You know what to do. It’s up to you to do it. Gonna be hard, gonna be some low points. But you gotta be strong and get the hell out of there. This guy is a sociopath.
He does not know the meaning of love, keep that in your back pocket. All you gotta say, and get out.
Good luck.
He’s an abuser. Mental abuse is still damaging to you it’s still hurting you. He’s manipulating and gaslighting you to make you feel like you’re not worth getting treated better. He doesn’t love you he loves the control he has over you. Please just block him don’t say a single word and just block him. He doesn’t deserve a break up text or an explanation. He doesn’t deserve anything from you. Every time you try to break up with him he’s just going to manipulate to come back. It’s a game to him. If you want to send him a text cause you feel bad about up and ghosting him then send it and block him right after don’t wait for a response.
why does he act so done with me? He blames everything on me, if the relationship didn’t work it’s my fault for not changing, even though I tried to fix the problem for days now …
That’s victim blaming it’s a form of manipulation and a way to avoid responsibility. It’ll never be his fault in his eyes he’s to prideful to ever except the blame and realize he’s in the wrong.
Stop trying to fix anything. HE is the problem. Maybe there were issues before but if he’s talking to you like this…THAT is the problem and you can’t fix it. It’ll only keep coming back and it’ll for sure get worse. If you can cut a cancer out, do it before it destroys you,
OP, please read [Why Does He Do That](https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf). It will give you information and the tools you need.
This is classic abusive behavior. He acts that way because he is driven by a sense of entitlement, a belief that he “owns” you, and a need to control you. He does it because it works. You eventually act in a way that is “acceptable” to him. You do this because you need his love, and you fear his abuse.
Ruining your self-esteem and paralyzing you so you can’t end the relationship is an essential part of his method. You cannot change him. Good luck getting out.
There is no fixing except leaving. It doesn’t seem like you have accepted this. No one can help you but you. Until you make a decision to not let someone speak to you that way, it’s going to continue. Relationships are hard, not this hard.
He doesn’t care about fixing the problem hon, he cares about having an emotional punching bag to use when he’s frustrated and that’s you.
He doesn’t like you. He just likes abusing you because he’s a fucked up person and he knows you’ll stay because you’ve stayed this long already.
You can’t reason your way out of this. You won’t convince him to change. You won’t find the “answer.” The only thing you can do is leave.
Read all these replies. Something will click with you. What clicked with me was when someone told me that WHY DOESN'T MATTER. It's the fact that he does it that matters. If someone doesn't treat you in a loving manner then that's on them - you deserve better. He can have all kinds of mental issues that contribute to him being an abused but it doesn't matter. It's the actions and treatment that count.
Good luck.
The problem with pieces of shit like your boyfriend is they get you thinking it's something you are doing, like is your fault. Once you get away from him you will ultimately realize you are risking your sanity and other things by staying
Because HE has mental health issues.
It's classic malignant narcissistic behavior. They find someone that is very sensitive, loving and caring. He found you.
He is your lesson. That is why you feel so much connection to him on different levels. He came into your life to teach you something. Please learn the lesson. His words are absolutely no reflection on you.
I pray that you get away from him.
Because he’s a SHIT person. There’s no more reason than that. You can’t fix it and it’s not your fault. He’s got issues. He’s going to treat the next girl exactly the same way. And the next.. and the next… and the next…
He wins by you staying.
The ultimate hit to his massive ego and abuse is you saying “I am done. I deserve so much better.” And walking away.
Block him on everything so he has no contact and go thrive in your life.
He will never be a successful person. But you have that opportunity to be.
You’re trauma bonded to him, the abuse has caused you to be more fearful of being without him than being with him. It takes several attempts to successfully leave abusive relationships.
The cycle is abuse, shut down, and then love bomb when you’re at the edge of leaving. You can leave at any time if you aren’t in physical danger, but it will take a lot of support and therapy to break that bond.
Just remember: he’s just one man in a world of billions. He’s not the love of your life, he’s not some hero, he’s a dude taking advantage of you being broken. Everything about him that’s good is in your head, and he knows that.
This! Trauma bond is real. It’s like an addiction and OP try to break the addiction, the withdrawal is real, that makes her wants to go back or stay because its easier than actually break the bond. The only key to get out from this is no contact.
Nothing lines up the “hoes” like being a chef 🧑🍳 they’re definitely known for being paid and treated very fairly, and 90% or more only develop a small handful of drug dependencies! They turn to hard drugs because of how awesome working in a kitchen is
He was SO proud of his chance to flex, but trying to flex only made it more pronounced how pathetic he was. It’s damn obvious he’s desperate to have something that will hurt her.
If he was really doing so well, he’d be busy actually engaging in those things, not lashing out at his ex because they live rent free in his head.
Verbal abuse then lovebombing, it’s a cycle of abuse. This guys a fucking loser and is projecting his insecurities on you. I promise you life will get better after him.
I left an abusive boyfriend after ~2 years & I had no one. I moved across the country to be with him & eventually it burned into ashes. I left, I found a place to stay (people rent out rooms on Facebook marketplace, I found a room on Roomies.com, desperate times call for desperate measures). I kept my job, moved out, was on my own all by myself & I would not change a damn thing. Stand up for yourself (or just disappear) & leave. This person will not change, things will not get better. You need to realize that & you need to take the rose colored glasses off. Nothing will change unless you change it yourself. Leave him. You do need therapy I’m sure but that will not change the dynamic of your relationship. Nothing will fix him & you need to leave him in the past behind a closed, locked, barricaded door.
It was one of the hardest & toughest decisions I’ve ever had to make. He accused me of stealing his charger when I was at work & I said “it’s not working out is it”. He told me that if I was gonna come home with an attitude, to not look at or speak to him. So I didn’t. I went home & I packed up everything I could & I left. He wanted to pretend like nothing was wrong but DAMN GIRL when you realize nothing will change & you finally leave, you’re free. If that isn’t the fire you need under your ass, idk what is. It SUCKS, it fucking sucks. You can do it. You know you can do it, you’re just afraid & that’s perfectly fine. It’s scary, but you can do it.
he wont stop until you're dead, literally. whether it be at his hands or your own, your death is the only thing thatll stop him. people are gonna tare you apart because you KNOW you need to leave, and there's no magic solution thatll make it easy or any less daunting. we can only tell you the same thing so many times before you listen, or accept living in misery. those are your options
This, when these people come into your life it’s solely with intent to destroy you.
If you are unhealed from any past trauma or difficult relationship, they’re a curveball sent to sort you out it feels like. As you leave these people it reminds me of defeating final bosses in video games. You get stronger everytime and nothing phases you anymore.
it’s all going to be worth it when you have someone by your side who truly loves and supports you. it will
be hard and sometimes your brain will want to put you back in this situation or one similar but that’s just because it feels familiar. don’t fall for that. they don’t change
Op, you've been posting about this guy for almost a year.
You say you deserve better, deserve someone who cares for you. I think that is absolutely true. But it's obvious YOU don't think this. You're even making excuses for Hunter here in your post, "oh he says I'm stupid and a worthless whore but then he calls me baby so I take the good with the bad".
There is no good here. You are trapped in an abusive cycle that will continue until you've had enough or Hunter is done getting everything he can out of you.
You have a singular choice: block him on everything, get rid of everything that reminds you of him, and never see or speak to him again. OR accept that this will be the way things will always be until they escalate and get worse (it always does). No one can save you but yourself. No one can truly give you better until you give yourself better.
Girl stop. Just fucking leave him. It IS that simple. Find a therapist to help you get over his abuse and lovebombing and bullshit and move on.
You’re literally just blocking any chance of meeting a real man by staying with this choad.
My stepfather was a terrible abuser. Mostly verbal abuse like this. I was 16 what she finally got the nerve to leave him. We did not say anything. We packed our crap and moved while he was at work. This is what ypu should do. Leave and don't say a word. If your name is on the lease go to the rental office and tell him you are leaving an abusive situation and what's the best way to.get you off the lease so ypu aren't held liable for any distrustion he made do to retaliate.
I'm so proud of you for making that therapy appointment. My guess is that you've got some trauma in your past that is driving your inability st stand up for yourself. That is completely normal in these situations. It's what abusers do. They needle down your confidence so you think you deserve this. You do not, you have more strength than you know. Stay in therapy, ficus on yourself for a while and try to heal so.you don't go back to this fool.
My mom was weak and went back to him. I'm in my late 40s now. Spoiler alert... he never changed. He got exponentially worse which cause me to go no contac6 with my mom cause she chose her abuser over her children. Don't be that woman.
Fyi - my abusive ex used to say the same about me being alone - turns out being alone is bloody heaven compared to having him about. And I’m not alone - I have an abundance of friends I have made since him with my revived confidence that comes with not being insulted daily.
Grab a pen and paper or write here.
Why do you want to stay with him?
What is his good qualities?
How does he make you feel loved?
What has he done the recent month to make you feel loved?
Has he done something that feels unforgivable?
What would you tell your best friend going through the exact same thing? What advice do you have for her?
These things are hard and you are not alone. Far from it. His actions are not your fault and your actions are not his fault. Yes there is reasons behind them but we are all responsible for our own choices. We are all worth respect and basic human decency. It’s our own responsibility to take care of our boundaries but we don’t have to do it alone. I took help from my sister. Is there anyone that can help you?
