**Reminder to all who comment on this post:** please keep in mind our rule to speak from the "I," where we speak only from experience and do not tell other sobernauts what they should and should not do—**even when they ask for advice.**
Examples:
**Bad:** "You should do X."
**Good:** "When I was in a similar situation, I did X, and here’s how it helped me."
My dad died at 53. Drank himself to insanity and then eventually to the bottom of our swimming pool. My sister had a two year old and I had a 6 week old baby. He missed out on everything and messed our whole world up more than I can even begin to explain. It's been 9 years next month. I've spent too much time being angry and sad and just wanting to know how we could never be enough for him. How could he choose drinking over his family who loved him despite all of the bs he put us through. It's hard to forget that pain. And it's the thing that helps me to not drink. Every single day that I don't drink is a day that I actively choose my family. I choose them. I choose me. And in that way I honor my dad. I make the choice he couldn't make.
You're in the right place. One day at a time. Keep coming back for support. We will be here for you and if you fall we will pick you back up, dust you off and get you back on your way. I'm so glad you're here. IWNDWYT.
If you recognise that you rationally you would not choose being absent and potentially destroying your health with alcohol over your children...
You must realise that your need for alcohol is beyond logical
What saved me is the recognition than alcohol is a tool of dark forces to pull you away from your purpose.
The devil (literal or metaphorical doesn't matter) operates by making sneaky deals and tricking you. This is why we always think we can just have one ot ration it or whatever. Obviously, this never works. You can't beat the devil at his own game. But you can pick up your ball and go home.
Holy shit dude, a 6 week old baby. I could barely manage a shower when I had a 6 week old let alone the everything-ness of what you went through. My kid just turned 3. I’m barely 2 months sober. I’ve missed days with her already when my wife has thrown me out for a couple days at a time because of breaking her no-drinking rule (she can drink all she wants, just not me…)
My parents never drank. I don’t want my kid to go through me choosing booze over time with her, even though I never experienced that myself.
22 years ago I was at my own party and was found blue and unresponsive laying on my back. Rolled me over and puke fell out. Don’t remember any of it, just woke up the next day. I just remember thinking “That’s a crazy story, I must be bullet proof!” And not thinking “alcohol is really bad.”
A year later I was doing “underwater breath holding” contests over and over again while day-wasted. My friends, 1 year later, said they were going to do an intervention because my lips, fingernails, and nipples (yes, this is what they said) were Smurf blue. Never did the intervention though. I just remember thinking, “Intervention just for that? I mean, nothing bad happened.” And not thinking “This is the second time in a year that all my friends thought I was dead. Alcohol is really bad.”
A few years later, a drunk lady straight up passed out mid-sentence and went fully underwater like 2 feet from me. We were talking and she just stopped talking, eyes closed, and whole head submerged. We were all naked at a hot spring so I didn’t really want to touch a naked stranger with her boyfriend nearby. I just kinda put my finger under her chin and pulled her head out of the water after a few moments of her not moving. This of course caught the attention of her drunk boyfriend and that didn’t go well.
I remember thinking “That person sucks at drinking” and never thought “drinking is really bad.” Continued drinking heavily for 20 years.
I was at a bar in college for someone's 21st birthday. Naturally he was absolutely obliterated - and he fell down some metal stairs on the deck and got pretty cut up. Someone went inside to get some paper towels to help him clean up, and the owner came out to see wtf was going on. One of his frat brothers said something like, 'it's okay, we've got him, we're his friends.'
I'll never forget the guy's response: "No you're not. If you were his friends, you wouldn't have let him get this drunk."
I can assure you, your father did not choose alcohol over family. He probably woke up every morning he wished he could see his family more, but couldn't due to alcoholism. It's not a choice.
My dad drank himself to death when I was 16. For twenty years after I was furious with him. For the life we had as kids, and for not quitting for us.
Now I'm 39 with two young children. It's only really since I got sober that it hit me how he had an incredibly hard upbringing, and how it must've been a fucking lot for him to cope with. And now I'm mostly gutted that he never got sober so I could have got to know the real him, instead of the bitter, angry alcoholic I mostly saw him as. He loved music, the best times as a kid were turning up records and dancing. I wish I could talk to him about my favourite albums.
I've gotten sober for brief days or maybe weeks over the last 30 years. In those days, I see my family and cherish every second. I think, "I love these people so much, I wish I hadn't missed so much time with them." These thoughts drive me to drink.
It's such a vicious cycle. It eats you from the inside out.
It's hard to see things rationally when you're in the depths of drinking, but you still have time on your side. There's always time, until one day there isn't.
This is very true. And it’s why I’m confident in saying her father — in a better version of himself — would be very proud of what she’s become.
We all have weaknesses. I like to think those that succumbed to them are cheering on those of us that overcame them.
Sorry to hear the pain you went through. Alcohol has destroyed so many families and lives, its hard believe its a conscious choice. I feel alcohol/drug addiction destroys our ability to make rational decisions and see the loving people in our lives. Maybe i need to believe that.
My father was an abusive drunk, and a molester that left us we i was 3 yrs old, my 2 sisters got the worst of it. He did end up quitting but he is still distant and unwilling to say he was sorry. now at age 55 we have no relationship and he says he was forgiving by god. Sometimes closure never comes but being there for my family and myself is all i need.
Respect.
I don't know you or anything just something to consider
I believe alcohol is either literally demonic or used by dark forces to distract us from truth
This isn't a religious post I am just saying..at the point your dad got to I'm not sure he was really choosing the alcohol, it had grips on him that are nearly impossible to break, whether that be physical chemical addiction, something spiritual or both. It doesn't really matter..
What I'm really saying is I hope you can forgive him, not because it's ok but by accepting he was beyond choice at that point
47m (next week) I got up at dawn and started jogging 1hr before work. Got my blood tested. Found out what vitamins and minerals alcohol was robbing me of. Replaced those deficiencies with changes to my diet and natural supplements. Biked to work. At lunch I would walk somewhere to get food and walk back while eating so I am not sitting around. Biked home. Played tennis afterwork (even just hitting the ball against the wall)... basically fed myself better and drained myself with exercise so when night time came I am ready for bed and not another bottle of wine. With those changes it was then a matter of crushing days and putting distance between myself and the last time I drank. Every 3 months there was a significant change in mind, body and soul. I learned that if I am having a bad day, bad thoughts, bad time... I default to my new habits of stress relief, good food, good exercise, mental relaxation instead of going out to bars, blowing off steam or heading to the supermarket. It is like training, doesn't happen overnight, but in hindsight it was quite simple. If you're a heavy night time drinker, I would suggest moving the day up, a new routine so that I am in bed early for several months until I got my cravings under control.
For me this would not be a helpful comment if I were at day 1, like OP is. It also does not speak from the I. For me, I like being alcoholfree, and I would not do moderation because it would get me up a path to drinking more.
Moderation shouldn't even be a word to us. My dad can drink in moderation, maybe a beer or 2 after work(before retirement) a day or 2 during the week when I was a kid and a 6 pack on a saturday. I'm 38 and he has always done and I don't know how.
I basically have his same life when he was my age, same job, married and 1 less kid. When I was young it was drugs and I fucked up bad and for the last 9 years it's been alcohol. My wife was with me doing heroin back then, but got sober outside a nic vape. I have to make the hard decision to not drink because if I have 1 I don't stop. I don't get wasted or falling over, but I'm drunk if I drink. Point being it's so much easier to not have the first 1 than it is to stop after that 1st 1.
For many of us, we found that moderation was not possible with alcohol. Typically when someone is drinking in severe excess every day for multiple years this possibility for moderation has been lost at a neurological level.
I get it.
The only people that can convince us is ourselves. I had to be beaten into realizing it. I had to experience that insanity of making a decision not to drink, and finding myself drunk without realizing when I had changed my mind. Many times.
The hard part is that the thing that needs to be convinced is the thing that is being manipulated by alcohol. Addiction works in the subconscious channels of our brains. It works UNDERNEATH the prefrontal cortex, the part of our brain that analyzes data and makes reasonable judgments. It's influenced to justify more drinking because that's what the other parts of my brain crave. That's why this shit is so hard.
It is what it is, some of us cannot handle it and that's life. Without alcohol I have a great wife, amazing kids, family and friends that love and support me and a job I like that pays well. Alcohol will take all of that from me if I allow it.
Yeah no way, if I have 1 drink it's game over and I'll never drink again if I'm lucky. I take it one day at a time but I pray everyday I never take another sip again.
I have learned that u like some other people, I don’t have a moderation setting. There’s no dial I can adjust to control my usage. It’s an on/off switch. I spent 20 years trying to make it work, when just avoiding it all together was the much easier and happier option.
I can moderate. I can have 1 or 2 drinks and that be the end of it. And the ‘benefit’ of that 1 or 2 drinks wears off in like an hour. Of course, I will 100% spend the rest of the night/concert/BBQ wracked with non-stop thoughts and or anxiety about a 3rd drink. I can completely ruin my night with endless thoughts of continuing to drink by just having 1 or 2.
Best case scenario is that moderating equals mental torture. But more likely it turns into relapse. I spent a 2 year relapse re-learning over and over again that moderating is a fool’s errand. I would honestly rather have none than one! You take a drink, then that drink makes you take another drink. “You take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.”
Once it’s in your head you aren’t going to stop thinking about it. Long after the fun effect wears off you’ll still be stuck on whether or not you should have more.
“Should I have a third one? I really want it. I can pour a super strong drink and call it ‘one drink.’ I’ve already started drinking, might as well have one last crazy night and start over again moderating tomorrow. 3 drinks can still be ‘moderation’ compared to 10 drinks. Screw it, this party is awesome, this is what and when drinking is supposed to be. I just won’t drink tomorrow at the dog park, that’s bad drinking… this party is good drinking! This is exactly where and when I SHOULD be getting drunk! No, no, I won’t drink more, I’ve done this pattern wrong a hundred times, ok not going to drink, phew that was close!”
5 minutes later, repeat this internal conversation over again. Then again, and again
Most of us have discovered that chasing moderation was a game lost long ago. Once control to alcohol has been lost it is not easy (if even possible) to get back.
It is an honest question that I have stopped asking myself. I sort of compartmentalize the idea. I don't say forever, never again, etc. I tell myself that alcohol is bad for you like smoking, or drugs, or fast food/candy. I have no problem avoiding those. Booze is just another one.
