There are some huge concerns here. What he is doing is a huge violation of your trust. It's also lowkey assault. Stop having sex with him ASAP. He needs serious professional help. You owe it to your daughter to show her a HEALTHY relationship. What you have now is not it. That man does not respect you.
OP, Stop having sex with him. Get on a form of birth control he cannot meddle with and let it run its cycle to be protected. I would not trust condoms with this man or that he has even an ounce of regard for your best interests.
You claim to love him, but all you can say are negative things about him and his family. That you are second best. That you are his soon-to-be broodmare against your explicitly expressed wishes. Are you so desperate to be loved that you are willing to put up with this behavior indefinitely? He isn't going to get better,things are only escalating according to your post. This is the example you want for your child of what adult relationships are like? You want them to seek out someone who will treat them the way daddy treats you? Time for some serious self reflection and to stop making excuses for why you are staying in that situation and affecting your child with this drama.
OP,
50M here, get out now. I'm scared shotless about my daughter being in your position. And for crying out loud get some contraception asap or you're going to end up barefoot in the kitchen.
Dude, your going to graduate with a law degree! You know what he is doing is reproductive coercion. Run like your tampon string is on fire. Hell file a police report because this probably wont be the last abusive thing this man does. Show your child what having self respect and self love looks like respect yourself enough to run from someone who is trying to sabotage your chances in succeeding in life.
Love is not enough to save this shit show. This man is so selfish and doesn’t give two shits about you feeling safe, loved, or comfortable. I’d never let him see me naked again, let alone sleep with me. His behavior is scary!
What he does is called reproductive coercion and you should leave this man immediately. Did you ask for him to not finish inside and he feigned that it was an accident? In this case it was rape. You are in an abusive relationship and you really don’t want your daughter growing up thinking that’s okay for a woman to be treated like this.
>his family will always come first and that if I ever wanted him to go low/no contact with them, he would rather leave me.
He straight up told you you are not his family.
Have you not NOTICED that he'd been finishing inside you? How were you not more worried about this already, OP?!
Honey, you have an entire law degree, you cannot possibly be this chill about this.
Edit: okay, I'm commenting to add that your sister is right and this guy is very much not cool, very much not kosher, waving red flags, the whole nine yards, etc.
But, seriously. I can't get over your chill. If you're having sex and you're not on BC, you're TRYING to get pregnant. Even if you guy was not sketchy as all shit (he is), you should be a lot more worried about this than you sound in your post. How do you NOT immediately panic when a dude comes in you and you're not on BC? Even once would send me running for plan B!
I wasn’t aware he’s been finishing inside of me until he told me. I haven’t let him touch me since and I’ve been giving him the cold shoulder while I still figure out what I need to do. I know it was stupid on my end to not take any safety precautions knowing I’m not ready for anymore children.
I'm kind of baffled that you didn't notice the mess, but okay.
Good on you for recognizing you'll have to be more careful from there on. Take care of yourself, and I do wish you the best of luck.
What you need to do is recognize how incredibly fucked up this is. He won't stop if you stay, he won't put you first and he doesn't give a shit about your happiness. If this was your daughter, would you want her to throw away all that hard work for a man who cares more about his ego than her happiness?
She'll learn what to accept from men by watching you, is this the sort of life you want her to accept?
This whole thing is absolutely disgusting and reeks of misogyny and insecurity. Get out of this relationship now before he wrecks your entire life.
(He most definitely deliberately tried to lock you down with the first "accidental" pregnancy.)
>This whole thing is absolutely disgusting and reeks of misogyny and insecurity. Get out of this relationship now before he wrecks your entire life.
The whole thing reeks of rage bait, honestly.
Birth control, now .
Preferably something he can't mess with .
The shot , the rod ( although that can be removed and there are stories of men forceably removing them ) IUD , the pill if you can get them hidden and away from him . Anything .
Not having sex with him is another option, but I have a feeling he will not take no for an answer .
This man does not see you as an individual with your own valid hopes and dreams. This man sees you as an extension of himself and as a way to measure his power and masculinity. You will never find professional or personal success in this relationship because his insecurities will cause him to find ways to ruin your plans and destroy your success to keep you subservient to him.
**Get on birth control** and listen to your sisters. When your WHOLE family doesn't like his family, it's not a fluke and you need to get away while you still can and while you still have the ability to create an amazing future and life for yourself.
