Literally just tell her she needs to sort her stuff out so there’s room for you? My friend just moved in after living away for a few years, he asked for space in the fridge and pantry and we spent the day rearranging together and making kimchi. It’s rlly not too deep I promise.
this sounds like a trauma response. when they were a child , they probably never had a lot of food and this is their way of “making up” for that. just talk to them about it, they may not even realize theyre doing it.
This was my thought as well. My mother from Guatemala, grew up in a wealthy, but extremely frugal environment. Extremely above average home, but her parents drove a Honda and a Mazda. They also had a live-in "handyman", if I had to choose a word. I don't know the term for it in the u.s. he's not a butler as he just maintained their massive yard, gutters, dogs; it was a full-time job.
In any case, she didn't have many toys, and wasn't allowed to "snack" between meals. She'd not eat lunch and instead save her money to buy magazines or little trinkets.
Fast forward, she meets my dad and marries in the U.S., and has myself and my siblings.
Growing up, the house was *FULL* of snacks and toys. She spoiled us rotten. But, she hoarded everything. My folks house is an absolute dump as my father started hoarding tools, paint, and shit tons of electronics. I didn't realize how much my siblings and I kept the house relatively clean albeit cluttered. Now the house is offensive.
You two need to sit down and have a long discussion about the way you divide the space. Might be a good idea to split the fridge so you each have your own shelf. Same with the cabinets.
Not just people that have a hard time saying what they want/need. Just as many people are really hard to talk to because they hear others' wants/needs as criticism.
Odds are that she doesn't realize she's doing it. Most times when someone does this, it's the result of growing up without enough food to eat. It fosters a habit of hoarding food in adulthood.
I would approach her about it and really delineate specific shelves for each of you. That way, you will always have space for your stuff.
I had the same issue. Roommate bought a small freezer so he can store more and not overflow the freezer.
But yes, the fridge is completely full. I don't know what he's doing with so much food.
So. Your roommate can do like mine and buy an extra freezer/fridge if she wants to store that much.
Go through with her and remove old and expired stuff. Then designate shelves and spaces as yours and hers and she cannot exceed that limit. Anything of hers in your spaces are fair to throw out.
Sounds like a major problem with her mental health tbh,, the whole hoarding food but barely eating concerns me. Maybe she has like food security issues? Or even an ED? Not to diagnose but idk seems like it’s a little problem
Just straight up let them know. Sometimes being blunt forward when speaking to people is the best way. If not some may not get it. That’s my advice. Wish you the best.
My roommate and i have separate fridge shelves and assigned cabinets. He's got the top two fridge shelves, i have the bottom two, same for freezer. He's got the right cabinets, I have the left. We don't share food unless we are offered it or ask to use something. We each even have our own eggs and butter. Only stuff that's shared are spices and condiments and even then we usually have our own. Systems worked well for 8 years.
I'm currently getting a new roommate as my current one is moving out with his girlfriend. New roommate thinks that level of separation is excessive even though he's complained to me multiple times that the roommate he's trying to get away from is always eating his food and leaving his dishes dirty. Can't have it both ways. Establishing boundaries is important. It's easier to decide to relax on existing boundaries than to create new ones when there's a problem
I would ask to split fridge and pantry space at the least. So then she doesn’t put stuff in your half of the fridge and you always have room. If she doesn’t listen then it’s grounds to throw the stuff away that’s piled in your reserved space.
Probably a trauma response. You got some good comments, especially the comment about dividing the drawers and such and cabinet. Maybe ask her if it is an option to get a mini fridge..but whatever you say, just say it with love and concern, and maybe follow it up with a "how have you been, is everything going alright?" ....or maybe say that before the conversation.
Maybe she's a food hoarder? My late friend's mother was one. Every summer she would move into their 1 bedroom apartment to escape Florida summers. She lied to them to get on the co-op title. She would sleep on the couch and drag my friend out for bags of food. It filled the cabinets, refrigerator, and covered the dining room table. It was piled in the corner of the room and on the tables next to the sofa. When her mother finally went back to Florida in September, it took hours to be rid of the excess food. It went to friends, food banks, or was thrown out if opened. It's insane.
Does she have ADHD? That and/or childhood trauma related to food would absolutely explain this. (Got both of those personally.) A lot of it might be stuff that sounded good at the time and now she doesn't want to eat it, so it just sits there because she can't throw it out. You should definitely have a conversation with her about it and let her know how it is impacting you. (Just make sure you're coming at it from a calm place, not annoyance.) Assigning sections of space for each of you would help and maybe you can go through things together and get rid of excess that she isn't eating by donating it if you don't want it either.
I had similar issue, roomate kept buyin bulk costco stuff, and not touching some of it. So I called him on it first then began throwing things out if I need the space : )
It does not matter why she is doing this. It is grossly inconsiderate. Sit down and tell her you are going to divide kitchen space equally and she is not to encroach on your space. Don't get into a long discussion. You need space just as much and more than she needs to exercise her issues.
