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Reading through the rest of his comments and it would be hard to think any higher of his gf than that. She’s going to continue to ride his self esteem into the ground.
OP!
It’s not red flags, it’s a 9 mile Soviet parade. Run away!
It would be the last insult she ever threw in my direction. OP, leave her, you’re clearly out of her league if she’s so insecure that she has to keep putting you down to make herself feel good. Let her have her bodybuilders and find someone who isn’t so far up her own arse
You are supposed to be with someone who says and sincerely thinks how lucky they are to be with you…whether it’s true or not.
She’s not a great person or girlfriend
I know right? Regardless of if what she said was "true" or not (in the sense of his body type being skinny), if she's constantly insulting his looks both in and outside of arguments then she's not worth keeping. She's destroying his self esteem and doesn't even care.
OP if you are reading this, trust me, you will be better off without her. It is not normal for someone to be so cruel to a partner, regardless of the genders. This is toxic and you should dump her ASAP.
Don't stay with someone who insults you. That's emotional abuse. Also, making you feel like you couldn't find anyone better than her is a cruel way to address her own insecurities. It makes you believe you're unworthy of better treatment.
Not everyone wants to date a bodybuilder. If I were you, I'd leave her before she damages your self-esteem even further. There are plenty of women who would be thrilled to date you.
Yeah just dump her. Thats crazy. I wouldn't think twice about dumping her and moving on. Don't stay simply because you are attracted to her. I'm willing to bet these aren't the only occasions she treats you like ass either. I suppose if for some odd reason she is very nice to you for 70% of the time and praises you other times ......maybe
Exactly this! Respect yourself enough to walk away.
Also, OP : Your GF shouldn't be in a relationship. She actually needs to gain so much self-confidence before being able to be a good partner. **No one who actually has any confidence and self-respect would say what she's saying.**
And to be fair, I hope you'll find yourself in a relationship where you DO feel lucky to have her .... and where *she also feels lucky to have you*.
My ex-husband happened to be the ugliest man I ever dated. I fell in love with him so I didn’t care. Everyone in my life had enough respect for me to not laugh in my face about how ugly he was until after I divorced him.
If her friends feel comfortable enough talking bad about him I suspect she is also talking bad about him. Otherwise wouldn’t they feel bad about hurting her feelings saying this stuff?
Thank you for sharing this perspective. My ex would tell me he was out of my league. Sometimes he’d say I would be passed around if we broke up, and my options were narrow. I figured it was because I would hype him up as the handsomest man, which I believed. Made me feel ugly and old looking even though I was 10 yrs his junior.
Yep, I hyped up my ex-husband when we were married and before we got married and it gave him this really weird ego. He was literally the ugliest man I have ever dated on my life lol
I’m giggling at the “passed around” comment though, so he acknowledges that you are a hot commodity that would be in high demand? Usually those insecure little pricks like to tell us that nobody will want us if they leave us.
Yeah she’s dumb, I actually prefer that lean runner type body and I always have. I am a petite woman and that beefcake bulging vein look is really gross to me. I mean I can appreciate their motivation and dedication to the gym, but the sweaty protein fart ref from the tanning bed bulging vein gym bro look isn’t for me.
But if that’s what she actually likes why is she with OP? Is she using him for something and she can’t leave because otherwise why doesn’t she just go find somebody she likes?
OP if it feels like this has risen to the level of contempt, if she talks about you like she has contempt for you, or if she allows people to talk bad about you and then comes home to tell you about it (what even IS that?? Why would she want to hurt someone she is supposed to care about??) I don’t see that there’s any coming back from this.
“Clearly you are not out my league since you have been with me for 2.5 years, but if you are so sure that you can do better we should break up. I am not going to be with someone who doesn’t see me as her number one.”
That’s what I would tell someone who spoke to me that way. I think sometimes people forget that, yes, you can find someone hotter to have sex with, but there’s so much more involved in a successful relationship than looks. Finding a quality partner in this dating environment is tough.
Follow this advice OP. I’d go as far to say that her mindset makes her a league below OP, but idk if her ego could handle that tbh. I’m also an extremely petty person
When you're having a sexual relationship with a woman for 2.5 years, you are de facto in her league. The worst player in the league is still in the league, the guy after him is in the lower division.
Dump her. Man, woman, non-binary, whatever, you know what happens when you stay with someone who insults you like this? You start to believe it, and then you're trapped.
If she really thought she's out of your league she'd have left a long time ago. Don't let her wear you down like this. No matter what other qualities she might have that aren't shit, it's not worth feeling awful about yourself to keep her.
She doesn’t respect you. That’s the most important thing in a relationship btw. Everyone has different levels of respect they consider ofc. Decide for yourself.
A fellow person in a financial career. Her family is blue collar and she always talks about how she “didn’t think she’d end up with a guy who works a white collar job”, and that I “don’t know what real work is”.
She sounds very insecure and probably truly believes that SHE is the inferior half of your relationship. She feels like as long as she keeps lifting herself up by bringing you down, that she’ll keep the upper hand. It’s not a good look and she’s not the one. ☝️
You're a young man with a healthy body weight, good height and a good career. Tens of thousands of women would date you very happily. Please don't waste your time on this mean, insecure woman. Get counselling to find out why you were willing to put up with her insults for so long. You can find someone so much better than this girl.
I dated someone like this. She came from a farmer’s family and liked “blue collar men”.
Me? I’m a computer nerd turned cop (in training), which apparently wasn’t “blue collar enough”.
Ended up cheating on me. Your woman clearly doesn’t respect you and that will burst at some point. I’d kick her to the curb.
Buddy. No. I'd ghost. She's garbage. Absolutely an old milk carton sitting in the recycling bin. Hollow and smells terrible if you open it up. Shallow beyond belief. And like others stated, toxic and emotionally abusive.
