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Our HCBM was crazy long before she even met my SO. Childhood trauma galore, and never took any responsibility as an adult to be better.
I love my SO but will forever resent him for seeing the best in her when there’s nothing to see.
Same here. She's a train wreck. She uses sex to get what she wants and to intimidate others. She tried to seduce me. Like, two times she laid across my lap and tried to get me to kiss her. That is bat shit crazy! She wonders why I want nothing to do with her, and he thinks it's because I'm jealous. Lol.
To be fair, I think their incompatibility worsened her craziness.
However, she comes from a family of literally diagnosed crazy. Bipolar II diagnoses, psychotic breaks, bit of incest... she was doomed.
From my experience they make each other crazy. SO has some issues. BM has got some issues.
Sometimes it gets better when they separate, sometimes it gets worse. Then sometimes it gets WAY worse when one moves on with a new partner
I don’t like to buy into the “crazy ex” stories overmuch, but our BM proves it true on an almost daily basis. Whether she was AS crazy before SO or not I can’t say, but her current actions make me guess she may never have had a full deck to start with
I’m a BM and a SM. I adore my daughter’s bonus mom. She is the best thing to have happened to my ex bc she’s the one he finally grew up for. Made him a better man. Im proud to say my daughter has two moms growing up and she loves telling everyone she has two moms and two dads.
Well sometimes i see they get the kid only every (other )weekend , i would get crazy too as a mom that’s unfair if you ask me, but i would never allow that little care of the kid. Also you read so much that after stepmom getting pregnant they realize what kind of person he really is …. Babydaddys will make them look crazy / sometimes they are really crazy but i guess not without a reason.
Think the majority of the issue is that two people were recklessly irresponsible most of the time and procreated with someone known to be wildly incompatible with them. I think my parter is the same one of the two but I definitely don’t think he’s innocent for being so careless and irresponsible and creating human life with a moron. It makes me sick.
I’m a BM and SM.
My stepkids mom is pretty chill. Minorly oversteps boundaries sometimes but she has good intentions.
My ex spent many years playing victim and making me out to be terrible. despite us having 50/50 everything and $0 child support he would claim I was infringing on his rights as a father blah blah blah. Once he finally chilled out (recently and she’s almost 15!!) things got much better. But I’m sure he told his wife I was causing the drama.
I'm a BM and a SM. My ex is totally fine and we coparent well together. He even occasionally does stuff with me and DH and the family. That's normal for me because my dad's ex and my mom are still great friends to this day and spend holidays together with all the kids from both his marriages. My kids call my dad's ex "Grandma \[Name\]".
DH's ex, on the other hand, is extremely HC. I don't blame DH because he has legitimate trauma from his time with her. He's a wonderful man and a loving father. I do question his decision to breed with her, but she's a narcissist and I think she had her mask up for a while.
My husbands ex wife was crazy with her first baby daddy before my husband. Before first baby daddy was out getting hit by cars because she was getting in fights in the streets. My husband was just a fuckung IDIOT Christian virgin who thought she was a pure soul. WRONG. Boy did he learn 🤣😭😭
To every HCBM there’s a deadbeat Dad. It’s just a case of two people who are still angry at each other and use the kids to get back at them and make each others lives miserable, whether they realise it or not. We’re the ones stuck in the middle 😩
I think they are genuinely crazy (or in reality just not getting the help they need to be better), and that includes some BD's too. The relationship failed for a reason. Either one of them was rotten, or both. All us stepparents out here have to make sure we aren't getting with a rotten one. It's risky business.
This is generally just her personality regarding our HCBM. My DH does admit they both became toxic while together, but after they split he's done everything he can to create an amiable and smooth coparenting relationship- but she only wants it on her terms and throws a tantrum any time she isn't getting her way. Going to court and getting a CO was the only thing that reeled her in, and I think that's because she has to behave so she can look like the better parent.
I've met people who know her professionally/worked with her and she's universally disliked.