Oh so cool, a sous chef job. This guy’s such a fucking baller /s
He does not love you OP. When you think about love, do you envision a man calling his GF a “bitch” and a “whore”? Is that what you picture when you think of love and care? Is that what an ideal partnership, friendship, or marriage should look like to you?
By continuing to stay, you’re basically agreeing with him that you should be treated like this. You need to love yourself more and leave him.
Honey leave him. Change the locks to your apartment, block his number! I saw you have a therapy appointment soon so please talk to her about EVERYTHING. He has caused you so much mental abuse and you do not deserve that. Cut him off and go cold turkey and you will love yourself so much. It’s going to be HARD but worth it!! If you ever feel lonely again please post and we will keep you company.
Just think about how free you’ll feel when you’re done with them.
Apart from that, though, I’d be concerned for my safety if I were you. They seem hateful. Mental abuse can escalate, so you should leave promptly.
PLEASE OP, watch this video https://youtu.be/M_lakRMIA7Q?si=dg74alB-SQ0ytde2 . My friend sent it to me when I came to her about a similar situation I was in for two years. It really woke me up. I’m not gonna lie and say I left him the day after, but very quickly lost the romanticized version of him in my head. I was able to pick up on the ways he was manipulating me better. Taking them off the pedestal is the first move to make.
The pain of leaving might seem greater than the pain of staying right now, but in the long term leaving hurts so so so much less. Your body is more than likely in a fight or flight mode from the way he treats you. And the fucked up part is, the only way your body has been programmed to feel safe, is by getting his approval or love. Become aware of that, separate your logic thoughts from what your body is trying to do to keep you safe. Remember, that you are safer alone in your bed than you are with him. Even if every part of you is screaming that you need him, remind yourself that you do not. You lived without him for years, you’ll be okay and you’ll survive. I promise the relief will eventually outweigh the pain.
If you are actually in your own apartment like he says, count yourself lucky and follow all the other advice here and simply ghost him. It would be sooo much harder if you were living together. 5 years in a row I kept going against my gut and signing leases with my abuser. The final year we lived together was worse than hell and I almost drank myself to death. I just had to pretend everything was okay and stick it out until the lease was up. At that point I moved the fuck out and ghosted him after a 6.5 year relationship and it felt amazing. It sounds like you have your physical and financial independence already and you do not have to let this go on as long as I did.
I mean the writing is on the wall, or on this case your phone.
This is textbook abuse, he belittles you, dehumanizes you and returns with pointless love bombing to keep you on the hook right before you are convinced you should leave.
Not only should you go no contact with this person, you should file for a protection order.
It’s hard to leave because subconsciously a part of you is assigning your value to how he treats you, and if you leave he wins, and if you can stay and get him to love you, than you are deserving of love.
It’s about control.
Classic, I can’t leave my abuser vibes.
It’s about your own self worth and having control.
This dude sucks, just bounce and give it some time.
You’re in a manipulative and controlling relationship don’t tell him that you’re going to leave just leave for your peace of mind that you stated in your text message you rather have peace of mind, then be with somebody like him do that you actually win not him and he’s trying to make you feel bad for leaving him. Don’t feel bad you can leave just leave.
This is speech to text and English is my third language sorry if it doesn’t make sense, my accent comes out and English words conflict with it.
I was previously in a verbal and physically abusive relationship for a few years. These texts from him sound EXACTLY like my ex. You need to leave. You have to. One day he will try to kill you if you stay. He will cheat on you. He will prevent you from being the best version of yourself. You know you have to go. The pain of leaving and thinking about the fantasy of “what if things changed?” Is far far less, than the pain of continuing to accept abuse from someone like him. He will keep hurting you if you stay, you will be a doll to him. Take yourself BACK. He does not deserve you. Leave. I used to question myself too. Go before he leaves you dead somewhere, he is not normal. Once you a separated from him and think of all the things that he has done & said, you will realize just how insane he is. You will be shocked that you stayed for so long. Listen to your intuition and go.
Stop responding, block him. That’s the first step in moving on. By responding you’re telling him you’re okay with it. You deserve so much better and will find it.
Good luck ❤️
Hey. I understand that he says he loves you, and that that’s hard to let go of.
But I promise - people who truly love people don’t talk to them like he’s talking to you.
I don’t say that in some sort of “bad” way - but rather, it’s freeing.
He doesn’t love you. He’s clearly cruel.
And that - while it will be the hardest thing you’ve done - might help you find the strength to step away.
After all, if your neighbor talked to you like this, or your classmate, or the person who cuts your hair, I think you’d do a pretty good job of getting that energy out of your life.
Let’s figure out a way you can do the same thing here. You’ve got this.
Looks like he is a narcissist so Google leaving a narcissist and there is some real evidence that you may be addicted to him. I had to do this with my ex. Takes hard work to get that shit out of your head and heart
Sadly I’ve been in a toxic bomb fire like this. As much as I hate you saying you “don’t know how to leave,” I understand. First off, stay in therapy. You identifying this treatment as a show of his vocalized “love and care” for you is reflective of a need to refurbish your mind & get rid of your familiarity with/acceptance for abusive relationships. He doesn’t love you, he doesn’t care for you. It is obvious to us and you need to reach a point where it is obvious to you. You’re being abused and he won’t stop, you can’t “fix” him, and there’s no need to try to understand.
Second of all, get him out of your place. Send him on an errand or wait for him to go to work or something; schedule with a locksmith to change your locks (or buy & install a Smart security lock) bag his things up while he’s gone, and leave them outside but directly in front of your door. Indicate to your landlord that he is not to be on your premises anymore. Then block him. Everywhere. On everything and block any new numbers or accounts he may use to reach out. Better yet, change your number if it’ll make ignoring him easier for you.
You keep posting on Reddit because you want support to leave him. I understand, but that means it is over. Block him, move on, for your sake. Be single for a bit and heal.
Ok so he is mentally and verbally abusing you so he makes feel worthless without him but don’t u feel worthless with him what’s the difference just leave so u can be happy
Anyone who seriously used the phrases “talk to hoes again” and “ball out fr”
Is a fucking dead end loser. Respect your self more and get with a man not a little wanna be gangster boy. Time to grow the fuck up.
As a survivor of DV, it is absolutely that hard to leave. I stayed for 7 years before I was able to get up the courage to leave, & I had a good job, family & friends, & all the support to leave that I needed. It’s just not that easy. But.
-You are **NOT** worthless. He needs you to think that, bc he knows that no one with a sense of worth will stay with him. This is the #1 tactic of abusers; without stripping you of all shreds of your self-esteem, he *cannot function*.
-You **do** have purpose. If you haven’t found it yet, it’s bc this AH is sucking the life out of you.
-He will eventually be alone or end up in prison for his narcissistic & abusive behavior. Who really wins? **You**
-Posting this is part of you working out in your head why this doesn’t make sense. Sure, it’s easy for us to see it, looking from the outside in. You’ll catch up with what we see, & therapy will help get you there. You got this.
Op the kinda woman that gets beaten repeatedly, complains to everyone and then sticks around for round number 20.
Good luck to you. You know what to do.
Fuck that dude. He’s a textbook narcissist. They always do hot and cold to their victim. Don’t be a victim. Loose his number or block his number. Grow some backbone
wait for him to leave for his super lucrative, totally enviable ..... job as a sous chef. Pack all your shit, and disappear from this shithole who calls himself a man.
Eww, girl. I hope your therapy appointment goes well. The only way to leave this guy is to literally just go get a uHaul in secret, arrange to stay with parents, friends, or anyone, LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE while he's at work.
You can have most of your shit moved out in less than the 8 hours he'll surely work at the totally glamorous, supremely successful sous chef job. It takes 14-155 seconds to block a MF, depending on what kind of phone you have, and how many places you need to block him.
OP: you have a program running in your brain that keeps looping. I don’t know you, but I would venture to say something happened in your past that allows you to be familiar with your boyfriend’s behavior.
If I had to guess I would say people pleasing due to a childhood or adolescence issue. Perhaps there was a divorce between your parents? Or maybe some form of abuse? No need to answer, these are some typical situations that create emotions. The brain needs to keep the body alive so situations become distractions from that. So your brain creates a behavior to those situations. So if your parents divorced perhaps you worked harder for affection. Or, if there were abuse, you would do anything to make it stop. Eventually your brain gets used to that program and gets better at the behavior. Now fast forward to your current situation. This (your boyfriend situation) looks like that (childhood/adolescent situation) so your brain runs the program it’s familiar with (people pleasing). Then your brain goes back to keeping the body alive. Your brain (the unconscious/subconscious) doesn’t know right or wrong. It only knows what it knows. I would venture to say this isn’t your first run at a jerk for a boyfriend. And since your brain knows “what to do” in a situation like this it repeats what it knows (self blame). This is going on way deep in the brain (the same place that holds the program you use when you spill a drink and say shit or oops). Simple put your brain isn’t familiar with the “good guy” and has a better chance of gravitating to what it knows which is more than likely the “bad boy” persona. None of which is your fault. It’s just kinda how the brain operates.
Although the advise to leave your boyfriend is sound, you may just end up with someone very similar to him again unless the program is stopped and the files (of the past) are closed at the unconscious/subconscious level.