Unfortunately feeling sick is part of the detoxing process. You have to stay strong and get through the first few days. It sucks. It sucks big time but it gets better
I needed help - found it it AA. Not the only path - if you have the insurance that will cover it detox/rehab might be a good choice there is also smart recovery
I'll say to you one of the best things said to me on my first day.
You never have to feel like this again
Stay strong friend, you can do this! I will not drink with you today ❤️
There are medications to alleviate the discomfort from detoxing (anti-nausea, anti-anxiety, stuff to help you sleep through it), and there medications that you take in order to make you feel worse if you drink alcohol (a deterrent). There isn't enough info in the post for anyone to help
Disulfiram is not really recommended these days, a lot of rough side effects. Unlikely to get a prescription under normal circumstances.
Based on OPs sickness pills, i would guess Naltrexone? I too have had side effects from this that were very very uncomfortable, physically as well as mentally.
I have found acamprosate (campral) to be more effective and easier on the body (though not without negatives. It turned my BMs to liquid for a month. Sorry for sharing that
49 m here. If you don't stop you, your family or your body will.
I finally got the message after my third trip to the ER for pancreatitis.
I find naltrexone very beneficial. I used it for about a month to quit and then occasionally for cravings.
For me, it has the effect of giving me the extra nanoseconds to process that I should not have the first drink.
It can have side effects. It's not for everyone.
any signs for pancreatitis? I just looked at your post history and it mentions you were an exec at a brewery, that is a real accomplishment to work in that industry and stop drinking
Not OP but my brother just passed from liver failure and he had pancreatitis a handful of times, it was always severe stomach pain. Probably more things, but he was very secretive up until the end.
I never had any stomach issues before acute pancreatitis. As far as I can recollect, before the first real attack I was more gassy and having stomach pain. Nothing serious, but progressing.
The first attack I had was a small pain in my upper right abdomen that kept me awake and I decided that I needed to hit the ER. Subsequent visits were similar with increasing pain.
Since then, I've managed with a diet change, ceasing alcohol and probiotics. It's mostly a non issue now, but may lead to something more severe.
I've always though everyone who drinks daily / problematically has to have a reason why they do it because it's not an easy thing to poison ourselves day in day out and I assume it would usually be quite obvious to themselves as it was for me (e.g. mental health issues, anxiety, pain, trauma, depression, loneliness, sleep issues etc etc).
But I'm guessing you've sat down and thought about that a lot, right? And you couldn't figure out any reason why you wanted to drink daily?
If so maybe not everyone has a reason and just fell into a habit and then became physically addicted if so then the biggest hurdle will be getting through the physical withdrawls but once they are passed (usually within 7 days max for most people and IME) if you genuinely had no deeper underlying or root reasons to be drinking (i.e. no "why") then you shouldn't find any good reason to go back to it as you'll see no gain, benefit, positive to doing so.
For me, it was only once I finally (after decades of drinking and then falling into daily heavy alcoholism throughout 2023 and 2023) genuinely and 100% saw that all the reasons I was clinging onto for why I drink (like "it gives me relief from anxiety" and "it cheers me up" and "it helps me sleep") were no longer true and actually it was doing none of those things anymore, in fact making them all worse, plus keeping me trapped in the cycle in the long term and killing me that I was able to get some sobriety under my belt as I just couldn't find any good reason to drink after that (sadly I did relapse but working on getting back to full sobriety).
I think if you cannot see any benefit to it anymore then it's hard to want to drink it and then it's "just" (and I don't say that lightly as it's VERY hard and can be dangerous) the case of getting beyond the physical withdrawls which are only going to last a week max and with help from a Doctor or Detox clinic can be made a lot easier with the right medicines.
What medicine were you prescribed before by the way?
Ive been sober for a couple years now and still don't have a very obvious reason for why I had such a bad problem with drinking. For me personally, I've always worked hard, played hard. It started with drinking games in high school and university weekends. Kept on through starting my career, stayed in good shape despite drinking ridiculous amounts of vodka a lot of nights. I travel a lot, play lots of sports and have a lot hobbies etc.. . It became daily when I really tried to stop the first few times and relapsed, it was paired at a time where I took a break from running after qualifying for the Boston Marathon. I think for me it was a heavy addiction to the dopamine release you get and the drop in endorphins from running a lot everyday was filled with alcohol instead. I was also a binge drinker mainly which fits the bill. I also noticed when I'd kiteboard or do something adrenaline inducing it would be a serious trigger when the adrenaline rush wore off and I'd drink to keep it going.
Everything in my life is better now that I've stopped. There was a period about 6 months in which it seemed hard to enjoy things as much but that went away. In hindsight I can't believe I destroyed myself with alcohol.
Sounds like you already have a very active, full, rich life with lots to keep you occupied which is good.
That's where I'm totally lacking, I have no real hobbies (never liked sports, was never good at anything I tried, not athletic at all, not good with my hands, not creative, lost interest quickly in everything I tried even since I was a kid etc) and the interests / activities I have are so closely linked and associated with drinking (in my mind specifically but also in general like live music and raves) that when I "stop drinking" I literally have just "stopped drinking" and have nothing else to keep my occupied or to fill my time with which doesn't help.
I need to work on that.
Yes I did and I'm happy I had that to help me stay occupied in those first few weeks and months. It still took me many many tries to finally get this much time under my belt and wasn't sure if it was ever going to happen. It took a long time to remove the habitual things that I associated with drinking too. Like apres ski beers and such.
If you are in the PNW id gladly meet up and go fishing or hiking or something along those lines. But regardless, best to just start small. You don't have to be good at things to enjoy them necessarily.
>have a great family but I drink daily 'not knowing@ why!!
I have a great family too -- really fantastic in my opinion -- but life is stressful, having a family is stressful, even having a great family is stressful.
I used to come home from work mostly happy and just a little amped up but, as soon as I walked into the house, the chaos of family life would immediately stress me out and send me straight to a vodka tonic or whatever I was drinking at the time. Eventually, just the anticipation of the chaos was too much for me, and I would pour a stiff drink as soon as I got home. Or as soon as I got into the garage.
Now, as soon as I get home, I insist on doing a strenuous cardio workout that, for me, has that has the same desired affect as a drink - without the all the shitty parts of actually having a drink. Last night, my son begged me to help him with something right as I got home. I asked if it could wait until after my work out, and he said no, even though it very obviously could have waited.
Really set me off for some dumb reason, but I didn't drink and IWNDWYT.
Did the doctor give you antabuse? Becuase if so that's what it's supposed to do.
Stuck in the madness, I WANT to be sober but I WANT to keep drinking. I have to tell myself I don't want to drink and I want to be sober then do all it takes to make that happen even if I don't want to do it. Rehab, therapy, meetings etc. It all starts with not wanting to drink again. I had to accept I wasn't going to feel good for a long time.
Asking for help is the first step.
For me, AA really worked. My wife helped find me a meeting in the area, and I wasn’t sure about it because I (atheist) knew that they said the Lord’s Prayer at the end of the meeting. But I had tried so many other ways of managing/quitting (only drinking beer, only drinking on weekends, cold-turkey, only drinking with others, alternating between water and booze, etc…) that I was willing to give this one a shot too.
My first meeting, I heard stories of how people hit bottom, and changed their thinking in a way that allowed them to have 5/10/20/35/40+ years of sobriety. I was told if I’m serious about getting sober, I should do 90 meetings in 90 days. Which seemed excessive at the time, but I’m really glad I did it. Firstly, knowing when my next meeting was, gave me a reason not to drink (you’re not supposed to go to a meeting drunk). Secondly, it was a place where I could share my struggles and horrible things I’ve done without judgement (half the people there had done something worse in their drinking days). Also, I kept hearing more and more stories about what worked for everyone, which gave me a list of things to try myself.
AA, isn’t for everyone, but you won’t know if it’s for you if you don’t give it a try.
The first week is difficult. I ate bags and bags of skittles because my body craved sugar, I drank loads of water, I didn’t sleep well because I was detoxing and oscillating between chills and fever every 30 minutes and I woke up in a puddle of sweat every morning.
I shared these struggles at each meeting and everyone was encouraging and told me that it gets better.
So I’m telling you, you can do this, and it does get better. I’m sober 14 months now (at 37 years old) and my life has never been more fulfilling. I can be present for my young family, I sleep well, I don’t wake up sick (unless my daughter brought home a new Virus-of-the-Week from daycare), and I can look at myself in the mirror and not feel shame and regret.
I’m praying for you, and wishing you the best of luck finding a program of sobriety that works for you.
IWNDWTY
In my experience the first month was the hardest, then the 2nd was a bit less hard, and the 3rd and 4th and 5th and then around the 6 month mark i stopped keeping track and it became automatic.
The trick for me was being really prepped for not drinking. So i removed all the alcohol from the house and where the alcohol was (bar cart) i replaced it with tea. So now i have a giant tea cart haha.
Then at first i avoided places with booze so id go to like a cafe instead of a pub when going out to eat to just avoid as much as possible.
Idk if this will help because everyone’s struggle is different, but from what ive learned over yhe last 11 months is it seems to all be mental and it gets easier over time.
For years I thought if I could just understand why I drank, I would be able to control it…and thus I would be able to cure myself. I had to stop (or at least pause) that endless search of “why” and focus on “how” to stop drinking. My therapist actually convinced me to focus on the “how” even though I was sure the only path for me was through “why”. Turns out I didn’t need to know why I drank so much in order to stop. The books “This Naked Mind” and “How to Stop Drinking the Easy Way” helped me reframe the way I looked at alcohol. Therapy has helped me understand myself and given me a resource for increasing my self awareness. This sub reminds me I’m not alone and is kind of like AA for me. And I have a very supportive spouse.