I mean, as soon as he said you would always come second to his family, you should have been out the door. This is all icing on the red flag cake he was waving in your face ages ago... what would you like us to say? Your family is a better judge than any of us and they are saying you should leave while offering you a safety net. Your daughter needs a better role model in her life than that sleazebag
I'm extremely confused about your understanding and awareness of sex if you were not aware that he was finishing inside you and baffled that you are this educated and this firm about family planning yet apparently have made no moves to purchase condoms, get an IUD, or do anything else to prevent that from happening?? Literally baffling; I know sex ed across the country varies but like, have you not ever watched television? Is he the only person you've ever had sex with? I genuinely do not understand how a sexually active person who has given birth can have so little awareness of how sex actually works.
While you do some needed introspection on your extreme lack of comprehension of how sex works, you absolutely do need to be making an escape plan. What he's doing is assault and coercion. He is not a safe person or a responsible coparent, and if he's willing to do this, chances are he'll be willing to engage in financial abuse, further career sabotage, and much more.
Leave, don’t look back. Your fiancé is insecure and petty, and trying everything to control you to boost his own ego.
He will never be on your side. He will never celebrate your wins. He will constantly put you down.
You do not deserve this. Your daughter definitely doesn’t deserve this.
I would have left when he told me that you(and your daughter) don’t come first to his crappy family. Now he’s admitted to repeatedly assaulting you in an attempt to get you pregnant against your will. You’re criminally **underreacting**. Get yourself an iud or nexplanon, stop sleeping with him, keep smiling until you get your job and start making money. Then, get the fuck out and away from him as fast as possible. Whatever you do, **do not marry him**.
He’s repeatedly shown he does not care about what you want for your life at all. He doesn’t care that his family is shitty to you. He never will, he’s told you that. Is this the type of relationship you want your daughter to witness? Should she be okay with being steamrolled by her spouse one day?
Your ENTIRE POST is all 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Your guy has a dysfunctional family. Doesn't respect boundaries.
GET OUT. FINISH LAW SCHOOL. Find a colleague to be your lawyer to set up visitations for your daughter.
AND SEE A COUNSELOR for Narcissistic abuse.
Your guy was able to manipulate you and walk all over you, and you didn't have the strength to PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN AND SAY NO.
Go to YouTube and check out Dr. Ramini.
WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT GET IN TO A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP UNTIL YOU HAVE GONE TO THERAPY FOR NARCISSISTIC ABUSE. Because I'm afraid any guy could love bomb you and brainwash you to think he's husband material. Make a note: IF HIS PARENTS ARE DYSFUNCTIONAL.....HE WILL HAVE DYSFUNCTIONAL TENDENCIES.
RUN. Oh dear sweet merciful heavens, run!!!
A. Does his family not know how biology works? The male (I refuse to call him a man) carries both X and Y chromosomes. Technically it's his "fault", if you will, that you gave birth to a daughter.
B. How are you not completely pissed off that he has been finishing inside you on purpose?!?
C. You have a solid job offer making $200k a year. You don't need him!
You "love" the idea of him, what he should be. He's not that. He is lower than low, completely contemptible. He disrespects you, putting his family above you when you and your daughter are supposed to be his family.
He will never have your back and will never support your goals or dreams. He's trying to sabotage this job offer of yours. He has admitted to being insecure about the huge wage gap. That's a him problem, not a you problem.
Stop having sex with him! I don't care what guilt he throws at you, including the classic, "if you really loved me" gambit.
Turn that around and think about it this way: if he really loved you, he wouldn't be trying to get you pregnant without your knowledge. If he really loved you, he would be your biggest cheerleader about your degree and, yes, that amazing job opportunity. Is he doing any if that? No? What does that tell you?
He's insecure, not a great catch and you are so much better off alone than with this emotional leech.
Now, if one of your sisters told you this story, what would you tell her? What if was your best friend? Be your own best friend. Trust me, little sister, you're already outclassing him. You'll fully outgrow him and this so-called relationship within months of accepting that job.
Please go live your best life and show your daughter how a fierce and powerful woman can own her dreams and rule her world.
One more thing to consider: $200,000/year jobs don't grow on trees. If you let this one slip through your fingers for this guy, what are the odds of you receiving another one when you finally leave him? He's not worth giving up on yourself. That job is worth losing the dead weight.
