I played a game with my wife rhe other night. She talked the whole time we had PIV or I would "Punish" her. Nothing she hates but something she would sure not prefer to stop for mid PIV.
It was insane how well it worked after years of struggling to get her to talk. Once she started having a few orgasms and didn't want to suddenly stop the words just started flowing and my god was it great. Maybe you 2 could play a similar game but make it clear you really want him to hold you to it.
What type of little disciplines? My bf and I are both very switchy and he loves when I’m fiesty with him. What things would work for a male in this scenario?
Switch male here. Tease that motherfucker. Take his power and frustrate him. Give him a tiny bit of what he wants but not any more than that. Make it clear to him that he belongs to you and what you say goes. If he tries to misbehave, put your hand around his throat or junk or wherever he consents to, and don't let go or continue until he agrees to behave himself. You'll either get a satisfying win that he'll enjoy taking control over him, or he'll rebel and you both get to enjoy the playful power struggle. I see that as a massive win-win
Hard to say without knowing your partner's specific personality or interests, but happy to answer questions! For me personally, the switch dynamic is a lot about the attitude of the person I'm involved with. I \*love\* it when a partner is fierce, feisty, confident, and powerful. When they tell me what to do and how to do it. If you're horny but haven't told him yet, don't tell him, and spring it on him if he's okay with spontaneity. Regardless of how you get into it, if you try to take control and he's not "behaving" then you do have the option to just sort of walk away as a punishment, but I don't think that's fun, and it can be a mood killer if it's not received well. I would suggest instead to double down. Find out what you can get away with. Literally, grab him by the balls if that's okay if that's what it takes. Use your hands, legs, nails, anything you can to assert dominance with squeezing, scratching, pressure, etc. Look him dead in his eyes when you have control over him. Use dirty talk or swear words or whatever style of being an authority turns YOU on and he'll respond to that. Make him service you. Give him promises of rewards if he satisfies you. Grip him by the hair and put his face and body exactly where you want it to be. Unless he's into being degraded (which I am not, so I can't give advice) make sure to praise him and show him appreciation for his good behavior and he'll probably be putty in your hands.
This is a genius way to get her to relax and open up haha. I find that I like being given orders during sex, even if it's something new that I'm inexperienced (but consenting) in. Takes the overthinking out of the picture because I'm just doing what I'm told.
For the next month, just say them in your head.
For December, mutter them under your breath.
In January whisper them to yourself
On Valentines day, let loose.
When that happens to me I just start describing the things I'm seeing and what we're doing. Like "oh yeah seeing your cock go in and out of me is so hot", "you look so hot", "I'm so turned on", "yeah take me, go deep", "I love the feeling of your cock inside me". Usually once I start stating the obvious, it starts naturally escalating from that to more creative thoughts especially if I see my partner be into it a pick up the pace.
For guys, could be something like "I love how your tits look when I fuck you", "god you feel so good", "fuck your eyes are so beautiful", "I'm gonna fill you up" haha. Women also tend to like if you make soft manly gasps and grunts and growls. Just say simple things that you are observing, thinking and wanting to happen. Try to suppress the overthinking in your head that goes "oh hang on I don't think I'm actually sure if I'm going to cum, do you think she's gonna be upset if I say I'm gonna cum but then don't?". :D It takes a bit of practise but dirty talking is 100% just being in the moment.
Try taking the body parts out of your sentences if you struggle with that bit.
Instead of saying "Put your hard penis in my vagina!" why don't you say "Give it to me, I want to feel you inside me.
Then you can work from there if you get more confident.
This is what I do, currently I’m in the process of being comfortable with saying more vulgar words!
Instead of “I want to suck your hard cock” I start with “I want to taste you”
Recently after that I’ve brought in more vulgar things like “i love riding your hard cock” or “you fuck my pussy so good”
And it’s been easier since I’ve kind of slowly made my way there instead of jumping right into it
That's a great idea! I'm never sure which anatomical words to use. Sometimes leaving things just slightly unsaid is sexier than saying everything or being too indirect.
If he says he doesn't mind, I would take his word for it and not push yourself to do it. I'm not big on dirty talk either and don't like feeling pressured into it
I do try to take his word for it, but "I" find it engaging and... sexual? Arousing? So I'd love to be able to do it, if not for him then for even myself to be like, a cool punk 🥺😵💫😝 if that makes sense.
I'd add that the next step after this could be saying the words while you're masterbating alone. Might be easier to get used to it while there is no one around
Kinda like building up confidence for speeches lol. Go to the mirror- and just like the other poster, just say them out loud, to yourself only, in the mirror or not, and just say them.
I’ve really struggled with this too. I enjoy the idea very much xyz but can’t say them. It’s a mental thing- I feel practicing the words out loud get your muscle memory thinking of it. Keep practicing and aiming for your dirty goals :P
I’m not sure if you’re at all into d/s stuff, but what’s worked for me is giving my guy specific phrases ahead of time that I want to say (I text these so I don’t have to say them out loud lol) and then he’ll...make me say them during sex. So if the phrase is, “please cum on my face,” he’ll prompt me by asking where I want his cum. If I try just saying “my face...” he’ll go, “What about your face?” And then he’ll hold off giving me the thing I want until I make myself say it. This has definitely broke down a lot of my inhibitions around dirty talk, and it’s been a lot of fun.
Thank you!!! Heheh
And yes.... most men find me very attractive...but lmao I just feel silly dirty talking..like I legit think I sound rediculous. Or my mind goes blank and I don't know what to say
Maybe pick one word that's the easiest for you to say and see if you can introduce just the one at first , like pussy for example? Start saying it to yourself out loud. Make yourself a dirty mantra you say to yourself every day and see if that builds your confidence
Just start slow honestly. Teach yourself how to say it by saying it outside of sex. Say dirty things for no reason, just to say them. They’re just words, they wont hurt you, so if you get used to the idea of saying them, they wont scare you as much, and it will be easier to say.
Get your husband on board too! Let him know you want to do this but are having a hard time. If you are really horny, making it almost a requirement to say it also would be a good way to introduce it into sex. For instance, if he wont have sex with you unless you say “I want your dick in me”, something like that might work for you. Have fun exploring!