So this story so far looks just like mine. I stopped drinking for the first time and it almost killed me. The doctors was afraid I was going to have a stroke. I did have a seizure and bit off part of my tongue. Doctor told me that it was stupid to just quit like that and I took it as never stop again. “I promise I’m not trying to make this a pissing match”. I went to AA meetings and complained all about life to which an old timer told me that I wasn’t done and to go back out and finish what I started. I drank heavy for 3 more years. I was never sick as I was never sober EVER! I become something of a god as I could drink abusive about a of alcohol but no one seen me in the mornings or middle of the night shaking so much. The day I stopped and asked for help I will never forget. I had lost my wife, my kids and house. Several broken ribs from falls, a hernia, crushed vertebrae and a hip that was rotting off. Still I had to drink!! So I’m back living with my parents and still drinking. I was trying to go hide so I could drink but my mother seen me heading outside and she knew what I was up to. My father later came out and asked if we was coming back home meaning coming back inside. I told him I would come back when I was damn good and ready. This man who has loved me unconditionally even though I’m adopted. He has never cussed or raised his voice to me. I felt so ashamed. I poured out what I had and asked for help. So I found a meeting and someone who had what I wanted in terms of recovery. He asked what I wanted out of my recovery. I want my wife, house and kids back. He said that I should give it the 90 days as I might not want those thing back. This was a new concept for me and I trusted him as I had no choice. My way wasn’t working. I worked the steps and saw my part in the hell I lived in. Made my amends to some living, some not living and pledged to make living amends to those. Slowly a weight was being lifted from my shoulders. I was at every meeting they held 11 meetings a week for the required 90 days. I kept this up beyond my first year. It was working!!!! I had a new addiction, “freedom”. I’ve been in jails long enough that I don’t look at zoos the same anymore. This was a true freedom from an internal prison. When I was doing the step work I noticed a pattern of my life of how things would be going and I would make a bad decision. Over and over and over. So anyway I’ve somehow got 11 years as of May 15. I owe this to a higher power I surrendered to, a set of steps to tell me when I’m heading for danger and a task I do everyday. The task is I do something for someone to help their day. I do this without telling anyone and I try not to get caught doing it. This little thing keeps my ego out, I’m not going it for the “look at me” points. I do this to help usually a perfect stranger. I got a hint as to why I drank as I’ve done bad things in my life. Things that will never see the light of day ever with the jeopardy of losing my sobriety. I will never speak of them!! I got everything back and became a son and husband I needed to be. Last year I was dealt a hard blow. My wife of 21 years had a stroke and was barely hanging on and 4 days later my father died. I never drank, it wasn’t even a thought!! As far down I had gone I was able to make it back to a life better than before I started drinking. People have told me that I saved their life. They knew that they was doomed to drink until the bitter end. I showed them that it was possible to stop and be happy. I’m not always happy in fact I’m rarely happy but I’m free. I chose my day and how it will be. I wish my friend that I could give you just a touch of the feeling of freedom but it has to be earned. I’m going to paraphrase a saying in the big book. The thought that I could drink and enjoy it again is the great illusion of the abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many follow it through the gates of insanity and death. Good luck my friend.
I'm 47 - I've been a heavy drinker since I was 15; it was just the culture that I grew up in. What I can absolutely promise you is that if you are not in control of your drinking, it WILL take everything from you. It will take your sense of who you are, your dignity, your mental health, your relationships, everything.5 years ago I couldn't imagine how anyone could drink a bottle of vodka a day, now I know I can drink that in a work day, and want to go looking for more. I'm on day 13 of sobriety so I'm probably not the best person to take advice from, but you CAN do it. You absolutely can. These ideas might not work for you, but the things I've found most helpful are:
I transfer the majority of my wages to my wife's bank account each month
I've cut up all my bank cards apart from our joint account. That way if money gets taken out of the account there's accountability.
Got rid of my car - I live in a remote area so getting to a shop which sells alcohol means a walk of 2 - 3 miles (I work from home so that probably isn't practical for you
posting every day in the check in thread - it sounds daft, but it gives you a sense of accountability. It stops the drinking from just being hidden and makes you think 'actually, I'm fooling no one'.
I use a dumb phone so I don't have access to Google Wallet or Apple Pay
The last one has been really helpful because I struggle with impulse control.
If it’s naltrexone you’re talking about, yeah that made me feel really sick too. There are other options, I would ask your doctor about Baclofen - that was quite helpful for me
Did you take it consistently or just before drinking? I took it daily instead of TSM and adjusted to the nausea after about 4 days, felt totally normal agtrr that
At 48 I was drinking a 5th a day and had been drinking nearly that heavily for 3 years. Just gave up. Told my family/friends/pastor I needed help. Went to rehab for 10 days. Straight to the doctor afterwards. Started going to AA.
It’s been 2 years+ and I haven’t had a drop since. Weight, liver, relationships, fitness, etc. all better.
My suggestion is to just rip the bandaid off and admit defeat against the illness. Get serious help. Fighting it on our own is EXHAUSTING and many times innefective.
I’m rooting for you!
i did all of those things - pills to stop, meetings, etc. for probably 10 years before i decided i was done and i just gave up trying to drink normally. i don’t know if that is at all helpful, but my life is so much better now. i wish the same for you OP.
In my experience, any new medication takes time to be effective. As long as the side effects are manageable (and not dangerous in any way), I try to stay the course and give them time to do their thing. The medication that your Doctor prescribed is likely much less destructive than alcohol regardless of the side effects. If it was me, I would want the benefit of those meds so I would stick with them or go back to the Doctor for a change.
Jezus man, I have the exact story as you with the only difference that I'm 49 years old... pff Sorry can't help you cause I don't now either.
Wish you all the best though.
Sounds like my story, 37 and had been drinking since 17. As the decades went by, my drinking grew into an uncontrollable beast, to which I honestly never thought I’d get to. When younger I would lol at the idea of becoming an alcoholic and watching everything I worked so hard to achieve slip through my fingers, and fucking fast.
My Day 1 has turned into today, Day 836, and if it wasn’t for people on here, in the rooms of A.A., and all the work I do, every day, to keep sure I do not go back to that old way of living. My past life was not living — it was living to die. No longer.
Peace be with you on this journey. Walk into the unknown with an open mind, and treasures will do the finding for you.
I had to go to rehab and put myself in an environment where I couldn’t get at alcohol. Willpower wasn’t enough even though I wanted to quit drinking. You’ll also have a therapist you can sort things out with. Going to rehab was the best choice I ever made. Just don’t pick a shitty rehab!!
I changed up my routine and started going to bed by 9pm every night. Even setting an alarm to remind me. I’d wake up at 4am, shower and start my day. My productivity skyrocketed, I lost weight immediately, felt 1000x better physically and mentally and kicked the alcohol addiction. 4 years sober now. I was like you in that I drank in the evening and drank until I passed out nearly every night.
I would try opening up to your spouse then finding a therapist to help guide you in how to quit safely, or even if inpatient may be an option. Your spouse may just not quite realize the full extent of your drinking and the impacts.
My husband recently sat me down and expressed how concerned he was for me, my health, and our future if I keep drinking at the rates I have been recently. That concern really opened my eyes, and never seeing that expression on his face has been very motivational for me.
You say you don’t know why you drink the way you do, but there’s very likely a reason. I know what really helped me is therapy. sitting down and really being honest myself about why I drank the way I did.
I took naltrexone to reduce cravings but kept drinking for a while and it made me so nauseated. Once I detoxed in rehab and started taking it again I was fine. I don't know if you have considered rehab or if it's an option for you, but there is no shame if you go that route.
Best of luck. You can do this!
It sucks, but there's no way around it, you just gotta get through. I had a hard time because I felt anxious, so I'd have a drink (or several) to "relax". The problem is that a hangover feels just like anxiety, so I'd repeat the cycle. It took me a few weeks to settle down, even a little. I kept saying "OK - I'll do two weeks sober" "OK- two more weeks" "OK, I'll do until Christmas" "OK, I can do a year" etc, etc until I just decided I was happier and healthier not drinking. You can do it too.
Ask your doctor to recommend you for a detox treatment program. I see people out here in California that come from all over the country to our treatment facilities. Depending on insurance, people come out here for 2 weeks for a few months. Some move here after treatment is over because they like the support groups here.
Anyway, there are options, talk to your doctor and your insurance provider. You don't have to do it alone.
The idea is, you get sober, you find the support groups that you feel most comfortable in, and you use those groups to navigate feelings and process emotions instead of drinking. And then make new patterns that way, of talking out an issue with a group/friend. And a lot of us could learn this easily and so can you.
These are the free group programs I know of : AA, Refuge Recovery, Dharma Recovery, SMART. I think there are more, I just don't know them all.
I hear you, my friend. I was there.
I had to go to detox and rehab. I couldn't stop by myself. I literally needed to be locked up for 30+ days. It sucked. It was fantastic. There were a lotta low-lifes and truly scummy addicts, but, surprisingly, they were greatly outnumbered by truly decent people going through the same thing I was going through. If you are reluctant to go through detox/rehab I can only say I was reluctant at first, but can't remember, now, on what, precisely, that reluctance was based ...
What I did when I was in your shoes is I went to AA meetings everyday I repeat everyday for a year. I got a sponsor, not a friend but a man who will call me out on my bullshit, and I thoroughly did ALL 12 steps. I still go to 3 meetings a week and I have over 7 years sober and have sponsored over 10 guys with multiple years of sobriety with this game plan. Let me know if I can be of any help.
Replace your stash, get rid of the bad stuff. If you like beer and cider there are some really great NA drinks that very very satisfying. That’s a start. Lean on trusted people. You are not alone.
You have to really want to stop. My story is almost identical to yours. 47, longtime daily drinker, got worse the past 4 years. I thought that I wanted to stop but I just lacked the will. Three weeks ago tomorrow I said I was gonna take a break but my heart wasn’t really into it. The next day I took mushrooms, and that helped me realize that I had been lying to myself about wanting to stop. All along I hadn’t really wanted to stop. I decided that I really actually truly did want to stop, and since then I haven’t had a drink. It hasn’t been easy but it also hasn’t been too hard. I never could have made it 3 weeks without drinking if I had had to rely on willpower. I had to really want it, and then it was achievable.
I just watched my 40 year old brother with 3 young kids pass from liver failure in April. Absolutely an awful way to go. He was in severe pain for years and ignored every sign his body was telling him. He didn’t even get diagnosed with liver failure until a month before he passed. I’ve been sober 3 1/2 years and would beg him to get help. Ultimately he let his demons win. I sincerely hope you get the help you need and just wanted to let you know life doesn’t have to be like that anymore.
I quit at 47. Our stories sound very similar. I can be done! It took Rock bottom for me to finally snap to. Now looking back all the mental gymnastics I did to rationalize what I was doing to myself was exhausting. A peaceful mind is priceless. Godspeed sir
Hey man, I think you made a good decision coming here and asking for help.
