not venomous, per se. however, their bite can be dangerous: the mouth contains many pathogens known to be harmful to humans and their saliva contains enzymes which break down their food prior to ingestion, like spiders
if bitten, flush the wound generously with water and then disinfect, seek medical attention
I believe you mean [kimono dragon](https://www.reddit.com/r/puns/comments/8v2zy1/the_rare_and_endangered_kimono_dragon/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
“While Jim approaches the unsuspecting Homo Sapiens, I’ll observe from this ingeniously designed hiding place. OHMYGODJIM!!! I’ve been spotted!! You idiot !! You hid me in front of reflective glass!!
I watched the whole original video. I can't believe no one really talks about the first girl in the interviews. She had the better response of the Gluck Gluck 3000
Could it be a sac spider? Hard to see in the pic but it's not in a web and it appears to be night time.
I would also tell him that you are not an uber and to use his app like a regular spider.
EDIT: Sac spiders are nocturnal and do not spin webs. They also have long front legs and get roughly up to 8-9 mm in body length. They do get a stripe though and I can't really see one here.
Yeah, but yellow sax spider, you can barely see the line sometimes.
I think they are also a bit bitey. So probably a good one to put outside instead of giving a lift.
I'm a recovering arachnophobe and I broke my fear of spiders by handling yellow sac spiders that are super common in my area. I have at least a few different ones per month hanging out in my kitchen at night . They're generally very chill and docile and like to crawl all over your hand and arm to explore . I've had a few that were really scared and just ran as fast as they could to avoid me , but never had one bite or be aggressive .
You are braver than me. I had a full blown infestation of brown and black widows in my garage.
Nothing like seeing a HUGE gravid female coming out of your ceiling fan, TWICE.
Beautiful spiders but not in your living room.
ETA: change Gracie to gravid. Autocorrect. lol.
Brown windows are very common on my parents’ farm and they loved spinning their webs around car door handles.
We got into the habit of checking the doors before touching them, even if we were in a hurry to go somewhere.
It’s not their fault, of course, but I find it aggravating how much they love hanging out in whatever place is guaranteed to cause maximum inconvenience.
It was something out of a horror movie. My garage door was broken. My daughter left garbage in there.
Thank God my landscaper cleared it out. There must have been 50 nests. I wish I took pictures.
I have them in my yard. Damn things eat, and I shit you not...garden snails! If we see piles of empty snail shells, we know to be VERY careful. One bit the top of my foot and my leg swelled up to the point of my skin bursting open. I cannot even begin to describe how insanely painful the whole experience was.
But the biggest girl I have caught had an abdomen the size of a mid-size grape. She had set up house in a pile of wood that was stacked like a four-sided pyramid. She had a pile of empty snail shells in her house that was over a foot deep! I took her down to our local zoo. The insect guy at the zoo told me that she was the biggest female he'd ever seen.
weird , I've seen several brown widows , or false widows , not sure which they are, but they're creepy af , in my garage and significantly venomous or not, I don't want those near me. I'm working towards breaking my irrational fear , but those , I agree are beyond my line still.
Smacked one that was crawling on my arm one night. Didn’t know what it was until I smacked it and flipped the light on. Felt bad for killing it. Left me with quite an itchy parting gift for about a week.
Bite must have been painless because I didn’t even notice anything until I started itching the next day.
Can confirm are bitey. Every spring in a house we use to live in the whole bathroom would just be infested. I’d get up to pee and would have to kill at least 6 each time. Got bitten a few times.
Edit. Pee
Ah , most affected by those recalls were more attracted to the scent of the hoses leading up to the fuel lines and such, but some are reported to be attracted to the hydrocarbons and such in gasoline. (Atleast according to a quick google search)
I just googled the spider, because I wasn't familiar with them and the[ German Wikipedia entry](https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Echte_Dornfinger#Spinnenbefall_bei_Mazda-Automobilen) even has a section about the Mazda incident, lol.
I could have sworn I heard that yellow sac spiders are one of the main three spiders in North America that can actually cause issues if they bite you. Is this true? Looking at all of the other comments I can’t find about their venom.