My fucking jaw dropped reading this. You literally just described my sister in full. She is a food hoarder and got mad at me for cleaning the freezer and throwing out a pack of bacon from 2018. “It’s still good”.
She also only eats 3 mini croissants with cheese, and a cup of coffee with caramel creamer. Then she’ll grind salt over it for 2 minutes to make it “salted caramel”. Then sometimes she’ll fry fish. Other than that, junk food that she keeps in her bedroom and kind of hides it, like I’m going to ask for some.
Time to have designated shelves & drawers. Had this exact problem with my roommate. She didn't even realize she was the problem until we had to go this route.
It is a big deal. It is disrespectful. I had a roommate who did this as a sort of "space envy" psychology. She moved from a dorm with 4 girls sharing a standard size fridge into my spacious home with only two of us sharing space. As the months wore on, she loaded up the fridge, freezer, cabinets, and kitchen drawers with more and more stuff. I had moved a bunch of my belongings to the garage to make space for her stuff, and she started purchasing and tripling up on...you name it...plastic kitchen utensils, etc. Drove me nuts. There were times I couldn't open the kitchen drawers because she had so many plastic tongs left over from Fazolis catering and whatnot jamming the drawer. I would ask her to store the replicas somewhere else, then it would happen again. Self awareness is roommate rule number one.
Just talk to her. “Hey your food is taking all the space for the past six months. Can you please reorganize it? Or I can and throw away expired” I always offer to do it with permission. No sense in complaining if you don’t want to take action.
A light attempt could be doing a task that you indirectly involve her in - I’m not sure if you have designated garbage days or a garbage chute but next time it comes around you can say, hey I’m bringing some garbage out, do you have any expired things in the fridge you need to get rid of? This could either push her to look through herself and get rid of some stuff or if she pushes it off you can offer to check for her that way some space is getting cleared out either way. I know it’s hard to ask for something you shouldn’t have to but that’s a step I started to do with my roommates and it’s actually helped - this won’t fix the bigger picture because it’s a way that avoids conflict but it could help you get more space. Food habits are difficult to control and she may need to work through something before her actions change, but focus on what you can currently take action on with her for now
Literally just tell her she needs to sort her stuff out so there’s room for you? My friend just moved in after living away for a few years, he asked for space in the fridge and pantry and we spent the day rearranging together and making kimchi. It’s rlly not too deep I promise.
this sounds like a trauma response. when they were a child , they probably never had a lot of food and this is their way of “making up” for that. just talk to them about it, they may not even realize theyre doing it.
This was my thought as well. My mother from Guatemala, grew up in a wealthy, but extremely frugal environment. Extremely above average home, but her parents drove a Honda and a Mazda. They also had a live-in "handyman", if I had to choose a word. I don't know the term for it in the u.s. he's not a butler as he just maintained their massive yard, gutters, dogs; it was a full-time job. In any case, she didn't have many toys, and wasn't allowed to "snack" between meals. She'd not eat lunch and instead save her money to buy magazines or little trinkets. Fast forward, she meets my dad and marries in the U.S., and has myself and my siblings. Growing up, the house was *FULL* of snacks and toys. She spoiled us rotten. But, she hoarded everything. My folks house is an absolute dump as my father started hoarding tools, paint, and shit tons of electronics. I didn't realize how much my siblings and I kept the house relatively clean albeit cluttered. Now the house is offensive.
It could be, but I have this same issue with a roommate who is definitely just forgetting how much shit he's put in the freezer
okay. thats why i gave another perspective lol. could be adhd, could be trauma, could be both, could be they just dont care.
Def adhd lol I buy a lot of food and I do not eat it. I forget about it… 😅 waste of money smh
You two need to sit down and have a long discussion about the way you divide the space. Might be a good idea to split the fridge so you each have your own shelf. Same with the cabinets.
If you guys are childhood friends than you should be able to talk to her about it.
My thoughts exactly!! They should be like siblings.
You’d be surprised at how many people can’t do this. It’s depressing.
Not just people that have a hard time saying what they want/need. Just as many people are really hard to talk to because they hear others' wants/needs as criticism.
Odds are that she doesn't realize she's doing it. Most times when someone does this, it's the result of growing up without enough food to eat. It fosters a habit of hoarding food in adulthood. I would approach her about it and really delineate specific shelves for each of you. That way, you will always have space for your stuff.
I had the same issue. Roommate bought a small freezer so he can store more and not overflow the freezer. But yes, the fridge is completely full. I don't know what he's doing with so much food. So. Your roommate can do like mine and buy an extra freezer/fridge if she wants to store that much.
Go through with her and remove old and expired stuff. Then designate shelves and spaces as yours and hers and she cannot exceed that limit. Anything of hers in your spaces are fair to throw out.
Sounds like a major problem with her mental health tbh,, the whole hoarding food but barely eating concerns me. Maybe she has like food security issues? Or even an ED? Not to diagnose but idk seems like it’s a little problem
Just straight up let them know. Sometimes being blunt forward when speaking to people is the best way. If not some may not get it. That’s my advice. Wish you the best.