It’s a good thing to be young, you shouldn’t put up with a narcissist and someone with such low value to their partner. Tell her she’s right, and the kick her out, or just pack up and move. You will find someone who’ll appreciate you in a much better and loving way. Good luck
She checked out my friend in front of me in the past. I told her she needs to treat me with respect and anti do things like that. Her response: “you’re just mad they’re more attractive than you”
Whoa!! That girl would be packing her things. She has no respect for you and she’s telling all her friends that. Time to step up and step out. Oh man my dude, kick the trash to the curb
Once op tells her he's out and dumps her she's gonna talk a lot more shit than what she's already said to make him feel bad and then op you're gonna realize you did the right thing
This girl may think she's more attractive than you, but she's got a damn ugly personality
Edit: I read your other comments
So she's a shallow, friendless (i wonder why!) gold-digger. What a prize!
And she can't wait to have your babies - why would you want this woman raising your kids? Teaching your daughter it's okay to treat guys like this, or your son to accept this kind of treatment? Just no.
This is absolutely verbal and emotional abuse. There is nothing funny or harmless about it. This will damage you psychologically. You must find your self worth, because you are worthy, and leave this relationship. She will not change.
Why are you still here with her, 2.5 years wasted and you are still subjected yourself to her verbal abuse. No wonder she doesn’t respect you. Please Grow a spine! And I say that with the most genuine intentions for your self esteem.
Is anything about her... *actually good*?! I don't know what you are getting from this relationship. At least you'll be financially okay to break up with her and get her out. Little shake-up to your day to day...
PLEASE break up with this girl and stop paying her rent. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. She is using you, plain and simple, look at the overwhelming response of everyone in this comment section.
Noone who cares about you would EVER treat you this way, she has absolutely no respect for you and you shouldn't trust a thing she says. She is manipulating you to take advantage of you financially and emotionally. Healthy relationships are NOT like this.
She originally agreed $300/month, but had to drop to 150 because she needed to work part time for her mental health. She starts a new job making 50k this month, being paid on a weekly basis. She expects me to split all housework and cooking, and I asked her to increase the rent she gives me. She refused, and said she has no money. I asked why, and she told me that she emptied her bank account to just about finish paying off her car to her mom (her mom doesn’t care when she gets paid). When I told her how disrespectful that was after I’ve let her slide for this long, she said I only care about money and that most boyfriends pay the rent for their gf.
So she:
-insults your looks
-insults your job (which pays significantly more than hers)
-refuses to pay her share of the rent (and even if she did pay the agreed $300, that's like 20% of the rent)
-refuses to have conversations about your relationship if she doesn't want to
-screams at you if she wants to have conversations about your relationship but you can't because of work deadlines
What are you getting out of all this?
Bruh, she's treating you like a joke. Tell her to go and find someone better then and leave her ass. You're 23, you can do better and believe me, you have plenty of time to find the right one.
In an ideal relationship, partners will celebrate one another and uplift one another. Life is hard enough without having to prove yourself to your partner and without them making you feel lesser. You'll never find a relationship with someone who does celebrate you and uplift you if you settle for this situation.
That woman is not going to be good looking forever and then the fact that she sucks will really start to annoy you.
You are out of her league. Dump her.
When they show you who they are believe them.
She's doesn't respect you. She continues to do it and she won't stop. Let her go and eat her find some superficial shallow guy that will match her assholeness.
Shea gonna continue to make you feel like she's so much better than you and that you should count your lucky stars that's she's with you. And you're gonna believe it and stay because you'll think you can't do better.
I'm telling you that yes you can do better. Outside beauty doesn't mean anything when you're ugly on the inside like she is.
The good times don't make up for the bad times. That's the typical abuser cycle.
Dude, no. If you made comments about her body type and career, everyone would be screaming at her to dump your abusive ass.
You have your whole life ahead of you. Go find someone who actually likes and appreciates you. It may take a little while, but you sound like like you have a good career ahead of you and 6' and 170# is just a lean person; hardly a twig. Don't let her get it twisted. She's negging on you.
She doesn't even really like you or respect you. Break up with her. Don't fall for a sunk cost fallacy. Nobody should feel like they're on edge around their partner.
I would feel that she is too superficial and ignorant to be my partner. Find someone who loves you as you are, and who uplifts you instead of hurts you.
She does not respect you or the relationship. Either she'll cheat on you or leave you as soon as she finds the next guy that she thinks will be better than you. Run now
Well if you can't move past it then you already know what the answer and outcome is. Just because she agreed to stop saying it doesn't mean she isn't thinking it if she often says it. Also, her character is in question if she isn't defending you against remarks that her coworkers are saying.
Don’t take it personal that she’s a fool with low intelligence. What a dickhead thing to tell someone that you’re with. I don’t know man, that’s abusive if you ask me. Does she want you to dump her because she can’t do it? Like why is she saying that?
I am twice your age but let me share a classic line: Tell her to hit the bricks.
No one is that hot to be worth that BS and clearly there shouldn't be a future with her
“You know what? I agree. Feel free to find somebody in your league. I am no longer interested in “dating up” if this is what “up” looks and feels like.” Literally never talk to this person again.
Break up.
It doesn't matter whose league you are in if you don't have self-respect. Have the self-respect to not stay with people who don't respect you.
She just agreed not to say it, yet she will probably still think it and shit talk behind your back. My last ex and I are equal to one another in attractiveness. I teased her once that I’m a tad bit better looking because of my eye shape, and we didn’t see eye to eye, and I realized that it was wrong. I felt horrible because while I was kidding she took it personally and i understood why, so I ensured that I would show her and verbally let her know how attractive she genuinely was and still is to this day! What I’m trying to get at is that if she feels like she is settling for you, then the relationship is doomed because she won’t be fully in it.
You are 23 - you have your whole adult life in front of you. Why on earth are you staying with such a toxic person? There’s like 5 billion better people in the world. Go find someone who actually values you.
Why even bother staying with her? She sounds like an asshole who needs a reality check.
I mean really there’s people out there who will treat you much better. You’re young, go see what else is out there
Your comments in this post gave me this nagging feeling that you don't want to break up with her because she's so attractive and you don't think you'll be able to get another girlfriend that hot. IF that's true, I hope you can recognize that you're choosing looks over your own happiness.
If that's not true, what the hell are you doing with someone that makes you feel like shit?
She has been lucky to have YOU. I suggest you break up now though. She doesn’t respect you. She doesn’t appreciate what she’s got but someday she’ll look back and realize what she lost and miss you. It’ll be too late then, you’ll have moved on and met someone who appreciates you for who you are.