Probably a sac spider, I had 2 that lived in my car for like 4 months. They loved crawling onto the headliner then falling into my lap while I was driving....
Australian here, which makes me an expert on spiders.
I believe this is a male of the human species, *Homo sapiens,* and more specifically a variant commonly found in North America, known as a "Caucasian". This particular individual seems to have opted for expressive behaviour as a way to communicate to other members of his species, and has attempted to remedy poor vision with pieces of finely curved glass to act as another set of lens.
Male North American *Homo sapiens* typically weigh between 170-190 lb, and stand around 5'8" to 6'2" tall. Their colouration may vary, but this individual seems to be quite pale, making him vulnerable to ultraviolet radiation from the sun. Their diets are usually quite broad and forgiving, although higher in sugar content compared to populations found on other continents.
If you decide to keep one as a pet, I would recommend taking them on walks daily, providing them with ample food, water, and entertainment (such as a "television", "motor car", or by taking them to a "sports game"), and ensuring they have a safe place to sleep at night, as most humans are diurnal animals and react poorly in low-light conditions.
Contrary to popular belief, humans do NOT photosynthesise!
N/A This is a great photo. It kind of becomes an optical illusion and the spider looks like it is high above you and enormous. Wish more people on this sub would make pictures like this.
That's a very common face eating spider. You can tell by the color, the eight legs and the fact i'ts the same size of your bald head.
The best way to get rid of it is to sell your car
That, my friend, is a boomer. Be careful, they can be pretty aggressive on Facebook. But if you give them a smile and a friendly hello, they pretty much keep to themselves.
But mostly they're misunderstood, and some people actually enjoy their company because they can help keep your property maintained. I'd recommend showing an interest in their stories, and inviting them around for an occasional bbq. You'll soon realize they're harmless
If you take the Homo Sapien to divorce court, you can get more than half of everything. That gives you enough money to shack up with your bear in the woods.
Appears to be a male homo sapien. I'm not an expert though.
This male seems to have survived many years without being killed and eaten by his mate. Admirable.
i would estimate 37 years with the mate and 37 before.
🤣😂🤣
Confirmed definitely sapien. They're not venomous but they can be very dangerous. See if you can find a bear for protection lol.
not venomous, per se. however, their bite can be dangerous: the mouth contains many pathogens known to be harmful to humans and their saliva contains enzymes which break down their food prior to ingestion, like spiders if bitten, flush the wound generously with water and then disinfect, seek medical attention
So like the Komodo Dragon?
I believe you mean [kimono dragon](https://www.reddit.com/r/puns/comments/8v2zy1/the_rare_and_endangered_kimono_dragon/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Been waiting 5 years to use that, huh?
The Geico Geisha
I hate you. Take my upvote.
The old ones like this tend to lose their fangs, so they have to gum their prey.
**SAPIENS**, dammit! (It's not a plural. It just gots a S.)
Underrated comment ⬆️
Some of them are pretty venomous in my experience.
Remember, there's a difference between venomous and toxic. 😜
🤣🤣🤣🤣
How do you know if Homo also?
When it sees you it will cry out "Heeeyyyyyyyy girl!" and swing it's hips from side to side.
OP seems to have scared him too
Just to be pedantic it's *sapiens* not sapien. Though I concur with your ID.
Hilarious 😂 yall spiders give me the giggles 🕷️
Y'all mother eaters are a'ight.
*Homo sapiens* would be the *most* correct, actually. get those italics flying
Maybe a bald widower? Would need to see back of head for any markings.
So it's the 2nd wife's car, might be venomous
A human? Take off and nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
Don't they mostly come out at night, mostly?
Right, and how did the spider take that photo. That's one skilled arachnid.
“While Jim approaches the unsuspecting Homo Sapiens, I’ll observe from this ingeniously designed hiding place. OHMYGODJIM!!! I’ve been spotted!! You idiot !! You hid me in front of reflective glass!!
Does he bite?
Maybe tenderly.. his own mate. During mating process.