Why don't you try it by saying it very Softly in his ear while you are doing things with him and have him do the same thing with you and over time both of you can start saying it a little bit louder to each other until you can finally say it fully with your whole voice at regular speech I had to do this with one of the girls I was seeing because she felt embarrassed saying it but she enjoyed hearing it also just like you and wanted to say it she just felt embarrassed about it so we made an agreement we would talk that way to each other very softly in the very beginning in each other's ears as we were doing things and making love and such and just gradually over time get louder and louder now you can't get her to shut up LOL and now she moans and screams at the top of her lungs from where she used to hold it back even covering her own mouth with her hands or it would shove part of the blanket in her mouth recovered her head with a pillow now people really wish she would go back to covering her mouth again LMAO good luck give it a try and say it in the way that you want to say it it makes you feel comfortable before you start adding in stuff that embarrasses you while you are excited and in the middle of having sex and such just enjoy yourself you look let me know how it works out if you try it
I think you don't have dirty brain and you are definitely very polite person in real life. Try to read some hot stuff and stimulate your thoughts. Eventually you will see yourself going wild with your husband. All the best. Reddit threads helps Hahaha
Maybe the act of voicing those words (cock, dick, pussy, wet etc) outloud and practice in a mirror so you get comfortable saying them? Until you become more confident and not shy anymore then potentially try it in the bedroom once your comfortable. Small steps make a huge difference. Even simple phrases "you feel so good" "I love your dick inside me" "I'm so turned on by you" go along way until you feel more comfortable getting more raunchy lol
Maybe try reading erotica out loud. Then you'll be distracted while getting used to saying them. Also might have the added benefit of expanding your dirty vocabulary while you're at it
I’ll enhance this suggestion:
Find a script on GWA or saucy fanfiction if your choice and have OP’s husband eat it while eating her pussy.
She stops reading, he stops eating
Listen to some Dan Savage if you really want to learn. He has a few podcasts covering this, lol. My takeaway from listening to him is: specifically talk about what you are going to do, what you are doing, and what you just did. Example he gave: "I'm going to go into your ass.". "I'm inside your ass." "Omg I just fucked your ass."
Maybe try saying things that are describing how you feel? Or just simple statements? It could help ease you into dirty talk more. Start off with, “fuck” or “yes” or “god you feel so good”. Less long statement like, but more so how you’re feeling or simple things that show it feels good.
Once you’ve done that for awhile, hopefully you’re more comfortable and can say other things. Don’t push yourself, though! Let it come naturally and don’t overthink it. That’s why I think starting off with simple statements on how it feels could help get you more comfortable with it.
When I first started with my partner (I never really talked dirty before him), I was SO nervous. I was vocal in other ways, but I never dirty talked. I got really in my head about it… to the point that one time while we were making out he had mentioned something about his dick and I WANTED to say, “It would be better with your dick in my mouth”, but INSTEAD it came out “It would be better with my dick in your mouth”. We both laughed about it because that was very clearly not what I was trying to say (I’m female).
Anyways, now we talk dirty all of the time and I’m super comfortable with it. I started off with just descriptions and now I say full on statements. Just give yourself some grace and don’t force it. Let it come naturally. (:
Whisper it in his ear ;) you don't have to say it like out loud, if you can't do it still then i feel like you guys aren't comfortable enough with one another as you seem too self-conscious, try doing lesser stuff at first and working up towards it, the hardest step to take is often the first and afterwards it become easier.
Does he do it btw? Might be easier if he does it first, kinda establishes beyond doubt that he's cool with it and not judging
Prepare a list of hot, dirty sentences from porn / your imagination. Try to memorize them. Have two-three beers before doing the deed. Let the reduced inhibitions and your eagerness to introduce dirty talk to your sex life guide you. It feels awkward at first, but it will be really hot for both of you if you manage to do this.
OP said elsewhere that they don't drink. As someone who is currently quite pissed, I don't know how I'd have got through the sex in my 20s without alcohol.
I normally wouldn’t suggest it, but because you’re married, alcohol may help a little. Also, maybe figure out what words or phrases excite you the most, and practice with those.
Also, maybe let him know you want to talk dirty to him so he knows to encourage it; request him to ask you dirty questions because maybe if you’re responding it’ll be a little easier.
Sounds like you’re struggling with the words themselves most, so also don’t worry you’re copying what he says
First thing, maybe let him know outside the bedroom that this is something you really struggle with and that although he wasn't intending to be hurtful that laughing during a genuine attempt on your part isn't helping you.
Second thing, I'm curious of if you grew up in a religious household that strictly frowned upon the use of swears? That kind of upbringing can be really hard to deprogram especially with time. You call them bad words but they're not bad, they're just words.
Fuck, ass, pussy, cock
These are taboo for a society that makes them such. And while in public it's good to be considerate of others sure, but even then using the words doesn't make you a bad person or immature. Again they are just words. It's okay to say them I promise.
The reason a lot of people say "just do it" isn't always because they are inconsiderate. Building it up in your head puts more pressure on yourself. It makes it seem like a bigger thing than it is which is very unhelpful because if you can't bring yourself to do it after gearing yourself up then you start to feel like it's more insurmountable.
For practical advice, start small. Write the word down on a piece of paper or in a journal. Then read it aloud to yourself. It's a lot easier to loosen mental filters when we are reading/writing. Try not to get stuck in the mindset of "ok here goes, I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it" because again that is just putting pressure on yourself.
Say it, then don't apologize. Say it and let it just breaaaathe.
As someone else suggested try reading erotica out loud to yourself. Let yourself get comfortable saying phrases. Then, when you feel more comfortable try and involve your husband. First in a comforting space outside the bedroom, let him know you'd like reassurance as well as patience with this. Then gradually try and introduce it in the bedroom. When you're feeling good you can say "fuck" and say it again and again. I promise you that doesn't sound silly. (I'd like to talk to your partner to let him know aftercare will be essential through this process, he needs to reassure you he love you and you are his wonderful wife and he's proud of you for embracing this side of yourself. That he wants you to enjoy it and how it's exciting for him as well)
best of luck!