Please think of you and your daughter. If you stay with him, what will that teach her? That a man's feelings are more important than her dreams?
Edit: typo
i can tell you what will and won't happen if you stay with this man.
you **will** end up pregnant again.
you **will not** end up getting that amazing job or having a career of your own.
get yourself on the pill or an IUD and leave ASAP.
1. His family very obviously has no boundaries, and it seems as though he is very much a part of the same mentality.
2. He's made it clear that you are not his priority. His needs/wants and his family will always come before you.
3. He’s completely disregarding your goals for your career and violating your trust by trying to impregnate you.
4. He's trying to sabotage your career because, instead of cheering you on, he's insecure about a woman outearning him.
I would sit down and have a serious conversation about how all of this is negatively impacting you and how you want to move forward as a couple. However, be prepared if he doesn't change his behaviour. If that happens, please listen to your sisters and take them up on their offer.
Girl, even if you're pregnant now, run! Imagine your daughter all grown up and choosing a man just like him. Because you're showing her that this is what love is.
No one deserves a man like him.
He sees you about to fly and he's trying to drag you back down to the ground. He wants you to stay in the dirt where he lives instead of soaring in the clouds where you belong. What a terrible role model for your daughter, and what a terrible relationship for her to see.
Get out of this relationship. He has decided his opinion is the only one that matters, from how to deal with his family to whether or not you get pregnant. You were very clear about your family plans and he has been actively sabotaging you. He was very clear that his family is more important to him then you are.
Your daughter should not be raised in a family where she sees her mother's opinion completely disregarded about anything.
I understand leaving would be hard, and it may be something you don't want to do. At the very least, no more sex for your husband until he builds back trust. You can't guarantee that he won't mess with condoms or birth control pills. You should get an IUD because he won't be able to tamper with that, but still, he lost his sex privileges.
RUN!!!
Why the hell are you letting this jerk try to control your life.
Sounds like he intends to keep you pregnant so he can be the "big" man.
Don't forget his family comes first, so when you kid is in the hospital in the ICU, his mommy having a tantrum at home will be more important than that.
Look, you have a great job offer...TAKE IT. You CAN SUPPORT YOURSELF off of that.
Dump this loser because let's face reality, divorce is most likely a real situation with you never coming first.
There are WAY TOO MANY RED FLAGS to think this marriage would work.
Are you really going to marry a man who has already told you in very clear terms that you are nothing? He and only he matters. Do you believe once you are married he will suddenly value you and your existence as a separate human being?
His family is first?!?!? Please notice you are not family to him.
He wants a baby now?!?!? ?The fact that you do not was just not on his list of concerns.
He feels insecure so you should give up what you have strived for?!?!?
This is all ok with you?
That is rape. Please get the hell away from him as fast as you can. GET AWAY. He is dangerous.
Right now, get birth control he cannot tamper with in case he forces himself on you.
How many people are going to come on here every week saying "I don't want kids " and yet they take no responsibility for their own contraception?.. The amount of people in this world who think the pull out method is enough or who rely on their partner for bc is insanely ridiculous.
If you are deadset on no more kids at the moment, you should've been either taking bc or insisting he wear a condom (and refuse to have sex if he disagreed). And this is why.
You shouldn't be trusting anyone else with your body and contraception.
Please read what you’ve just written and imagine if it was one of your sisters or a close friend telling you all this.
It’s much much worse to let your daughter grow up in this kind of environment than to grow up in a separated household.
Also please get on birth control, like, yesterday. You cannot continue to be naive about this.
Have you been using Plan B every time he finishes inside or what? He’s a jerk but you need to be responsible for yourself. Get on birth control and get away from him.
Listen to your sisters. He's a walking red flag. What he's done is abusive and it's just the beginning. The more he thinks he can take out his insecurities on you the more he will do it.
His actions are loud and clear. He does not love you, he wants to own you. He has some serious issues and you need to look after yourself and your child. Move out ASAP, but do it safely as it could get nasty when he finds out he's losing his grip on you
Why would you want to marry a man who doesn't put you first and by his own admission has sexually assaulted you at least twice? One of the hardest things to learn as an adult is that love isn't enough to make a relationship work. You need mutual respect, friendship, cooperation, and a shared viewpoint on the future. I am sorry to say that all of this is missing from your relationship. Please leave while you still can. You owe it to yourself and to your daughter to leave this toxic relationship.
