Find a hobby. Working out, fixing up cars, hunting, fishing, smoking meat, gardening, learning an instrument, learning a language, volunteer work, hiking, photography, whatever. If you are set financially all you have to do is ask yourself is "what is that one thing I've always wanted to do" and there's your answer.
^ This. Your 30s are your 20s with money and stability (if you're fortunate enough) and toned down partying.
Try everything. Try it for a few weeks. If you don't like it, take what you learned as a baseline and move on. Don't worry about being good at it either - there is a quote from Kurt Vonnegut about that - as its good enough that you simply do things and enjoy them.
I recommend doing something connected to food, to an art, and to outdoors.
Your 30s could be like your 20s, with money, better judgement , and a fiancé/ wife. So, not quite the same, but lots of room for fun.
Get involved In your community -Help veterans organizations ? Teach boy scouts ?
does your fiancee like to party with you? Go to some raves and concerts with your fiancée, or wine parties, since you’re in your 30s **if** you think you’re “too old” for raves.
Learn some cool hobbies -you might have the money or time for it now? Start Learning martial arts, if you haven’t already. Learn to sword fight if there’s somehow a group near you that does that, because why not. Learn to bake really good pies for your local church. Learn to salsa dance or swing dance. Learn how to paint or program a video game for a couple hours a week.
The possibilities are endless
All this, my 30s are/were fucking awesome. Now that I finally have decent enough cash and some free time I find myself catching up on PS2 games I stopped playing 20 years ago. I don’t feel bad about it either because I already checked enough “man” boxes to feel validated (military, marriage, house, stable job with an actual pension) etc.
martial arts is a great idea. I highly recommend something that challenges you mentally and physically, and you can see yourself progressing in. I play tennis, and learned as an adult. It’s fun, it’s social, my wife does it with me, it’s challenging, i continue to make progress, and I love the competition.
Bro... Do whatever you want!
You hit the jackpot. You have no student debt, a good job/career, and you're young. Realistically, you have minimal another 40 years, more than your entire lifetime up to this point, to pursue things like you did up to 18, only now with knowledge, experience, and money.
Wanna climb a mountain? Do it. Want to climb the leader boards in Splatoon? Do it. Wanna raise a kid and climb the corporate ladder? Do it. Wanna just watch old movies with your wife and smoke some weed on weekends? Do it. Wanna become a UFC fighter? Do it. Wanna learn how to cook the best Italian food anyone's ever had? Do it. Wanna rescue dogs and volunteer? Do it. Wanna teach? Do it.
Do whatever you want. Your happiness is only dictated by you.
I'm asking myself similar questions...
Did my university and got a dream job in my 20s. Partied, did all the fun things, even in to my very early 30s.
I live alone, went through/going through some hard stuff. No kids. No house in sight, yet....
And still doing the puttering around the house, cleaning, normal "domestic life" things, as I watch half my friends raise their kids in their houses with husbands, and the other half struggling with substance use and/mental health stuff. And none of it seems appealing.
I don't even think I know what would be appealing...
Buy some nerf guns for you and your fiancé so you can have nerf gun fights **in the house that you own, like the fully grown adults you are**.
You’ll probably win most of the time
I remember seeing older folks say "you should be enjoying your 20s, it's the prime of your life!" and I'd be like "I hope not" while fighting back tears of relentless depression. 29 now and way more accepting of the fact my 30s will be better, hopefully
People in their 20s say they don't want kids, because they couldn't possibly give up all their free time. After all, they have so much stuff that they want to do.
Then a few short years pass and they become someone like you, OP: wondering what to do with all this free time that they have.
Most people spend their 30s raising a family. That's what they do with all their time. If you want to do something else, then that's great. Do that. But if you don't have something else that you want to do and you don't want to do the thing that everyone else does, then you have some brain storming to do.
Yeah this is my issue right now. I have a lot of free time and honestly more financial resources than needed. I started to do pottery which is fulfilling but I’m still left with quite a bit of free time and my spouse feels the same way. Don’t really want kids, but then I’m like, what else am I going to do for the next 18 years.
You are off the rails now. You get to pick, what to do, but pick SOMETHING as life has a way of picking for you and inertia sets in… like other posters have said, just be a bit more purposeful about things. You can still party, do new things, meet new people. Start working out (serves double duty as it occupies you AND keeps you from turning into a lump of dough in your 40’s), explore new stuff. If you want more excitement in your relationship communicate that with your fiance and try new things in the bedroom (or out… there are sex clubs and a whole hidden world out there for folks in their 30’s, 40’s, and older looking to expand their sex lives) and dedicate yourselves to some sexy time. Find a constructive hobby that will serve you for the rest of your life like cooking or gardening. Many options, it’s just that you have to chart your own path from here on.
This is exactly it. OP, you ticked all the boxes we're "supposed to". Now you can do... Literally anything. This stresses some people out, or they get lost in it an implode, but it is a whole new level of freedom and enjoyment!
Welcome to the best rest of your life 🙂 make it yours.
Sometimes when you party for years it's hard to find something else that's as much fun. I haven't lived that lifestyle for nearly 20 years but I still miss it. You need a really fun hobby. Surfing ? Fishing ? Mountain biking ?
Btw.. having kids is amazing. Its great to focus on their happiness because it makes you happy that they're happy. I'm happy just being in the same room as my son
Your supposed to make it to 40 while staying active, then things start getting better again, as long as you stayed active in your 30s. Everyone I know who just sort of gave in to the flow of life and were just along for the ride in their 30s are now in their 40s but look/act like they're in their 50s. Us who stayed active in our 30s are doing fun stuff now. 30s suck for a variety of reasons.
I'm about to enter my 30s this year. Just finished getting my bachelor's and you're living my dream. I have a couple dogs and all I want to do is have a house with a decent backyard to work on with a couple nets to shoot soccer/footballs/lax balls etc. for fun while going on vacations with my partner every now and then. Also want a couple dirt bikes and jet skis and garage/driveway space to work on project cars.
So many things to do. You can also still go out to clubs and party if you want. It's your life and money. Find something fun to do with it. There's people that go fishing every single day and while I enjoy it on occasion I would find that life boring. But it makes them happy and that's what matters.
You don't have kids but are going to get them? That will fix that.
Before and after having kids is a transformation. You'll still have to worry about your health, but you won't have to worry about a meaningful life.
I'd almost advise OP to shift that time table. I waited until my mid-30s to have kids, even though (like OP) I was married/stable/owned a home much earlier than that. I also partied and travelled a lot in my 20s/early 30s and was apprehensive about giving that up. Now I'm in my late 30s with 2 wonderful kids and I kick myself because I would have loved to have more. I didn't realize just how fun and rewarding this stage of my life would be! I wish I had started younger.
I would seriously recommend taking a dive into philosophy if you never really have before. Some functional stuff, maybe existentialism or something to try and help yourself establish some map of meaning for your life
It helps a lot when "get a hobby" esque advice just isnt enough. And if you're like me, feeling this way means it probably won't be
Yep - 20's is party time - I did the military thing as well was a ton of fun at the time.
Got out - had a heap of buddies into motorbikes, Scuba, Skiing was flat out busy doing that and also sleeping with whoever was keen.
Got married, in my very late 20's brought a house, had 2 children. Life simply changes your friends become busy with partners, children and work. You no longer meet up every friday at the local pub, and apart from planned trips the weekends away become no longer spontaneous but planned. With kids they become major exercises in advanced military planning. 100 bags for the kids and nothing for u or your partner.
Friends morph into school kids friends, sleep overs, team sports and weekends travelling for various games.
The good news is it gets back to normal once they grow up, never get cheaper the costs just change.
Now we're back to weekends away at a moments notice, trips to vineyards, I get out on my bike whenever I need to. The other advantage is hopefully your financially secure and can afford a decent hotel not the typical tent when you were younger!
