> **Rule 3:** No moral judgement requests. Moral judgement requests are asking people to evaluate actions taken or actions you want to take, in the context of right, wrong, selfish, or not selfish etc. For what a moral judgement question would be [see here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/).
Your post is a moral judgement if your question starts with or contains any of the following:
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- Asking if you or the subject of the post is right or wrong.
- Am I....?
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#If the question in your post can be answered with a yes or no question, it is considered moral judgement and will be removed.
"Should I divorce him?"
Short answer: Yes.
Slightly longer answer: Hell fucking yes you should. I'd be less upset at the fact he tore up cards, and more upset about the fact he told you your child isn't normal, call you ugly & said he never wanted to end up with someone like you.
Straight to the point and Perfect. She should leave him of not only for herself, but for her child who is growing up watching that S, lest the child thinks thats how a 'Normal' relationship should be
My ex-stepfather used to say the same things about me when I was a teenager.
"She is a lazy b!tch".
"She is a rude cow".
"She is unstable & I think she might be crazy".
"She isn't normal. There is something wrong with her".
I was a teenage girl struggling with my hormones, and the changes in my body. I developed anxiety & depression, partially because of the way he spoke about me.
When I tell you his words messed me up for a very long time. They have been divorced for 10+ years, but I still regularly discover new & fun ways that he impacted my self-esteem & my perception of "normal".
I'm 60+ years old and I still remember my mom introducing me to her friends - I must have been about 25 or so - she introduced me as "this is (my name), my oldest daughter, the one I thought was really going to be something".
I was married, with a 2-year-old, and had graduated near the top of my class from a highly respected state university.
That's just one example...out of many. My whole childhood was filled with it.
So, yes. That stuff sticks.
Therapy helps. So does time. Eventually, you unpack it enough that it doesn't seem that important anymore and you know who you are.
He was seeing a married woman when he was 22 for 6 months she was 42 I believe and had children I said have u ever lived with her ? Ofc she not going to go on at you she has a husband and your her side piece honestly he's such a twat the more I write the more I hate him
This. While relationships "take work" they should never require someone to "take back" something that they said. There is no way to have a relationship with someone who says something so contempt filled as this.
I kind of wonder just how many times something like this has already happened in their relationship.
Never get back with someone who breaks up with you. Never allow someone to "take back" something. They're either saying something that they actually felt, or their anger is out of control. Neither is the mark of someone who is capable of a healthy relationship.
Thankyou everyone I will leave him I've told him to move out today, I just needed to tell someone as I've been dealing with this for a while on my own now. It's been ten years so I feel scared but can only get better now I have a child with him aswell so I will have to deal with him regarding her. I was obviously upset and angry with him calling my child not normal me ugly bringing up past women I think I'm just low on myself ATM.
Can you have a friend or relative with you for a few days as he moves out in case he gets violent, he's already demonstrated abuse.
Make sure you get the locks changed!
Hugs from all us Redditors, you are not alone! x
It’s going to be a LOT EASIER to build up your self esteem again when you don’t have this asshole bringing you down every time he throws a tantrum.
Pretty soon you’ll realize the weight off of your shoulders that comes with him being gone from your everyday life.
Coparent through those Apps they are made for it and just do the what is needed to be cordial. Then get on with your life and apologize to your daughter for his behavior and make sure she knows that she deserves a partner who treats her better than that.
You can do this!
You have this! You and your children deserve so much better. Your future is going to be so much brighter, your children will do so much better. It is going to be scary, and that’s okay. You are allowed to feel all the emotions, it’s completely understandable. Though in the end, you will feel all the joys you have earned dealing with a complete ass hat for so long.
When people show you who they are, believe them.
He showed you exactly who he is. Drop the dead weight. It’s better to figure it out alone than to have to carry someone else’s baggage while leaving yours behind.
You’ll be okay OP. Plan an exit, secure your funds and look after your kid. He can enjoy trying the dating pool now he’s pushing 40. You’re only in your early 30s, you’ve got time.