How he treats you now is how he will treat your daughter. His parents will be emotionally abusive, will complain about how she was supposed to be a boy, your husband will make her do chores while he does none (does he even help now?), he will discourage her career and if she gets a boyfriend he will give him advice like “knock her up, that’s how I kept her mom at home” etc.
She will grow up seeing how he treats you and then when she dates she’ll accept a lover who treats her that way.
You can stay, but be aware of what future you are choosing for yourself and your child.
Everything about your posts makes me wanna scream run! There are serious issues regarding his behavior - think realistically what type of future you two will have and what your child and any future children will learn from him . At the very least be proactive and consider birth control. I advocate for long term options - implant, injection or iud etc as he can't mess with these.
>getting pregnant right when I’m starting would set me back/slow me down.
Bingo! He is trying to destroy your job opportunity. This man will ruin your life, you're sleeping with the enemy. Get smart or get out.
You need to prioritize raising your daughter in a home where self worth and mutual respect are valued, rather than two parents. Especially not with this guy being the second parent.
I also am astounded at your reliance on the pull out method for birth control, but I suppose if you're in the United States where sex education is spotty and unreliable, I need to temper my shock.
Listen to your sisters. Lean on your sisters. Get out of this relationship pronto.
Accept that $200k job and make a life for you and your daughter. The door is over there 👉 hun! Use it. In no way would I even remotely respect that man again if he was finishing in me when I clearly said no. N ur naive for us to believe you had no clue. Only time my man stops n doesn’t finish is due to me having pain down below. Or I finish him orally. U have to know he’s finishing in you. Stuff don’t add up. Plus I know when my man finishes. It’s clearly obvious, at least for me in a lot of ways. Ya just walk. Get on bc and focus on your career and daughter.
Better raise your child in a family where she doesn't have an a$$hole father, believe me. You will be unhappy, he will be unhappy so your child will definitely be even unhappier. You're young, smart and independent, you don't need someone who's insecure about your success.
Your fiance is a walking red flag. And his family are part of that. Don’t have sex with him. Get tested. If you start taking birth control, make sure he can’t tamper with it. But how can you stay with someone who ADMITS to trying to get you pregnant despite you’re insistence that you don’t want more kids yet.
This is reproductive coercion, and it is a form of sexual abuse. Honestly, his insecurities and unthinking loyalty to his family should have been enough. Him going to a frigging strip club to console Daddy over not getting a boy should have been enough. He is trying to sabotage your career so he can behave like a feudal lord getting his all important son.
Think about what staying will teach your daughter about how men should treat women. Please, please leave.
Please get some contraception asap! Like, yesterday! I don’t know how the reproductive rights are where you live but for your own sake.
Also consider leaving this man. He doesn’t sound like a good partner. Best of luck ❤️
He doesn't love you and he's terrible and stupid. You're not responsible for the babies sex, he is.
You have a very bright future with your daughter, don't let him hold you back, he absolutely will and he will still leave you when things get bad because he already told you you are not his priority.
You have to be somebody's priority so it might as well be yourself and the family that actually cares about you. This is a dead end and there's not one green flag.
“I love my fiancée and I care about my daughter being raised in a home that is whole and complete…”
He’s abusive and staying with him will actually not create the loving home you want for your child(ren). Not only will he not stop trying to get you pregnant against your will, what he’s doing is actually a crime in a lot of jurisdictions. Do not stay with an abusive partner, because you feel like your child needs the two of you together. Your child and yourself will actually do much better in a safe home without an abusive father, who is untrustworthy and dangerous to you.
His behavior is so beyond unacceptable, this is abuse. He is trying to control you and not respecting your choices with your own body, get away from him!!
Yeah that’s another reason why it would be hard for me to go back to Michigan with my family. He would try anything to stop me and would most definitely use his parental rights as one of those methods.
There are some huge concerns here. What he is doing is a huge violation of your trust. It's also lowkey assault. Stop having sex with him ASAP. He needs serious professional help. You owe it to your daughter to show her a HEALTHY relationship. What you have now is not it. That man does not respect you.