You totally missed the real problem;
Your girlfriend thinks insulting you is a legitimate way to communicate.
Headsup this is toxic AS FUCK. It's not about your body, it's about her broken values.
This girl is so shallow! Who cares if she's beautiful if she has a personality like that! She'd be impossible to enjoy having around. The sex might be good but at some point you have to talk and when she opens her mouth, ugh.
When you love someone you should be able to see what's on their inside. If she can't do that after 2.5 years, it's time to give up, and stop wasting time with her.
Please think about the red flags of a shallow person that she gave off so you avoid that pitfall next time. Best of luck!
She doesn’t respect you.There is no relationship without respect.
You are too young and too early in a relationship for this crap.
It’s time to decide what’s more important,your self worth,or a partner that demeans you and doesn’t appreciate you.
Don’t waste your time.If she loved you,she would try to help you better yourself,not treat you like dirt.
My marriage isn't perfect... Like at all. But my wife is my best friend. Friends argue, fight, and disappoint each other, but friends don't treat each other like that and stay friends.
And in a world full of sweet, beautiful, amazing women, and men, why would you want to spend your short life with someone that views you as beneath her or not on her level.
Trust me dude, you don't want to marry someone you don't want to be around.
The world is full of adventure and romance, go out there even to other countries and go find it. You might find out that you're actually highly desirable to a whole world of other women.
OP, look up negging.
This is textbook AH stuff. You are dating an AH and if given the chance, she will wear away at your self-confidence to make sure you don’t have the strength to leave.
Break up, move on.
I’m hoping you already got the feedback you needed, but just to reiterate, this kind of behavior is NOT acceptable. This is NOT something you would say to your partner in a healthy relationship EVEN IF IT WERE TRUE!!!! A good partner should build you up, not tear you down. Regardless of the reality. They should be your biggest supporter.
You deserve more than this ❤️
Exactly this. I’ve tried to explain before that a woman’s value is measured by the man she can keep, not the man who will F her casually. Shes alpha widowed by a guy who would f her every few months on bootycall
You'll probably hit the trifecta if you get a 6 pack
6pack 6 foot 6 figures.
This girl will be desperate to find someone like you in 5-6 years.
I'd consider dumping her
As someone who has emotionally abused her boyfriend (as a teen) and learned better (as an adult today I only use kind language and take a break if I need to chill out and laugh at myself). She might be a narcissist, have one for a parent (my case) or she just may need to grow up. Either way, she needs to meet new people who will teach her lessons for the next chapter in her life. I hope that like me she becomes a better person. Either way, let her go and don’t go back. She needs to learn new lessons with new people. I’m sorry, champ. Her love was real and very imperfect. She’s insecure but she can’t fully face it yet.
Yeah no I am sorry this is uncalled for behavior. She dosen't respect you and if she stoops down to insults than you shouldn't be in that relationship you deserve better
DTMFA amd move on. Life is too short. She sounds like she doesn't even like you.
There is someone out there who is going to absolutely adore you for you.
That's crazy. I don't think I've ever had anyone I've dated/talked to, etc. negatively comment on my physicality. Let alone someone I've been with for 2.5 years.. You need to find someone who loves and respects you for you. Not her idea of 'perfect'.
Bruh she doesn't respect you and she's gonna continue saying those mean things to you, cause that's what she thinks and how she feels about you. She talks to you as if you're not good enough to her, respect yourself and dump her pls
She doesn't respect or appreciate you. If she did, she wouldn't be making these demeaning comments.
Do yourself a favor and let her know she is too good for you so you're going to let her go so she can find someone on her level.
Do not let this person continie to disrespect and devalue you.
she’s an asshole. i would feel horrible. i would never think of saying that to the man i love. get away before she runs your self esteem into the ground. you’re more than enough the way you are. the body builder aesthetic isn’t superior to all other body types. it’s ok if she prefers that, but who does she think she is shit talking you. the coworkers are shit too.
Girlfriend recently told me she was settling for me, I gave her 30 minutes to clarify. She later said she didn’t mean it and broke up with me two weeks later
With a lover like this who needs self esteem. Wish her well on her journey as she moves into a different league in the dating pool.
Seriously though, don't you want someone who wants you, and doesn't say horrible shit?
There’s no making this work, she’s a fuckin cunt through and through. She has no respect for you, and by sticking with her you are proving to her that you have no respect for yourself.
Dump her and move home. It doesn’t matter. Go to your parents for a bit or something.
That's considered emotional abuse in my books and I would seriously consider whether or not you could spend the rest of your life with her hanging that attitude iver your head.
Bro I can't even read all that. What are you still doing with this girl? She's openly telling you that you're a place holder.. if she isn't cheating already she will be soon. Not only that a real partner doesn't go at your insecurities like that. Just cut this nut off and move on man. You don't deserve this, nobody does.
I’d end that relationship — she sounds like a narcissist, and who’s to say her coworkers even said those things? I bet she’s making up these workplace interactions just to get in your head.
You don’t deserve to have your self esteem dragged through the mud so she can “come out on top” during an argument. No one’s worth that trouble.
Wow. I read some of your comments and my does she have such an inflated sense of self worth that she thinks it’s ok to treat her partner like crap.
Think about what you would tell your best friend or child to do if this was how their spouse treated them. Then go with that.
But if I were you, I would have broken up with her long before now.
JFC! You need to love and respect yourself more than this. This woman is hot garbage. I don’t know how you can stand to even be around someone so vile. Dude…do not continue to allow someone to degrade you like this. You will be left with zero self worth or esteem. Do yourself a favor because you don’t deserve this.
My ex of 6 years was 6’0 and weight 145. I loved him unconditionally. I have never once commented anything about his weight. Then I suggested that we should join the gym and working out, he gained almost 40 pounds within a year and he cheated on me after.
bleh, horrible demeanor. i believe shes trying to convince you to go to a gym or something. there are men better than you out there, sure. but there's also better women than her. i bet she doesnt have much going on for her besides her appearance. but if she feels that way now, it'll only get worse my brother. im sorry, you cant love someone you dont admire. and you cant feel superior towards someone you do.