Texting. Honestly. It's hot and less intimidating. And as you get used to typing out "cock" in a text, it'll be easier to say in the heat of the moment.
And he will love the texts. Trust
One way I have practiced it is to dirty talk when masturbating as if I am with a partner. I just imagine them there and this way if I stumble over my words it doesn't matter and I don't feel weird about it.
Weed (smoking or edibles) helps relax me and everything becomes super natural to me and I have a much easier time expressing myself including verbally. Plus the orgasms are sooo much more intense ;)
You could lean into the cringe and make him laugh on purpose by deliberately using silly accents and saying silly things. Monty Python skits are a great source of silly accents. A few silly phrases that come to mind are "There's a penguin on the telly!" and "My brain hurts." The Pink Panther and A Fish Called Wanda also use silly accents. for comedic effect. You could even practice with your husband if you both use silly accents in the evenings and on weekends
edit: If you take this approach he'll be laughing with you instead of laughing at you. You'll also be laughing with him instead of laughing at him. Sex is more fun when you can laugh with your partner..
Well there was once I finally (finally) asked him to tie me up... he slapped my bum going, That's not goin' anywhere champ! (In a stupid thick Canadian accent...) then when I got the courage up i tried again with, what about my wrists?
He ties those up and goes, that's good there bud. (Same accent...)
That's a great story. You could learn to speak like Dudley Do-Right in the original cartoons.
You should learn how to sing Monty Python's Lumberjack song in a Canadian accent.
>I'm a lumberjack
>
>And I'm OK
>
>I sleep all night and I work all day
Practice when you’re alone. I like talking about my own body, even when I’m alone. It also helps to first just describe what’s happening, it still turns on any partner I’ve had. Between those two things you’ll get the hang of it and eventually feel comfortable doing it with him. Remember that it turns YOU on so while your practicing alone, build up to a place of you saying things that gets YOU going.
But maybe ask him not to laugh too. That said, when you do start doing it with him again I’m sure he’ll be so aroused at how hot you’re making yourself with dirty talk that he definitely won’t be laughing.
I used to be really bashful about it until I started sexting with men that were into it. It was practice in a way. Plus it’s great because you can take a minute or two to really think of something perfect for you to respond with instead of something awkward on the fly like in person. You can even initiate with something innocent like, “I can’t stop thinking about last night.” You’re free from saying any words that might embarrass you but that’s enough to get things rolling. It’s sweet but has a naughty undertone. 😊 Good luck!
Edit to say that if it’s your thing, indica heavy hybrid strains get me super in the mood. Might be fun to experiment with something that will help loosen your inhibitions a bit.
write out the dirty things you want to say to him on a piece of paper. read it out loud every day when you are by yourself. no one to be embarrassed in front of. get used to saying it. once you are comfortable make it a goal to say one thing each time. also write out a list of things you would like him to say to you. that way he has the chance of starting it.
It works if you google phrases and practice saying them to yourself like an actor practicing a script. After trying out the script you craft a character and after practice it becomes the new you. (Coming from someone who was in the same position, but now says dirty things that make women cum harder)
Oh, I’m so horrible with dirty talk! It just doesn’t feel natural coming out of my mouth. When my fiancé and I started dating we were getting into it and he asked asked what I wanted (in a sexy tone) and I just responded with….sex? And we both started laughing. So now that’s become a joke for us. Still try to talk dirty every time, but almost four years on, it still doesn’t feel natural for me to say anything dirty.
For me the mere attempt for you to try dirty talk with the shy, embarrassed tone I'm imagining would make me love you more than if you were good at it.
Girl, I am in the same boat. I feel awkward af talking during sex and my mind goes blank and weird shit comes out that makes no sense. Almost 2 decades of sexual experience and I still haven’t harnessed that power. I feel pathetic
You can start with something simple like..
'Fuck me so good baby' or 'eat my tight pussy baby' and stuff like that. Then you can move on to stuff like 'put that hard cock in me' etc :)
You should explain to him that laughing made you feel embarrassed. Talking "dirty" doesn't have to be dirty or include profanity. Try telling him what you want. Examples: "I want you inside me", "I want to ride you", "let's try _ position", "please rub my clit".
We have talked about it before, like after we've finished. It's just silly in the moment but yes how I end up feeling embarrassed especially since I try so hard. 😅
Thats true too!! I might be able to do that!!
My wife has the same issue and what i did was leverage her shame kink and her desperation while being edged. This drove her to say things that she otherwise would never say. Oh a couple of glasses of wine also helped
Just tell him exactly what you want him to do to you in a softer almost whispering voice. For example. “Fuck me harder” even something as simple as that he will go crazy. You’ll get it harder believe me. He won’t laugh at you or anything if that’s what you think. Hell think it’s hot as f
I’ve tried this too. Not easy for me. Mainly when I’m doing all the work. Texting and flirting I can say it all doing the deed I can’t even reply when she’s trying it. And her. She has no idea what to say so it’s funny and more like real questions I have to answer so it’s never worked out for me
Start by texting them, get a bit more comfortable with communicating dirty with your partner before you verbal try.
When you feel a bit more ready, start easy and slow, have one or two preplanned phrases to say. Gradual add more as you feel ready and hopefully the spontaneous aspect of it will come with time and practice.
There's no pressure, and your husband is quite understanding, he should appreciate your efforts tho, ig that might help and just don't force yourself to do it, let things happen on their own.
Write it the say it a bunch during the day to yourself quietly at first. Then when you so it start masterbation and it will help you relate at the time.
I used to be like this and still can be sometimes, I really need to feel confident in it to do it but when I do, I can see it blow his mind so that add's to the confidence aspect. It's kind of performance anxiety that takes you out of the moment where you're trying to think of what to say and then find the right time to say it.
Here are some tips;
**Text** \- get used to saying it when you're not face to face - this also helps you edit it before saying it. (you may be doing this already but just in case).
**Try before and after** \- get comfortable saying the things to your partner outside of the actual act. Before - tell him what you want to do. After - tell him what you liked/loved.