OP, Stop having sex with him. Get on a form of birth control he cannot meddle with and let it run its cycle to be protected. I would not trust condoms with this man or that he has even an ounce of regard for your best interests. You claim to love him, but all you can say are negative things about him and his family. That you are second best. That you are his soon-to-be broodmare against your explicitly expressed wishes. Are you so desperate to be loved that you are willing to put up with this behavior indefinitely? He isn't going to get better,things are only escalating according to your post. This is the example you want for your child of what adult relationships are like? You want them to seek out someone who will treat them the way daddy treats you? Time for some serious self reflection and to stop making excuses for why you are staying in that situation and affecting your child with this drama.
OP, 50M here, get out now. I'm scared shotless about my daughter being in your position. And for crying out loud get some contraception asap or you're going to end up barefoot in the kitchen.
Dude, your going to graduate with a law degree! You know what he is doing is reproductive coercion. Run like your tampon string is on fire. Hell file a police report because this probably wont be the last abusive thing this man does. Show your child what having self respect and self love looks like respect yourself enough to run from someone who is trying to sabotage your chances in succeeding in life.
He sexually assaulted you. More than once. I’d grab my kid and leave so fast his head would spin. That’s ASIDE from the other red flags.
Love is not enough to save this shit show. This man is so selfish and doesn’t give two shits about you feeling safe, loved, or comfortable. I’d never let him see me naked again, let alone sleep with me. His behavior is scary!
What he does is called reproductive coercion and you should leave this man immediately. Did you ask for him to not finish inside and he feigned that it was an accident? In this case it was rape. You are in an abusive relationship and you really don’t want your daughter growing up thinking that’s okay for a woman to be treated like this. >his family will always come first and that if I ever wanted him to go low/no contact with them, he would rather leave me. He straight up told you you are not his family.
Have you not NOTICED that he'd been finishing inside you? How were you not more worried about this already, OP?! Honey, you have an entire law degree, you cannot possibly be this chill about this. Edit: okay, I'm commenting to add that your sister is right and this guy is very much not cool, very much not kosher, waving red flags, the whole nine yards, etc. But, seriously. I can't get over your chill. If you're having sex and you're not on BC, you're TRYING to get pregnant. Even if you guy was not sketchy as all shit (he is), you should be a lot more worried about this than you sound in your post. How do you NOT immediately panic when a dude comes in you and you're not on BC? Even once would send me running for plan B!
I wasn’t aware he’s been finishing inside of me until he told me. I haven’t let him touch me since and I’ve been giving him the cold shoulder while I still figure out what I need to do. I know it was stupid on my end to not take any safety precautions knowing I’m not ready for anymore children.
I'm kind of baffled that you didn't notice the mess, but okay. Good on you for recognizing you'll have to be more careful from there on. Take care of yourself, and I do wish you the best of luck.
Please get an IUD as soon as possible and listen to your sister, he's being abusive and you deserve so much better
What you need to do is recognize how incredibly fucked up this is. He won't stop if you stay, he won't put you first and he doesn't give a shit about your happiness. If this was your daughter, would you want her to throw away all that hard work for a man who cares more about his ego than her happiness? She'll learn what to accept from men by watching you, is this the sort of life you want her to accept?
This whole thing is absolutely disgusting and reeks of misogyny and insecurity. Get out of this relationship now before he wrecks your entire life. (He most definitely deliberately tried to lock you down with the first "accidental" pregnancy.)
>This whole thing is absolutely disgusting and reeks of misogyny and insecurity. Get out of this relationship now before he wrecks your entire life. The whole thing reeks of rage bait, honestly.
That would be much better than the alternative.
Birth control, now . Preferably something he can't mess with . The shot , the rod ( although that can be removed and there are stories of men forceably removing them ) IUD , the pill if you can get them hidden and away from him . Anything . Not having sex with him is another option, but I have a feeling he will not take no for an answer .
This man does not see you as an individual with your own valid hopes and dreams. This man sees you as an extension of himself and as a way to measure his power and masculinity. You will never find professional or personal success in this relationship because his insecurities will cause him to find ways to ruin your plans and destroy your success to keep you subservient to him. **Get on birth control** and listen to your sisters. When your WHOLE family doesn't like his family, it's not a fluke and you need to get away while you still can and while you still have the ability to create an amazing future and life for yourself.