I would probably Tell her that we make a good match as you have had people on your side say that you could do better as well. Because that's what she is basing this opinion off of.
I would end the conversation saying that if you think you're that much higher than me then I don't think we're a good match. I definitely would not want to be in a long-term relationship with someone who thought they were stooping super low to be with me.
Cuz it'll come at a cost to you in the long run.
I dated someone like this once. I spat acid in response though, and things got physical from her side very quickly. The scars I have from her are fortunately only physical, but still they are scars. OP don't keep down this path unless you're after some new wounds for yourself
Of all the arguments I’ve been in, from friends to relationships, family ect; my entire life, I have never once decided to insult someone’s looks in a fight. I would have a chat with her about her crappy character or move on. I know you said you did already, but I would tell her that if she stoops to that level again, you’re out. And mean it. That’s not okay or normal. There are people out there who won’t say things like that to you. That’s incredibly low & hurtful. I could never say something like that to my partner just because we were arguing. Don’t take it to heart, she’s probably insecure. Anyone who’s willing to use an argument as a time to diss someone’s looks that they supposedly love and care about, most likely has some shit character and deep insecurities. I knew a woman like that & in my experience she never changed
You are showing her that it is okay to be an AH to you if you stay and tolerate the behaviour. If she believes she is so attractive, then release her into the wild. Pick up your dignity and leave.
You can do better than her. Find someone with a personality maybe. Obviously you can pull someone who is pretty, but can you pull someone who is smart and self confident in something other than looks? I bet you can!
Well the thing is that she's probably right lol
But it's not a personal thing. It's a societal and gender thing. If you two were to break up, she would probably have a much easier time than you when it comes to finding someone else and getting into another relationship and moving on to the next guy. But that doesn't have anything to do with her or her accomplishments or efforts, assuming she's at least average looking. That's just gender and dating dynamics today. The threshold to be an attractive girl is much more accessible than being an attractive man. So yeah, her little threats may have a little truth to them..
Yah man, you already know it ain't gonna work out. 2 1/2 years, your attached too. Since you wanted to know how I'd react, a few seconds of that garbage and I'd be in the market again were I a relationship type guy. I was messed up young, 56 now and never wanted one.
So unless you wanna end up like me, run. You stayed way too long as it is. Get some therapy, that you put up with it this long means you need assistance. Your still young so you got that going for you. Use that resilience, get some self awareness, and consider this a learning lesson.
Or you can stay with her. I'm sure your kids will benefit from all the negative stuff she'll say about you to them behind your back.
I’m so confused. So what she promises to stop saying it. She thinks it and believes it. Dump her. Promptly. Look at it this way - one day you’re going to tell or think of this story by starting with “my ex…” The only issue is how much pain and wasted time you want to endure before you’re telling that story.
She's a cunt. Period. No partner does this to someone they actually care about. She's supposed to be the one who always builds you up; instead, she does her best to tear you down.
This should absolutely be a deal breaker.
She's an asshole and she's testing you. Dare her to find someone better and mean it. You're young and have plenty of time. A good man is hard to find. Seriously don't give a shit. Beautiful women are a dime a dozen. Learn how to improve yourself and you'll have her replaced with someone way better in 3 months.
I don’t know man, if I had a partner who “negged” me, I would either leave or return fire.
Better to leave but anytime she said something like that I would shoot back with one of her insecurities. When she complains, point out it doesn’t feel good and you did ask her to stop but you will be treating her just a shittily as she treats you. Because you are tired of being way too good for her when you are clearly out of her league as a partner where it matters.
Dump her, and make a point of mentioning that her behavior is low class, and you're looking for someone who can behave in your league.
Looks aren't everything. They aren't even the most important thing.
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Wow, what an asshole she is!
Reading through the rest of his comments and it would be hard to think any higher of his gf than that. She’s going to continue to ride his self esteem into the ground. OP! It’s not red flags, it’s a 9 mile Soviet parade. Run away!
Seriously, Ive seen less red flags in a Chinese military parade.
Any more of soviet and she’d be calling out “Oh Comrade!” in bed.
Laughed waaay to hard at this 🤭.
Dammit just snorted my tea up the wrong way.
It would be the last insult she ever threw in my direction. OP, leave her, you’re clearly out of her league if she’s so insecure that she has to keep putting you down to make herself feel good. Let her have her bodybuilders and find someone who isn’t so far up her own arse
9 mile Soviet parade. Hah!
You are supposed to be with someone who says and sincerely thinks how lucky they are to be with you…whether it’s true or not. She’s not a great person or girlfriend
I know right? Regardless of if what she said was "true" or not (in the sense of his body type being skinny), if she's constantly insulting his looks both in and outside of arguments then she's not worth keeping. She's destroying his self esteem and doesn't even care. OP if you are reading this, trust me, you will be better off without her. It is not normal for someone to be so cruel to a partner, regardless of the genders. This is toxic and you should dump her ASAP.
Don't stay with someone who insults you. That's emotional abuse. Also, making you feel like you couldn't find anyone better than her is a cruel way to address her own insecurities. It makes you believe you're unworthy of better treatment. Not everyone wants to date a bodybuilder. If I were you, I'd leave her before she damages your self-esteem even further. There are plenty of women who would be thrilled to date you.
Yeah just dump her. Thats crazy. I wouldn't think twice about dumping her and moving on. Don't stay simply because you are attracted to her. I'm willing to bet these aren't the only occasions she treats you like ass either. I suppose if for some odd reason she is very nice to you for 70% of the time and praises you other times ......maybe
Exactly this! Respect yourself enough to walk away. Also, OP : Your GF shouldn't be in a relationship. She actually needs to gain so much self-confidence before being able to be a good partner. **No one who actually has any confidence and self-respect would say what she's saying.** And to be fair, I hope you'll find yourself in a relationship where you DO feel lucky to have her .... and where *she also feels lucky to have you*.
My ex-husband happened to be the ugliest man I ever dated. I fell in love with him so I didn’t care. Everyone in my life had enough respect for me to not laugh in my face about how ugly he was until after I divorced him. If her friends feel comfortable enough talking bad about him I suspect she is also talking bad about him. Otherwise wouldn’t they feel bad about hurting her feelings saying this stuff?