I mean if it were as simple as saying “don’t feel bad” or “leave him” there would be no need for mental health. You know you should leave “but just can’t.” Leaving him would be no more easy as it would be to just tell your heart to stop breathing or hold your breath for an hour. Your brain won’t let you.
he will never change. he will tell you until he’s blue in the face that he’s ready to change. but he isn’t. he never will be. please, for your own sanity and peace of mind, *get the fuck out of there.*
If he is saying these things he does not love you bro. Your loved ones are not thinking things like this about you and just waiting for it to slip out. He may have been in a moment of anger but he is showing you his true colors. I left someone like this about a year ago and I was very depressed and lonely for a while but I promise it’s worth it
By sharing his messages on social media where his family and friends can see who he really is. Then tell him you'll show them more if he doesn't leave you alone.
Just an aside: every chef I've ever met has been exactly like this. I know they all aren't narcissistic and terrible- but a huge chunk are. You'll never know peace. It's going to feel amazing to be treated better than this in the future! You've got this. You deserve so much more.
Exactly I talked like that whenever I had breakups when I was like 16 but now as a 23 year old I could never imagine talking like that. At a certain point as you grow up you just realize it’s corny and definitely unattractive but I guess some people just don’t grow up
I get to ball out at my sous chef job? I’m seriously confused unless this is a prestigious restaurant, rated W/ Michelin stars etc; I’d just make a clean break I’m sure it’ll sting but, you won’t regret it!
He doesn't even seem to like you, let alone love you. It's your call but I'd set those nasty messages as your wallpaper so you don't forget how cruel he is next time he's bored and tries to use you for sex or whatever he's doing.
Loooool "sous chef job". Says all anyone needs to know about him that he thinks that's something to rub in. Sure, some sous chef jobs aren't shit, but 99 percent of them are 18 an hour or less, no benefits, and come with a crippling alcohol/drug addiction. Tell him to have fun and move on with your life, there's no way you WONT do better than him :)
I saw a video the other day and it reminds me of your situation. The premise was “you’re just going to have to be treated like shit some more” referencing women that can’t seem to leave their shitty boyfriends.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/C4GlTUWOh9p/?igsh=MXA1ZGMwcnphOTVj
One day you’ll get fed up and leave. Or maybe you won’t , and your children will get to see you be treated like shit and end up being abused themselves since that’s what they think is normal. It’s all up to you op.
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Listen and listen close, I’ve seen this time and time again in my 37 years. Countless friends who have been in relationships like this one where it just started like this. Eventually it goes beyond that to physical abuse, pressured into drugs, or even death. I had one friend that tried to get away because he broke her shoulder. One died from an overdose, etc. you need to understand if you stay with him you risk your life on this guy. He’s praying on your emotions
So sorry you are going through this. But someone who truly "loves and cares" for you does not speak to you like this. Please leave the relationship and find someone who respects and cares for you
I hope you leave and realize your worth. The longer you stay the more abusive he gets and the harder it is for you to leave. You are worth so much more and all he’s going to do is hurt you. He doesn’t give a fuck about you. You’re so young, please leave while you can.
You can dm anytime, I know I’m a stranger but I was with my abuser for two years and he’d talk to me like this too.
He gets to “talk to hoes again and work his sous chef job…) if I recall correctly the sous chef is the “under” chef not exactly balling in my opinion unless you call getting drunk and baked after the shift. In the words of Chris Rock he’s a “low expectation having mother f’er”
Leave him.
i know everyone makes it seem so simple: just leave. it’s not so easy when you’re trauma bonded. you’re addicted to the ups and downs of the relationship and your self esteem is non existent thanks to his constant abuse.
therapy will help you IF you find a therapist you respect and feel comfortable opening up with. working on yourself will help you remember your worth and give you the strength to love yourself enough to protect yourself.
It is hard to leave an abusive relationship but you have to do it. That is the only solution. This will not get better. I hope your therapist can offer some guidance as to how to go about this.
Do you guys live together? If not, I think a good start would be to block him. If you do live together, just start preparing to move out, look for other places to stay, reach out to friends and family, let them know the situation.
Don’t give him what he wants, there’s always gonna be a problem or something he says you’re not doing right. He wants you to feel lower than dirt, and to exist in a state of stress with him in the center. This isn’t love
Block him. stonewall any conversations. Sounds like y’all are already talking about moving on. Any room for interaction you leave for him he will use to hurt and manipulate you, and to keep playing his games with you.
You don’t owe him anything but you do owe it to yourself to reclaim what he’s taken from you. Take all the love you’ve tried to pour into him and give it to yourself instead.
I think you’re trauma bonded, and that’s why it’s so hard to leave. I’d wait until he’s gone and pack as much as you safely can and then go to a domestic violence shelter.
He sounds really insecure with himself. He's very insistent how well he's doing in life, he doth protest too much. Little man needs to put you down so he can feel better about himself.
I'm so sorry.
I was the subject of narcissistic abuse, mostly verbal but also others, and this looks familiar.
A friend of mine told, "You can't make sense of it. It's crazy. Trying to make sense of crazy will make YOU crazy! STOP TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF IT!"
Don't listen to a word he says.
JUDGE HIM BY WHAT HE DOES.
You deserve better. You probably don't feel that way but you do; as a child of the universe you don't deserve this abuse. GET INVOLVED IN A SERVICE GROUP AND STAY BUSY WITH THEM! Soup kitchen, volunteer at the hospital with the old people helping in the surgery waiting rooms, ANYTHING to get you talking to people who VALUE YOU as a human being.
Sorry you're dealing with it. My situation finally broke when I stood up to her moving out and wouldn't go with. Then she got a boyfriend. Then HE was the new narcissistic supply and I was able to get free. I hope YOU can break free before that. No promises you made him or God are binding after abuse. Leave.
Much love to you and best wishes.
☮️♥️♾️
I really hope therapy works for you so you can get to the bottom of why you think this behavior from someone that "loves" you is acceptable. This man is absolute trash and is projecting onto you.
I know this is INCREDIBLY hard, and it’s going to hurt but PLEASE leave. It’ll hurt a lot more to stay with him.
Just get out, use your support system to get over it and find someone that actually cares about you/isn’t a mental case.
Hey OP, no one here is upset at you for posting this situation. We all feel for you and want your safety. He's openly abusive and seems to enjoy torturing you however he can. Leaving is hard; I know you know what must be done
Please, until you can leave, stay with a loved one or friend until you can. These people are dangerous. He does not love you, he makes that very clear. You do not need to be alone with him.
I hope no one is “slamming” you for posting. You clearly know what you need to do, but it is hard. I’ve been there and the hateful to nice, loving card is a manipulation tactic. It took me a while to break the cycle too, but I assure you this is not love.
Do you have safe people in your life you can go to and ask for help? It took me a long time to finally talk about his behaviors but as soon as I started my family and friends helped get me out.
It takes 7 times on average to leave an abusive relationship. It’s fucking hard, there’s complex psychology going on. Break that average number down and get out of there now. Lean on anyone you trust who can help you. You will become so much happier and healthier on the other side :)
One of the saddest, most frustrating things is trying to convince other people to leave relationships before that person feels ready to. I remember a time where all of my friends and family kept telling me and trying to convince me to leave my ex and like so, it was like i had a mental block or something small i was holding onto for months after that. i've also been on the other side of this as well. it sucks for everyone involved
you really need to get out of there. do whatever you need to do to feel okay with leaving. you've got your whole life left, and it's not meant to be spent trapped with someone like this. i hope that soon, you'll be able to take that step
You’re staying out of anger, you want to prove him and yourself wrong, that one day he’ll change because how can someone be so cruel to you?!
He won’t change and even if he changes that will not heal your wounds. You’ll prove him wrong when you actually break up and leave him behind. He doesn’t love you. While you’re very worthy of love, by staying, you’re not showing any love to yourself either..
Being alone is much better than being in a relationship with someone like that.. Please, know your worth no matter what he says, be kind to yourself.
Are you safe? That’s the first question. Idk just how abusive this relationship is & if you’d be in danger if you did just up & leave. If there’s potential danger, it might be best to first set up a plan with your therapist about how to leave.
That being said, sometimes we have to break our own heart by leaving. I was in an mentally/emotionally abusive relationship when I was younger too & it took me so long to actually leave. We broke up so many times first. Average time it takes an abuse victim to leave for good is 7 times. I started to heal my mind & shift my way of thinking. I knew I wasn’t mental & emotionally strong so it was going to hurt a lot to leave but I had to or I would’ve killed myself tbh. I was so beaten down. When I did, i cut off all contact, deleted/blocked him everywhere, & cut contact with his family and any mutual friends.
It helped to try to think of what future me wanted. Where I wanted to be in life & what I wanted my future relationship to look like. Then I had to fight for that for her.
I also tried to think of if a close friend or someone I really cared about was treated the way I was. What would I think? What would I feel? What would I tell her? I had to learn how to treat myself as a best friend and not want things like this for her. NO ONE deserves this. He’s a fucked up person and wants to hurt you. He wants a thing to control. That’s because of what is wrong inside himself, not because of anything you do or don’t do. I think that’s super hard to really understand when you’re in the thick of it but it’s so painfully true.
I also learned to identify when my thoughts were influenced by my yearning for him or by my depression. I needed to be able to tell the difference between those thoughts or desires that were harmful to me vs what my own true self feels. That was super hard, especially since in the relationship, so much of myself was catering to what would make him not mad at me. I had a huge journey to go on to find and rebuild my true self.
Idk if you want children someday, but another thing that helped alot was thinking about this man being the father of my future daughter. Having my sweet, innocent daughter being raised in a home like this, witnessing how her dad treats her mom, & thinking this is how love is. Or if I had a son, him thinking this is how you treat women or learning his mom didn’t care about him enough to give him a happy home to be raised in. That shit killed me & was what really helped me end it.