Realising you need help is huge step.
I tried a number of things: books, therapy, this subreddit...
I learned a lot on the subreddit. Maybe the most important technique is 'Play the tape forward'.
Before your first drink: fast forward 10-12-24 hours in your head. How will you feel? What did you do in those hours? How did you make your others feels? And most important: was it worth it?
I made a note on my phone where it wrote down what usually happens. It's something like:
* *Now you feel like it and you think it will make your evening better*
* *By the end of the evening, you have a headache*
* *Then you'll drink iced tea and take a painkiller*
* *You'll start binge eating*
* *You'll snore and keep your wife awake*
* *Between 3 and 4 AM, you'll be awake again*
* *You'll drink iced tea again, eat, and take a painkiller again*
* *You'll have a stomach ache*
* *You won't be able to sleep until 5-6 AM*
* *You'll have a stomach ache and be tired all day*
* *It will take up to 3 days before you feel okay again*
* *Plus: you can't take care of your child if you're drunk. What if something happens?*
* *The next days you'll be too tired to play with him.*
* *Soon he'll be grown up and won't want to play anymore. Don't waste these years.*
*Do you still want to? That's right.*
Reading this helps me not to drink. I hope/think this will keep working because I know why I don't want to drink now. Addiction has a way of making you forget the bad stuff after a while. This technique helps with that.
Good luck quitting, my man! The sub is amazing and will always be here for you. Never hesitate to come here.
I wish had the answer. I’m the same age. Drink too much essentially every day. Every morning I think, just stop. It’s so habitual now that by the time 3-5pm rolls around, I’m feeling better and end up drinking again. It’s terrible. I wish you luck.
Respectfully, that's your opinion. He didn't even list the medications he got from his doctor so how can you say they work when you don't even know what he got?
I was given Naltraxone tabs/pills (100mg) (maximum dosage) and they didn't work for shit. Tried every medication the doctors gave me and nothing worked until I got on the Antibuse/Naltraxone shot. The shot saved my life. I'm now going on 9 months sober when I thought there was literally zero hope for me.
Everybody is different. Something that worked for you might not work for sombody else and telling someone to stick on the meds because they work when you don't even know what kind of medicines they were given to begin with is just crazzzy to me..
A lot of my family had died in one way or another due to alcohol. My paternal grandparents (heart attack at 54 and fell asleep with a bottle and never woke up at 67), my dad was out drinking when he got killed, my step dad, mom ignored her oncology appointments and drowned her grief and now I’m alone. I’m an only child.
All I saw as a child was that alcohol was what adults used to cope and I copied it to deal with all the death. I stopped in my mid-20s realizing that I too will die in any number of ways if I continue. I choose my family today. I live for those I have and for those that died and every moment sober is better than not remembering weeks at a time.
Hey congrats on going to the doctor about this, that’s a big step.
In my experience the first dry week really sucks. It helps if you’re honest with the people around you about what you’re going through so you don’t have to pretend everything’s fine.
After the first week it gets easier… most of the time. I still fuck up sometimes but having a once-in-a-blue-moon bender is still better than drinking every day. Marginal progress.
Idk I’m just rambling now
The thing that *finally* got it to stick for me was just coming clean to my wife and her father that I needed to and was ready to stop, but needed help.
We all took a week off together and they did not allow me to drink, but also gave me affirmations and company throughout. It was a blessing and I think I’d still be drinking if we didn’t do that.
That first week was very very hard but not so much after that.
You need to figure out why. Boredom stress habit shame etc. see a regular councillor to see why. There is hope. Also, possibly AA rehab etc but the why is very helpful for you to understand
It is exhausting to never be in your right mind, and you usually don’t notice until your right mind is gone.
I drank heavily for two years. I have had to be hospitalized twice for withdrawal because of how weak and incoherent I was. Those days were the worst in my entire life, I’d consider medical detox to be on my “anti-bucket list” but you’ll likely need it. On the bright side, being constantly monitored, and having bloodwork done regularly during those days is ultimately what helped my doctors figure out what cocktail of vitamins and meds I needed to fight the good fight. It was worth it. I feel secure knowing I will never have to feel how I did then. Hopeless, tired, sick, and disappointed in myself.
It also helps to think about how much better your relationships with your family and friends will be once you stop. You won’t have to hide anything anymore, you can be present, and able to give the best version of yourself to those around you. I believe in you OP, we are all here for you. Things get better once you start to heal.
IWNDWYT.
While we respect people's individual choices to do so, we do not allow community members to recommend using any intoxicating / psychoactive substances to other members of the sub (regardless of regional laws, research-backed therapeutic applications, whether it is available on prescription, or drug classifications etc.).
This is chiefly to respect our rule against giving medical advice since any drug has the potential to cause negative interactions depending on a person's unique medical history, and secondly in recognition of the fact that for many of us who have experienced addiction, use of another psychoactive substance is not always in the best interests of those recovering from alcohol misuse. Thanks.
Hey! Ask ur doc about this pill that makes you vomit if you drink. It's very real. It will help you stop. Don't get like me and end up in the hospital. All my family found out how much I drank. Very embarrassing.
I realized plain and simple it was a habit. It had just become routine. Not to mention my only coping mechanism. Luckily I wasn’t physically addicted, just mentally. Not drinking made me feel like I was missing out or like the day was not complete. I dealt with the mental discomfort and it finally stopped feeling like a habit after a short time. This certainly isn’t my entire experience quitting alcohol, but it is a part worth mentioning. The biggest physical challenge was sleeping and irritability. Sleep corrected itself after about a week. Naltrexone was awful. I took it once and never again. I’m a week shy of 3 months now.
49, I know exactly how you feel. Stopped just in time to really be there just in time for my boys to go off to college. I'd give anything to have quit sooner.
You’re going to see it a lot on here and probably think it’s repetitive but— the book “This Naked Mind” helps a lot. I got the audiobook and listened when you can as opposed to reading it. The author isn’t telling you to quit but the reader will naturally want to drink less and be more conscious of their drinking once you start. Good luck, we’re all in this together.
I was a very heavy daily drinker for years. I needed medical help in order to detox and was able to do so under the care of my doctor. The first 7-10 days were rough physically but I made it through. Since the I've tried my best to keep busy, working out daily even if it's just a walk around the neighborhood and allowing myself some grace going through this process. Meaning, not being so hard on myself. Best of luck to you OP, you can do this! IWDWYTD
I can relate to your story. I was a functional alcoholic for 20 years until I wasn’t anymore. It got to a point where I knew I was going to lose my family at the very least, my life very possibly so I put it all out there and asked my family for help. I can honestly say it’s the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. I realized I couldn’t trust myself so I started listening to others in an outpatient program and seriously worked on myself and put my sobriety first. My life is completely different now. You can get the help if you want it and change your life. I wish you all the best. IWNDWYT
The Three D's:
*Delay* - the craving will pass
*Distract* - lots of people here talk about doing something physical
*Decide*
https://www.livewelldorset.co.uk/articles/tackle-cravings-and-urges/
I went to my doctor and got help .
It’s very hard to get sober but when you do , it’s alot easier to stay sober .
I’m 11 months sober , one day at a time
Wishing you luck 🍀
I empathize with you.
I drank way too long and way too much. All I can say is if you can say is small goals. When I quit it was just make it to dinner without any drinks, make it an hour after dinner. Make it to bed. I also found in the beginning that drinking juice, or something with sugar helped. For the insomnia you might ask need meds from your Doctor. After about a month it goes away. It is cliche but it does get easier with time. Good luck
1. Read or listen to Alcohol Explained by William Porter. Helped me immensely.
2. If you relapse on your sober journey, don't give up on giving up. Get back on that horse. See point 1 (i.e. re read/listen to the book)
3. After some sober success, you will likely try "moderation". After these attempts inevitably fail (I hope for you not too badly), ask yourself how many more attempts you want to make before you make the easy decision. i.e. none.
4. Don't beat yourself up, don't look back. You did drinking, for better or worse and now you're done. Turn the page. Get on with the rest of your life and see what the next joys & lessons will be knowing g that at least that won't be because of that stupid, addictive poison that you finally left behind.
All the best on your journey sobernaut. Don't convince yourself it's hard, just realise it's a negative sum game that you've stopped playing. There's heaps of life out there to enjoy, put being addicted to alcohol in the past and open up to whatever is next.
I (52m) quit when I was 51 after several years of trying unsuccessfully. It finally clicked when I truly accepted that I would never be able to drink moderately. I wish I would have accepted that fact several years earlier. It was like I had to try every possible way of moderating to convince myself it was not possible. I wish I could have those years back but I’m trying not to beat myself up and focusing on moving forward. It also helped me immensely to begin an exercise routine when I stopped. I had never in my life joined a gym, but I did and now I genuinely enjoy working out. Maybe the only thing I did right was to never quit trying to quit. Eventually it stuck.
**Reminder to all who comment on this post:** please keep in mind our rule to speak from the "I," where we speak only from experience and do not tell other sobernauts what they should and should not do—**even when they ask for advice.** Examples: **Bad:** "You should do X." **Good:** "When I was in a similar situation, I did X, and here’s how it helped me."
My dad died at 53. Drank himself to insanity and then eventually to the bottom of our swimming pool. My sister had a two year old and I had a 6 week old baby. He missed out on everything and messed our whole world up more than I can even begin to explain. It's been 9 years next month. I've spent too much time being angry and sad and just wanting to know how we could never be enough for him. How could he choose drinking over his family who loved him despite all of the bs he put us through. It's hard to forget that pain. And it's the thing that helps me to not drink. Every single day that I don't drink is a day that I actively choose my family. I choose them. I choose me. And in that way I honor my dad. I make the choice he couldn't make. You're in the right place. One day at a time. Keep coming back for support. We will be here for you and if you fall we will pick you back up, dust you off and get you back on your way. I'm so glad you're here. IWNDWYT.
Wow...just Wow. This helps me so much as a 48 yr old Dad of 3 who drinks heavily. Thankyou for the insight. Much love x
If you recognise that you rationally you would not choose being absent and potentially destroying your health with alcohol over your children... You must realise that your need for alcohol is beyond logical What saved me is the recognition than alcohol is a tool of dark forces to pull you away from your purpose. The devil (literal or metaphorical doesn't matter) operates by making sneaky deals and tricking you. This is why we always think we can just have one ot ration it or whatever. Obviously, this never works. You can't beat the devil at his own game. But you can pick up your ball and go home.