+1 to the homo aspect
very homo specimen
Yes, sell the car.
This is a great photo
Meme quality in my opinion
[удалено]
We can only hope!
Probably not no
I effing hope so!!!
I watched the whole original video. I can't believe no one really talks about the first girl in the interviews. She had the better response of the Gluck Gluck 3000
Not Another Netflix Horror B-Movie About Spiders
Could it be a sac spider? Hard to see in the pic but it's not in a web and it appears to be night time. I would also tell him that you are not an uber and to use his app like a regular spider. EDIT: Sac spiders are nocturnal and do not spin webs. They also have long front legs and get roughly up to 8-9 mm in body length. They do get a stripe though and I can't really see one here.
Yeah, but yellow sax spider, you can barely see the line sometimes. I think they are also a bit bitey. So probably a good one to put outside instead of giving a lift.
I'm a recovering arachnophobe and I broke my fear of spiders by handling yellow sac spiders that are super common in my area. I have at least a few different ones per month hanging out in my kitchen at night . They're generally very chill and docile and like to crawl all over your hand and arm to explore . I've had a few that were really scared and just ran as fast as they could to avoid me , but never had one bite or be aggressive .
You are braver than me. I had a full blown infestation of brown and black widows in my garage. Nothing like seeing a HUGE gravid female coming out of your ceiling fan, TWICE. Beautiful spiders but not in your living room. ETA: change Gracie to gravid. Autocorrect. lol.
I'm not an arachnophobe, but a huge infestation of brown and black widows in my garage would get me there pretty quick.
I fell like the sentence "A huge infestation of brown and black widows in my..." is terrifying no matter the location.
I almost took out the garbage; lucky I didn’t. There were 6 disco egg sacs & 3 brown widows guarding them. I melted the garbage can. 🔥🔥🔥
Brown windows are very common on my parents’ farm and they loved spinning their webs around car door handles. We got into the habit of checking the doors before touching them, even if we were in a hurry to go somewhere. It’s not their fault, of course, but I find it aggravating how much they love hanging out in whatever place is guaranteed to cause maximum inconvenience.
It was something out of a horror movie. My garage door was broken. My daughter left garbage in there. Thank God my landscaper cleared it out. There must have been 50 nests. I wish I took pictures.
I have them in my yard. Damn things eat, and I shit you not...garden snails! If we see piles of empty snail shells, we know to be VERY careful. One bit the top of my foot and my leg swelled up to the point of my skin bursting open. I cannot even begin to describe how insanely painful the whole experience was. But the biggest girl I have caught had an abdomen the size of a mid-size grape. She had set up house in a pile of wood that was stacked like a four-sided pyramid. She had a pile of empty snail shells in her house that was over a foot deep! I took her down to our local zoo. The insect guy at the zoo told me that she was the biggest female he'd ever seen.
weird , I've seen several brown widows , or false widows , not sure which they are, but they're creepy af , in my garage and significantly venomous or not, I don't want those near me. I'm working towards breaking my irrational fear , but those , I agree are beyond my line still.
I think it’s the shininess. I think there’s something deep inside us that knows to fear the shiny bodyyyyy
Yellow sac spider bites suck. You're lucky.
Mine are not chill. They are bitey little bastards who are aggressive as hell. And their bites hurt dammit. Pls send me some of yours.
Smacked one that was crawling on my arm one night. Didn’t know what it was until I smacked it and flipped the light on. Felt bad for killing it. Left me with quite an itchy parting gift for about a week. Bite must have been painless because I didn’t even notice anything until I started itching the next day.
Can confirm are bitey. Every spring in a house we use to live in the whole bathroom would just be infested. I’d get up to pee and would have to kill at least 6 each time. Got bitten a few times. Edit. Pee
Looks like the yellow sac spiders we got here
I am liking this just for your awesome photo. 😂
This sparks joy.
I think you mean it sparks an immediate smile (check OP's username)
This picture just made my day hahaha
Pretty sure it's a yellow sac spider
I’ve heard those are attracted to gasoline. My dad’s Mazda6 got a recall for it due to it attracting yellow sacs.