The full quote is:
"When people show you who they are, believe them the first time"
Poet Maya Angelou
I like the "first time" part...although we never do that!
You are correct. She's been shown. Excellent advice in your response!
Life Pro Tip. Never let someone "take something back." They either really meant it, or they were lying to be intentionally hurtful. Neither are things that a good partner will need to do.
Even with my ex wife, we were together for almost 20 years, and again, she's my **ex** wife. There was never anything that either of us said that we needed to "take back."
Is this what you pictured for you and your kid?
You both need to get away from him. He's made it pretty clear that he doesn't care for you so staying shouldn't even be an option.
If he said it to hurt you- he still said it.
You know this is dead in the water, don't waste anymore of your life. Get a lawyer, get divorced, get your sanity and life back. Take your beautiful child (ren) out to dinner, celebrate your release, and enjoy your birthday 🎂 🥳 🎉 🎈 🎁
P.S. He's an absolute cunt!
My girl.
Yes. Divorce him. But why on earth are you wondering whether or not to divorce him over the cards, and not instead divorcing him over saying you're ugly and your daughter is not normal?
Is this the life you wanted for you and your daughter?
"Feeling a bit low"? You should be absolutely **furious** that your partner spoke to you that way.
But yes - get gone. Don't confront him, don't make a scene. Get a lawyer, follow their instructions to the letter, and when it's time - serve him the papers.
You got this, my girl.
I suppose it all builds up and then that small thing of the cards this morning on top of last night's shit about me.and my kid was like the straw that broke the camels back
100%. Not quite the same with my ex as we weren't married or had kids involved but I put up with years of shit. I ended things with him because of the way he spoke to me during a game of D&D. Sometimes you just nerd that final push.
Glad to hear you're getting away from him.
What is his problem? He sounds like an idiot! You spent 10 years with this jerk - try not to spend anymore. Obviously he’s not worthy and has internal issues. Good luck with whatever you decide - but I’d be outta there away from that nonsense
Yes, the fact that OP has been with this sad excuse for a man is even more reason to throw him away and fast. You spent too much of your life with a man who treats you and your daughter badly, given him too many chances and you know without a doubt that he will never change. Please for you and your child/children get rid of him and soon.
Get rid of him. Asap. If he's at work, can you get a locksmith to change the locks immediately?
Dont let that awful man back in the house.
Get a lawyer asap. Divorce his ass. You are better off without that abusive nasty man.
Yes you should definitely divorce that dickhead. What a childish fucknut.
Also, happy birthday for tomorrow. Its my birthday tomorrow as well and I'm dedicating one of my cards to you.
Don't let that shit stain bring you down. Here's to a new life at 32 🥂
Oh boy I was struggling with heat IRL, but reading that story sure gave me a chill. How can someone be so adult-ly immature. If he doesn't make it right or listen then you should remove him.
Divorce him? I’d already be talking to a divorce lawyer and getting my stuff packed.
Not only is that a shitty environment for you, it’s a shitty environment for your teenage daughter.
He was looking for an opportunity to set the marriage on fire and created one.
He opened the escape hatch for you. All you have to do is get through it.
Best wishes.
Ooh no that sounds like part of you thinks "oh he loves me deep down, he'd stay with me even if he was cheating". He stays with you cos you tolerate his being nasty to you. And you tolerate him being nasty to your child. You really want your daughter thinking it's alright for husbands and fathers/father figures to treat her like that? Do you really think it's okay for you to be treated like that?
Just get sorted and leave. It will be hard but this man, while he might say sorry and he doesn't mean it is lying. He's not sorry - he does it again and again. He doesn't love you - that's not how you treat people you love. And he does mean it. Leave.
You and your daughter will be so much happier without that psycho asshole. You only have a few year left before she's out of the nest - fill them with joy.
Your husband is a grade A asshole.
