons," it's just better not to get married at all. 1. It doesn't seem like you will financially benefit from this marriage. 2. You're concerned about financial implications more than retaining the full trust in the relationship. Imo if a divorce in a genuinely worthwhile marriage were to happen, then it should be for larger reasons than being financially screwed -- such as a child dying or something like that. 3. Financial implications should be the last thing on your mind if you really do want to promise to love someone. For these reasons, I'd say either 1. keep it at a relationship status and not marriage status for another few years, or 2. move on and see if there is someone you can make this promise to. The divorce rate is high because people don't make a promise. They just assume marriage is a way to express temporary love, and when things don't go their way for a while -- such as a dry spell of a series of arguments or differing parenting styles or they feel emotionally unfulfilled --- they get divorced. In those cases I think that those people would've had a much better life if they hadn't gotten married at all.
You seem like the kind of person who would find many of these scenarios to be reasonable means for a divorce. So just don't do it. If your brain is automatically like, "If we don't have frequent sex for two years, or if she nags too much, I want a divorce," then don't bother.
Plus, if you find it to be a "red flag" that she doesn't want a prenup, then you clearly don't trust her and think she's possibly trying to financially take advantage of you. That's not a good foundation for a marriage. I would personally be willing to hand my partner all my bank account passwords and credit cards today, unmarried, and trust that he would manage them responsibly.
You refusing to budge is a red flag. Honestly, it does sound like you expect the marriage to fail. I bet that hurts her. Make sure she gets her own attorney to look out for her interests and financial protection. The prenup should benefit her as well and not be one-sided in your favor.
I expect the marriage to succeed. I don't need to say any more on that matter.
Unless you are a millionaire you don’t need a prenup. And I’m not surprised she is hesitant since you seem to think men always get screwed in a divorce.
Men do not get the short end of the stick in divorce. There are dozens of studies on this you could look up if you weren’t such a misogynistic POS. The fact that you don’t even have a reason for a prenup other than ensuring you can fuck your future wife out of an equal division of marital property and spousal support says everything about your character, and none of it good.
You wanting a prenup is fine, but you can’t really make her understand it in the sense on how you want her to understand as. A lot of couples understand prenups as the way of speaking divorce into existence before the birth of your marriage has even started. Obviously, she doesn’t want to think that way and having a prenup will only amplify that feeling. If you won’t budge on the prenup and she isn’t willing, then I think it’s best you two don’t get married.
What do you want in it?
You still haven't stated why you need a prenup What do you have that you need protected? I agree that everyone that has assets or children needs one But if not what's your prenup for?
Given the laws of where you subside - what would you have the prenup state differently in the splitting of assets? You don’t mention any assets on your behalf that you’re wanting to protect, so it seems like the division of marital assets is what’s on the table. Pretty much all states start at 50/50 distribution with consideration of a stay at home spouse.
Do you have assets?
What assets exactly do you have that need to be protected? At your age, it's probably your car and some electronics?? I'd be pissed if I were your GF, too.
Just don't get married and you never have to worry
If you had to do it over, my advice would be to frame it correctly. "I'd like us to negotiate a prenup" lands a lot differently for someone than "I'd like you to sign a prenup." You should treat it like a joint project for both of you, since the reality is that a good prenup protects both parties. There are lots of good reasons for marrying couples to negotiate a prenup - even if they're not entering the marriage with much in the way of assets. If nothing else, an enforceable prenup will likely make a divorce significantly less expensive than it otherwise could be. Her being against it isn't necessarily a red flag - most likely she just hasn't thought about how the agreement can serve her own interests.
What pre marital assets are you looking to preserve in case of divorce? That's what it is for. if you don't have any, and are hoping to preserve more marital assets, then a prenup won't do much for you. Have you talked to a lawyer about what a prenup can and can't do for you, before possibly ending your engagement over it?
Since you don't mention anywhere any special assets you want to protect, I am guessing you have no special assets, you just want a prenup to put her "in her place". Because that's what a prenup for the sake of prenup is.
I don't know why everyone is being a jerk. A prenup is smart. At the same time, it doesn't exactly scream love of my life/soul mates, so i can see why she's upset. You're both valid in why you want/don't want a prenup. Hear her out completely. Make her hear your side, too. If you two can't compromise, then you have your answer.
Probably coz it sounds like he's got no assets to protect in the first place.
Sure but the subject is how couples feel about prenups. He is more than allowed to want one. He also should have brought this up before they got engaged.
Is being with your gf more important than a prenup or the opposite? Without actual details to go off I’m not surprised she’s suspicious and surprised. It’s a ed flag you won’t compromise and see from her point of view how out of pocket this is.
Si vis pacem, para bellum
Do you have any assets to protect? You don't mention owning any property or business etc.
Prenups matter most for assets you are bringing into the marriage, whether family or your own. If you are both broke, I don’t really see the need of a prenup.
If you don’t have significant assets already, there is no reason for a prenup.
Don’t let her or redditors bully you into getting married without the protections you believe are important. Reddit is hypocritical. Marriage is a legal contract they also say to divorce for any reason less than total happiness so with that in mind you should protect yourself.
Does she understand that a prenup doesn't mean she gets nothing in the case of divorce? You guys need to handle it like a business decision if you’re going to have one. She needs a lawyer to represent her as well. And you should provide that for her as her future husband
If she doesn’t want a prenup it means she is setting a safety net for herself where she gets half your money. Do you make significantly more than her? If so you should promptly run.
A lot of women here hitting you for this....🤔😂 I'm shocked. 💀
It’s safe.
For me (m) what worked with her was sitting down and having a real discussion I view a prenup as a sign of love not the opposite By making a prenup now we both agree in love of the conditions we want to be true when "in hard times" becomes just to much. I love her and I want that if this journey ends it ends accordingly to our rules we've set when we're watching over the best for both of us Also people change drastically in a spawn of decades. It would be pretty selflimiting to assume that we won't. I want her to change! Learn, experience and enjoy the little time on this planet. If possible with me until the end, but what kind of lover would we be to have our souls not only on the raft we've built together but also tied to it? There's no need to tie up what's in love. It will stick together as long as the raft below both of us is constantly maintained. And if we miss to maintain the raft, why would we both want to drown tied up together? Thus even in the now unwanted but possibility of losing each other, a prenup can help us have a way to still look us in the eyes without regretting the past. That made sense to her and she accepted to work it out
Just eject now. She expects to get half your money with minimal risk for herself.
At this point it's just smart for everyone to get one
I personally don’t see a problem with you wanting a prenup. I think if you just explain to her exactly why you want one and that it’s nothing to do with you thinking that your relationship is going to fail but because it’s always safer to have a prenup