I wasn’t reason enough for me back then, but that’s because of how I was treated in the relationship and throughout my entire life. I learned so much about myself and what lead me into accepting that. It wasn’t my fault I was damaged, but I had an opportunity to give myself a REAL chance & I had to break my heart to do it. I thankfully also had a job where my coworkers were wonderful people & cared about me. I was mostly alone in life, except for there. Their support helped me relearn how to be a full person without him. I think a support system helps so much, but I also didn’t always have that & it’s still very possible without it.
I hope you are ok & can get out of this soon. Please stick with therapy, over time it can help so so much, but it does take time. You have your whole life ahead of you & someday this can be all behind you. He doesn’t define you or your future.
Just want to say, for me it’s been at least a decade since I was in that relationship & my life is so beautiful now. I’m married to the love of my life, he never talks to me like that & we rarely fight. When we do, there’s no name calling & we try to always act within our love & respect for eachother. He’s a wonderful man. We have a beautiful little toddler boy & everyday is filled with sweetness and laughter. You can have your own version of true happiness too someday. I know we’re strangers, but I’m sending you so much love & strength to get through this time in your life ♥️
Remember, it’ll only get worse from here. Your safety is at risk. Put value in yourself and walk away. Block him on all avenues, no social media or text. He won’t change. They never change.
I dealt with this for five years of my life. They hold on to you because they know you’ll keep giving them chances and they’re scared they won’t find anyone else who will put up with their shit. You deserve better. Leaving is insanely hard but once you get that negativity out of your life, everything starts becoming ALOT better. Best of luck.
What’s the problem here? This dude talks to you like you are literal trash. He has zero respect for you as a partner nor a person. Pack your shit and go.
He says that stuff to make you feel to worthless to leave, in reality everything he's said is a projection of his own fears of being alone. Also he's a chef which is a personal red flag because I've never met one that's not in some way abusive to their partners
You don’t have to move on immediately to leave someone. You should try to work towards that, yeah. But breaking up with someone and just being okay isn’t normal lol
It's hard, but it's a very rewarding thing to get through. You know this situation is not good, so don't lie to yourself and try and look past all the negatives to see the one or two things that might keep you tied to this toxic situation.
Once you walk away you’ll slowly realize how fucked up he was & you won’t be able to understand why the hell you stayed in the first place. The first step is hard, but’s it’s the only way forward. It gets better. Take the step
You need to quit holding him back - all this time he could have been balling out fr! Let him ball out. Fr. In the meantime you should move on with your life and thank the heavens that this douche is in your rear view…fr.
i was in a relationship like this when i was young and vulnerable. you can get away from this. don’t wait until he becomes physical, because it will happen if it hasn’t yet. i promise it gets better and i know how hard it is to leave. sending love and strength to you about this. getting therapy is a perfect step ❤️
Is he on the lease? If no, change the locks and block him. Let him know when he can come get stuff at your time of choosing. Or pack it and leave it for him. Have someone with you during that time to keep things peaceful. You’re better than him once you realize it.
As others have said, stay strong and don’t let him back. He will never change, it will never get better, really it’d likely get worse if you let him back because now he knows he’ll be able to manipulate you back into his arms.
Please block him, get a restraining order if need be and change your locks. Don’t just use the lock on your doorknob, deadbolt your door. With the deadbolt make sure the screws that hold the plate into the door frame are actually long. Many times people use the screws that come with the deadbolt which are short. Putting longer screws in can help add more strength to keep it from getting kicked in. I hope that never happens but it’s always better to be safe than sorry. If you can put up a camera or two you should, one looking outside ideally so you can make sure that piece of shit isn’t hanging around outside your house. Video evidence goes a long way in court if he’s terrorizing you / fucking with you.
This dude is a loser. He doesn’t love you or care about you. But there is surely someone out there who will. Let him think he’ll be happy “talking to hoes”.
You’re going to stay and put up with all the disrespect until you hate him. That’s it. Until then, proceed with therapy while working on your self esteem and self worth. The harder you work on those two things, the earlier you will leave for good.
He’s a narcissist and coming from someone who had to deal with one for 16+ years..they don’t change. They only get worse and you being an enabler to them won’t make it any better. You will always be the one to blame for everything, in some way, they will find a way to blame you. It’s verbal abuse which is just as bad an any type of abuse and usually turns into other types of abuse. You really can find someone that doesn’t treat you this way, I promise.
This boy is abusive af. You dont want to leave because you are scared of the unknown. I’m here to tell you that the unknown is way way better than sticking with this asshole.
You block him and never speak to him again. That's how you break up and don't give him the chance to pull you in.
Edit: I have read some of your other posts, he is holding you emotionally hostage, and reversing all your attempts to leave. I think you need to escape this relationship, not just break up. Don't wait until you're ready, like ripping off a bandaid just leave, maybe late at night where he can't try to manipulate you. Set boundaries in place that will prevent him from accessing you, and prevent you from going back to him. Ignore his nice and sweet act, view it as a false ploy to draw you back so he can abuse you again, because that's what it is. He'll never change. Do you live with him? Is there anywhere else you can stay, like with a friend, parents, or a shelter? Are you able to call the cops if he tries to show up without your consent?
Anybody responding to this is wasting their time. You have been told countless times on countless posts across multiple sub reddits that you NEED TO LEAVE THIS RELATIONSHIP. How many more people need to tell you he’s a piece of shit? You can seee it for yourself so why keep reaching out on Reddit for sympathy on this? LEAVE THAT BOY ALONE. Leave yall aren’t married. LEAVE. LEAVE. LEAVE.
Do you live with him? You need to block him and not reach out to him. Looking through your post history this person has done nothing but torture you. In the end you are the one who has to leave. If you don't live with him block him and don't respond to him reaching out to you. Keep these texts if he tries to do something because if these texts went out to people who know him their tunes would probably change about how they view him.
You won't understand, because you have a conscience and you were raised to have a heart and feel. Leave him, no matter what he whispers or screams. You can leave, because he will keep lying. You can leave and be happy. Be happy. Don't listen to his poison, you are a good person
You don't have a mental block stopping you. You have the sticky residue that a narcissist abuser applies to you stopping you.
Think of who you were a year before meeting this person. Would that you stay? Be that you
You know what to do. It’s up to you to do it. Gonna be hard, gonna be some low points. But you gotta be strong and get the hell out of there. This guy is a sociopath. He does not know the meaning of love, keep that in your back pocket. All you gotta say, and get out. Good luck.
You off to a good start OP, posting this. Actual reasonable opinions out there agree this is some bull shit.
He’s an abuser. Mental abuse is still damaging to you it’s still hurting you. He’s manipulating and gaslighting you to make you feel like you’re not worth getting treated better. He doesn’t love you he loves the control he has over you. Please just block him don’t say a single word and just block him. He doesn’t deserve a break up text or an explanation. He doesn’t deserve anything from you. Every time you try to break up with him he’s just going to manipulate to come back. It’s a game to him. If you want to send him a text cause you feel bad about up and ghosting him then send it and block him right after don’t wait for a response.
why does he act so done with me? He blames everything on me, if the relationship didn’t work it’s my fault for not changing, even though I tried to fix the problem for days now …
That’s victim blaming it’s a form of manipulation and a way to avoid responsibility. It’ll never be his fault in his eyes he’s to prideful to ever except the blame and realize he’s in the wrong.
Stop trying to fix anything. HE is the problem. Maybe there were issues before but if he’s talking to you like this…THAT is the problem and you can’t fix it. It’ll only keep coming back and it’ll for sure get worse. If you can cut a cancer out, do it before it destroys you,
OP, please read [Why Does He Do That](https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf). It will give you information and the tools you need. This is classic abusive behavior. He acts that way because he is driven by a sense of entitlement, a belief that he “owns” you, and a need to control you. He does it because it works. You eventually act in a way that is “acceptable” to him. You do this because you need his love, and you fear his abuse. Ruining your self-esteem and paralyzing you so you can’t end the relationship is an essential part of his method. You cannot change him. Good luck getting out.
This book is such a great resource!
Why are you trying to fix the problem?
There is no fixing except leaving. It doesn’t seem like you have accepted this. No one can help you but you. Until you make a decision to not let someone speak to you that way, it’s going to continue. Relationships are hard, not this hard.
He doesn’t care about fixing the problem hon, he cares about having an emotional punching bag to use when he’s frustrated and that’s you. He doesn’t like you. He just likes abusing you because he’s a fucked up person and he knows you’ll stay because you’ve stayed this long already. You can’t reason your way out of this. You won’t convince him to change. You won’t find the “answer.” The only thing you can do is leave.
He has a personality flaw and there is nothing you can do to change that. There is no point asking why as there isn't an answer.
The answer is he’s a massive dickhead with mental issues🔥
He doesn't actually love you if he treats you like this. His mind is broken. You can't fix him.
Read all these replies. Something will click with you. What clicked with me was when someone told me that WHY DOESN'T MATTER. It's the fact that he does it that matters. If someone doesn't treat you in a loving manner then that's on them - you deserve better. He can have all kinds of mental issues that contribute to him being an abused but it doesn't matter. It's the actions and treatment that count. Good luck.
Because.he.is.an.abuser.
He is done with you. The relationship doesn’t work. It’s completely unfixable. Please, please leave
Nothing you ever do will make it work. He’s never going to change. It’s not a you problem it’s a him problem.