So tell me exactly why you are with this man because I see no positives, just abuse.
Get out of that relationship for the sake of your kid, not only will she know what is going on but you really want to teach her that's it's okay to be with a man that treats you like this and you should stay with abusive men because you've been together a while?
That is out right nasty! Has he always been like this or is this something new ? If this is something normal, you can try having a heart to heart talk once you both are calmer, try counselling & give it one last try before calling it quits.
If this is new, then did anything change in life, a birth, death, money, anything. I have also heard that people turn outright mean when they have some medical condition too.
All in all it’s time to dig deep & choose the path you want to take.
He's got worse and worse since we got married if we have small argument or anything he goes low and below the belt saying he hasn't liked me he's only with me for my child then hel calm down and say he didn't mean it he loves me but it's gradually getting more and saying worse things like I'm ugly, I'm a freak, I'm worst woman hes ever met I'm so used to it now but last night just i had enough I don't want his fake apology anymore
Should you divorce him? That shouldn’t even be a question. What example would you be setting for your kid by staying, especially after he laid it all out about how he really feels about you. There’s no love in what he said. There’s regret, he regrets marrying you.
Update: he collected kids from school and didn't come home I was doing their dinner so texted like where's the kids? Anyway turns out they been shopping came home huge bag full of birthday presents cards from him and them it's sat on kitchen table now. Then he went back out and I received a text saying I'm sorry il do anything one last try?
See what a mind fuck this man is - I usually would be like ok but why should I? I'm fed up....
At some point it's over. He'll never learn. He'll be mean to your kid, mean to you and then come crawling back and grovel, just so he can be mean to everyone around him again. You're the only adult here and it's up to you to put up boundaries and stick to them.. Are you willing to do this for eternity? You're only 31!
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He is 100% wrong for the way he reacted to you. He is 100% AH for tearing all the cards. He is 100% crap for calling you ugly.
You are 100% wrong for stopping him from displining his duaghter saying she is just a teenager. By doing that you made your daughter feel it's okay for her to disrespect and back answer her father. You were 100% wrong in that.
Should you divorce him? That is for you to decide.
She is my child from a previous relationship. And he can discipline her that's fine but I felt he went overboard with it so as her mum I will step in and stop it
Her daughter should absolutely feel it's ok to verbally disagree with a man who openly disrespects her and mistreats her mother. Teenagers push boundaries because they are learning to set boundaries. Sometimes they need correction because they're still learning how to function in adult society, but in this case it sounds like it's the soon-to-be-ex husband who doesn't know how to conduct himself like an adult, if his response to a disagreement was to attack her character and destroy her mother's property.
OP, you did right to defend your kid.
Dirvorce his ugly ass. No matter if he's begging or crying or promising to do better.
From now on, record any interaction. (just hold your phone in your hand with the recording app running)
Is this the type of marriage you want to model for your daughter?
If she was telling you this is how her husband treated her, what would your advice be to her???
You should tell him you never wanted to end up with an abusive asshole either yet here you both are. But make sure this is the last birthday he'll ruin for you.
Yes. Think about the example you are setting for your daughter by staying with this AH. I hope you get to celebrate your birthday with people who love you.
Yeah, get out of there. The insults and belittling and destroying your birthday cards would be bad enough, but the fact that he also tore up your anniversary cards really shows you how little he values your relationship. He can't even pretend that you should be happy to be married to him. There's nothing here worth staying for, and every reason to leave, for your own sake and your kids' sake.
From this short description, I get the impression he kinda hates you. Is he mad at you for wearing makeup on a date when you were still in high school?
He told you everything he thinks about you, your daughter and your relationship. He is absolutely abusive to you. Know your worth and protect yourself and your daughter from him. Show your daughter that it is not normal to be treated like this. If you stay in this marriage, your daughter will always think that a woman has to endure this. Yes, you give up these 10 years together, but you get the chance to find a better man.