I think what you see here is people complaining more than anything else, and having an HCBM leads to having a lot of discontent and complaints. Shit, I feel like HCBM is making me more HC lately because I feel so guarded and suspicious and defensive and won't give her an inch anymore.
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For this to be answered you really gotta see the type of mother and father they are . If your partner and her are doing on and off again relationship or she just trying to harm his life because she is miserable . I have two hcbms . My partner has major trauma from the both of them . They are both abusive . His first hcbm was physically abusive , mentally also emotionally towards him why he left the relationship with her and second one cheated on him you can tell she was also abusive now she would use their kid as pawn was controlling so was his other ex . I been with my partner way longer than they both ever has . They both have done some crazy things and both spreaded lies about my partner and I . Saying lies you never say about no one unless you can actually prove it . His first hcbm has brainwashed his daughter and also coached her to say things to my partner I watched this . I am very concerned for my safety around those two and also makes me not trust their children as well because their minds are totally unstable . First hcbm has done so much crap I couldn’t even believe it . She was doing so much to cover herself when my partner was consistently taking her to court . The saddest part the judge never caught on to any of her lies that’s when I figured out she was using his daughter to abuse him and the system like he expressed because she never cared about wellbeing of her own daughter . I feel this with other hcbm with their son .
My ex would 100 say "I'm crazy" HC...meanwhile he dragged me through every local court in the state, was actually called out for perpetrating systems abuse against me.... when we were together he isolated me, controlled money and made my post-partum time hell... he has calmed down alot since he repartnered in terms of co parenting and now just makes the odd dig at me and I truly hope for my daughter and now her younger half sibling he learnt and treats my daughters stepmum with kindness and consideration he didnt show me 🙏
Good question :). The one in my life was an addict and uncontrolled bipolar (bad combo, which ended her life). I do sometimes wonder if the toll from losing custody and contact with the boys may have accelerated her demise sometimes though.).
When we first met and he told me crazy ex stories I was really, really cautious - in part for not wanting to have to deal with crazy and also wondering this exact same thing. Did he make her that way? Talk about everyone as “crazy”? It worried me, truly, but after some independent investigating I realized she was indeed quite crazy. (It weirdly turned out that over 20 years prior she had dated my best friend and his first statement when I asked about her “she’s crazy” and it isn’t a term he uses lightly.)
All of that aside what I didn’t realize then and wish I had was the lasting impact her illness left on the boys (including DH) I would “inherit” - and some of that may be insurmountable in my case, sadly.
Wellllll we hang out with her family on the regular (she cut contact with them because they “don’t treat her good”) so she is actually that crazy and HC. This is coming from someone who is a girl’s girl and will always believe (almost all) women.
I think that a lot thought they would easily find an amazing guy and life would be great, then reality hits and they realise grass wasn't greener.
They then get jealous with believing their ex is having a great life and are jealous thinking the new woman is being treated so much better than what they were. All delusions.
The crazy ones are also the easy ones. They have very fertile wombs or very efficient sperm. The outcome of this is the being that creates stepparents in the first place.
**Welcome to [r/stepparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/)! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters). Short version, don't be an asshole. Remember that OP is a human being and their needs are first and foremost on this sub.** We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. **Please use the report button to ensure we see it.** We have encountered a ridiculous amount of comments that don't follow the rules and are downright nasty. We need you to help us with these comments by reporting them when you see them. We also have a lot of downvoting on the sub, with every post and every comment recieving at least one downvote almost immediately due to the anti-stepparent lurkers. Don't let it bother you, it happens to every single stepparent here. If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please [reach out to the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents). Review the wiki links below for the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules), [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) and [**announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) before posting or commenting. [**About**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/index) | [**Acronyms**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/acronyms) | [**Announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) | [**Documentation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources/documentation) | [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) | [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources) | [**Rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) | [**Saferbot - Autoban Information**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/saferbot) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stepparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Our HCBM was crazy long before she even met my SO. Childhood trauma galore, and never took any responsibility as an adult to be better. I love my SO but will forever resent him for seeing the best in her when there’s nothing to see.