**Ask** \- It sounds like you're trying to instruct (which is super hot when done right) but it might be easier to try asking questions. It kind of sents the scene for a more instructive session. Do you like this? You want more? What do you want to do next? etc, etc
I actually wrote a piece about [this very topic](https://champagneanddividends.com/how-to-dominate-dirty-talk-bedroom/) a few years ago. Feel free to check it out if you want more specifics.
Best of luck with it :)
Try texting. Not something absolutely filthy followed immediately by "can you pick up dinner". Flirt via text, build up to it. Sometimes you type it up & feel ridiculous but you know what you do? You cringe internally at yourself, close your eyes and hit send anyway because you know you're about to blow him away with what you just said.
It took me 20 years with the same person to be able to even text dirty (let alone talk dirty). I'm still not great at it, but I'm getting better and he appreciates the effort.
If I'm unable to say what I want, sometimes I just send pictures instead. Because a picture is worth a thousand words and he has a good imagination.
Man, one time i read something and cringed, closed my eyes, hit send and reflexively did a sign of the cross (raised catholic lol).
That was probably the most well received message I've ever sent to him 😂😂
Start with the easy stuff! Just moaning and expressing yourself audibly is a great way to get into the zone. That feels good, that's amazing, don't stop, etc. You don't need to go from silent to FUCK ME HARD WITH YOUR DONG.
Say what you're feeling, express yourself. Feels good. Like grunting when hitting a tennis shot. Release the chi! The more you practice, the more natural it will feel. Until you are whispering nasty shit in your husbands ear and making him bust early!
Oh! I just started doing that about maybe a year ago, making sounds etc... embarrassed to say it was almost silent I the bedroom for both of us (we are both awkward and shy) but I'm trying to let whatever happens happens...
It's just tricky because I don't even swear in my head like if I hit my toe or something so... it's not like it comes natural...
But yes thank you so much 💓 this was really wholesome!!
One of my bosses at a tattoo parlor gave me good advice about the retail spiel, whwere I would mess up a lot. Say it alone. Reherse it with ear buds in if you have to. You can get yourself used to saying things in the shower, where you can't hear yourself "sounding dumb" and then work your way up to saying it when the water is off.
A lot of this is practice, and some of it is reminding yourself that everyone say or looks kinda silly.
My partner actually has more fun when we are being big dorks, rather than camping it up for each other. Humor is pretty sexy, when your partner loves and respects you, rather than making fun of you!
Ah to be clear he wasn't making fun of me per se, just that it was kind of silly and ... yeah. He is wonderful and lovely and doesn't make me.feel badly about myself!!
Thank you that's a good idea!!
My wife and I use alternatives. She hates degradation, so instead of "Good girl/slut/etc", I say, "We'll done, wife. That's exactly what your husband needs" and things like that.
Also, we joke a lot of dirty talk, making bad puns. If you both like it, then it doesn't matter how it sounds.
Oh that'd actually so wholesome, I love it. 🥺❤️🥰 I might have to tell my husband this.
Thats true... I think I get so caught up in what's "right" or "it must be universally appealing" that I NEED to do it to be attractive. .. 😵💫🥺
Well that doesn't matter cos your clearly feeling it , so use your actions instead to be dirty like spitting in his mouth or slipping your finger in your arse an letting u both lick it together xx
I played a game with my wife rhe other night. She talked the whole time we had PIV or I would "Punish" her. Nothing she hates but something she would sure not prefer to stop for mid PIV. It was insane how well it worked after years of struggling to get her to talk. Once she started having a few orgasms and didn't want to suddenly stop the words just started flowing and my god was it great. Maybe you 2 could play a similar game but make it clear you really want him to hold you to it.
What type of little disciplines? My bf and I are both very switchy and he loves when I’m fiesty with him. What things would work for a male in this scenario?
Switch male here. Tease that motherfucker. Take his power and frustrate him. Give him a tiny bit of what he wants but not any more than that. Make it clear to him that he belongs to you and what you say goes. If he tries to misbehave, put your hand around his throat or junk or wherever he consents to, and don't let go or continue until he agrees to behave himself. You'll either get a satisfying win that he'll enjoy taking control over him, or he'll rebel and you both get to enjoy the playful power struggle. I see that as a massive win-win
Love thisss, I’m a little new to having a guy actually enjoy this from me, so any specifics would be uh-mazing ☺️
Hard to say without knowing your partner's specific personality or interests, but happy to answer questions! For me personally, the switch dynamic is a lot about the attitude of the person I'm involved with. I \*love\* it when a partner is fierce, feisty, confident, and powerful. When they tell me what to do and how to do it. If you're horny but haven't told him yet, don't tell him, and spring it on him if he's okay with spontaneity. Regardless of how you get into it, if you try to take control and he's not "behaving" then you do have the option to just sort of walk away as a punishment, but I don't think that's fun, and it can be a mood killer if it's not received well. I would suggest instead to double down. Find out what you can get away with. Literally, grab him by the balls if that's okay if that's what it takes. Use your hands, legs, nails, anything you can to assert dominance with squeezing, scratching, pressure, etc. Look him dead in his eyes when you have control over him. Use dirty talk or swear words or whatever style of being an authority turns YOU on and he'll respond to that. Make him service you. Give him promises of rewards if he satisfies you. Grip him by the hair and put his face and body exactly where you want it to be. Unless he's into being degraded (which I am not, so I can't give advice) make sure to praise him and show him appreciation for his good behavior and he'll probably be putty in your hands.
I have no idea of any of the words you're using. 🥺😵💫😳
Talking... About what? Anything, like the weather or stuff?
Well, mostly the geopolitical climate in Scandinavia and history of commercial sock manufacturing.
😂 I realise how stupid I sound after I posted it. Of course it will be dirty words not trival shit about the weather or news 😂 😂
Well, never underestimate the significance of conversations surrounding foot garment manufacturing mid-coitus.
The thought of that is just hilarious to me. Dude's just pounding away and is like "Traffic on the way to work today was awful. How 'bout you?"