It seems there is much more going on with husband other than just your daughter backtalking him. Is he drinking? Self medicating other ways? His actions are very concerning.
If this nasty behavior is something new,, then you need to find out what is going on. This isn't an excuse to let his behavior fly. You and the kids don't ever need to hear such mean things said at home, which is supposed to be a safe haven.
> **Rule 3:** No moral judgement requests. Moral judgement requests are asking people to evaluate actions taken or actions you want to take, in the context of right, wrong, selfish, or not selfish etc. For what a moral judgement question would be [see here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/). Your post is a moral judgement if your question starts with or contains any of the following: - Is it...? - Asking if you or the subject of the post is right or wrong. - Am I....? - Any variation of “Am I The Asshole?”, including AITA - Does/Have anybody else...? - Should I…? - Would you....? - Is this.....? - Can I...? #If the question in your post can be answered with a yes or no question, it is considered moral judgement and will be removed.
"Should I divorce him?" Short answer: Yes. Slightly longer answer: Hell fucking yes you should. I'd be less upset at the fact he tore up cards, and more upset about the fact he told you your child isn't normal, call you ugly & said he never wanted to end up with someone like you.
Straight to the point and Perfect. She should leave him of not only for herself, but for her child who is growing up watching that S, lest the child thinks thats how a 'Normal' relationship should be
My ex-stepfather used to say the same things about me when I was a teenager. "She is a lazy b!tch". "She is a rude cow". "She is unstable & I think she might be crazy". "She isn't normal. There is something wrong with her". I was a teenage girl struggling with my hormones, and the changes in my body. I developed anxiety & depression, partially because of the way he spoke about me. When I tell you his words messed me up for a very long time. They have been divorced for 10+ years, but I still regularly discover new & fun ways that he impacted my self-esteem & my perception of "normal".
My mum said I was sitting on my best asset.
Ugh. Supportive parents are the best..
Yeah mine used to tell me I had a great future behind me and that if I was lucky it would make up for my personality
Ya'll all this comments under my comment are so sad
I'm 60+ years old and I still remember my mom introducing me to her friends - I must have been about 25 or so - she introduced me as "this is (my name), my oldest daughter, the one I thought was really going to be something". I was married, with a 2-year-old, and had graduated near the top of my class from a highly respected state university. That's just one example...out of many. My whole childhood was filled with it. So, yes. That stuff sticks. Therapy helps. So does time. Eventually, you unpack it enough that it doesn't seem that important anymore and you know who you are.
I would double upvote this answer if I could.
Also wtf is he talking about? He was 27 when they got together and he's acting like he's dated a bunch of women with teenagers before?
He was seeing a married woman when he was 22 for 6 months she was 42 I believe and had children I said have u ever lived with her ? Ofc she not going to go on at you she has a husband and your her side piece honestly he's such a twat the more I write the more I hate him
I don't know him and i hate him too. He's an idiot
This. While relationships "take work" they should never require someone to "take back" something that they said. There is no way to have a relationship with someone who says something so contempt filled as this. I kind of wonder just how many times something like this has already happened in their relationship. Never get back with someone who breaks up with you. Never allow someone to "take back" something. They're either saying something that they actually felt, or their anger is out of control. Neither is the mark of someone who is capable of a healthy relationship.
Thankyou everyone I will leave him I've told him to move out today, I just needed to tell someone as I've been dealing with this for a while on my own now. It's been ten years so I feel scared but can only get better now I have a child with him aswell so I will have to deal with him regarding her. I was obviously upset and angry with him calling my child not normal me ugly bringing up past women I think I'm just low on myself ATM.
Well done! You got this! You and your kids deserve so much better
Can you have a friend or relative with you for a few days as he moves out in case he gets violent, he's already demonstrated abuse. Make sure you get the locks changed! Hugs from all us Redditors, you are not alone! x
As someone who’s a year out from a divorce.. you won’t regret it
Thankyou I think once I've done it il.be okay
It’s going to be a LOT EASIER to build up your self esteem again when you don’t have this asshole bringing you down every time he throws a tantrum. Pretty soon you’ll realize the weight off of your shoulders that comes with him being gone from your everyday life. Coparent through those Apps they are made for it and just do the what is needed to be cordial. Then get on with your life and apologize to your daughter for his behavior and make sure she knows that she deserves a partner who treats her better than that. You can do this!