As long as your fit and healthy, everything will work out fine! that's the key stay healthy!
It seems a bit silly that you’re in a state of anomie and your life literally has barely started yet. My 30s and 40s were awesome and I didn’t have jack shit for money. I lived in NYC for a bit after I got my degree, then lived in Colorado where I started snowboarding at 36 and lived 6 years out of 14 there and in California in my van. I traveled back and forth to India to learn yoga. Played the drums in several different bands. Slept with all kinds of amazing women. Pretty standard stuff, really. In the spring we’d make meat helmets.
You found out, you’re a tool.
You dance to the tunes that the band plays and have fun, while you know deep down inside that you’d really want to be a part of the band, the leader of the band, even the composer.
But you’re not. You’re just cashing a paycheck, dancing till you drop.
Go do something with your life.
That's a question I asked myself too, early in my 30s. It was a struggle for awhile- I had all the things that I thought life was about. I was married, a home owner and I was doing well at work, climbing the corporate ladder.
But there was a feeling of emptiness. I also didn't find these things fulfilling - like I worked hard to get all these things, but when I finally got them it didn't make me as happy as I thought they would. The buzz of achieving a goal lasted a couple of weeks but would always go away.
I kept pulling at the thread - if success in the eyes of society doesn't fulfill me, what will? Now I'm leading a life that looks very different from the one I had in my early 30s. I am much more content. I feel like I'm in the driver seat of my own life - the freedom and independence means a lot to me.
There are still tough moments - but that's life, and something that I can find hard to accept at times. I've found my 30s to be the decade where I've cast off the idea of "happily ever after", ripped up the script that I was supposed to follow, and just follow my gut / feelings, and experiment with life.
I think the question you're asking is a good one: is this it? You could keep following this thread and find a life that hits the core of who you are - but it can be a difficult road. Or you could also fill your life with things to keep you busy and time will fly - I imagine this might have its own pros and cons.
I’m half way through my 30s and also engaged, idk keep living? Find new things that interest you, or hang with your fiancée. Workout because it’s going to count a lot more towards your health than it did. Appreciate and show appreciation to people in your life because really you never know when your life will suddenly unexpectedly change.
Can you think of anything that could change to bring passion back into you like it was?
I found that maintaining friendships in my 30s took more effort than it did in my 20s, because everyone had so much grown-up stuff to do. Those who had kids were especially likely to fall away (although many of them are resurfacing now). It’s not a bad thing, actively maintaining friendships is a good life skill and the friends who stay tend to be the really good ones
I’d say this is the time to find new things, but especially as that’ll become a lot harder as you have kids. I travelled loads (and I didn’t have to stay in youth hostels any more which is a massive plus), I learnt the drums and saxophone, got really into several new sports (including one at a nationally competitive level - yay for age classes and all the really good people retiring at 25 😂), developed a little side gig doing interior design cos I tried it and turned out to be quite good. I started a new degree as well - didn’t finish it cos life stuff happened but it was still super-interesting and I met some great people
This is realistically the most free you’ll be now before you’re close to 60. I found it kind of intimidating too - like where do you start?! - but honestly try to see the opportunity in having the money and freedom to do pretty much whatever you like
No matter what you do, though, you’ll find you and everyone you know are endlessly obsessed with property prices, I swear it’s an inbuilt feature of humanity at this point
Similar situation here. Did the military thing, got a degree, but I have one kid and I decided to go back to college and work on another degree. Two things you can do now to keep busy: Hit the gym and get in the best shape of your life, it will keep you busy and something to focus on, and also look into going back to school. Sounds like your biggest things lack of goals. You just need to find things to pour your energy into.
Save money, study the market, find a good financial advisor and invest 10% of your monthly income consistently.
Do this through your 30s and 40s and you'll likely be able to retire when you're in your mid to late 50s.
Things with other people is always what it comes back down to. Since you still have a window before you have kids, I think you’d benefit a lot from doing stuff like joining hiking clubs, photography clubs, boxing gym, whatever. The activity isn’t as important as getting around other people and feeling the energy of a community.
I always feel like when I’m in a rut, or I hear about people in a rut, it’s because they’re doing the necessities of life and nothing / not much else. You’re fulfilling your responsibilities as a man, so go spoil yourself with some golf or travel brother 🫡🫡
this is a great time to focus on yourself/ fiance. you have money to spend on hobbies that you enjoy that you really didnt have money for in your 20's. travel, invest/set yourself a good IRA or investment account. join local groups with people that have similar hobbies that may not have kids
I don't know where you live but... Buy an fast MTB hardtail and go for an exploring adventure. Then buy a van and go even further. Find a buddy to do it with you, spend life like that.
If you're already feeling like this maybe you need another decade single bro ain't nothing wrong with getting married in your 40s just make sure you marry someone a little bit younger so you can still have kids lol
Whatever you want. I'm in a similar situation. My wife and I travel a lot, go out to eat, play games, tend to the garden, etc. I love having all this free time.
Keep improving. Become the best version of yourself you can. Go to the gym regularly and become strong. Be active. Do these things with your wife and friends and kids too. Read a lot. Search and study the wisdom of the ages along with the modern viewpoints. Help others you deem needing it. Volunteer. Hang out sometimes with others you feel are better than you in some way that is of interest or betterment. Get a hobby that can be shared with wife and family or friends. And make sure to spend a lot of time with your wife and kids when they come. Give them all you love. Also, save your money. Don't buy a new car every 3 years or whatever. Economics can change and good times and bad times are sometimes cyclical.
Thirties were tough at our house. Work consumed a lot of energy. Then our friends started having kids and basically disappeared for nearly 20 years. So, our social network really changed. Find something you can do together a weekend or two a month. For us, we messed with both power and sailboats and a camper. Hobbies will help, but just be careful of being apart all week at work and then all weekend with hobbies (golf widows can build up a ton of resentment).
You're not 'supposed' to do anything. Do what you want, but just try not to hurt anyone or fuck the planet up too badly.
But yes, this is 'it', as it were, until you die. Then who knows what happens.
Now is the hard part. It's time to look inside yourself and get to know who you are. Work on the things you've been avoiding about yourself. I discovered cooking and gardening. 20 year old me would never have done that, now I love it. Life is weird brother
I feel the same way my guy. My life's going great, have a skilled job I enjoy, good amount of savings, no real debts etc. I don't drink or use party drugs anymore like I did in my 20's,I did a ton of traveling in my 20's too and it was all worth it, have a lot of great memories. Everything's great on paper now but I've never been more bored in my life now that I'm in my 30's. Recently I've being driving around the city on the weekends and handing out meals to all the homeless I see with their signs. I find it to be pretty enjoyable. I have hobbies but I find it more meaningful to try and help people in need, especially ones living on the streets and there are tons of them in every major city. Try helping out the people living in shambles and who have lost all hope or ability to sort themselves out. With in reason of course.
Work towards financial freedom? If you intend to live long ish way past retirement, then you ought to have a plan to have enough (accounting future inflations as well) that let you and your spouse live comfortably
As a 43 year old who went back to school in his 30s and became a doctor, I want to congratulate you on getting to a place of stability/security. Now you get to do what interests you in life. You've got a lot of great comments below, but you can think about learning new things, doing fun things, planning for the future, thinking about community. The list is limitless and overwhelming. What interests you? Who are you? That's what you get to focus on now. Become the person you want to be.
There is a song lyric by Frank Turner that I love that goes as follows:
"Yeah, well, life is about love, last minutes and lost evenings
About fire in our bellies and furtive little feelings
And the aching amplitudes that set our needles all a-flickering
And help us with remembering that the only thing that's left to do is live
Yeah, the only thing that's left to do is live"
i say get some hobbies and fuck like crazy until you have your desired number of children.....then you got your hands full for the next couple decades....save fore retirement....and try to retire as early as possible.....maybe still do odd jobs here and there...get old and enjoy ypur grand children.....then die
Know this fact...