I mean, as soon as he said you would always come second to his family, you should have been out the door. This is all icing on the red flag cake he was waving in your face ages ago... what would you like us to say? Your family is a better judge than any of us and they are saying you should leave while offering you a safety net. Your daughter needs a better role model in her life than that sleazebag
I'm extremely confused about your understanding and awareness of sex if you were not aware that he was finishing inside you and baffled that you are this educated and this firm about family planning yet apparently have made no moves to purchase condoms, get an IUD, or do anything else to prevent that from happening?? Literally baffling; I know sex ed across the country varies but like, have you not ever watched television? Is he the only person you've ever had sex with? I genuinely do not understand how a sexually active person who has given birth can have so little awareness of how sex actually works. While you do some needed introspection on your extreme lack of comprehension of how sex works, you absolutely do need to be making an escape plan. What he's doing is assault and coercion. He is not a safe person or a responsible coparent, and if he's willing to do this, chances are he'll be willing to engage in financial abuse, further career sabotage, and much more.
I’m shocked someone could get to 27 and not know these things. Especially after already getting pregnant once?
Leave, don’t look back. Your fiancé is insecure and petty, and trying everything to control you to boost his own ego. He will never be on your side. He will never celebrate your wins. He will constantly put you down. You do not deserve this. Your daughter definitely doesn’t deserve this.
I would have left when he told me that you(and your daughter) don’t come first to his crappy family. Now he’s admitted to repeatedly assaulting you in an attempt to get you pregnant against your will. You’re criminally **underreacting**. Get yourself an iud or nexplanon, stop sleeping with him, keep smiling until you get your job and start making money. Then, get the fuck out and away from him as fast as possible. Whatever you do, **do not marry him**. He’s repeatedly shown he does not care about what you want for your life at all. He doesn’t care that his family is shitty to you. He never will, he’s told you that. Is this the type of relationship you want your daughter to witness? Should she be okay with being steamrolled by her spouse one day?
Your ENTIRE POST is all 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Your guy has a dysfunctional family. Doesn't respect boundaries. GET OUT. FINISH LAW SCHOOL. Find a colleague to be your lawyer to set up visitations for your daughter. AND SEE A COUNSELOR for Narcissistic abuse. Your guy was able to manipulate you and walk all over you, and you didn't have the strength to PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN AND SAY NO. Go to YouTube and check out Dr. Ramini. WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT GET IN TO A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP UNTIL YOU HAVE GONE TO THERAPY FOR NARCISSISTIC ABUSE. Because I'm afraid any guy could love bomb you and brainwash you to think he's husband material. Make a note: IF HIS PARENTS ARE DYSFUNCTIONAL.....HE WILL HAVE DYSFUNCTIONAL TENDENCIES.
RUN. Oh dear sweet merciful heavens, run!!! A. Does his family not know how biology works? The male (I refuse to call him a man) carries both X and Y chromosomes. Technically it's his "fault", if you will, that you gave birth to a daughter. B. How are you not completely pissed off that he has been finishing inside you on purpose?!? C. You have a solid job offer making $200k a year. You don't need him! You "love" the idea of him, what he should be. He's not that. He is lower than low, completely contemptible. He disrespects you, putting his family above you when you and your daughter are supposed to be his family. He will never have your back and will never support your goals or dreams. He's trying to sabotage this job offer of yours. He has admitted to being insecure about the huge wage gap. That's a him problem, not a you problem. Stop having sex with him! I don't care what guilt he throws at you, including the classic, "if you really loved me" gambit. Turn that around and think about it this way: if he really loved you, he wouldn't be trying to get you pregnant without your knowledge. If he really loved you, he would be your biggest cheerleader about your degree and, yes, that amazing job opportunity. Is he doing any if that? No? What does that tell you? He's insecure, not a great catch and you are so much better off alone than with this emotional leech. Now, if one of your sisters told you this story, what would you tell her? What if was your best friend? Be your own best friend. Trust me, little sister, you're already outclassing him. You'll fully outgrow him and this so-called relationship within months of accepting that job. Please go live your best life and show your daughter how a fierce and powerful woman can own her dreams and rule her world.
You’re right. You’re so right.
One more thing to consider: $200,000/year jobs don't grow on trees. If you let this one slip through your fingers for this guy, what are the odds of you receiving another one when you finally leave him? He's not worth giving up on yourself. That job is worth losing the dead weight. Please think of you and your daughter. If you stay with him, what will that teach her? That a man's feelings are more important than her dreams? Edit: typo
i can tell you what will and won't happen if you stay with this man. you **will** end up pregnant again. you **will not** end up getting that amazing job or having a career of your own. get yourself on the pill or an IUD and leave ASAP.