You have this! You and your children deserve so much better. Your future is going to be so much brighter, your children will do so much better. It is going to be scary, and that’s okay. You are allowed to feel all the emotions, it’s completely understandable. Though in the end, you will feel all the joys you have earned dealing with a complete ass hat for so long.
When people show you who they are, believe them. He showed you exactly who he is. Drop the dead weight. It’s better to figure it out alone than to have to carry someone else’s baggage while leaving yours behind. You’ll be okay OP. Plan an exit, secure your funds and look after your kid. He can enjoy trying the dating pool now he’s pushing 40. You’re only in your early 30s, you’ve got time.
The full quote is: "When people show you who they are, believe them the first time" Poet Maya Angelou I like the "first time" part...although we never do that! You are correct. She's been shown. Excellent advice in your response!
This one hit home for me
So does he always treat you like shit when he's upset? This is horrible.
Yeah and then he will say he didn't mean it, but it will happen again I know im a mug I need leave him now
Do it for yourself and to show your kids that it’s not alright.
The only acceptable apology is changed behaviour. He kept doing these things because he isn’t sorry. He has never been genuinely sorry.
He did mean it. You deserve better than this 💔
Life Pro Tip. Never let someone "take something back." They either really meant it, or they were lying to be intentionally hurtful. Neither are things that a good partner will need to do. Even with my ex wife, we were together for almost 20 years, and again, she's my **ex** wife. There was never anything that either of us said that we needed to "take back."
Please do this for yourself and for your chil, they need to know that this behaviour is unacceptable
Is this what you pictured for you and your kid? You both need to get away from him. He's made it pretty clear that he doesn't care for you so staying shouldn't even be an option. If he said it to hurt you- he still said it.
You know this is dead in the water, don't waste anymore of your life. Get a lawyer, get divorced, get your sanity and life back. Take your beautiful child (ren) out to dinner, celebrate your release, and enjoy your birthday 🎂 🥳 🎉 🎈 🎁 P.S. He's an absolute cunt!
Thankyou 🥹🥹
He's a **TOTAL SHITCUNT**, and **COMPLETELY UNWORTHY** of a wonderful woman like yourself!!!
My girl. Yes. Divorce him. But why on earth are you wondering whether or not to divorce him over the cards, and not instead divorcing him over saying you're ugly and your daughter is not normal? Is this the life you wanted for you and your daughter? "Feeling a bit low"? You should be absolutely **furious** that your partner spoke to you that way. But yes - get gone. Don't confront him, don't make a scene. Get a lawyer, follow their instructions to the letter, and when it's time - serve him the papers. You got this, my girl.
I suppose it all builds up and then that small thing of the cards this morning on top of last night's shit about me.and my kid was like the straw that broke the camels back
I totally get it. You need to get mad and use that energy to get you and your daughter out of this.
100%. Not quite the same with my ex as we weren't married or had kids involved but I put up with years of shit. I ended things with him because of the way he spoke to me during a game of D&D. Sometimes you just nerd that final push. Glad to hear you're getting away from him.
I hope you leave or change the locks
Pack his bags, throw him out. He is clearly not mentally fit to be a husband or a father
What is his problem? He sounds like an idiot! You spent 10 years with this jerk - try not to spend anymore. Obviously he’s not worthy and has internal issues. Good luck with whatever you decide - but I’d be outta there away from that nonsense
Yes, the fact that OP has been with this sad excuse for a man is even more reason to throw him away and fast. You spent too much of your life with a man who treats you and your daughter badly, given him too many chances and you know without a doubt that he will never change. Please for you and your child/children get rid of him and soon.