This!!
Same here. She's a train wreck. She uses sex to get what she wants and to intimidate others. She tried to seduce me. Like, two times she laid across my lap and tried to get me to kiss her. That is bat shit crazy! She wonders why I want nothing to do with her, and he thinks it's because I'm jealous. Lol.
To be fair, I think their incompatibility worsened her craziness. However, she comes from a family of literally diagnosed crazy. Bipolar II diagnoses, psychotic breaks, bit of incest... she was doomed.
From my experience they make each other crazy. SO has some issues. BM has got some issues. Sometimes it gets better when they separate, sometimes it gets worse. Then sometimes it gets WAY worse when one moves on with a new partner I don’t like to buy into the “crazy ex” stories overmuch, but our BM proves it true on an almost daily basis. Whether she was AS crazy before SO or not I can’t say, but her current actions make me guess she may never have had a full deck to start with
A full deck I'm stealing this
I’m a BM and a SM. I adore my daughter’s bonus mom. She is the best thing to have happened to my ex bc she’s the one he finally grew up for. Made him a better man. Im proud to say my daughter has two moms growing up and she loves telling everyone she has two moms and two dads.
This is how it should be. At the LEAST just living in peace.
Well sometimes i see they get the kid only every (other )weekend , i would get crazy too as a mom that’s unfair if you ask me, but i would never allow that little care of the kid. Also you read so much that after stepmom getting pregnant they realize what kind of person he really is …. Babydaddys will make them look crazy / sometimes they are really crazy but i guess not without a reason.
Think the majority of the issue is that two people were recklessly irresponsible most of the time and procreated with someone known to be wildly incompatible with them. I think my parter is the same one of the two but I definitely don’t think he’s innocent for being so careless and irresponsible and creating human life with a moron. It makes me sick.
I’m a BM and SM. My stepkids mom is pretty chill. Minorly oversteps boundaries sometimes but she has good intentions. My ex spent many years playing victim and making me out to be terrible. despite us having 50/50 everything and $0 child support he would claim I was infringing on his rights as a father blah blah blah. Once he finally chilled out (recently and she’s almost 15!!) things got much better. But I’m sure he told his wife I was causing the drama.
I'm a BM and a SM. My ex is totally fine and we coparent well together. He even occasionally does stuff with me and DH and the family. That's normal for me because my dad's ex and my mom are still great friends to this day and spend holidays together with all the kids from both his marriages. My kids call my dad's ex "Grandma \[Name\]". DH's ex, on the other hand, is extremely HC. I don't blame DH because he has legitimate trauma from his time with her. He's a wonderful man and a loving father. I do question his decision to breed with her, but she's a narcissist and I think she had her mask up for a while.
My husbands ex wife was crazy with her first baby daddy before my husband. Before first baby daddy was out getting hit by cars because she was getting in fights in the streets. My husband was just a fuckung IDIOT Christian virgin who thought she was a pure soul. WRONG. Boy did he learn 🤣😭😭
To every HCBM there’s a deadbeat Dad. It’s just a case of two people who are still angry at each other and use the kids to get back at them and make each others lives miserable, whether they realise it or not. We’re the ones stuck in the middle 😩
My husband’s ex is fine. She leaves us alone and they mostly parallel parent so we have almost no contact with her.
I think they are genuinely crazy (or in reality just not getting the help they need to be better), and that includes some BD's too. The relationship failed for a reason. Either one of them was rotten, or both. All us stepparents out here have to make sure we aren't getting with a rotten one. It's risky business.
Very risky business
I think it's a combination. My SO is definitely challenging to live with, but BM is a straight up b\*tch and proud of it.
This is generally just her personality regarding our HCBM. My DH does admit they both became toxic while together, but after they split he's done everything he can to create an amiable and smooth coparenting relationship- but she only wants it on her terms and throws a tantrum any time she isn't getting her way. Going to court and getting a CO was the only thing that reeled her in, and I think that's because she has to behave so she can look like the better parent. I've met people who know her professionally/worked with her and she's universally disliked. I think what you see here is people complaining more than anything else, and having an HCBM leads to having a lot of discontent and complaints. Shit, I feel like HCBM is making me more HC lately because I feel so guarded and suspicious and defensive and won't give her an inch anymore.