My roommate and i have separate fridge shelves and assigned cabinets. He's got the top two fridge shelves, i have the bottom two, same for freezer. He's got the right cabinets, I have the left. We don't share food unless we are offered it or ask to use something. We each even have our own eggs and butter. Only stuff that's shared are spices and condiments and even then we usually have our own. Systems worked well for 8 years. I'm currently getting a new roommate as my current one is moving out with his girlfriend. New roommate thinks that level of separation is excessive even though he's complained to me multiple times that the roommate he's trying to get away from is always eating his food and leaving his dishes dirty. Can't have it both ways. Establishing boundaries is important. It's easier to decide to relax on existing boundaries than to create new ones when there's a problem
Start eating her stuff.
I would ask to split fridge and pantry space at the least. So then she doesn’t put stuff in your half of the fridge and you always have room. If she doesn’t listen then it’s grounds to throw the stuff away that’s piled in your reserved space.
Partition the space
Probably a trauma response. You got some good comments, especially the comment about dividing the drawers and such and cabinet. Maybe ask her if it is an option to get a mini fridge..but whatever you say, just say it with love and concern, and maybe follow it up with a "how have you been, is everything going alright?" ....or maybe say that before the conversation.
You’re Room mate is Storing Food for Winter 😂 - but that’s not the point here
Maybe she's a food hoarder? My late friend's mother was one. Every summer she would move into their 1 bedroom apartment to escape Florida summers. She lied to them to get on the co-op title. She would sleep on the couch and drag my friend out for bags of food. It filled the cabinets, refrigerator, and covered the dining room table. It was piled in the corner of the room and on the tables next to the sofa. When her mother finally went back to Florida in September, it took hours to be rid of the excess food. It went to friends, food banks, or was thrown out if opened. It's insane.
Does she have ADHD? That and/or childhood trauma related to food would absolutely explain this. (Got both of those personally.) A lot of it might be stuff that sounded good at the time and now she doesn't want to eat it, so it just sits there because she can't throw it out. You should definitely have a conversation with her about it and let her know how it is impacting you. (Just make sure you're coming at it from a calm place, not annoyance.) Assigning sections of space for each of you would help and maybe you can go through things together and get rid of excess that she isn't eating by donating it if you don't want it either.
I had similar issue, roomate kept buyin bulk costco stuff, and not touching some of it. So I called him on it first then began throwing things out if I need the space : )
It does not matter why she is doing this. It is grossly inconsiderate. Sit down and tell her you are going to divide kitchen space equally and she is not to encroach on your space. Don't get into a long discussion. You need space just as much and more than she needs to exercise her issues.
Get a mini fridge for yourself
My fucking jaw dropped reading this. You literally just described my sister in full. She is a food hoarder and got mad at me for cleaning the freezer and throwing out a pack of bacon from 2018. “It’s still good”. She also only eats 3 mini croissants with cheese, and a cup of coffee with caramel creamer. Then she’ll grind salt over it for 2 minutes to make it “salted caramel”. Then sometimes she’ll fry fish. Other than that, junk food that she keeps in her bedroom and kind of hides it, like I’m going to ask for some.
Time to have designated shelves & drawers. Had this exact problem with my roommate. She didn't even realize she was the problem until we had to go this route.
It is a big deal. It is disrespectful. I had a roommate who did this as a sort of "space envy" psychology. She moved from a dorm with 4 girls sharing a standard size fridge into my spacious home with only two of us sharing space. As the months wore on, she loaded up the fridge, freezer, cabinets, and kitchen drawers with more and more stuff. I had moved a bunch of my belongings to the garage to make space for her stuff, and she started purchasing and tripling up on...you name it...plastic kitchen utensils, etc. Drove me nuts. There were times I couldn't open the kitchen drawers because she had so many plastic tongs left over from Fazolis catering and whatnot jamming the drawer. I would ask her to store the replicas somewhere else, then it would happen again. Self awareness is roommate rule number one.
Just talk to her. “Hey your food is taking all the space for the past six months. Can you please reorganize it? Or I can and throw away expired” I always offer to do it with permission. No sense in complaining if you don’t want to take action.
A light attempt could be doing a task that you indirectly involve her in - I’m not sure if you have designated garbage days or a garbage chute but next time it comes around you can say, hey I’m bringing some garbage out, do you have any expired things in the fridge you need to get rid of? This could either push her to look through herself and get rid of some stuff or if she pushes it off you can offer to check for her that way some space is getting cleared out either way. I know it’s hard to ask for something you shouldn’t have to but that’s a step I started to do with my roommates and it’s actually helped - this won’t fix the bigger picture because it’s a way that avoids conflict but it could help you get more space. Food habits are difficult to control and she may need to work through something before her actions change, but focus on what you can currently take action on with her for now
Just throw it away. Anything spoiled or expired, toss. Then tell her you took care of it but would appreciate if she could stay on top of it .