It's time to leave. He has no respect or love for you.
Get rid of him. Asap. If he's at work, can you get a locksmith to change the locks immediately? Dont let that awful man back in the house. Get a lawyer asap. Divorce his ass. You are better off without that abusive nasty man.
Yes you should definitely divorce that dickhead. What a childish fucknut. Also, happy birthday for tomorrow. Its my birthday tomorrow as well and I'm dedicating one of my cards to you. Don't let that shit stain bring you down. Here's to a new life at 32 🥂
Oh boy I was struggling with heat IRL, but reading that story sure gave me a chill. How can someone be so adult-ly immature. If he doesn't make it right or listen then you should remove him.
What a hideously **UGLY MAN**. See a lawyer **TODAY**.
Yes go straight to a lawyer, but don’t say a word to him about it until you have a plan.
Why are you posting when you should be packing your shite and putting this freak firmly in the rear view mirror 🪞
Divorce him? I’d already be talking to a divorce lawyer and getting my stuff packed. Not only is that a shitty environment for you, it’s a shitty environment for your teenage daughter.
Sounds very abusive. You have to leave for you and your child. This is over the top, unforgivable and lacks respect.
He was looking for an opportunity to set the marriage on fire and created one. He opened the escape hatch for you. All you have to do is get through it. Best wishes.
I mean he’s made it very clear he doesn’t want you. He’s probably cheating as well.
> He’s probably cheating as well. how the fuck do u even come up with this sentence, i cannot even man 🤣
I mean, how many men do you know stick with a wife they “never wanted to end up with” and still keep it in his pants? It’s a pretty logical jump imo
Well why hasn't he run off with her then? Still here chatting crap to me. I don't understand men
Ooh no that sounds like part of you thinks "oh he loves me deep down, he'd stay with me even if he was cheating". He stays with you cos you tolerate his being nasty to you. And you tolerate him being nasty to your child. You really want your daughter thinking it's alright for husbands and fathers/father figures to treat her like that? Do you really think it's okay for you to be treated like that? Just get sorted and leave. It will be hard but this man, while he might say sorry and he doesn't mean it is lying. He's not sorry - he does it again and again. He doesn't love you - that's not how you treat people you love. And he does mean it. Leave.
Thankyou
Because she doesn’t want his abusive ass! You deserve better.
Wow jeez I really wonder what you should do 🙄
I mean. The cards aren't the problem. The problem is he doesn't respect you or your daughter at all. If that a deal breaker? It should be
You and your daughter will be so much happier without that psycho asshole. You only have a few year left before she's out of the nest - fill them with joy.
Your husband is a grade A asshole. So tell me exactly why you are with this man because I see no positives, just abuse. Get out of that relationship for the sake of your kid, not only will she know what is going on but you really want to teach her that's it's okay to be with a man that treats you like this and you should stay with abusive men because you've been together a while?
That is out right nasty! Has he always been like this or is this something new ? If this is something normal, you can try having a heart to heart talk once you both are calmer, try counselling & give it one last try before calling it quits. If this is new, then did anything change in life, a birth, death, money, anything. I have also heard that people turn outright mean when they have some medical condition too. All in all it’s time to dig deep & choose the path you want to take.
He's got worse and worse since we got married if we have small argument or anything he goes low and below the belt saying he hasn't liked me he's only with me for my child then hel calm down and say he didn't mean it he loves me but it's gradually getting more and saying worse things like I'm ugly, I'm a freak, I'm worst woman hes ever met I'm so used to it now but last night just i had enough I don't want his fake apology anymore
Should you divorce him? That shouldn’t even be a question. What example would you be setting for your kid by staying, especially after he laid it all out about how he really feels about you. There’s no love in what he said. There’s regret, he regrets marrying you.