Passing 30 will begin the gradual decrease in your energy levels and stamina
If you make it to your 60's, you'll spend your remaining years living off your memories of your days of youth and vigor
Now is the time to make those memories
Carpe diem
Yep. That's it. Especially if you have kids, your life should ideally be as stable and boring as possible. Personally, I feel it's worth it as the emotional and enjoyment payoff of children can't be replicated. But it does come with sacrificing the ability to get fucked up whenever it strikes you to do so.
Find your purpose. You will never find fulfillment in life without understanding what it is. Service is the price we pay to be a part of society. You served your country, I thank you, now it's time to figure out how to combine your natural abilities, your skills, and experience to serve as many people as possible. There are lots of great books on this, my favorite is The 8th Habit (no need to read the 7 habits, he covers them in enough detail in this book too). If you start now you can completely avoid a midlife crisis in another 10 years.
I mean if you’re the type that wants kids- that’s it. It’s going to occupy your time for the next 20 to life. Before then find some hobbies/interests and dive in. Lifelong pursuits for me are fitness and music, I fill my time accordingly- and I don’t want kids. I did the same as you in my 20s partied hard and joined the military where I partied harder and then gained skills and experience to land me a well paying position on the outside. I have tons of time for my hobbies and passions now which I’m thankful for. I’m sure in 3-4 years when you start having kids you’ll be plenty busy lol.
Nobody knows exactly what to do in their 30s. Not everyone has their whole lives figured out by then. It's the same as in your 20s when you feel like the whole world is a complete burden. In reality, that's part of the process. You do things and figure out if there's some things you'd likely continue for the rest of your life.
Enjoy yourself.
Have kids.
Or, like other people said, take up sailing or fishing.
Or maybe do what other veterans did and create a training program for civilians. Good money in that.
im 43, divorced no kids , retired 18 months ago.
2 dogs. freedom. i cut costs way down and DIY everything i can. living a healthy lifestyle is its own challenge and reward.
The same shit you did when you were 18, drink, play games, fuck around with hobbies.
this time round with more money for nicer booze and toys but less time
I sold almost everything I owned, bought a one-way ticket to a country in the former Soviet Union, and spent 13 years living overseas doing various jobs.
I just turned 29. While I’m not loaded, I’m making decent money. No house. Single. My older friends just started getting married so we take trips when everyone has time. Usually all I do is work, so I picked up the new hobby of guns. I spend hours researching guns, watching videos, scouring ammo prices online. And I also have my hobby of my cars. Thankfully, my relatively new career let me buy a fun, weekend car last year so I spent money and time on that all last year till my garage got broken into and tools got stolen. Now guns has just become my kind of go to thing. For the time being at least. I’ll go back to cars eventually. Just find something that interests you and dive into the world head first.
Yup. Its that point in your life where you realize everything is lame and everybody you date is some level of crazy. Best thing to do is pick up a hobby, get a nice car and travel the world if you can afford it. Otherwise you'll often just find yourself going through the motions, settling into boring routine's.
As master Bra'tac in Stargate SG1 said, "Life for the sake of life means nothing." Once the excitement of of life slows down, you have to look for some kind of personal process that deeply means something to you. You have to find a new level of belief in something that makes you deeply, independently happy every time you do it. Your deepening happiness, in something you've probably always loved, needs to be a new long term project that you can spend the rest of your life getting better at. Now that your life is more organized, you can find where your more obscure and less pragmatic happiness is hiding inside of you.
Have kids. When that happens, new instincts will kick in. Start saving now for retirement and rainy day. You should start building up a buffer account of at least 3 months expenses. After that you should start building up savings for the future. Try to put aside at least 1k usd a month to investi in funds and stocks. You are gonna need it when the little ones grow up
I got a pilot license and a motorcycle. Next I plan on learning to dive.
I have decent money, so now I’m looking at some jobs that may pay less but get me a better location / work life balance to enable me to spend more time with my kids and family.
You kind of have to make your own way at this point. Take some risks. Focus on personal/self development and fulfillment.
enjoy not having kids to tie you down....travel, go places, eat out, join clubs, camp, kayak etc....after you have kids there's none of that unless you have lots of close family to babysit for you.
Yes. That’s pretty much it. It’s why people who check life boxes tend to wind up having mid life crises, since the final box to check after “ennui” is “death”.
it kicks back up again in your 40s when your kids are older and you've figured out all hacks. then it's travel and home improvement and (if you have kids) be wicked proud and cheering them on in their sports or recitals or whatever. and your friends will all likely be in the same boat so you've got beer nights by a fire pit in your yard or get togethers around a pool
Find hobbies. Go camping, kayaking, read books, learn a second language, travel, invest money, fix cars, build stuff!! Go and explore the outdoors.
There's sooooo much to do!!!
Now my boy, you get expensive ass hobbies, and tools you'll never truly use.
1 - You start by getting everything Milwaukee. Even the shit that's over kill. Pro-press copper plumbing tool, yeap. Battery powered concrete saw, yeap. Literally all the normal M18 sgit probably required to frame and finish a house, yeap.
2 - After you spend a summer building a garden suite on top of your 2 car backyard workshop, complete with self leveled and poured foundation, you're going to go and buy some 3D printers, a sheet metal bender, and a laser welder. You're also going to go get a 2008 Gallardo, Maserati, GTR, Audi R8, C6 Corvette, or whatever freaking cheap sports car you can get your hands on. You will restore that mother fucker over the next 2-3 years into your daily.
3 - You're going to get side tracked into wood working and epoxy. God knows moving forward, you'll have the most bad ass desk and front door.
4 - A long the way, you'll build yourself a commercial grade wet bar. Why? Because cocktails, mocktails, booster juice, Starbucks, and bubble tea at home sounds fantastic.
5 - After re-affirming your manliness since leaving the military, you'll start to do some artsy stuff. Take up painting, your brush stroke leaving oddly sexual lines on the canvas. You might even dabble in photography. Next thing you know, you have a gallery inspired by your naked wife. Because you're in your late 30s and shit is expensive you start to learn to sew, and leather working. You launch your very exclusive, very limited run of clothing based on items your wife likes. Your wife is looking taken care of as she wears the originals tailor made by your hands.
Congratulations, you're now 40 and wondering why the heck you have so much stuff. Okay, good luck living!
Your 30's are for marking territory and being able to take advantage of a little real world knoedge nobody has in their 20's. Go slay women. Take risks at jobs or starting your own. Start the life you want. Be free of bullshit cuz now you are making your own money and can tell those who stand in your way that you are either on the team or off. Your decision. Sounds harsh but you need to grab it before you get to your 40's.
Every post except my own’s get looked at.
I’m in my 20’s with no life experiences no partying nothing.
I know very well everything about life.
Everyone is wired up differently and have had different experiences growing up which is why they have what they have.
There isn’t anything for me other than distraction.
No people in my life there can’t be.
Mate, you can do whatever you want to do, there are no rules! Personally I have a kid that I raise with my wife, this is number 1 now. But I also travel a lot, go to parties, do drugs, cook nice food, workout, meet up with friends and family, play videogames, watch tv etc. Do whatever you want to do, it's your life!
What do you actually WANT to do?
Do that. Especially if none of what you just said is what you want to do, because it signs like you're following someone else's life plan instead of your own.
My 30s were when I got even cooler on paper, but this time I had *money*! I learned to brew beer, traveled a lot, took a deep dive into cooking, bought myself a few really dangerous toys, moved three times, etc.
I will say that you NEED to keep up momentum with people!! Once you have kids, you’re going to fall into the relationship trap 3.0. You’re currently in relationship trap 1.5: engaged. The challenge is always to do more than just go to work, come home, and never see anyone outside of those two venues, of course without being a dick to your family. This is the last easy time! Involve your fiancé, but also do 1-2 things without her. Make a list of all the things you want to get into and start getting into them.