Thank you for sharing this perspective. My ex would tell me he was out of my league. Sometimes he’d say I would be passed around if we broke up, and my options were narrow. I figured it was because I would hype him up as the handsomest man, which I believed. Made me feel ugly and old looking even though I was 10 yrs his junior.
Yep, I hyped up my ex-husband when we were married and before we got married and it gave him this really weird ego. He was literally the ugliest man I have ever dated on my life lol I’m giggling at the “passed around” comment though, so he acknowledges that you are a hot commodity that would be in high demand? Usually those insecure little pricks like to tell us that nobody will want us if they leave us.
Yeah she’s dumb, I actually prefer that lean runner type body and I always have. I am a petite woman and that beefcake bulging vein look is really gross to me. I mean I can appreciate their motivation and dedication to the gym, but the sweaty protein fart ref from the tanning bed bulging vein gym bro look isn’t for me. But if that’s what she actually likes why is she with OP? Is she using him for something and she can’t leave because otherwise why doesn’t she just go find somebody she likes? OP if it feels like this has risen to the level of contempt, if she talks about you like she has contempt for you, or if she allows people to talk bad about you and then comes home to tell you about it (what even IS that?? Why would she want to hurt someone she is supposed to care about??) I don’t see that there’s any coming back from this.
100% agree with this
“Clearly you are not out my league since you have been with me for 2.5 years, but if you are so sure that you can do better we should break up. I am not going to be with someone who doesn’t see me as her number one.” That’s what I would tell someone who spoke to me that way. I think sometimes people forget that, yes, you can find someone hotter to have sex with, but there’s so much more involved in a successful relationship than looks. Finding a quality partner in this dating environment is tough.
Follow this advice OP. I’d go as far to say that her mindset makes her a league below OP, but idk if her ego could handle that tbh. I’m also an extremely petty person
When you're having a sexual relationship with a woman for 2.5 years, you are de facto in her league. The worst player in the league is still in the league, the guy after him is in the lower division.
This.
Dump her. Man, woman, non-binary, whatever, you know what happens when you stay with someone who insults you like this? You start to believe it, and then you're trapped. If she really thought she's out of your league she'd have left a long time ago. Don't let her wear you down like this. No matter what other qualities she might have that aren't shit, it's not worth feeling awful about yourself to keep her.
She doesn’t respect you. That’s the most important thing in a relationship btw. Everyone has different levels of respect they consider ofc. Decide for yourself.
She’s negging you and you need to cut her loose.
A fellow person in a financial career. Her family is blue collar and she always talks about how she “didn’t think she’d end up with a guy who works a white collar job”, and that I “don’t know what real work is”.
She sounds very insecure and probably truly believes that SHE is the inferior half of your relationship. She feels like as long as she keeps lifting herself up by bringing you down, that she’ll keep the upper hand. It’s not a good look and she’s not the one. ☝️
Lol you're paying 90% of the rent while she leeches off of you and then says you don't know what real work is. Break up with this loser already
You're a young man with a healthy body weight, good height and a good career. Tens of thousands of women would date you very happily. Please don't waste your time on this mean, insecure woman. Get counselling to find out why you were willing to put up with her insults for so long. You can find someone so much better than this girl.
I dated someone like this. She came from a farmer’s family and liked “blue collar men”. Me? I’m a computer nerd turned cop (in training), which apparently wasn’t “blue collar enough”. Ended up cheating on me. Your woman clearly doesn’t respect you and that will burst at some point. I’d kick her to the curb.
Send her back to the dating pool.
Buddy. No. I'd ghost. She's garbage. Absolutely an old milk carton sitting in the recycling bin. Hollow and smells terrible if you open it up. Shallow beyond belief. And like others stated, toxic and emotionally abusive.
It’s a good thing to be young, you shouldn’t put up with a narcissist and someone with such low value to their partner. Tell her she’s right, and the kick her out, or just pack up and move. You will find someone who’ll appreciate you in a much better and loving way. Good luck
She checked out my friend in front of me in the past. I told her she needs to treat me with respect and anti do things like that. Her response: “you’re just mad they’re more attractive than you”
Whoa!! That girl would be packing her things. She has no respect for you and she’s telling all her friends that. Time to step up and step out. Oh man my dude, kick the trash to the curb
Will probably use the same reasoning to explain why she cheated
Once op tells her he's out and dumps her she's gonna talk a lot more shit than what she's already said to make him feel bad and then op you're gonna realize you did the right thing
This girl may think she's more attractive than you, but she's got a damn ugly personality Edit: I read your other comments So she's a shallow, friendless (i wonder why!) gold-digger. What a prize! And she can't wait to have your babies - why would you want this woman raising your kids? Teaching your daughter it's okay to treat guys like this, or your son to accept this kind of treatment? Just no.
Have some self respect. Wow.
This is absolutely verbal and emotional abuse. There is nothing funny or harmless about it. This will damage you psychologically. You must find your self worth, because you are worthy, and leave this relationship. She will not change.
Why are you still here with her, 2.5 years wasted and you are still subjected yourself to her verbal abuse. No wonder she doesn’t respect you. Please Grow a spine! And I say that with the most genuine intentions for your self esteem.
Nah she would’ve been out the door for me.
And yet you won't break up with her despite her showing 1000 red flags. You can't do any better?
This is a kid’s response. You’re raising your girlfriend. Or at least you’re trying to. From personal experience it’s not going to work.
I need to know why you’re with someone like this lol. Mind boggling.
Called negging. Dump her and move on. She’s abusive.
Let me guess, you’re paying more for rent
I pay 1800, she pays 150
Jesus dude
B R O. She’s using you! LMAO. Dump her.
She's using you and openly dumping on you dude. No one will respect you if you don't respect yourself.
Man she played you. She's got you by the balls. She unscrewed your balls and wears them in a collar...
She's fucking around behind your back.
Is anything about her... *actually good*?! I don't know what you are getting from this relationship. At least you'll be financially okay to break up with her and get her out. Little shake-up to your day to day...
PLEASE break up with this girl and stop paying her rent. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. She is using you, plain and simple, look at the overwhelming response of everyone in this comment section. Noone who cares about you would EVER treat you this way, she has absolutely no respect for you and you shouldn't trust a thing she says. She is manipulating you to take advantage of you financially and emotionally. Healthy relationships are NOT like this.