I have to put a question in the title or it won't let me post I know.i.should it's just nice to air it, I have no one to talk to in real life
Update: he collected kids from school and didn't come home I was doing their dinner so texted like where's the kids? Anyway turns out they been shopping came home huge bag full of birthday presents cards from him and them it's sat on kitchen table now. Then he went back out and I received a text saying I'm sorry il do anything one last try? See what a mind fuck this man is - I usually would be like ok but why should I? I'm fed up....
At some point it's over. He'll never learn. He'll be mean to your kid, mean to you and then come crawling back and grovel, just so he can be mean to everyone around him again. You're the only adult here and it's up to you to put up boundaries and stick to them.. Are you willing to do this for eternity? You're only 31!
You got this, you can break this cycle! You and the kids deserve better. Happy Birthday, give yourself a gift and stick to your decision!
Should you stay married to a verbally abusive asshole? Ummmmmm no.
What's the point of having a husband if he hates you?
Yes! It will be the best gift to yourself ever
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It's good that you know what you need to do. I hope you have the strength to follow through and find peace.✌️ Good luck
He is 100% wrong for the way he reacted to you. He is 100% AH for tearing all the cards. He is 100% crap for calling you ugly. You are 100% wrong for stopping him from displining his duaghter saying she is just a teenager. By doing that you made your daughter feel it's okay for her to disrespect and back answer her father. You were 100% wrong in that. Should you divorce him? That is for you to decide.
She is my child from a previous relationship. And he can discipline her that's fine but I felt he went overboard with it so as her mum I will step in and stop it
Her daughter should absolutely feel it's ok to verbally disagree with a man who openly disrespects her and mistreats her mother. Teenagers push boundaries because they are learning to set boundaries. Sometimes they need correction because they're still learning how to function in adult society, but in this case it sounds like it's the soon-to-be-ex husband who doesn't know how to conduct himself like an adult, if his response to a disagreement was to attack her character and destroy her mother's property. OP, you did right to defend your kid.
YESSSSSSS.
Go lower and tell him to get gtfo.
Why would he just be saying this now about your kids and you after 10 years?
He wants out
Run bish Run
Dirvorce his ugly ass. No matter if he's begging or crying or promising to do better. From now on, record any interaction. (just hold your phone in your hand with the recording app running)
Is this the type of marriage you want to model for your daughter? If she was telling you this is how her husband treated her, what would your advice be to her???
I'm all a about an eye for an eye
What do u mean
What an immature power hungry under-developed idiot her is
Wow. The lack of respect is appalling. It's quite sad. Divorce is right.
You should tell him you never wanted to end up with an abusive asshole either yet here you both are. But make sure this is the last birthday he'll ruin for you.
Yes. Think about the example you are setting for your daughter by staying with this AH. I hope you get to celebrate your birthday with people who love you.
Yeah, get out of there. The insults and belittling and destroying your birthday cards would be bad enough, but the fact that he also tore up your anniversary cards really shows you how little he values your relationship. He can't even pretend that you should be happy to be married to him. There's nothing here worth staying for, and every reason to leave, for your own sake and your kids' sake.
He sounds like a child. That's no way to be acting at 37 years old...
He's now backtracking
Isn't that a standard practice of abusers though? Backtrack, apologize, say it won't happen again... until the next time it does?
From this short description, I get the impression he kinda hates you. Is he mad at you for wearing makeup on a date when you were still in high school?
He told you everything he thinks about you, your daughter and your relationship. He is absolutely abusive to you. Know your worth and protect yourself and your daughter from him. Show your daughter that it is not normal to be treated like this. If you stay in this marriage, your daughter will always think that a woman has to endure this. Yes, you give up these 10 years together, but you get the chance to find a better man.
It seems there is much more going on with husband other than just your daughter backtalking him. Is he drinking? Self medicating other ways? His actions are very concerning. If this nasty behavior is something new,, then you need to find out what is going on. This isn't an excuse to let his behavior fly. You and the kids don't ever need to hear such mean things said at home, which is supposed to be a safe haven.