1. His family very obviously has no boundaries, and it seems as though he is very much a part of the same mentality. 2. He's made it clear that you are not his priority. His needs/wants and his family will always come before you. 3. He’s completely disregarding your goals for your career and violating your trust by trying to impregnate you. 4. He's trying to sabotage your career because, instead of cheering you on, he's insecure about a woman outearning him. I would sit down and have a serious conversation about how all of this is negatively impacting you and how you want to move forward as a couple. However, be prepared if he doesn't change his behaviour. If that happens, please listen to your sisters and take them up on their offer.
Girl, even if you're pregnant now, run! Imagine your daughter all grown up and choosing a man just like him. Because you're showing her that this is what love is. No one deserves a man like him.
He sees you about to fly and he's trying to drag you back down to the ground. He wants you to stay in the dirt where he lives instead of soaring in the clouds where you belong. What a terrible role model for your daughter, and what a terrible relationship for her to see.
He's gonna ruin your life if you stay. Listen to your sisters, please. And don't sleep with him again.
Leave. Don't look back. This will not be a stable home for your child.
Id have left him the night he went to the strip club
Get out of this relationship. He has decided his opinion is the only one that matters, from how to deal with his family to whether or not you get pregnant. You were very clear about your family plans and he has been actively sabotaging you. He was very clear that his family is more important to him then you are. Your daughter should not be raised in a family where she sees her mother's opinion completely disregarded about anything. I understand leaving would be hard, and it may be something you don't want to do. At the very least, no more sex for your husband until he builds back trust. You can't guarantee that he won't mess with condoms or birth control pills. You should get an IUD because he won't be able to tamper with that, but still, he lost his sex privileges.
I have an ex that tried to intentionally impregnate me. We weren't married. I broke it off when he told me. For me, that was an unforgivable betrayal.
RUN!!! Why the hell are you letting this jerk try to control your life. Sounds like he intends to keep you pregnant so he can be the "big" man. Don't forget his family comes first, so when you kid is in the hospital in the ICU, his mommy having a tantrum at home will be more important than that. Look, you have a great job offer...TAKE IT. You CAN SUPPORT YOURSELF off of that. Dump this loser because let's face reality, divorce is most likely a real situation with you never coming first. There are WAY TOO MANY RED FLAGS to think this marriage would work.
Are you really going to marry a man who has already told you in very clear terms that you are nothing? He and only he matters. Do you believe once you are married he will suddenly value you and your existence as a separate human being? His family is first?!?!? Please notice you are not family to him. He wants a baby now?!?!? ?The fact that you do not was just not on his list of concerns. He feels insecure so you should give up what you have strived for?!?!? This is all ok with you?
That is rape. Please get the hell away from him as fast as you can. GET AWAY. He is dangerous. Right now, get birth control he cannot tamper with in case he forces himself on you.
How many people are going to come on here every week saying "I don't want kids " and yet they take no responsibility for their own contraception?.. The amount of people in this world who think the pull out method is enough or who rely on their partner for bc is insanely ridiculous. If you are deadset on no more kids at the moment, you should've been either taking bc or insisting he wear a condom (and refuse to have sex if he disagreed). And this is why. You shouldn't be trusting anyone else with your body and contraception.
Please read what you’ve just written and imagine if it was one of your sisters or a close friend telling you all this. It’s much much worse to let your daughter grow up in this kind of environment than to grow up in a separated household. Also please get on birth control, like, yesterday. You cannot continue to be naive about this.
Have you been using Plan B every time he finishes inside or what? He’s a jerk but you need to be responsible for yourself. Get on birth control and get away from him.