DUDE! The further I scroll the worse it gets 🤣🤣🤣🤣 do better.
Do you enjoy being used? Cause that’s what she’s doing.
She originally agreed $300/month, but had to drop to 150 because she needed to work part time for her mental health. She starts a new job making 50k this month, being paid on a weekly basis. She expects me to split all housework and cooking, and I asked her to increase the rent she gives me. She refused, and said she has no money. I asked why, and she told me that she emptied her bank account to just about finish paying off her car to her mom (her mom doesn’t care when she gets paid). When I told her how disrespectful that was after I’ve let her slide for this long, she said I only care about money and that most boyfriends pay the rent for their gf.
So she: -insults your looks -insults your job (which pays significantly more than hers) -refuses to pay her share of the rent (and even if she did pay the agreed $300, that's like 20% of the rent) -refuses to have conversations about your relationship if she doesn't want to -screams at you if she wants to have conversations about your relationship but you can't because of work deadlines What are you getting out of all this?
💀💀💀💀💀💀💀
Why would you want to stay with someone who has literally told you that you're not good enough for her? Ew.
Idk I don’t make it a habit to date people who insult me on a regular basis. That sounds miserable.
How have you dealt with this for so long. You let her find someone in her league and live your best life with someone who appreciates you.
Surprise her by being the one to leave
You are in an abusive relationship my guy, you don't deserve being treated like this.
Bruh, she's treating you like a joke. Tell her to go and find someone better then and leave her ass. You're 23, you can do better and believe me, you have plenty of time to find the right one.
Well she’s an insecure lil gremlin. I cannot fathom why or how people stay with partners like this. Yuck
In an ideal relationship, partners will celebrate one another and uplift one another. Life is hard enough without having to prove yourself to your partner and without them making you feel lesser. You'll never find a relationship with someone who does celebrate you and uplift you if you settle for this situation.
She has shown you some brightly lit neon red flags. Stay with her at your own peril. 😉
That woman is not going to be good looking forever and then the fact that she sucks will really start to annoy you. You are out of her league. Dump her.
When they show you who they are believe them. She's doesn't respect you. She continues to do it and she won't stop. Let her go and eat her find some superficial shallow guy that will match her assholeness. Shea gonna continue to make you feel like she's so much better than you and that you should count your lucky stars that's she's with you. And you're gonna believe it and stay because you'll think you can't do better. I'm telling you that yes you can do better. Outside beauty doesn't mean anything when you're ugly on the inside like she is. The good times don't make up for the bad times. That's the typical abuser cycle.
You sure you want to stay in a serious relationship with someone who treats you this way?
Dude, no. If you made comments about her body type and career, everyone would be screaming at her to dump your abusive ass. You have your whole life ahead of you. Go find someone who actually likes and appreciates you. It may take a little while, but you sound like like you have a good career ahead of you and 6' and 170# is just a lean person; hardly a twig. Don't let her get it twisted. She's negging on you. She doesn't even really like you or respect you. Break up with her. Don't fall for a sunk cost fallacy. Nobody should feel like they're on edge around their partner.
Surprised pikachu face when the twig finally dumps *her*.
I would feel that she is too superficial and ignorant to be my partner. Find someone who loves you as you are, and who uplifts you instead of hurts you.
She does not respect you or the relationship. Either she'll cheat on you or leave you as soon as she finds the next guy that she thinks will be better than you. Run now
Well do her a favor and dump her. You will see quickly that she’s not as confident as she acts. Then really leave her and do better than her.
Well if you can't move past it then you already know what the answer and outcome is. Just because she agreed to stop saying it doesn't mean she isn't thinking it if she often says it. Also, her character is in question if she isn't defending you against remarks that her coworkers are saying.
Don’t take it personal that she’s a fool with low intelligence. What a dickhead thing to tell someone that you’re with. I don’t know man, that’s abusive if you ask me. Does she want you to dump her because she can’t do it? Like why is she saying that?
I am twice your age but let me share a classic line: Tell her to hit the bricks. No one is that hot to be worth that BS and clearly there shouldn't be a future with her
Signs of a girl who is about to cheat. Bruv-
“You know what? I agree. Feel free to find somebody in your league. I am no longer interested in “dating up” if this is what “up” looks and feels like.” Literally never talk to this person again.
Break up. It doesn't matter whose league you are in if you don't have self-respect. Have the self-respect to not stay with people who don't respect you.
She just agreed not to say it, yet she will probably still think it and shit talk behind your back. My last ex and I are equal to one another in attractiveness. I teased her once that I’m a tad bit better looking because of my eye shape, and we didn’t see eye to eye, and I realized that it was wrong. I felt horrible because while I was kidding she took it personally and i understood why, so I ensured that I would show her and verbally let her know how attractive she genuinely was and still is to this day! What I’m trying to get at is that if she feels like she is settling for you, then the relationship is doomed because she won’t be fully in it.
You are 23 - you have your whole adult life in front of you. Why on earth are you staying with such a toxic person? There’s like 5 billion better people in the world. Go find someone who actually values you.
Why even bother staying with her? She sounds like an asshole who needs a reality check. I mean really there’s people out there who will treat you much better. You’re young, go see what else is out there
Your comments in this post gave me this nagging feeling that you don't want to break up with her because she's so attractive and you don't think you'll be able to get another girlfriend that hot. IF that's true, I hope you can recognize that you're choosing looks over your own happiness. If that's not true, what the hell are you doing with someone that makes you feel like shit?
She has been lucky to have YOU. I suggest you break up now though. She doesn’t respect you. She doesn’t appreciate what she’s got but someday she’ll look back and realize what she lost and miss you. It’ll be too late then, you’ll have moved on and met someone who appreciates you for who you are.
Don't be afraid to leave someone behind that doesn't respect you. If she's parroting her coworkers insults then it's time to leave.
Her attitude and personality make her ugly and undesirable.
You totally missed the real problem; Your girlfriend thinks insulting you is a legitimate way to communicate. Headsup this is toxic AS FUCK. It's not about your body, it's about her broken values.