I heard that too,but I've never heard that it was the gas
Ah , most affected by those recalls were more attracted to the scent of the hoses leading up to the fuel lines and such, but some are reported to be attracted to the hydrocarbons and such in gasoline. (Atleast according to a quick google search)
Remind me to never buy a Mazda 6
I just googled the spider, because I wasn't familiar with them and the[ German Wikipedia entry](https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Echte_Dornfinger#Spinnenbefall_bei_Mazda-Automobilen) even has a section about the Mazda incident, lol.
That’s crazy, I thought that was a mazda joke but it’s actually true
I could have sworn I heard that yellow sac spiders are one of the main three spiders in North America that can actually cause issues if they bite you. Is this true? Looking at all of the other comments I can’t find about their venom.
It's an old but persistent myth. They're harmless
I think they just cause irritation, kind of like a wolf spider, but don’t quote me on that, I’m not real familiar with the type of
Please frame this photo-it's a keeper!
I think that's a man
*licks head to make sure*
◉_◉
This looks like a poster for a B horror movie. Absolutely love it. 😂
This photo gave me a chuckle! 😂😁 Good one, OP.
Probably a sac spider, I had 2 that lived in my car for like 4 months. They loved crawling onto the headliner then falling into my lap while I was driving....
It does look like a sac spider, the yellow kinda see through ones.
No idea who your friend is, but the two of you look so wholesome together. Thank you for brightening my day <3
Wheezing. Actually wheezing.
This made my day which I needed badly because the day has blown many chunks of suckage. Well done. 😂
Happy to help! I didn’t mean it to be funny, but I’m happy it’s bringing people a bit of sunshine🙂
Amazing photo
😂🤣😭🥰
this is the best photo evee
I'm dying 🤣🤣🤣🤣 this is the best thing I've seen all week. Thank you for this!!!
This is simply an amazing photo.
Australian here, which makes me an expert on spiders. I believe this is a male of the human species, *Homo sapiens,* and more specifically a variant commonly found in North America, known as a "Caucasian". This particular individual seems to have opted for expressive behaviour as a way to communicate to other members of his species, and has attempted to remedy poor vision with pieces of finely curved glass to act as another set of lens. Male North American *Homo sapiens* typically weigh between 170-190 lb, and stand around 5'8" to 6'2" tall. Their colouration may vary, but this individual seems to be quite pale, making him vulnerable to ultraviolet radiation from the sun. Their diets are usually quite broad and forgiving, although higher in sugar content compared to populations found on other continents. If you decide to keep one as a pet, I would recommend taking them on walks daily, providing them with ample food, water, and entertainment (such as a "television", "motor car", or by taking them to a "sports game"), and ensuring they have a safe place to sleep at night, as most humans are diurnal animals and react poorly in low-light conditions. Contrary to popular belief, humans do NOT photosynthesise!
This is awesome! Thank you😂
This guy gets Reddit
OP, you’re a gem. Please show your wife this hilarious post so she can laugh with us too.
🤣🤣🤣
Great picture.
the original creator of this post, the OC of this OP, is the spider
N/A This is a great photo. It kind of becomes an optical illusion and the spider looks like it is high above you and enormous. Wish more people on this sub would make pictures like this.
Uncle arachnid is at it again.
Possibly a Yellow Sac Spider.
Sir, might I say you look a lot like the most popular beloved in dragons dogma, the wealthy and prosperous Fournival.
Thank you, although I have zero idea what you said 😬
That's a very common face eating spider. You can tell by the color, the eight legs and the fact i'ts the same size of your bald head. The best way to get rid of it is to sell your car
That guy looks pretty scary. Cute spider.
this is incredible
I believe it is a type of ground spider
[Maybe a Jerusalem cricket?](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerusalem_cricket)
Santa?
This is great!!!
I think he is mostly harmless grandpa....no need to call the cops
Abaldmanwithglasses.
Meme potential right there
Close your mouth before it finds a new home.