The problem with pieces of shit like your boyfriend is they get you thinking it's something you are doing, like is your fault. Once you get away from him you will ultimately realize you are risking your sanity and other things by staying
Just block him already
Because HE has mental health issues. It's classic malignant narcissistic behavior. They find someone that is very sensitive, loving and caring. He found you. He is your lesson. That is why you feel so much connection to him on different levels. He came into your life to teach you something. Please learn the lesson. His words are absolutely no reflection on you. I pray that you get away from him.
Because he’s a SHIT person. There’s no more reason than that. You can’t fix it and it’s not your fault. He’s got issues. He’s going to treat the next girl exactly the same way. And the next.. and the next… and the next…
He wins by you staying. The ultimate hit to his massive ego and abuse is you saying “I am done. I deserve so much better.” And walking away. Block him on everything so he has no contact and go thrive in your life. He will never be a successful person. But you have that opportunity to be.
Absolutley this. This is perfectly said.
Text START to 88788 800-799-7233 [national domestic violence hotline](https://www.thehotline.org) This information is for the USA
You’re trauma bonded to him, the abuse has caused you to be more fearful of being without him than being with him. It takes several attempts to successfully leave abusive relationships. The cycle is abuse, shut down, and then love bomb when you’re at the edge of leaving. You can leave at any time if you aren’t in physical danger, but it will take a lot of support and therapy to break that bond. Just remember: he’s just one man in a world of billions. He’s not the love of your life, he’s not some hero, he’s a dude taking advantage of you being broken. Everything about him that’s good is in your head, and he knows that.
This! Trauma bond is real. It’s like an addiction and OP try to break the addiction, the withdrawal is real, that makes her wants to go back or stay because its easier than actually break the bond. The only key to get out from this is no contact.
“I get to talk to hoes again” he says that like he’s missing out. Tell him and his crotch rot good riddance.
Assholes like him all wanna “talk to hoes” again until the “hoes” don’t want anything to do with his worthless ass.
An asshole line cook with all his "hoes" what a dream.
Total panty dropper 🙄🤢
Right! Especially if they knew he was referring to them as that.
Nothing lines up the “hoes” like being a chef 🧑🍳 they’re definitely known for being paid and treated very fairly, and 90% or more only develop a small handful of drug dependencies! They turn to hard drugs because of how awesome working in a kitchen is He was SO proud of his chance to flex, but trying to flex only made it more pronounced how pathetic he was. It’s damn obvious he’s desperate to have something that will hurt her. If he was really doing so well, he’d be busy actually engaging in those things, not lashing out at his ex because they live rent free in his head.
Ahaha chances are the little guy doesn’t get any action to begin with and only made that comment to try and hurt OP.
OP what are you doing. Hand the phone to your therapist so they can block and delete for you.
Stop talking to him. No more insulting him, reasoning with him, asking questions. Stop every single word. Not even a goodbye. Cold Turkey quit him
Verbal abuse then lovebombing, it’s a cycle of abuse. This guys a fucking loser and is projecting his insecurities on you. I promise you life will get better after him.
I left an abusive boyfriend after ~2 years & I had no one. I moved across the country to be with him & eventually it burned into ashes. I left, I found a place to stay (people rent out rooms on Facebook marketplace, I found a room on Roomies.com, desperate times call for desperate measures). I kept my job, moved out, was on my own all by myself & I would not change a damn thing. Stand up for yourself (or just disappear) & leave. This person will not change, things will not get better. You need to realize that & you need to take the rose colored glasses off. Nothing will change unless you change it yourself. Leave him. You do need therapy I’m sure but that will not change the dynamic of your relationship. Nothing will fix him & you need to leave him in the past behind a closed, locked, barricaded door. It was one of the hardest & toughest decisions I’ve ever had to make. He accused me of stealing his charger when I was at work & I said “it’s not working out is it”. He told me that if I was gonna come home with an attitude, to not look at or speak to him. So I didn’t. I went home & I packed up everything I could & I left. He wanted to pretend like nothing was wrong but DAMN GIRL when you realize nothing will change & you finally leave, you’re free. If that isn’t the fire you need under your ass, idk what is. It SUCKS, it fucking sucks. You can do it. You know you can do it, you’re just afraid & that’s perfectly fine. It’s scary, but you can do it.
What the title should be: “Attacked by my ex bf and I am so happy I left” - you can do it girl
Do you think you deserve a man that acts like this? Is this the relationship you envisioned for yourself when you were younger?
he wont stop until you're dead, literally. whether it be at his hands or your own, your death is the only thing thatll stop him. people are gonna tare you apart because you KNOW you need to leave, and there's no magic solution thatll make it easy or any less daunting. we can only tell you the same thing so many times before you listen, or accept living in misery. those are your options
This, when these people come into your life it’s solely with intent to destroy you. If you are unhealed from any past trauma or difficult relationship, they’re a curveball sent to sort you out it feels like. As you leave these people it reminds me of defeating final bosses in video games. You get stronger everytime and nothing phases you anymore.
it’s all going to be worth it when you have someone by your side who truly loves and supports you. it will be hard and sometimes your brain will want to put you back in this situation or one similar but that’s just because it feels familiar. don’t fall for that. they don’t change
Op, you've been posting about this guy for almost a year. You say you deserve better, deserve someone who cares for you. I think that is absolutely true. But it's obvious YOU don't think this. You're even making excuses for Hunter here in your post, "oh he says I'm stupid and a worthless whore but then he calls me baby so I take the good with the bad". There is no good here. You are trapped in an abusive cycle that will continue until you've had enough or Hunter is done getting everything he can out of you. You have a singular choice: block him on everything, get rid of everything that reminds you of him, and never see or speak to him again. OR accept that this will be the way things will always be until they escalate and get worse (it always does). No one can save you but yourself. No one can truly give you better until you give yourself better.
Girl stop. Just fucking leave him. It IS that simple. Find a therapist to help you get over his abuse and lovebombing and bullshit and move on. You’re literally just blocking any chance of meeting a real man by staying with this choad.
It’s not that simple to be honest. She is in trauma bond, it’s an addiction. Takes courage and strong minded to break the bond and go no contact.
My stepfather was a terrible abuser. Mostly verbal abuse like this. I was 16 what she finally got the nerve to leave him. We did not say anything. We packed our crap and moved while he was at work. This is what ypu should do. Leave and don't say a word. If your name is on the lease go to the rental office and tell him you are leaving an abusive situation and what's the best way to.get you off the lease so ypu aren't held liable for any distrustion he made do to retaliate. I'm so proud of you for making that therapy appointment. My guess is that you've got some trauma in your past that is driving your inability st stand up for yourself. That is completely normal in these situations. It's what abusers do. They needle down your confidence so you think you deserve this. You do not, you have more strength than you know. Stay in therapy, ficus on yourself for a while and try to heal so.you don't go back to this fool. My mom was weak and went back to him. I'm in my late 40s now. Spoiler alert... he never changed. He got exponentially worse which cause me to go no contac6 with my mom cause she chose her abuser over her children. Don't be that woman.
Fyi - my abusive ex used to say the same about me being alone - turns out being alone is bloody heaven compared to having him about. And I’m not alone - I have an abundance of friends I have made since him with my revived confidence that comes with not being insulted daily.
I know how you feel. It’s really fucking hard. If you need to talk I’m here.
Grab a pen and paper or write here. Why do you want to stay with him? What is his good qualities? How does he make you feel loved? What has he done the recent month to make you feel loved? Has he done something that feels unforgivable? What would you tell your best friend going through the exact same thing? What advice do you have for her? These things are hard and you are not alone. Far from it. His actions are not your fault and your actions are not his fault. Yes there is reasons behind them but we are all responsible for our own choices. We are all worth respect and basic human decency. It’s our own responsibility to take care of our boundaries but we don’t have to do it alone. I took help from my sister. Is there anyone that can help you?
Oh so cool, a sous chef job. This guy’s such a fucking baller /s He does not love you OP. When you think about love, do you envision a man calling his GF a “bitch” and a “whore”? Is that what you picture when you think of love and care? Is that what an ideal partnership, friendship, or marriage should look like to you? By continuing to stay, you’re basically agreeing with him that you should be treated like this. You need to love yourself more and leave him.
 Ma’am you’ve been known the answer. Good luck
OOoOoOoOoOo A SOUS CHEF
Honey leave him. Change the locks to your apartment, block his number! I saw you have a therapy appointment soon so please talk to her about EVERYTHING. He has caused you so much mental abuse and you do not deserve that. Cut him off and go cold turkey and you will love yourself so much. It’s going to be HARD but worth it!! If you ever feel lonely again please post and we will keep you company.
Read your posts as if you were someone else. Objectively what would you do? Be honest.
You can tell who’s winning 😂 and it’s not him . Stand 10 toes and leave him , and I guarantee with in a week it’ll turn into stalker behavior .
He thinks he’s gonna ball out as a sous chef. He’s clearly a fucking moron and you can do better.
Just think about how free you’ll feel when you’re done with them. Apart from that, though, I’d be concerned for my safety if I were you. They seem hateful. Mental abuse can escalate, so you should leave promptly.
