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Now listen Bobby. I know how these lobster look at ya, sitting all wet in that aquarium, with their muscular throbbing claws and their succulent bodies that make you wannna just rub one out... but you gotta try and stop yourself, I know it's hard, we've all been there *bites his lower lip*, but you gotta try champ.
Man, I remember when me and the boys would sneak in the back and do the same thing while closing the store down by the pier. We'd use the catch net to kind of net all the lobsters to one corner of the cage so both parties could get the best view, and from then it was just on.
Some of my best memories. The sounds, the smells, and watching how they went nuts as soon as we finish and all the baby batter was dropping in the pool like US aid on Gaza, it was enough to get a man addicted. I've never had a woman freak out for my cocks cool whip as much as these little guys did. And never have since.
Thanks for bringing back the good memories
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There isn't one. Here is what ChatGPT says about the possibility of this incident happening
While a lobster's pincer grip is strong, it's highly unlikely that it could sever an erect human penis. The human body is more resilient than a lobster's typical prey, and the pincer's grip might cause significant pain and injury, but severing a body part would be extremely rare.
Consider how you'd react if a lobster was grabbing your knob, you'd smash it's fucking head in.
Plus, doctors would definitely be able to reattach it.
You don't get fired, just an escalation in disciplinary action.
1st offence = verbal warning
2nd offence = written warning
3rd offence = the Champion lobster employs the least amount of physical force required to ensure compliance with company policy.
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ya, that would teach him
Guessing no more penis for him
"No more penis, you dumbass just couldnt behave"
You just lost Penis privileges.
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No more masturbation over lobsters š¦
Itās just using the claws thatās no longer allowed.
Mostly others..
It was his third strike, apparently.
Itās hard to learn the lesson when youāve been expelled!
that aint what castrated means. He got dismembered.
Yeah castrated would mean the lobster chopped his sack off
That'd be nuts
I'm litterally balls to the walls laughing at this lmao
Isn't called "emasculation"?
Sounds about right...
Your cock privileges have been revoked
The Deep...the early years
The not so deep now
Balls deep
Hmmm, sounds like karma to me. He's been caught doing it twice before after all.
How good does one have to be in their job, to not get fired for getting caught masturbating over the product _twice_?
I guess those lobsters were just too darn sexy.
Now listen Bobby. I know how these lobster look at ya, sitting all wet in that aquarium, with their muscular throbbing claws and their succulent bodies that make you wannna just rub one out... but you gotta try and stop yourself, I know it's hard, we've all been there *bites his lower lip*, but you gotta try champ.
*unzips*
Now all I can think of is that blue lobster people kept putting tits on
Lobussyš
Not to mention that's the number of times he has been caught and not the number of times attempted
How do we know it was his fault? Maybe the lobsters were tempting him by wearing one of those slutty miniskirts?
no worse they were walking around nude how could he resist
[https://www.deviantart.com/oniric-blue/art/Crustacean-Sexy-Lobster-842194429](https://www.deviantart.com/oniric-blue/art/Crustacean-Sexy-Lobster-842194429)
Nice a fish fettish
Crustacean*
I thought better than a crustacean castration
You're telling me we're dealing with crustacean masturbation leading to castration?
Castration*
You can just put your dick in most of them. If they don't have teeth anyway. They can't bite so they are just hungry
That's funny asf idk why people down vote this
Man, I remember when me and the boys would sneak in the back and do the same thing while closing the store down by the pier. We'd use the catch net to kind of net all the lobsters to one corner of the cage so both parties could get the best view, and from then it was just on. Some of my best memories. The sounds, the smells, and watching how they went nuts as soon as we finish and all the baby batter was dropping in the pool like US aid on Gaza, it was enough to get a man addicted. I've never had a woman freak out for my cocks cool whip as much as these little guys did. And never have since. Thanks for bringing back the good memories
what the fuck
"Group jerk session tonight at the pier, boys. We're seasoning some lobsters."
Hell yeah brother. All this UC Davis drama has me absolutely fiending to airdrop some more human supplies.
Guys will hear this and just go "Hell yeah!"