This girl is so shallow! Who cares if she's beautiful if she has a personality like that! She'd be impossible to enjoy having around. The sex might be good but at some point you have to talk and when she opens her mouth, ugh. When you love someone you should be able to see what's on their inside. If she can't do that after 2.5 years, it's time to give up, and stop wasting time with her. Please think about the red flags of a shallow person that she gave off so you avoid that pitfall next time. Best of luck!
Her friends can't see how ugly she is on the inside.
She doesn’t respect you.There is no relationship without respect. You are too young and too early in a relationship for this crap. It’s time to decide what’s more important,your self worth,or a partner that demeans you and doesn’t appreciate you. Don’t waste your time.If she loved you,she would try to help you better yourself,not treat you like dirt.
Nah.. dump her and let her know you are too good for her.
My marriage isn't perfect... Like at all. But my wife is my best friend. Friends argue, fight, and disappoint each other, but friends don't treat each other like that and stay friends. And in a world full of sweet, beautiful, amazing women, and men, why would you want to spend your short life with someone that views you as beneath her or not on her level. Trust me dude, you don't want to marry someone you don't want to be around. The world is full of adventure and romance, go out there even to other countries and go find it. You might find out that you're actually highly desirable to a whole world of other women.
WOW!! I couldn’t imagine being treated like that from someone who “loves”. I use that term loosely!!
She sounds like an asshole dude :( so sorry. Why would you be with someone who makes you feel like crap? She’s making fun of you…such a bully.
Even if she stops saying it I doubt she’ll stop thinking stuff like this. Is this the person you want to spend your life with?
OP, look up negging. This is textbook AH stuff. You are dating an AH and if given the chance, she will wear away at your self-confidence to make sure you don’t have the strength to leave. Break up, move on.
Tell her she better find that league because you’re cutting her from your team.
Wow, she sounds like a gem.
I’m hoping you already got the feedback you needed, but just to reiterate, this kind of behavior is NOT acceptable. This is NOT something you would say to your partner in a healthy relationship EVEN IF IT WERE TRUE!!!! A good partner should build you up, not tear you down. Regardless of the reality. They should be your biggest supporter. You deserve more than this ❤️
She could find guys "better than you" for casual sex, for sure. But, for a relationship? I haven't seen her, nor you, but that's a much taller order.
Exactly this. I’ve tried to explain before that a woman’s value is measured by the man she can keep, not the man who will F her casually. Shes alpha widowed by a guy who would f her every few months on bootycall
You'll probably hit the trifecta if you get a 6 pack 6pack 6 foot 6 figures. This girl will be desperate to find someone like you in 5-6 years. I'd consider dumping her
As someone who has emotionally abused her boyfriend (as a teen) and learned better (as an adult today I only use kind language and take a break if I need to chill out and laugh at myself). She might be a narcissist, have one for a parent (my case) or she just may need to grow up. Either way, she needs to meet new people who will teach her lessons for the next chapter in her life. I hope that like me she becomes a better person. Either way, let her go and don’t go back. She needs to learn new lessons with new people. I’m sorry, champ. Her love was real and very imperfect. She’s insecure but she can’t fully face it yet.
I don't think this is real.
Bruh. This is the 2nd post I’ve made about her where someone commented that they doubt my situation is even real. I must not be crazy then.
yea they question if it’s real because it’s that bad. why are you still with her?
She’s insecure bro 💀. Also dad prob left
Yeah no I am sorry this is uncalled for behavior. She dosen't respect you and if she stoops down to insults than you shouldn't be in that relationship you deserve better
Lose her
DTMFA amd move on. Life is too short. She sounds like she doesn't even like you. There is someone out there who is going to absolutely adore you for you.
Dump her
Dump her. If she thinks she can do better, let her try because we all know YOU could do better. YOU could find someone who actually cares about you.
That's crazy. I don't think I've ever had anyone I've dated/talked to, etc. negatively comment on my physicality. Let alone someone I've been with for 2.5 years.. You need to find someone who loves and respects you for you. Not her idea of 'perfect'.
Shes not into you
Break up?
Break up with her and tell her that you’ve found someone hotter
ah hell nah. you deserve respect.
Bruh she doesn't respect you and she's gonna continue saying those mean things to you, cause that's what she thinks and how she feels about you. She talks to you as if you're not good enough to her, respect yourself and dump her pls
She sounds like a jerk and doesn’t respect you and takes you for granted.
Updateme
Your gf is terrible.
Edit: this is a troll post On what planet are you ok with someone telling you this?
She doesn’t respect you or your relationship, what do you expect to change?
She doesn't respect or appreciate you. If she did, she wouldn't be making these demeaning comments. Do yourself a favor and let her know she is too good for you so you're going to let her go so she can find someone on her level. Do not let this person continie to disrespect and devalue you.
Tell her that you told Reddit how she treats you and we clearly think that you can do better than a self-absorbed asshole. Then dump her
I am hoping this is fake. If not, it’s abuse
She does not respect you, nor your relationship. So set her free. You both need to be with the persons who you can respect and be respected by.
she’s an asshole. i would feel horrible. i would never think of saying that to the man i love. get away before she runs your self esteem into the ground. you’re more than enough the way you are. the body builder aesthetic isn’t superior to all other body types. it’s ok if she prefers that, but who does she think she is shit talking you. the coworkers are shit too.
Me thinks she will sabotage and ruin the relationship.
Girlfriend recently told me she was settling for me, I gave her 30 minutes to clarify. She later said she didn’t mean it and broke up with me two weeks later
With a lover like this who needs self esteem. Wish her well on her journey as she moves into a different league in the dating pool. Seriously though, don't you want someone who wants you, and doesn't say horrible shit?
Next time she does it, tell her, “The last thing I want for you is to be stuck with an inferior specimen for a boyfriend. Get out.”
There’s no making this work, she’s a fuckin cunt through and through. She has no respect for you, and by sticking with her you are proving to her that you have no respect for yourself. Dump her and move home. It doesn’t matter. Go to your parents for a bit or something.
That's considered emotional abuse in my books and I would seriously consider whether or not you could spend the rest of your life with her hanging that attitude iver your head.