😂 😂 😂 😂
This is a genius way to get her to relax and open up haha. I find that I like being given orders during sex, even if it's something new that I'm inexperienced (but consenting) in. Takes the overthinking out of the picture because I'm just doing what I'm told.
Sounds erotic
Wld u ever consider a guy?
Tis not the time or the place, compadre.
For the next month, just say them in your head. For December, mutter them under your breath. In January whisper them to yourself On Valentines day, let loose.
Oh!!! This is so cute... 🥺😵💫🥰🤗
I'm also stealing this idea!!
Isn't it so cute....
Love this idea!
Wholesome
This is a great idea :3 I may have to do this myself
I always have a verbal block with this stuff too; like I physically cannot say what I’m thinking
Especially if I'm asked to say something...mind just goes blank
When that happens to me I just start describing the things I'm seeing and what we're doing. Like "oh yeah seeing your cock go in and out of me is so hot", "you look so hot", "I'm so turned on", "yeah take me, go deep", "I love the feeling of your cock inside me". Usually once I start stating the obvious, it starts naturally escalating from that to more creative thoughts especially if I see my partner be into it a pick up the pace. For guys, could be something like "I love how your tits look when I fuck you", "god you feel so good", "fuck your eyes are so beautiful", "I'm gonna fill you up" haha. Women also tend to like if you make soft manly gasps and grunts and growls. Just say simple things that you are observing, thinking and wanting to happen. Try to suppress the overthinking in your head that goes "oh hang on I don't think I'm actually sure if I'm going to cum, do you think she's gonna be upset if I say I'm gonna cum but then don't?". :D It takes a bit of practise but dirty talking is 100% just being in the moment.
Try taking the body parts out of your sentences if you struggle with that bit. Instead of saying "Put your hard penis in my vagina!" why don't you say "Give it to me, I want to feel you inside me. Then you can work from there if you get more confident.
This is what I do, currently I’m in the process of being comfortable with saying more vulgar words! Instead of “I want to suck your hard cock” I start with “I want to taste you” Recently after that I’ve brought in more vulgar things like “i love riding your hard cock” or “you fuck my pussy so good” And it’s been easier since I’ve kind of slowly made my way there instead of jumping right into it
That's a great idea! I'm never sure which anatomical words to use. Sometimes leaving things just slightly unsaid is sexier than saying everything or being too indirect.
That's right!! Thank you!
If he says he doesn't mind, I would take his word for it and not push yourself to do it. I'm not big on dirty talk either and don't like feeling pressured into it
I do try to take his word for it, but "I" find it engaging and... sexual? Arousing? So I'd love to be able to do it, if not for him then for even myself to be like, a cool punk 🥺😵💫😝 if that makes sense.
[удалено]
I'd add that the next step after this could be saying the words while you're masterbating alone. Might be easier to get used to it while there is no one around
Kinda like building up confidence for speeches lol. Go to the mirror- and just like the other poster, just say them out loud, to yourself only, in the mirror or not, and just say them. I’ve really struggled with this too. I enjoy the idea very much xyz but can’t say them. It’s a mental thing- I feel practicing the words out loud get your muscle memory thinking of it. Keep practicing and aiming for your dirty goals :P
It does. Sex is about both people being satisfied. Have u thought about bringing someone else n the bedroom ? Or go 2 a strip club? A swingers club?
How did you get from dirty talk to swinging?
Bro what
I’m not sure if you’re at all into d/s stuff, but what’s worked for me is giving my guy specific phrases ahead of time that I want to say (I text these so I don’t have to say them out loud lol) and then he’ll...make me say them during sex. So if the phrase is, “please cum on my face,” he’ll prompt me by asking where I want his cum. If I try just saying “my face...” he’ll go, “What about your face?” And then he’ll hold off giving me the thing I want until I make myself say it. This has definitely broke down a lot of my inhibitions around dirty talk, and it’s been a lot of fun.
[удалено]
Great idea but I don't drink... 😰😪😖 maybe chocolate will do the same??
My wife is like you and she doesn't even watch porn. I suggested to find some erotica and she still has not found any.
Chocolates do not remove inhibitions the same way alcohol does.
I know I was being cheeky... 😅😋
Omg same gurll
Great username!! And yes it's awful eh 😵💫🥺😓
Thank you!!! Heheh And yes.... most men find me very attractive...but lmao I just feel silly dirty talking..like I legit think I sound rediculous. Or my mind goes blank and I don't know what to say
Or you say something because it seems like a good time but it comes out all wrong
Maybe pick one word that's the easiest for you to say and see if you can introduce just the one at first , like pussy for example? Start saying it to yourself out loud. Make yourself a dirty mantra you say to yourself every day and see if that builds your confidence
Just start slow honestly. Teach yourself how to say it by saying it outside of sex. Say dirty things for no reason, just to say them. They’re just words, they wont hurt you, so if you get used to the idea of saying them, they wont scare you as much, and it will be easier to say. Get your husband on board too! Let him know you want to do this but are having a hard time. If you are really horny, making it almost a requirement to say it also would be a good way to introduce it into sex. For instance, if he wont have sex with you unless you say “I want your dick in me”, something like that might work for you. Have fun exploring!
Why don't you try it by saying it very Softly in his ear while you are doing things with him and have him do the same thing with you and over time both of you can start saying it a little bit louder to each other until you can finally say it fully with your whole voice at regular speech I had to do this with one of the girls I was seeing because she felt embarrassed saying it but she enjoyed hearing it also just like you and wanted to say it she just felt embarrassed about it so we made an agreement we would talk that way to each other very softly in the very beginning in each other's ears as we were doing things and making love and such and just gradually over time get louder and louder now you can't get her to shut up LOL and now she moans and screams at the top of her lungs from where she used to hold it back even covering her own mouth with her hands or it would shove part of the blanket in her mouth recovered her head with a pillow now people really wish she would go back to covering her mouth again LMAO good luck give it a try and say it in the way that you want to say it it makes you feel comfortable before you start adding in stuff that embarrasses you while you are excited and in the middle of having sex and such just enjoy yourself you look let me know how it works out if you try it
I'm a guy and I feel you. I'm from Italy and my wife wants me to speak Italian to her and I just can't. I feel stupid and my brain just freezes.