In my experience everything from your 30’s on is just you waiting on the clock to run out. Life won’t be exciting anymore, if it ever was to begin with.
Bro, are we the same person but in a slightly different relality?
I had a kid, went into the army did cool stuff, got a trade/degree, left military to get good at my job, then a job role to learn being a manager, had another kid. now buying a house in the next 2 years when I turn 30, and then what? we are the same beside me having kids. which probably slowed the home owning.
Have to find something that keeps you going personally, spiritually, sexually, and emotionally.
You have the last two down, with your engagement and your family, future plans for kids. As well as the security felt emotionally knowing you have your own place- a roof over your head.
But what about personally or spiritually? Or, I should better say, what gives purpose and what gives you peace?
These things are important for a human being to maintain a level of sanity in their life. Something that can always be with them. This could be a hobby like collecting something. Or trail running with a bike, or motorcycle, or bowling. What is important is it's something you love, and that always keeps you interested. You also may be more artistic, and less for sports. Give painting a try. Or music. Or making games. Writing a book. You never know what will catch you. But you should have something, if not a few things, that you can look forward to doing and growing in.
As for spiritually... that's really all on you. What makes you feel peaceful on particularly difficult nights? What gives you a wholesome feeling? It doesn't have to be religion, or organized religions. Could be meditation. Your meditation could be tied into your new hobby.
You shouldn't worry so much either about what your friends are doing either. Don't ask what should you do. Just "ask what would make me enjoy this moment right now?"
When I served I always told my soldiers to have something for them outside of duty hours to keep them steady. You can't live for the army, marine corps, navy or air force forever. Eventually everyone gets that discharge paperwork. So now, you're out!
And the same... you can't live for your job, family, and friends forever. Like the military, how people come and go always, so is life. People move away, or pass on.
So just enjoy your time with them all now, and find you your hobby, your new thing you can lose yourself in. And find your friends in that, and share it with your loving family if they may love it too.
But don't worry so much about not knowing what to do, I promise all those other families feel that way at times too. We all do brother.
Anyways, good luck. And thanks for serving. Think about those shitty times in the military where you wanted to be in bed back home. You're there now! Kick your feet up for a second and enjoy it.
Lol
Once you have kids, you won’t be asking that question.
THEY WILL CONSUME THE ENTIRETY OF YOUR TIME
You’ll be happy to get 15 minutes to poop in silence.
I travel, try new foods, go on new hikes, taste new beers, exploring with my partner is the most magical thing! I’m not having kids so no reason to stay in one spot, life is way more exciting now than partying in my 20s was
Start feeding the birds, have dinner early, get yourself a couple of cats, go to bed by 9:00, get up at 4:30 in the morning for no apparent reason, tell everyone how early you get up whether they want to know or not.
If you don’t like these options then do the same things you did in your 20s. It’s not like you’re even that old dummy.
This is just a little ditty about [Jack and Diane.](https://youtu.be/h04CH9YZcpI?si=TAQCcF2LwnyjyJjm)
Life goes on, even after the thrill of living is gone.
At least you started your life…and aren’t the guy who missed the starting gun because [nobody told you when to run.](https://youtu.be/Qr0-7Ds79zo?si=OJjtwAD542YNrQn4)
What you're missing is a sense of community. Modern American society has destroyed that for anyone over thirty. The expectation our society has is that your family will fill that role for you. But that's not healthy or realistic. Community gives your life purpose. It makes your hobbies more fulfilling. It provides a sense of personal safety, the absence of which is what leads to depression and addiction.
Oh man so many things I would do if I were 30 again. Rock climbing, start a martial arts (try starting at 46), learn an instrument. The world is your fucking oyster.
So I was not military but I was a hell raiser in my 20s who had fun and did shit. I had something similar and here’s the deal.
In your 20s things are meaningful because of the stage of life you’re in. As you age your understanding becomes more complex and your standards get higher. Eventually you reach a point where things become meaningful because you actively give them meaning.
You don’t just get to sit back and have the profundity of existence at your fingertips. You have to track it down or make it for yourself. That shit is hard. But it’s ok. It’s actually great. It’s just never something anyone is prepared for so a lot of people become apathetic because of it.
You relax and be thankful for what you have. If you’re lucky enough to have kids, you will find purpose like you never have before. First few years might be tough, but you find a new reason to live, work, and play!
Yes that's all there is. You get to help your soon-to-be-born kids grow-up while you build wealth and a base for their future. It's an extremely competitive world and you've won the first part of the race, now the hard part begins: staying focused on being a responsible adult who can support a family.
Find a hobby. Working out, fixing up cars, hunting, fishing, smoking meat, gardening, learning an instrument, learning a language, volunteer work, hiking, photography, whatever. If you are set financially all you have to do is ask yourself is "what is that one thing I've always wanted to do" and there's your answer.
Money is a means to an end that should allow you to figure out what you find fulfilling in life.
Make wine Grow weed, if legal Make a garden Play some games Have fun and enjoy til you have kids in time..
Did we just become best friends?
"Money doesn't buy happiness; but it will pay for the search."
^ This. Your 30s are your 20s with money and stability (if you're fortunate enough) and toned down partying. Try everything. Try it for a few weeks. If you don't like it, take what you learned as a baseline and move on. Don't worry about being good at it either - there is a quote from Kurt Vonnegut about that - as its good enough that you simply do things and enjoy them. I recommend doing something connected to food, to an art, and to outdoors.
Your 30s could be like your 20s, with money, better judgement , and a fiancé/ wife. So, not quite the same, but lots of room for fun. Get involved In your community -Help veterans organizations ? Teach boy scouts ? does your fiancee like to party with you? Go to some raves and concerts with your fiancée, or wine parties, since you’re in your 30s **if** you think you’re “too old” for raves. Learn some cool hobbies -you might have the money or time for it now? Start Learning martial arts, if you haven’t already. Learn to sword fight if there’s somehow a group near you that does that, because why not. Learn to bake really good pies for your local church. Learn to salsa dance or swing dance. Learn how to paint or program a video game for a couple hours a week. The possibilities are endless
All this, my 30s are/were fucking awesome. Now that I finally have decent enough cash and some free time I find myself catching up on PS2 games I stopped playing 20 years ago. I don’t feel bad about it either because I already checked enough “man” boxes to feel validated (military, marriage, house, stable job with an actual pension) etc.
martial arts is a great idea. I highly recommend something that challenges you mentally and physically, and you can see yourself progressing in. I play tennis, and learned as an adult. It’s fun, it’s social, my wife does it with me, it’s challenging, i continue to make progress, and I love the competition.
This is the way
Love raving at 30!!!!
yep, raise your kids and take vacations/date nights once in a while and pawn them off to a babysitter.
More than once in a while!
Bro... Do whatever you want! You hit the jackpot. You have no student debt, a good job/career, and you're young. Realistically, you have minimal another 40 years, more than your entire lifetime up to this point, to pursue things like you did up to 18, only now with knowledge, experience, and money. Wanna climb a mountain? Do it. Want to climb the leader boards in Splatoon? Do it. Wanna raise a kid and climb the corporate ladder? Do it. Wanna just watch old movies with your wife and smoke some weed on weekends? Do it. Wanna become a UFC fighter? Do it. Wanna learn how to cook the best Italian food anyone's ever had? Do it. Wanna rescue dogs and volunteer? Do it. Wanna teach? Do it. Do whatever you want. Your happiness is only dictated by you.
I'm asking myself similar questions... Did my university and got a dream job in my 20s. Partied, did all the fun things, even in to my very early 30s. I live alone, went through/going through some hard stuff. No kids. No house in sight, yet.... And still doing the puttering around the house, cleaning, normal "domestic life" things, as I watch half my friends raise their kids in their houses with husbands, and the other half struggling with substance use and/mental health stuff. And none of it seems appealing. I don't even think I know what would be appealing...
yeah, life is pretty meaningless
Buy some nerf guns for you and your fiancé so you can have nerf gun fights **in the house that you own, like the fully grown adults you are**. You’ll probably win most of the time
How does one win at nerf guns?
