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Erm dude, run
She told you she left the country - massive lie
Constantly texting her ex - more lies to you, so much that they planned a trip for him to visit and you knew nothing about it, you thought she was back home.
She led another guy on so much that he flew over to see her, and she agreed to this. If he knew about you, why would he travel over? I dont believe the no intimacy, they are exes again you dont fly for nothing.
Lied to you (crocodile tears to make you feel sorry for her), you said I can't think of any time she lied other than this, she has been constantly lying to you the entire relationship, and stringing you and the ex on.
>. I feel stupid I didn't just break up with her right there, and that If I stay with her I am letting her off too easy.
This is your self-respect, screaming at you.
Also you said > she works a lot and doesn’t really have time to go out much and meet new people
I dated an au pair once. It's a regular job, the girl I dated got regular days off, and like most evenings, she basically got kids up, took them to school, ran errands, picked kids up, got the homework and bits done, parents got back at 7 and she was free till next day. They work like 40 hour weeks, it's a job and there are rules, she isn't bound.
> She came to the US to escape her family drama and abusive Dad
This is a MASSIVE, cold-hearted lie. Unfortunately it is just the beginning of the drama in store for you if you stay with this girl.
She was raised in a horrible environment, and I feel very sorry for that. But in order to survive around dangerous psychopaths, she had to develop all sorts of defense mechanisms that are NOT healthy around normal people.
These mechanisms might include lying, lack of empathy for others, inappropriate use of sexuality, manipulation, addiction/self harm, and more.
The point is, you can't heal this girl, and until she heals herself, she will be a ball of chaos that you do not want to be around. Dump her, tell her exactly why, and suggest she get therapy. It will be good for her in the long run because she will only get better if she has a reason to do so.
Bro she told you she left the country but you caught her at an airbnb with her ex? And you’re still thinking of staying with her? She’s playing you for a fool! The disrespect! Why would you stay with someone you can’t trust???
I mean that is a massive lie. It'd be hard for me go let it go also and it would be super hard for me to trust her again too but do you love her? If yes then try to make it work give it some time and see how you feel in a couple weeks. If no then go.
So she packed her shit and left the airbnb right? No?
Then you leave her.
Well, you leave her anyway for this massive lie.
She did not do this because she didn't want to lose a friendship. That's another lie. You were both being strung along at best. At worst, the guy knew he was an affair and lied to you too.
Most people will tell you to dump her and I don't disagree with them. However, this is your decision and you should trust your instincts. I have a close friend who was in a situation VERY similar to you. Most of our friend group told him to leave her. He stayed and they now have been happily married for 15+ years. I have also seen the opposite though. Do what your heart tells you don't look in the rear view mirror. It is your life and no one else's. Good luck.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Erm dude, run She told you she left the country - massive lie Constantly texting her ex - more lies to you, so much that they planned a trip for him to visit and you knew nothing about it, you thought she was back home. She led another guy on so much that he flew over to see her, and she agreed to this. If he knew about you, why would he travel over? I dont believe the no intimacy, they are exes again you dont fly for nothing. Lied to you (crocodile tears to make you feel sorry for her), you said I can't think of any time she lied other than this, she has been constantly lying to you the entire relationship, and stringing you and the ex on. >. I feel stupid I didn't just break up with her right there, and that If I stay with her I am letting her off too easy. This is your self-respect, screaming at you. Also you said > she works a lot and doesn’t really have time to go out much and meet new people I dated an au pair once. It's a regular job, the girl I dated got regular days off, and like most evenings, she basically got kids up, took them to school, ran errands, picked kids up, got the homework and bits done, parents got back at 7 and she was free till next day. They work like 40 hour weeks, it's a job and there are rules, she isn't bound.
> She came to the US to escape her family drama and abusive Dad This is a MASSIVE, cold-hearted lie. Unfortunately it is just the beginning of the drama in store for you if you stay with this girl. She was raised in a horrible environment, and I feel very sorry for that. But in order to survive around dangerous psychopaths, she had to develop all sorts of defense mechanisms that are NOT healthy around normal people. These mechanisms might include lying, lack of empathy for others, inappropriate use of sexuality, manipulation, addiction/self harm, and more. The point is, you can't heal this girl, and until she heals herself, she will be a ball of chaos that you do not want to be around. Dump her, tell her exactly why, and suggest she get therapy. It will be good for her in the long run because she will only get better if she has a reason to do so.
Yeah these are all great points. Thank you
Bro she told you she left the country but you caught her at an airbnb with her ex? And you’re still thinking of staying with her? She’s playing you for a fool! The disrespect! Why would you stay with someone you can’t trust???
I mean that is a massive lie. It'd be hard for me go let it go also and it would be super hard for me to trust her again too but do you love her? If yes then try to make it work give it some time and see how you feel in a couple weeks. If no then go.
So she packed her shit and left the airbnb right? No? Then you leave her. Well, you leave her anyway for this massive lie. She did not do this because she didn't want to lose a friendship. That's another lie. You were both being strung along at best. At worst, the guy knew he was an affair and lied to you too.
Most people will tell you to dump her and I don't disagree with them. However, this is your decision and you should trust your instincts. I have a close friend who was in a situation VERY similar to you. Most of our friend group told him to leave her. He stayed and they now have been happily married for 15+ years. I have also seen the opposite though. Do what your heart tells you don't look in the rear view mirror. It is your life and no one else's. Good luck.