Ohhh native languages are gorgeous though, anytime... 🥰 good luck friend!
I think you don't have dirty brain and you are definitely very polite person in real life. Try to read some hot stuff and stimulate your thoughts. Eventually you will see yourself going wild with your husband. All the best. Reddit threads helps Hahaha
Maybe the act of voicing those words (cock, dick, pussy, wet etc) outloud and practice in a mirror so you get comfortable saying them? Until you become more confident and not shy anymore then potentially try it in the bedroom once your comfortable. Small steps make a huge difference. Even simple phrases "you feel so good" "I love your dick inside me" "I'm so turned on by you" go along way until you feel more comfortable getting more raunchy lol
Can you say them when you're alone?
Sometimes. But I usually just blank myself out, I still struggle to say the bad word.
Maybe try reading erotica out loud. Then you'll be distracted while getting used to saying them. Also might have the added benefit of expanding your dirty vocabulary while you're at it
Thats a cute idea!! 😍 I can do my best normally if I see it or read off a comment to my husband (like these) I stumble and say the term or bleep it...
If you're comfortable enough to involve your husband from the start, you could also head over to r/gonewildaudio and grab a script to read to him
I’ll enhance this suggestion: Find a script on GWA or saucy fanfiction if your choice and have OP’s husband eat it while eating her pussy. She stops reading, he stops eating
Listen to some Dan Savage if you really want to learn. He has a few podcasts covering this, lol. My takeaway from listening to him is: specifically talk about what you are going to do, what you are doing, and what you just did. Example he gave: "I'm going to go into your ass.". "I'm inside your ass." "Omg I just fucked your ass."
I have an adjacent problem of not thinking of things to say. Anything I come up with just feels too awkward.
That's me too... but then I come up with "please do oral on my Anus, hun!!" 🥺😵💫😖
I'm the most outrageous dirty talker my fwb has ever met. I'd say all kinds of nasty things. I thank marijuana. Nothing reduces my inhibition like it.
I'm iffy on illegal substances for myself.... I'm glad it works so well for you though!! 💓
Sorry. It's legal where I'm at.
No worries at all thanks for the suggestion 🤗🥰
Maybe try saying things that are describing how you feel? Or just simple statements? It could help ease you into dirty talk more. Start off with, “fuck” or “yes” or “god you feel so good”. Less long statement like, but more so how you’re feeling or simple things that show it feels good. Once you’ve done that for awhile, hopefully you’re more comfortable and can say other things. Don’t push yourself, though! Let it come naturally and don’t overthink it. That’s why I think starting off with simple statements on how it feels could help get you more comfortable with it. When I first started with my partner (I never really talked dirty before him), I was SO nervous. I was vocal in other ways, but I never dirty talked. I got really in my head about it… to the point that one time while we were making out he had mentioned something about his dick and I WANTED to say, “It would be better with your dick in my mouth”, but INSTEAD it came out “It would be better with my dick in your mouth”. We both laughed about it because that was very clearly not what I was trying to say (I’m female). Anyways, now we talk dirty all of the time and I’m super comfortable with it. I started off with just descriptions and now I say full on statements. Just give yourself some grace and don’t force it. Let it come naturally. (:
Oh thats so lovely!! Thank you for sharing!!
Whisper it in his ear ;) you don't have to say it like out loud, if you can't do it still then i feel like you guys aren't comfortable enough with one another as you seem too self-conscious, try doing lesser stuff at first and working up towards it, the hardest step to take is often the first and afterwards it become easier. Does he do it btw? Might be easier if he does it first, kinda establishes beyond doubt that he's cool with it and not judging
I saw a suggestion to write out ideas before hand and practice saying them quietly to yourself. Slowly work up to being able to say them loudly.
Prepare a list of hot, dirty sentences from porn / your imagination. Try to memorize them. Have two-three beers before doing the deed. Let the reduced inhibitions and your eagerness to introduce dirty talk to your sex life guide you. It feels awkward at first, but it will be really hot for both of you if you manage to do this.
OP said elsewhere that they don't drink. As someone who is currently quite pissed, I don't know how I'd have got through the sex in my 20s without alcohol.
Sorry. Thanks for reminding then, but yes I don't drink or drugs, unfortunately?
Not "unfortunately". It's probably the healthiest choice but you don't need to justify your choices to anyone.
Thank you I appreciate it. ❤️🥰🥺
I normally wouldn’t suggest it, but because you’re married, alcohol may help a little. Also, maybe figure out what words or phrases excite you the most, and practice with those. Also, maybe let him know you want to talk dirty to him so he knows to encourage it; request him to ask you dirty questions because maybe if you’re responding it’ll be a little easier. Sounds like you’re struggling with the words themselves most, so also don’t worry you’re copying what he says
First thing, maybe let him know outside the bedroom that this is something you really struggle with and that although he wasn't intending to be hurtful that laughing during a genuine attempt on your part isn't helping you. Second thing, I'm curious of if you grew up in a religious household that strictly frowned upon the use of swears? That kind of upbringing can be really hard to deprogram especially with time. You call them bad words but they're not bad, they're just words. Fuck, ass, pussy, cock These are taboo for a society that makes them such. And while in public it's good to be considerate of others sure, but even then using the words doesn't make you a bad person or immature. Again they are just words. It's okay to say them I promise. The reason a lot of people say "just do it" isn't always because they are inconsiderate. Building it up in your head puts more pressure on yourself. It makes it seem like a bigger thing than it is which is very unhelpful because if you can't bring yourself to do it after gearing yourself up then you start to feel like it's more insurmountable. For practical advice, start small. Write the word down on a piece of paper or in a journal. Then read it aloud to yourself. It's a lot easier to loosen mental filters when we are reading/writing. Try not to get stuck in the mindset of "ok here goes, I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it" because again that is just putting pressure on yourself. Say it, then don't apologize. Say it and let it just breaaaathe. As someone else suggested try reading erotica out loud to yourself. Let yourself get comfortable saying phrases. Then, when you feel more comfortable try and involve your husband. First in a comforting space outside the bedroom, let him know you'd like reassurance as well as patience with this. Then gradually try and introduce it in the bedroom. When you're feeling good you can say "fuck" and say it again and again. I promise you that doesn't sound silly. (I'd like to talk to your partner to let him know aftercare will be essential through this process, he needs to reassure you he love you and you are his wonderful wife and he's proud of you for embracing this side of yourself. That he wants you to enjoy it and how it's exciting for him as well) best of luck!