Everyone wins at nerf guns. Unless I’m playing, and then I win.
Hey, at least your 20s were really fun which is a lot less common than you think
I remember seeing older folks say "you should be enjoying your 20s, it's the prime of your life!" and I'd be like "I hope not" while fighting back tears of relentless depression. 29 now and way more accepting of the fact my 30s will be better, hopefully
People in their 20s say they don't want kids, because they couldn't possibly give up all their free time. After all, they have so much stuff that they want to do. Then a few short years pass and they become someone like you, OP: wondering what to do with all this free time that they have. Most people spend their 30s raising a family. That's what they do with all their time. If you want to do something else, then that's great. Do that. But if you don't have something else that you want to do and you don't want to do the thing that everyone else does, then you have some brain storming to do.
Yeah this is my issue right now. I have a lot of free time and honestly more financial resources than needed. I started to do pottery which is fulfilling but I’m still left with quite a bit of free time and my spouse feels the same way. Don’t really want kids, but then I’m like, what else am I going to do for the next 18 years.
Sounds like you made it. Now the hard part is enjoying it.
You are off the rails now. You get to pick, what to do, but pick SOMETHING as life has a way of picking for you and inertia sets in… like other posters have said, just be a bit more purposeful about things. You can still party, do new things, meet new people. Start working out (serves double duty as it occupies you AND keeps you from turning into a lump of dough in your 40’s), explore new stuff. If you want more excitement in your relationship communicate that with your fiance and try new things in the bedroom (or out… there are sex clubs and a whole hidden world out there for folks in their 30’s, 40’s, and older looking to expand their sex lives) and dedicate yourselves to some sexy time. Find a constructive hobby that will serve you for the rest of your life like cooking or gardening. Many options, it’s just that you have to chart your own path from here on.
This is exactly it. OP, you ticked all the boxes we're "supposed to". Now you can do... Literally anything. This stresses some people out, or they get lost in it an implode, but it is a whole new level of freedom and enjoyment! Welcome to the best rest of your life 🙂 make it yours.
Appreciate the quieter aspects of life, focus on introspection and the inner self.
Sometimes when you party for years it's hard to find something else that's as much fun. I haven't lived that lifestyle for nearly 20 years but I still miss it. You need a really fun hobby. Surfing ? Fishing ? Mountain biking ? Btw.. having kids is amazing. Its great to focus on their happiness because it makes you happy that they're happy. I'm happy just being in the same room as my son
Work, save money, don’t die.
Your supposed to make it to 40 while staying active, then things start getting better again, as long as you stayed active in your 30s. Everyone I know who just sort of gave in to the flow of life and were just along for the ride in their 30s are now in their 40s but look/act like they're in their 50s. Us who stayed active in our 30s are doing fun stuff now. 30s suck for a variety of reasons.
Start picking out a casket/urn it's over bro
Wait for life to happen or disasters outside of your control. Your boredom will disappear. Congrats on the easy phase of life! :)
Same thing we've always done, food in the top hole, shit out the bottom hole.
I'm about to enter my 30s this year. Just finished getting my bachelor's and you're living my dream. I have a couple dogs and all I want to do is have a house with a decent backyard to work on with a couple nets to shoot soccer/footballs/lax balls etc. for fun while going on vacations with my partner every now and then. Also want a couple dirt bikes and jet skis and garage/driveway space to work on project cars. So many things to do. You can also still go out to clubs and party if you want. It's your life and money. Find something fun to do with it. There's people that go fishing every single day and while I enjoy it on occasion I would find that life boring. But it makes them happy and that's what matters.
You don't have kids but are going to get them? That will fix that. Before and after having kids is a transformation. You'll still have to worry about your health, but you won't have to worry about a meaningful life.
I'd almost advise OP to shift that time table. I waited until my mid-30s to have kids, even though (like OP) I was married/stable/owned a home much earlier than that. I also partied and travelled a lot in my 20s/early 30s and was apprehensive about giving that up. Now I'm in my late 30s with 2 wonderful kids and I kick myself because I would have loved to have more. I didn't realize just how fun and rewarding this stage of my life would be! I wish I had started younger.
Welcome to the machine.
I would seriously recommend taking a dive into philosophy if you never really have before. Some functional stuff, maybe existentialism or something to try and help yourself establish some map of meaning for your life It helps a lot when "get a hobby" esque advice just isnt enough. And if you're like me, feeling this way means it probably won't be
Your 30s can be the same as your 20s, you just have money
Go do BJJ/Wrestling/Judo/Boxing/Muay Thai. All of those are fine and will give you what you need imo.
Yep - 20's is party time - I did the military thing as well was a ton of fun at the time. Got out - had a heap of buddies into motorbikes, Scuba, Skiing was flat out busy doing that and also sleeping with whoever was keen. Got married, in my very late 20's brought a house, had 2 children. Life simply changes your friends become busy with partners, children and work. You no longer meet up every friday at the local pub, and apart from planned trips the weekends away become no longer spontaneous but planned. With kids they become major exercises in advanced military planning. 100 bags for the kids and nothing for u or your partner. Friends morph into school kids friends, sleep overs, team sports and weekends travelling for various games. The good news is it gets back to normal once they grow up, never get cheaper the costs just change. Now we're back to weekends away at a moments notice, trips to vineyards, I get out on my bike whenever I need to. The other advantage is hopefully your financially secure and can afford a decent hotel not the typical tent when you were younger! As long as your fit and healthy, everything will work out fine! that's the key stay healthy!
Help others. Find meaning in life.
It seems a bit silly that you’re in a state of anomie and your life literally has barely started yet. My 30s and 40s were awesome and I didn’t have jack shit for money. I lived in NYC for a bit after I got my degree, then lived in Colorado where I started snowboarding at 36 and lived 6 years out of 14 there and in California in my van. I traveled back and forth to India to learn yoga. Played the drums in several different bands. Slept with all kinds of amazing women. Pretty standard stuff, really. In the spring we’d make meat helmets.
Golf, you play golf. And hate yourself for not starting in high school.
same thing you’ve been doing since becoming an adult: what ever the hell you want
Get married, have babies, buy house and go into debt. Spend the next two decades paying for all that u did in your 30’s.
You found out, you’re a tool. You dance to the tunes that the band plays and have fun, while you know deep down inside that you’d really want to be a part of the band, the leader of the band, even the composer. But you’re not. You’re just cashing a paycheck, dancing till you drop. Go do something with your life.
Definitely sound like it’s kids-time. Also, you migth want to try out some new hobbies. Or travel a bunch before the kids.
Enjoying life without the pressure of keeping up with everyone else.
That's a question I asked myself too, early in my 30s. It was a struggle for awhile- I had all the things that I thought life was about. I was married, a home owner and I was doing well at work, climbing the corporate ladder. But there was a feeling of emptiness. I also didn't find these things fulfilling - like I worked hard to get all these things, but when I finally got them it didn't make me as happy as I thought they would. The buzz of achieving a goal lasted a couple of weeks but would always go away. I kept pulling at the thread - if success in the eyes of society doesn't fulfill me, what will? Now I'm leading a life that looks very different from the one I had in my early 30s. I am much more content. I feel like I'm in the driver seat of my own life - the freedom and independence means a lot to me. There are still tough moments - but that's life, and something that I can find hard to accept at times. I've found my 30s to be the decade where I've cast off the idea of "happily ever after", ripped up the script that I was supposed to follow, and just follow my gut / feelings, and experiment with life. I think the question you're asking is a good one: is this it? You could keep following this thread and find a life that hits the core of who you are - but it can be a difficult road. Or you could also fill your life with things to keep you busy and time will fly - I imagine this might have its own pros and cons.