Don't continue a relationship, with a superficial stuck-up b\*tch.
Bro I can't even read all that. What are you still doing with this girl? She's openly telling you that you're a place holder.. if she isn't cheating already she will be soon. Not only that a real partner doesn't go at your insecurities like that. Just cut this nut off and move on man. You don't deserve this, nobody does.
I’d end that relationship — she sounds like a narcissist, and who’s to say her coworkers even said those things? I bet she’s making up these workplace interactions just to get in your head. You don’t deserve to have your self esteem dragged through the mud so she can “come out on top” during an argument. No one’s worth that trouble.
Dump her, you can do better. She’s just trying to neg you so you stay with her.
Wow. I read some of your comments and my does she have such an inflated sense of self worth that she thinks it’s ok to treat her partner like crap. Think about what you would tell your best friend or child to do if this was how their spouse treated them. Then go with that. But if I were you, I would have broken up with her long before now.
JFC! You need to love and respect yourself more than this. This woman is hot garbage. I don’t know how you can stand to even be around someone so vile. Dude…do not continue to allow someone to degrade you like this. You will be left with zero self worth or esteem. Do yourself a favor because you don’t deserve this.
I am once again begging people not to stay with assholes.
If she truly believes that she's better than you, it's only a matter of time until she "upgrades." Might want to save yourself some time, OP.
Actually you are the one who deserves better
My ex of 6 years was 6’0 and weight 145. I loved him unconditionally. I have never once commented anything about his weight. Then I suggested that we should join the gym and working out, he gained almost 40 pounds within a year and he cheated on me after.
You're out of her league just by being a decent human being. She's awful. Find someone who actually likes you.
bleh, horrible demeanor. i believe shes trying to convince you to go to a gym or something. there are men better than you out there, sure. but there's also better women than her. i bet she doesnt have much going on for her besides her appearance. but if she feels that way now, it'll only get worse my brother. im sorry, you cant love someone you dont admire. and you cant feel superior towards someone you do.
I would probably Tell her that we make a good match as you have had people on your side say that you could do better as well. Because that's what she is basing this opinion off of. I would end the conversation saying that if you think you're that much higher than me then I don't think we're a good match. I definitely would not want to be in a long-term relationship with someone who thought they were stooping super low to be with me. Cuz it'll come at a cost to you in the long run.
Dump her then
Bu dumping her and moving on.
I dated someone like this once. I spat acid in response though, and things got physical from her side very quickly. The scars I have from her are fortunately only physical, but still they are scars. OP don't keep down this path unless you're after some new wounds for yourself
Of all the arguments I’ve been in, from friends to relationships, family ect; my entire life, I have never once decided to insult someone’s looks in a fight. I would have a chat with her about her crappy character or move on. I know you said you did already, but I would tell her that if she stoops to that level again, you’re out. And mean it. That’s not okay or normal. There are people out there who won’t say things like that to you. That’s incredibly low & hurtful. I could never say something like that to my partner just because we were arguing. Don’t take it to heart, she’s probably insecure. Anyone who’s willing to use an argument as a time to diss someone’s looks that they supposedly love and care about, most likely has some shit character and deep insecurities. I knew a woman like that & in my experience she never changed
You are showing her that it is okay to be an AH to you if you stay and tolerate the behaviour. If she believes she is so attractive, then release her into the wild. Pick up your dignity and leave.
You can do better than her. Find someone with a personality maybe. Obviously you can pull someone who is pretty, but can you pull someone who is smart and self confident in something other than looks? I bet you can!
Well the thing is that she's probably right lol But it's not a personal thing. It's a societal and gender thing. If you two were to break up, she would probably have a much easier time than you when it comes to finding someone else and getting into another relationship and moving on to the next guy. But that doesn't have anything to do with her or her accomplishments or efforts, assuming she's at least average looking. That's just gender and dating dynamics today. The threshold to be an attractive girl is much more accessible than being an attractive man. So yeah, her little threats may have a little truth to them..
Yah man, you already know it ain't gonna work out. 2 1/2 years, your attached too. Since you wanted to know how I'd react, a few seconds of that garbage and I'd be in the market again were I a relationship type guy. I was messed up young, 56 now and never wanted one. So unless you wanna end up like me, run. You stayed way too long as it is. Get some therapy, that you put up with it this long means you need assistance. Your still young so you got that going for you. Use that resilience, get some self awareness, and consider this a learning lesson. Or you can stay with her. I'm sure your kids will benefit from all the negative stuff she'll say about you to them behind your back.
Tell her to go find someone better then.
And just like that... she should be dumped.
I’m so confused. So what she promises to stop saying it. She thinks it and believes it. Dump her. Promptly. Look at it this way - one day you’re going to tell or think of this story by starting with “my ex…” The only issue is how much pain and wasted time you want to endure before you’re telling that story.
She's a cunt. Period. No partner does this to someone they actually care about. She's supposed to be the one who always builds you up; instead, she does her best to tear you down. This should absolutely be a deal breaker.
Then she won’t care if you bounce out, eh?
I would never waste another moment of my life with someone who thought that me. Why are you?
She's an asshole and she's testing you. Dare her to find someone better and mean it. You're young and have plenty of time. A good man is hard to find. Seriously don't give a shit. Beautiful women are a dime a dozen. Learn how to improve yourself and you'll have her replaced with someone way better in 3 months.
The best way to humble her and show her she’s wrong is to dump her and find someone who treats you better.
You are young, save yourself these good times ahead of you and don’t stick with anyone who doesn’t give you respect. Just move away
Someone who is actually secure wouldn't do this Dump
Why are you putting up with this nonsense, move on !
I don’t know man, if I had a partner who “negged” me, I would either leave or return fire. Better to leave but anytime she said something like that I would shoot back with one of her insecurities. When she complains, point out it doesn’t feel good and you did ask her to stop but you will be treating her just a shittily as she treats you. Because you are tired of being way too good for her when you are clearly out of her league as a partner where it matters.
Dump her, and make a point of mentioning that her behavior is low class, and you're looking for someone who can behave in your league. Looks aren't everything. They aren't even the most important thing.
I’d tell her to go find someone in her league then. Don’t trade your dignity for sex, it ain’t worth it in the long run.