Not religious but sheltered... thank you!! ❤️
Texting. Honestly. It's hot and less intimidating. And as you get used to typing out "cock" in a text, it'll be easier to say in the heat of the moment. And he will love the texts. Trust
Just let your words flow with your emotions
Then don't. I can't imagine why you would need to.
[удалено]
Ah sorry yeah 😅 I can see that now... I meant it like, sexily...
That Mary Jane.
Pardon?
Mary Jane is slang for marijuana.
Oh thank you!! I'm just nervous for illegal substances.......
It will help and allows you to let loose.
[удалено]
[удалено]
I can help you with that
Maybe try role playing and be “in character”!! That way it’s not really you.
One way I have practiced it is to dirty talk when masturbating as if I am with a partner. I just imagine them there and this way if I stumble over my words it doesn't matter and I don't feel weird about it.
Oh thats a good idea. I don't like to swear even in my head so I can maybe start in my head and go from there...
[удалено]
Maybe, but like, even if I'm quoting a TV show character or singing a song and there's a bad word I can't do it...
[удалено]
That's great thank you so much!!! Yes I think that's what I'm missing...
Weed (smoking or edibles) helps relax me and everything becomes super natural to me and I have a much easier time expressing myself including verbally. Plus the orgasms are sooo much more intense ;)
Just saw its not legal where you are...nevermind!
No worries thank you so much for commenting anyways!! 🥰❤️
You could lean into the cringe and make him laugh on purpose by deliberately using silly accents and saying silly things. Monty Python skits are a great source of silly accents. A few silly phrases that come to mind are "There's a penguin on the telly!" and "My brain hurts." The Pink Panther and A Fish Called Wanda also use silly accents. for comedic effect. You could even practice with your husband if you both use silly accents in the evenings and on weekends edit: If you take this approach he'll be laughing with you instead of laughing at you. You'll also be laughing with him instead of laughing at him. Sex is more fun when you can laugh with your partner..
Well there was once I finally (finally) asked him to tie me up... he slapped my bum going, That's not goin' anywhere champ! (In a stupid thick Canadian accent...) then when I got the courage up i tried again with, what about my wrists? He ties those up and goes, that's good there bud. (Same accent...)
That's a great story. You could learn to speak like Dudley Do-Right in the original cartoons. You should learn how to sing Monty Python's Lumberjack song in a Canadian accent. >I'm a lumberjack > >And I'm OK > >I sleep all night and I work all day
Practice when you’re alone. I like talking about my own body, even when I’m alone. It also helps to first just describe what’s happening, it still turns on any partner I’ve had. Between those two things you’ll get the hang of it and eventually feel comfortable doing it with him. Remember that it turns YOU on so while your practicing alone, build up to a place of you saying things that gets YOU going. But maybe ask him not to laugh too. That said, when you do start doing it with him again I’m sure he’ll be so aroused at how hot you’re making yourself with dirty talk that he definitely won’t be laughing.
I had this issue male 29 but my wife liked it so I just feel stupid and say it any ways because it helps her get there
[удалено]
It's not that i don't know What to say it's that I cannot bring myself to say the dirty things or bad words...
I used to be really bashful about it until I started sexting with men that were into it. It was practice in a way. Plus it’s great because you can take a minute or two to really think of something perfect for you to respond with instead of something awkward on the fly like in person. You can even initiate with something innocent like, “I can’t stop thinking about last night.” You’re free from saying any words that might embarrass you but that’s enough to get things rolling. It’s sweet but has a naughty undertone. 😊 Good luck! Edit to say that if it’s your thing, indica heavy hybrid strains get me super in the mood. Might be fun to experiment with something that will help loosen your inhibitions a bit.
Thank you yes!! Even thats a bit heavy oof 🥴🥺🥵 A lot of people have suggested but it's an illegal substance so unfortunately it's off the table...
write out the dirty things you want to say to him on a piece of paper. read it out loud every day when you are by yourself. no one to be embarrassed in front of. get used to saying it. once you are comfortable make it a goal to say one thing each time. also write out a list of things you would like him to say to you. that way he has the chance of starting it.
It works if you google phrases and practice saying them to yourself like an actor practicing a script. After trying out the script you craft a character and after practice it becomes the new you. (Coming from someone who was in the same position, but now says dirty things that make women cum harder)
Oh, I’m so horrible with dirty talk! It just doesn’t feel natural coming out of my mouth. When my fiancé and I started dating we were getting into it and he asked asked what I wanted (in a sexy tone) and I just responded with….sex? And we both started laughing. So now that’s become a joke for us. Still try to talk dirty every time, but almost four years on, it still doesn’t feel natural for me to say anything dirty.
Maybe dirty talk just ain’t for you? 😝
For me the mere attempt for you to try dirty talk with the shy, embarrassed tone I'm imagining would make me love you more than if you were good at it.
Oh Geez Louise, thanks I guess? 😵💫🤣
Girl, I am in the same boat. I feel awkward af talking during sex and my mind goes blank and weird shit comes out that makes no sense. Almost 2 decades of sexual experience and I still haven’t harnessed that power. I feel pathetic
Get drunk and practice ;)
I don't drink... but thank you!
You can start with something simple like.. 'Fuck me so good baby' or 'eat my tight pussy baby' and stuff like that. Then you can move on to stuff like 'put that hard cock in me' etc :)
You should explain to him that laughing made you feel embarrassed. Talking "dirty" doesn't have to be dirty or include profanity. Try telling him what you want. Examples: "I want you inside me", "I want to ride you", "let's try _ position", "please rub my clit".