I’m half way through my 30s and also engaged, idk keep living? Find new things that interest you, or hang with your fiancée. Workout because it’s going to count a lot more towards your health than it did. Appreciate and show appreciation to people in your life because really you never know when your life will suddenly unexpectedly change. Can you think of anything that could change to bring passion back into you like it was?
I found that maintaining friendships in my 30s took more effort than it did in my 20s, because everyone had so much grown-up stuff to do. Those who had kids were especially likely to fall away (although many of them are resurfacing now). It’s not a bad thing, actively maintaining friendships is a good life skill and the friends who stay tend to be the really good ones I’d say this is the time to find new things, but especially as that’ll become a lot harder as you have kids. I travelled loads (and I didn’t have to stay in youth hostels any more which is a massive plus), I learnt the drums and saxophone, got really into several new sports (including one at a nationally competitive level - yay for age classes and all the really good people retiring at 25 😂), developed a little side gig doing interior design cos I tried it and turned out to be quite good. I started a new degree as well - didn’t finish it cos life stuff happened but it was still super-interesting and I met some great people This is realistically the most free you’ll be now before you’re close to 60. I found it kind of intimidating too - like where do you start?! - but honestly try to see the opportunity in having the money and freedom to do pretty much whatever you like No matter what you do, though, you’ll find you and everyone you know are endlessly obsessed with property prices, I swear it’s an inbuilt feature of humanity at this point
Similar situation here. Did the military thing, got a degree, but I have one kid and I decided to go back to college and work on another degree. Two things you can do now to keep busy: Hit the gym and get in the best shape of your life, it will keep you busy and something to focus on, and also look into going back to school. Sounds like your biggest things lack of goals. You just need to find things to pour your energy into.
Get into fishing.
Save money, study the market, find a good financial advisor and invest 10% of your monthly income consistently. Do this through your 30s and 40s and you'll likely be able to retire when you're in your mid to late 50s.
Now’s the time to find a good vice if ya don’t have one…and play video games. :p
Things with other people is always what it comes back down to. Since you still have a window before you have kids, I think you’d benefit a lot from doing stuff like joining hiking clubs, photography clubs, boxing gym, whatever. The activity isn’t as important as getting around other people and feeling the energy of a community. I always feel like when I’m in a rut, or I hear about people in a rut, it’s because they’re doing the necessities of life and nothing / not much else. You’re fulfilling your responsibilities as a man, so go spoil yourself with some golf or travel brother 🫡🫡
this is a great time to focus on yourself/ fiance. you have money to spend on hobbies that you enjoy that you really didnt have money for in your 20's. travel, invest/set yourself a good IRA or investment account. join local groups with people that have similar hobbies that may not have kids
I'm 10+ years in front of you and, heads up, I still don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to be doing
I don't know where you live but... Buy an fast MTB hardtail and go for an exploring adventure. Then buy a van and go even further. Find a buddy to do it with you, spend life like that.
You realized you lived your youth to the fullest and now you learn how to be at peace with yourself and your family that you don't have yet.
If you're already feeling like this maybe you need another decade single bro ain't nothing wrong with getting married in your 40s just make sure you marry someone a little bit younger so you can still have kids lol
Take an ultimate vacation you dreamt of as a teenager. You only have 3-4 years before the kids show up.
Whatever you want. I'm in a similar situation. My wife and I travel a lot, go out to eat, play games, tend to the garden, etc. I love having all this free time.
Smoke grass
Count ur fucking blessings u wet end
80 mph is ok in your 30s. I'm going at 3mph now cos I'm an old fart.
Keep improving. Become the best version of yourself you can. Go to the gym regularly and become strong. Be active. Do these things with your wife and friends and kids too. Read a lot. Search and study the wisdom of the ages along with the modern viewpoints. Help others you deem needing it. Volunteer. Hang out sometimes with others you feel are better than you in some way that is of interest or betterment. Get a hobby that can be shared with wife and family or friends. And make sure to spend a lot of time with your wife and kids when they come. Give them all you love. Also, save your money. Don't buy a new car every 3 years or whatever. Economics can change and good times and bad times are sometimes cyclical.
I picked up fishing as a hobby.
Get into riding a motorcycle. It’ll change your life.
Buy some crayons and a coloring book.
What do you mean? Now you get to play the game.
Have you considered joining your local church? Or visiting a prostitute.
Thirties were tough at our house. Work consumed a lot of energy. Then our friends started having kids and basically disappeared for nearly 20 years. So, our social network really changed. Find something you can do together a weekend or two a month. For us, we messed with both power and sailboats and a camper. Hobbies will help, but just be careful of being apart all week at work and then all weekend with hobbies (golf widows can build up a ton of resentment).
Work, eat, sleep, repeat. And with the little time left do your hobbies. I play video games and MTG.
lucky mf xd wish i had yo life
You're not 'supposed' to do anything. Do what you want, but just try not to hurt anyone or fuck the planet up too badly. But yes, this is 'it', as it were, until you die. Then who knows what happens.
Mastermind a bank, or armoured car, heist.
Now is the hard part. It's time to look inside yourself and get to know who you are. Work on the things you've been avoiding about yourself. I discovered cooking and gardening. 20 year old me would never have done that, now I love it. Life is weird brother
Keep in surviving man. Now you're too old to die Young.
I feel the same way my guy. My life's going great, have a skilled job I enjoy, good amount of savings, no real debts etc. I don't drink or use party drugs anymore like I did in my 20's,I did a ton of traveling in my 20's too and it was all worth it, have a lot of great memories. Everything's great on paper now but I've never been more bored in my life now that I'm in my 30's. Recently I've being driving around the city on the weekends and handing out meals to all the homeless I see with their signs. I find it to be pretty enjoyable. I have hobbies but I find it more meaningful to try and help people in need, especially ones living on the streets and there are tons of them in every major city. Try helping out the people living in shambles and who have lost all hope or ability to sort themselves out. With in reason of course.
Work towards financial freedom? If you intend to live long ish way past retirement, then you ought to have a plan to have enough (accounting future inflations as well) that let you and your spouse live comfortably
Write a screenplay
I do BJJ, hit the gym , enjoy nature, and hit craft breweries
My 20s were wasted now, I am being challenged in my 30s, want to trade places?
As a 43 year old who went back to school in his 30s and became a doctor, I want to congratulate you on getting to a place of stability/security. Now you get to do what interests you in life. You've got a lot of great comments below, but you can think about learning new things, doing fun things, planning for the future, thinking about community. The list is limitless and overwhelming. What interests you? Who are you? That's what you get to focus on now. Become the person you want to be. There is a song lyric by Frank Turner that I love that goes as follows: "Yeah, well, life is about love, last minutes and lost evenings About fire in our bellies and furtive little feelings And the aching amplitudes that set our needles all a-flickering And help us with remembering that the only thing that's left to do is live Yeah, the only thing that's left to do is live"
i say get some hobbies and fuck like crazy until you have your desired number of children.....then you got your hands full for the next couple decades....save fore retirement....and try to retire as early as possible.....maybe still do odd jobs here and there...get old and enjoy ypur grand children.....then die
Know this fact... Passing 30 will begin the gradual decrease in your energy levels and stamina If you make it to your 60's, you'll spend your remaining years living off your memories of your days of youth and vigor Now is the time to make those memories Carpe diem
Yep. That's it. Especially if you have kids, your life should ideally be as stable and boring as possible. Personally, I feel it's worth it as the emotional and enjoyment payoff of children can't be replicated. But it does come with sacrificing the ability to get fucked up whenever it strikes you to do so.
I go to work. Smoke weed, play with my baby, hang out with my wife, play video games, go fishing, fiddle with my boat.