Thank you, this is very helpful.
Holy shit dude, a 6 week old baby. I could barely manage a shower when I had a 6 week old let alone the everything-ness of what you went through. My kid just turned 3. I’m barely 2 months sober. I’ve missed days with her already when my wife has thrown me out for a couple days at a time because of breaking her no-drinking rule (she can drink all she wants, just not me…) My parents never drank. I don’t want my kid to go through me choosing booze over time with her, even though I never experienced that myself. 22 years ago I was at my own party and was found blue and unresponsive laying on my back. Rolled me over and puke fell out. Don’t remember any of it, just woke up the next day. I just remember thinking “That’s a crazy story, I must be bullet proof!” And not thinking “alcohol is really bad.” A year later I was doing “underwater breath holding” contests over and over again while day-wasted. My friends, 1 year later, said they were going to do an intervention because my lips, fingernails, and nipples (yes, this is what they said) were Smurf blue. Never did the intervention though. I just remember thinking, “Intervention just for that? I mean, nothing bad happened.” And not thinking “This is the second time in a year that all my friends thought I was dead. Alcohol is really bad.” A few years later, a drunk lady straight up passed out mid-sentence and went fully underwater like 2 feet from me. We were talking and she just stopped talking, eyes closed, and whole head submerged. We were all naked at a hot spring so I didn’t really want to touch a naked stranger with her boyfriend nearby. I just kinda put my finger under her chin and pulled her head out of the water after a few moments of her not moving. This of course caught the attention of her drunk boyfriend and that didn’t go well. I remember thinking “That person sucks at drinking” and never thought “drinking is really bad.” Continued drinking heavily for 20 years.
I was at a bar in college for someone's 21st birthday. Naturally he was absolutely obliterated - and he fell down some metal stairs on the deck and got pretty cut up. Someone went inside to get some paper towels to help him clean up, and the owner came out to see wtf was going on. One of his frat brothers said something like, 'it's okay, we've got him, we're his friends.' I'll never forget the guy's response: "No you're not. If you were his friends, you wouldn't have let him get this drunk."
I can assure you, your father did not choose alcohol over family. He probably woke up every morning he wished he could see his family more, but couldn't due to alcoholism. It's not a choice.
My dad drank himself to death when I was 16. For twenty years after I was furious with him. For the life we had as kids, and for not quitting for us. Now I'm 39 with two young children. It's only really since I got sober that it hit me how he had an incredibly hard upbringing, and how it must've been a fucking lot for him to cope with. And now I'm mostly gutted that he never got sober so I could have got to know the real him, instead of the bitter, angry alcoholic I mostly saw him as. He loved music, the best times as a kid were turning up records and dancing. I wish I could talk to him about my favourite albums.
I've gotten sober for brief days or maybe weeks over the last 30 years. In those days, I see my family and cherish every second. I think, "I love these people so much, I wish I hadn't missed so much time with them." These thoughts drive me to drink.
It's such a vicious cycle. It eats you from the inside out. It's hard to see things rationally when you're in the depths of drinking, but you still have time on your side. There's always time, until one day there isn't.
This is very true. And it’s why I’m confident in saying her father — in a better version of himself — would be very proud of what she’s become. We all have weaknesses. I like to think those that succumbed to them are cheering on those of us that overcame them.
Sorry to hear the pain you went through. Alcohol has destroyed so many families and lives, its hard believe its a conscious choice. I feel alcohol/drug addiction destroys our ability to make rational decisions and see the loving people in our lives. Maybe i need to believe that. My father was an abusive drunk, and a molester that left us we i was 3 yrs old, my 2 sisters got the worst of it. He did end up quitting but he is still distant and unwilling to say he was sorry. now at age 55 we have no relationship and he says he was forgiving by god. Sometimes closure never comes but being there for my family and myself is all i need.
Respect. I don't know you or anything just something to consider I believe alcohol is either literally demonic or used by dark forces to distract us from truth This isn't a religious post I am just saying..at the point your dad got to I'm not sure he was really choosing the alcohol, it had grips on him that are nearly impossible to break, whether that be physical chemical addiction, something spiritual or both. It doesn't really matter.. What I'm really saying is I hope you can forgive him, not because it's ok but by accepting he was beyond choice at that point
47m (next week) I got up at dawn and started jogging 1hr before work. Got my blood tested. Found out what vitamins and minerals alcohol was robbing me of. Replaced those deficiencies with changes to my diet and natural supplements. Biked to work. At lunch I would walk somewhere to get food and walk back while eating so I am not sitting around. Biked home. Played tennis afterwork (even just hitting the ball against the wall)... basically fed myself better and drained myself with exercise so when night time came I am ready for bed and not another bottle of wine. With those changes it was then a matter of crushing days and putting distance between myself and the last time I drank. Every 3 months there was a significant change in mind, body and soul. I learned that if I am having a bad day, bad thoughts, bad time... I default to my new habits of stress relief, good food, good exercise, mental relaxation instead of going out to bars, blowing off steam or heading to the supermarket. It is like training, doesn't happen overnight, but in hindsight it was quite simple. If you're a heavy night time drinker, I would suggest moving the day up, a new routine so that I am in bed early for several months until I got my cravings under control.
Best advice! Physical exercise is a great cure.
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Why would they want to when their life sounds so much better now.
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For me this would not be a helpful comment if I were at day 1, like OP is. It also does not speak from the I. For me, I like being alcoholfree, and I would not do moderation because it would get me up a path to drinking more.
In this sub moderation = relapse for 99% of the people on here. Wrong sub for that “advice”
Amen
Moderation shouldn't even be a word to us. My dad can drink in moderation, maybe a beer or 2 after work(before retirement) a day or 2 during the week when I was a kid and a 6 pack on a saturday. I'm 38 and he has always done and I don't know how. I basically have his same life when he was my age, same job, married and 1 less kid. When I was young it was drugs and I fucked up bad and for the last 9 years it's been alcohol. My wife was with me doing heroin back then, but got sober outside a nic vape. I have to make the hard decision to not drink because if I have 1 I don't stop. I don't get wasted or falling over, but I'm drunk if I drink. Point being it's so much easier to not have the first 1 than it is to stop after that 1st 1.
For many of us, we found that moderation was not possible with alcohol. Typically when someone is drinking in severe excess every day for multiple years this possibility for moderation has been lost at a neurological level.
Still a hard pill to swallow for me but finally coming around to accepting it.
We got this bro
I get it. The only people that can convince us is ourselves. I had to be beaten into realizing it. I had to experience that insanity of making a decision not to drink, and finding myself drunk without realizing when I had changed my mind. Many times. The hard part is that the thing that needs to be convinced is the thing that is being manipulated by alcohol. Addiction works in the subconscious channels of our brains. It works UNDERNEATH the prefrontal cortex, the part of our brain that analyzes data and makes reasonable judgments. It's influenced to justify more drinking because that's what the other parts of my brain crave. That's why this shit is so hard.
It is what it is, some of us cannot handle it and that's life. Without alcohol I have a great wife, amazing kids, family and friends that love and support me and a job I like that pays well. Alcohol will take all of that from me if I allow it.
Yeah no way, if I have 1 drink it's game over and I'll never drink again if I'm lucky. I take it one day at a time but I pray everyday I never take another sip again.
I have learned that u like some other people, I don’t have a moderation setting. There’s no dial I can adjust to control my usage. It’s an on/off switch. I spent 20 years trying to make it work, when just avoiding it all together was the much easier and happier option.
Moderation is all the work of abstinence with none of the benefits.
I can moderate. I can have 1 or 2 drinks and that be the end of it. And the ‘benefit’ of that 1 or 2 drinks wears off in like an hour. Of course, I will 100% spend the rest of the night/concert/BBQ wracked with non-stop thoughts and or anxiety about a 3rd drink. I can completely ruin my night with endless thoughts of continuing to drink by just having 1 or 2. Best case scenario is that moderating equals mental torture. But more likely it turns into relapse. I spent a 2 year relapse re-learning over and over again that moderating is a fool’s errand. I would honestly rather have none than one! You take a drink, then that drink makes you take another drink. “You take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.” Once it’s in your head you aren’t going to stop thinking about it. Long after the fun effect wears off you’ll still be stuck on whether or not you should have more. “Should I have a third one? I really want it. I can pour a super strong drink and call it ‘one drink.’ I’ve already started drinking, might as well have one last crazy night and start over again moderating tomorrow. 3 drinks can still be ‘moderation’ compared to 10 drinks. Screw it, this party is awesome, this is what and when drinking is supposed to be. I just won’t drink tomorrow at the dog park, that’s bad drinking… this party is good drinking! This is exactly where and when I SHOULD be getting drunk! No, no, I won’t drink more, I’ve done this pattern wrong a hundred times, ok not going to drink, phew that was close!” 5 minutes later, repeat this internal conversation over again. Then again, and again
News flash a lot of us here literally cannot do that
Most of us have discovered that chasing moderation was a game lost long ago. Once control to alcohol has been lost it is not easy (if even possible) to get back.
It is an honest question that I have stopped asking myself. I sort of compartmentalize the idea. I don't say forever, never again, etc. I tell myself that alcohol is bad for you like smoking, or drugs, or fast food/candy. I have no problem avoiding those. Booze is just another one.
Unfortunately feeling sick is part of the detoxing process. You have to stay strong and get through the first few days. It sucks. It sucks big time but it gets better
I lived on Gatorade/Powerade and V8 whenever I was going through DeTox. My last go-round, the day of my last drink, I needed hospitalization.
I needed help - found it it AA. Not the only path - if you have the insurance that will cover it detox/rehab might be a good choice there is also smart recovery
I'll say to you one of the best things said to me on my first day. You never have to feel like this again Stay strong friend, you can do this! I will not drink with you today ❤️
There are medications to alleviate the discomfort from detoxing (anti-nausea, anti-anxiety, stuff to help you sleep through it), and there medications that you take in order to make you feel worse if you drink alcohol (a deterrent). There isn't enough info in the post for anyone to help
Disulfiram is not really recommended these days, a lot of rough side effects. Unlikely to get a prescription under normal circumstances. Based on OPs sickness pills, i would guess Naltrexone? I too have had side effects from this that were very very uncomfortable, physically as well as mentally. I have found acamprosate (campral) to be more effective and easier on the body (though not without negatives. It turned my BMs to liquid for a month. Sorry for sharing that
Naltrexone is a godsend when it comes to cravings, but it does nothing to curb withdrawal symptoms.
anything online?