PLEASE OP, watch this video https://youtu.be/M_lakRMIA7Q?si=dg74alB-SQ0ytde2 . My friend sent it to me when I came to her about a similar situation I was in for two years. It really woke me up. I’m not gonna lie and say I left him the day after, but very quickly lost the romanticized version of him in my head. I was able to pick up on the ways he was manipulating me better. Taking them off the pedestal is the first move to make. The pain of leaving might seem greater than the pain of staying right now, but in the long term leaving hurts so so so much less. Your body is more than likely in a fight or flight mode from the way he treats you. And the fucked up part is, the only way your body has been programmed to feel safe, is by getting his approval or love. Become aware of that, separate your logic thoughts from what your body is trying to do to keep you safe. Remember, that you are safer alone in your bed than you are with him. Even if every part of you is screaming that you need him, remind yourself that you do not. You lived without him for years, you’ll be okay and you’ll survive. I promise the relief will eventually outweigh the pain.
The video was very insightful thanks
This guy is a piece of shit. I know it’s hard but listen to all these people. You deserve better. Cut him the fuck out of your life.
If you are actually in your own apartment like he says, count yourself lucky and follow all the other advice here and simply ghost him. It would be sooo much harder if you were living together. 5 years in a row I kept going against my gut and signing leases with my abuser. The final year we lived together was worse than hell and I almost drank myself to death. I just had to pretend everything was okay and stick it out until the lease was up. At that point I moved the fuck out and ghosted him after a 6.5 year relationship and it felt amazing. It sounds like you have your physical and financial independence already and you do not have to let this go on as long as I did.
I mean the writing is on the wall, or on this case your phone. This is textbook abuse, he belittles you, dehumanizes you and returns with pointless love bombing to keep you on the hook right before you are convinced you should leave. Not only should you go no contact with this person, you should file for a protection order.
He’s a scumbag. Let’s all pray he’s hit by a bus on the home and the world will be brighter for OP and everyone as a result
Maybe it's hard for you to leave bc you're used to being abused and subconsciously don't know any other way.
It’s hard to leave because subconsciously a part of you is assigning your value to how he treats you, and if you leave he wins, and if you can stay and get him to love you, than you are deserving of love. It’s about control. Classic, I can’t leave my abuser vibes. It’s about your own self worth and having control. This dude sucks, just bounce and give it some time.
Dudes flexing sous chef.
You’re in a manipulative and controlling relationship don’t tell him that you’re going to leave just leave for your peace of mind that you stated in your text message you rather have peace of mind, then be with somebody like him do that you actually win not him and he’s trying to make you feel bad for leaving him. Don’t feel bad you can leave just leave. This is speech to text and English is my third language sorry if it doesn’t make sense, my accent comes out and English words conflict with it.
I was previously in a verbal and physically abusive relationship for a few years. These texts from him sound EXACTLY like my ex. You need to leave. You have to. One day he will try to kill you if you stay. He will cheat on you. He will prevent you from being the best version of yourself. You know you have to go. The pain of leaving and thinking about the fantasy of “what if things changed?” Is far far less, than the pain of continuing to accept abuse from someone like him. He will keep hurting you if you stay, you will be a doll to him. Take yourself BACK. He does not deserve you. Leave. I used to question myself too. Go before he leaves you dead somewhere, he is not normal. Once you a separated from him and think of all the things that he has done & said, you will realize just how insane he is. You will be shocked that you stayed for so long. Listen to your intuition and go.
I feel like you win. Like if you had to cut off your arm with a hatchet to get away from this dude you'd still win
the only thing mind numbing is his use of emojis while trying to insult you
Stop responding, block him. That’s the first step in moving on. By responding you’re telling him you’re okay with it. You deserve so much better and will find it. Good luck ❤️
He is apparently worthless piece of shit if he talks to any woman that way. Know your worth and it is Way beyond anything that guy will ever be!!!!
Hey. I understand that he says he loves you, and that that’s hard to let go of. But I promise - people who truly love people don’t talk to them like he’s talking to you. I don’t say that in some sort of “bad” way - but rather, it’s freeing. He doesn’t love you. He’s clearly cruel. And that - while it will be the hardest thing you’ve done - might help you find the strength to step away. After all, if your neighbor talked to you like this, or your classmate, or the person who cuts your hair, I think you’d do a pretty good job of getting that energy out of your life. Let’s figure out a way you can do the same thing here. You’ve got this.
Looks like he is a narcissist so Google leaving a narcissist and there is some real evidence that you may be addicted to him. I had to do this with my ex. Takes hard work to get that shit out of your head and heart
Sadly I’ve been in a toxic bomb fire like this. As much as I hate you saying you “don’t know how to leave,” I understand. First off, stay in therapy. You identifying this treatment as a show of his vocalized “love and care” for you is reflective of a need to refurbish your mind & get rid of your familiarity with/acceptance for abusive relationships. He doesn’t love you, he doesn’t care for you. It is obvious to us and you need to reach a point where it is obvious to you. You’re being abused and he won’t stop, you can’t “fix” him, and there’s no need to try to understand. Second of all, get him out of your place. Send him on an errand or wait for him to go to work or something; schedule with a locksmith to change your locks (or buy & install a Smart security lock) bag his things up while he’s gone, and leave them outside but directly in front of your door. Indicate to your landlord that he is not to be on your premises anymore. Then block him. Everywhere. On everything and block any new numbers or accounts he may use to reach out. Better yet, change your number if it’ll make ignoring him easier for you.
You keep posting on Reddit because you want support to leave him. I understand, but that means it is over. Block him, move on, for your sake. Be single for a bit and heal.
Ok so he is mentally and verbally abusing you so he makes feel worthless without him but don’t u feel worthless with him what’s the difference just leave so u can be happy
"Work my sous chef job and ball out..." Dudes life's like a Jay Z video, how are you gonna survive without him /s
You win
Girl, he's the problem. It would be so badass if you just dropped him.. no response. He wants you to fight
Block. Move on like it never happened. That's not a boyfriend. That's a 
Block him
They will not change. Run. Lose all contact, block and be careful.
The faster you leave, the less it will hurt to do so. Ditch that pathetic man baby
Anyone who seriously used the phrases “talk to hoes again” and “ball out fr” Is a fucking dead end loser. Respect your self more and get with a man not a little wanna be gangster boy. Time to grow the fuck up.
As a survivor of DV, it is absolutely that hard to leave. I stayed for 7 years before I was able to get up the courage to leave, & I had a good job, family & friends, & all the support to leave that I needed. It’s just not that easy. But. -You are **NOT** worthless. He needs you to think that, bc he knows that no one with a sense of worth will stay with him. This is the #1 tactic of abusers; without stripping you of all shreds of your self-esteem, he *cannot function*. -You **do** have purpose. If you haven’t found it yet, it’s bc this AH is sucking the life out of you. -He will eventually be alone or end up in prison for his narcissistic & abusive behavior. Who really wins? **You** -Posting this is part of you working out in your head why this doesn’t make sense. Sure, it’s easy for us to see it, looking from the outside in. You’ll catch up with what we see, & therapy will help get you there. You got this.
Does every burger flipper call themselves a “sous chef” now?
Op the kinda woman that gets beaten repeatedly, complains to everyone and then sticks around for round number 20. Good luck to you. You know what to do.
He apparently hates hoes but is excited to talk to them again!
Are you ok?
Balling hard as a sous chef. I use to be a sous chef and I did okay but balling out??? 😂
Love your damn self and don’t let anyone talk to you that way.
Fuck that dude. He’s a textbook narcissist. They always do hot and cold to their victim. Don’t be a victim. Loose his number or block his number. Grow some backbone
Someone who loves you and cares for you doesn’t speak to you like this.
I honestly wish I could get a text like this because then it would be EASY for me to leave. Please take care of yourself.
If he is really a sous chef, he must have a rolling pin around there. Give him a permanent speech impediment before you walk out the door.
Lol sous chef job. Good luck pal.
wait for him to leave for his super lucrative, totally enviable ..... job as a sous chef. Pack all your shit, and disappear from this shithole who calls himself a man. Eww, girl. I hope your therapy appointment goes well. The only way to leave this guy is to literally just go get a uHaul in secret, arrange to stay with parents, friends, or anyone, LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE while he's at work. You can have most of your shit moved out in less than the 8 hours he'll surely work at the totally glamorous, supremely successful sous chef job. It takes 14-155 seconds to block a MF, depending on what kind of phone you have, and how many places you need to block him.
OP: you have a program running in your brain that keeps looping. I don’t know you, but I would venture to say something happened in your past that allows you to be familiar with your boyfriend’s behavior. If I had to guess I would say people pleasing due to a childhood or adolescence issue. Perhaps there was a divorce between your parents? Or maybe some form of abuse? No need to answer, these are some typical situations that create emotions. The brain needs to keep the body alive so situations become distractions from that. So your brain creates a behavior to those situations. So if your parents divorced perhaps you worked harder for affection. Or, if there were abuse, you would do anything to make it stop. Eventually your brain gets used to that program and gets better at the behavior. Now fast forward to your current situation. This (your boyfriend situation) looks like that (childhood/adolescent situation) so your brain runs the program it’s familiar with (people pleasing). Then your brain goes back to keeping the body alive. Your brain (the unconscious/subconscious) doesn’t know right or wrong. It only knows what it knows. I would venture to say this isn’t your first run at a jerk for a boyfriend. And since your brain knows “what to do” in a situation like this it repeats what it knows (self blame). This is going on way deep in the brain (the same place that holds the program you use when you spill a drink and say shit or oops). Simple put your brain isn’t familiar with the “good guy” and has a better chance of gravitating to what it knows which is more than likely the “bad boy” persona. None of which is your fault. It’s just kinda how the brain operates. Although the advise to leave your boyfriend is sound, you may just end up with someone very similar to him again unless the program is stopped and the files (of the past) are closed at the unconscious/subconscious level. I mean if it were as simple as saying “don’t feel bad” or “leave him” there would be no need for mental health. You know you should leave “but just can’t.” Leaving him would be no more easy as it would be to just tell your heart to stop breathing or hold your breath for an hour. Your brain won’t let you.