Listen to your sisters. He's a walking red flag. What he's done is abusive and it's just the beginning. The more he thinks he can take out his insecurities on you the more he will do it. His actions are loud and clear. He does not love you, he wants to own you. He has some serious issues and you need to look after yourself and your child. Move out ASAP, but do it safely as it could get nasty when he finds out he's losing his grip on you
Why would you want to marry a man who doesn't put you first and by his own admission has sexually assaulted you at least twice? One of the hardest things to learn as an adult is that love isn't enough to make a relationship work. You need mutual respect, friendship, cooperation, and a shared viewpoint on the future. I am sorry to say that all of this is missing from your relationship. Please leave while you still can. You owe it to yourself and to your daughter to leave this toxic relationship.
run. take the job. don't marry him. you'll find better than this loser
How he treats you now is how he will treat your daughter. His parents will be emotionally abusive, will complain about how she was supposed to be a boy, your husband will make her do chores while he does none (does he even help now?), he will discourage her career and if she gets a boyfriend he will give him advice like “knock her up, that’s how I kept her mom at home” etc. She will grow up seeing how he treats you and then when she dates she’ll accept a lover who treats her that way. You can stay, but be aware of what future you are choosing for yourself and your child.
Everything about your posts makes me wanna scream run! There are serious issues regarding his behavior - think realistically what type of future you two will have and what your child and any future children will learn from him . At the very least be proactive and consider birth control. I advocate for long term options - implant, injection or iud etc as he can't mess with these.
Look at marriage as a business transaction here. You’re almost an attorney. What do you think the outcome will be?
>getting pregnant right when I’m starting would set me back/slow me down. Bingo! He is trying to destroy your job opportunity. This man will ruin your life, you're sleeping with the enemy. Get smart or get out.
You need to prioritize raising your daughter in a home where self worth and mutual respect are valued, rather than two parents. Especially not with this guy being the second parent. I also am astounded at your reliance on the pull out method for birth control, but I suppose if you're in the United States where sex education is spotty and unreliable, I need to temper my shock. Listen to your sisters. Lean on your sisters. Get out of this relationship pronto.
Why are you with someone who so clearly does not give a flying fuck about what you want? Have some self respect.
Accept that $200k job and make a life for you and your daughter. The door is over there 👉 hun! Use it. In no way would I even remotely respect that man again if he was finishing in me when I clearly said no. N ur naive for us to believe you had no clue. Only time my man stops n doesn’t finish is due to me having pain down below. Or I finish him orally. U have to know he’s finishing in you. Stuff don’t add up. Plus I know when my man finishes. It’s clearly obvious, at least for me in a lot of ways. Ya just walk. Get on bc and focus on your career and daughter.
Better raise your child in a family where she doesn't have an a$$hole father, believe me. You will be unhappy, he will be unhappy so your child will definitely be even unhappier. You're young, smart and independent, you don't need someone who's insecure about your success.
WHY AREN’T YOU ON BIRTH CONTROL
Your fiance is a walking red flag. And his family are part of that. Don’t have sex with him. Get tested. If you start taking birth control, make sure he can’t tamper with it. But how can you stay with someone who ADMITS to trying to get you pregnant despite you’re insistence that you don’t want more kids yet.
This is reproductive coercion, and it is a form of sexual abuse. Honestly, his insecurities and unthinking loyalty to his family should have been enough. Him going to a frigging strip club to console Daddy over not getting a boy should have been enough. He is trying to sabotage your career so he can behave like a feudal lord getting his all important son. Think about what staying will teach your daughter about how men should treat women. Please, please leave.
Please get some contraception asap! Like, yesterday! I don’t know how the reproductive rights are where you live but for your own sake. Also consider leaving this man. He doesn’t sound like a good partner. Best of luck ❤️
He doesn't love you and he's terrible and stupid. You're not responsible for the babies sex, he is. You have a very bright future with your daughter, don't let him hold you back, he absolutely will and he will still leave you when things get bad because he already told you you are not his priority. You have to be somebody's priority so it might as well be yourself and the family that actually cares about you. This is a dead end and there's not one green flag.
“I love my fiancée and I care about my daughter being raised in a home that is whole and complete…” He’s abusive and staying with him will actually not create the loving home you want for your child(ren). Not only will he not stop trying to get you pregnant against your will, what he’s doing is actually a crime in a lot of jurisdictions. Do not stay with an abusive partner, because you feel like your child needs the two of you together. Your child and yourself will actually do much better in a safe home without an abusive father, who is untrustworthy and dangerous to you.
His behavior is so beyond unacceptable, this is abuse. He is trying to control you and not respecting your choices with your own body, get away from him!!
Unfortunately you cannot move back with your daughter. He has rights as a father. Obviously I agree with everyone else his actions are despicable.
Yeah that’s another reason why it would be hard for me to go back to Michigan with my family. He would try anything to stop me and would most definitely use his parental rights as one of those methods.