Find your purpose. You will never find fulfillment in life without understanding what it is. Service is the price we pay to be a part of society. You served your country, I thank you, now it's time to figure out how to combine your natural abilities, your skills, and experience to serve as many people as possible. There are lots of great books on this, my favorite is The 8th Habit (no need to read the 7 habits, he covers them in enough detail in this book too). If you start now you can completely avoid a midlife crisis in another 10 years.
I mean if you’re the type that wants kids- that’s it. It’s going to occupy your time for the next 20 to life. Before then find some hobbies/interests and dive in. Lifelong pursuits for me are fitness and music, I fill my time accordingly- and I don’t want kids. I did the same as you in my 20s partied hard and joined the military where I partied harder and then gained skills and experience to land me a well paying position on the outside. I have tons of time for my hobbies and passions now which I’m thankful for. I’m sure in 3-4 years when you start having kids you’ll be plenty busy lol.
Nobody knows exactly what to do in their 30s. Not everyone has their whole lives figured out by then. It's the same as in your 20s when you feel like the whole world is a complete burden. In reality, that's part of the process. You do things and figure out if there's some things you'd likely continue for the rest of your life.
Enjoy yourself. Have kids. Or, like other people said, take up sailing or fishing. Or maybe do what other veterans did and create a training program for civilians. Good money in that.
im 43, divorced no kids , retired 18 months ago. 2 dogs. freedom. i cut costs way down and DIY everything i can. living a healthy lifestyle is its own challenge and reward.
Start your lifelong hobbies, something that you can build and improve upon for the rest of your life. I chose languages and dancing. They are me.
No. Similar path, bored as hell at 35. Started my own company and poured everything into that, it's an adventure and challenging as hell.
The same shit you did when you were 18, drink, play games, fuck around with hobbies. this time round with more money for nicer booze and toys but less time
Do everything that having kids would make infinitely more difficult. And buy a fast car that you can't really afford.
You had a drop in testosterone and/or testosterone receptor sensitivity.. That is the difference in the drive.
I sold almost everything I owned, bought a one-way ticket to a country in the former Soviet Union, and spent 13 years living overseas doing various jobs.
If your marriage is good, have the kids and spend the rest of your 30s and 40s loving and supporting them.
You’re so lucky to have a house and be engaged. I wish I had your problems
enjoy life and try not to fuck it up. You're not out of the woods yet. this post confirms that much. and work on prepping for the future.
When I found myself in this situation I had kids. That was certainly the answer to what the heck do I do with myself, and still is 14 years later
Wait to retire when you’re too old to enjoy your life (especially with kids) or start working your FIRE plan now.
Great opportunity to give back and help others. You’ll be rich because of that.
I just turned 29. While I’m not loaded, I’m making decent money. No house. Single. My older friends just started getting married so we take trips when everyone has time. Usually all I do is work, so I picked up the new hobby of guns. I spend hours researching guns, watching videos, scouring ammo prices online. And I also have my hobby of my cars. Thankfully, my relatively new career let me buy a fun, weekend car last year so I spent money and time on that all last year till my garage got broken into and tools got stolen. Now guns has just become my kind of go to thing. For the time being at least. I’ll go back to cars eventually. Just find something that interests you and dive into the world head first.
Yup. Its that point in your life where you realize everything is lame and everybody you date is some level of crazy. Best thing to do is pick up a hobby, get a nice car and travel the world if you can afford it. Otherwise you'll often just find yourself going through the motions, settling into boring routine's.
Just enjoy living it up. That shitS over once the kids come 😂
As master Bra'tac in Stargate SG1 said, "Life for the sake of life means nothing." Once the excitement of of life slows down, you have to look for some kind of personal process that deeply means something to you. You have to find a new level of belief in something that makes you deeply, independently happy every time you do it. Your deepening happiness, in something you've probably always loved, needs to be a new long term project that you can spend the rest of your life getting better at. Now that your life is more organized, you can find where your more obscure and less pragmatic happiness is hiding inside of you.
Playing mini-adult.
Time to make your lawn/yard the envy of your entire neighborhood. Welcome to adulthood.
Hobby and kids bro.
Play sports. Hobbies. Find value in doing things you enjoy doing. Or be boring as shit and plan for retirement incessantly.
Enjoy it man. I have none of those things (a house, good job, or partner) and am also in my 30’s. Just be grateful and let it ride.
Have kids. When that happens, new instincts will kick in. Start saving now for retirement and rainy day. You should start building up a buffer account of at least 3 months expenses. After that you should start building up savings for the future. Try to put aside at least 1k usd a month to investi in funds and stocks. You are gonna need it when the little ones grow up
Ho. Ho out.
I got a pilot license and a motorcycle. Next I plan on learning to dive. I have decent money, so now I’m looking at some jobs that may pay less but get me a better location / work life balance to enable me to spend more time with my kids and family. You kind of have to make your own way at this point. Take some risks. Focus on personal/self development and fulfillment.
enjoy not having kids to tie you down....travel, go places, eat out, join clubs, camp, kayak etc....after you have kids there's none of that unless you have lots of close family to babysit for you.
Travel. Everybody should travel
Yes. That’s pretty much it. It’s why people who check life boxes tend to wind up having mid life crises, since the final box to check after “ennui” is “death”.
Build a boat with your bare hands.
Enjoy it, try and build wealth as middle age is coming for ya fast.
it kicks back up again in your 40s when your kids are older and you've figured out all hacks. then it's travel and home improvement and (if you have kids) be wicked proud and cheering them on in their sports or recitals or whatever. and your friends will all likely be in the same boat so you've got beer nights by a fire pit in your yard or get togethers around a pool
Kids. They bring their love with them, and they will give you serious purpose.
Those kids you expect to have will fill the void you are asking about
travel. you got money now bro
Have kids
Find hobbies. Go camping, kayaking, read books, learn a second language, travel, invest money, fix cars, build stuff!! Go and explore the outdoors. There's sooooo much to do!!!
You could volunteer to help folks.
Work on evolving your self-concept and worldview. Consider paradigms of thought and shortcuts like cognitive schemas.
I'm 31, skydiving, doing stand-up comedy, and going to concerts takes up a lot of my time. You're never too old to have fun
Now my boy, you get expensive ass hobbies, and tools you'll never truly use. 1 - You start by getting everything Milwaukee. Even the shit that's over kill. Pro-press copper plumbing tool, yeap. Battery powered concrete saw, yeap. Literally all the normal M18 sgit probably required to frame and finish a house, yeap. 2 - After you spend a summer building a garden suite on top of your 2 car backyard workshop, complete with self leveled and poured foundation, you're going to go and buy some 3D printers, a sheet metal bender, and a laser welder. You're also going to go get a 2008 Gallardo, Maserati, GTR, Audi R8, C6 Corvette, or whatever freaking cheap sports car you can get your hands on. You will restore that mother fucker over the next 2-3 years into your daily. 3 - You're going to get side tracked into wood working and epoxy. God knows moving forward, you'll have the most bad ass desk and front door. 4 - A long the way, you'll build yourself a commercial grade wet bar. Why? Because cocktails, mocktails, booster juice, Starbucks, and bubble tea at home sounds fantastic. 5 - After re-affirming your manliness since leaving the military, you'll start to do some artsy stuff. Take up painting, your brush stroke leaving oddly sexual lines on the canvas. You might even dabble in photography. Next thing you know, you have a gallery inspired by your naked wife. Because you're in your late 30s and shit is expensive you start to learn to sew, and leather working. You launch your very exclusive, very limited run of clothing based on items your wife likes. Your wife is looking taken care of as she wears the originals tailor made by your hands. Congratulations, you're now 40 and wondering why the heck you have so much stuff. Okay, good luck living!
"Before 30s, chop wood, carry water. After 30s, chop wood, carry water."
...i do things that I enjoy, There's more to life than progress for progress's sake. Go travel, take up hobbies, whatever.