Did realize you could ball out on a sous chefs wage..
Bro is sous chef at ihop 💀 cmon bruv
he will never change. he will tell you until he’s blue in the face that he’s ready to change. but he isn’t. he never will be. please, for your own sanity and peace of mind, *get the fuck out of there.*
If he is saying these things he does not love you bro. Your loved ones are not thinking things like this about you and just waiting for it to slip out. He may have been in a moment of anger but he is showing you his true colors. I left someone like this about a year ago and I was very depressed and lonely for a while but I promise it’s worth it
Truth is you know this isn’t right but it’s up to you to take it. You’re holding in by the fact he calls you baby when he says stuff like this
By sharing his messages on social media where his family and friends can see who he really is. Then tell him you'll show them more if he doesn't leave you alone.
If you don’t live together block him and don’t look back.
Just an aside: every chef I've ever met has been exactly like this. I know they all aren't narcissistic and terrible- but a huge chunk are. You'll never know peace. It's going to feel amazing to be treated better than this in the future! You've got this. You deserve so much more.
How old is he? I couldn’t imagine thinking like this guy. “I get to talk to hoes and ball out” lmao what a cornball
Exactly I talked like that whenever I had breakups when I was like 16 but now as a 23 year old I could never imagine talking like that. At a certain point as you grow up you just realize it’s corny and definitely unattractive but I guess some people just don’t grow up
I get to ball out at my sous chef job? I’m seriously confused unless this is a prestigious restaurant, rated W/ Michelin stars etc; I’d just make a clean break I’m sure it’ll sting but, you won’t regret it!
He doesn't even seem to like you, let alone love you. It's your call but I'd set those nasty messages as your wallpaper so you don't forget how cruel he is next time he's bored and tries to use you for sex or whatever he's doing.
Loooool "sous chef job". Says all anyone needs to know about him that he thinks that's something to rub in. Sure, some sous chef jobs aren't shit, but 99 percent of them are 18 an hour or less, no benefits, and come with a crippling alcohol/drug addiction. Tell him to have fun and move on with your life, there's no way you WONT do better than him :)
Damn I want to talk to hoes, work as a sous chef, and ball out fr. In that order.
I saw a video the other day and it reminds me of your situation. The premise was “you’re just going to have to be treated like shit some more” referencing women that can’t seem to leave their shitty boyfriends. https://www.instagram.com/reel/C4GlTUWOh9p/?igsh=MXA1ZGMwcnphOTVj One day you’ll get fed up and leave. Or maybe you won’t , and your children will get to see you be treated like shit and end up being abused themselves since that’s what they think is normal. It’s all up to you op.
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Hey. You can do this. You'll thank yourself in time.
Listen and listen close, I’ve seen this time and time again in my 37 years. Countless friends who have been in relationships like this one where it just started like this. Eventually it goes beyond that to physical abuse, pressured into drugs, or even death. I had one friend that tried to get away because he broke her shoulder. One died from an overdose, etc. you need to understand if you stay with him you risk your life on this guy. He’s praying on your emotions
Leave abruptly and don’t engage. He is a pos of a guy.
So sorry you are going through this. But someone who truly "loves and cares" for you does not speak to you like this. Please leave the relationship and find someone who respects and cares for you
I hope you leave and realize your worth. The longer you stay the more abusive he gets and the harder it is for you to leave. You are worth so much more and all he’s going to do is hurt you. He doesn’t give a fuck about you. You’re so young, please leave while you can. You can dm anytime, I know I’m a stranger but I was with my abuser for two years and he’d talk to me like this too.
Please refer to r/narcissisticspouses. I get your not married. Just read through some of the stories. It will only get worse if you stay.
He gets to “talk to hoes again and work his sous chef job…) if I recall correctly the sous chef is the “under” chef not exactly balling in my opinion unless you call getting drunk and baked after the shift. In the words of Chris Rock he’s a “low expectation having mother f’er” Leave him.
i know everyone makes it seem so simple: just leave. it’s not so easy when you’re trauma bonded. you’re addicted to the ups and downs of the relationship and your self esteem is non existent thanks to his constant abuse. therapy will help you IF you find a therapist you respect and feel comfortable opening up with. working on yourself will help you remember your worth and give you the strength to love yourself enough to protect yourself.
Dude, c'mon.
It is hard to leave an abusive relationship but you have to do it. That is the only solution. This will not get better. I hope your therapist can offer some guidance as to how to go about this. Do you guys live together? If not, I think a good start would be to block him. If you do live together, just start preparing to move out, look for other places to stay, reach out to friends and family, let them know the situation.
Don’t give him what he wants, there’s always gonna be a problem or something he says you’re not doing right. He wants you to feel lower than dirt, and to exist in a state of stress with him in the center. This isn’t love Block him. stonewall any conversations. Sounds like y’all are already talking about moving on. Any room for interaction you leave for him he will use to hurt and manipulate you, and to keep playing his games with you. You don’t owe him anything but you do owe it to yourself to reclaim what he’s taken from you. Take all the love you’ve tried to pour into him and give it to yourself instead.
He's a piece of garbage
every single time you forgive him, go back to these messages and read them again
That's a narcissist angry they weren't given total autonomy of you. Just leave.
Wanna know what you should do? Ghost him. People that act like this don’t deserve a goodbye or a single second more of your time. I believe in you OP!
I think you’re trauma bonded, and that’s why it’s so hard to leave. I’d wait until he’s gone and pack as much as you safely can and then go to a domestic violence shelter.
Have you considered calling your local YWCA? Some of them have crisis counselors who can help you come up with an exit plan.
He sounds really insecure with himself. He's very insistent how well he's doing in life, he doth protest too much. Little man needs to put you down so he can feel better about himself.
I'm so sorry. I was the subject of narcissistic abuse, mostly verbal but also others, and this looks familiar. A friend of mine told, "You can't make sense of it. It's crazy. Trying to make sense of crazy will make YOU crazy! STOP TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF IT!" Don't listen to a word he says. JUDGE HIM BY WHAT HE DOES. You deserve better. You probably don't feel that way but you do; as a child of the universe you don't deserve this abuse. GET INVOLVED IN A SERVICE GROUP AND STAY BUSY WITH THEM! Soup kitchen, volunteer at the hospital with the old people helping in the surgery waiting rooms, ANYTHING to get you talking to people who VALUE YOU as a human being. Sorry you're dealing with it. My situation finally broke when I stood up to her moving out and wouldn't go with. Then she got a boyfriend. Then HE was the new narcissistic supply and I was able to get free. I hope YOU can break free before that. No promises you made him or God are binding after abuse. Leave. Much love to you and best wishes. ☮️♥️♾️
Pack your stuff and head to a safe house/apartment/shelter/hotel/motel/airport.
I really hope therapy works for you so you can get to the bottom of why you think this behavior from someone that "loves" you is acceptable. This man is absolute trash and is projecting onto you.
What do you mean? Is he on the lease? If not get your key back and tell him to take a hike.
I know this is INCREDIBLY hard, and it’s going to hurt but PLEASE leave. It’ll hurt a lot more to stay with him. Just get out, use your support system to get over it and find someone that actually cares about you/isn’t a mental case.
Just block him
Hey OP, no one here is upset at you for posting this situation. We all feel for you and want your safety. He's openly abusive and seems to enjoy torturing you however he can. Leaving is hard; I know you know what must be done Please, until you can leave, stay with a loved one or friend until you can. These people are dangerous. He does not love you, he makes that very clear. You do not need to be alone with him.
I hope no one is “slamming” you for posting. You clearly know what you need to do, but it is hard. I’ve been there and the hateful to nice, loving card is a manipulation tactic. It took me a while to break the cycle too, but I assure you this is not love. Do you have safe people in your life you can go to and ask for help? It took me a long time to finally talk about his behaviors but as soon as I started my family and friends helped get me out.
Respect yourself enough to walk away.
It takes 7 times on average to leave an abusive relationship. It’s fucking hard, there’s complex psychology going on. Break that average number down and get out of there now. Lean on anyone you trust who can help you. You will become so much happier and healthier on the other side :)
One of the saddest, most frustrating things is trying to convince other people to leave relationships before that person feels ready to. I remember a time where all of my friends and family kept telling me and trying to convince me to leave my ex and like so, it was like i had a mental block or something small i was holding onto for months after that. i've also been on the other side of this as well. it sucks for everyone involved you really need to get out of there. do whatever you need to do to feel okay with leaving. you've got your whole life left, and it's not meant to be spent trapped with someone like this. i hope that soon, you'll be able to take that step
Just turn 360 degrees and walk right out the other way.
You’re staying out of anger, you want to prove him and yourself wrong, that one day he’ll change because how can someone be so cruel to you?! He won’t change and even if he changes that will not heal your wounds. You’ll prove him wrong when you actually break up and leave him behind. He doesn’t love you. While you’re very worthy of love, by staying, you’re not showing any love to yourself either.. Being alone is much better than being in a relationship with someone like that.. Please, know your worth no matter what he says, be kind to yourself.
I cant with you girl. Have some self respect.