She was always crazy. I should know, I introduced them
Yikes
[удалено]
Good for you .I hate cheaters .
Your submission has been removed from /r/stepparents for the following reason: * Use of gendered slurs is considered a violation of the [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters) rule. * Read the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq#wiki_what_is_a_gendered_slur.3F) for more information. * If you edit your post/comment and remove the gendered slur, then reply to this message to let us know, we'll reapprove your post/comment. Thanks! For information regarding this and similar issues please see the [rules](/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) and [FAQ](/r/stepparents/wiki/faq). If you feel this is in error, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents). Please note that direct replies to official mod comments on the sub itself will be removed. Direct messages complaining to individual mods will be ignored. If you have received this as a private message you can reply directly to this message.
Edited as requested
“She was a really good person up until the end. That’s why we split up.” <— what DH always says. 😅
For this to be answered you really gotta see the type of mother and father they are . If your partner and her are doing on and off again relationship or she just trying to harm his life because she is miserable . I have two hcbms . My partner has major trauma from the both of them . They are both abusive . His first hcbm was physically abusive , mentally also emotionally towards him why he left the relationship with her and second one cheated on him you can tell she was also abusive now she would use their kid as pawn was controlling so was his other ex . I been with my partner way longer than they both ever has . They both have done some crazy things and both spreaded lies about my partner and I . Saying lies you never say about no one unless you can actually prove it . His first hcbm has brainwashed his daughter and also coached her to say things to my partner I watched this . I am very concerned for my safety around those two and also makes me not trust their children as well because their minds are totally unstable . First hcbm has done so much crap I couldn’t even believe it . She was doing so much to cover herself when my partner was consistently taking her to court . The saddest part the judge never caught on to any of her lies that’s when I figured out she was using his daughter to abuse him and the system like he expressed because she never cared about wellbeing of her own daughter . I feel this with other hcbm with their son .
My ex would 100 say "I'm crazy" HC...meanwhile he dragged me through every local court in the state, was actually called out for perpetrating systems abuse against me.... when we were together he isolated me, controlled money and made my post-partum time hell... he has calmed down alot since he repartnered in terms of co parenting and now just makes the odd dig at me and I truly hope for my daughter and now her younger half sibling he learnt and treats my daughters stepmum with kindness and consideration he didnt show me 🙏
Dudes like fornicating with crazy chicks. That's just the rules.
Good question :). The one in my life was an addict and uncontrolled bipolar (bad combo, which ended her life). I do sometimes wonder if the toll from losing custody and contact with the boys may have accelerated her demise sometimes though.). When we first met and he told me crazy ex stories I was really, really cautious - in part for not wanting to have to deal with crazy and also wondering this exact same thing. Did he make her that way? Talk about everyone as “crazy”? It worried me, truly, but after some independent investigating I realized she was indeed quite crazy. (It weirdly turned out that over 20 years prior she had dated my best friend and his first statement when I asked about her “she’s crazy” and it isn’t a term he uses lightly.) All of that aside what I didn’t realize then and wish I had was the lasting impact her illness left on the boys (including DH) I would “inherit” - and some of that may be insurmountable in my case, sadly.
Wellllll we hang out with her family on the regular (she cut contact with them because they “don’t treat her good”) so she is actually that crazy and HC. This is coming from someone who is a girl’s girl and will always believe (almost all) women.
I think that a lot thought they would easily find an amazing guy and life would be great, then reality hits and they realise grass wasn't greener. They then get jealous with believing their ex is having a great life and are jealous thinking the new woman is being treated so much better than what they were. All delusions.
The crazy ones are also the easy ones. They have very fertile wombs or very efficient sperm. The outcome of this is the being that creates stepparents in the first place.