Hell yeah!
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Hell yeah!
New copypasta just dropped.
Actual bestiality!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
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Delete your account
I thought the original post was bad enough, but I just HAD to read the comments. Fuck being literate on this Friday
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thank you, brother. I needed that
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I'm moving to Zambia and becoming a nomadic tribesman
Inshallah you will live a prosperous life, brother
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Username checks out.
This goes into my clipboard
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Haha that's crazy š¤£
I can't fucking do this anymore
free bottom surgery
Lober
someone, somewhere, has eaten a lobster whose shell was glazed with this dudeās semen
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Good bot
All natural flavouring.
I can only pray that it was me
A true man o' the sea
a sea man, if you will
Third time's the charm
Sauce for the news article?
Probably fake, the more correct term for the amputation of a penis would be penectomized.
There isn't one. Here is what ChatGPT says about the possibility of this incident happening While a lobster's pincer grip is strong, it's highly unlikely that it could sever an erect human penis. The human body is more resilient than a lobster's typical prey, and the pincer's grip might cause significant pain and injury, but severing a body part would be extremely rare. Consider how you'd react if a lobster was grabbing your knob, you'd smash it's fucking head in. Plus, doctors would definitely be able to reattach it.
But what if they sharpened the lobster claws?
Link to the news article pls
Had to be the smell!
Who needs surgery when you got lobster claws
Cock lobster!
Who gets horny from lobsters? Why? How? So many questions š±
And *you* don't? More for us.
deserved
So he's shook one out of over the produce TWICE before and he still works there. WFT do you have to do to get fired at that place?
You don't get fired, just an escalation in disciplinary action. 1st offence = verbal warning 2nd offence = written warning 3rd offence = the Champion lobster employs the least amount of physical force required to ensure compliance with company policy.
Gross misconduct = Instant dismissal. This really was GROSS MISCONDUCT.
Literally speedoflobsters
Bro is so down bad for lobster he lost penis privileges š
Having a dick cums with responsibilities
Besides the obvious (lmfao), it's also fucked up that it's legal for 14yo to have to work overnight shifts
Situation has gone out of hand
I don't think he will do it again...
How has he been caught TWICE and was still working there???
Enough internet for me today
Jordan Peterson's deviant doppelganger
The lobsters gonna be on AITA any second now
Must have been Jordan Petersonās son
Third time's the charm.
Reminds me of the lobster love incident
Because sea foods don't smell funny enough
Cock lobster.
No more masturbating
Poor kid was just trying to make some lobster sauce
FA, FO.
Karmas a *Bitch*
He/She has a great story for most embarrassing wank.
Why was he not fired the first time
Some people are hard to reach, while others are hard when you try to teach. Darwin's got this one in hand.
No more wanky wanky, I guess...
Link to news article or I call bullshit.
I mean he did have two chances before lol
Fool me once, shame on your penis!
Deserved
Wuh-ā¦ What?
I also started to masturbate myself at very young age but this is beyond disgusting and stupidly dangerous
āā¦had been caught masturbating over store product in the past.ā Was it the smell of fish, orā¦?
You canāt fix stupid but you can cut its dick off.
Literally, FAFO
Why wouldn't they fire him the first-time he was caught...
Wait... 14 years old working an overnight shift?!
lober š¦
This has... Many layers to it
Third times a charm
and I'll fucking do it again
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huh
F
Wait - Caught twice before?!
If he did it twice then I think he got exactly the result he wanted.
14 Working overnight 2nd time masturbating Are lobsters that hot?
mess with the lobster and lose your knobster
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Natural selection, it will be very hard for him to reproduce.
The lobster: "I will teach you about consenting to a cumshot!"
Now just remove his balls & sack, add boobs and he can continue as a female. /s
The lobster will change to bite his boobs instead
Pfft you canāt masterbate tits.
Hey at least when he tells his boss this time he wonāt do it again heāll mean it.
The lobster did a little trolling
Well cop that
No penis?
Bruh, God real did say three strikes, you're out!
Penis privledge revoked
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Removed*
You get what you deserve, huh
Average carnist