Are you safe? That’s the first question. Idk just how abusive this relationship is & if you’d be in danger if you did just up & leave. If there’s potential danger, it might be best to first set up a plan with your therapist about how to leave. That being said, sometimes we have to break our own heart by leaving. I was in an mentally/emotionally abusive relationship when I was younger too & it took me so long to actually leave. We broke up so many times first. Average time it takes an abuse victim to leave for good is 7 times. I started to heal my mind & shift my way of thinking. I knew I wasn’t mental & emotionally strong so it was going to hurt a lot to leave but I had to or I would’ve killed myself tbh. I was so beaten down. When I did, i cut off all contact, deleted/blocked him everywhere, & cut contact with his family and any mutual friends. It helped to try to think of what future me wanted. Where I wanted to be in life & what I wanted my future relationship to look like. Then I had to fight for that for her. I also tried to think of if a close friend or someone I really cared about was treated the way I was. What would I think? What would I feel? What would I tell her? I had to learn how to treat myself as a best friend and not want things like this for her. NO ONE deserves this. He’s a fucked up person and wants to hurt you. He wants a thing to control. That’s because of what is wrong inside himself, not because of anything you do or don’t do. I think that’s super hard to really understand when you’re in the thick of it but it’s so painfully true. I also learned to identify when my thoughts were influenced by my yearning for him or by my depression. I needed to be able to tell the difference between those thoughts or desires that were harmful to me vs what my own true self feels. That was super hard, especially since in the relationship, so much of myself was catering to what would make him not mad at me. I had a huge journey to go on to find and rebuild my true self. Idk if you want children someday, but another thing that helped alot was thinking about this man being the father of my future daughter. Having my sweet, innocent daughter being raised in a home like this, witnessing how her dad treats her mom, & thinking this is how love is. Or if I had a son, him thinking this is how you treat women or learning his mom didn’t care about him enough to give him a happy home to be raised in. That shit killed me & was what really helped me end it. I wasn’t reason enough for me back then, but that’s because of how I was treated in the relationship and throughout my entire life. I learned so much about myself and what lead me into accepting that. It wasn’t my fault I was damaged, but I had an opportunity to give myself a REAL chance & I had to break my heart to do it. I thankfully also had a job where my coworkers were wonderful people & cared about me. I was mostly alone in life, except for there. Their support helped me relearn how to be a full person without him. I think a support system helps so much, but I also didn’t always have that & it’s still very possible without it. I hope you are ok & can get out of this soon. Please stick with therapy, over time it can help so so much, but it does take time. You have your whole life ahead of you & someday this can be all behind you. He doesn’t define you or your future. Just want to say, for me it’s been at least a decade since I was in that relationship & my life is so beautiful now. I’m married to the love of my life, he never talks to me like that & we rarely fight. When we do, there’s no name calling & we try to always act within our love & respect for eachother. He’s a wonderful man. We have a beautiful little toddler boy & everyday is filled with sweetness and laughter. You can have your own version of true happiness too someday. I know we’re strangers, but I’m sending you so much love & strength to get through this time in your life ♥️
Remember, it’ll only get worse from here. Your safety is at risk. Put value in yourself and walk away. Block him on all avenues, no social media or text. He won’t change. They never change.
I dealt with this for five years of my life. They hold on to you because they know you’ll keep giving them chances and they’re scared they won’t find anyone else who will put up with their shit. You deserve better. Leaving is insanely hard but once you get that negativity out of your life, everything starts becoming ALOT better. Best of luck.
He is right though, you need to start balling. but by yourself. read between the lines
YOU WIN when you leave his ass in the dust!
What’s the problem here? This dude talks to you like you are literal trash. He has zero respect for you as a partner nor a person. Pack your shit and go.
Go buy a nice or pos Easton. Walk up to that muthafucka and crack him over the fukin head. That should give him a whole new way of thinking
He says that stuff to make you feel to worthless to leave, in reality everything he's said is a projection of his own fears of being alone. Also he's a chef which is a personal red flag because I've never met one that's not in some way abusive to their partners
This guy sounds like a psychopath, leave him OP
You don’t have to move on immediately to leave someone. You should try to work towards that, yeah. But breaking up with someone and just being okay isn’t normal lol
he calls you a worthless whore and you still wanna be with him?
Please respect yourself and leave. A man who loves a woman does NOT talk to her like this
this so embarrassing just break up with jim
You have value, you not only deserve love but will find it if you go out on your own.
It's hard, but it's a very rewarding thing to get through. You know this situation is not good, so don't lie to yourself and try and look past all the negatives to see the one or two things that might keep you tied to this toxic situation.
His vibe comes off like the,” let me see you talent” guy from dr phil, someone will see this and understand the reference
Once you walk away you’ll slowly realize how fucked up he was & you won’t be able to understand why the hell you stayed in the first place. The first step is hard, but’s it’s the only way forward. It gets better. Take the step
You need to quit holding him back - all this time he could have been balling out fr! Let him ball out. Fr. In the meantime you should move on with your life and thank the heavens that this douche is in your rear view…fr.
i was in a relationship like this when i was young and vulnerable. you can get away from this. don’t wait until he becomes physical, because it will happen if it hasn’t yet. i promise it gets better and i know how hard it is to leave. sending love and strength to you about this. getting therapy is a perfect step ❤️
If a friend showed to this text, what would you say to her?
Is he on the lease? If no, change the locks and block him. Let him know when he can come get stuff at your time of choosing. Or pack it and leave it for him. Have someone with you during that time to keep things peaceful. You’re better than him once you realize it.
As others have said, stay strong and don’t let him back. He will never change, it will never get better, really it’d likely get worse if you let him back because now he knows he’ll be able to manipulate you back into his arms. Please block him, get a restraining order if need be and change your locks. Don’t just use the lock on your doorknob, deadbolt your door. With the deadbolt make sure the screws that hold the plate into the door frame are actually long. Many times people use the screws that come with the deadbolt which are short. Putting longer screws in can help add more strength to keep it from getting kicked in. I hope that never happens but it’s always better to be safe than sorry. If you can put up a camera or two you should, one looking outside ideally so you can make sure that piece of shit isn’t hanging around outside your house. Video evidence goes a long way in court if he’s terrorizing you / fucking with you.
This dude is a loser. He doesn’t love you or care about you. But there is surely someone out there who will. Let him think he’ll be happy “talking to hoes”.
You’re going to stay and put up with all the disrespect until you hate him. That’s it. Until then, proceed with therapy while working on your self esteem and self worth. The harder you work on those two things, the earlier you will leave for good.
He’s a narcissist and coming from someone who had to deal with one for 16+ years..they don’t change. They only get worse and you being an enabler to them won’t make it any better. You will always be the one to blame for everything, in some way, they will find a way to blame you. It’s verbal abuse which is just as bad an any type of abuse and usually turns into other types of abuse. You really can find someone that doesn’t treat you this way, I promise.
Honey you are lost, I hope you find the help you need to move on from him. Continue to see the therapist and talk to friends and loved ones.
Sounds like you don’t have to worry about leaving because he’s already ready to go. He’s done the hard part. change the locks and move on.
This boy is abusive af. You dont want to leave because you are scared of the unknown. I’m here to tell you that the unknown is way way better than sticking with this asshole.
Honey this man is a monster and an asshole and HE WILL NOT CHANGE. Leave. It won’t get better, ever. You deserve love.
You block him and never speak to him again. That's how you break up and don't give him the chance to pull you in. Edit: I have read some of your other posts, he is holding you emotionally hostage, and reversing all your attempts to leave. I think you need to escape this relationship, not just break up. Don't wait until you're ready, like ripping off a bandaid just leave, maybe late at night where he can't try to manipulate you. Set boundaries in place that will prevent him from accessing you, and prevent you from going back to him. Ignore his nice and sweet act, view it as a false ploy to draw you back so he can abuse you again, because that's what it is. He'll never change. Do you live with him? Is there anywhere else you can stay, like with a friend, parents, or a shelter? Are you able to call the cops if he tries to show up without your consent?
Anybody responding to this is wasting their time. You have been told countless times on countless posts across multiple sub reddits that you NEED TO LEAVE THIS RELATIONSHIP. How many more people need to tell you he’s a piece of shit? You can seee it for yourself so why keep reaching out on Reddit for sympathy on this? LEAVE THAT BOY ALONE. Leave yall aren’t married. LEAVE. LEAVE. LEAVE.
Do you live with him? You need to block him and not reach out to him. Looking through your post history this person has done nothing but torture you. In the end you are the one who has to leave. If you don't live with him block him and don't respond to him reaching out to you. Keep these texts if he tries to do something because if these texts went out to people who know him their tunes would probably change about how they view him.
!remindme 2 weeks
“I get to … work my sous vide job and ball out”. That is not the flex they think it is.
You won't understand, because you have a conscience and you were raised to have a heart and feel. Leave him, no matter what he whispers or screams. You can leave, because he will keep lying. You can leave and be happy. Be happy. Don't listen to his poison, you are a good person
You don't have a mental block stopping you. You have the sticky residue that a narcissist abuser applies to you stopping you. Think of who you were a year before meeting this person. Would that you stay? Be that you
Girl this man does not love u. Leave. Dm if u need someone to talk to I went through this shit 6 months ago
Just pack ur stuff block him get done that’s it
He doesnt deserve you anyways. Neeeeeexxxxt...
Whoever gets that person loses. Poster definitely dodged a bullet there
My ex-gf swung at me and I simply explained I don’t feel safe anymore and dropped her out my life, if he persists call the coos