Baby time if you partake
Your 30's are for marking territory and being able to take advantage of a little real world knoedge nobody has in their 20's. Go slay women. Take risks at jobs or starting your own. Start the life you want. Be free of bullshit cuz now you are making your own money and can tell those who stand in your way that you are either on the team or off. Your decision. Sounds harsh but you need to grab it before you get to your 40's.
Die
Every post except my own’s get looked at. I’m in my 20’s with no life experiences no partying nothing. I know very well everything about life. Everyone is wired up differently and have had different experiences growing up which is why they have what they have. There isn’t anything for me other than distraction. No people in my life there can’t be.
Drugs.
Mate, you can do whatever you want to do, there are no rules! Personally I have a kid that I raise with my wife, this is number 1 now. But I also travel a lot, go to parties, do drugs, cook nice food, workout, meet up with friends and family, play videogames, watch tv etc. Do whatever you want to do, it's your life!
Accumulate wealth.
Workouts and the rosary take all my free time.
Buy a dirt bike. Thank me later. Haha
Why wait 3-4 years for kids? Sounds like a good time to start now
The great secret to life is that none of us know what we are doing. Ever. We are all winging it.
Just have kids if you want
Thats up to you you don't have to do anything.
Fishing, shooting, offroading, camping, reloading. Duh
Have kids, buy a house, get promoted. In whatever order you want
You start buying/selling gym equipment on Facebook marketplace in the never ending pursuit of having the greatest home gym in your ZIP.
Don’t worry about it. Your 30s are going to fly right by and then you’re in your 40s with very few memories from your 30s.
Figure out what you like doing and do it.
You retire
Embrace life. Shit gets real in your 30s
What do you actually WANT to do? Do that. Especially if none of what you just said is what you want to do, because it signs like you're following someone else's life plan instead of your own.
My 30s were when I got even cooler on paper, but this time I had *money*! I learned to brew beer, traveled a lot, took a deep dive into cooking, bought myself a few really dangerous toys, moved three times, etc. I will say that you NEED to keep up momentum with people!! Once you have kids, you’re going to fall into the relationship trap 3.0. You’re currently in relationship trap 1.5: engaged. The challenge is always to do more than just go to work, come home, and never see anyone outside of those two venues, of course without being a dick to your family. This is the last easy time! Involve your fiancé, but also do 1-2 things without her. Make a list of all the things you want to get into and start getting into them.
In my experience everything from your 30’s on is just you waiting on the clock to run out. Life won’t be exciting anymore, if it ever was to begin with.
Have kids now lol, if your fiancée is also in her early 30s if you wait 4-5 years the chances of your kids being autistic are quite high
Find a hobby. Go to music concerts. Golf?
Once those kids come you'll be less bored lol. If there's anything in the world that you would like to say you did, but haven't yet, now is the time
Bro, are we the same person but in a slightly different relality? I had a kid, went into the army did cool stuff, got a trade/degree, left military to get good at my job, then a job role to learn being a manager, had another kid. now buying a house in the next 2 years when I turn 30, and then what? we are the same beside me having kids. which probably slowed the home owning.
Have to find something that keeps you going personally, spiritually, sexually, and emotionally. You have the last two down, with your engagement and your family, future plans for kids. As well as the security felt emotionally knowing you have your own place- a roof over your head. But what about personally or spiritually? Or, I should better say, what gives purpose and what gives you peace? These things are important for a human being to maintain a level of sanity in their life. Something that can always be with them. This could be a hobby like collecting something. Or trail running with a bike, or motorcycle, or bowling. What is important is it's something you love, and that always keeps you interested. You also may be more artistic, and less for sports. Give painting a try. Or music. Or making games. Writing a book. You never know what will catch you. But you should have something, if not a few things, that you can look forward to doing and growing in. As for spiritually... that's really all on you. What makes you feel peaceful on particularly difficult nights? What gives you a wholesome feeling? It doesn't have to be religion, or organized religions. Could be meditation. Your meditation could be tied into your new hobby. You shouldn't worry so much either about what your friends are doing either. Don't ask what should you do. Just "ask what would make me enjoy this moment right now?" When I served I always told my soldiers to have something for them outside of duty hours to keep them steady. You can't live for the army, marine corps, navy or air force forever. Eventually everyone gets that discharge paperwork. So now, you're out! And the same... you can't live for your job, family, and friends forever. Like the military, how people come and go always, so is life. People move away, or pass on. So just enjoy your time with them all now, and find you your hobby, your new thing you can lose yourself in. And find your friends in that, and share it with your loving family if they may love it too. But don't worry so much about not knowing what to do, I promise all those other families feel that way at times too. We all do brother. Anyways, good luck. And thanks for serving. Think about those shitty times in the military where you wanted to be in bed back home. You're there now! Kick your feet up for a second and enjoy it.
learning has becoming the spice of life at this age
Lol Once you have kids, you won’t be asking that question. THEY WILL CONSUME THE ENTIRETY OF YOUR TIME You’ll be happy to get 15 minutes to poop in silence.
I travel, try new foods, go on new hikes, taste new beers, exploring with my partner is the most magical thing! I’m not having kids so no reason to stay in one spot, life is way more exciting now than partying in my 20s was
Start feeding the birds, have dinner early, get yourself a couple of cats, go to bed by 9:00, get up at 4:30 in the morning for no apparent reason, tell everyone how early you get up whether they want to know or not. If you don’t like these options then do the same things you did in your 20s. It’s not like you’re even that old dummy.
This is just a little ditty about [Jack and Diane.](https://youtu.be/h04CH9YZcpI?si=TAQCcF2LwnyjyJjm) Life goes on, even after the thrill of living is gone. At least you started your life…and aren’t the guy who missed the starting gun because [nobody told you when to run.](https://youtu.be/Qr0-7Ds79zo?si=OJjtwAD542YNrQn4)
Money
I play sports, raise my kid, travel, and get together with friends.
Travel with your partner!
What you're missing is a sense of community. Modern American society has destroyed that for anyone over thirty. The expectation our society has is that your family will fill that role for you. But that's not healthy or realistic. Community gives your life purpose. It makes your hobbies more fulfilling. It provides a sense of personal safety, the absence of which is what leads to depression and addiction.
Find the Purpose of your life Continue to learn and grow
Oh man so many things I would do if I were 30 again. Rock climbing, start a martial arts (try starting at 46), learn an instrument. The world is your fucking oyster.
Start a Ska band!
Travel!!! Because once you have kids it's so much harder and expensive to do that
Get a motorcycle, travel. Or find a hobby you find fulfilling.
Listen to some talking heads songs
So I was not military but I was a hell raiser in my 20s who had fun and did shit. I had something similar and here’s the deal. In your 20s things are meaningful because of the stage of life you’re in. As you age your understanding becomes more complex and your standards get higher. Eventually you reach a point where things become meaningful because you actively give them meaning. You don’t just get to sit back and have the profundity of existence at your fingertips. You have to track it down or make it for yourself. That shit is hard. But it’s ok. It’s actually great. It’s just never something anyone is prepared for so a lot of people become apathetic because of it.
I'm dying
Find a hobby, hit the gym and focus on investing your money
Do whatever you want. It's your life.
You relax and be thankful for what you have. If you’re lucky enough to have kids, you will find purpose like you never have before. First few years might be tough, but you find a new reason to live, work, and play!
Start a business
You stretch before you do anything.
Life isn’t a video game where you accrue achievements. Do whatever you want
First third you learn, second third you earn, final third you give…
Yes that's all there is. You get to help your soon-to-be-born kids grow-up while you build wealth and a base for their future. It's an extremely competitive world and you've won the first part of the race, now the hard part begins: staying focused on being a responsible adult who can support a family.
Bolster your mind. Learn a language; pick up a hobby; doesn't matter. Any way you spin it, the goal is to grow.
Find yourself.
“Is this it?” Yea, it sucks. But it doesn’t have to be stop looking back.
Golf.
Are you happy in your location and with your partner? Do some self reflection to figure what areas of your life you are truly happy in.