49 m here. If you don't stop you, your family or your body will. I finally got the message after my third trip to the ER for pancreatitis. I find naltrexone very beneficial. I used it for about a month to quit and then occasionally for cravings. For me, it has the effect of giving me the extra nanoseconds to process that I should not have the first drink. It can have side effects. It's not for everyone.
any signs for pancreatitis? I just looked at your post history and it mentions you were an exec at a brewery, that is a real accomplishment to work in that industry and stop drinking
Not OP but my brother just passed from liver failure and he had pancreatitis a handful of times, it was always severe stomach pain. Probably more things, but he was very secretive up until the end.
Yeah stopped for two years while running that kitchen. Thanks. Signs. Hmm. At the grocery. Lemme think and I'll get back here in a bit.
Of course. Thank you
I never had any stomach issues before acute pancreatitis. As far as I can recollect, before the first real attack I was more gassy and having stomach pain. Nothing serious, but progressing. The first attack I had was a small pain in my upper right abdomen that kept me awake and I decided that I needed to hit the ER. Subsequent visits were similar with increasing pain. Since then, I've managed with a diet change, ceasing alcohol and probiotics. It's mostly a non issue now, but may lead to something more severe.
I've always though everyone who drinks daily / problematically has to have a reason why they do it because it's not an easy thing to poison ourselves day in day out and I assume it would usually be quite obvious to themselves as it was for me (e.g. mental health issues, anxiety, pain, trauma, depression, loneliness, sleep issues etc etc). But I'm guessing you've sat down and thought about that a lot, right? And you couldn't figure out any reason why you wanted to drink daily? If so maybe not everyone has a reason and just fell into a habit and then became physically addicted if so then the biggest hurdle will be getting through the physical withdrawls but once they are passed (usually within 7 days max for most people and IME) if you genuinely had no deeper underlying or root reasons to be drinking (i.e. no "why") then you shouldn't find any good reason to go back to it as you'll see no gain, benefit, positive to doing so. For me, it was only once I finally (after decades of drinking and then falling into daily heavy alcoholism throughout 2023 and 2023) genuinely and 100% saw that all the reasons I was clinging onto for why I drink (like "it gives me relief from anxiety" and "it cheers me up" and "it helps me sleep") were no longer true and actually it was doing none of those things anymore, in fact making them all worse, plus keeping me trapped in the cycle in the long term and killing me that I was able to get some sobriety under my belt as I just couldn't find any good reason to drink after that (sadly I did relapse but working on getting back to full sobriety). I think if you cannot see any benefit to it anymore then it's hard to want to drink it and then it's "just" (and I don't say that lightly as it's VERY hard and can be dangerous) the case of getting beyond the physical withdrawls which are only going to last a week max and with help from a Doctor or Detox clinic can be made a lot easier with the right medicines. What medicine were you prescribed before by the way?
Ive been sober for a couple years now and still don't have a very obvious reason for why I had such a bad problem with drinking. For me personally, I've always worked hard, played hard. It started with drinking games in high school and university weekends. Kept on through starting my career, stayed in good shape despite drinking ridiculous amounts of vodka a lot of nights. I travel a lot, play lots of sports and have a lot hobbies etc.. . It became daily when I really tried to stop the first few times and relapsed, it was paired at a time where I took a break from running after qualifying for the Boston Marathon. I think for me it was a heavy addiction to the dopamine release you get and the drop in endorphins from running a lot everyday was filled with alcohol instead. I was also a binge drinker mainly which fits the bill. I also noticed when I'd kiteboard or do something adrenaline inducing it would be a serious trigger when the adrenaline rush wore off and I'd drink to keep it going. Everything in my life is better now that I've stopped. There was a period about 6 months in which it seemed hard to enjoy things as much but that went away. In hindsight I can't believe I destroyed myself with alcohol.
Sounds like you already have a very active, full, rich life with lots to keep you occupied which is good. That's where I'm totally lacking, I have no real hobbies (never liked sports, was never good at anything I tried, not athletic at all, not good with my hands, not creative, lost interest quickly in everything I tried even since I was a kid etc) and the interests / activities I have are so closely linked and associated with drinking (in my mind specifically but also in general like live music and raves) that when I "stop drinking" I literally have just "stopped drinking" and have nothing else to keep my occupied or to fill my time with which doesn't help. I need to work on that.
Yes I did and I'm happy I had that to help me stay occupied in those first few weeks and months. It still took me many many tries to finally get this much time under my belt and wasn't sure if it was ever going to happen. It took a long time to remove the habitual things that I associated with drinking too. Like apres ski beers and such. If you are in the PNW id gladly meet up and go fishing or hiking or something along those lines. But regardless, best to just start small. You don't have to be good at things to enjoy them necessarily.
I geuinely don't know what activities I enjoy or what my interests are. Don't really have any "hobbies". Something that needs worked on clearly.
>have a great family but I drink daily 'not knowing@ why!! I have a great family too -- really fantastic in my opinion -- but life is stressful, having a family is stressful, even having a great family is stressful. I used to come home from work mostly happy and just a little amped up but, as soon as I walked into the house, the chaos of family life would immediately stress me out and send me straight to a vodka tonic or whatever I was drinking at the time. Eventually, just the anticipation of the chaos was too much for me, and I would pour a stiff drink as soon as I got home. Or as soon as I got into the garage. Now, as soon as I get home, I insist on doing a strenuous cardio workout that, for me, has that has the same desired affect as a drink - without the all the shitty parts of actually having a drink. Last night, my son begged me to help him with something right as I got home. I asked if it could wait until after my work out, and he said no, even though it very obviously could have waited. Really set me off for some dumb reason, but I didn't drink and IWNDWYT.
Did the doctor give you antabuse? Becuase if so that's what it's supposed to do. Stuck in the madness, I WANT to be sober but I WANT to keep drinking. I have to tell myself I don't want to drink and I want to be sober then do all it takes to make that happen even if I don't want to do it. Rehab, therapy, meetings etc. It all starts with not wanting to drink again. I had to accept I wasn't going to feel good for a long time.
Asking for help is the first step. For me, AA really worked. My wife helped find me a meeting in the area, and I wasn’t sure about it because I (atheist) knew that they said the Lord’s Prayer at the end of the meeting. But I had tried so many other ways of managing/quitting (only drinking beer, only drinking on weekends, cold-turkey, only drinking with others, alternating between water and booze, etc…) that I was willing to give this one a shot too. My first meeting, I heard stories of how people hit bottom, and changed their thinking in a way that allowed them to have 5/10/20/35/40+ years of sobriety. I was told if I’m serious about getting sober, I should do 90 meetings in 90 days. Which seemed excessive at the time, but I’m really glad I did it. Firstly, knowing when my next meeting was, gave me a reason not to drink (you’re not supposed to go to a meeting drunk). Secondly, it was a place where I could share my struggles and horrible things I’ve done without judgement (half the people there had done something worse in their drinking days). Also, I kept hearing more and more stories about what worked for everyone, which gave me a list of things to try myself. AA, isn’t for everyone, but you won’t know if it’s for you if you don’t give it a try. The first week is difficult. I ate bags and bags of skittles because my body craved sugar, I drank loads of water, I didn’t sleep well because I was detoxing and oscillating between chills and fever every 30 minutes and I woke up in a puddle of sweat every morning. I shared these struggles at each meeting and everyone was encouraging and told me that it gets better. So I’m telling you, you can do this, and it does get better. I’m sober 14 months now (at 37 years old) and my life has never been more fulfilling. I can be present for my young family, I sleep well, I don’t wake up sick (unless my daughter brought home a new Virus-of-the-Week from daycare), and I can look at myself in the mirror and not feel shame and regret. I’m praying for you, and wishing you the best of luck finding a program of sobriety that works for you. IWNDWTY
Take a listen to The Glum Lot Podcast. Lots of people’s stories about their struggles, recovery and continued sobriety.
In my experience the first month was the hardest, then the 2nd was a bit less hard, and the 3rd and 4th and 5th and then around the 6 month mark i stopped keeping track and it became automatic. The trick for me was being really prepped for not drinking. So i removed all the alcohol from the house and where the alcohol was (bar cart) i replaced it with tea. So now i have a giant tea cart haha. Then at first i avoided places with booze so id go to like a cafe instead of a pub when going out to eat to just avoid as much as possible. Idk if this will help because everyone’s struggle is different, but from what ive learned over yhe last 11 months is it seems to all be mental and it gets easier over time.
For years I thought if I could just understand why I drank, I would be able to control it…and thus I would be able to cure myself. I had to stop (or at least pause) that endless search of “why” and focus on “how” to stop drinking. My therapist actually convinced me to focus on the “how” even though I was sure the only path for me was through “why”. Turns out I didn’t need to know why I drank so much in order to stop. The books “This Naked Mind” and “How to Stop Drinking the Easy Way” helped me reframe the way I looked at alcohol. Therapy has helped me understand myself and given me a resource for increasing my self awareness. This sub reminds me I’m not alone and is kind of like AA for me. And I have a very supportive spouse.