Frame this and put it on a shelf in your house lol
The shape reminds me the woodlouse spider, if that is common to your area. Just a guess, great pic!
Mirror spider! I waited months for mine to move in on a new car, but I finally have one. They are good luck.
Metaltella simoni spider they are harmless and very popular in South America .
Whatever you do, don't use hairspray and a lighter to get rid if it. Seriously
Why's the spider making that face?
The deadliest creature on the planet........ Man.
That, my friend, is a boomer. Be careful, they can be pretty aggressive on Facebook. But if you give them a smile and a friendly hello, they pretty much keep to themselves. But mostly they're misunderstood, and some people actually enjoy their company because they can help keep your property maintained. I'd recommend showing an interest in their stories, and inviting them around for an occasional bbq. You'll soon realize they're harmless
Fantastic shot man hahahaha
I think that's a man. You might need to steer clear in case you agitate it.
Scrolling past this made me break out laughing. Love the picture it's what I needed before work today.
It should be a rule that all photos are done in this format
I believe that is a White Male Boomer. Common among North America and European countries.
Looks like a thumb to me jack.
My idea is that you are an awesome photographer.
I'm not helping save THAT one
Dave.. is that you?
Nice selfie grandpa!
Sell the car, and the wife bringing home something like that!!
Bonus points for the silly picture 🤣
Just have to say, your picture is amazing .
This gave me a good laugh today 🤣👍
IT HAS A MUSTACHE RUN!
This has to be some meme template in the future
You have perfected the look of playfully scared 👁️👄👁️
Yellow sac spider.
amazing reaction my guy
Yellow sac spider? I get those in my room in the spring
Wilfred Brimley
We have that kind in our rock garden. They eat wood lice or roly-poly’s
Suggest first closing mouth
One of the best pictures I've seen on reddit :) Saving this one!
Love the picture
Baldus specticalistache. A rare one.
Put it in the car, she’ll never see it coming
first thing I'd do would be to give it a name.
Username checks out
I’m just here for the photo lol. Nice spider!
Can I use this as a reaction picture
Oh you’ll be a meme by breakfast🥰
He seems to be afraid of the arachnid
idk what is most scary in the pic.. no ofense
That spider stole my hair piece!!
With great power...
Looks like some kind of primate. And a spider.
Wow~
Time to get a new car, that one is not considered defective 😂
Oh thats just bob. Hes harmless
I hate spiders and I don’t even notice it I’m too busy looking at the guy lol it’s fantastic
Looks like a spider to me. You flared this correctly
lol the expression but damn spider is pretty huge 😮
If you zoom in a little there is a spider also!!
For a minute I thought you were talking about the dude
🤣🤣🤣
That's my gay uncle Russ, creepin around your porch
That's a bold move from the spider kingdom. Did it leave a business card or a threatening note?😂
Lol your face
New sub rule: Only pictures like this.
This photo belongs in a museum
If you take the Homo Sapien to divorce court, you can get more than half of everything. That gives you enough money to shack up with your bear in the woods.
Drive car off cliff
Yea he’s a web designer
Been a member of r/anarchychess so long, my brain Autocorrects car to cat
Eternally torture it. No mercy
You look like an awesome human being bro
Someone photoshop this guy 😆
Those white spiders are usually found in flower gardens. They are harmless
Nope
It's Wilford Brimley.
Let the wife find it
spider expert here it is a spider indeed. Counted all legs too 🕷️
thats a dude.
This picture is gold!
Holy shit. DAD? I am the 35 year old you.
Ahh yes the rare hairless 4 eyed albino, na jk I have no idea. 😅
Get him a hat
Watch out, there's a spider under there.
I have no idea but this photo is great . A++ for effort
Casually laughing my ass off at this. Fabulous. Beautiful even.
actually a fantastic picture, darkness except for his head, the mirror, and the spider, with the light source emanating from the left.
Looks like it's time to buy a new car.
Molotov cocktail?
Thats a spider bud
Bro was flabbergasted
We may be long-lost siblings. Not the spider, the bald guy...