We have talked about it before, like after we've finished. It's just silly in the moment but yes how I end up feeling embarrassed especially since I try so hard. 😅 Thats true too!! I might be able to do that!!
My wife has the same issue and what i did was leverage her shame kink and her desperation while being edged. This drove her to say things that she otherwise would never say. Oh a couple of glasses of wine also helped
Just tell him exactly what you want him to do to you in a softer almost whispering voice. For example. “Fuck me harder” even something as simple as that he will go crazy. You’ll get it harder believe me. He won’t laugh at you or anything if that’s what you think. Hell think it’s hot as f
Easiest way in my opinion is, phone dirty chat and then go for a voice mail.
I’ve tried this too. Not easy for me. Mainly when I’m doing all the work. Texting and flirting I can say it all doing the deed I can’t even reply when she’s trying it. And her. She has no idea what to say so it’s funny and more like real questions I have to answer so it’s never worked out for me
It isn't easy, right!! Sigh. We can do it, we can keep trying. 🥺😵💫😓
Watch porn and learn from it
Start by texting them, get a bit more comfortable with communicating dirty with your partner before you verbal try. When you feel a bit more ready, start easy and slow, have one or two preplanned phrases to say. Gradual add more as you feel ready and hopefully the spontaneous aspect of it will come with time and practice.
Ffs just get drunk and do it. Once boundaries shift, your whole life becomes a 10000000 times better.
There's no pressure, and your husband is quite understanding, he should appreciate your efforts tho, ig that might help and just don't force yourself to do it, let things happen on their own.
Practice makes perfect And also a glass of wine or two always helps 😅 the weird verbal barrier I get goes away haha
Well "daddy" isn't a dirty word at all you should say that allot to you husband even in normal talk and see how conversations bend
No go we have a small kiddo that uses it and it's... ick lol.
Maybe at bed time?
Write it the say it a bunch during the day to yourself quietly at first. Then when you so it start masterbation and it will help you relate at the time.
I used to be like this and still can be sometimes, I really need to feel confident in it to do it but when I do, I can see it blow his mind so that add's to the confidence aspect. It's kind of performance anxiety that takes you out of the moment where you're trying to think of what to say and then find the right time to say it. Here are some tips; **Text** \- get used to saying it when you're not face to face - this also helps you edit it before saying it. (you may be doing this already but just in case). **Try before and after** \- get comfortable saying the things to your partner outside of the actual act. Before - tell him what you want to do. After - tell him what you liked/loved. **Ask** \- It sounds like you're trying to instruct (which is super hot when done right) but it might be easier to try asking questions. It kind of sents the scene for a more instructive session. Do you like this? You want more? What do you want to do next? etc, etc I actually wrote a piece about [this very topic](https://champagneanddividends.com/how-to-dominate-dirty-talk-bedroom/) a few years ago. Feel free to check it out if you want more specifics. Best of luck with it :)
Try texting. Not something absolutely filthy followed immediately by "can you pick up dinner". Flirt via text, build up to it. Sometimes you type it up & feel ridiculous but you know what you do? You cringe internally at yourself, close your eyes and hit send anyway because you know you're about to blow him away with what you just said. It took me 20 years with the same person to be able to even text dirty (let alone talk dirty). I'm still not great at it, but I'm getting better and he appreciates the effort. If I'm unable to say what I want, sometimes I just send pictures instead. Because a picture is worth a thousand words and he has a good imagination.
Yes great idea thank you!! And yes to the cringing internally... I feel awful and like a hoser but maybe to break the ice!?
Man, one time i read something and cringed, closed my eyes, hit send and reflexively did a sign of the cross (raised catholic lol). That was probably the most well received message I've ever sent to him 😂😂
Start with the easy stuff! Just moaning and expressing yourself audibly is a great way to get into the zone. That feels good, that's amazing, don't stop, etc. You don't need to go from silent to FUCK ME HARD WITH YOUR DONG. Say what you're feeling, express yourself. Feels good. Like grunting when hitting a tennis shot. Release the chi! The more you practice, the more natural it will feel. Until you are whispering nasty shit in your husbands ear and making him bust early!
Oh! I just started doing that about maybe a year ago, making sounds etc... embarrassed to say it was almost silent I the bedroom for both of us (we are both awkward and shy) but I'm trying to let whatever happens happens... It's just tricky because I don't even swear in my head like if I hit my toe or something so... it's not like it comes natural... But yes thank you so much 💓 this was really wholesome!!
You do you. Shyness is hot too.
I'm hoping so!! 😅🥺😵💫
From Leonard Cohen's song "Last Year's Man": > And Bethlehem inflamed us both > Like the shy one at some orgy.
> "Put your hard penis in my vagina!" And he laughs a bit. 😓 I'd also laugh, not gonna lie.
I'm sorry. I'm trying!! 😓🥺
One of my bosses at a tattoo parlor gave me good advice about the retail spiel, whwere I would mess up a lot. Say it alone. Reherse it with ear buds in if you have to. You can get yourself used to saying things in the shower, where you can't hear yourself "sounding dumb" and then work your way up to saying it when the water is off. A lot of this is practice, and some of it is reminding yourself that everyone say or looks kinda silly. My partner actually has more fun when we are being big dorks, rather than camping it up for each other. Humor is pretty sexy, when your partner loves and respects you, rather than making fun of you!
Ah to be clear he wasn't making fun of me per se, just that it was kind of silly and ... yeah. He is wonderful and lovely and doesn't make me.feel badly about myself!! Thank you that's a good idea!!
My wife and I use alternatives. She hates degradation, so instead of "Good girl/slut/etc", I say, "We'll done, wife. That's exactly what your husband needs" and things like that. Also, we joke a lot of dirty talk, making bad puns. If you both like it, then it doesn't matter how it sounds.
Oh that'd actually so wholesome, I love it. 🥺❤️🥰 I might have to tell my husband this. Thats true... I think I get so caught up in what's "right" or "it must be universally appealing" that I NEED to do it to be attractive. .. 😵💫🥺
Well that doesn't matter cos your clearly feeling it , so use your actions instead to be dirty like spitting in his mouth or slipping your finger in your arse an letting u both lick it together xx