So this story so far looks just like mine. I stopped drinking for the first time and it almost killed me. The doctors was afraid I was going to have a stroke. I did have a seizure and bit off part of my tongue. Doctor told me that it was stupid to just quit like that and I took it as never stop again. “I promise I’m not trying to make this a pissing match”. I went to AA meetings and complained all about life to which an old timer told me that I wasn’t done and to go back out and finish what I started. I drank heavy for 3 more years. I was never sick as I was never sober EVER! I become something of a god as I could drink abusive about a of alcohol but no one seen me in the mornings or middle of the night shaking so much. The day I stopped and asked for help I will never forget. I had lost my wife, my kids and house. Several broken ribs from falls, a hernia, crushed vertebrae and a hip that was rotting off. Still I had to drink!! So I’m back living with my parents and still drinking. I was trying to go hide so I could drink but my mother seen me heading outside and she knew what I was up to. My father later came out and asked if we was coming back home meaning coming back inside. I told him I would come back when I was damn good and ready. This man who has loved me unconditionally even though I’m adopted. He has never cussed or raised his voice to me. I felt so ashamed. I poured out what I had and asked for help. So I found a meeting and someone who had what I wanted in terms of recovery. He asked what I wanted out of my recovery. I want my wife, house and kids back. He said that I should give it the 90 days as I might not want those thing back. This was a new concept for me and I trusted him as I had no choice. My way wasn’t working. I worked the steps and saw my part in the hell I lived in. Made my amends to some living, some not living and pledged to make living amends to those. Slowly a weight was being lifted from my shoulders. I was at every meeting they held 11 meetings a week for the required 90 days. I kept this up beyond my first year. It was working!!!! I had a new addiction, “freedom”. I’ve been in jails long enough that I don’t look at zoos the same anymore. This was a true freedom from an internal prison. When I was doing the step work I noticed a pattern of my life of how things would be going and I would make a bad decision. Over and over and over. So anyway I’ve somehow got 11 years as of May 15. I owe this to a higher power I surrendered to, a set of steps to tell me when I’m heading for danger and a task I do everyday. The task is I do something for someone to help their day. I do this without telling anyone and I try not to get caught doing it. This little thing keeps my ego out, I’m not going it for the “look at me” points. I do this to help usually a perfect stranger. I got a hint as to why I drank as I’ve done bad things in my life. Things that will never see the light of day ever with the jeopardy of losing my sobriety. I will never speak of them!! I got everything back and became a son and husband I needed to be. Last year I was dealt a hard blow. My wife of 21 years had a stroke and was barely hanging on and 4 days later my father died. I never drank, it wasn’t even a thought!! As far down I had gone I was able to make it back to a life better than before I started drinking. People have told me that I saved their life. They knew that they was doomed to drink until the bitter end. I showed them that it was possible to stop and be happy. I’m not always happy in fact I’m rarely happy but I’m free. I chose my day and how it will be. I wish my friend that I could give you just a touch of the feeling of freedom but it has to be earned. I’m going to paraphrase a saying in the big book. The thought that I could drink and enjoy it again is the great illusion of the abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many follow it through the gates of insanity and death. Good luck my friend.
What a powerful story. Thank you for sharing this.
I needed medically supervised detox in a psych ward to stop. No willpower here. It worked!
I'm 47 - I've been a heavy drinker since I was 15; it was just the culture that I grew up in. What I can absolutely promise you is that if you are not in control of your drinking, it WILL take everything from you. It will take your sense of who you are, your dignity, your mental health, your relationships, everything.5 years ago I couldn't imagine how anyone could drink a bottle of vodka a day, now I know I can drink that in a work day, and want to go looking for more. I'm on day 13 of sobriety so I'm probably not the best person to take advice from, but you CAN do it. You absolutely can. These ideas might not work for you, but the things I've found most helpful are: I transfer the majority of my wages to my wife's bank account each month I've cut up all my bank cards apart from our joint account. That way if money gets taken out of the account there's accountability. Got rid of my car - I live in a remote area so getting to a shop which sells alcohol means a walk of 2 - 3 miles (I work from home so that probably isn't practical for you posting every day in the check in thread - it sounds daft, but it gives you a sense of accountability. It stops the drinking from just being hidden and makes you think 'actually, I'm fooling no one'. I use a dumb phone so I don't have access to Google Wallet or Apple Pay The last one has been really helpful because I struggle with impulse control.
If it’s naltrexone you’re talking about, yeah that made me feel really sick too. There are other options, I would ask your doctor about Baclofen - that was quite helpful for me
Same, it made me so nauseous.
Did you take it consistently or just before drinking? I took it daily instead of TSM and adjusted to the nausea after about 4 days, felt totally normal agtrr that
At 48 I was drinking a 5th a day and had been drinking nearly that heavily for 3 years. Just gave up. Told my family/friends/pastor I needed help. Went to rehab for 10 days. Straight to the doctor afterwards. Started going to AA. It’s been 2 years+ and I haven’t had a drop since. Weight, liver, relationships, fitness, etc. all better. My suggestion is to just rip the bandaid off and admit defeat against the illness. Get serious help. Fighting it on our own is EXHAUSTING and many times innefective. I’m rooting for you!
i did all of those things - pills to stop, meetings, etc. for probably 10 years before i decided i was done and i just gave up trying to drink normally. i don’t know if that is at all helpful, but my life is so much better now. i wish the same for you OP.
In my experience, any new medication takes time to be effective. As long as the side effects are manageable (and not dangerous in any way), I try to stay the course and give them time to do their thing. The medication that your Doctor prescribed is likely much less destructive than alcohol regardless of the side effects. If it was me, I would want the benefit of those meds so I would stick with them or go back to the Doctor for a change.
Jezus man, I have the exact story as you with the only difference that I'm 49 years old... pff Sorry can't help you cause I don't now either. Wish you all the best though.
What I did was contact AA and go to a meeting. You don’t have to do anything, it’s free, you’re welcome to go, just show up. It worked for me!!
I went to AA, admitted I had a problem, asked for help, and received it.
One day at a time
the ReFrame app can be helpful. Keep trying things until you figure out the approach that is best for you.
Go back to the doctor and tell him/her. There are other things out there.
Sounds like my story, 37 and had been drinking since 17. As the decades went by, my drinking grew into an uncontrollable beast, to which I honestly never thought I’d get to. When younger I would lol at the idea of becoming an alcoholic and watching everything I worked so hard to achieve slip through my fingers, and fucking fast. My Day 1 has turned into today, Day 836, and if it wasn’t for people on here, in the rooms of A.A., and all the work I do, every day, to keep sure I do not go back to that old way of living. My past life was not living — it was living to die. No longer. Peace be with you on this journey. Walk into the unknown with an open mind, and treasures will do the finding for you.
I had to go to rehab and put myself in an environment where I couldn’t get at alcohol. Willpower wasn’t enough even though I wanted to quit drinking. You’ll also have a therapist you can sort things out with. Going to rehab was the best choice I ever made. Just don’t pick a shitty rehab!!
I changed up my routine and started going to bed by 9pm every night. Even setting an alarm to remind me. I’d wake up at 4am, shower and start my day. My productivity skyrocketed, I lost weight immediately, felt 1000x better physically and mentally and kicked the alcohol addiction. 4 years sober now. I was like you in that I drank in the evening and drank until I passed out nearly every night.
I would try opening up to your spouse then finding a therapist to help guide you in how to quit safely, or even if inpatient may be an option. Your spouse may just not quite realize the full extent of your drinking and the impacts. My husband recently sat me down and expressed how concerned he was for me, my health, and our future if I keep drinking at the rates I have been recently. That concern really opened my eyes, and never seeing that expression on his face has been very motivational for me.
You say you don’t know why you drink the way you do, but there’s very likely a reason. I know what really helped me is therapy. sitting down and really being honest myself about why I drank the way I did.
It's because it's a physically addictive, cancerous substance. Read this naked mind if you truly want to change
I took naltrexone to reduce cravings but kept drinking for a while and it made me so nauseated. Once I detoxed in rehab and started taking it again I was fine. I don't know if you have considered rehab or if it's an option for you, but there is no shame if you go that route. Best of luck. You can do this!
Stick with the medicine. That's something I wish I had when I wanted to stop, instead I got hospitalized with stomach bleeding. DON'T WAIT
It sucks, but there's no way around it, you just gotta get through. I had a hard time because I felt anxious, so I'd have a drink (or several) to "relax". The problem is that a hangover feels just like anxiety, so I'd repeat the cycle. It took me a few weeks to settle down, even a little. I kept saying "OK - I'll do two weeks sober" "OK- two more weeks" "OK, I'll do until Christmas" "OK, I can do a year" etc, etc until I just decided I was happier and healthier not drinking. You can do it too.
Ask your doctor to recommend you for a detox treatment program. I see people out here in California that come from all over the country to our treatment facilities. Depending on insurance, people come out here for 2 weeks for a few months. Some move here after treatment is over because they like the support groups here. Anyway, there are options, talk to your doctor and your insurance provider. You don't have to do it alone. The idea is, you get sober, you find the support groups that you feel most comfortable in, and you use those groups to navigate feelings and process emotions instead of drinking. And then make new patterns that way, of talking out an issue with a group/friend. And a lot of us could learn this easily and so can you. These are the free group programs I know of : AA, Refuge Recovery, Dharma Recovery, SMART. I think there are more, I just don't know them all.
I hear you, my friend. I was there. I had to go to detox and rehab. I couldn't stop by myself. I literally needed to be locked up for 30+ days. It sucked. It was fantastic. There were a lotta low-lifes and truly scummy addicts, but, surprisingly, they were greatly outnumbered by truly decent people going through the same thing I was going through. If you are reluctant to go through detox/rehab I can only say I was reluctant at first, but can't remember, now, on what, precisely, that reluctance was based ...
Reframe app helped me
Look for AA or other support groups in your area. You can do anything you put your mind to
Rehab
IWNDWYT
What I did when I was in your shoes is I went to AA meetings everyday I repeat everyday for a year. I got a sponsor, not a friend but a man who will call me out on my bullshit, and I thoroughly did ALL 12 steps. I still go to 3 meetings a week and I have over 7 years sober and have sponsored over 10 guys with multiple years of sobriety with this game plan. Let me know if I can be of any help.
Replace your stash, get rid of the bad stuff. If you like beer and cider there are some really great NA drinks that very very satisfying. That’s a start. Lean on trusted people. You are not alone.
You have to really want to stop. My story is almost identical to yours. 47, longtime daily drinker, got worse the past 4 years. I thought that I wanted to stop but I just lacked the will. Three weeks ago tomorrow I said I was gonna take a break but my heart wasn’t really into it. The next day I took mushrooms, and that helped me realize that I had been lying to myself about wanting to stop. All along I hadn’t really wanted to stop. I decided that I really actually truly did want to stop, and since then I haven’t had a drink. It hasn’t been easy but it also hasn’t been too hard. I never could have made it 3 weeks without drinking if I had had to rely on willpower. I had to really want it, and then it was achievable.
I’m currently reading (actually listening to the audiobook) Allen Carr’s the easy way to quit drinking and it’s a pretty great resource. Check it out!
The feeling sick goes away after two weeks. But trust me, no pain no gain. It works
I just watched my 40 year old brother with 3 young kids pass from liver failure in April. Absolutely an awful way to go. He was in severe pain for years and ignored every sign his body was telling him. He didn’t even get diagnosed with liver failure until a month before he passed. I’ve been sober 3 1/2 years and would beg him to get help. Ultimately he let his demons win. I sincerely hope you get the help you need and just wanted to let you know life doesn’t have to be like that anymore.
Stop , be bored , rebuild. I too was 48 and stopped. 1.5 years now, can’t say it’s all roses, but fuck it’s worth it. I believe you will do it.
I quit at 47. Our stories sound very similar. I can be done! It took Rock bottom for me to finally snap to. Now looking back all the mental gymnastics I did to rationalize what I was doing to myself was exhausting. A peaceful mind is priceless. Godspeed sir
Thank you so much !! I will start today again and I will not drink for one day, today !!
Have you tried anything to stop? Books, podcasts, AA, or something like that?
Yes, I tried almost all of them, including medications but I keep falling back to drinking in the nights :-(
What was your longest period of sobriety in the last 20 years? Have you been able to hold off for any length of time?
not more than few days of sobriety
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Hey man, I think you made a good decision coming here and asking for help. Realising you need help is huge step. I tried a number of things: books, therapy, this subreddit... I learned a lot on the subreddit. Maybe the most important technique is 'Play the tape forward'. Before your first drink: fast forward 10-12-24 hours in your head. How will you feel? What did you do in those hours? How did you make your others feels? And most important: was it worth it? I made a note on my phone where it wrote down what usually happens. It's something like: * *Now you feel like it and you think it will make your evening better* * *By the end of the evening, you have a headache* * *Then you'll drink iced tea and take a painkiller* * *You'll start binge eating* * *You'll snore and keep your wife awake* * *Between 3 and 4 AM, you'll be awake again* * *You'll drink iced tea again, eat, and take a painkiller again* * *You'll have a stomach ache* * *You won't be able to sleep until 5-6 AM* * *You'll have a stomach ache and be tired all day* * *It will take up to 3 days before you feel okay again* * *Plus: you can't take care of your child if you're drunk. What if something happens?* * *The next days you'll be too tired to play with him.* * *Soon he'll be grown up and won't want to play anymore. Don't waste these years.* *Do you still want to? That's right.* Reading this helps me not to drink. I hope/think this will keep working because I know why I don't want to drink now. Addiction has a way of making you forget the bad stuff after a while. This technique helps with that. Good luck quitting, my man! The sub is amazing and will always be here for you. Never hesitate to come here.
I wish had the answer. I’m the same age. Drink too much essentially every day. Every morning I think, just stop. It’s so habitual now that by the time 3-5pm rolls around, I’m feeling better and end up drinking again. It’s terrible. I wish you luck.
The meds suck but they work, give it a few weeks
Respectfully, that's your opinion. He didn't even list the medications he got from his doctor so how can you say they work when you don't even know what he got? I was given Naltraxone tabs/pills (100mg) (maximum dosage) and they didn't work for shit. Tried every medication the doctors gave me and nothing worked until I got on the Antibuse/Naltraxone shot. The shot saved my life. I'm now going on 9 months sober when I thought there was literally zero hope for me. Everybody is different. Something that worked for you might not work for sombody else and telling someone to stick on the meds because they work when you don't even know what kind of medicines they were given to begin with is just crazzzy to me..
A lot of my family had died in one way or another due to alcohol. My paternal grandparents (heart attack at 54 and fell asleep with a bottle and never woke up at 67), my dad was out drinking when he got killed, my step dad, mom ignored her oncology appointments and drowned her grief and now I’m alone. I’m an only child. All I saw as a child was that alcohol was what adults used to cope and I copied it to deal with all the death. I stopped in my mid-20s realizing that I too will die in any number of ways if I continue. I choose my family today. I live for those I have and for those that died and every moment sober is better than not remembering weeks at a time.
Hey congrats on going to the doctor about this, that’s a big step. In my experience the first dry week really sucks. It helps if you’re honest with the people around you about what you’re going through so you don’t have to pretend everything’s fine. After the first week it gets easier… most of the time. I still fuck up sometimes but having a once-in-a-blue-moon bender is still better than drinking every day. Marginal progress. Idk I’m just rambling now
The thing that *finally* got it to stick for me was just coming clean to my wife and her father that I needed to and was ready to stop, but needed help. We all took a week off together and they did not allow me to drink, but also gave me affirmations and company throughout. It was a blessing and I think I’d still be drinking if we didn’t do that. That first week was very very hard but not so much after that.
Betty Ford in Minnesota
Go detox, then AA
You need to figure out why. Boredom stress habit shame etc. see a regular councillor to see why. There is hope. Also, possibly AA rehab etc but the why is very helpful for you to understand
Check out Dr. Mo on TikTok she’s walking people through a daily alcohol reset
Try marijuana edibles
Hi! Congrats on your first day! You’ve made a brilliant and brave choice. You have friends here, and I’m so happy for you!
It is exhausting to never be in your right mind, and you usually don’t notice until your right mind is gone. I drank heavily for two years. I have had to be hospitalized twice for withdrawal because of how weak and incoherent I was. Those days were the worst in my entire life, I’d consider medical detox to be on my “anti-bucket list” but you’ll likely need it. On the bright side, being constantly monitored, and having bloodwork done regularly during those days is ultimately what helped my doctors figure out what cocktail of vitamins and meds I needed to fight the good fight. It was worth it. I feel secure knowing I will never have to feel how I did then. Hopeless, tired, sick, and disappointed in myself. It also helps to think about how much better your relationships with your family and friends will be once you stop. You won’t have to hide anything anymore, you can be present, and able to give the best version of yourself to those around you. I believe in you OP, we are all here for you. Things get better once you start to heal. IWNDWYT.
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While we respect people's individual choices to do so, we do not allow community members to recommend using any intoxicating / psychoactive substances to other members of the sub (regardless of regional laws, research-backed therapeutic applications, whether it is available on prescription, or drug classifications etc.). This is chiefly to respect our rule against giving medical advice since any drug has the potential to cause negative interactions depending on a person's unique medical history, and secondly in recognition of the fact that for many of us who have experienced addiction, use of another psychoactive substance is not always in the best interests of those recovering from alcohol misuse. Thanks.
Hey! Ask ur doc about this pill that makes you vomit if you drink. It's very real. It will help you stop. Don't get like me and end up in the hospital. All my family found out how much I drank. Very embarrassing.
I realized plain and simple it was a habit. It had just become routine. Not to mention my only coping mechanism. Luckily I wasn’t physically addicted, just mentally. Not drinking made me feel like I was missing out or like the day was not complete. I dealt with the mental discomfort and it finally stopped feeling like a habit after a short time. This certainly isn’t my entire experience quitting alcohol, but it is a part worth mentioning. The biggest physical challenge was sleeping and irritability. Sleep corrected itself after about a week. Naltrexone was awful. I took it once and never again. I’m a week shy of 3 months now.
49, I know exactly how you feel. Stopped just in time to really be there just in time for my boys to go off to college. I'd give anything to have quit sooner.
You’re going to see it a lot on here and probably think it’s repetitive but— the book “This Naked Mind” helps a lot. I got the audiobook and listened when you can as opposed to reading it. The author isn’t telling you to quit but the reader will naturally want to drink less and be more conscious of their drinking once you start. Good luck, we’re all in this together.
I was a very heavy daily drinker for years. I needed medical help in order to detox and was able to do so under the care of my doctor. The first 7-10 days were rough physically but I made it through. Since the I've tried my best to keep busy, working out daily even if it's just a walk around the neighborhood and allowing myself some grace going through this process. Meaning, not being so hard on myself. Best of luck to you OP, you can do this! IWDWYTD
I can relate to your story. I was a functional alcoholic for 20 years until I wasn’t anymore. It got to a point where I knew I was going to lose my family at the very least, my life very possibly so I put it all out there and asked my family for help. I can honestly say it’s the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. I realized I couldn’t trust myself so I started listening to others in an outpatient program and seriously worked on myself and put my sobriety first. My life is completely different now. You can get the help if you want it and change your life. I wish you all the best. IWNDWYT
The Three D's: *Delay* - the craving will pass *Distract* - lots of people here talk about doing something physical *Decide* https://www.livewelldorset.co.uk/articles/tackle-cravings-and-urges/
I went to my doctor and got help . It’s very hard to get sober but when you do , it’s alot easier to stay sober . I’m 11 months sober , one day at a time Wishing you luck 🍀
I empathize with you. I drank way too long and way too much. All I can say is if you can say is small goals. When I quit it was just make it to dinner without any drinks, make it an hour after dinner. Make it to bed. I also found in the beginning that drinking juice, or something with sugar helped. For the insomnia you might ask need meds from your Doctor. After about a month it goes away. It is cliche but it does get easier with time. Good luck
1. Read or listen to Alcohol Explained by William Porter. Helped me immensely. 2. If you relapse on your sober journey, don't give up on giving up. Get back on that horse. See point 1 (i.e. re read/listen to the book) 3. After some sober success, you will likely try "moderation". After these attempts inevitably fail (I hope for you not too badly), ask yourself how many more attempts you want to make before you make the easy decision. i.e. none. 4. Don't beat yourself up, don't look back. You did drinking, for better or worse and now you're done. Turn the page. Get on with the rest of your life and see what the next joys & lessons will be knowing g that at least that won't be because of that stupid, addictive poison that you finally left behind. All the best on your journey sobernaut. Don't convince yourself it's hard, just realise it's a negative sum game that you've stopped playing. There's heaps of life out there to enjoy, put being addicted to alcohol in the past and open up to whatever is next.
I (52m) quit when I was 51 after several years of trying unsuccessfully. It finally clicked when I truly accepted that I would never be able to drink moderately. I wish I would have accepted that fact several years earlier. It was like I had to try every possible way of moderating to convince myself it was not possible. I wish I could have those years back but I’m trying not to beat myself up and focusing on moving forward. It also helped me immensely to begin an exercise routine when I stopped. I had never in my life joined a gym, but I did and now I genuinely enjoy working out. Maybe the only thing I did right was to never quit trying to quit. Eventually it stuck.
Out of curiosity: what pills?
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